There is something in the unchangeableness of rural scenery, and in the
unaltered method and order of a long established and carefully governed
household, which gives the sensitive spirit, returning to them after
great changes have passed over itself, a sort of shock as of pitiless
permanence and a rigid machinery of existence which must triumph over
every mere vicissitude of happiness or unhappiness.
After the little incidents of the first days, which after all had had
little to do with her own personal history, the absolute unchangedness
of Murkley, not a leaf different, every branch drooping in the same
line, the same flowers in the garden, the same arrangement of the
flower-vases to which Jean was so glad to get back (for she had never
been able to arrange the London bouquets to her own satisfaction in
those terrible glass things in Cadogan Place), conveyed to Lilias a
sense of some occult and secret power of passive authority in existence
itself, as separate from any individual will or wish, which appalled
her. London and all those wonderful scenes--the lights, the talks, the
dances, the intoxication of flattery and delight which had mounted
to her head--were all gone like a phantasmagoria. But life, which had
been waiting for her just as of old, which had been going on just as
of old, while she was flitting through that dream-world, had now taken
her in again steadily to its steady routine which admitted no thought
of change. It appalled her for the moment; her feet came down, with
a power of gravitation over which her impulses seemed to have little
or no influence, into the self-same line, upon the self-same path.
She tried to laugh sometimes at what everybody called the force of
habit, but she was frightened by it. She had acquired a great deal of
experience in those six weeks of the season; her memory was full of
scenes which flashed upon the inward eye whenever she was by herself,
or even when she sat silent in the old rooms where Jean and Margaret
were so silent too. And when some one called her, or something from the
outer world came in, Lilias felt a momentary giddiness, an inability
to arrange her thoughts or to be quite sure where she was, or which
was real, the actual world or that other in which the moment before
she had been. Her head seemed to turn round when she was spoken to.
To feel herself surrounded by a smiling crowd in rooms all splendid
with decoration, flowers, and lights, and fine pictures, with music
and flattering voices in the air--and then to look up and see Jean's
head somewhat paler than usual against the dark wainscot, and Miss
Margaret's voice saying, "If you will put on your hat, Lilias, we will
go out for our walk--" Which was true? She faltered as she rose up,
stumbling among the real. She was afraid of it: it seemed to her to be
a sort of ghost of existence from which she could not escape.
And in other respects there was no small agitation in the inner
consciousness of Lilias. She had felt that there was much in the air
on that last evening which never came to anything. The atmosphere of
the place, in which neither he nor she had cared to dance, had tingled
with something that had never been said. All those weeks, when she had
seen him so often, had produced their natural effect upon the girl. She
had never deceived herself, like Margaret, as to the many houses that
had suddenly been thrown open to them. Lilias had not forgotten how
it had been at the Countess's reception. She remembered the immediate
alteration of everything as soon as Lewis had appeared. She had not
been allowed to speak to him in the Row, but immediately after all the
doors had been thrown open as by magic. She knew very well that this
magic was in his hand. And how was it possible for her to believe that
it was merely "kindness," as she at first thought? It was kindness,
but there was something more. She saw not only the tenderness, but
the generosity of his treatment of her with wonder, almost with a
little offence at the magnanimity which she found it so difficult to
understand. Lewis had brought to her everybody that was best and most
attractive. She had looked again and again into eyes, bent upon her
with admiration, that might have been the eyes of the hero of her
dreams. Six-foot-two of fine humanity, in the Guards, in the Diplomatic
Service, or, better still, in no service at all, endowed with the
finest of English names and possessing the bluest blood, had exhibited
itself before her in the best light again and again. We do not pretend
to assert, nor did Lilias believe, that these paladins were all ready
to lay their hearts and honours at her feet; but there was one at
least who had done so, without even moving her to more than a little
tingle of gratified vanity and friendly regret. But from all these tall
heroes she had turned to middle-sized Lewis, with his eyes and hair
of no particular colour. She had always been aware when he was in the
most crowded room. Everybody had talked to her about him, believing
her to be his relation. They had all met him abroad; they had all some
grateful recollection of his services when they were ill, or where they
were strangers; they poured forth praises of him on all sides, till
Lilias felt her heart run over. Above even the attractions of six-feet,
had been the enthusiasm in her mind for the good and true. She did not
indeed want this enthusiasm to turn her thoughts to that first friend,
as she had called him in her heart, the first companion who had been
of her own choice and discovery, and whose absence had made to her a
wonderful blank, of which she felt the effect without fully realizing
the cause. But she realized the cause very well now: and felt the day
blank indeed in which he had no share.
