_Monday, December 13th._--Since the House of Lords took the bit in
its teeth and bolted with the Government of Ireland Bill the LORD
CHANCELLOR has practically thrown the reins on the creature's neck and
confined himself to occasional mild remonstrance when it kicked over
the Government traces. The most he could do when rival amendments were
put forward was to secure the passage of the less objectionable. Thus
when Lord SHANDON, for purely sentimental reasons--Ireland knew him as
"a most susceptible Chancellor"--desired that the unifying body should
be called a Senate Lord BIRKENHEAD laughed the proposal out of court
with the remark that "a man might as well purchase a mule with the
object of founding a stud," and persuaded the Peers to accept the word
"Council." He was at first inclined to oppose Lord WICKLOW'S amendment
providing that neither Irish Parliament should take private property
without compensation; but when he found that an old Home Ruler, Lord
BRYCE, was in favour of imposing this curb on Irish exuberance he, as
"a very young Home Ruler," gracefully withdrew his objection.
Sir JOHN BAIRD revealed the names of the members of the Central
Control Board (Liquor Traffic). The muffled groans that followed the
announcement of the first of them, Mr. WATERS-BUTLER, were quite
uncalled for, as I understand that the gentleman in question preserves
a strict impartiality between two branches of his patronymic.
Sir ERIC GEDDES was not too sympathetic to the complaints of
overcrowding on the suburban railways; but I cannot think that Mr.
MARTIN had fully thought out the consequences of his suggestion that
the right hon. gentleman should take a trip one night from Aldgate to
Barking and see for himself. Imagine the feelings of the strap-hangers
when Sir ERIC essayed "little by little" to wedge himself into their
midst.
If the Opposition desired a really satisfactory discussion on the
origin of the fires in Cork it should have chosen some other spokesman
than Lieut.-Commander KENWORTHY. The hon. and gallant gentleman was
less aggressive in manner than usual, but even so he encountered a
good many interruptions. He was answered in a characteristic speech by
Mr. CLAUDE LOWTHER; and the debate as a whole never rose much above
the level where it was left by these "Burnt Cork Comedians."
_Tuesday, December 14th._--Despite the protests of Lord BRAYE, who
demanded full self-determination for Ireland, the Peers gave a Third
Reading to the Government of Ireland Bill. Lord CREWE so far modified
his previous attitude as to congratulate the Government on having held
on their course in the face of the discouraging events in Ireland, and
to express the hope that the measure would be worked for all it was
worth, though, in his lordship's estimation, it was not worth much.
[Illustration: THE END OF THE OMNIBUS.
_Conductor ADDISON._ "A NICE OLD MESS YOU'VE BEEN AND GONE AND MADE!"
_Driver CURZON._ "_ME?_ IF _YOU_ HADN'T BEEN SO LATE IN TURNING OUT I
SHOULDN'T HAVE HAD TO CUT THINGS SO FINE."]
The Ministry of Health Bill found the Peers in a much less
accommodating mood. Lord STRACHIE moved its rejection, chiefly on the
ground of the financial strain it would impose upon local authorities,
and was supported by Lord GALWAY, who thought it an insult to
Parliament to bring forward so ambitious a measure at the fag-end of
the Session. Lord CURZON vainly endeavoured to avert the coming storm
by accepting a suggestion that the Bill should be carried over till
next Session. The majority of the Peers were out for blood, and they
defeated the Second Reading by 57 to 41. Dr. ADDISON, from the steps
of the Throne, gloomily watched the overturn of his omnibus. It is
understood that, following the example of his distinguished namesake,
he is going to write to _The Spectator_ about Lord STRACHIE.
So many of the Commons appeared to have anticipated the Christmas
holidays that Questions were run through at a great pace. Mr. HOGGE,
however, was in his place all right to know how it was, after all the
protestations of the Government, that an official motor-car containing
an officer and a lady had been seen outside a toy-shop in Regent
Street. "Mark how a plain tale shall set you down," said Mr. CHURCHILL
in effect. The officer was on his way from an outlying branch of the
War Office to an important conference in Whitehall; the lady was his
private secretary; the natural route of the car was _viâ_ Regent
Street, and the officer had merely seized the opportunity to pick up
a parcel.
