Morality teaches us to throw a Veil over others Faults; I may with
equal Truth say, it obliges us to forgive Injuries. For altho’ it is a
Justice due to ourselves to maintain our Right, yet the same Self-Justice
requires us to forgive those by whom we have been wrong’d. If we can
remove an Injury, we may, and ought; but Revenge is not the Weapon we
are to use for that Purpose. Whatever fires our Revenge, is apt to cloud
our Reason; Men therefore who meditate Revenge, seldom have Reason
for their Guide; and he who forsakes Reason, is a bad Judge how far
Revenge should be carried. If we mentally survey a revengeful Man, how
melancholy is the View! What Agitations in his Mind! what Flutterings in
his Heart! All Nature seems convulsed within him! and, in the Midst of
his Self-torture, his only Thoughts are, whether he shall ruin, or be
ruined; murder, or be murdered! But if we go farther, and behold this
Man in the Action he has so eagerly sought for, or carry our Ideas to
the Consequences of it, we must tremble with Pity. His Countenance is
an Index of his Mind: what Fury on his Brow; what Fire darts from his
Eyes; what Malice, in confused, imperfect Accents, flows from his Lips;
and what frantic Rage possesses his Soul! Sometimes a Duel is to repair
the Injury; dreadful Situation! since whichsoever falls, the Calamity
is inexpressible. Who can recall the Blood once spilt, the Life once
lost? who can console the wretched Survivor, when Revenge is glutted,
and Reflection calls him back to himself? or can the Receiver of the
Challenge draw Consolation in his future Life, from a false Point of
Honour? no, no; it is all Delusion; and independent of the Crimes which
gave rise to it, the Deed itself is gross Injustice. Revenge puts on many
Shapes: some seek it not in Blood, yet, with equal Fury, hunt another
to Ruin and Death by unjust Law-suits. What Havock does this make! How
many fall from Affluence to Want, from Splendor to a Goal, thro’ the
Inveteracy of Revenge! Not all the Concessions of the opposite Party,
not all the Tears of his Wife, nor the impending Ruin of his Children,
can appease the Revengeful: Savage-like, he quits not his Hold till his
Fury is glutted, till his Adversary is destroyed. Besides these, there
are many other Species of Revenge, less obvious indeed, but perhaps
not less criminal: there are Men whose Fury is less, but whose Malice
is equal: Men with cooler Heads, but with inveterate Hearts. Injuries,
whether fancied or real, seize the Heart of the Revengeful, and having
once taken place, a thousand things are machinated for Retaliation of the
Offence: every good Office ceases; ill Offices take place of them; cruel
to their Character when absent; arrogant and disdainful to their Person
when present; their Reputation torn to Pieces; false Constructions put on
their most innocent Actions; and every sinister Means used to strip them
of Fame, and Fortune; nay even of Bread. See here the dreadful Passion of
Revenge; view the Cruelty on one Side, the ruinous Effects on the other.
What Care then should Parents take to banish it from their Children’s
Hearts, seeing it is the Source of Misery to themselves, and Destruction
to others! Let them labour to stifle the first Resentments; let them
speak to their Understandings as they advance. Youth is naturally full of
Fire, and as now their Judgment is weak, they are easily misled by false
Notions of Honour; but where Malice is found to reside in their Hearts,
it will demand the utmost Pains to root it out: still all should aim at
effecting it. To this End, besides checking the earliest Resentments,
let Parents paint in the liveliest Colours the Deformity of Revenge;
let them shew how much it destroys their own inward Peace; let them
counteract the Passion by encouraging in them Meekness, Clemency and
Love; and above all, prove to them how much they sink beneath the Dignity
of Human Nature, how much they injure themselves, and how unjust they
are to Society in every Action that is accompanied with Revenge; but
particularly where Life, Health, Fame, Peace, or Property are affected by
it.
Thus much have I said to shew the Necessity Parents are under of teaching
their Children the Knowledge and Love of that great Bond of Society,
Justice: it demands indeed much more Labour to discuss every Point; but
I persuade myself, that if their Hearts are duly impressed with the
Principles here laid down, they will be animated to know and practise
every other Act of Justice which their various Stations in Life offer
them the Occasions of. Virtues beget Virtues; one Act of Equity will lead
them to a second; a second will warm them to the Execution of a third; a
Self-denial of little irregular things, will make way for the Entrance
of Reason; and Reason exercised on the solid Principles of Justice, will
enable them to conquer every lawless Desire, every turbulent Passion.