Also she knew by instinct that something was to have been said to her
on that last evening. Was it merely his disappointment at finding his
favourite nook under the palms in the conservatory already occupied,
which prevented it being said? or was there some other cause? When they
left London so abruptly, two days before the appointed time, without
seeing Lewis, Lilias had been somewhat disturbed and wistful. She
had wondered at it, however, without being greatly cast down: there
was no fear, she thought, but that he would soon follow. He would
come after them to Murkley. What he had to say would be more fitly
said under the shadow of the great house, about which he too, like
herself, had dreamed dreams: he could not stay away, she felt sure.
And as for Margaret's opposition, that did not appal the young heroine
greatly. All it meant was that Margaret wanted a prince of the royal
blood for her child, and not even he unless he were handsome and
gallant, a youth to please a lady's eye. Lilias felt a little humorous
sympathy with Margaret: she felt that it would be hard for herself to
give up the idea of a hero. Lewis was not like a hero. He was like a
thousand other people, and nobody could identify him, or say, "who is
that?" as the owners of great dark eyes, and dark hair, at the top of
six-feet-two of stature, are ordinarily remarked upon. Lilias laughed
as this thought crossed her mind, and, with a little sympathetic
feeling, was sorry for Margaret. For herself she had ceased altogether
to think of the other, and she was not afraid that her sister would
stand out against Lewis. There would be a struggle: but a struggle in
which the happiness of a beloved child is at stake is decided before
it has begun. So on the whole, after finding this phantom life more
ghostly because there was no Lewis in it, she reflected that when he
came it would bloom into reality; and she was satisfied to bear it for
a little--until the better time should come.
But when day followed day, and the better time did not come, a curious
blight, like the atmospheric greyness which agricultural people call
by that name, crept slowly over her, she could scarcely tell how.
The earth looked as if a perpetual east-wind were blowing, yet as if
there was no air to breathe; the skies were all overcast, the trees
seemed to dry up and grow grey like everything else: and a certain air
of consciousness, a perception that this was so, seemed to come into
the house. Lilias perceived vaguely, as she went about with a heart
growing heavier and a dull wonder which went through everything, that
everybody was sorry for her. Why were they sorry for her? Jean said,
"My poor darling!" and petted her as if she had been ill. Old Simon
even put on a look of sympathy. In Margaret's eyes, there was something
the girl had never seen there before. Anger, compunction, pity--which
was it? All of these feelings were in it. Sometimes she would turn
away as if she could not bear the sight of Lilias, sometimes would be
so tender to her that the girl could have wept for herself. Why? for
Margaret had never made an exhibition of the adoration with which she
regarded her little sister, and it was only at some crisis that Lilias
was allowed to suspect how dear she was. They studied all her little
tastes, watched her steps, devoted themselves to please her: every
one of which indications showed Lilias more and more that they were
aware of something of which she was not aware, some reason why she
should be unhappy. And she became unhappy to fulfil the necessities of
the position. There was something which was being hid from her; what
was it? Was it that _he_ was only amiable and kind after all, and had
merely wished to be serviceable, without any other feeling? But, if
that was so, Margaret would be glad, not sorry; and how could they know
that this would make any difference to her, Lilias? But, if not that,
what could it be? And every day for many days she had expected to see
him, when she walked down to the water-side, or wandered about New
Murkley. She had thought that she would meet him round every corner,
that Adam at the 'Murkley Arms' would be seen with his cart going for
"the gentleman's" luggage, and Janet hanging the curtains and selecting
the finest trout. It seemed so natural that he should come back. It
seemed so certain that he must somehow seek the opportunity of telling
that tale that had been left untold.
