MARRIAGE, DIVORCE, POLYGAMY
SOCIAL LIFE OF EGYPTIAN WOMEN
The Koran enjoins marriage on all and calls bachelors the worst of
mankind. Consequently there are few spinsters or bachelors in any Moslem
land, and a woman who is divorced or widowed must have another husband
found for her as soon as possible.
Although Mohammed believed that all men should be married, there were
four classes of women against whom he warned his fellows:—
A _Yearner_—that is, a woman who has children by a former husband and
wishes to get everything possible for them from her present husband.
A _Deplorer_.—One who is constantly deploring the loss of her first
husband and stating his virtues to the disparagement of the present
incumbent.
A _Backbiter_.—One who is kind to her husband’s face and behind his back
accuses him of cruelty, miserliness, and ill-treatment.
A _Toadstool_.—A beauty who is lazy and tyrannical and uses all the
substance of her husband to buy silks, jewels, and perfumes with which
to adorn herself.
There is no courtship as we know it. The marriage is made by the parents
or by a “go-between,” and the parties most interested do not see each
other until the night of the marriage, although they may have exchanged
photographs and have heard eulogistic descriptions of each other. But
there are no shy meetings, no gazing into the eyes of the loved one. A
girl would be considered as lacking in modesty and maidenly reserve if
it were known that she attempted to see the man to whom she will be
compelled to owe all allegiance and who will practically own her, body
and soul, as soon as she is his wife.
During the time before the marriage the bridegroom, if a man of wealth,
sends his bride-to-be many costly presents, generally in the shape of
jewelry, silks, fans, slippers, and boxes of sweets. Her gifts to him
are cigarette cases, embroidered sleeping suits, a rich fez, or some
other practical evidence of her affection.
In families of any social pretensions whatsoever, there is drawn a
marriage contract which stipulates the amount of dowry and whatever
business relationships are entered into by the husband and wife. If the
amount of dowry is not expressly stated in the contract, the woman is
entitled to the customary dower of a woman of her class, which is judged
according to that received by the other female members of her family.
This contract can also contain a stipulation that the husband may not
marry another wife so long as the present wife is living with him, and
it also often states that the wife may divorce her husband for certain
expressly stated causes.
There are two kinds of dower, one called “prompt” which is all paid at
the time of the marriage, the other where only part is given at that
time and the rest retained to be paid in case of divorce or on the death
of the husband. In the latter case the dower must be paid before the
other debts of the estate are settled. The wife has absolute rights over
her dower and can refuse to go to her husband’s home until it is paid.
The trousseau is provided by the father of the bride, and the articles
she takes to her new home in the shape of furniture, jewelry, etc., are
her property and can be taken with her if she should return to her
father’s home or if she should be left a widow. The bridegroom is
supposed to help pay the expenses of the elaborate feasting which lasts
from three to seven days, and which is often a great drain upon the
resources of both families. Custom has commanded that no parsimony shall
be shown at this time of rejoicing, and each family tries to outdo its
neighbour in the form of entertainment offered to its guests.
Theatrical entertainments are held in the courtyards, or in the large
guest-room. Dancing girls dance and jugglers perform, while food is most
plentifully provided, but there is no drinking of intoxicating liquors
in the home of a follower of Mohammed. In the place of wines, sherbets,
fruit juices, and coffee are served.
The culmination of the festivities comes when the bride in a gaily
decorated carriage is conducted to her new home. In the streets of any
large city one often sees these processions, the band leading the march,
dozens of singers preceding the carriage, and friends following, all
trying to show their joy in the happy event.
According to Western ideals there is one great bar to the lasting
happiness of the Moslem woman, and that is the question of divorce. It
is said that 90 per cent. of the marriages in Egypt end in divorce, and
that two people who live to an old age together without one of them
being divorced are rarely found. Mohammed has been severely censured
because of this great blot upon the progressive laws he made for his
people, but before his time there was no check on divorce; a man could
divorce often and for no reason, and a woman was helpless. This wise man
laid down laws far in advance of his time on this subject, and (what was
then an unheard of thing) allowed a woman to divorce her husband for
explicitly stated causes.
If they divorce for mutual incompatibility—that is, if they both agree
to it—there need be no question of the courts; but if the wife wishes to
be free and the husband will not permit it, the woman may go before a
judge and state her case, and if her charges are proven she will be
granted her petition. Often a woman will return her dower or agree to
forfeit the part not yet paid, or in many cases make a money payment to
the avaricious husband in return for her liberty. A case not long ago
came before the judge where the husband treated his wife brutally in
order to force from her a certain sum of money in exchange for her
freedom. The woman paid the sum demanded, then took the case before the
judge, and proved that his cruel treatment would entitle her to a
divorce, and the courts compelled the man to return the money to his
ex-wife with an added gift.
