relations courts from the beginning of the movement. In connection with
some courts there are special officers whose duty it is to prevail upon
couples who come to the court to patch up their differences and give
each other another trial. This would be an admirable procedure if the
couples to receive such treatment were selected by a process of careful
investigation, and if probationary supervision were continued long
enough to ascertain whether permanent results could be secured. As it
actually works out it is a little like expecting a wound to heal "by
first intention" when it has not been cleaned out thoroughly, and when
no attention is being paid to subsequent dressings.
"The wholesale attempt to patch the tattered fabric of family life
in a series of hurried interviews held in the court room, and
without any information about the problem except what can be gained
from the two people concerned, can hardly be of permanent value in
most cases. It is natural that case workers, keenly aware as they
are of the slow and difficult processes involved in
character-rebuilding, look askance at the court-made
reconciliations. With the best will in the world, the people who
attempt this delicate service very often have neither the time nor
the facts about the particular case in question to give the skilful
and devoted personal service necessary to reconstruction. As a
result many weak-willed wrong-doers are encouraged to take a pledge
of good conduct which they will not, or cannot, keep; and other
individuals who feel themselves deeply wronged go away with an
additional sense of those wrongs having been underestimated and of
having received no redress. The results are written in
discouragement and in repeated failures to live in harmony, each of
which makes a permanent solution more and more difficult. The case
worker to whom the results of the externally imposed reconciliation
come back again and again has reason to be confirmed in a distrust
of short-cut methods."[36]
* * * * *
A probation officer writes: "Superficial reconciliations invariably
result unsatisfactorily. In one case a reconciliation was effected
before the husband was released on probation. This was done
apparently in the hope that it would influence the court in the
disposition of the case. After a study of the situation had been
made by the probation officer, it was found that the wife was
totally incompetent as a housekeeper, that she possessed an
antagonistic disposition, had a violent temper, and that no sincere
attachment for each other existed between the couple. Before any
constructive measures could be carried out by the probation officer
to remedy this situation they separated, and it was not possible
thereafter to adjust the differences with any degree of
satisfaction.
"On another occasion a man who had a previous prison record and had
displayed criminal tendencies was arrested for desertion. His wife,
a feeble-minded woman with one child, was being maintained at a
private institution at county expense. Through the efforts of the
district attorney a reconciliation was effected before the case was
disposed of in court, and the man was placed on probation upon the
recommendation of the prosecutor without the usual preliminary
investigation by the probation department. The couple began to live
together contrary to the advice of the probation officer. About two
months later the man was arrested for committing a series of
burglaries and the woman was found to be pregnant. Efforts which had
been made by the probation department to determine her mentality
disclosed her to be feeble-minded; later she was committed to a
custodial institution for feeble-minded women of child-bearing age.
The man was committed to a state prison."
However, when youth and high temper seem to have caused the trouble and
there is real affection to build upon, a speedy resumption of life
together is usually the best thing.
A young woman with one baby said that her husband had got drunk and
threatened her with a knife. They quarreled and he went to relatives
in another city. Neighbors testified how devoted the couple had been
to each other, describing the young man as handy about the house
though "lazy about finding work." He was visited by the family
social agency in the city to which he had gone, and wrote a penitent
letter asking to come home. The wife agreed; the man immediately
returned, got work, and succeeded in overcoming his incipient bad
habits. The death of the baby soon after his return seemed only to
draw the couple more closely together. The case was soon after
closed; nothing has been heard in the three years since to indicate
that any further trouble has developed.
A study recently made under the auspices of the Philadelphia Court of
Domestic Relations seems to show somewhat better results from court
reconciliations than might have been expected. One thousand and two
couples who were reconciled in court during the year 1916 were visited
from six to eighteen months later. Three hundred and ten had separated
or had had further differences which brought them to court; 87 could not
be found, and 605, or about 60 per cent, were found to be still living
together, though with a varying degree of marital happiness, as the
report somewhat drily states.[37]
It should be said that many of these families were probably under the
supervision of a probation officer for a longer or shorter period after
the reconciliation took place. There is no statement as to the number of
repeated deserters among the men, and we cannot estimate how many of the
605 fell within the group which might chance to have the proper basis
for reconciliation.
