1799
"There is no question about my greatness now," said Napoleon, as he
meditated upon his position. "Even if the Directory were not jealous
and the people enthusiastic, the number of relatives I have
discovered in the last ten days would show that things are going my
way. I have had congratulatory messages from 800 aunts, 950 uncles,
and about 3800 needy cousins since my arrival. It is queer how big a
family a lonely man finds he has when his star begins to twinkle.
Even Joseph is glad see me now, and I am told that the ice-cream men
serve little vanilla Napoleons at all the swell dinners. Bourrienne,
our time has come! Get out my most threadbare uniform, fray a few of
my collars at the edges, and shoot a few holes in my hat. I'll go
out and take a walk along the Avenue de l'Opera, where the people can
see me."
"There isn't any such street in Paris yet, General," said Bourrienne,
getting out his Paris guide-book.
"Well, there ought to be," said Napoleon.
"What streets are there? I must be seen or I'll be forgotten."
"What's the matter with a lounge in front of the Luxembourg? That
will make a contrast that can't help affect the populace. You, the
conqueror, ill-clad, unshaven, and with a hat full of bullet-holes,
walking outside the palace, with the incompetent Directors lodged
comfortably inside, will make a scene that is bound to give the
people food for thought."
"Well said!" cried Bonaparte. "Here are the pistols go out into the
woods and prepare the hat. I'll fray the collars."
This was done, and the effect was instantaneous. The public
perceived the point, and sympathy ran so high that a public dinner
was offered to the returned warrior.
"I have no use for pomp, Mr. Toast-master," he said, as he rose to
speak at this banquet. "I am not a good after-dinner speaker, but I
want the people of France to know that I am grateful for this meal.
I rise only to express the thanks of a hungry man for this timely
contribution to his inner self, and I wish to add that I should not
willingly have added to the already heavy tax upon the pockets of a
patriotic people by accepting this dinner, if it were not for the
demands of nature. It is only the direst necessity that brings me
here; for one must eat, and I cannot beg."
These remarks, as may well be imagined, sent a thrill of enthusiasm
throughout France and filled the Directory with consternation. The
only cloud upon Bonaparte's horizon was a slight coldness which arose
between himself and Josephine. She had gone to meet him on his
arrival at Frejus, but by some odd mistake took the road to Burgundy,
while Napoleon came by way of Lyons. They therefore missed each
other.
"I could not help it," she said, when Napoleon jealously chided her.
"I've travelled very little, and the geography of France always did
puzzle me."
"It is common sense that should have guided you, not knowledge of
geography. When I sail into Port, you sail into Burgundy--you, the
only woman I ever loved!" cried Napoleon, passionately. "Hereafter,
madame, for the sake of our step-children, be more circumspect. At
this time I cannot afford a trip to South Dakota for the purpose of a
quiet divorce, nor would a public one pay at this juncture; but I
give you fair warning that I shall not forget this escapade, and once
we are settled in the--the Whatistobe, I shall remember, and another
only woman I have ever loved will dawn upon your horizon."
Bonaparte was now besieged by all the military personages of France.
His home became the Mecca of soldiers of all kinds, and in order to
hold their interest the hero of the day found it necessary to draw
somewhat upon the possessions which the people were convinced he was
without. Never an admirer of consistency, France admired this more
than ever. It was a paradox that this poverty-stricken soldier
should entertain so lavishly, and the people admired the nerve which
prompted him to do it, supposing, many of them, that his creditors
were men of a speculative nature, who saw in the man a good-paying
future investment.
Thus matters went until the evening of the 17th Brumaire, when
Napoleon deemed that he had been on parade long enough, and that the
hour demanded action.
"This is the month of Bromide," he said.
"Brumaire," whispered Bourrienne.
"I said Bromide," retorted Napoleon, "and the people are asleep.
Bromide has that effect. That is why I call it Bromide, and I have
as much right to name my months as any one else. Wherefore I repeat,
this is the month of Bromide, and the people are asleep! I will now
wake them up. The garrisons of Paris and the National Guard have
asked me to review them, and I'm going to do it, and I've a new set
of tictacs."
"Tactics, General, tactics," implored Bourrienne.
"There is no use discussing words, Mr. Secretary," retorted
Bonaparte. "It has always been the criticism of my opponents that I
didn't know a tactic from a bedtick--well, perhaps I don't; and for
that reason I am not going to talk about tactics with which I am not
familiar, but I shall speak of tictacs, which is a game I have played
from infancy, and of which I am a master. I'm going to get up a new
government, Bourrienne. Summon all the generals in town, including
Bernadotte. They're all with me except Bernadotte, and he'll be so
unpleasant about what I tell him to do that he'll make all the others
so mad they'll stick by me through thick and thin. If there's any
irritating work to be done, let Joseph do it. He has been well
trained in the art of irritation. I have seen Sieyes and Ducos, and
have promised them front seats in the new government which my tictacs
are to bring about. Barras won't have the nerve to oppose me, and
Gohier and Moulin have had the ague for weeks. We'll have the
review, and my first order to the troops will be to carry humps; the
second will be to forward march; and the third will involve the
closing of a long lease, in my name, of the Luxembourg Palace, with a
salary connected with every room in the house."
It is needless for us to go into details. The review came off as
Napoleon wished, and his orders were implicitly obeyed, with the
result that on the 19th of Brumaire the Directory was filed away, and
Napoleon Bonaparte, with Sieyes and Ducos as fellow-consuls, were
called upon to save France from anarchy.
