The next morning, whilst dressing, I heard a blithe voice carolling on the
stair. It was the orison of Margaret Binkie as she descended to the
breakfast-room. I listened and caught the following verses:--
"O hand away frae me," she said,
"I pray you let me be!
Hae you the shares ye held, my lord,
What time ye courted me?
"'Tis woman's weird to luve and pine,
And man's is to forget:
Hold you the shares, Lord James," she said,
"Or hae ye sold them yet?"
"My York Extensions, bought at par,
I sold at seven pund prem.--
And, O my heart is sair to think
I had nae mair of them!"
"That is really a remarkable girl!" thought I, as I stropped my razor.
"Such genius, such animation, and such a thorough knowledge of the market!
She would make a splendid wife for a railway-director."
"Come away, Mr Dunshunner," said the Provost, as I entered the parlour. "I
hope ye are yaup, for ye have a lang day's wark before ye."
"I am sure it would be an agreeable one, sir, if accompanied with such
sweet music as I heard this morning. Pardon me, Miss Binkie, but you
really are a perfect Sappho."
"You are too good, I am sure, Mr Dunshunner. Will you take tea or coffee?"
"Maggie," said the Provost, "I maun put a stop to that skirling--it's well
eneuch for the night, but the morning is the time for business. Mr
Dunshunner, I've been thinking over this job of ours, and here is a bit
listie of the maist influential persons in Dreepdaily, that you must
positeevely see this day. They wad be affronted if they kenned ye were
here without calling on them. Noo, mark me,--I dinna just say that ony o'
them is the folk ye ken o', but it's no ava unlikely; sae ye maun even use
yer ain discretion. Tak an auld man's word for it, and aye put your best
fit foremost."
I acquiesced in the justice of the suggestion, although I was really
unconscious which foot deserved the precedence. The Provost continued--
"Just ae word mair. Promising is a cheap thing, and ye needna be vera
sparing of it. If ony body speaks to ye about a gaugership, or a place in
the Customs or the Post-office, just gie ye a bit wink, tak out your
note-book, and make a mark wi' the keelavine pen. It aye looks weel, and
gangs as far as a downright promise. Deny or refuse naebody. Let them
think that ye can do every thing wi' the ministry; and if there should
happen to be a whaup in the rape, let them even find it out theirsells.
Tell them that ye stand up for Dreepdaily, and its auld charter, and the
Whig constitution, and liberal principles. Maist feck o' them disna ken
what liberal principles is, but they like the word. I whiles think that
liberal principles means saying muckle and doing naething, but you needna
tell them that. The Whigs are lang-headed chiells, and they hae had the
sense to claim a' the liberality to themsells, ever since the days o' the
Reform Bill."
Such and such-like were the valuable maxims which Provost Binkie instilled
into my mind during the progress of breakfast. I must say they made a
strong impression upon me; and any candidate who may hereafter come
forward for the representation of a Scottish burgh, on principles similar
to my own, would do well to peruse and remember them.
At length I rose to go.
"Do I carry your good wishes along with me, Miss Binkie, on my canvass?"
"Most cordially, Mr Dunshunner; I shall be perfectly miserable until I
learn your success. I can assure you of my support, and earnestly wish I
was an elector."
"Enviable would be the Member of Parliament who could represent so
charming a constituency!"
"Oh, Mr Dunshunner!"
Directed by the Provost's list, I set forth in search of my constituency.
The first elector whose shop I entered was a draper of the name of
M'Auslan. I found him in the midst of his tartans.
"Mr M'Auslan, I presume?"
"Ay," was the curt response.
"Allow me to introduce myself, sir. My name is Dunshunner."
"Oh."
"You are probably aware, sir, that I am a candidate for the representation
of these burghs?"
"Ay."
"I hope and trust, Mr M'Auslan, that my principles are such as meet with
your approbation?"
"Maybe."
"I am a friend, sir, to civil and religious liberty,--to Dreepdaily and
its charter,--to the old Whig constitution of 1688,--and to the true
interests of the people."
"Weel?"
"Confound the fellow!" thought I, "was there ever such an insensate block?
