skinflint! Susan Clegg, your father was a miser! Susan Clegg, your
father was a thief!' 'n' all this with me where I c'dn't but hear,
Mrs. Lathrop, 'n' he must 'a' known it too. 'Susan Clegg, I was a
young man in difficulties,' he says, ''n' I wanted a hunderd dollars
bad,' he says, ''n' 'f I'd had it I c'd 'a' bought into a nice
business 'n' married a nice girl with a nice property 'n' made this
place blossom like a wilderness 'n' seen the fig-trees o' my fig-trees
sittin' in my shade. 'N' I went to your father, 'n' I told him all the
inmost recesses o' my heart o' hearts,' he says, ''n' 'xplained to him
how 'n' why 'n' wherefore the business c'dn't but pay, 'n' then took
him to see the girl 'n' p'inted out all her good p'ints, 'n' then
asked him to lend me the hunderd dollars, 'n' hired a livery horse 'n'
drove him home to think about it. 'N' what followed after, Susan
Clegg,'--oh, Mrs. Lathrop, I never see the like o' the way he suddenly
swelled 'n' blued right then!--''n' what come next? I waited the wait
o' the innocent 'n' trustin' for one long 'n' unremittin' week, 'n'
then, when I was nigh to mad with sittin' on red-hot needles by day
'n' by night without let or hindrance, what did he answer?--what did
he answer to him 's laid in the hollow o' his hand, confidin' fully
'n' freely in his seein' what a good investment it 'd be? What did he
answer, Susan Clegg? He answered 's he c'd n't do it, 'n' 's it was
n't no possible use whatever to ask him again! Susan Clegg, I smashed
a winder,' he says, 'right then 'n' there,' he says, ''n' I writ a
letter 'n' it must 'a' been that letter 's you found, f'r I never writ
him no other afore or after. 'N' then I went West to make my fortune
'n' I did n't make no fortune, but I got my hands on a hunderd dollars
'n' I come home lickety-split to buy that business 'n' marry that
girl. I went first to see about the business 's it was right 'n'
natural 't I sh'd, 'n' what did I find, Susan Clegg, what did I find?'
Mrs. Lathrop, I never see the like in all my days, born or unborn. I
thought he'd yell my head off. 'I found your father'd bought the
business, my business, 'n' I was left out in the freezin', icy cold!
Susan Clegg, I smashed a table,' he says, ''n' two chairs,' he says,
''n' I went to see the girl 'n' ask her to wait a little longer,--'n',
Fire 'n' Brimstone 'n' Saltpetre, 'f your father hadn't gone 'n'
married the girl,--my girl!
"''N' there was all below to pay,' he says, ''n' I vowed bloody
murder,' he says, ''n' they had me up 'n' bound me over to keep the
peace, 'n' then they moved away. 'N' I sat down to wait f'r my
vengeance,' he says, ''n' I've waited fifty years,' he says. 'I've
spent fifty years grindin' my teeth 'n' whettin' the edge o' my fury,
'n' now--'
"Mrs. Lathrop, I didn't wait to hear no more. I didn't feel like I had
strength to. I run. 'N', heavens, _how_ I run! I lit out like I was
paid for it, 'n' I bet I clum every last one o' them hills 's fast on
the up 's the down. When I got to the station there was a train jus'
pullin' out f'r I didn't know where, 'n' I hopped aboard like I was
shot. It took me to Meadville, 'n' I had to pay the 'xtra fare 'n'
wait two hours to get another back here, 'n' I ain't really half
through shakin' yet."
Susan stopped, took out her handkerchief and carefully passed it over
her brow as one who strives to brush away tormenting visions.
Mrs. Lathrop sat mute and motionless, completely overwhelmed by the
recital of her friend's tragic story.
After a few minutes Miss Clegg put her handkerchief back in her pocket
and turned a sad and solemn, yet tender look upon her companion.
"Lord knows I'm done with relations from this day on," she said slowly
but with great distinctness. "I feel like hereafter I'll be content
with jus' you, Mrs. Lathrop, 'n' I can't say nothin' stronger f'r what
I've jus' lived through."
Mrs. Lathrop's eyes filled with gratitude at this compliment.
But she said nothing.
