"Where is Louis Mortimer?" asked Hamilton, the next Saturday afternoon,
about a quarter of an hour after dinner. "Does any one know where
Louis Mortimer is?"
"Here I am, Hamilton, _pret a vous servir_, as Monsieur Gregoire would
say!" cried Louis, starting from behind the school-room door.
"Are you engaged this afternoon?"
"Never, when you want me!" exclaimed Louis.
Hamilton looked gratified, but checked the expression as soon as he
was aware of it.
"That is not right, Louis; I never wish, and never ought, to be an
excuse for breaking an engagement."
"But suppose I make your possible requirements a condition of my
engagements," said Louis, archly; "you have no objection to that,
have you?"
"Only I cannot imagine such a case."
"Such is the case, however, this afternoon. I had the vanity to hope you
would let me walk with you, and so only engaged myself conditionally."
"To whom were you engaged in default of my sufferance?"
"I was going to stay with Casson," replied Louis, hesitatingly. "He has
a cold and headache, and he asked me if I would stay with him in the
class-room, where he is obliged to stay while we are out."
"Casson!" said Hamilton, contemptuously; "you were not talking to him
just now?"
"No; I was only listening to Ferrers. He was telling me about a wager
Frank had just laid with Salisbury."
"How is it you prefer Casson to your friend Clifton?"
"Oh, Hamilton, I don't much like Casson; but he asked me, poor fellow.
Charlie's engaged to West--our days are Sunday, Monday, and Thursday."
"Which of you is first now?"
"Charles is, to-day," said Louis; "he is so very clever, Hamilton."
"I know he is; but you are older, and not a dunce, if you were not idle,
Louis. Louis, I shall repudiate you, if you don't get past him."
"That would be a terrible fate," said Louis, slipping his hand into
Hamilton's. "I cannot tell you how I should miss your kind face and
help. You have been such a very kind friend to me: but I have not been
so very idle, Hamilton."
"Yes, you have," returned Hamilton; "I am vexed with you, Louis. If I
did not watch over you as I do, you would be as bad as you were last
half. Don't tell me you can't keep before Clifton if you choose."
Louis looked gravely in Hamilton's face, and put his other hand on that
he held. Hamilton drew his own quickly away.
"Lady Louisa," he said, "these affectionate demonstrations may do well
enough for us alone, but keep them for private service, and don't let us
play _Damon_ and _Pythia_ in this touching manner, to so large an
audience. It partakes slightly of the absurd."
Louis colored, and seemed a little hurt; but he replied, "I am afraid
I am very girlish sometimes."
"Incontrovertibly," said Hamilton, kindly laying his hand heavily on
Louis' shoulder. "But we have no desire that any one should laugh at
you but our royal self."
"Are we going to the downs?" asked Louis.
Before Hamilton could answer, Frank Digby, one of the large audience
alluded to, came up. "Of course," he replied; "Hamilton is one of our
party."
"One of your party?" asked Hamilton.
"Your majesty's oblivious of the fact," said Frank, "that among the
many offices, honorary and distinctive, held by your most gracious
self, the presidency of the 'Ashfield Cricket Club' is not altogether
one of the most insignificant."
"We will thank our faithful amanuensis to become our deputy this
afternoon," said Hamilton; "having a great desire to refresh ourself
with a quiet discourse on the beauties of Nature."
"No cricket this afternoon, Hamilton!" cried Louis; "I shall be so
much disappointed if you go!"
"_No cricket!_" exclaimed Frank: "we will enter into a conspiracy, and
dethrone Edward, if he refuses to come _instanter_."
"Dethrone me by all means, this afternoon," said Hamilton; "my deposition
will save me a great deal of trouble. I am only afraid that my freedom
from state affairs would be of short duration; my subjects appear to be
able to do so little without me."
"Hear him!" exclaimed Jones, laughing; "hear king Log!"
"No favoritism!" cried Smith; "I bar all partiality. We'll treat you in
the Gaveston fashion, Louis, if you don't persuade your master to accede
to our reasonable demands."
