JACK AND ALGY ENTERTAIN
That evening the tourists were seated in their Pullman, interested
in the scenery along the route—no, not all were thus engaged, for
the Alexanders were otherwise concerned. Mr. Alexander had not
recovered his habitual good-nature since his wife’s clever manner of
compelling her friends to wait for her latest fad, Algy.
“Why, in the name of conscience, didn’t you-all get on the train at
the Springs, ’stead of making us this trouble by coming to Denver
for nuthing?” growled the little man.
“Ma said she had shopping to do,” explained Dodo.
“She could’ve shopped at Albuquerque, all right,” continued Mr.
Alexander. “If we’d picked you-all up at the Springs, it would have
saved Mr. Dalken a hull day’s time. We got a big date on at the
hotel in Albuquerque, and now all this tom-foolery might spoil
things.”
“You are so heartless, Ebeneezer!” whimpered Mrs. Alexander, using a
costly, lace-edged handkerchief to soothe her troubled spirit.
“Yeh! I’ve heard so before,” grunted her angry husband.
“Poor Algernon understands a woman’s sensitive nerves far better
than you ever can, Ebeneezer,” continued Mrs. Alexander.
That was a little too much for the annoyed man’s temper. He sat
glaring across the car at the inoffensive, blonde-pated,
insignificant young man, and snorted so that Polly and Eleanor
plainly heard what he said. “If your beau-ideal understands
_any_thing, he kin understand you, all right, Maggie—’cause there
ain’t so much to understand as you’d like to think!”
This was a trifle too deep for Mrs. Alexander’s intelligence, but
she felt the sarcasm in his tone, and she resented the use he made
of her detested first name.
“Mr. Alexander! how often must I inform you that my name is not
‘Maggie’—I am to be called ‘Marguerite,’ or nothing! I ought to
know my own name, I reckon!”
“It usta be Maggie long enough, afore I struck that pay dirt! If I
hadn’t piled up money in spite of myself sence then, you’d still be
plain Maggie Alexander, doin’ your own washin’ and cookin’, and not
a thought of chasin’ young fellers for Dodo to marry.”
“Don’t you dare remind me of those horrible days!” cried Mrs.
Alexander, her face red as a peony, as she glanced covertly around
to assure herself that no one else had overheard her husband’s
revelations.
“I wouldn’t hurt your feelin’s, if you’d behave and not drag these
ever-lastin’ dudes around the country, tryin’ to tag ’em to Dodo’s
apron-strings. That gal’s as much mine as she is yourn, and I got a
word to say about the man she wants to marry! Remember that,
Maggie!”
Once more his wife looked daggers at him, and then she reiterated:
“I’ll have you call me Marguerite, or nothing at all, Mr.
Alexander!”
“So be it! I’ll remember to call you ‘Nothin’-at-all’ after this,
but I swear I shan’t call you no high-falutin names like Marguerite!
It’d gag me—tryin’ to fit such a fancy name onto my plain, old
wife!” As he dropped this last bomb, Mr. Alexander got up and went
forward to the smoking compartment.
In another moment Algy, seeing his opportunity, came over to take
the vacated seat. But Dodo would not remain beside him, so she got
up, excused herself, and joined Polly and Eleanor. Jack saw his
chance for amusement, and he crossed the aisle to take Dodo’s vacant
place.
The train had reached Colorado Springs, and the tourists had been
interested in looking at Pike’s Peak and Manitou in the moonlight,
so that only part of the Alexanders’ altercation had been heard by
them.
Mrs. Alexander turned to Algy and simpered affectedly: “Oh, what
sweet memories come back at sight of this delightful resort!”
Algernon, his slow brain seldom grasping any idea until others had
forgotten what had been said, merely smiled vacantly at the speaker
and nodded his head. Jack gazed in impatient astonishment at Mrs.
Alexander, then he turned and stared at the simpleton.
“The wonderful motor trips, Mr. Baxter, and the stunning
women—genuine fashion leaders from New York and abroad, they
are—that are at the Springs,” sighed the lady, her mind dwelling
upon the “fashion-plates” she had seen in the resort.
