"Now, mind," said Tom, after a pause in our giggling, "we won't tell any
one else about it!"
"No," I agreed; "it will be all the more fun to keep it to ourselves,
and, besides, there will be less chance of our being found out."
True to our compact, not a word of our conspiracy was breathed to a soul
in the school; and the eventful day approached at last, if not "big with
the fate of Caesar and of Rome," pregnant with a plan for astonishing
our master, and celebrating the anniversary of the Gunpowder Plot in a
manner never known before in the traditions of the establishment--
although, perhaps, perfectly in keeping with the idea of the original
iconoclast, whose memory we intended to do honour to in fitting manner.
When Dr Hellyer awoke to the knowledge of the fact that the Fifth of
November fell this year on a Sunday, had he generously made allowance
for the patriotic feelings of his pupils, and allowed them to have their
usual annual firework demonstration on the Saturday prior, which
happened to be a half-holiday, the matter might have been harmoniously
arranged, and Tom and I been persuaded at the last moment to abandon our
daring enterprise--possibly, that is, though I doubt it much.
But, no. Dr Hellyer grasped the chance afforded him by the fortuitous
cycle of dates as a splendid opportunity for putting down what had been
a yearly _bete noir_ to him; and so, he rushed madly on to his fate.
After dinner in the refectory, on the third of the month--two days
beforehand, so as to give them clear notice of his intentions, in order
not be accused of taking them unawares, and causing them to lay out
their savings uselessly--just as the boys were going to rush out of the
room for their usual hour's relaxation before afternoon school, he
detained them, with a wave of his well-known fat arm and the sound of
his rolling accents.
"Boys," he cried, "wait a moment! I have--ah--determined that--ah--as
Guy Fawkes' day this year--ah--will be next Sunday, when--ah--of
course--ah--you will be unable with any regard for the solemn
associations--ah--of the--ah--Sabbath, be--ah--able to celebrate it in
your usual fashion--ah--that--ah--you must--ah--postpone--ah--your--ah
bonfire--ah--till next year."
A loud murmur ran round the room at this, an expression of popular
opinion which I had never heard previously in the school.
The master, however, was equal to the occasion.
"Silence!" he roared out at the pitch of his voice, making the ceiling
ring again, dropping his "Ahs" and drowning the sibillation of the
malcontents by sheer dint of making a superior amount of noise. "Any
boy I catch hissing, or otherwise expressing disapproval of my orders,
had better look out, that's all! There will be no celebration of Guy
Fawkes' day here, do you hear me! No, neither this year, nor next year,
nor any year again, so long as I am master of this school! You can
disperse now; but, mark my words, any one found letting off a squib or
cracker, or discovered to be in the possession of gunpowder, or other
explosive compound, will have to render an account to me. Boys, you're
dismissed!"
Bless you, when Dr Hellyer ceased speaking there was a silence that
could almost be felt, and we all sneaked out of the room with
corresponding quietude--adjourning to the playground as if we were going
to attend a funeral instead of going out for diversion!
But, it was a silence that meant mischief, a quietude that was next door
to hatching a mutiny; and, when we had got outside, there was a general
howl of indignation that the Doctor could not have helped hearing,
although the door communicating with the house was closed and he was
still in the refectory in front, while we were at the rear of the
establishment.
Of course, as was natural at such a crisis, the boys grouped themselves
into little coteries, considering what should be done in such an
unlooked-for emergency. Even Slodgers, the sneak, pretended to be as
angry as anybody, desiring to have revenge for the deprivation of our
annual gala show; but Tom and I kept aloof from all, and held our own
counsel, much to the disgust of Slodgers, as we could easily see, for
the cur wanted to hear what we might suggest so that he could go and
report to Dr Hellyer.
We were too wary birds for Slodgers, however; we were not going to be
caught, like young pigeons, with his chaff--no, we knew better than
that!
We agreed with the mass of our schoolfellows that the Doctor's arbitrary
proclamation was an act of unmitigated tyranny and a "jolly shame;" but,
beyond that, Slodgers could get nothing out of us, although we listened
cordially to all the others had to say, and regulated our procedure
accordingly.
