Beside an absolute refusal again to supply, Brent made no sign of the
rebellion which was in him, and his second year slipped quickly and
uneventfully away. He went to and from his duties silent and
self-contained. He did not confide in Mr. Hodges, because his guardian
seemed to grow more and more jealous of their friendship. He could not
confide in Elizabeth, on account of a growing conviction that she did
not fully sympathise with him. But his real feelings may be gathered
from a letter which he wrote to his friend Taylor some two months after
the events recorded in the last chapter.
"MY DEAR TAYLOR," it ran, "time and again I have told myself that I
would write you a line, keeping you in touch, as I promised, with
my progress. Many times have I thought of our last talk together,
and still I think as I thought then--that, in spite of all your
disadvantages and your defeats, you have the best of it. When you
fail, it is your own failure, and you bear down with you only your
own hopes and struggles and ideals. If I fail, there falls with me
all the framework of pride and anxiety that has so long pushed me
forward and held me up. For my own failure I should not sorrow: my
concern would be for the one who has so carefully shaped me after a
pattern of her own. However else one may feel, one must be fair to
the ambitions of others, even though one is the mere material that
is heated and beaten into form on the anvil of another's will. But
I am ripe for revolt. The devil is in me,--a restrained, quiet,
well-appearing devil, but all the more terrible for that.
"I have at last supplied one of the pulpits here, that of my own
church. The Rev. Mr. Simpson was afflicted with a convenient and
adaptable indisposition which would not allow him to preach, and I
was deputed to fill his place. I knew what a trial it would be, and
had carefully written out my sermon, but I am afraid I did not
adhere very strictly to the manuscript. I think I lost my head. I
know I lost my temper. But the sermon was a nine days' wonder, and
I have had to refuse a dozen subsequent offers to supply. It is all
very sordid and sickening and theatrical. The good old Lowry tried
to show me that it was my duty and for my good, but I have set my
foot down not to supply again, and so they let me alone now.
"It seems to me that that one sermon forged a chain which holds me
in a position that I hate. It is a public declaration that I am or
mean to be a preacher, and I must either adhere to it or break
desperately away. Do you know, I feel myself to be an arrant
coward. If I had half the strength that you have, I should have
been out of it long ago; but the habit of obedience grows strong
upon a man.
"There is but one crowning act to be added to this drama of deceit
and infamy,--my ordination. I know how all the other fellows are
looking forward to it, and how, according to all the prescribed
canons, I should view the momentous day; but I am I. Have you ever
had one of those dreams where a huge octopus approaches you slowly
but certainly, enfolding you in his arms and twining his horrid
tentacles about your helpless form? What an agony of dread you
feel! You try to move or cry out, but you cannot, and the arms
begin to embrace you and draw you towards the great body. Just so I
feel about the day of the ceremony that shall take me into the body
of which I was never destined to be a member.
"Are you living in a garret? Are you subsisting on a crust? Happy,
happy fellow! But, thank God, the ordination does not take place
until next year, and perhaps in that time I may find some means of
escape. If I do not, I know that I shall have your sympathy; but
don't express it. Ever sincerely yours, BRENT."
But the year was passing, and nothing happened to release him. He found
himself being pushed forward at the next term with unusual rapidity, but
he did not mind it; the work rather gave him relief from more unpleasant
thoughts. He went at it with eagerness and mastered it with ease. His
fellow-students looked on him with envy, but he went on his way
unheeding and worked for the very love of being active, until one day he
understood.
It was nearing the end of the term when a fellow-student remarked to
him, "Well, Brent, it is n't every man that could have done it, but you
'll get your reward in a month or so now."
"What do you mean?" asked Brent. "Done what?"
"Now don't be modest," rejoined the other; "I am really glad to see you
do it. I have no envy."
"Really, Barker, I don't understand you."
"Why, I mean you are finishing two years in one."
"Oh, pshaw! it will hardly amount to that."
"Oh, well, you will get in with the senior class men."
"Get in with the senior class!"
"It will be kind of nice, a year before your time, to be standing in the
way of any appointive plums that may happen to fall; and then you don't
have to go miles away from home before you can be made a full-fledged
shepherd. Well, here is my hand on it anyway."
Brent took the proffered hand in an almost dazed condition. It had all
suddenly flashed across his mind, the reason for his haste and his added
work. What a blind fool he had been!
The Church Conference met at Dexter that year, and they had hurried him
through in order that he might be ready for ordination thereat.
Alleging illness as an excuse, he did not appear at recitation that day.
The shock had come too suddenly for him. Was he thus to be entrapped?
