_House of Commons, Monday, April 28._--Irish Land Purchase Bill again.
CHAMBERLAIN lifts debate out of somewhat tedious trough into which it
had fallen. Remarkable speech; bold in conception; adroit in
arrangement; forcible in argument; lucid in exposition. Spoke for over
an hour, and though his discourse, full of intricate points, the
marshalling of which was frequently interrupted by angry or scornful
cries from below Gangway, JOSEPH had not a scrap of paper in his hand,
did not once refer to a note.
"Admirable," said GRANDOLPH, looking on with appreciative, though not
loving eyes. "If he had lived in the time of his father JACOB, it would
have been no use his brothers putting him in the pit; he would have
argued himself clean out before they were half a mile on their way back
to the family place in Canaan. Weak part of his position is that he is
trying to serve two Bills, BALFOUR'S and PARNELL'S. Can't recommend
BALFOUR'S scheme without belittling PARNELL'S; same thing other way
about. Reminds me, TOBY, of a passage in WORDSWORTH'S prose writings;
not so much read as his poetry; but daresay you remember it. There was a
Bishop WATSON who began his official career as a Liberal. He was
frightened into Conservatism, and WORDSWORTH, then a hot young youth,
goes for him as youth does sometimes gird at Respectability. 'Upon what
principle,' he asked the Bishop, 'is your conduct to be explained? In
some parts of England it is quaintly said when a drunken man is seen
reeling home, that he has business on both sides of the road. Observing
your Lordship's tortuous path, the spectators will be far from
insinuating that you have partaken of Mr. BOURKE'S intoxicating bowl.
They will content themselves, shaking their heads as you stagger along,
with saying that you have business on both sides of the road.' That's
what's the matter with CHAMBERLAIN. He's very smart, very clever, very
capable; but in politics, dear TOBY, no one ever succeeds who has
business on both sides of the road."
"What do _you_ think?" I asked CHRISTOPHER SYKES, who stood looking on
with familiar aspect of unutterable wisdom.
"I wasn't thinking of that at all," he answered, gloomily. "Haven't yet
got over what GEORGE LEWIS said in Court on Saturday. You've heard or
read about it, of course? Took opportunity of observing, that though I
was near sixty years of age, I was very innocent. I may be getting on
for sixty, but I'll tell you what, TOBY, I'm not nearly so innocent as I
look."
CHRISTOPHER really hurt with GEORGE LEWIS'S aspersion. Comforted him by
hinting that I knew some dreadful things about him.
"We remember your Crabs and Lobsters Bill," I said, soothingly. "There
was much more in that than met the eye. You're a crafty old CHRISTOPHER;
just the sort of man to take in a fellow like GEORGE LEWIS, who thinks
he knows everything."
CHRISTOPHER smiled a deep and wicked smile, and strode off in better
spirits. Always like to say a kind word to a man when I can.
_Business done._--Land Purchase Bill again.
_Tuesday._--Fight on Land Purchase Bill been going forward again at
Morning Sitting; rather dull, though enlivened by speech from PLUNKET,
who once more reminded House how much it loses by his habitual silence.
At Evening Sitting GRANDOLPH came on with his Licensing Bill. Let eager
politicians and ambitious statesmen arm themselves for combat in the
field of high politics; GRANDOLPH'S only desire is to do a little good
in the world whilst yet he lingers on this level. Nothing new in crusade
against drink. No _kudos_ to be gained; no acclaim of the multitude to
ring in the pleased ear; no cheering clash of party conflict. GRANDOLPH
gives a deprecating twirl to his modest moustache, and takes up his
homely parable. Possibly he does this with the larger content, since he
had his go at the Land Purchase Bill before Debate on Second Reading
opened. His letters, published on eve of Easter recess, hurtled
pleasantly around the heads of his esteemed friends on Treasury Bench.