"Well, Josephine," said Bonaparte, on the evening of the 19th, as he
put his boots outside of the door of his new apartment in the
Luxembourg, "this is better than living in a flat, and I must confess
I find the feather-beds of the palace more inviting than a couch of
sand under a date-tree in Africa."
"And what are you going to do next?" asked Josephine.
"Ha!" laughed Napoleon, blowing out the candle. "There's a woman's
curiosity for you! The continuation of this entertaining story, my
love, will be found in volume two of Bourrienne's attractive history,
From the Tow-path to the Tuileries, now in course of preparation, and
for sale by all accredited agents at the low price of ten francs a
copy."
With this remark Napoleon jumped into bed, and on the authority of M.
le Comte de Q-, at this time Charge a Affaires of the Luxembourg, and
later on Janitor of the Tuileries, was soon dreaming of the Empire.
The Directory overthrown, Bonaparte turned his attention to the
overthrow of the Consulate.
"Gentlemen," he said to his fellow-consuls, "I admire you personally
very much, and no doubt you will both of you agree in most matters,
but as I am fearful lest you should disagree on matters of
importance, and so break that beautiful friendship which I am pleased
to see that you have for each other, I shall myself cast a deciding
vote in all matters, large or small. This will enable you to avoid
differences, and to continue in that spirit of amity which I have
always so much admired in your relations. You can work as hard as
you please, but before committing yourselves to anything, consult me,
not each other. What is a Consul for if not for a consultation?"
Against this Sieyes and Ducos were inclined to rebel, but Bonaparte
soon dispelled their opposition. Ringing his bell, he summoned an
aide-de-camp, whispered a few words in his ear, and then leaned
quietly back in his chair. The aide-de-camp retired, and two minutes
later the army stationed without began shouting most enthusiastically
for Bonaparte. The General walked to the window and bowed, and the
air was rent with huzzas and vivas.
"I guess he's right," whispered Sieyes, as the shouting grew more and
more vigorous.
"Guess again," growled Ducos.
"You were saying, gentlemen--?" said Bonaparte, returning.
"That we are likely to have rain before long," said Sieyes, quickly.
"I shouldn't be surprised," returned Napoleon, "and I'd advise you
laymen to provide yourselves with umbrellas when the rain begins. I,
as a soldier, shall not feel the inclemency of the weather that is
about to set in. And, by-the-way, Sieyes, please prepare a new
Constitution for France, providing for a single-headed commission to
rule the country. Ducos, you need rest. Pray take a vacation until
further notice; I'll attend to matters here. On your way down-stairs
knock at Bourrienne's door, and tell him I want to see him. I have a
few more memoirs for his book."
With these words Bonaparte adjourned the meeting. Sieyes went home
and drew up the Constitution, and M. Ducos retired to private life
for rest. The Constitution of Sieyes was a clever instrument, but
Bonaparte rendered it unavailing. It provided for three consuls, but
one of them was practically given all the power, and the others
became merely his clerks.
"This is as it should be," said Bonaparte, when by 4,000,000 votes
the Constitution was ratified by the people. "These three-headed
governments are apt to be failures, particularly when two of the
heads are worthless. Cambaceres makes a first-rate bottle-holder,
and Lebrun is a competent stenographer, but as for directing France
in the line of her destiny they are of no use. I will now move into
the Tuileries. I hate pomp, as I have often said, but Paris must be
dazzled. We can't rent the palace for a hotel, and it's a pity to
let so much space go to waste. Josephine, pack up your trunk, and
tell Bourrienne to have a truckman here at eleven sharp. To-morrow
night we will dine at the Tuileries, and for Heaven's sake see to it
that the bottles are cold and the birds are hot. For the sake of the
Republic also, that we may not appear too ostentatious in our living,
you may serve cream with the demi-tasse."
Once established in the Tuileries, Bonaparte became in reality the
king, and his family who had for a long time gone a-begging began to
assume airs of importance, which were impressive. His sisters began
to be invited out, and were referred to by the society papers as most
eligible young persons. Their manner, however, was somewhat in
advance of their position. Had their brother been actually king and
themselves of royal birth they could not have conducted themselves
more haughtily. This was never so fully demonstrated as when, at a
ball given in their honor at Marseilles, an old friend of the family
who had been outrageously snubbed by Caroline, asked her why she wore
her nose turned up so high.
"Because my brother is reigning in Paris," she retorted.
In this she but voiced the popular sentiment, and the remark was
received with applause; and later, Murat, who had distinguished
himself as a military man, desirous of allying himself with the
rising house, demanded her hand in marriage.
"You?" cried the First Consul. "Why, Murat, your father kept an
inn."
"I know it," said Murat. "But what of that?"
"My blood must not be mixed with yours, that's what," said Bonaparte.
"Very well, Mr. Bonaparte," said Murat, angrily, "let it be so; but I
tell you one thing: When you see the bills Caroline is running up
you'll find it would have been money in your pocket to transfer her
to me. As for the inn business, my governor never served such
atrocious meals at his table-d'hote as you serve to your guests at
state banquets, and don't you forget it."
Whether these arguments overcame Bonaparte's scruples or not is not
known, but a few days later he relented, and Caroline became the wife
of Murat.
"I never regretted it," said Bonaparte, some years later. "Murat was
a good brother-in-law to me, and he taught me an invaluable lesson in
the giving of state banquets, which was that one portion is always
enough for three. And as for parting with my dear sister, that did
not disturb me very much; for, truly, Talleyrand, Caroline was the
only woman I never loved."