“Yes, I’ve heard that Colorado Springs is a great center to attract
the salaried women of New York, Chicago, and European cities, who
are paid to display toilettes which are expected to win favor with
the ladies—in this way the fashions are made for you, just as they
are done in France and England. I suppose you know that?” said Jack,
innocently.
“I believe so,” murmured Mrs. Alexander, uncertain of what was the
best reply to make.
“Yes, yes!” now came happily from Algy, as his expression denoted he
had grasped some elusive joy. “Yes, dear lady, I can see you now,
wearing one of those becoming costumes, about to motor with your
wonderful child, to one of the famous points of interest.”
Jack had almost forgotten the exclamation Mrs. Alexander had made a
short time before, and she had _quite_ forgotten it, since she only
spoke to show Jack that she was a member of the gay society at the
Springs. Now, however, she frowned disapprovingly at Algy, thinking
he was speaking of the parade of fashions for a fee. How could he
think that!
Polly and Eleanor were sitting with Dodo just across the aisle, and
the conversation of the three was plainly heard. They found much to
do to keep from laughing merrily at Jack’s subtle teasing.
Then Dodo whispered to her chums: “Algy will be getting in deep
water if he fences with Jack. He’d better watch his step, or he’ll
go in over his head.”
“You say it is too empty to be damaged,” laughed Eleanor.
“Yes, but it may fill with water, you see,” retorted Dodo.
“It may float like a cork, Dodo,” now giggled Polly.
“No danger! It is too much of a vacuum,” added Dodo.
“S-sh!” warned Eleanor, hearing Jack continue the conversation with
the two other entertainers.
“I suppose you played golf a great deal at the Springs, Mrs.
Alexander?” asked he, politely.
“Oh, yes. I simply adore that game,” exclaimed the lady. “I have
been told that my teeing is a sight to behold! Several elderly
gentlemen, stopping at the same hotel, complimented me on my form in
using the mashie. That is a very difficult stick to use properly,
you know. Then, too, I was told that the graceful manner in which I
handled the niblick every time I made a great drive, was a treat for
old players of the famous game.”
“I can well imagine how old players of the game were amazed at your
form,” returned Jack, not a smile crimping the corners of his mouth.
The three girls, however, laughed into their handkerchiefs, and Dodo
explained her amusement at her mother’s words, by saying: “Girls, Ma
never took a stick from the bag that Algy toted all over the course.
The two of them just walked slowly around, because it was the thing
to do, and many a good player swore at them for getting right in the
way. One day, during a four-some between some famous golfers, Ma and
Algy managed to get right in the way. One of the men shouted
impatiently: ‘Fore!’ And Ma turned to smile sweetly at them, then
she replied: ‘I know it, thank you. I’ve heard you four were
wonderful players. Don’t mind me watching you.’ Do you wonder I have
to laugh as I remember?”
During Dodo’s whispered explanation, Jack had said something which
the girls had missed. Mrs. Alexander was replying to him.
“Oh, yes, indeed! Just ask Algy to prove it. He always carried my
bag, you see, so he was present whenever I finished the game in a
few hundred strokes.” She beamed upon Algy for him to convince the
young New Yorker of her skill in beating the record. And the youth,
thus called upon before he could muster his wits on the proper
answer to give, spoke recklessly, but he never realized it.
“Mrs. Alexander walked so much every morning, over those links, that
she really weighed nine pounds less when she left the Springs. I
told her it was a pity she could not carry her own golf-bag, because
that would have taken off five extra pounds, I’m sure. I lost that
much, and I really felt that I had no right to lose an ounce. It
almost ruined my figure, losing those five pounds, you know.”
Mrs. Alexander sent Algy a second dagger-like look, but he sat
smiling upon Jack, who was the one addressed. Jack was not the one
to disappoint any one, and in this case he fairly reveled in
entertaining those about him.