"That would be treason against my own comforts," said Louis, laughing,
and struggling unsuccessfully to rise from the ground, where he had been
playfully thrown by Salisbury. "To the rescue! your majesty; I cry help!"
"To the rescue!" shouted Reginald, pouncing suddenly upon Salisbury, and
diverting his attention from Louis who would have recovered his feet, but
for the intervention of one or two of the party.
"Your majesty perceives," said Frank, "that a rebellion is already
broken out. A word from you may compose all."
"I have engaged to walk with Louis Mortimer, and I declare I will not
stir anywhere without him," said Hamilton.
"We cannot do without you, Hamilton," said Trevannion, who had just
joined the council. "You are engaged for all the meetings."
"Which meetings have no right to be convened without the concurrence
of the president;--eh, Mr. Secretary?" rejoined Hamilton.
"Of course you can please yourself," said Trevannion, proudly.
"Let Louis get up, Jones," said Hamilton.
"Does your majesty concede, or not?" said Jones, who was sitting
upon Louis.
"I will answer when you let him get up."
Jones suffered Louis to rise, breathless and hot with his laughing
exertions to free himself from durance vile.
"I will come, on condition that Louis comes too."
"Certainly," said Salisbury.
"And join our game, mind," said Hamilton.
"Oh!" exclaimed Smith; "that's decidedly another affair. You can't play,
Sir Piers, can you?"
"He can learn," said Hamilton, who was perfectly aware of his ignorance.
"I've not the smallest objection," said Jones, "as I'm on the opposition
side."
"Nor I," cried Salisbury; "though I should be a loser, as is probable."
"Really, Hamilton," exclaimed Trevannion, sulkily, "it's impossible!
He'll only be in the way. I never saw such a fuss about a boy; it's
quite absurd. If you want him, let him look on."
"I don't like cricket," said Louis.
"Humbug!" exclaimed Salisbury.
"I shall be in the way, as Trevannion says," continued Louis; "I am
sure I shall never learn."
"'_Patientia et perseverantia omnia vincunt_,'" remarked Frank;
"which may be freely translated in three ways:
'If a weary task you find it,
Persevere, and never mind it;'
or,
'Never say die;'
or, thirdly,
'If at first you don't succeed,--try, try again,'"
"Louisa, I am ashamed for you," said Hamilton; "and insist
on the exhibition of a more becoming spirit."
"That's right, Hamilton," cried Reginald; "make him learn."
Louis pleaded as much as he dared, in dread of a few thumps,
friendly in intent, but vigorous in execution, from Salisbury,
and a second shaking from Hamilton, but all in vain, and they
sallied forth. Trevannion fastened on Hamilton, and grumbled
ineffectual remonstrances till they reached a convenient spot
for their game. Here, under the active supervision of Hamilton,
Salisbury, and Reginald, Louis was duly initiated; and after a
couple of hours' play they returned home, Louis being in some
doubt as to whether his fingers were not all broken by the
concussion of a cricket-ball, but otherwise more favorably
disposed towards the game than heretofore. He was, likewise,
not a little gratified by the evident interest most of the
players took in his progress. Hamilton had entirely devoted
himself to his instruction, encouraged him when he made an
effort, and laughed at his cowardliness, and Salisbury had
been scarcely less kind.
As they entered the playground, Salisbury held up a silver
pencil-case to Frank:
"Remember, Frank," said he, warningly.
"Do you think I've forgotten?" said Frank; "my memory's not quite
so treacherous, Mr. Salisbury."
"What's that, Salisbury?" said Jones.
"Only my wager."
"Wager!" repeated Hamilton. "What absurdity is Frank about to
perpetrate now?"
"He is going to make Casson swallow some medicine of his own
concoction. My pencil-case against his purse, contents and all,
he isn't able to do it. Casson's too sharp."
"I am surprised," said Hamilton, "that Frank is not above playing
tricks on that low boy. I thought you had had enough of it, Frank."