I must bring him to the point at once. Mr M'Auslan," I continued in a
very, insinuating tone, "such being my sentiments, may I venture to
calculate on your support?"
"There's twa words to that bargain," replied M'Auslan, departing from
monosyllables.
"Any further explanation that may be required, I am sure, will readily--"
"It's nae use."
"How?" said I, a good deal alarmed. "Is it possible you are already
pledged?"
"No."
"Then what objection--"
"I made naue. I see ye dinna ken us here. The pear's no ripe yet."
"What pear?" asked I, astonished at this horticultural allusion.
"Hark ye," said M'Auslan, looking stealthily around him, and for the first
time exhibiting some marks of intelligence in his features--"Hark ye,--hae
ye seen Toddy Tam yet?"
"Mr Gills? Not yet. I am just going to wait upon him; but Provost Binkie
has promised me his support."
"Wha cares for Provost Binkie! Gang to Toddy Tam."
Not one other word could I extract from the oracular M'Auslan; so, like a
pilgrim, I turned my face towards Mecca, and sallied forth in quest of
this all-important personage. On my way, however, I entered the house of
another voter, one Shanks, a member of the Town Council, from whom I
received equally unsatisfactory replies. He, like M'Auslan, pointed
steadily towards Toddy Tam. Now, who and what was the individual who, by
the common consent of his townsmen, had earned so honourable an epithet?
Mr Thomas Gills had at one time been a clerk in the office of the departed
Linklater. His function was not strictly legal, nor confined to the
copying of processes: it had a broader and wider scope, and was exercised
in a more congenial manner. In short, Mr Gills was a kind of provider for
the establishment. His duties were to hunt out business; which he achieved
to a miracle by frequenting every possible public-house, and wringing from
them, amidst their cups, the stories of the wrongs of his compotators. Wo
to the wight who sate down for an afternoon's conviviality with Toddy Tam!
Before the mixing of the fourth tumbler, the ingenious Gills was sure to
elicit some hardship or grievance, for which benignant Themis could give
redress; and rare, indeed, was the occurrence of the evening on which he
did not capture some additional clients. He would even go the length of
treating his victim, when inordinately shy, until the fatal mandate was
given, and retraction utterly impossible.
Such decided business talents, of course, were not overlooked by the
sagacious Laurence Linklater. Gills enjoyed a large salary, the greater
moiety of which he consumed in alcoholic experiments; and shortly before
the decease of his patron, he was promoted to the lucrative and easy
office of some county registrarship. He now began to cultivate
conviviality for its own especial sake. It was no longer dangerous to
drink with him; for though, from habit, he continued to poke into
grievances, he never, on the following morning, pursued the subject
further. But what was most remarkable about Toddy Tam was, his
independence. He never truckled to dictation from any quarter; but, whilst
Binkie and the rest were in fear and terror of the Clique, he openly
defied that body, and dared them to do their worst. He was the only man in
Dreepdaily who ventured to say that Tom Gritts was right in the motion he
had made, and he further added, that if he, Thomas Gills, had been in the
Town Council, the worthy and patriotic baker should not have wanted a
seconder. This was considered a very daring speech, and one likely to draw
down the vengeance of the unrelenting junta: but the thunder slept in the
cloud, and Mr Gills enjoyed himself as before.
I found him in his back parlour, in company with a very rosy individual.
Although it was not yet noon, a case-bottle and glasses were on the table,
and the whole apartment stunk abominably with the fumes of whisky.
"Sit in, Mr Dunshunner, sit in!" said Toddy Tam, in a tone of great
cordiality, after I had effected my introduction. "Ye'll no hae had your
morning yet? Lass, bring in a clean glass for the gentleman."
"I hope you will excuse me, Mr Gills. I really never do--"
"Hoots--nonsense! Ye maun be neighbour-like, ye ken--we a' expect it at
Dreepdaily." And so saying, Toddy Tam, poured me out a full glass of
spirits. I had as lieve have swallowed ink, but I was forced to constrain
myself and bolt it.