And as the time passed on, day following slowly after day, and he came
not, Lilias felt that some explanation was necessary. There must be an
explanation. What was it? That Margaret had sent him away? Margaret's
eyes looked as if she had sent him away. Was it possible that he could
have taken his dismissal from any one but herself? Then it was that
Lilias had hot fits and cold fits of suppressed unhappiness. Sometimes
she would be angry with Margaret for rejecting, and with Lewis for
allowing himself to be rejected, and then would fall into a dreamy
sadness, saying to herself that it was always so, and that this was the
way of the world. But of all these troubles she said not a word, being
too proud to signify to any one that her heart was engrossed by one
who had not given her his. There were moments indeed in which she was
tempted to throw herself upon Jean's sympathetic bosom: but then she
recollected that Jean's story, such as it was, had been one of mutual
love, whereas hers could only be that of an unfortunate attachment,
words which made Lilias flame with resentment and shame. No, she must
just pine and wait until he made some sign, or shake it all indignantly
off, and make up her mind to think of it no more.
This was the state of affairs one afternoon when the next event in this
history occurred. They were all seated together in the drawing-room,
Jean, as usual, working at her table-cover, Margaret from behind her
book casting wistful looks now and then at Lilias, who for her part was
seated in one of the windows, in the recess, with her head relieved
against the light, doing nothing. She had a book, it is true, but was
not looking at it; her mind had turned inward. She was pondering her
own story, which was more interesting than any romance. Margaret gave
many glances at her as she sat, with her delicate profile and her
fair locks, against the afternoon light. The post was late, and Simon
brought the bag into the drawing-room, moving them all to a little
excitement. Margaret opened it and took out its sole contents, a large
blue envelope containing a bulky enclosure.
"There is nothing for either of you," she said, "but something of the
nature of business from Mr. Allenerly for me." Then the little flutter
of disappointed expectation calmed down, and silence fell again over
the room, broken only by the sound of the torn paper and breaking seal,
as Margaret opened her parcel. It was a law-document of some sort,
bulky and serious. Margaret looked at it, and gave a sharp, sudden cry,
which startled the others. The crackling of the paper as she unfolded
it seemed to make a noise of disproportionate importance in the
stillness of the room; for a law-paper, what could that mean but mere
business and money? it could affect nobody's well-being. But the paper,
they saw, trembled in Margaret's hands. She could not contain herself
as she turned it over. She burst forth into strange exclamations.
"It is only just: it is only right: it is no more than ought to be
done: it is the right thing: no more----" But after a while, she added,
as if the words were forced from her--"It is not everybody that would
have done it. I will not deny him the praise."
"What is it, Margaret? What is it?" Jean said.
Margaret made no immediate reply. She turned over the pages, which were
many, with hands that shook, and much crackling and rustling of the
paper.
"I cannot read it," she said; "I cannot see to read it. It makes my
head go round. Oh, no, it is no more than justice--it is just the right
thing; no more--no more----"
"Margaret, it is something far, far out of the ordinary, or you would
not cry out like that."
"Yes, it is out of the ordinary; but then the first thing, the wrong
doing, was out of the ordinary. This is no more--oh, not the least
more--than he ought to have done from the first."
She was so much agitated that her voice shook as well as her hands,
and Jean got up, throwing aside her work, and came to her sister's
side. Lilias rose too, she did not know why, and stood watching them
with an interest she could not explain to herself. Matters of business
were not of any interest to her generally. All the law-papers in the
world, in ordinary circumstances, would not have drawn her for a moment
from a book, or out of the dreamy moods which she called thinking. But
she rose now, full of an indefinable anxiety. When Jean had looked
anxiously over her sister's shoulder, peering at the paper with
wondering eyes for a few minutes, she too cried out with a quavering
voice, and threw up her hands.