Frank laughed;--"No, he has foiled me regularly twice lately, and
I am determined to pay him off for shamming this afternoon."
"I think it is real," said Louis.
"Then he has all the more need of medicine," said Frank; "and if he
supposes it, my physic will do him as much good as any one else's."
"You'll certainly get yourself into some serious scrape some day
with these practical jokes, Frank," said Hamilton. "It is a most
ungentlemanly propensity."
"Hear, hear," said Reginald.
"What's that? Who goes there?" said Frank, directing the attention
of the company to the figure of a tall woman neatly dressed in black
silk, with an old-fashioned bonnet of the coal-scuttle species, who
was crossing from the house to the playground at the moment; the lady
in question being no other than the housekeeper, clothes-mender, &c.,
to Dr. Wilkinson introduced by Mr. Frank Digby as Gruffy, more properly
rejoicing in the name of Mrs. Guppy.
"It's Gruffy, isn't it? Where is she going, I wonder."
Without waiting for an answer, Frank flew round the house, and
disappeared in the forbidden regions of the kitchen.
"What is he after?" said Meredith. "I suspect we shall have some
fun to-night."
"I do wish Frank wouldn't be so fond of such nonsense," said Hamilton,
angrily. "Come, Louis, and take a turn till the tea-bell rings."
They had taken two or three turns up and down in front of the
school-room, when the bell rang, and Frank Digby came back full
of glee.
"I've done it, Salisbury," he cried, as he threw his hat in the
air. "I've done it. I shall kill two birds with one stone. I'm sure
to win; it's all settled; only I must be allowed to put the school-room
clock forward half an hour."
"That wasn't in the bargain," said Salisbury.
"It wasn't out of it, at any rate," said Frank.
"It's all fair," said several voices; "he may do it which way
he pleases."
"Remember, _tace_," said Frank. "_Tace_ is the candle that
lights Casson to bed to-night."
"I promise nothing, Frank," said Hamilton.
"Nevertheless you'll keep it," said Frank, laughing.
When tea was over, Frank disappeared rather mysteriously.
Salisbury had just begun to make use of one of the pile of books he had
brought to the table in the class-room, when a notification was brought
to him from the school-room, that Mrs. Guppy wanted to speak to him.
"Bother take her!" he exclaimed. "Why can't she come and speak to me?
Interrupting a fellow at his work! Don't take my place; I shall be back
presently."
Some time, however, elapsed, and no Salisbury. Now and then a few
wonderments were expressed as to how Frank's wager would be won, and
as to what Mrs. Guppy could want with Salisbury.
"Where is Frank, I wonder?" said one. "Just see, Peters, if Casson's
gone yet."
Peters departed, and returned with the news that Casson had gone to bed
a little while before.
"The farce has begun, I suspect," said Meredith. "It's more than half
an hour since Salisbury went,--and depend upon it, wherever he is,
there is Frank."
At this moment Salisbury rushed into the room, and throwing himself
in a sitting posture on the floor, with his back against the wall as
if completely exhausted, laughed on without uttering a word, till his
mirth became so infectious, that nearly all the room joined him.
"Well, Salisbury!" "Well, Salisbury!" "What is it?" "Tell us." "Have
done laughing, do, you wretch, you merry-andrew." "Do be sensible."
"Sensible!" groaned Salisbury, laying his head against a form;
"oh, hold me, somebody--I'm quite knocked up with laughing. It's
enough to make a fellow insensible for the rest of his life."
"Well, what is it, madcap?" said Reginald, jumping up from his seat,
and approaching him in a threatening attitude.
"Frank Digby!" said Salisbury, going off into another paroxysm
of laughter.
"Shake him into a little sense, Mortimer," said Jones.
"Come, Salisbury, what is it?" said several more, coming up to him.
Salisbury sat upright and wiped his eyes.
"It was the clearest case of stabbing a man with his own sword I ever
saw. I don't know whether I shall ever get it out for laughing, but
I'll try."
Louis looked up at Hamilton, rather anxious to get nearer to Salisbury,
but Hamilton wrote on as if determined neither to let Louis move, nor
to pay any attention himself, and Louis dared not ask.