Notwithstanding what has been said thro’ the Course of this Attempt, of
conquering our Passions, it is not to be understood that we are to be
passive, spiritless, and insipid; far from it; this would be frustrating
the Design of Providence. We are, under Reason’s Guide, to enjoy our
own Minds with honest Freedom; and he who has a warm Heart, a chearful
Mind, and a frank Behaviour, bids fairest for being a good Man. But what
irresistibly proves us design’d for an active State, is, the Virtue of
Fortitude. Fortitude is Patience improv’d; it is Courage exalted; it is
that Virtue which enables us not only to bear Sickness, Pain, Disgrace,
and Poverty, but arms us with Power either to conquer these Evils, or at
least so to weaken their Force that they may not bear too hard upon us.
In viewing Mankind in general, or if each views himself in particular,
it will be found that Life is imbitter’d a thousand Ways; all have their
own Troubles, all feel their different Sufferings; some indeed taste so
little of the Sweets of Life, or have them so strongly impregnated with
Sorrows, that they are scarce sensible of their Relish: Fortitude alone
then is the Remedy for these Evils; and therefore should be the Object of
every one’s Study. With this Weapon we are enabled to face every Danger,
to encounter every Trouble, and to struggle with every Difficulty: it
is the Instrument Providence has kindly put into our Hands; and not to
use it, is the highest Ingratitude, at the same time that it is being
ignorant of our own Happiness. Parents then cannot justify the Neglect
of this Virtue to their Children: and it is from this Knowledge of Life,
that I have already proposed, in Compassion and Regard to their future
Happiness, that they familiarize them, with all the Tenderness of good
Parents, to little Disappointments while young; that they may be arm’d
to bear greater as they ought. All irregular Desires we should disclaim
from our Hearts; but even with regard to those which are in their Nature
innocent, lawful, and reasonable, how often are we disappointed! How
then will Children, as they advance, struggle with Disappointments, if
Strangers to the proper Guide, if unacquainted with Fortitude?
But here I must observe, that many things are looked upon as grievous
Evils, which, if considered in a proper Light, are no Evils at all:
and to what is this owing? certainly to the erroneous Measures taken
at setting out. The Eagerness of Children after every new Trifle, the
Desire of engaging in whatever is called Pleasure, and the early Passion
for Dress and Show, make them earnest to have their Humour comply’d
with. Now as many of these things are highly improper, gratifying
their Demands must be an Error more or less; but this is the least
Part of the Evil: the Habit of having all they desire increases with
their Years; and without considering, whether the Things they seek are
necessary or reasonable, they pursue their Desires, and are wretched when
disappointed. Hence arise many of the Passions which disturb the Oeconomy
of Families, and fill the World with Disorder: Men disappointed in
their Business, and cross’d in their Will, burst into Rage, or contract
a Fretfulness which makes them unhappy in themselves, and painful to
all who see or feel the Effects of it: and Women who have been used in
Childhood to conquer their Parents, and in Youth all the World, who have
been constantly addressed in the language of Romances, and have been
vainly taught to think the Men their Slaves; Women, I say, who are thus
educated, are but very ill prepared to meet Disappointments: the first
Opposition throws them into Fits, whence follow Vapours, Melancholy
and Indolence; the next kindles their Resentment, which agitates the
Mind, spoils the Features, by tearing off the natural Softness of the
Countenance, and puts the sweetest Temper into a Ferment; and, if a
Husband be the Object of it, ’tis great Odds but a short Time creates
either an unjust Coldness, or a fixed Aversion. Mr. _Locke_, sensible
of the Danger of irregular Indulgence, thus describes the Situation of a
fondled Son. “He that hath been used to have his Will in every thing as
long as he was in Coats, why should we think it strange that he should
desire it, and contend for it still, when he is in Breeches? Indeed, as
he grows towards a Man, Age shews his Faults the more; so that there are
few Parents then so blind as not to see them, few so insensible as not to
feel the ill Effects of their own Indulgence. He had the Will of his Maid
before he could speak or go; he had the Mastery of his Parents ever since
he could prattle; and why, now he is grown up, is stronger and wiser than
he was then, why now of a sudden should he be restrained and curbed? Why
must he at seven, fourteen, or twenty Years old, lose the Privilege,
which his Parents Indulgence till then so largely allowed him?” From all
this it is evident, that the early planting of regular Desires, checking
the Growth of vicious ones, and subjecting Passion to Reason, are the
great Means to lay the Foundation of Happiness in our Children, and the
surest Fence against many Evils they would otherwise be exposed to: but
if after all this, Sorrow, Pain, Disappointment, or Poverty be their
Lot, let Parents teach them to meet it as they ought; teach them with the
firmest Resolution, with unshaken Constancy, to bear up against the rude
Attack; and teach them that the only way to lessen the Evils they cannot
avoid, is to adhere inseparably to that heroic Virtue Fortitude.
