THE PURPOSES AND OBLIGATIONS OF MARRIAGE.
It is a strange world and man is a strange animal. It may appear
wonderful that with such passions and powers as he possesses he should
be so controllable, that he should become tamed down into a civilized
being, and submit to such impositions on his desires, that make him a
mere creature of circumstance; and yet from this very submission does he
secure to himself the greater amount of joys and delights: so that what
he partakes of by tolerance, or call it the unanimous consent of his
fellow-men, is absolutely and infinitely more gratifying to him than
would be the unrestricted indulgence of his appetites. The world abounds
with inexhaustible sources of enjoyment, and man has capacity for all;
but were it not for civil and wholesome restraints, it would be one
continued brute struggle for possession. For no one circumstance have we
more reason to rejoice in our civilization, than for the regulations
regarding marriage. It is the basis of a nation’s prosperity and of
individual happiness. It gives legal and strong possession of the object
of our most earnest wish. It establishes regulation and order, forms
ties of relationship, and makes each country one family. A happy
marriage is the alpha and omega of every man’s hopes, nor is it less
momentous to our companion. There is no pleasure in this life comparable
to it where it is unalloyed by physical or mental disqualifications: but
alas! how rarely is such a consummation to be found. It is a happy state
indeed “when the fountain is blessed, and he rejoiceth with the wife of
his youth, and she is to him as the loving hind and the pleasant roe,
and he delights in her continually.”[30]
Although this marriage is but a civil contract, it should not be
forgotten that if injudiciously made or its obligations be not
fulfilled, the most calamitous results oftentimes ensue. Imagine a
bargain, made between two persons, in which both parties have assumed
more or less disguise or dissimulation towards the other, and which are
only discovered when the treaty cannot be annulled. The lady’s dower may
be handsome, or the gentleman’s prospects good and his pursuits most
thriving; their respective families and connexions may be equally
respectable, and neither consort nor husband have reason to regret that
part of the arrangement, which the world only sees or hears of. It may
be a love match, a match of many years’ making, a match in which the
most delicious of all anticipations assumed every likelihood of being
realized, and yet which one hour’s possession has destroyed. If the
denouement be not so sudden, there may grow up a secret sorrow, a sorrow
that has its source, like any other feeling, in some cause, just or
evil, by the discovery of some concealed hindrance to mutual love. There
may arise some justifiable personal dislike, there may be found to exist
some impediment to the full and proper enjoyment of those connubial
delights which instinct has taught each party to expect from the other.
It is true, and well it is so, that all marriages have not hidden
griefs, but that renders not those which have, the more endurable.
Marriage mostly is a matter of love, policy, or convenience; it ought no
less to be a matter of conscience. The legal right which the ceremony
gives to the man, of his wife, which alienates her from the world, which
enslaves her to his person and passions, or shuts her for ever out from
the indulgence of her own, should not be sought without reflection; for
although the law awards its punishment for infidelity which is sure to
follow such dissimulation, it is a poor compensation for the
mortification and distress which accompanies it. The very proceeding may
prove alike that nature, as well as honour, have been outraged. Love is
not the parent of sexual desire—it is the offspring; and if that
instinctive passion be frustrated or deprived of its just entitlement,
love soon loses its name, and goes one knows not whither. Yet there are
proper bounds to every thing, an excess is frequently attended with more
unhappy results than want.
The end of marriage, then, is to afford the legitimate use of amative
enjoyments; to regulate the procreation of children; to ensure
succession, and thereby transmit one’s property and identity; to
cultivate domestic happiness, and thereby give all an equal incentive
to aspire to the same possession; and also to afford protection when
so obtained. If any deception be practiced towards each other the
culpable party will incur, sooner or later, the rarely failing
punishment—disappointment in their pleasures, their domestic
anticipations, and their hopes of hereditary succession.