"Ay, and so ye are coming round to us as a candidate, are ye? What d'ye
think o' that, Mr Thamson--hae ye read Mr Dunshunner's address?"
The rubicund individual chuckled, leered, and rose to go, but Toddy Tam
laid a heavy hand upon his shoulder.
"Sit ye down, man," he said; "I've naething to say to Mr Dunshunner that
the hail warld may not hear, nor him to me neither, I hope."
"Certainly not," said I; "and I really should feel it as a great
obligation if Mr Thomson would be kind enough to remain."
"That's right, lad!" shouted Gills. "Nae hole-and-corner work for me! A'
fair and abune board, and the deil fly away with the Clique!"
Had Thomson been an ordinary man, he probably would have grown pale at
this daring objurgation: as it was, he fidgetted in his chair, and his
face became a shade more crimson.
"Weel, now," continued Toddy Tam, "let us hear what Mr Dunshunner has got
to say for himsel'. There's naething like hearing opinions before we put
ony questions."
Thus adjured, I went through the whole of my political confession of
faith, laying, of course, due stress upon the great and glorious
Revolution of 1688, and my devotion to the cause of liberality. Toddy Tam
and his companion heard me to the end without interruption.
"Gude--sae far gude, Mr Dunshunner," said Gills. "I see little to objeck
to in your general principles; but for a' that I'm no going to pledge
mysel until I ken mair o' ye. I hope, sir, that ye're using nae underhand
influence--that there has been nae communings with the Clique, a body that
I perfeckly abominate? Dreepdaily shall never be made a pocket burrow, so
long as Thomas Gills has any influence in it."
I assured Mr Gills, what was the naked truth, that I had no knowledge
whatever of the Clique.
"Ye see, Mr Dunshunner," continued Toddy Tam, "we are a gey and
independent sort of people here, and we want to be independently
represented. My gude friend, Mr Thamson here, can tell you that I have had
a sair fecht against secret influence, and I am amaist feared that some
men like the Provost owe me a grudge for it. He's a pawkie loon, the
Provost, and kens brawly how to play his cards."
"He's a' that!" ejaculated Thomson.
"But I dinna care a snuff of tobacco for the haill of the Town Council, or
the Clique. Give me a man of perfeck independence, and I'll support him. I
voted for the last member sair against my conscience, for he was put up by
the Clique, and never came near us: but I hope better things frae you, Mr
Dunshunner, if you should happen to be returned. Mind, I don't say that I
am going to support ye--I maun think about it; but if ye are a good man
and a true, and no a nominee, I dare say that both my gude freend Thamson,
and mysell, will no objeck to lend you a helping-hand."
This was all I could extract from Toddy Tam, and, though favourable, it
was far from being satisfactory. There was a want, from some cause or
another, of that cordial support which I had been led to anticipate; and I
almost felt half inclined to abandon the enterprise altogether. However,
after having issued my address, this would have looked like cowardice. I
therefore diligently prosecuted my canvass, and contrived, in the course
of the day, to encounter a great portion of the electors. Very few pledged
themselves. Some surly independents refused point-blank, alleging that
they did not intend to vote at all: others declined to promise, until they
should know how Toddy Tam and other magnates were likely to go. My only
pledges were from the sworn retainers of the Provost.
"Well, Mr Dunshunner, what success?" cried Miss Margaret Binkie, as I
returned rather jaded from my circuit. "I hope you have found all the
Dreepdaily people quite favourable?"
"Why no, Miss Binkie, not quite so much so as I could desire. Your
townsmen here seem uncommonly slow in making up their minds to any thing."
"Oh, that is always their way. I have heard Papa say that the same thing
took place at last election, and that nobody declared for Mr Whistlerigg
until the very evening before the nomination. So you see you must not lose
heart."
"If my visit to Dreepdaily should have no other result, Miss Binkie, I
shall always esteem it one of the most fortunate passages of my life,
since it has given me the privilege of your acquaintance."
"Oh, Mr Dunshunner! How can you speak so? I am afraid you are a great
flatterer!" replied Miss Binkie, pulling at the same time a sprig of
geranium to pieces. "But you look tired--pray take a glass of wine."