"What does it mean? What does it mean, Margaret? That he wills it back
to her, is that what it says?"
"More than that! There's the letter that explains. He gives it back,
every penny of the money, as he received it. It is a great thing to do.
I am not grudging him the praise."
"Grudging him!--it is everything he has--it is all his living.
Margaret! You will not let her take it--everything he has?"
"Jean, be silent--he had no right to a shilling. It was hers by nature
and every law. I will not deny that, as soon as he saw his duty, he has
done it like a man."
"His duty?--but it is everything! and he was son and daughter both to
the old man. It is all his living: and neither you nor me ever thought
what was our duty to our father's father. Margaret! Oh! it is more than
justice this--more than justice! You will not let Lilias strip him of
every shilling that he has!"
This impassioned dialogue, quick and breathless, gave Lilias a kind of
half-enlightenment, kindling the instinct within her. She came forward
with a quick, sudden movement.
"If it concerns me, what is it?" she said.
"There would have been no need to tell her, if you could but have held
your tongue," cried Margaret to Jean, vehemently, "and now she will
insist to hear all."
"It is her right to hear everything," cried Jean, as eagerly. The
gentle woman was transformed. She was turned into a powerful opponent,
a determined champion. Her face was pale, but she was firmer than
Margaret herself.
"What is it?" cried Lilias, coming forward. It seemed to her that she
was on the edge of some great change, she could not tell what. Her
steps were a little uncertain, her looks a little wild. Strange fancies
and tremors touched her mind, she anticipated she knew not what. She
put out her hand for the papers. "If it concerns me, will you let me
see it?" she said.
"You would not understand," said Margaret, with a quiver of her lips.
"It is a law-paper; it is what they call a deed of gift. It is giving
you back, Lilias, all your old grandfather died possessed of. It is a
wonderful thing. He it was all left to--was perhaps not so ill a person
as we thought----"
"Ill!--he was never ill--he is just honour itself," cried Miss Jean,
"and righteousness and truth."
"I'm not grudging him his due. The person's name is Lewis Grantley that
was your grandfather's companion, and got all his money. His conscience
has troubled him. I will say nothing against him. At the last he has
done justice and given it all back."
"Is it only about money, then, after all?" Lilias said, with a
disappointed tone; then she looked again upon her sisters, in whose
agitation she read something further. "There is more than that!" she
cried.
"Jean, will you hold your tongue! Do you understand what I am saying
to you, Lilias? _All_ your grandfather's money, which has rankled at
our hearts since ever he died. Money!" said she--"it's a great fortune.
It makes you a great heiress--it restores the Murrays to their right
place--it makes wrong right. It is more than money, twenty times more;
it's family credit, it's restoration, it's your fit place. By the time
you come of age, with good guiding--listen to me, Lilias--you'll be
able to have your palace, to reign like a princess, to be just a queen
in your own country. Is it wonderful if it goes to my heart? It is more
than money--it is just new life for the family and for you."
"And in the mean time," said Miss Jean, who had been kept down almost
by physical force, Margaret grasping her by the arm and keeping her
back--"in the mean time, he that gives it--which he has no right to do,
for it was willed to him and intended for him by the man that owned it
all, and who was just as well able to judge as any of us--he will go
out into the world penniless; he will have to earn his bread, he does
not know where; he will have to give up everything that makes life
pleasant. And he has not the up-bringing for it, poor lad. He has lain
in the soft and drunk of the sweet all his life. It will be far harder
to him to give up than for us to do without it, that have never had it.
If you hear the one side, you must hear the other, Lilias."
Lilias, thus suddenly elevated into a judge, gazed at them both with
eyes in which wonder soon gave place to a higher sentiment. It had
never happened to her in her life before to be appealed to thus.
Margaret took up the word almost before Jean had finished. They
contended before her unconsciously like two advocates. She drew a chair
towards her, and sat down facing them, listening, a strange tumult
of different feelings in her mind. By this time the meaning of what
Margaret had said had begun to penetrate her intelligence. A great
fortune, a palace restored, a reign like a princess--Lilias was not
insensible to such hopes; but what was all this about a man who would
go out friendless upon the world?