The practice of the Desertion Bureau maintained by the New York
Association for Improving the Condition of the Poor is as a rule not to
advise reconciliations without a definite preliminary period during
which the man shall contribute regularly and show that he means
business. "The kind of reconciliation that lasts is the one that is
effected with some difficulty to the man," its secretary remarked. The
same probation department which furnished the stories of hasty and
unsuccessful reconciliations,[38] contributes this remarkable account of
the restoration of a family through slow and careful character
rebuilding:
George Latham had shamefully neglected his wife and children for
several years. He drank to excess, gambled considerably, and
associated with women of loose character. He came from good stock,
however, and his early training had been excellent. The differences
between man and wife seemed impossible to adjust. After the man's
release on probation, the co-operation of relatives was secured and
through the aid of his new found employer efforts were made toward a
reconciliation. The man was gradually led away from his old harmful
pursuits and tendencies, these being replaced by wholesome
activities. He was induced to join a fraternal organization, to take
out insurance for his wife and child, was encouraged to attend
church regularly, and to open a bank account. When his sincerity was
appreciated by the wife, she agreed to resume housekeeping. Under
the direction of the probation officer, new furniture was purchased
and the home re-established. This man today holds a responsible
position under the employer who aided in his rehabilitation, and
occupies a respected place in the community.
Very many processes are indicated in such a story. To bring about the
conviction of wrong-doing, to awaken desire and supply an incentive, to
keep the hope of attainment alive, to encourage weakened nerves in a new
and persistent effort, and all the while to build and strengthen and
develop faculties and powers that had been dormant and well-nigh
destroyed, is a task that demands a high order of skill and
resourcefulness.
The story just told emphasizes the work which was done with the husband.
Equally careful work had undoubtedly to be done with the wife to carry
her along with the plan. The period of "stay-away probation" for the man
is a difficult time for the woman. Neighbors and friends know that he is
taking steps in the direction of reformation, and often hold the
attitude that it is her duty to let bygones be bygones and receive him
again. The promptings of her own heart are often in the same direction;
and affection not outlived combines with custom, religious precept, and
economic pressure to make it almost impossible to hold to her decision.
The social worker can sometimes slip some of the burden of the decision
off the woman's shoulders to her own by exacting a promise from the two
that they will not try living together until the man has "shown what he
can do" for a certain definite time. The economic pressure can be eased
by a wise policy of relief; but most of all such a woman needs continued
encouragement from a person whose judgment and kindliness she has
learned to trust. This is another good point at which to introduce the
right kind of volunteer visitor, one who will already have established
friendly relations with both when the time of readjustment comes, and
who can help bridge over that difficult period. In some cases it might
be possible and desirable to procure as volunteer visitors to a couple
whose marital relations have come to shipwreck, another married couple
who have learned how to live together successfully.
The use of carefully chosen volunteers in effecting reconciliations by
the case work method has been singularly little developed. In this
respect modern theory and practice have both fallen behind.[39]
Especially is it an opportunity to enlist the service of men, whom it is
easy to interest in a problem that seems to focus about the man of the
family. A man volunteer can search for a deserter in places where a
woman, by being conspicuous, would defeat her own end. "Located man by
mingling with longshoremen on the docks where he usually worked" could
hardly be the entry of a woman visitor. A man can also be very useful in
court cases, to counteract the prejudice that sometimes exists in court
rooms against the testimony of social workers who are women. In the more
subtle processes of winning the man's confidence and helping him to
regenerate his life and recover his home there is no preponderance of
testimony in favor of the man visitor. Sex lines vanish here; the good
case worker, man or woman, volunteer or professional, is the person
needed.
Sometimes the difficulty is not to deter the wife from prematurely
taking her husband back but to induce her to relent when the proper time
comes.
Martin Long was intemperate, his wife was high-tempered; her
relatives advised her to leave him and he deserted, leaving the
relatives to provide for her and the three children. He was away two
years; then, becoming homesick and wanting to re-establish his home
if possible, he returned. The wife caused his arrest when he was
seeking an interview with her. The probation officer in whose care
he was released became convinced of his genuine sincerity and
regret, but the wife, still on the advice of her relatives, refused
to see him. He persisted in his hope of a reconciliation and made
extraordinary efforts during a winter of industrial depression,
putting his pride in his pocket and taking laborer's work, which he
had never done before. He finally got a good position and saved
money enough to begin housekeeping. The probation officer kept in
touch with the wife, first persuading her to receive a letter from
Mr. Long and answer it through the probation office. He interested
her in the details of her husband's struggle, and finally, after a
whole year of probation and with the help of her pastor, he induced
her to return. The probation officer kept in close touch with the
family for some months and reports: "Three years have elapsed since
that time; the family is now in a nearby city where they are living
harmoniously and in comfortable circumstances."
A case worker who is remarkable for her success in the treatment of
estranged couples, when asked how she did it answered laconically,
"talks and talks and talks." A study of her case records, however, shows
certain points that recur again and again in her treatment.