“I believe it is a real strain—to have to caddy to another. Not so
bad, when one carries one’s own bag, but the fun is missed when the
caddy cannot use the sticks he has to carry.”
“You’re right there!” agreed Algy. “There were plenty of paid
caddies, understand, but dear Mrs. Alex. is so particular, and I had
nothing else to do, you know, so we hit it off fine in golf.”
The train had been speeding on its way to Pueblo, and now the
tourists saw the outlying sections of that manufacturing city come
into view. La Junta would be the next stopping place on the
railroad, but the tourists in the Dalken party were not so concerned
about getting off the train to visit places of interest as they were
in arriving at Albuquerque in time to meet the men with whom the
important appointment had been made. Therefore they were going
through on the sleeper.
Having left Pueblo behind, the younger members in the party took up
their conversation where it had been suspended while waiting in the
station. Jack launched an entirely new form of the same game.
“Your name would suggest British nationality, Mr. Alveston.”
“Aw, yes!” agreed Algy, fixing his monocle in the latest approved
English manner. “My full name, you know, is Algernon Alfred
Alveston. Quite unusual, don’t you think?—The initials, I mean, A.
A. A.”
“I should say so!” declared Jack seriously, albeit the three girls
saw a fine wrinkle at the corners of his eyes. “It reminds one of a
grade of flour. In fact, I am sure I’ve seen the advertisements of
the ‘Aunt Jane Pancake Flour’ with the ‘A. A. A.’ to tell the
quality. I suppose that is what you refer to—the quality in your
makeup, eh?”
Algy was not certain that this could be considered a compliment; nor
was he certain whether it was a covert insult. Moreover, he had no
time for either, just then, because he was engrossed with the
euphony of his name. He smiled beatifically to himself as he
repeated it.
“Another great publicity stunt your name suggests,” continued Jack,
finding he had not “gotten Algy’s goat,” with his last remark, “is
the rubber trade. Now, I do not mean you to infer that I mean the
slang word ‘rubber,’ but I am thinking of A. A. A. rubber, such as
we use in washers on hose and kitchen sinks. They are handy for
other purposes, too. Some folks wear A. A. A. rubber under foot—to
keep the soles of their feet dry, you know. I suppose you find it
dreadfully embarrassing when your initials remind people of their
feet, and of drains, or kitchen sinks.”
Algy had to ponder this before he would commit himself, but Mrs.
Alexander began to think that perhaps this handsome young man might
be laughing quietly at her friend and great admirer. Before she
could grasp the situation, however, Jack had diverted her attention
to the town the train was now approaching—La Junta.
“I always feel that I must take in a great mouthful of pronunciation
before I speak that word. Then it comes with an explosive sort of
sound—‘La Hoontah!’” laughed he, purposely keeping her from
investigating his recent bout with Algy.
“I have heard that it would be far better if the men who attend to
the spelling of names and places in America would use simple
spelling the way the town is called,” said Mrs. Alexander. “I’ve
often thought of writing to the board of men who do this work, to
ask them to think of my suggestion. It would be a great deed, to
spell names exactly as they are spoken.”
“Indeed it would,” agreed Jack. “For instance, such a fine idea
would save so much confusion that you would be entitled to a
memorial in the Hall of Fame, Mrs. Alexander.”
“Oh, this is the least of many great ideas I have, but so few
friends ever appreciate them. I really feel that I am repressed in
my beautiful thoughts for the world’s welfare, because my husband
and Dodo never can understand me, you see,” explained the poor lady.
“Well, now that I understand you, esteemed friend, you will not have
to waste your ideals on Algy. You may share them with me,” said
Jack, with one of his adoring glances.
Mrs. Alexander felt sweetly thrilled at such appreciation, and
suddenly Algy woke up to a remark made ten minutes before.
“Oh, I say! You didn’t mean that my initials might be in the class
of flour or rubber, did you?” He was quite aggrieved.
“Not at all!” retorted Jack, giving a swift look at the girls, to
make sure they were listening. “I was only wondering how it was that
you got such a distinguished set of initials to stand for yourself,
since the world considers an ‘A. A. A.’ to be superlative quality.