"Well, you know, Mrs. Guppy sent for me. I went off in a beautiful humor,
as you may imagine, and found her ladyship in a great dressing-gown,
false front, and spectacles, surrounded by little boys in various stages
of Saturday night's going to bed, tucking up Casson very comfortably.
"'Oh, Mr. Salisbury,' said she, 'I'll speak with you presently,--will
you be so good as to wait there a minute?'
"Well, I thought she looked very odd, but she spoke just the same
as ever; and being very cross, I said, 'I am in a hurry; perhaps
when you've done you'll call on me in the study,' Whereupon her
ladyship comes straight out of the room, and says on the landing,
in Frank Digby's voice, 'Know me by this token, _I am mixing a
black draught by the light of a Latin candle_.'"
Salisbury burst out into a fresh fit of laughter, in which he was
joined by all present except Hamilton, who steadily pursued his work
with an unmoved countenance.
"Well, you may imagine," said Salisbury, when he had recovered himself,
"I wasn't in a hurry then. I came back and waited behind the door very
patiently. You never saw any thing so exact--every motion and tone. He
had pulled the curls over his eyes, and tied up his face with a great
handkerchief over the cap, as Gruffy has been doing lately when she
had the face-ache, and he went about among the little chaps in such
a motherly, bustling way, it was quite affecting. Sally, who helped
him, hadn't the least idea it wasn't Gruffy. However, the best of it
is to come," said Salisbury, pausing a moment to recover the mirth
which the recollection produced:--"He was stirring up a concoction
of cold tea, ink and water, slate-pencil dust, sugar, mustard, and
salt, when I thought" (Salisbury's voice trembled violently) "that I
heard a step I ought to know, and I had hardly time to get completely
behind the door when it was widely opened, and in walked the doctor!"
A burst of uproarious mirth drowned the voice of the speaker. There
was a broad smile on Hamilton's face, though he did not raise his head.
As soon as Salisbury could speak, he continued:
"'Oh!' said I to myself, 'it's all up with you, Mr. Frank,' and I
felt a little desirous of concealing my small proportions as much
as might be. What Frank might feel I can't say, but he seemed to
be very busy, and, as he turned round to the doctor, put up his
handkerchief to his face.
"'Does your face ache, Mrs. Guppy?' says the doctor; and--imagine the
impudence of the boy--he answered, it was a little troublesome. 'How
is Clarke this evening?--I hear he has been asleep this afternoon.'
I imagine Frank has as much idea of the identity of Clarke as I have--I
don't even know who he is, much less that he was ill--but he answered
just as Gruffy would do, with her handkerchief up to her mouth, 'Rather
better, sir, I think--he was asleep when I saw him last, and I didn't
disturb him.' 'Hem,' said the doctor, 'and who's this?'"
The audience was here so convulsed with laughter that Salisbury could
not proceed; Louis could not help joining the laugh, though rather
checked by the immovable gravity of Hamilton's countenance.
"Really, Hamilton," he said, "I wonder how Frank could tell such
stories."
"He doesn't think them so," said Hamilton, abruptly.
"Well, Salisbury!" "Well, Salisbury!" exclaimed several impatient
voices. "The impudence of the fellow." "How will he ever get out
of it?" "Get on, Salisbury." "The idea of joking with the doctor."
"Go on, Salisbury." "What a capital fellow he'd make for one of those
escaping heroes in romances--he'd never stay to have his head cut off."
"Well, and the doctor says, 'Who's this, Mrs. Guppy? Casson? How--what's
the matter with you? How long have you been here?' 'Just come to bed,
sir,' says Casson; and then the doctor makes a few inquiries about
his terrible headache, et cetera; and Mrs. Guppy had a twinge of the
toothache, and could only let the doctor know by little and little how
she had thought it better to put him to bed.
"'And that is medicine for him?'