V
THE MINISTER'S VACATION
Mrs. Lathrop had been unable to attend the usual Friday afternoon
Sewing Society on account of her pickling. She had completely
forgotten what day of the week it was until she had picked all of a
dozen cucumbers and it was then too late to stay the tide of events.
The pickling had to go forward, and one of the best listeners in the
Sewing Society was forced to remain away in consequence.
"I guess you'll have to go a--" she called across the open space
between their kitchen doors when she saw Susan putting on her black
mitts in the window about two o'clock,--the hour at which they usually
sallied forth in company.
"Alone," Susan called back--"well, I should say 't I am goin' alone.
'F you c'u'd see yourself this minute, Mrs. Lathrop; you'd easy
understand 't even 'f you wanted to go no one in their senses 'd be
able to go with you f'r fear o' bein' took for a lunatic."
Mrs. Lathrop glanced dubiously down over herself.
"I spilt--" she began apologetically.
"I c'n see it from here," said Susan, "'n' 's long 's we're on the
subjeck I want to remark right now 't, with the wind settin' the way
it 's blowin' to-day, I don't want you to burn nothin' while I'm gone.
'F you'll excuse my bein' so open with you, Mrs. Lathrop, I'll say 't
a woman in your circumstances ought not to waste nothin' by burnin' it
anyhow, 'n' 'f she does do anythin' so foolish no woman in my
circumstances 'd ought to have her house all smelled up."
"I ain't goin'--" began the neighbor.
"That reminds me 't I am," rejoined she of the black mitts; and so
saying, she quitted the window and was presently seen departing down
her front walk,--a pleasing object in a bonnet of the jetted era and a
shawl of no date whatever.
Mrs. Lathrop divided her afternoon between active service over the
vinegar kettle and long rests of delicious unconsciousness in the
kitchen rocker. Her temperament was not one which wore itself out in
vain regrets over what might have been, and then too she knew that
Susan was at the meeting and from Susan she would learn all that might
there transpire. About half-past five she began to glance out of the
window which looked furthest down the street, and some ten minutes
later her watching was rewarded by the sight of Miss Clegg and another
lady approaching slowly. An animated conversation appeared to be in
progress between the two, and at the gate of Mrs. Lathrop's dearest
friend they made a long halt while the latter appeared to be laying
down some form of law with uncommon vigor and pointing its points off
with her knitting, which she waved about in a manner unwontedly
reckless.
Mrs. Lathrop--having not only spilt more during the afternoon, but
also been twice the victim of what is technically known as "boiling
over"--felt quite unable to make a third at the gate party, and so was
forced to masticate her impatience and hover in the window until Susan
turned at last and came up her walk.
"Can you come--" then called the eager waiter.
"Not till after I get my supper," the other replied.
Mrs. Lathrop sighed, and forced herself to further patience. It was
all of seven when Miss Clegg finally came over.
"I'll sit on the steps," she announced. "Bein' 's we're such friends,
Mrs. Lathrop, I may 's well say right here 'n' now 't I would n't sit
down in your kitchen this night for no money. I'd carry the spots till
I died most likely 'n' have no one but myself to blame f'r it. You may
not thank me f'r sayin' it to your face, but it isn't in me to deceive
so much 's a water-bug, 'n' 'f I live to be a hunderd I c'd never
forget seein' you make a chocolate cake once. I c'd make a chocolate
cake 'n' a king might eat off o' my cuffs 'n' collar when I was
through, but what surprised me about your chocolate cake, Mrs.
Lathrop, was 't you did n't get into the oven with it in the end, for
I'll take my Bible oath 's you had 's much on you 's on any pan."
"We c'n sit on the--" said Mrs. Lathrop pleasantly.
"I 'm sittin' there already," said the caller, "'n' whenever you get
ready to listen I 'll tell you about this afternoon, for it was the
most interestin' meetin' 't we've had since Mrs. Jewett's leg come off
to her chair 'n' she run the crochet-hook so far in--you
recollec'?--'n' the doctors didn't know which way to pull it out.
Young Dr. Brown was for pushin' it on through 'cause the hook would
catch 'f he drawed it out on the crochet principle, 'n' old Dr. Carter
said it wouldn't do to put it through 'cause it was a fancy Chinese
thing 't old Captain Jewett's father brought from China 'n' there was
a man's head on the other end with his mustache makin' two
crochet-hooks, one each side."