I am now led to speak of Temperance; the calmest Companion of the Heart
of Man. Temperance is the Virtue that bridles our irregular Desires; it
is nearly ally’d to Prudence, and has a close Connection with Justice;
it calms Revenge, and quenches the Fire of unjust Resentment; it
checks the Epicure, and stops the riotous Hand of the Bacchanalian; it
extinguishes or abates the Flames of Lust, and banishes every lawless
Action; it silences the flippant detracting Tongue, and gives in it’s
stead a pleasing Moderation of Speech; it shuts the Door against Avarice,
and proves experimentally, that Happiness does not consist in the eager
Pursuit or Acquisition of Riches, but in a contented Mind; it curbs that
strongest of all other Passions, Gaming, and distinguishes justly the
Absurdity and Folly of making that a dangerous Trade, which was only
designed as a Relaxation and an Amusement: Temperance, in a word, is the
Parent of many Virtues; the Parent of Peace, Prosperity, Health and Joy.
But while these are Truths acknowledged and received, how comes it that
we know so little of the Practice of them? How comes it that in general
these are mere Matters of Speculation? Alas! the Spring is tainted in
the Source. We are intemperate in our very Cradles; no wonder therefore
if we remain so our whole Lives. We are born with irregular Appetites;
and which, thro’ Errors in Judgment, or mistaken Fondness, are daily
rendered still more so. But let us leave these melancholy Reflections,
and consider the Advantages we enjoy, the Privileges we are invested
with. Providence, kind Providence, has given us Reason for our Guide; and
Reason will conduct us to Temperance.—Nothing can be more strange to all
Observation, than the Practice of forsaking Temperance; since every Day’s
Experience proves to us, that Intemperance produces the very opposite to
what we seek. Suppose when a Child is born, we ask the Parents what it
is they wish in that Child; they will answer, Life. But as Life alone,
that is, mere Existence, may by Infirmity or other Accidents be very
wretched, they will naturally wish for Health and Happiness. Well then,
Life, Health, and Happiness, are the general Wishes of Parents for
their Children. Now let us see how their Wishes are likely to succeed.
Their first Step is usually a shameful Neglect of the Food of Nature,
the Breast; the next, a blind Gratification of their Will; the third, an
almost total Neglect of their Manners; and a fourth, the cherishing in
them every irregular Affection. Where then is the Wonder that Parents are
disappointed? Life and Health depend on proper Food and other judicious
Management on one part; and if sick, an Obedience to Remedies on the
other part; and Happiness essentially depends in the first place on
Health; in the next, on the due Government of our Senses, Affections and
Passions. See here how Mankind deviate from themselves; how far they
depart from their own Principles. But what then is the Remedy? nothing
more obvious. Let Parents exercise their Reason in all the Steps they
take for their Children’s Welfare; let them examine Right and Wrong; let
them not only avoid Passion, but labour to correct their own Errors of
Judgment, that they may be the better enabled to prevent them in their
Children; but particularly, let them fix in them the Knowledge, Love, and
Habit of Temperance.
These Rules will doubtless be an Infringement on those Liberties Parents
usually take in indulging their Children’s Stomachs; and it will be a
greater in the Restraint it lays on their growing Passions: but they must
convince them of the Purity of their Intentions by speaking to their
Understandings; not all at once, but by Degrees, as they open and gain
Strength; so that Step by Step they may point out to them the Loveliness,
the Pleasure, and the Advantages of this uncommon Virtue. I say nothing
here of the State of Childhood, because it is already understood that
Parents have their Children’s Health regulated by proper Management,
and their Minds docile thro’ the Force of Obedience; but when Dress,
Pleasure, Company, Feasting, or whatever subjects us to be intemperate,
come into Play, as they are Actions which always cause a Struggle, more
or less, between Passion and Reason, it demands the greatest Care and
Attention of Parents to win them to a Love of Temperance.