Women have their disqualifications for the marriage bed—many from causes
which we have already enumerated, and many from others over which they
have no control. Among the latter, absolute fear of the consequences
imbibed through early intuition of some disappointed maiden-aunt—some
from acquired notions of the immorality of the proceeding—others from
personal disrelish—a total absence of desire;[31] and many, although an
ungenerous world may be sceptical of the truth hereof, have not the
least idea of the difference even of the sexes; at least the use and
purposes of that difference. There are ways of preparing females for
what they will have to encounter at all periods of life; and no mother
should fail to instruct her child, as circumstances demand, of the
expectancy of each succeeding era of her coming existence. It is not
intended thereby to be urged, that females cannot be too early initiated
into the mysteries of matrimonial ceremonies and consequences; but there
is a time, and an age, when such intelligence should be conveyed to
them, and by no means should they be allowed to form alliances without
such knowledge. The reader, I repeat, may possibly express a doubt
whether such an event ever did occur;—he may be assured that many such
have, and do still occur, and are productive of much distress. Nor is it
intended that the physiology of reproduction should form part of the
preliminary education of a boarding-school young female; but no woman
ought to become a mother without knowing something of the phenomena of
conception. It is really astonishing to see the very great ignorance of
these matters entertained by woman in general: it may be constructed
into a specimen of American modesty: but it occasions many needless
fears and anxieties that sometimes prove of serious consequence to a
lying-in woman. At the hour of peril, as it is called, how few women,
except those in humble life, and who have earnt their little knowledge
by dear-bought experience,—have any idea of aiding their fellow-sister
at the moment of their affliction: indeed by the ignorance, fear, and
impatience they display, they unnecessarily alarm the patient or
themselves, and put a whole family into confusion; whereas, by the help
of a little information on this subject, they might allay the fears of
the timid and assist the weak, and not unfrequently be the instruments
whereby the life itself of the infant, or mother, might be saved.
We have before stated, that persons subject to hereditary diseases ought
not to become parents, because by so doing they will bring into the
world a progeny, whose issue will eventually become extinct. And it is
to these persons that we now more particularly address our remarks.
The same laws which regulate the perfection of plants, the growth of
corn, the fleetness of the greyhound, and the symmetry of the horse,
govern the physical and mental culture of man. In the vegetable kingdom,
the agriculturalist is aware that the success of his crops depends upon
the condition of what he sows, and the fertility of the soil wherein it
is sown. It is precisely the case with the propagation of the human
species. The race may be improved, or deteriorated, accordingly as the
laws which govern the continuance of mankind are more or less observed.
But we are digressing from the subject of which we intended to
speak—that of the transmission of diseases from parent to child. Parents
exercise a mighty influence over the physical condition of their
offspring,—the general constitution, mental and physical qualities, and
even individual peculiarities, being transmitted from sire to son.
Premature marriage, and, consequently too early sexual congress,
although it may not prove detrimental to the parents, except where its
privileges are intemperately exercised, may be, and often is a great
disadvantage to the children, they being generally delicate, imperfect,
and seldom arriving at maturity. The same results follow, where the
parents, or either of them are at the moment of conception in
ill-health. And shall the circumstances of early marriage, or a bad
state of health, debar the sexes from the satisfaction of the holiest
and most ennobling of the passions? Would it not be far more just and
moral, then, to make use of a preventive of conception, when from
motives of economy, offspring is not desired, or, from the reasons
mentioned above, health cannot be given at the same time that life is
imparted? The candid reader will have but one answer.
Physicians, generally, when referring to the subject of the transmission
of disease, lay it down as a law, that persons so affected should not
marry. Here we beg leave to differ from them, and, we think, justly.
Consumptive or scrofulous persons certainly should not beget offspring;
but we cannot see why they should be prevented from enjoying the
pleasures of the married state. It is necessary for the general health
of an individual, that the sexual embrace should be occasionally
enjoyed—indeed it is an established fact, that many of those women who
die unmarried, owe their early death, to a species of consumption,
excited by deprivation of the sexual act. We think therefore, that all
ought to be married, and that those who cannot produce healthy progeny,
should make use of means to prevent conception.