"What did--" said Mrs. Lathrop.
"Don't you remember?--Mrs. Jewett come to 'n' told 'em 't the middle
was for needles 'n' 't all they had to do was to unscrew it 'n' take
it out opposite ways, 'n' then she fainted, 'n' then they did, 'n' no
one thought of there bein' needles in it, 'n' they fell out 'n' she
had shootin' pains from havin' 'em in her for ever so long. Mrs. Macy
was sayin' only the other day 't to her order o' thinkin' Mrs. Jewett
died o' the darnin'-needles. She says she was forever grabbin' herself
somewhere with a sudden yell, 'n' no matter what the doctors said it
was jus' them needles, 'n' no sensible person 's saw her actions could
doubt it. Mrs. Macy says it was a awful lesson to her against keepin'
loose needles in screw things,--she says 't her son sent her a egg
from the World's Fair with every kind of needle in it, but she wasn't
takin' no chances, 'n' she took them needles right out 'n' put buttons
in instead."
"I remember she died," said Mrs. Lathrop thoughtfully, "but I--"
"It don't matter," said Susan. "My, but it's hot! It's been awful hot
this week, 'n' this afternoon it was all but bilin' down there in that
little parlor o' Mrs. Craig's. I was f'r sittin' on the porch, but
Gran'ma Mullins rocked off a porch once 'n' she was f'r sittin' where
she couldn't rock off nothin'. I said she could sit on the grass, but
she was fussy about that too--said a poison-spider bit her foot once
'n' she had it come on reg'lar every year f'r seven years after. I
come nigh to feelin' put out, but Mrs. Sperrit spoke up just then 'n'
asked 'f we'd any of us noticed how terrible worn the minister's wife
was lookin' 'n' didn't we think 't he'd ought to have a vacation? It
was that 't made the meetin' so interesting f'r in all the years 't
we've had the minister no one ever thought o' givin' him a vacation
afore, 'n' when you think how long we've had him 'n' how steady we've
gone to church as a consequence, I must say 't I think 't it's more 'n
surprisin' 't we didn't give him a vacation long ago. I must say,
though, 't my first idea was 't it was a curious thing to give the
minister a vacation so as to rest his wife, although I d'n' know 's we
could do any thin' kinder for her 'n to get rid of him f'r a spell.
Then too, to my order o' thinkin', our minister ain't really ever in
need o' no rest, and 'f he needs a change my say would be 'Set him to
work.' I said all that to 'em all down there, 'n' Mrs. Sperrit went on
then 'n' said 't her idea was f'r 'em both to go, so 's we could all
sort o' take a breathin' space together. I agreed with her about the
breathin,' f'r I don't believe no other minister 'n ours ever had
thirteen children born in the same house, 'n' I'm free to remark 't if
a new minister did n't always sit so solid for new wall-paper 'n' the
cistern cleaned out, I'm pretty sure 't the last half-dozen childern
'n' his second wife would certainly have found themselves bein' born
elsewhere. 'N', such bein' the case, I don't blame no man f'r wantin'
a little free time, 'n' so I joined in, 'n' Mrs. Allen moved 't we all
unbutton our collars 'n' discuss the matter, 'n' Gran'ma Mullins took
off her cap 'n' we begun right then 'n' there. Mrs. Brown said 't if
they was a-goin' now was a very good time 'cause the baby was a year
old, 'n' I said 't I c'd agree with her there 'cause if we waited till
next summer the baby might be only a month old or maybe only a week
old--f'r I must say 't so far 's my observation 's extended there
never is no countin' on how old a minister's baby 's goin' be 't any
given time. Gran'ma Mullins interrupted me 'n' said 't if we'd excuse
her she'd go below her collar 'n' unbutton her top button 'cause her
cousin bought it ready-made 'n' all she could tell the clerk was 't
she was seventy-three years old 'n' so perhaps it was only natural 't
it should bind a little in the neck. 'N' so she did, 'n' then she
moved her head around till she was sure she was all free 'n' then she
said, ''N' now as to them childern?' It was kind of a shock, for no
one had thought about the childern 'n' Mrs. Craig said pretty
feeble-like 't it wouldn't be no rest to send the minister's wife off
with thirteen childern, 'n' I spoke up pretty sharp 'n' asked what
kind of a rest the town 'd get if them thirteen childern was left
behind. I c'd see 't I'd hit the nail on the head _then_, jus' by the
way 't they all waited to get a drink afore going any further."