"The doctor looked very suspiciously at the cup, I fancy, for his tone
was rather short and sulky. Frank seemed a little daunted, but he soon
got up his spirits again, and, stirring up the mess, was just going to
give it to Casson, when, lo! another strange footfall was heard; doctor
turned round (I was in a state of fright, I assure you, lest he should
discover me) and in marched the real Simon Pure! It was a picture--oh!
if I had been an artist:--there stood Gruffy, in her best black silk,
looking more puzzled than angry; Frank--I couldn't see what he looked
like, but I'll suppose it, as he says--and doctor turning from one
to the other with a face as red as a turkey-cock, and looking so
magnificent!"
[Illustration: The counterfeit Mrs. Guppy.]
"Poor Frank!" exclaimed several laughing voices.
"Well, at last Fudge found words, and in such a tone, exclaimed,
'MRS. GUPPY! who is THIS, then?' Then she stormed out; 'Ay, sir, who
is it, indeed? perhaps you will inquire.' I didn't see what followed,
for my range of vision was rather circumscribed--but I imagine that
doctor pulled off part of Frank's disguise, for the next words I heard
were, '_Digby_, this is _intolerable_!' uttered in the doctor's most
magnificent anger--'What is the meaning of this?' Frank said something
about _a wager_ and _a little fun, meaning no harm_, et cetera; and
Fudge gave him such a lecture, finishing off by declaring, that 'if he
persisted in perpetrating such senseless follies he should find some
other place to do so in than his house.' All the little boys were
laughing, but doctor stopped them all with a thundering 'SILENCE!' and
then he asked what Frank had in that cup. 'Cold tea, sir,' said Digby,
quite meekly. 'And what's this at the bottom?' 'Sugar, sir,' I saw the
doctor's face--it was not one to be trifled with, but there seemed
a sort of grim smile there, too, when he gave the cup to Frank and
insisted upon his drinking it all up; and Digby did it, too--he dared
not refuse."
Another peal of laughter rang through the room, in which Hamilton
joined heartily.
"Then," continued Salisbury, "doctor said he hoped he would feel
a little better for his dose--and, becoming as grave as before, he
desired he would return Mrs. Guppy's things, and beg her pardon for
his impertinence."
"He didn't do so, surely?" said Jones.
"He did, though," replied Salisbury; "and I wouldn't have been him if
he'd been obstinate; but he added--I wondered how even _he_ dared--_I've
saved you a little trouble, ma'am, there are six of them in bed_."
"Oh! oh! disgraceful!" exclaimed Hamilton.
"What did Fudge say?" asked Smith.
"'THIS TO MY FACE, SIR!' and then, what he was going to do I don't know,
but Frank was quite frightened, and begged pardon so very humbly that
at last Fudge let him off with five hundred lines of Virgil to be done
before Wednesday evening, and then sent him to bed--and there he is,
for he was too much alarmed to play any more tricks."
"I'd have given something to have seen it," cried one, when the laugh
was a little over.
"I think," said Jones, "all things considered, that the doctor was
tolerably lenient."
"Oh! Digby's a little bit of a favorite, I fancy," said Meredith.
"Not a bit," said Reginald. "What do you say, Hamilton?"
"Nothing," said Hamilton, shortly.
"One would think you never liked a joke, Hamilton," said Peters.
"Nor do I, when it is so low as to be practical," said Hamilton.
"I feel no sympathy whatever with him."
The event furnished idle conversation enough for that evening, and it
was long before it was forgotten; and, in spite of Frank's reiterated
boast that he did not care, and his apparent participation in the
mirth occasioned by his failure, it required the utmost exercise of
his habitual good-humor to bear equally the untiring teasing of his
school-fellows, and the still more trying coldness and sarcasm of
his master, whose manner very perceptibly altered towards him for
some time after. Casson took care that no one in the lower school
should be ignorant of Frank's defeat, and stimulated the little boys
to tease him--but this impertinence, being an insult to the dignity of
the seniors, was revenged by them as a body, and the juvenile tormentors
were too much awe-struck and alarmed to venture on a repetition of their
offence.