_Beleaguers babble around the Battering-Ram:--_
_Balfourius_ (_musingly_). "Heroes tall
Dislodging pinnacle and parapet
Upon the tortoise creeping to the wall."
_Chamberlainus_ (_sardonically_). Heroes tall, indeed! Have the
distressed defenders of this untenable Citadel any such? GLADSTONIUS is
a sort of hero, perhaps, but hardly tall; HARCOURTIUS is tall indeed,
but no hero. Aha!
_Saundersonius_ (_sharply_). Yes; and we have had too much of that
"tortoise-creeping" business. Sharp's the word now, I hope. BALFOURIUS'S
Battering-Ram--though the murderous ruffians--I mean excited
politicians--_did_ denounce it, is better than all your tortoises!
_Balfourius_ (_completing his quotation_). "Lances in ambush set."
_Saundersonius._ Oh yes, they're all very well--in their way. A School
of Strategy for our "young bloods," with secret _séances_,
and--ahem!--_Fagin_-like rehearsals, is not a bad notion. But on the
whole I agree with _Moloch_:--
"My sentence is for open war: of wiles,
More inexpert, I boast not: there let those
Contrive who need, or when they need, not now.
For while they sit contriving, shall the rest,
Millions that stand in arms, and longing wait
The signal to arise, sit lingering here,
Prisoners of his tyranny who reigns
By our delay? No, let us rather choose,
Arm'd with hell-flames and fury all at once,
O'er these high towers to force resistless way,
Turning Obstruction into horrid arms
Against the Obstructor; when to meet the noise
Of his 'iniquitous' engine, he shall hear
Ulsterian thunder; and for lightning set
Green fire and rockets shot with equal rage
Among his 'items;' and his seat itself
Shake with Tartarean tactics, 'dirty tricks,'
His own invented dodges."
_Grandolphus_ (_tugging at Balfourius's tunic-tails_). Ha! ha! ha! Well
quoted, my Orange-plumed Hyperborean hero! (_Aside: I must read up the
bards a bit. Didn't know they were so practically pertinent. How handy
that_ "_senesque_" _bit came in the other day!_)
_Balfourius_ (_fidgeting_). I say, GRANDOLPHUS, if you'd tug at the rope,
instead of my tails, I fancy you'd tire me less, and have more effect on
the Ram.
_Grandolphus_ (_cheerily_). Ah, my old friend, I assure you I intend to
stick to _you_ "loyally and unhesitatingly."
_Balfourius_ (_drily_). Oh--_thanks!!!_
_Chamberlainus._ Never _were_ such a United lot as we are:
(_Sings sotto voce._)
_For I love dear_ B. _as a brother, I do,_
_And dear_ B. _he worships me;_
_But we'll both be blowed if we'll either be stowed_
_In the other chap's hold, you see!_
_Balfourius._ What's that you say?
_Chamberlainus._ Oh, merely humming "Birds in their little nests agree."
_Balfourius._ Ah, as the Chief says, there'll be plenty of opportunity
for personal sacrifice and pulling together before we're through with
this siege. To work this Battering-Ram with effect, unanimity and
simultaneity of effort are especially essential.
_Saundersonius._ Quite so! So bear a hand--_at the rope_, GRANDOLPHUS,
if you please. Now then, boys--_all together!!!_ BANG!!!!!!
_Grand Old Voice_ (_from within_). "When they _do_ agree, their
unanimity is wonderful." Wonder if that gate will stand the shock! Must
disable that Rampant Ram of theirs--somehow.
[_Left keeping his eye on 'em._
* * * * *
SUFFICIENTLY ANTIQUE.--Said TOMKINS, "I won't say my
ancestors were in this Country before the Flood, _but_
they came in with the High Tide."
* * * * *
[Illustration: THE ASSAULT!!]
* * * * *
[Illustration: TRIALS OF A CONVALESCENT.
_Tompkins_ (_in a feeble voice, for the fourth or fifth
time, with no result_). "CHAIRMAN!!! CHAIRMAN!!!"
_That Awful Boy._ "LYDIES AND GENTLEMEN----!!"]
* * * * *