Miss Clegg stopped and drew a deep breath.
Mrs. Lathrop looked anxious, not to say fearful.
"It was Mrs. Sperrit as begun again," the narrator continued
presently. "Mrs. Sperrit said why not divide the children up among us
all 'n' each take one, 'n' she looked to be talkin' sense till they
started dividin', 'n' then it turned out 't naturally every one wanted
the big easy ones 'n' no one wanted Augustus. I was dreadful uneasy
myself for fear 't I'd be 'xpected to take Brunhilde Susan on account
o' her hind half bein' named for me, but I didn't have to worry long,
for Mrs. Allen said 't she'd take Brunhilde Susan 'cause Polly's
tended Brunhilde Susan so much 't she knows just what Brunhilde Susan
'll stand 'n' Brunhilde Susan knows just what Polly 'll stand. So
Brunhilde Susan was fixed, but every one else was all upset 'n'
undecided, 'n' it was plain 't nothin' wouldn't work, so Mrs. Macy up
'n' proposed 't they put all but the baby in a sugar-bowl 'n' shake
'em up 'n' draw.
"Well, we did, 'n' it was 'xcitin', I c'n tell you, 'n' I wish you'd
been there to see their faces. Mrs. Macy drew first, seein' 't it was
her plan, 'n' she was awful put out over gettin' Henry Ward Beecher.
Seems she was countin' on using her trundle-bed, 'n' she said right
flat out 't she _must_ use her trundle-bed, 'n' so she jus' up 'n' put
Henry Ward Beecher right straight back in the sugar-bowl. Mrs. Sweet
drew next, 'n' 'f _she_ didn't get Henry Ward Beecher too, 'n' she was
madder yet 'cause she was intendin' to have her child sleep with Emma,
'n' she said 't her child had jus' _got_ to sleep with Emma, so she up
'n' stuffed Henry Ward Beecher back into the sugar-bowl too. Then Mrs.
Brown wanted to draw, 'n' so they put on the cover 'n' shook 'em up
hard, 'n' I couldn't but be a little took with how anxious they was to
draw when there was only twelve childern 'n' sixteen women, so 't
stood to reason 't there was four as couldn't get no child to save
their necks. I didn't try to draw none myself--I hauled out a lot of
stitches 'n' sat back'n' said when they was all through I'd come 'n'
draw for you and me too, 'n' then I watched 'em all hurryin' Mrs.
Brown, 'n' 'f _she_ didn't get Henry Ward Beecher same 's all the
rest! But she was perfectly satisfied,--she said 't she was lonesome
now young Dr. Brown's gone 'n' married and 't Henry Ward Beecher c'd
have his room. So Henry Ward Beecher was out o' the sugar-bowl at
last, 'n' I must say 't it was a great relief to see him settled."
"Who drew--" said Mrs. Lathrop.
"Mrs. Sweet drew next. 'N' she drew Augustus, 'n' when she see 't
she'd got Augustus she didn't mince matters none,--she jus' said she'd
never have no Augustus in her house, not now 'n' not never, 'n' she
put him right back, 'n' some one said 't it wasn't fair. But they
shook the bowl up good, 'n' Gran'ma Mullins 'd been tryin' so hard to
get a chance at it 't they let her come next, 'n' she drew, 'n'--my
Lord!--she let off a scream like she'd draw'd a snake 'n' it seemed 't
it was Bobby she'd got, 'n' she said, fair or not, she couldn't abide
no small boy since she god-mothered Sam Duruy, 'n' so we must excuse
her puttin' Bobby back into the sugar-bowl, and so back into the
sugar-bowl Bobby got put. Then every one begin sayin' 't it wasn't
fair, 'n' Mrs. Sperrit stood up 'n' said she knowed a good way. We'd
put sixteen numbers in the sugar-bowl 'n' all draw numbers 'n' then
choose from the childern in accordance with our numbers, No. 1 gettin'
first pick 'n' No. 2 second 'n' so on. So we did it, 'n' I drew with a
pretty heavy heart, I c'n assure you, Mrs. Lathrop, for Lord knows
what I'd 'a' done if--"
"I c'd 'a' taken--" interposed the friend.