An easy Submission to our Lot in Life is one of the greatest Attainments
towards Happiness. View a young Lady with a strong Passion for Dress;
every new thing strikes her; one Companion has a richer Silk than
herself; another has the sweetest Lace she ever saw; a third has
Ear-rings ten times handsomer than her own; she burns with Impatience
to equal them, and that granted, new things arise, and the others are
old tho’ not worn out; that is, her Relish for them is lost. Thus a
continual round of Fashions keep her incessantly anxious; and tho’
perhaps she possesses every thing, she enjoys nothing. Not so the calmer
well-instructed Fair; she considers that Propriety of Dress is what suits
her Station; and covets not another’s Jewels: she wears, without a Blush,
a meaner Silk than her meaner Companion; and free from the Extremes of
Negligence or Pride, she is qualify’d for all the Dignity that Dress can
give her; but is equally happy in an inferior Appearance. Thus too it
happens with our Sons: One is in the continual Pursuit of Pleasure, has
a thousand Contrivances to reach a Play, a Ball, or a Horse-race; and
is miserable if these things are going on without him: while another,
awaken’d by Reason, and check’d by Temperance, takes these things as they
come; and neither insipidly refuses the Chearfulness of an Entertainment,
nor is disturb’d of his Rest, or loses either his Temper or his Appetite,
if he is disappointed. Such is the Difference between Passion and Reason,
such the genuine Effects of Temperance.
Temperance, as I observ’d before, is closely connected with Justice; that
is, whatever thro’ Intemperance affects our Health, or endangers our
Lives, must be unjust. What can be more amazing than the false Judgment
of Mankind even in the most obvious things! All allow that we have no
Right voluntarily to throw away that Life which Providence has given us;
on the contrary, we are bound to support it, even under the Pressure of
Pain and Sorrow, to the last Moment. How comes it then that while this
is acknowledged, while Men justly shrink with Horror at the very Thought
of Self-murder, they have the Hardiness to dally with some murderous
Instrument? All the Arguments that are brought against Suicide, whether
by Sword, Pistol, Laudanum, or Arsenic, hold good, in some Degree, in
the Point before us. The oftener a Building is shock’d, the sooner will
it decay; the more Violence is us’d to a delicate Machine, the sooner
will it be destroy’d; and no Machine is so exquisitely delicate as Man.
Now as every Species of Excess, Riot, and Debauchery, is a Shock given
to our Frame, it must naturally impair our Health, and consequently
shorten our Lives. Many things tend to effect this, that Men in general
are Strangers to; but there are others they are too sensible of, yet
attempt not to remove, nay plunge themselves into. Here then appears the
Necessity of Temperance; here we see the great Obligation of Parents to
their Children in this Point: since they are not only accountable for
their Happiness, but even for their Health and Lives. To conclude, let
Parents in inculcating this Virtue dissuade their Children from every
irregular Attachment, and convince them that no intemperate Affections
are justifiable; that besides avoiding those irregular Passions which may
be said to reside in the Soul, there are others that dwell on the Senses,
equally capable of destroying us; particularly an unhappy Attachment to
sleeping, eating, drinking, and many other things in their Nature not
only innocent but indispensably necessary; yet, by the frequent grievous
Abuse of them, made the Instruments of our Destruction.
These are the things I had to offer on the Part of Manners; these are
the Steps I have already in great measure taken with my own Children,
and these the Sentiments I wish to inspire them with. If therefore,
as general Laws, they are equally applicable to others, my presenting
them in Print will, I hope, be consider’d with the same Candour they
are offered. But notwithstanding what has already been said, Parents
have still much to do. To keep up the Spirit of Government, they must
constantly remember that Nature and Reason are to be their Guides:
if we distort Nature, our Children will be preposterous Figures; and
if we banish Reason, they will be Brutes or Monsters. Parents must
remember too, that it is not for themselves that they labour to train
up their Children in Order, Obedience, and Knowledge; there must be
no self-pointed Views, no Pride, no Dispositions to tyrannise over
their own Flesh and Blood; these are Motives unworthy a Place in any
Parent’s Breast. Their principal Aim must be to make their Children
happy, by making them wise and good; and if they succeed herein, so
much Happiness will be reflected back on themselves as will amply
reward all their Labours. But they must not stop even here; tho’ this
Design is noble, they should have a nobler yet in view; that is, the
universal Good of Mankind: ’tis too narrow a Good that seeks itself
alone; Children must therefore be animated by their Parents with all
those Virtues that will make them dear and valuable to Society. Now what
Chance is there that Children will come on the Stage of Life with the
necessary Requisites, unless due Pains are taken to mould and temper
their Hearts, to form their Minds, and cultivate their Understandings?