Could he do nothing? He felt that ordination would bind him for ever to
the distasteful work. He had only a month in which to prevent it. He
would do it. From that day he tried to fall gradually back in his work;
but it was too late; the good record which he had unwittingly piled up
carried him through, _nolens volens_.
The week before Conference met, Frederick Brent, residing at Dexter, by
special request of the faculty, was presented as a candidate for
ordination. Even his enemies in the community said, "Surely there is
something in that boy."
Mrs. Hester Hodges was delighted. She presented him with his ordination
suit, and altogether displayed a pride and pleasure that almost
reconciled the young man to his fate. In the days immediately preceding
the event she was almost tender with him, and if he had been strong
enough to make a resolve inimical to her hopes, the disappointment which
he knew failure would bring to her would have greatly weakened it.
Now, Conference is a great event in the circles of that sect of which
Cory Chapel was a star congregation, and the town where it convenes, or
"sets," as the popular phrase goes, is an honoured place. It takes upon
itself an air of unusual bustle. There is a great deal of
house-cleaning, hanging of curtains, and laying of carpets, just prior
to the time. People from the rural parts about come into town and settle
for the week. Ministers and lay delegates from all the churches in the
district, comprising perhaps half of a large State or parts of two,
come and are quartered upon the local members of the connection. For two
weeks beforehand the general question that passes from one housewife to
another is, "How many and whom are you going to take?" Many are the
heartburnings and jealousies aroused by the disposition of some popular
preacher whom a dozen members of the flock desire to entertain, while
the less distinguished visitors must bide their time and be stuck in
when and where they may. The "big guns" of the Church are all present,
and all the "little guns" are scattered about them, popping and snapping
every time a "big gun" booms.
But of all the days of commotion and excitement, the climax is
ordination day, when candidates for the ministry, college students, and
local preachers are examined and either rejected or admitted to the
company of the elect. It is common on that day for some old dignitary of
the church, seldom a less person than the president of the Conference
himself, to preach the sermon. Then, if the fatted calf is not killed,
at least the fatted fowls are, and feasting and rejoicing rule the
occasion.
This ordination day was no exception. A class of ten stood up before
the examining committee and answered the questions put to them. Among
them stood Frederick Brent. He wished, he tried, to fail in his answers
and be rejected, even though it meant disgrace; but, try as he would, he
could not. Force of habit was too strong for him; or was it that some
unseen and relentless power was carrying him on and on against his will?
He clinched his hands; the beads of perspiration broke out on his brow;
but ever as the essential questions came to him his tongue seemed to
move of its own volition, without command from the brain, and the
murmurs of approval told him that he was answering aright. Never did man
struggle harder for brilliant success than this one for ignominious
failure. Then some whisper in his consciousness told him that it was
over. He felt the laying of hands upon his head. He heard the old
minister saying, "Behold, even from the lowliest God taketh His
workers," and he felt a flash of resentment, but it was only momentary.
He was benumbed. Something seemed to be saying in his mind, "Will the
old fool never have done?" But it did not appear to be himself. It was
afar off and apart from him. The next he knew, a wet cheek was laid
against his own. It was Aunt Hester. She was crying and holding his
hand. Afterwards people were shaking hands with him and offering their
congratulations; but he answered them in a helpless, mechanical way, as
he had answered the questions.
He sat through the sermon and heard it not. But some interest revived in
him as the appointments were being read. He heard the president say, "It
gives me pain to announce the resignation of one who has so long served
in the Master's vineyard, but our dear brother Simpson has decided that
he is too old for active work, and has asked to be retired. While we do
this with pain and sorrow for the loss--though we do not wholly lose
him--of so able a man, we feel that we cannot do better than appoint as
his successor in this charge the young man whom you have all seen so
brilliantly enter into the ranks of consecrated workers, the Rev.
Frederick Brent."
A murmur of approval went round the assembly, and a few open "amens"
broke forth as the unctuous old ecclesiastic sat down. It sounded to the
ears of the young preacher like the breaking of waves on a far-off
shore; and then the meaning of all that had happened sifted through his
benumbed intellect, and he strove to rise. He would refuse to act. He
would protest. He would tell them that he did not want to preach. But
something held him down. He could not rise. The light went blue and
green and purple before him. The church, with its sea of faces, spun
round and round; his head fell forward.
"He has fainted," said some one.
"The excitement has been too much for him."
"Poor young man, he has been studying too hard, working for this."
They carried him out and took him home, and one of the elders offered a
special prayer for his speedy recovery, and that, being recovered, he
might bear his new responsibilities with becoming meekness.
