The Volunteers have at last been recognised. There has been nothing like
it since the great recognition-scene in _Electra_.
***
The case has been reported of a Stepney child which has developed a
disease of the brain, as the result of an air raid. Similar cases are
said to have been observed in the neighbourhood of Fleet Street.
***
It now transpires that the music of St. Paul's Cathedral emanates from
an organ of German construction. There seems to be some doubt as to
whether an explanation is due from _The Westminster Gazette_ or _The
Times_.
***
The mysterious shortage of butter in Germany, which has resulted in
measures being drafted limiting the consumption to 4 ozs. per week per
adult, is now explained. Count VON BERNSTORFF has used up all the
available supplies on Congress.
***
The General Omnibus Company has made the announcement that it will not
employ any women drivers for its omnibuses. The company's officers fear
that if women were so employed there would be an absence of that racy
repartee which alone prevents traffic from reaching a condition of
indescribable congestion.
***
The demand for second-hand pianos now for the first time in the history
of the trade far exceeds the supply. It is not only in Germany that War
and frightfulness go hand-in-hand.
***
The capture of Mush by the Russian army of the Caucasus is an event the
importance of which has not been fully recognized. It is undoubtedly the
place from which the Turkish official reports of victory have been
issued.
***
The Marconi Company have announced that "deferred plain language
telegrams" will again be received. More truckling to the Tory Press!
***
A traveller returning from East Africa reports that, notwithstanding the
military operations that are taking place in various parts of the
country, rhinoceroses appear to be increasing in numbers. It is
explained that the falling-off in the European demand for potted reed
birds is responsible for the phenomenon.
***
It is announced that the Cabinet are to take a portion of their salaries
in Exchequer Bonds. Not to be outdone the members of the Reichstag are
said to have agreed to soil their fingers with dirty British gold rather
than hinder the German Government's operations for correcting the
depreciation of the mark.
***
The suggestion has been put forward that, as a timely War economy,
well-to-do people should give up their hot-houses. There seems to be a
division of opinion, however, as to whether the hot-house plants should
be given their liberty, or (as economy would seem to dictate) be killed
for the table.
***
Australia has suspended the trade-marks of 450 German articles. It would
be interesting to know if the most historic German trade-mark, "MADE IN
THE UNITED STATES," is among these.
***
"Mr. Julian Kimball (of Covent Garden and the London Opera House)," says
the Musical critic of _The Daily Mail_, "is a singer you can watch as
well as listen to." The desirability of concealing the faces of some of
our principal singers in the past is undoubtedly one of the reasons why
England has lagged behind in the musical art.
***
A well-known candidate for the East Herts Division is said to be
urgently in need of motor cars. His opponents however point out that the
need to economise in petrol was never more urgent than at present.
***
Speaking on the question of the shortage of freights Mr. RUNCIMAN
stated, a few days ago, that he did not know that ostrich feathers took
up much room. Has he never been to a matinée?
***
In the same connection a member of the Ladies' Kennel Club writes: "I
let them take my husband for their horrid old War without grumbling, but
when they tell me that poor little Nanki-Poo can't have his
ostrich-feather pillow to lie on I think it is too much!"
* * * * *
[Illustration: _Midget_ (_as he comes to_). "I expect the War's been a
bit bad for your regular business, Mister?"
_Second_. "Not it. The boot-makin' trade's as good as ever."
_Midget._ "Oh, you're a boot-maker, are you? Funny--I made certain you
was a cab-washer."]
* * * * *
"The profits of the Bradford Dyers' Association exceed the most
sanguinary expectations."
_Morning Paper_.
The influence of the War, again.
* * * * *
S.P.C.A., please note.
"Dogs are generally from 9 to 18 inches long and the teeth from
3 to 8 inches long; the service pattern are from 12 to 15 inches
long with 6 inch teeth. For straight dogs the ends of the teeth
should be slightly further apart than at their root. Dogs when
heated red-hot can be twisted till their teeth make any required
angle with each other, generally a right angle; they are then
known as skew dogs."
_Military Engineering_.
* * * * *
"The offensive eggs were first placed in a mangle, and the slow,
crude, and obnoxious process was gone through of crushing them.
The pugnacity of the smell arising from this progress became
appalling."--_Grocers' Journal_.
Fit to knock one down, in fact.
* * * * *
"Lady, 45, domesticated, Protestant, furniture, wishes
Correspondence with Respectable Widower and Bachelor; view
matrimony."--_Southport Visitor_.
One of the two gentlemen will have to be content with the furniture.
* * * * *