A Supplementary Estimate of six and a-half millions for the Navy gave
the economists their chance. Mr. G. LAMBERT could not understand why
we were employing more men at the dockyards than before the War, and
suggested that three or four of the yards might be sold. This proposal
was received with singularly little enthusiasm by most of the Members
for dockyard constituencies; but Sir B. FALLE (Portsmouth) handsomely
remarked that Chatham might well be leased for private enterprise.
The Member for Chatham was not present, or he would, no doubt, have
returned the compliment.
_Wednesday, December 15th._--A less adventurous Minister than Mr.
CHURCHILL might have funked the task of justifying to a House of
Economists a Supplementary Army Estimate of forty millions. But he
boldly tackled the job, and proved to his own satisfaction that half
the liability was a mere book-entry, and the other half inevitable,
in view of the Empire's commitments. Sir CHARLES TOWNSHEND, in a
maiden speech which in the more flamboyant passages suggested the
collaboration of the EDITOR of _John Bull_, announced his intention
of supporting the Government "for all I am worth," and proceeded to
demonstrate that their policy in Mesopotamia had been wrong from start
to finish.
_Thursday, December 16th._--I don't know whether the current rumours
of the PRIME MINISTER'S delicacy are put about by malignant enemies
who hope that Nature will accomplish what they have failed to achieve,
or by well-meaning friends who desire to convince the Aberystwith
Sabbatarians that Sunday golf is essential to his well-being. In his
answers to Questions this afternoon he showed no signs of failing
powers. When Mr. BILLING accused him of breaking his pledge that there
should be no more secret diplomacy he modestly replied that that was
not his but President WILSON'S phrase; and a little later he informed
the same cocksure questioner that a certain problem was "not so simple
as my hon. friend imagines most problems are."
An inquiry about the Franco-British boundaries in the Holy Land led
the PRIME MINISTER to observe that the territory delimited was "the
old historic Palestine--Dan to Beersheba." It was, of course, a
mere coincidence that the next Question on the Paper related to the
destruction of calves, though not the golden kind.
The quarter-deck voice in which Rear-Admiral ADAIR thundered for
information regarding the Jutland Papers so startled Sir JAMES CRAIG
that, fearing another salvo if he temporised with the question, he
promptly promised immediate publication.
Despite a characteristic protest from Mr. DEVLIN, who, as Mr. BONAR
LAW observed, treats his opponents as if they were "not only morally
bad but intellectually contemptible," the House proceeded to consider
the Lords' Amendments to the Home Rule Bill, and dealt with them by
the time-honoured device of "splitting the difference."
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[Illustration: _Dealer._ "WELL, THERE SHE IS, GUV'NOR, AN' YOURS AT A
ROCK-BOTTOM PRICE."
_Farmer._ "NOA, THANKEE. I ONLY GOT POUND NOTES ON ME, YE SEE, AN' I
DOAN'T WANT TO BREAK INTO ANOTHER."]
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"MALESWOMAN WANTED.--Competent to take charge of Millinery
establishment."
_Trade Paper_.
A sort of Mannequin, we presume.
* * * * *
[Illustration: _The Viking's Wife_ (_to husband, who is setting off to
raid the coast of Britain_). "GOOD-BYE, SIGURD DARLING. DON'T FORGET
WHAT I SAID ABOUT GETTING YOUR FEET WET. AND, BY THE WAY, I'M GREATLY
IN NEED OF A COOK-GENERAL, IF YOU HAPPEN TO SEE ONE. BUT REMEMBER SHE
MUST BE CAPABLE AND PLAIN--NOT LIKE THE HUSSIES YOU USUALLY FETCH."]
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