_Bennett_—Good morning, sweet Fanny.
_Fanny_—A kind salutation to my noble friend.
_Bennett_—Where’s Wyckoff?
_Fanny_—I don’t know.
_Bennett_—Will he return soon?
_Fanny_—I guess not.
_Bennett_—Then come and sit in my lap.
_Fanny_—I will. (She bounds to Bennett’s knees.)
_Bennett_—Now kiss me.
_Fanny_—There! (Smack! smack! smack! and the last on his lips.)
_Bennett_—O! how sweet!
_Fanny_ (archly)—You don’t say!
_Bennett_—Yes, I do.
_Fanny_—And so do I.
_Bennett_—Then give me another cluster of kisses.
_Fanny_—I’ll give you a dozen or a hundred, if you will only _puff_ me
well, and fill the theatre every night.
_Bennett_—Have I not _puffed_ you well, my darling?
_Fanny_—W-e-l-l—y-e-s. Wyckoff says I am _increasing my popularity_
every day. And now if you will only continue to _puff_ me, my dear Mr.
Bennett, I will hug and kiss you, and love you ever so dearly. And do
you know that I intend to give your beautiful wife some precious jewels?
_Bennett_—Wyckoff said you contemplated a splendid donation to my fair
lady.
_Fanny_—O yes, dear Mr. Bennett, the jewels are all purchased, and your
dear wife shall have them soon.
_Bennett_—Hush! fair creature! Don’t talk so loudly. Is the door locked?
I hear footsteps. Some one ascends the stairs. If you are seen in my
lap, old Mordecah M. Noah will get hold of it, and put it in his Caudle
Lectures, which bite me terribly.
_Fanny_—The door is locked, and you need not be afraid, as it is only
the servant coming to bring me some wine and water, and to dust my
parlor.
_Bennett_—Well, give me one more fervent kiss, and let in the servant,
and I will depart, and return soon, unless you expect Wyckoff. It won’t
do for us both to be here at the same time, you know, eh?
_Fanny_—I hardly think it will, although I love you both.
_Servant_—(Knocks.)
_Fanny_—Busy! (Servant goes down stairs.)
_Bennett_—Which do you love best—me or Wyckoff?
_Fanny_—I love you the best, dear Mr. Bennett. Most people call Wyckoff
the handsomest, but I think you are the prettiest man I ever saw. Your
voice is so sweet, and your complexion so fair, and your features so
Grecian, and your smile so lovely, and your heart so kind, and your
figure so commanding, and your eyes so expressive of a large humanity.
O, Mr. Bennett, I most dearly love you, and now I desire to know if you
love me, and how much? And before you tell me, there’s another luscious
kiss on your fragrant lips. And now, dear friend, do tell me how much
you love your grateful and affectionate Fanny?
_Bennett_—O, I love you most ardently, and I have a mind to give Wyckoff
a touch of the Italian, and marry you, and hide ourselves in some deep
mountain glen of my beloved Scotland.
_Fanny_—O, if you would only do all that.
_Bennett_—What! kill Wyckoff, and marry you, and desert my devoted wife
and child?
_Fanny_—To be sure. Did you not say you would?
_Bennett_—O Heaven! Fanny! I am very nervous. Your extraordinary
fascinations will ruin me, and I must fly.
_Fanny_—Whither?
_Bennett_—To my office.
_Fanny_—What! Havn’t you the pluck to kill Wyckoff, and marry me, and
all my jewels, and the vast possessions I have acquired through my grace
and agility?
_Bennett_—Darm it, Fanny, no more to-day. Give me a parting kiss, and I
will go, and we will resume this delightful theme to-morrow, when
Wyckoff is promenading Broadway, or arranging your affairs at the
Theatre and the printing offices. So, good-by, my adored Fanny—farewell,
my precious solace and incomparable divinity.
_Fanny_—A fond adieu, my charming admirer. Come again to-morrow, or I
shall die. (She cries like a female Crocodile.)
_Bennett_—Farewell.
_Fanny_—Farewell—my benefactor. O farewell!
(He goes, and Fanny leaps, and dances, and laughs, and screams, and
wildly rejoices over his departure.)
_The reader must now imagine the lapse of many years._