"I vote," said Batson, one of the big boys like Tom and I were now,
"that we buy our fireworks on Saturday, in spite of what Old Growler has
declared, and if he does not allow us to let them off in the evening,
why we'll have `a grand pyrotechnic display,' as the newspapers say, at
night in the dormitories."
"Hear, hear!" shouted all the fellows in rapturous enthusiasm at such a
bold idea; and even Tom and I wondered whether this plan would not be
better than ours. But it was only for a moment. Reflection told us
that the Doctor would certainly hear of our doings in time, through
Slodgers, to nip the brilliant design in the bud ere it could be
matured; so, while the majority of the boys devoted all their spare cash
on the Saturday afternoon, when some of us were allowed to go into the
town, in the purchase of squibs and crackers, and Roman candles, we
declined all share in the enterprise on the plea of having no money--an
excuse readily recognised, as the finances of most of the pupils were
known to be not in a flourishing condition.
While Batson and his confreres took advantage of the half-holiday to go
out to buy these fireworks, Tom and I remained indoors, he on the plea
of indisposition and I for the ostensible purpose of writing out an
imposition; but we both utilised the time thus afforded us by artfully
removing the store of combustibles we had already secreted in our
lockers, bringing them down-stairs, and placing them for safety and
concealment in the cellar below, where our boxes were kept.
It was a timely precaution.
Slodgers had evidently played the sneak as usual, although keeping up
the semblance all the while of being one of the prime movers in the
pyrotechnic display suggested by Batson. Indeed, he went so far as to
buy and bring home a shilling's-worth of detonating powder to aid the
contemplated _feu de joie_; but, no sooner had the boys got in and gone
up-stairs to arrange their clothes for Sunday, as was our custom before
tea-time every Saturday afternoon, than Dr Hellyer, accompanied by
Smiley and the Cobbler, and the old woman, who had the keenest eye of
the lot for the detection of contraband stores, came round to the
dormitories on an exploring and searching expedition. There was a grand
_expose_ of the conspiracy, of course, at once; for, the contents of all
the lockers were turned out and the newly-purchased fireworks
confiscated to the last cracker!
"Ah--you can't deceive me!" exclaimed the Doctor, as he departed
triumphantly, his arms and those of his assistants loaded with the
spoils of their raid, "I told you I would not have any fireworks in my
school this year, and shall keep my word, as you see! You have only to
thank yourselves--ah--for wasting your money! But, for disobeying my
orders the boys will all stop in next week on both half-holidays;" and,
so concluding his parting address, with a triumphant grin on his huge
round face, he went out, leaving the baffled conspirators in agonies of
rage, swearing vengeance against the unknown spy who had betrayed their
preparations.
Tom and I were jubilant, however. Nothing could have worked better for
the end we had in view; as, after this failure of Batson, the surprise
we intended for the Doctor would be all the more unexpected and
correspondingly successful.
It was a sad night, though, for the other fellows.
When Sunday morning came, the boys got up grumbling, moody, defiant, and
almost inclined to weep over their frustrated efforts; while Tom and I
were so jolly that we could have sung aloud.
We always breakfasted later on this day of the week, and after the meal
was done generally lounged about the room while the old woman was
clearing up, waiting till it was time for us to assemble for what we
styled our "church parade;" but, this morning, the boys seemed out of
sorts, and went back again up-stairs after they had finished, leaving
only Tom and myself in the refectory, while the old woman was removing
the breakfast things and putting on a clean table-cloth for dinner. She
quitted the apartment as soon as she had swept up the fireplace, placing
enough coal on the fire to last till the afternoon, and otherwise
completing her arrangements--then going down to the kitchen, from which
we knew she would not emerge until we came back from church again, when
it would be time to sound the gong for dinner--which meal was also an
hour later on Sundays than on week days; and, being generally of a more
sumptuous description, it required extra cooking.
This was the opportunity Tom and I had waited for all along, in
pursuance of our plan; so, long ere the old woman had reached her
sanctum below, we were at work, having taken advantage of the time we
were washing in the lavatory before breakfast to put our fireworks and
combustible matter in our pockets, whence we now quickly proceeded to
extract the explosive agents, and deposit them in certain fixed
positions we had arranged beforehand after much consultation.