The different sects have different modes of procedure. One requires the
husband to pronounce the words of divorce once in a single sentence and
not live with his wife for three months, when the divorce is
accomplished. Another form requires that the words be pronounced three
times in succession at the interval of a month, the divorce becoming
effective when the last formula is pronounced. Another formula allows
the husband to say three times in succession, “I divorce thee! I divorce
thee! I divorce thee!” and the legal separation takes place.
A woman may say to her husband, “Give me a divorce in exchange for my
dower,” and if the man will say, “I do,” a lawful dissolution of the
marriage is effected.
Whatever the rule, divorce is very easy for the Moslem husband, and the
woman lives in constant fear that she will hear the words “I am
discharged from the marriage between you and me,” and will be compelled
to return to her home. This insecurity of the marriage bond causes the
woman to hoard what money she may obtain, and takes away the interest
she might otherwise have in the affairs of her husband, fearing that
prosperity may only mean that he will yearn for a younger and more
beautiful woman to share with him his riches. It also makes her try in
every way to preserve her beauty, buying cosmetics and talismans that
clever merchants assure her will aid in retaining the love of her
husband.
In the event of divorce the woman is commanded to remain single three
months, but the man may marry immediately. There is no especial disgrace
attached to divorce, yet the woman’s value is lowered to a certain
extent, and quite likely she will not be able to make so good a marriage
again.
No child under two years may be taken away from the mother, as the Koran
commands her to suckle the infant for that period. Unless it is proved
that she is totally unworthy to bring up her child, or unless she
marries an unbeliever, the boy is entitled to live with his mother until
he is seven years old, and the girl until she is nine, when the father
takes the guardianship of them both. Often they are allowed to live on
indefinitely with the mother, especially the girl, if the father marries
again and the new wife does not wish the care of the children of her
predecessor. This makes the burden of divorce fall heavily upon the
innocent children, as the mother generally marries and her husband may
not care for the children of another man; consequently they are left in
the care of the mother’s parents or other relatives, who quite likely
consider them a superfluous addition to an already overcrowded
household, although the father is compelled to contribute towards their
support.
If divorce is prevalent in the Land of the Nile, that other great
domestic evil, polygamy, is slowly dying out, mainly for an economic
reason. All the wives in a family are supposed to have equal support,
and in these days, when the women of Egypt are beginning to know and
crave the luxuries of life, it is hard for a man, unless of the very
wealthy class, to provide for more than one family. In a rich household
each wife would demand, not only her own suite of rooms, but quite
likely her own house and staff of servants, and she would see that her
husband did not show favouritism in regard to clothes, jewelry, or
amusements towards the women and children in his harim. Often in poorer
homes one sees two wives living in peace together, but the man with more
than one wife is becoming rarer each year. It is said that not one man
in fifty has more than one wife. The cynics say that it is because
divorce is so much easier and cheaper, but we believe that it is because
of the higher ideals that are coming to the Egyptian along with the
education that he is receiving from the Western world.
It is easy for the Western mind to take exaggerated views of the
unhappiness of the life in the harim. I found, among the better classes,
with whom I came into contact more than I did with the very poor, the
same average of happiness that prevails in any land. Seclusion which
seems so dreadful in our eyes has grown to be a matter of caste, and the
older women, at least, have no desire to depart from it. The power of
the husband is greater than it is in foreign lands, but he is generally
a kindly man who leaves the women’s department strictly alone, to be
ordered as his wife desires. It is she who has charge of the children
while in infancy, teaching them or having them taught the Koran, taking
them with her on visits to friends, and being with them much more than
does the average Western mother of the same class. A middle-class
Egyptian woman does practically the same things as does the wife of a
middle-class Englishman. She cooks, washes, mends the clothing, keeps
the house, and sews her children’s dresses. If she is able to have
servants—and one is very poor in Egypt not to be able to afford at least
one servant—the work of the household is superintended directly by the
mistress. Of course she may not go to the market nor to the shops, but
she inspects the food when brought to the house by the vendor or the
cook.
The care of the clothing is a great task if there are many sons in the
family who dress in the native costume, which is made of light-coloured
silk; the long black cloak is prone to sweep up the dust of the streets.
The children of the poor wear only a short shirt until they are about
six years old, but the children of the rich don European dress, either
made in the house or bought in the shops. The ready-made clothing has
found its way to the harims and saves the mother much work, as the
sewing-machine is not so well known there as it is in the homes of the
West.
Although the Egyptian woman is not seen in the mosques, she is very
religious, and more zealous in the faith than is her husband, who has a
chance to broaden his religious views by coming in contact with people
of other beliefs. The wife does not observe the prayers as strictly as
does her husband, but she has been taught her Koran in childhood and
follows its precepts to the best of her ability.
The woman, like women all over the world, is much more rigidly ruled by
her superstitious beliefs than is the man. She attributes the
extraordinary phenomena of Nature to the work of good or evil spirits
and believes in placating them or controlling them as far as possible.