When the young minister came to himself, he was lying on the bed in his
own room, and Mrs. Hodges, Eliphalet, and a doctor were bending over
him.
"He 's coming round all right now," said the medical man. "You won't
need me any longer." And he departed.
"How are you now, Fred?" asked Mrs. Hodges.
The young man closed his eyes again and did not answer. He had awakened
to a full realisation of his position, and a dull misery lay at his
heart. He wished that he could die then and there, for death seemed the
only escape from his bondage. He was bound, irrevocably bound.
"Poor child," Mrs. Hodges went on, "it was awful tryin' on his nerves.
Joy is worse 'n sorrow, sometimes; an' then he 'd been workin' so hard.
I 'd never 'a' believed he could do it, ef Brother Simpson had n't stuck
up fur it."
"She knew it, then," thought Fred. "It was all planned."
"I don't think you 'd better talk, Hester," said her husband, in a low
voice. He had seen a spasm pass over the face of the prostrate youth.
"Well, I 'll go out an' see about the dinner. Some o' the folks I 've
invited will be comin' in purty soon, an' others 'll be droppin' in to
inquire how he is. I do hope he 'll be well enough to come to the table:
it won't seem hardly like an ordination dinner without the principal
person. Jes' set by him, 'Liphalet, an' give him them drops the doctor
left."
As soon as he heard the door close behind her, Brent opened his eyes and
suddenly laid his hand on the old man's shoulder. "You won't let anybody
see me, Uncle 'Liph? you won't let them come in here?"
"No, no, my boy, not ef you don't want 'em," said the old man.
"I shall have to think it all over before I see any one. I am not quite
clear yet."
"I 'low it was unexpected."
"Did you know, Uncle 'Liph?" he asked, fixing his eyes upon his old
friend's face.
"I know'd they was a-plannin' somethin', but I never could find out
what, or I would have told you."
A look of relief passed over Brent's face. Just then Mrs. Hodges opened
the door. "Here 's Elizabeth to see him," she said.
"'Sh," said the old man with great ostentation; and tiptoeing over to
the door he partly drew it to, putting his head outside to whisper, "He
is too weak; it ain't best fur him to see nobody now."
He closed the door and returned to his seat. "It was 'Lizabeth," he
said. "Was I right?"
For answer the patient arose from the bed and walked weakly over to his
side.
"Tut, tut, tut, Freddie," said Eliphalet, hesitating over the name. "You
'd better lay down now; you ain't any too strong yet."
The young man leaned heavily on his chair, and looked into his friend's
eyes: "If God had given me such a man as you as a father, or even as a
guardian, I would not have been damned," he said.
"'Sh, 'sh, my boy. Don't say that. You 're goin' to be all right; you
're--you 're--" Eliphalet's eyes were moist, and his voice choked here.
Rising, he suddenly threw his arms around Fred's neck, crying, "You are
my son. God has give you to me to nurse in the time of your trial."
The young man returned the embrace; and so Mrs. Hodges found them when
she opened the door softly and peered in. She closed it noiselessly and
withdrew.
"Well, I never!" she said. There was a questioning wonder in her face.
"I don't know what to make of them two," she added; "they could n't have
been lovin'er ef they had been father and son."
After a while the guests began to arrive for the dinner. Many were the
inquiries and calls for the new minister, but to them all Eliphalet
made the same answer: "He ain't well enough to see folks."
Mrs. Hodges herself did her best to bring him out, or to get him to let
some of the guests in, but he would not. Finally her patience gave way,
and she exclaimed, "Well, now, Frederick Brent, you must know that you
air the pastor of a church, an' you 've got to make some sacrifices for
people's sake. Ef you kin possibly git up,--an' I know you kin,--you
ought to come out an' show yoreself for a little while, anyhow. You 've
got some responsibilities now."
"I did n't ask for them," he answered, coldly. There was a set look
about his lips. "Neither will I come out or see any one. If I am old
enough to be the pastor of a church, I am old enough to know my will and
have it."
Mrs. Hodges was startled at the speech. She felt vaguely that there was
a new element in the boy's character since morning. He was on the
instant a man. It was as if clay had suddenly hardened in the potter's
hands. She could no longer mould or ply him. In that moment she
recognised the fact.
The dinner was all that could be expected, and her visitors enjoyed it,
in spite of the absence of the guest of honour, but for the hostess it
was a dismal failure. After wielding the sceptre for years, it had been
suddenly snatched from her hand; and she felt lost and helpless,
deprived of her power.