LORD RIDDELL, in giving his impression of President WILSON, says that
his trousers and boots were not in keeping with the smartness of
his appearance above the table. This is where the trained habits of
journalistic observation come in.
* * *
In answer to many inquiries we are unable to obtain confirmation of a
rumour that Mr. CHARLIE CHAPLIN'S contemplated retirement is connected
with an invitation from Mr. HORATIO BOTTOMLEY to enter the arena of
British politics.
* * *
According to an evening paper the lady who has just become Duchess of
Westminster has "one son, a boy." On the other hand the DUKE himself
has two daughters, both girls.
* * *
Over two million Chinese pigtails have been imported into the United
States, where they will be used for straining soup, declares a
Washington correspondent. The wartime curtailment of the moustache, it
appears, has done away with the old custom of straining the soup after
it comes to table.
* * *
A police magistrate of Louisville, Kentucky, has been called upon to
decide whether a man may marry his divorced wife's mother. In our view
the real question is whether, with a view to securing the sanctity of
the marriage tie, it should not be made compulsory.
* * *
"This morning," says a recent issue of a Dublin paper, "police visited
_Young Ireland_ office and placed arretssssshrrr rr rr r h bfad mb shs
under arrest." Suspicion was apparently aroused by his giving his name
in the Erse tongue.
* * *
Enormous damage, says a cable, has been done by a water-spout which
struck Tangier, Morocco, on Saturday. We note with satisfaction, on
the other hand, that the water-spout which recently struck Scotland
had no ill effects.
* * *
Every hotel in London taken over by the Government has now been given
up. The idea of keeping one as a memento was suggested, but Sir ALFRED
MOND decided to throw in his hand.
* * *
Asked his profession last week a man is reported to have answered,
"_Daily Mail_ Reader."
* * *
While a fire was being extinguished at Boston, Mass., recently the
hose burst into flames. A country where that sort of thing occurs can
afford to take Prohibition lying down.
* * *
A Constantinople message states that a Turk named ZORN MEHMED is one
hundred and forty-six years of age. This is said to be due to the fact
that for the last century or so he has kept a pet thyroid which he
takes about on a chain.
* * *
We have no wish to cast any reflection on the courage of the
Prohibitionists, but we can draw our own conclusions from the fact
that we haven't noticed them rushing to Ireland.
* * *
A Denver newspaper points out that the "Wild West bandit" has died
out. Our own impression was that he had got a job as a waiter in
London.
* * *
Things are settling down in America. A news report states that WILLARD
MACK, the actor, has only been divorced three times.
* * *
"We have an innate modesty about advertising ourselves," said Sir
ROBERT HORNE at the International Advertising Exhibition. A certain
colleague of his in the Ministry is reported to have said that Sir
ROBERT can speak for himself in future.
* * *
We understand that the idea of producing a filmed version of Mrs.
ASQUITH'S Diary has been shelved for the present, owing to the
difficulty of procuring actors for the more dangerously acrobatic
incidents.
* * *
An old lady writes to us with reference to wild-cat taxation that
she has always advocated it, but that she has understood that the
difficulty was to determine the ownership of these unfortunate
vagrants.
* * *
The new houses when ready, says a North of England Town Clerk, will
only be let to those people who are married. We have felt all along
that there was some catch about Dr. ADDISON'S housing scheme.
* * *
To a discreditable alien source has been traced the scandalous rumour
that the disappearance of the summit of Mont Blanc is due to certain
admirers of Mr. LLOYD GEORGE, who wished to present their hero with
something in the nature of a permanent peroration.
* * *
As a partial remedy for the overcrowding at Oxford, it is suggested
that the University should come into line with Battersea by making a
rule that lost causes will not be kept longer than three days before
being destroyed.
* * *
"I was the anonymous person who walked down Harley Street and counted
the number of open windows," confesses Sir ST. CLAIR THOMSON, M.D. So
now we can concentrate on JUNIUS and the Man in the Iron Mask.
* * *
Motorists are becoming much more polite, we read. They now catch
pedestrians sideways, instead of full on.
* * *
According to an official of the R.S.P.C.A., as _Punch_ informed us
last week, dogs do not possess suicidal tendencies. Yet the other day
we saw an over-fed poodle deliberately loitering outside a sausage
factory.
* * *
"The number of curates who seem to be able to find plenty of time
for golf is most surprising," writes a correspondent. We suppose the
majority of them employ vicars.
* * *
Spanish toreadors are on strike for a higher wage. There is talk, we
understand, of a six bull week.
* * * * *
[Illustration: "WHAT IS YOUR LITTLE BROTHER CRYING ABOUT?" "OH,
'IM--'E'S A REG'LAR PESSIMIST, 'E IS."]
* * * * *