These evil spirits are liable to lurk in all places, in the ovens, the
wells, and even in the market basket, which is covered to protect it
from the evil eye of covetous passers-by, or to guard it from a
wandering spirit who may be seeking a place of retreat.
[Illustration:
A WOMAN OF THE MASSES.
To face p. 64.]
The women in general are very ignorant in regard to all sanitary laws,
and there is an enormous amount of preventable sickness within the
harims. Children are allowed to eat what and whenever they wish, and
sweets are indulged in at all times. All babies suffer from eye trouble,
mainly caused by uncleanliness. A baby is not washed for eight days
after birth, then if the father or mother is suffering from any form of
skin disease, it is considered fatal to put water on the child. Flies
and mosquitoes abound, carrying contagion to all. Doctors are unknown
amongst the poorer class, and the mothers are in the hands of unskilled
midwives at the time of child-bearing, and the mortality is great.
When the angel of death enters the household of an Egyptian, it may be
known by the wailing of the women. The custom of weeping and wailing,
beating of the breasts, and tearing out of the hair still prevails on
the death of the member of a family. The body is buried within
twenty-four hours. It is enclosed in a coffin which is covered by a rich
shawl or piece of embroidery and carried to the cemetery on the
shoulders of men, preceded by blind men chanting the Koran and followed
by friends and relatives. The same ceremony is observed for the women as
for the men.
The soul is supposed not to leave the body for three days. The first
night an angel whispers in the ear of the deceased, “What is your
faith?” and the soul must answer, “I am a Moslem.” The angel again
whispers, “In whom do you believe?” and the soul will answer, “I believe
in the One God,” and the third question is, “And who is your prophet?”
and the answer, “Mohammed is the Prophet of God,” allows the soul to be
left in peace.
Three days, seven days, and forty days after death memorials are held at
the home of the late deceased, when friends call and offer their
sympathy, and food and money are distributed in great quantities to the
beggars. At times of festivity or mourning the poor come in crowds, and
are never turned away empty-handed. There are practically no almshouses
in Egypt, nor any organized charity, but Mohammedans are commanded to
give one-twentieth of their income to the poor. Whether they follow this
law exactly or not, they are very generous to those in need, not giving
with much discernment, but always willing to drop a coin into the
outstretched hand or to fill the empty bowl.
One cannot judge of the life of the average Egyptian woman by living
only in Cairo, where the note of modernism has sounded with such call as
to reach even the inner rooms of the harim, but in the smaller towns of
Egypt one sees the real Egyptian life, untouched by the customs of alien
lands.
[Illustration:
CHILDREN ON THE NILE.
To face p. 66.]
I visited in a home on the banks of the Nile and watched with interested
eyes the life around me: saw the mother attend to her household duties
in the morning, giving the servants directions for the day’s work,
measuring and weighing out the stores to the cook, and taking his
accounts as he came from the market-place with the day’s provisions. An
old blind woman came in the morning to give the children their lesson in
the Koran. She would start a surah, then the children would repeat the
remaining verses in a sing-song voice, the slightest break in the
intonation calling forth a rebuke from the leader, whose nodding head
kept time to the chant. At nine o’clock the older children took their
books under their arms and started for the village school, in the same
noisy manner as do our children at home. I watched the fellaheen as they
lifted the water from the river to irrigate the thirsty fields, and saw
the black-robed women filling their water-jars and placing them upon
their heads with a beautiful sweeping gesture, walk gracefully away to
their little mud huts that could scarcely be distinguished from the
sands around them.
Trains of camels passed our wall on their way to the distant city, and
the shepherd boys drove their flocks of sheep and goats in search of
pasture. I remembered Browning’s beautiful David, who sang:—
And I first played the tune all our sheep know, as one after one
So docile they come to the pen door till folding is done.
They are white and untorn by bushes, for lo, they have fed
Where the long grasses stifle the water within the stream’s bed.
And now one after one seeks its lodging, as star follows star
Into eve and the blue far above us—so blue and so far.
We watched the little boys ride the great unwieldy water buffaloes to
the water side, slipping off their backs to allow them, groaning with
content, to wallow in the sluggish waters, and when the hard white stars
came out in the sapphire sky, we looked far over the Libyan hills, which
had changed from the gold and opal of sunset to the grey blue that
heralds the coming of the Egyptian night. The evening breeze that always
comes with the setting of the sun brought the smell of the desert to us,
and the deep swish of the Nile came as an accompaniment to the cry of
the muezzin from the tiny mosque in the distance, and we saw its
response in the fellah kneeling beside his waiting camel, lifting his
hands to the heavens, as the clear, bell-like voice came over the
evening air:—
There is no God but God, and Mohammed is His Prophet.
[Illustration:
BEDOUIN WOMEN IN FRONT OF TENT.
To face p. 69.]