Now, what I am going to relate I would much rather not tell about, as it
concerns what I consider a very shameful episode in my life. The only
thing I can urge in extenuation of my conduct is the lax manner in which
my earlier life was looked after in my uncle's house, where my worse
passions were allowed full play, without that judicious control which
parental guidance would perhaps have exercised on my inherent
disposition for giving vent to temper, with no thought whatever of the
consequences of any hare-brained act I might commit. I narrate,
therefore, the circumstances that led to my running away from school,
merely because my mad and wicked attempt to injure Dr Hellyer is a
portion of my life-history, and I wish to describe all that happened to
me truthfully, without glossing over a single incident to my discredit.
I thus hope that no boy reading this will, on the strength of my
example, be prompted to do evil, with the malicious idea of "paying off
a grudge." I may add that I entirely take all the blame to myself, for,
had it not been for me, Tom Larkyns, I am sure, would have had no hand
in the matter; and you will see later on, if you proceed with my story,
how, through the wonderful workings of Providence, I was almost
subjected to the same terrible fate I had been the means of preparing
for our schoolmaster; although, fortunately, the evil design I and Tom
planned only reverted on our own heads. Our diabolical scheme was more
than a thoughtless one. It might, besides, jeopardising the life of Dr
Hellyer, have set fire to the house, when, perhaps, many of our
schoolfellows might have been burnt to death.
The first thing Dr Hellyer always did on entering the refectory when he
returned from church was, as we well knew, to walk up to the fireplace,
where he would give the bars a thorough raking out with the poker and
then heap a large shovelful of coals on from the adjacent scuttle. In
this receptacle, Tom and I now carefully placed about a quarter of a
pound of gunpowder with some squibs, the latter blackened over like the
shining Wallsend knobs, so as to escape detection; and then, such was
our fiendish plan, we concealed under the cushion of the Doctor's
armchair a packet of crackers, connected with a long tiny thread of a
fuse leading midway under the centre of the broad table, so that it
could not be seen or interfered with by the boys' feet as they sat at
dinner, along the floor to the end of the form where we usually sat,
near the entrance to the apartment.
"I shall manage to light this fuse somehow or other," Tom said, assuming
the control of this infernal machine; and then, after going into the
hall to get our caps, giving another look round the room when we came
back, to see whether our preparations were noticeable, we awaited Dr
Hellyer's summons to proceed to church--with calm satisfaction at the so
far successful issue of our calculations.
During our processional walk we were both in high glee at the grand
"blowing up" that would happen on our return--a sort of "Roland for an
Oliver" in return for the many different sorts of blowings up we had
received at Dr Hellyer's hands at one time and another. I was all the
more excited, too, for I had made up my mind to attempt another exploit
of which I had not even warned Tom, but which would probably throw his
sublime conception into the shade.
I had, in my visits to the different coasting craft in the harbour, been
presented by a fisherman with a lot of very small fish-hooks. These I
had in the morning attached by thin pieces of thread to several fire
crackers, which I intended for my own personal satisfaction to present
to the Doctor, although in a way he would not relish or dream of.
If there was one thing more than another that Dr Hellyer esteemed I
think I have already sufficiently pointed out it was his dignity--to the
glory of which the archdeacon's hat he always wore on Sundays eminently
contributed; and, as may be believed, he venerated this head-covering
accordingly.
It was against this hat I contemplated taking especial proceedings now.
Being held to be an outlaw to all ordinary discipline, the Doctor, to
have me under his own eye, made me walk close behind him in the
procession formed for our march to and from church. Tom and some three
or four other unruly members were also similarly distinguished; and, as
walking two-and-two abreast we made such a long string, that the masters
behind could not see what was going on in front, we usually had a good
deal of fun in the rear of the Doctor, without, of course, his
perceiving it, or the teachers betraying us.
Watching my chance, soon after we came out of church on this eventful
occasion, I dexterously managed to fasten the fish-hooks with the
crackers attached not only to different points of the master's garments,
but also to his hat; and, the scrunching of our feet on the gravel
pathway from the village deadening the sound I made in scratching the
match I used, I contrived to light the crackers before any one, save the
boys immediately alongside of me, perceived what I was doing.