Could not say anything more or anything better if he joined in debate;
so sits silent through Morning Sitting, and when the shades of evening
fall, he meekly lifts up his voice, expounding a measure of domestic
legislation fraught with permanent interest to the masses.
"A most promising member of the Band of Hope," says WILFRED LAWSON,
regarding GRANDOLPH with fatherly kindness. "Wonder if I might ask him
to crack a bottle of ginger-beer with me. Will certainly proffer the
hospitality if I get a chance."
[Illustration: "I'm not nearly so innocent as I look."]
The grand young GARDNER (_and_ his wife; can complete quotation now)
back again after wedding trip. Doesn't look quite so brisk as the
average bridegroom. "Fact is, old fellow," he said, as I condoled with
him, "when I said I would die a bachelor, I never thought I would live
to be married, go off on a wedding trip, catch the influenza at
Innsbruck, the measles at Milan, the scarlatina at Samarcand, and the
malaria at Mentone."
_Business done._--Morning Sitting, Irish Land Purchase Bill; Evening,
GRANDOLPH'S Licensing Bill read First Time.
_Thursday._--Ordinarily amicable proceedings in debate on Irish Land
Purchase Bill varied by accidental but unhappy circumstances. Prince
ARTHUR in course of speech happened to say, that "under Bill of 1886
Irish Government was supposed to be a buffer between the English
Government and the Irish tenant." Mr. G., sitting attentive, suddenly
sprang up when this insult fell on his ear. Bill of 1886 not a tempting
topic; led to downfall of his Ministry; but to hear it publicly called a
"buffer," more than he could stand--or, rather, sit. Leaped to feet,
and, with thrilling energy, repudiated gross imputation. Prince ARTHUR
taken aback; hadn't meant anything particular. To call a thing or a
person a buffer not necessarily a term of opprobrium. Everything depends
on inflection of tone. Suppose, now, leaning across the table, he had
addressed Mr. G. as "old buffer," that would perhaps have been a little
familiar, but not vindictive.
This he tried to make clear. Having, as he thought, averted the thunder,
repeated remarks about Bill of 1886 being a buffer. Didn't even put it
in that direct form.
"I said," he observed with seraphic smile and deferential manner, "that
the Irish Government under the Right Hon. Gentleman's Bill was supposed
to occupy the position, more or less, of a buffer between the English
Government and the Irish tenant."
Mr. G. up again with catapultic force and suddenness. "Not in the
least," he angrily protested. "A buffer is between two things."
Expected that would floor Prince ARTHUR; but he came back again, and
sheltering himself behind the brass-bound box, called out, "Yes, but a
buffer might be between two persons as well as between two things."
Mr. G. angrily shook his head; a Jove-like frown mantled his
countenance. But disdained to pursue controversy further, and Prince
ARTHUR, carefully avoiding further reference to buffers, went his way.
Difference of opinion as to how question was left; Conservatives insist
that Prince ARTHUR had best of it; Liberals stand by Mr. G. Many wonder
why SPEAKER did not interfere; as he did not, it is assumed that buffer
is a Parliamentary word, at least when applied to inanimate creation.
_Business done._--Second Heading of Irish Land Purchase Bill carried by
348 Votes against 268.
_Friday._--HARTINGTON suddenly, unexpectedly, surprisingly, blossomed
into effective speech. Of all subjects in world was Disestablishment of
Kirk in Scotland! Calculated to depress most people; brightened
HARTINGTON up beyond all knowledge. His little hit at GLADSTONE,
sheltering himself behind his (HARTINGTON'S) familiar and convenient
declaration, that on Disestablishment Question he would be guided by the
opinion of the majority of the Scotch people, neatly and dexterously
made. Also his reference to the short time when he had honour of being
"at least the nominal Leader of the Liberal Party," and found Mr. G. a
somewhat unruly follower. Most excellent. HARTINGTON should try this
line again.
_Business done._--Motion for Scotch Disestablishment negatived by 256
Votes against 218.
* * * * *