["_Hamlet_ was not a business man."--Mr. A. B. WALKLEY.]
Had he but learned the useful knowledge
And that essential grasp of things
Which training at a business college
(If diligently followed) brings,
We should have had, no doubt,
A _Hamlet_ with the "moody" Dane left out.
He'd not have stalked in gloomy fashion
Nor wanted to soliloquise,
But rather, undisturbed by passion,
He would have sat Napoleon-wise,
Chewing an unlit weed
And talking down the telephone (full speed).
Planning a "book" to suit his players,
He would have sought a theme less grim,
For tragedies are doubtful payers;
Revue would be the stuff for him,
Scanty in dress and plot,
With dancers featuring the Hammy Trot.
He missed one glorious proposition--
The money would have come in stacks
If he had shown the Apparition
For half-a-crown (including tax),
And, though 'twas after eight,
Added a side-line trade in chocolate.
At other stunts we find him lacking;
Thus, when he met _Laertes_, he
Did not secure a proper backing
Nor nominate the referee;
And, what was even worse,
Did no finessing for a bigger purse.
Had _Hamlet_ made it his endeavour
To seize each chance of lawful gain,
Certain it is that there would never
Have been a doubt that he was sane;
And then perhaps Act Five
Had left some people--one or two--alive.
* * * * *
=Christmas and the Children.=
With the approach of a Festival that is dedicated to the joy of
children, Mr. Punch makes bold to plead the cause of the less
fortunate among them. The Queen's Hospital for Children, once known as
the North-Eastern Hospital for Children, is the only one of its kind
in this part of London and serves a poor district with a population
of half-a-million. Its claim upon the generosity of more favoured
Londoners is as strong as its lack of funds at the present moment is
serious. It has one hundred-and-seventy beds, and during the last
year has cared for eighteen hundred in-patients and sixty thousand
out-patients. Mr. Punch is certain that, if the children of the
West-end understood the suffering and needs of these other children of
Bethnal Green, they would want to help them by forgoing some of
their Christmas toys. Gifts should be addressed to the Secretary,
T. GLENTON-KERR, Esq., Queen's Hospital for Children, Hackney Road,
Bethnal Green, E.2.
* * * * *
[Illustration: THE ROAD TO ECONOMY.