She encourages man and wife, separately, to talk out their grievances
thoroughly and get everything out of their systems. She then proceeds
(with a lavish expenditure of time, as indicated in her phrase) to
convince each that she is a friend, but an impartial friend. She does
not push for an immediate reconciliation, is much more likely to
recommend a temporary separation until tempers cool down and the true
facts appear. She always advises strongly against "argument" and
"casting up" the past, and tells the couple to come back to her if they
want to discuss their grievances further. Above all, they are not to
retail their troubles to relatives and friends. If either or both are
out of the city during their separation she keeps in close touch with
them by letter. She is quick to utilize their interest in their children
as a means of reawakening their interest in each other. The following
letters illustrate her method. The first was written to a young man who
was serving a six months' sentence for desertion; the others to the same
young man after he had begun a manful struggle to "come back," working
in a munitions plant in another state and later sending money regularly
to the wife, who still obdurately refused to forgive him. (The letters
are part of a series of 27 which were written to him during a ten
months' period.)
_My dear Mr. Andrews:_
I was ever so glad to get your letter this week and I am sorry that
no one has been over [to the workhouse] to see you recently. I will
surely be over within the next two weeks. I know you are anxious and
you should have had a letter telling you about the children. They
are both all right now and the baby is out of the hospital.
We have had a nice talk with your aunt and she is very anxious to
come over and see you. We will all get together and try and plan
what is the right thing to do when you come out. I will arrange it
so we can have a little longer talk this time if possible.
Very truly yours,
DISTRICT SECRETARY.
_My dear Mr. Andrews:_
Your long letter has just arrived. I read it with a great deal of
interest and pleasure. It is fine to know you have already arrived
and have started out to make good on your promises.
I got your cards during the week, which brought the news of your
journey. Also on Tuesday morning came your last letter, expressing
your appreciation for all we had tried to do for you and enclosing
two more thrift stamps for the children. I put these in their books.
Yesterday I had a nice long letter from your father, enclosing one
for me to give to you. I am sending it on just as it is. I was very
much tempted to read it but have not done so. The reason I was
tempted was that I know it must be full of happiness to think you
have made such a good start. At least that was the tone of the
letter he wrote to me.
During the past years I have worked for this society I have seen
many people "come back" strong, and always it has been because they
had some big motive in life and reason for making good. But I have
seldom known a fellow that had so many reasons why he should make
good. You have the confidence of your father and your aunt. You have
the children for whom you will do right. You have Clara, whom you
have wronged and whom you will have to teach all over again to trust
you. Surely all these things added to your own firm will to try and
undo all the unhappiness you have given people, ought to help you
every day as you prove the good stuff that is in you.
I, of course, telephoned Clara of your starting off and yesterday
she came to the office and we had a long talk. She is only sorry
that you did not see the baby and says she will be only too glad to
have special pictures taken of the children to send you. This was
after I suggested that she let me take a snapshot of them to send
you.
Be sure and write to your father and aunt often. And please remember
my last instructions, which were to let me know fully about
yourself. When you write, tell me all about the camp life; how they
arrange the living; how long hours you have to work; what they give
you for recreation, etc. Pick out for your friends men who can help
you, not hinder you, in your good determinations, and hope there
will be at least one man there in whom you can trust and to whom you
can go for advice.
I will let you know about the children all the time. Clara says
Nellie [the small daughter] was expecting to see you again. Don't
worry, she will never forget you.
With all good wishes,
Sincerely yours,
DISTRICT SECRETARY.
_My dear Mr. Andrews:_
I received your long letter this morning and was very glad to hear
all the details of camp life. It is too bad that your surroundings
are not more comfortable, but I am sure you can stick it out for
awhile. If you can raise yourself to be foreman, will you then have
to live in the same uncomfortable quarters? Although I don't know
the details, I should think it would be well if you did sign up for
the six months. It is too bad that your throat is still hoarse.
Thank you for letting me see your father's letter. I am enclosing
it. I hope you are keeping in touch with him.
You asked especially about Clara and whether she asked for you. Of
course she did, and she wants me to say if there is anything you
want to say to her you can send the letter here and she will write
you. She thinks that your ambition and determination to make good is
fine, and she will try and help you in every way. She has not been
in this week and I have been very busy, but I shall make it my
business to see her early next week, and if she has not had the
pictures of the children taken, I will get that attended to myself.
So far as I can see there is absolutely nothing for you to worry
about from this end of the line. Clara is at last, I think, as fully
self-convinced as I am that you are making a splendid effort, and
she is perfectly willing to be fair in waiting until you have a
chance to get turned around financially and in making first payment
for the children.
Next week I am going to send you down a book to read. It is one I
have enjoyed myself, and perhaps some evenings when you are not too
tired you will get a chance to glance over it. It is small and you
can put it in your pocket. Be very sure I have not forgotten the
very satisfactory talks we had and the splendid way you have grimly
started out to make good. If you can help the Government do their
work, even down there, give it a good try out. Never mind the
different nationalities you have to mix with. You have already
knocked around the world so much that you can just consider this
another opportunity of getting to know a great variety of people.