Mr. _Pope_, after labouring to prove for what End we are in being, what
Good we are to pursue, and what Evil avoid, concludes, “that all our
Knowledge is ourselves to know.” If then this Self-knowledge is of such
vast Importance for the securing our Happiness even in a moral Sense,
and is so very difficult to be attained; surely Parents are under the
highest Obligation to their Children of improving every Means within
their Reach, for the gaining this only true Philosopher’s Stone. The
End, as Philosophers agree, is the first thing in the Intention; but the
Means to attain that End are surely, in the Case before us, either but
little known, or little practised; else we should not see such daily and
grievous Mistakes committed in the training up our little Offspring; nor
such a continued Chain of Vice, Folly, and Ignorance, as is the general
Result of this mistaken Manners, this want of Self-knowledge.
But here I must caution my Readers not to bewilder themselves in a
Maze of fancied Difficulties; not to throw aside these Instructions as
useful or practicable to none but those of Genius, Learning, and great
Abilities: the Light of Nature and Reason beams strongly on us all; and
Parents, as I have before observed, have it greatly in their Power to
regulate their Children’s Conduct: for after all, it must be confessed,
that it is not so much that Parents do not know, as that they want the
Will, to act rightly. But I hope, that such as are really ignorant,
will here, in some measure, be informed; such as already know, will
here be induced to practise: since by avoiding the Errors too generally
run into, so much solid Good will ensue. But, to return back again:
where or how are we to begin? Why—(as has already been advanc’d) by
Authority. Authority is undoubtedly the first Means towards attaining
this great End; the other Means are, a steady Attention to the various
Tempers of our Children; a strict Guard over our own Conduct; a watchful
Eye on theirs; joined to a serious Practice of every Lesson for their
Improvement: to which we are to add, such an Education as is suitable to
our Sphere in Life.
EDUCATION.
Education is a very extensive Subject; it is a vast Field to expatiate
in; and has employed the Thoughts and Pens of many great Men, with whom
I pretend not to vie: I confess myself far unequal to the Task; and
perhaps the greatest Service I can do my Readers, is to inform them,
that, besides the ancient Writers, the Archbishop of _Cambray_, _Tanaquil
Faber_, Mr. _Locke_, Monsieur _Crousaz_, and Monsieur _Rollin_, with some
others still later, have handled this important Subject. To these then
I refer them, as great and useful Guides; but not to these alone; they
must go farther; and apply to those, whose Province it is to reduce the
Theory of these to Practice: such are many of our living Guides; who tho’
they have not perhaps distinguished themselves by their Writings, are
notwithstanding deservedly eminent for their Skill in teaching.
Nor is Education what I principally engaged in, in this Treatise;
Manners alone, I have declared to be my Design; and if I can do the
present or future Age any real Service by the Plan of puerile Government
already laid down, I shall be happy in considering myself as a useful
Member of Society. Still it will appear that Education and Manners have
so great a Connection, that they are not always to be separated: many of
the Writers on these Subjects have considered them as one and the same
thing; many just Sentiments are imbibed at the same time that we are
acquiring Languages, and other Parts of Learning: and notwithstanding
a Truth which was advanced at our first setting out, that much Manners
might be acquired without School-learning, yet it is not to be doubted
that they ought to rise in proportion to the Education bestowed on
us. Two things therefore I aim at in pursuing this Subject, without
attempting to teach, or invading the Province of the Preceptor; the one,
to point out what seems necessary for both Boys and Girls, in different
Spheres of Life, to learn or avoid; the other, to shew how far the
Education bestowed on them is applicable to the Improvement of their
Manners; or to their Engagement in any Art, Profession, or Science.