"Stop a little," she said, "Margaret and Jean." The crisis had given
to Lilias an extreme dignity and calm. "There is one thing that I have
first to hear. The man that you are speaking of, that has done this,
who is he? Do I know him?" Lilias said.
They both returned the look with a sort of awe, and both were afraid.
They could not tell what might come of it; they had known her from her
cradle, and trained her to everything she knew, and yet, in the first
great emergency of her life, they neither of them knew what she would
do. They looked at her taking her first step alone in the world with a
troubled wonder. It was beyond them; they tried to influence the new
adventuress amid all these anomalies of existence, but, having said
what was in them of their own, were silent, afraid to reveal the one
fact upon which all hung, the one thing that must decide all. They
did not know how she would take it; they had no clue to the mysteries
of that heart which had opened into womanhood before their eyes, nay,
under their wings, taking warmth from them. Then Margaret spoke.
"It is right and fit," she said, "that Lilias should be the judge. I
would have taken it in my own hand, and saved her the pain and the
problem; but sooner or later she would have to know. Lilias, the man
that is your grandfather's heir is one that we are all acquainted with.
He came among us, I will not say with treachery, with what he thought a
good meaning. I will allow him all that. We thought very ill of him, me
in particular. I believed him a lickspittle, a creature that had fawned
to the old man, and got round him. Perhaps I was altogether mistaken:
I will acknowledge to you that I was mistaken in many things. And now
he has at last seen what was the root of the whole matter--he has seen
that from beginning to end the inheritance was clearly yours. I am not
denying that it is a great thing to do. Now that he sees it, he gives
it you back out of--I will allow it--a good heart. Here is the gift to
you."
Lilias waved the paper away; her voice was hoarse and weak.
"You don't say who it is. Oh! what do I care for all that? Who is he,
who is he, this man--"
"You must have divined it. He is just the young man you have known,
both here and in London, under the name of Murray, to which I always
said he had no right."
Upon this Lilias jumped up in a sudden access of excited feeling; her
blue eyes flashed, her fair hair shone against the light behind her
like a nimbus. She said not a word, nor left time for such in the
lightning speed of her movements, but, snatching the paper suddenly out
of Margaret's astonished hands, tore it across and yet across with the
action of a fury. Then she flung the fragments into her sister's lap,
and stamped her foot upon the ground.
"How dares he, how dares he," she cried, "send that to me! Oh! it is
to you, Margaret! and you would traffic in it; but it must come to
me in the end. Send him back his rags, if you please, or put them
in the fire, or do what you like with them. But never, never more,"
cried Lilias, "let them be named to me! Me take his money from him!--I
would sooner die! And if you do it, Margaret," she cried, advancing
closer, shaking her little fist in her sister's face, "if you do it, I
will just disown it the moment I am old enough. Oh, how dared he, how
dared he send that to me!" Then the height of her excitement dropped,
her tone changed, she began to cry like a child. "So that is what
he has been doing, that! instead of coming--and me that wanted him
so!" Lilias cried, piteously, her lips quivering. She who had been a
dignified judge of the highest morals, and an impassioned actor in one
of the gravest difficulties of life within the last ten minutes, sank
down a little sobbing girl, struck with the keen barb of a child's
disappointment, that infinite sharpness of despair which is to last
for ever. To think that he should have been occupied with matters like
this and not come to her! She was barely eighteen. The great and the
small were still confused in her mind. "And me that wanted him so!" she
repeated, with that little piteous quiver of her lips, and a sob coming
at intervals.
The two ladies sat and gazed at her without a word to say. They
exchanged a look. If there was a little subdued triumph in the soft
eyes of Jean, they were not for that the less bewildered. Lilias had
solved the whole question, not by the tearing up of the paper, which
was so easily renewed again, but all unconsciously by that childlike,
piteous complaint. Margaret, in the look which she cast upon her
sister, acknowledged it as much as Jean did. There was nothing more to
say.