You might even learn to talk Italian and Greek! There is no
experience in life we have to go through but can be a source of
great education to us. You are sure to win out and get the respect
of everybody, your fellow-workmen as well as your superior officers,
if you continuously day in and day out simply refuse to get
discouraged and keep up your work and do as you are told. Stick by.
With all good wishes,
Sincerely yours,
DISTRICT SECRETARY.
But when all is said and done, there are no unbreakable rules about
treatment. A form of treatment is sometimes to do nothing at all.
Charles Morgan, a middle-aged machinist with a wife, a comfortable
home, and seven children (the two eldest grown), picked up his tools
and disappeared, after a quarrel over his wife's extravagance. He
had been earning $50 a week in a shop where he had worked for
eighteen years and he would not endure having his wages garnisheed
for debt.
An experienced case worker to whom furious Mrs. Morgan made her
complaint, decided, after studying Mr. Morgan's record, that he
ought not to be prosecuted, and refused to be party to it. As he was
a man of domestic habits, search was made in a nearby city where he
had relatives. He was easily traced. Mr. Morgan was both proud and
reticent, so the case worker made no attempt to approach him, but
told the woman she must devise some way to get him back, preferably
to write him and say she was sorry. This she refused to do and on
her own responsibility adopted the clumsy device of wiring him that
a favorite child was sick. This brought him "on the run," and, being
back, he stayed. _The case worker has never seen Mr. M._, nor has
his wife been encouraged to come any more to the office, although
reports have been received from time to time through the son and
daughter that things at home continue to go well.
FOOTNOTES:
[33] See p. 179 regarding equity powers of the courts.
[34] Massachusetts social workers succeeded in 1917 in securing the
passage of a law which permits the ordinary non-support law to be
invoked in case of the man's failure to pay the amount ordered after a
legal separation.
[35] See p. 13 sq.
[36] Colcord, J.C.: Article on "Desertion and Non-support." _Annals of
the American Academy of Political and Social Science_, May, 1918, p. 95.
[37] Philadelphia Municipal Court, Report for 1916, p. 64.
[38] See p. 133.
[39] Miss Richmond, writing in 1895, says: "We would rather have a
hundred visitors, patient, intelligent and resourceful, to deal with the
married vagabonds of our city, than the best law ever framed, if, in
order to get such a law, we must lose the visitors."
VIII
THE HOME-STAYING NON-SUPPORTER
Many of the case workers consulted in gathering material for this book
urged that a discussion of the treatment of the non-supporter who had
not deserted be included in its pages. In so far as non-support is a
pre-desertion symptom and the non-supporter a potential deserter, much
that has been said applies also to him. But are the two groups
co-terminous, or do they only partially overlap?
The law makes little difference in its treatment of the two, the fact of
failure to support being the chief ground of its interest.[40] Indeed,
in Massachusetts, the law under which deserters are extradited for
abandonment is habitually spoken of as the "non-support law."
No study of which the results are available has been made to learn what
difference, if any, exists between the non-supporter who leaves home and
the one who does not. Miss Breed, in making the point that the true
analogy of the deserted family is with the non-supported family and not
with the widow and her children, says: "The deserting husband is at home
the non-supporting husband."[41]
A case reader of experience writes: "When I look back over the many
records I have read and studied, it seems to me that it is very
difficult to draw a line between desertion and non-support cases,
either in the kind of problem they present, or in the treatment of
them. Do we know enough about non-supporters who later become
deserters; and isn't it possible that every non-support case,
certainly every beginning non-support case, is a potential desertion
case?"
There is no doubt that the two groups grade imperceptibly into each
other; but of the twenty or more case workers who were consulted in the
preparation of this material, nearly all felt that the out-and-out
deserter, if he can be got hold of, is more promising material to work
with than the man who sits about the home and lets others maintain it.
They all recognize a common middle ground where the two groups merge
into each other; but they see decided differences in the two "wings" so
to speak, outside of this common ground.
Seen through their eyes, the non-supporter has less courage, initiative
and aggressiveness than the deserter. "He is less deliberately
cruel--for at least he 'sticks around.'" He has not the roving
disposition, but is apt to be intemperate and industrially inefficient
as compared with the deserter. Often the married vagabond, as he has
been called, is a "home-loving man who simply shirks responsibility and
dislikes effort." He may "sometimes feel parental responsibility even
though he does not support," and he is likely to have less physical and
mental stamina than the deserter. That phrase in which the psychiatrists
take refuge, "constitutional inferiority," is more likely to describe
the stay-at-home than the wanderer. However, one social worker
(non-medical) says "a mental twist more often enters into the problem of
the deserter than into that of the non-supporter, from my experience."
The head of a large probation department writes: "Many of the deserters
with whom we have dealt were non-supporters before coming to our
attention. Among the men convicted of abandonment, however, is a group
which is above the average in intelligence--skilled workers or men in
professional occupations."