Enough has been said already to remove the maudlin delicacy which some
people entertain on the subject of human reproduction, and as it seems
to us not out of place, we will say a few words on the subject.
Copulation should never be an act of effort. To use a quaint but selfish
phrase, “it should only be used when the man listeth.” Much mischief may
be done by fruitless endeavours; violent palpitations of the heart may
ensue that so quicken the circulation of the blood, and propel it with
such violence towards the brain as to induce apoplexy. I have often had
the question put as to which was the most fitting season for sexual
indulgence. We know that man is omnivorous, and after certain intervals,
is capable of reperforming the procreative act. Some hold morning to be
the most healthy time, as the body is renovated by the night’s rest, but
the lassitude which follows encroaches on the business duties of the
day, and it is more probable that so far as the health is concerned,
night is the preferable; the quietude and secrecy thereby afforded are
additional incentives to love, and the exhaustion of the body is
repaired by the several hours sleep that follows. Too frequent
indulgence in venereal pleasures are strongly opposed to the procreation
of children. Abstemiousness in sexual pleasures is a physical virtue
where issue be desirable; and probably the period when conception is
most likely to occur, is to refrain from intercourse till a day or two
after the female has ceased menstruating. Women may be sterile, but they
are rarely impotent. Sterility may depend upon the absence of a uterus,
of which many instances are on record. It may depend upon morbid
conditions of that organ where it exists; such as excessive debility,
frequent floodings, prolapsus or descent of it, eversion or misplacement
of it; from a retention of the menstrual secretion, from the presence of
leucorrhœa, or the debility induced by a long prevalence of that
disorder. Too frequent indulgence in cohabitation, promiscuous
intercourse, &c., as with those unfortunates who gain their subsistence
by such means, are direct causes of infecundity. To bring this subject
to a close, I may observe, that although nature has been apparently thus
freaksome in the constitution of mankind, she is amply generous and kind
to those who choose to study and observe her laws. She pays no
distinction to the past, present, or future. For many of our infirmities
we have to thank those who have gone before us, and many are of our own
producing, the conjoined consideration ought to induce us to reflect how
we are justified in transferring them to those who follow. There are
seasons for all enjoyments, and limits set to all; if we infringe those
limits, we are answerable for the consequences: there is much happiness
in this world and much misery: a skilful pilot will see most of it and
live longest in it.
The Instrument which we have brought before the public, for preventing
conception, depends for its virtue upon the electric fluid. The public
are well acquainted with the common shock of an electrical apparatus;
they are probably aware that many physiologists consider electricity
analogous to the principle of life itself. They know that lightning is a
display of the electric power—that it abounds in all nature, but not in
equal intensity. They may possibly have heard of its efficacy in cases
of Rheumatism, Palsy, and many other diseases—that its property is to
stimulate, and, in excess, to kill. They may be familiar with the terms
Magnetism, Galvanism, &c., but, in fact, they all are the effects of one
cause, differing only in the intensity of their action, and their mode
of development. What is now called electro-magnetism, or magnetic
electricity, is merely electricity in a modified form; the result of its
application is the same. The public may be told of the extraordinary
powers possessed by this fluid in supporting partial life, when it is
established in nervous communications. Digestion depends upon the
uninterrupted nervous communication between the brain and the stomach;
if that is destroyed, digestion ceases; but if electricity or galvanism
be applied to the divided ends of the nervous channels, digestion
proceeds as before, and for a very considerable time. Its usefulness,
therefore, can be fully appreciated when applied through the
instrumentality of the nerves, to those organs or structures, that are
not sufficiently endued with vital influence. The many hindrances
heretofore existing in the employment of electricity, as a preventive,
owing to the circumstance of favourable weather being required for its
exhibition, and it also being difficult and formidable in its
application, are now obviated by the introduction of this instrument.
The advantages are, that it can be used at any time, and under all
circumstances. It is perfectly safe, and that it is certain, is attested
by the fact, that of the large number already sold, not one has been
returned, although the purchasers have had the liberty given them of
doing so, should the instrument fail in effecting its object.