Everything favoured me.
Presently, whiz--crack--and the Doctor's coat tails flew up as if by
magic, swaying to and fro in the air, although there was no wind; and
the fellows, smelling a "rat" as well as the burnt powder, began to
titter.
"What is that?" said the Doctor, sternly, turning round and confronting
us with an even more majestic deportment than usual.
Of course, nobody answered; but, the crack, crack, cracking continued,
and in another minute, with a bang, off went Dr Hellyer's hat!
Nor was that all. Putting up his hand, with a frantic clutch, to save
his headgear from falling into the mire, it being a drizzling, mizzling,
dirty November day, our worthy preceptor pulled away what we had always
imagined to be a magnificent head of hair, but what turned out now, alas
for human fallibility, only to be a wig!
This was a discovery with a vengeance; and, as might have been expected,
all the boys, as if with one accord, shouted with laughter.
Dr Hellyer was speechless with indignation. He was mad with pain as
well, for in clutching at his hat he had got one of my fish-hooks deeply
imbedded in the palm of his hand--a sort of just retaliation, I thought
it, for all he had made me suffer from his cruel "pandies."
He guessed who was the offender at once, as he caught me laughing when
he turned round, with the end of the smouldering match still held
between my fingers.
"Oh--ah! It is you, is it?" he gasped out, giving me a ponderous slap
on one side of my face with the big broad hand that was uninjured, which
made me reel and tumble down; but a second blow, a backhander on the
opposite side of my head, brought me up again, "all standing." Still,
although I felt these gentle taps, I could not help grinning, which, of
course, increased his rage, if that were possible.
He certainly presented a most comical spectacle, dancing there before
us, first on one leg and then on the other, his bulky frame swaying to
and fro, like that of an elephant performing a jig, with the crackers
exploding every instant, and his bald head surrounded apparently with a
halo of smoke like a "nimbus." The boys fairly shrieked with laughter,
and even Smiley and the Cobbler had to turn their heads aside, to hide
their irrepressible grins. As for myself, I confess that at the moment
of perpetrating the cruel joke, I felt that I wouldn't have missed the
sight for anything. I was really extremely proud of my achievement,
although conscious that I should have to pay dearly bye-and-bye for my
freak in the way of "pandies" and forced abstention from food; but I
little thought of the stern Nemesis at a later period of my life
Providence had in store for me.
In a little time the crackers had all expended their force; when the
Doctor, jamming down the wig and his somewhat crushed and dirty hat over
his fuming brows, with a defiant glare at the lot of us, resumed his
march homeward--taking the precaution of clutching hold of my arm with a
policeman-like grip, as if he were afraid of my giving him the slip
before he had pandied the satisfaction he clearly intended to have out
of my unhappy body. But he need not have been thus alarmed on the score
of any attempted flight on my part, at least then; for I was quite as
anxious to reach the school as he was to get me there. Much as I had
enjoyed this cracker scene, which I had brought about on my own account,
I was longing to see the denouement of the deeply-planned plot, the
details of which Tom and I had so carefully arranged before starting for
church. My little venture was nothing in comparison with what this
would be, I thought.
My ambition was soon gratified.
Our little contretemps on the way had somewhat delayed dinner, which was
already on the table on out arrival; so, without wasting any more time,
Dr Hellyer marched us all in before him, still holding on to me until
he had reached the top of the refectory, where, ordering me to stand up
in front of his armchair, he proceeded as usual to poke the fire and
then shovel on coals.
Bang!
In a second, there was a great glare, and then an explosion, which
brought down a quantity of soot from the old-fashioned open chimney,
covering me all over and making me look like a young sweep, as I was
standing right in front of the fireplace, and came in for the full
benefit of it. I was not at all frightened, however, as, of course, I
had expected a somewhat similar result as soon as the coals went on.
Not so the Doctor, though. With a deep objurgation, he sank back into
his armchair, as if completely overcome.
This was Tom's opportunity, and he quickly took advantage of it.