In business references, you know, the ‘A. A. A.’ signifies that the
one mentioned is absolutely trustworthy, and often it means he is
financially sound and safe to be trusted. But your initials do not
mean that for you, do they? I suppose business references are a
foreign tongue to you.”
“Aw, yes!” said Algy. “It would be a bore to have to study business,
don’t you think? I neveh had to work, and so I neveh dabble in trade
terms, you know. Speaking of foreign tongues—what language did you
mean?”
Dodo now whispered to her friends: “As usual, Algy can only remember
the last idea spoken. All the others went over his head, because he
could not keep up with Jack’s speed in thinking. Isn’t he funny?”
“Well, there is no use in trying to explain to you, A. A. A., for I
feel convinced that you would never make use of such speech. You are
in your right place now, I should judge: keep on being caddy to a
patron like Mrs. Alexander, and don’t strain your cerebrum by ever
aspiring to reach any higher altitudes than those which may be had
by climbing up the peaks in a train, or by an auto. Even then, the
rarefied air may cause you cramps in the vacuous cellular region
inside the skull.”
With this grandiloquent speech, Jack got up and shook himself
exactly as a shaggy dog might do when he climbs up from a shallow
pool of limpid water—a pool with absolutely no depth but which had
seemed pleasant and inviting for a refreshing bath. “Oftentimes it
happens that reflections from Nature’s surrounding banks mislead one
in thinking the water deeper than it really is,” remarked Jack, as
he sat down beside Dodo.
“No, Jack, I do not agree with you,” laughed Dodo. “A. A. A. has
nothing about him to reflect—not even Nature. All he has a claim
upon is his grandfather’s fortune, which he is fast passing on to
those who understand how to handle it better than he can.”
“If he has a fortune, why is he dangling after you?” was Jack’s
wondering comment.
“Good gracious!” laughed Dodo, “any one would think I was an ugly,
disagreeable, old maid, with only my money to attract a beau.”
“Oh! I never meant that!” exclaimed Jack, flushing scarlet. “You
know what I think of you, Doe; I _meant_ that this simpleton could
not appreciate you or your intelligence, but I thought he might envy
you your cash. If he has enough of that, why should he worry?”
“To be candid with you, Jack, I doubt if he knows enough to say
good-by where he is not wanted. Ma tags him along because he
actually does make a good servant—and he has good clothes and pays
his own way. Ma uses him disgracefully, as you will see, soon; but
Algy doesn’t seem to mind, nor does he realize it. As a little pet
dog, he is excellent. And he never barks nor bites, either. That is
in his favor, you will admit,” and Dodo laughed, as she finished
explaining.
“It may turn out to be a fortunate thing that we could not hire a
maid for Dodo’s mother,” said Polly.
“What is that?” asked Dodo, curiously.
Then the girls told how Mrs. Courtney had gone to the employment
office to engage a good lady’s maid for Mrs. Alexander.
Dodo laughed at the interviews and their termination.
“Just as well you were unsuccessful in the quest,” said she. “If
mother has a maid, she becomes so dependent upon her for the least
act, that she soon grows too heavy to feel comfortable. Then she
feels cross, because she cannot dance and act like a girl, and,
worst of all, her new costumes never will meet. Life then becomes
impossible, until she has dieted down again. Algy is better than a
maid, because he induces her to walk and go out with him, and that
is good for her health.”
At this moment the men returned from the smoking compartment, and
Mr. Dalken said: “It’s time for bed, children.”
“Oh, dear me, is it?” sighed Mrs. Alexander, suddenly seeming to
feel indisposed to move.
“You don’t have to go to bed, Maggie, if you like to sit up and
enjoy that young man’s conversation,” returned Mr. Alexander.
“It’s not that, Ebeneezer—but I really feel as though I were going
to have one of my nervous spells,” explained the lady, sighing
again, more emphatically this time.
“By the Great Horned Spoon! Don’t carry on like that, while we are
travelin’!” cried her husband, glancing anxiously about for some one
to share his troubles.