"By no means, Miss Binkie. A word from you is a sufficient cordial. Happy
geranium!" said I picking up the petals.
Now I know very well that all this sort of thing is wrong, and that a man
has no business to begin flirtations if he cannot see his way to the end
of them. At the same time I hold the individual who dislikes flirtations
to be a fool, and sometimes they are utterly irresistible.
"Now, Mr Dunshunner, I do beg you won't! Pray sit down on the sofa, for I
am sure you are tired, and if you like to listen I shall sing you a
little ballad I have composed to-day."
"I would rather hear you sing than an angel," said I; "but pray do not
debar me the privilege of standing by your side."
"Just as you please;" and Margaret began to rattle away on the
harpsichord.
"O whaur hae ye been, Augustus, my son?
O whaur hae ye been, my winsome young man?
I hae been to the voters--mither, mak my bed soon,
For I'm weary wi' canvassing, and fain wad lay me doun.
"O whaur are your plumpers, Augustus, my son?
O whaur are your split votes, my winsome young man?
They are sold to the Clique--Mither, mak my bed soon,
For I'm weary wi' canvassing, and fain wad lay me doun.
"O I fear ye are cheated, Augustus, my son,
O I fear ye are done for, my winsome young man!
'I hae been to my true love--'"
I could stand this no longer.
"Charming, cruel girl!" cried I dropping on one knee,--"why will you thus
sport with my feelings? Where else should I seek for my true love but
here?"
I don't know what might have been the sequel of the scene, had not my good
genius, in the shape of Mysie the servant girl, at this moment burst into
the apartment. Miss Binkie with great presence of mind dropped her
handkerchief, which afforded me an excellent excuse for recovering my
erect position.
Mysie was the bearer of a billet, addressed to myself, and marked "private
and particular." I opened it and read as follows.
"Sir--Some of those who are well disposed towards you have arranged to
meet this night, and are desirous of a private interview at which full and
mutual explanations may be given. It may be right to mention to you that
the question of _the currency_ will form the basis of any political
arrangement; and it is expected that you will then be prepared to state
explicitly your views with regard to _bullion_. Something more than
pledges upon this subject will be required.
"As this meeting will be a strictly private one, the utmost secrecy must
be observed. Be on the bridge at eleven o'clock this night, and you will
be conducted to the appointed place. Do not fail as you value your own
interest. Yours, &c.
"SHELL OUT."
"Who brought this letter, Mysie?" said I, considerably flustered at its
contents.
"A laddie. He said there was nae answer, and ran awa'."
"No bad news, I hope, Mr Dunshunner?" said Margaret timidly.
I looked at Miss Binkie. Her eye was still sparkling, and her cheek
flushed. She evidently was annoyed at the interruption, and expected a
renewal of the conversation. But I felt that I had gone quite far enough,
if not a little beyond the line of prudence. It is easy to make a
declaration, but remarkably difficult to back out of it; and I began to
think that, upon the whole, I had been a little too precipitate. On the
plea, therefore, of business, I emerged into the open air; and, during a
walk of a couple of miles, held secret communing with myself.
"Here you are again, Dunshunner, my fine fellow, putting your foot into it
as usual! If it had not been for the arrival of the servant, you would
have been an engaged man at this moment, and saddled with a father-in-law
in the shape of a vender of molasses. Besides, it is my private opinion
that you don't care sixpence about the girl. But it is the old story. This
is the third time since Christmas that you have been on the point of
committing matrimony, and if you don't look sharp after yourself, you will
be sold an especial bargain! Now, frankly and fairly, do you not
acknowledge yourself to be an idiot?"
I did. Men are generally very candid and open in their confessions to
themselves; and the glaring absurdity of my conduct was admitted without
any hesitation. I resolved to mend my ways accordingly, and to eschew for
the future all tete-a-tetes with the too fascinating Maggie Binkie. That
point disposed of, I returned to the mysterious missive. To say the
truth, I did not much like it. Had these been the days of Burking, I
should have entertained some slight personal apprehension; but as there
was no such danger, I regarded it either as a hoax, or as some
electioneering _ruse_, the purpose of which I could not fathom. However,
as it is never wise to throw away any chance, I determined to keep the
appointment; and, if a meeting really were held, to give the best
explanations in my power to my correspondent, Mr Shell Out, and his
friends. In this mood of mind I returned to the Provost's dwelling.