"Yes, 'n' you'd 'a' had to too," rejoined the other. "I thought o'
that as I was feelin' 'round, prayin' Heaven to guide me; 'n' it did
too, for I got 14, 'n' after that the rest o' the meetin' was nothin'
but sheer circus for me. That was what you missed, Mrs. Lathrop, f'r I
don't believe there ever was or ever will be such a Sewin' Society
again. Every one quit sewin' in the first place, 'n' Mrs. Duruy, who
'd got No. 1, reflected some 'n' then said she 'd take Felicia Hemans
'cause Felicia c'd help her with her sewin'. Mrs. Sweet was No. 2, 'n'
she took Rachel Rebecca to sleep with Emma. Then come Gran'ma Mullins,
'n' she studied a long while 'n' then at last she decided on little
Jane 'cause little Jane sucks her thumb 'n' that's the sign of a good
child. Then Mrs. Sperrit came next, 'n' she said she'd take Bobby
'cause he couldn't do no mischief out on the farm. Gran'ma Mullins
shook her head 'n' said them laughs best as laughs last, but Mrs.
Sperrit stuck to Bobby 'n' didn't pay no attention to Gran'ma Mullins.
Well--then Mrs. Brown took Henry Ward Beecher, 'n' Mrs. Kimball took
Billy 'cause he's in the store anyhow, 'n' Mrs. Maxwell took 'Liza
Em'ly to rip, 'n' Mrs. Fisher took John Bunyan for weeds. 'N' then
Mrs. Macy just pounced on the last girl for her trundle-bed, 'n' Mrs.
Jilkins was pretty mad at there bein' no more girls after the last one
'n' she give a sort o' flounce 'n' said 'Josephus,' 'n' Miss White
give a sort o' groan 'n' said 'Fox' in a voice like death. 'N' _then_
come _the_ time!--Mrs. Davison was No. 12, 'n' every one knew it, 'n'
every one 'd been lookin' at her from time to time 'n' she hadn't been
lookin' at no one, only jus' at her number, 'n' when the time come f'r
her to say who she'd got (for naturally she didn't have no choice) she
didn't say nothin' at all, only just begun to pick up all her work
things 'n' stuff 'em in that little black bead bag o' hers, 'n' there
was a meanin' way about her stuffin' 't said more 'n was
necessary.--But o' course some one had to speak, so Mrs. Sweet begun
to smile 'n' say, ''N' Mrs. Davison gets Augustus!' 'n' at that Mrs.
Davison come up out o' her chair like it was a live coal, 'n' shook
all over 'n' glared right in front of her, 'n' said, 'Ladies, this may
appear as a joke to you, but it's far from seemin' funny to the one as
gets Augustus. I decline Augustus right square 'n' sharp 'n' flat 'n'
now, 'n' if I ever hear another word on the subjeck I shall cease to
ever again play the organ in church on Sunday!'"
Miss Clegg paused dramatically.
Mrs. Lathrop opened her mouth in awe at the climax.
"Well, you c'd 'a' heard the dust settle for a minute or two! No one
couldn't think o' nothin' to say, f'r the only thing to say was
suthin' 't no one in their senses would think o' sayin', but o' course
some one had to say it, 'n' Mrs. Craig got up at last 'n' with the
tears standin' in her eyes 'n' a kind o' sad look all around her nice
tidy house, she sort o' sighed out, 'We must have the organ Sundays,
'n' I'll take Augustus.' There was a air o' bein' sorry for her all
over, but every one was so glad it was her 'n' not them 't they
couldn't help bein' more relieved 'n anythin' else, 'n' then we all
remembered 't we was hot, 'n' hungry too, so we made short work o'
app'intin' Mrs. Allen to go 'n' tell the minister how everythin' was
arranged for his vacation, 'n' 't it'd be a favor to us all if he
could get away pretty prompt to-morrow so 's we could be all settled
down for Sunday. Mrs. Sperrit says she'll take the bird right along
with Bobby, 'n' Mrs. Allen says 't if they have Brunhilde Susan they
can just as well fuss with the cow too, so 's far as I c'n see
there'll be no church Sunday, 'n' I certainly am grateful, for all the
time 't I was in church last Sunday I was wishin' 't I was in the
crick instid, 'n' I don't consider such thoughts upliftin'."