“I really can’t help it, dearest! When I feel this way I am not able
to recline upon a bed, or to think of sleep.”
“That’s why you’d better sit up all night—and have that boy sit up,
too, to get what you need, or to read to you and keep you from
worryin’ over yourself,” advised Mr. Alexander.
“Algy, dear boy, will you pull the bag of medicines from under the
seat. Get me the aromatic ammonia, like a good child,” weakly
requested Mrs. Alexander.
The others of the group, all but Dodo and her father, appeared
concerned over Mrs. Alexander’s sudden indisposition, and Mr. Dalken
offered to go through the Pullmans to find a physician.
“Oh, if you would, dear Mr. Dalken,” sighed the apparently ill lady.
“No, no! don’t you take a step, Mr. Dalken,” remonstrated Mr.
Alexander. “Maggie’s fits always pass off quicker when no one pays
any attention to her. I know, from years’ experience, what ails her
now. We ain’t been amusin’ her since we started this trip, and now
that we’re here to hear and see, we’re in for my wife’s kind of
scoldin’. Ask Dodo about it, if you don’t believe me.”
But Dodo turned away and walked to the other end of the car. She was
wise for so young a girl, but then she had had ample time in which
to watch and profit by her mother’s silly pretences.
Mrs. Alexander flashed a furious glance at her husband, but she
still had hopes of making herself the center of concern, so she
slumped down in the seat and closed her eyes, at the same time she
threw up both hands and gave a gurgling breath. Poor Algy stood
beside her, trembling violently, and wiping the perspiration from
his noble (?) brow.
“Say! Aw, I say! cawn’t you folks do something to brace her up a
bit? I weally haven’t the stwength to stand by and witness the end
of a lady. Why, I cawn’t bear to see any one kill a fly—it makes me
deathly ill, don’t chaw know!” Having expressed his sentiments, Algy
turned and fled to the smoking compartment.
At this moment Dodo rushed down the length of the Pullman, and
excitedly cried: “A fire! Oh, what shall we do—there’s a fire on
the train.”
All signs of illness vanished from Mrs. Alexander. She sprang up and
called imperatively to Dodo’s amazed father, “Get the small bag,
Ebeneezer—it’s got my jewelry and money in it! Hurry—and then
follow me.”
Mrs. Alexander was out of the seat, and tearing for the door, in
another second. But Dodo caught her arm and said quietly: “Never
mind jumping off, Ma. I had to apply radical treatment to establish
a perfect circulation of your blood and a normal action of your
nerves, you know. There really is a fire aboard this train, but it
happens to be on the engine.”
“Dodo’s way of curing you, Maggie, is quicker’n better than all
medicine, I see. We’ll have to dose you the same way, if you get
more fits while we are on this trip,” added Mr. Alexander, frowning
at his erstwhile dying mate.
“I’ll see to it that this unnatural daughter of mine pays for this
breaking of the Commandment. She doesn’t know a thing about
‘honoring her mother,’ or she wouldn’t make me a joke to the world!”
With this ultimatum, Mrs. Alexander yanked aside the green curtains
hanging before her berth, and disappeared from view. Another yank
closed them back of her, and Mr. Alexander heaved a relieved sigh.
“Now, with my blessing, you can all go to bed, children. You needn’t
worry—there won’t be no more fits to-night, I’m sure.”
“Before we retire, Alexander, I want to inform the ladies that they
need not feel disturbed about leaving the Pullman in the morning,”
said Mr. Dalken. Then he turned to the girls and Mrs. Courtney, and
said: “We have arranged with the two other passengers of this coach
to have this particular car switched off at Santa Fé, to give you
all the rest you want. Jack is to remain with you and escort you
about the famous old city for a day or two,—or longer if you
like,—then you can come on to Albuquerque, where Mr. Alexander and
I will be head over heels in conferences. We are going right on,
after dropping your car at Santa Fé. And we will meet at the hotel
Jack knows about, where we may remain for a week or more.”