The dinner that day was not so joyous as before. Old Binkie questioned me
very closely as to the result of my visits, and seemed chagrined that
Toddy Tam had not been more definite in his promises of support.
"Ye maun hae Tam," said the Provost. "He disna like the Clique--I hope
naebody's listening--nor the Clique him; but he stands weel wi' the
Independents, and the Seceders will go wi' him to a man. We canna afford
to lose Gills. I'll send ower for him, and see if we canna talk him into
reason. Haith, though, we'll need mair whisky, for Tam requires an unco
deal of slockening!"
Tam, however, proved to be from home, and therefore the Provost and I were
left to our accustomed duet. He complained grievously of my
abstemiousness, which for divers reasons I thought it prudent to observe.
An extra tumbler might again have made Miss Binkie a cherub in my eyes.
I am afraid that the young lady thought me a very changeable person. When
the Provost fell asleep, she allowed the conversation to languish, until
it reached that awful degree of pause which usually precedes the popping
of the question. But this time I was on my guard, and held out with heroic
stubbornness. I did not even launch out upon the subject of poetry, which
Maggie rather cleverly introduced; for there is a decided affinity between
the gay science and the tender passion, and it is difficult to preserve
indifference when quoting from the "Loves of the Angels." I thought it
safer to try metaphysics. It is not easy to extract an amorous avowal,
even by implication, from a discourse upon the theory of consciousness;
and I flatter myself that Kant, if he could have heard me that evening,
would have returned home with some novel lights upon the subject. Miss
Binkie seemed to think that I might have selected a more congenial theme;
for she presently exhibited symptoms of pettishness, took up a book, and
applied herself diligently to the perusal of a popular treatise upon
knitting.
Shortly afterwards, the Provost awoke, and his daughter took occasion to
retire. She held out her hand to me with rather a reproachful look, but,
though sorely tempted, I did not indulge in a squeeze.
"That's a fine lassie--a very fine lassie!" remarked the Provost, as he
severed a Welch rabbit into twain. "Ye are no a family man yet, Mr
Dunshunner, and ye maybe canna comprehend what a comfort she has been to
me. I'm auld now, and a thocht failing; but it is a great relief to me to
ken that, when I am in my grave, Maggie winna be tocherless. I've laid up
a braw nest-egg for her ower at the bank yonder."
I of course coincided in the praise of Miss Binkie, but showed so little
curiosity as to the contents of the indicated egg, that the Provost
thought proper to enlighten me, and hinted at eight thousand pounds. It is
my positive belief that the worthy man expected an immediate proposal: if
so, he was pretty egregiously mistaken. I could not, however, afford, at
this particular crisis, to offend him, and accordingly stuck to generals.
As the hour of meeting was approaching, I thought it necessary to acquaint
him with the message I had received, in order to account for my exit at so
unseasonable a time.
"It's verra odd,"--said the Provost,--"very odd! A' Dreepdaily should be
in their beds by this time; and I canna think there could be a meeting
without me hearing of it. It's just the reverse o' constitutional to keep
folk trailing aboot the toun at this time o' nicht, and the brig is a
queer place for a tryst."
"You do not surely apprehend, Mr Binkie, that there is any danger?"
"No just that, but you'll no be the waur o' a rung. Ony gait, I'll send to
Saunders Caup, the toun-officer, to be on the look-out. If any body
offers to harm ye, be sure ye cry out, and Saunders will be up in a crack.
He's as stieve as steel, and an auld Waterloo man."
As a considerable number of years has elapsed since the last great
European conflict, I confess that my confidence in the capabilities of Mr
Caup, as an ally, was inferior to my belief in his prowess. I therefore
declined the proposal, but accepted the weapon; and, after a valedictory
tumbler with my host, emerged into the darkened street.