Glancing slily down under the table, I could see him in the distance
stoop beneath it and apply a match to the end of the fuse, which being a
dry one at once ignited, the spluttering flame running along like a
streak of lightning along the floor and up the leg of the chair on which
Dr Hellyer was sitting--too instantaneously to be detected by any one
not specially looking out for it, like myself.
Poof--crack--bang, went off another explosion; and up bounced Old
Hellyer, as if a catapult had been applied below his seat.
You never saw such a commotion as now ensued. Tom and I were the only
ones who preserved their composure out of the whole lot in the room,
although Dr Hellyer soon showed that, if startled at first, he had not
quite lost his senses.
He rushed at me at once, quite certain that as I had perpetrated the
former attack on his sacred person while on the way from church, I must
likewise be guilty of this second attempt to make a Guy Fawkes of him;
and, striking out savagely, he felled me with a weighty blow from his
great fist, sending me rolling along under the table, and causing me to
see many more stars than an active astronomer could count in the same
space of time--but I'm sure he had sufficient justification to have
treated me even worse!
"You young ruffian!" he exclaimed as he knocked me down, his passion
getting the better both of his scholastic judgment and academical
dignity, and he would probably have proceeded to further extremities had
not Tom Larkyns started up.
"Oh, please don't punish Leigh, sir," I heard him cry out as I lay on
the floor, just within reach of the Doctor's thick club-soled boots,
with which I believe he was just going to operate on me in "Lancashire
fashion," as fighting men say. "Please, sir, don't hurt Leigh--it was I
who did it!"
At this interruption, which seemed to recall him to himself, the master
regained his composure in an instant.
"Get up, boy!" he said to me, gruffly, spurning me away with his foot,
and then, as soon as I was once more in a perpendicular position, he
ordered me, sooty as I was, to go and stand up alongside of Tom.
"Brothers in arms, hey?" chuckled our incensed pedagogue, pondering over
the most aggravating form of torture which he could administer to us in
retaliation for what we had made his person and dignity suffer. "I'll
make you sick of each other's companionship before I've done with you!
Stand up there together now, you pair of young desperadoes, while the
rest of the boys have dinner, which your diabolical conduct has so long
delayed. Mr Smallpage, say grace, please."
"Smiley" thereupon performed the Doctor's usual function; then the
fellows were helped round to roast mutton and Yorkshire pudding--Tom and
I, both hungry as usual, you may be sure--having the gratification of
smelling without being allowed to taste.
This was Dr Hellyer's very practical first stage of punishment; he
always commenced with starving us for any offence against his laws and
ordinances, and then wound up his trilogy of penance with a
proportionate number of "pandies" and solitary confinement.
After dinner the other boys were dismissed, but Tom and I remained still
standing there; Dr Hellyer the while seated in his armchair watching us
grimly as if taking pleasure in our sufferings, and without uttering a
word to either of us.
The afternoon progressed, and the fellows came trooping in to tea at
six, the old woman first arriving; to lay the cloth and put on the china
teapot and tin mugs. We, however, had to pass through the same ordeal
as at dinner; there was none for us, for still the Doctor sat there in
the armchair by the fire, looking in the dancing gleams of light like
some old wizard or magician weaving a charm of spells which was to turn
us into stone where we stood, if that process should not be rendered
unnecessary by our being frozen beforehand from cramp through remaining
so long in the one position.
When the bed gong sounded, we heard the boys trooping up-stairs; and
then Dr Hellyer rose at last.
"Martin Leigh and Thomas Larkyns," he rolled out in his very deepest
voice, making the ceiling of the refectory ring as usual. "I intend to
expel you from my school. I shall write to your friends in the morning;
and, in the meantime, you will be confined here until they come to
remove you!"
He then left the room, locking the door behind him, when the single jet
of light from one burner went out suddenly with a jump, showing that he
had turned the gas off at the main, and that we should not have a
cheering beam to illumine our solitary vigil throughout the weary night.
A little bit of fire was still flickering in the grate, however, and, by
this feeble light Tom and I looked at each other in desperation.
We were in a hobble, and no mistake!
What was to be done?