Mrs. Lathrop slapped at a mosquito.
"They say it's better to be born lucky 'n rich," said Susan, getting
up to go, "'n' what you said jus' now, Mrs. Lathrop, proves 't it's
true in your case. For if I _had_ been obliged to take Brunhilde Susan
or any other of 'em, it'd surely 'a' been a awful care to you just
now, what with your picklin' 'n' your not bein' no great hand at
childern anyhow."
Mrs. Lathrop assented with two slow nods.
"Mrs. Brown 'n' me walked home together," said Susan, as she slowly
turned her steps in the direction of her own house. "Mrs. Brown thinks
she's got the flower o' the flock in gettin' Henry Ward Beecher. She
says he's so big he'll be no care a _tall_, except to fill his pitcher
once in a while."
"It's Mrs. Craig as has--" said Mrs. Lathrop.
"Yes, I sh'd say so," assented Susan.
And then they spoke no more.
* * * * *
The minister, on the receipt of his parishioners' ultimatum, tarried
not upon the order of his going, but went almost at once. Indeed he
and his wife packed with such alacrity that at ten o'clock upon the
following day (which was Saturday) they were both gone, and the
thirteen children, the bird, and the cow had all been distributed
according to the Sewing Society's programme.
The day was intensely hot, and in spite of the deep interest which
both felt in the wide-spread situation, neither Susan nor Mrs. Lathrop
heard any news from the thirteen seats of war until late in the
afternoon. At that hour Mrs. Macy called on Miss Clegg, and after the
call the latter walked "as far as the square" with her friend. Mrs.
Lathrop saw them go out together from her kitchen window, and when
Susan failed to return, she possessed her soul with all the unlimited
resignation which was her strong point.
Susan did not return until seven o'clock.
"I ain't comin' over," she called from the back stoop, before Mrs.
Lathrop could get to the fence; "there ain't nothin' particular to
tell 'n' under them circumstances I ain't one to bother to tell it.
Every one 't I see was out runnin' about 'n' recountin' how much
better they're doin' than might 'a' been expected. Mrs. Craig's awful
pleased over Augustus, says it was all clean slander the talk about
him, for he's 's good 's gold, jus' lays on his back on the floor 'n'
says, 'Wash zhat? Is zhat a fly? Zhi a fly? Zhu a fly?' or 'Wash zhat?
Zhat dinner? Zhi dinner? Zhu dinner?' 'n' all you have to say is
'Yes--No--No--No' pretty prompt. She says she don't consider him no
care a _tall_ 'n' she's glad to have the chance to say so right
out.--Mrs. Fisher was into the store while Mrs. Craig was talkin', 'n'
she says she's 'mused to death over John Bunyan. Seems she was never
in favor o' Mr. Fisher's havin' a garden, 'n' now John Bunyan 's gone
'n' pulled up all the beets 'n' five rows of little radishes. She was
buyin' him a ball an' laughin' to tears over how mad Mr. Fisher was.
She says he took John Bunyan by the shoulders 'n' shook him hard 'n'
asked him 'f he didn't know a radish 'n' a beet when he saw one, 'n'
John Bunyan spoke right up 'n' said, 'Course he knowed a radish 'n' a
beet when he saw 'em, but how was any one to see a radish or a beet
till after he pulled it up first?' Oh my! but Mrs. Fisher says Mr.
Fisher was hot about it, 'n' it was all of a half hour afore he got
over his mad enough to be ready to teach John Bunyan anythin' else,
'n' then he wanted to show him the first principles of graftin', 'n'
so she put a big plate of apples where they was handy for the boy to
reach, 'n' come down town herself."
Mrs. Lathrop had approached the fence step by step, and now leaned in
a confidence-inspiring attitude against its firm support. The sight
seemed to affect Miss Clegg without her being conscious of the fact,
and she abandoned her first position on the doorstep and advanced
also.