_He ridicules the absurdity of one Catius, who placed the summit of
human felicity in the culinary art_.
Whence, and whither, Catius? I have not time [to converse with you],
being desirous of impressing on my memory some new precepts; such as
excel Pythagoras, and him that was accused by Anytus, and the learned
Plato. I acknowledge my offense, since I have interrupted you at so
unlucky a juncture: but grant me your pardon, good sir, I beseech you.
If any thing should have slipped you now, you will presently recollect
it: whether this talent of yours be of nature, or of art, you are
amazing in both. Nay, but I was anxious, how I might retain all [these
precepts]; as being things of a delicate nature, and in a delicate
style. Tell me the name of this man; and at the same time whether he is
a Roman, or a foreigner? As I have them by heart, I will recite the
precepts: the author shall be concealed.
Remember to serve up those eggs that are of an oblong make, as being of
sweeter flavor and more nutritive than the round ones: for, being
tough-shelled, they contain a male yelk. Cabbage that grows in dry
lands, is sweeter than that about town: nothing is more insipid than a
garden much watered. If a visitor should come unexpectedly upon you in
the evening, lest the tough old hen prove disagreeable to his palate,
you must learn to drown it in Falernian wine mixed [with water]: this
will make it tender. The mushrooms that grow in meadows, are of the best
kind: all others are dangerously trusted. That man shall spend his
summers healthy who shall finish his dinners with mulberries black [with
ripeness], which he shall have gathered from the tree before the sun
becomes violent. Aufidius used to mix honey with strong Falernian
injudiciously; because it is right to commit nothing to the empty veins,
but what is emollient: you will, with more propriety, wash your stomach
with soft mead. If your belly should be hard bound, the limpet and
coarse cockles will remove obstructions, and leaves of the small sorrel;
but not without Coan white wine. The increasing moons swell the
lubricating shell-fish. But every sea is not productive of the exquisite
sorts. The Lucrine muscle is better than the Baian murex: [The best]
oysters come from the Circaean promontory; cray-fish from Misenum: the
soft Tarentum plumes herself on her broad escalops. Let no one
presumptuously arrogate to himself the science of banqueting, unless the
nice doctrine of tastes has been previously considered by him with exact
system. Nor is it enough to sweep away a parcel of fishes from the
expensive stalls, [while he remains] ignorant for what sort stewed sauce
is more proper, and what being roasted, the sated guest will presently
replace himself on his elbow. Let the boar from Umbria, and that which
has been fed with the acorns of the scarlet oak, bend the round dishes
of him who dislikes all flabby meat: for the Laurentian boar, fattened
with flags and reeds, is bad. The vineyard does not always afford the
most eatable kids. A man of sense will be fond of the shoulders of a
pregnant hare. What is the proper age and nature of fish and fowl,
though inquired after, was never discovered before my palate. There are
some, whose genius invents nothing but new kinds of pastry. To waste
one's care upon one thing, is by no means sufficient; just as if any
person should use all his endeavors for this only, that the wine be not
bad; quite careless what oil he pours upon his fish. If you set out
Massic wine in fair weather, should there be any thing thick in it, it
will be attenuated by the nocturnal air, and the smell unfriendly to the
nerves will go off: but, if filtrated through linen, it will lose its
entire flavor. He, who skillfully mixes the Surrentine wine with
Falernian lees, collects the sediment with a pigeon's egg: because the
yelk sinks to the bottom, rolling down with it all the heterogeneous
parts. You may rouse the jaded toper with roasted shrimps and African
cockles; for lettuce after wine floats upon the soured stomach: by ham
preferably, and by sausages, it craves to be restored to its appetite:
nay, it will prefer every thing which is brought smoking hot from the
nasty eating-houses. It is worth while to be acquainted with the two
kinds of sauce. The simple consists of sweet oil; which it will be
proper to mix with rich wine and pickle, but with no other pickle than
that by which the Byzantine jar has been tainted. When this, mingled
with shredded herbs, has boiled, and sprinkled with Corycian saffron,
has stood, you shall over and above add what the pressed berry of the
Venafran olive yields. The Tiburtian yield to the Picenian apples in
juice, though they excel in look. The Venusian grape is proper for
[preserving in] pots. The Albanian you had better harden in the smoke. I
am found to be the first that served up this grape with apples in neat
little side-plates, to be the first [likewise that served up] wine-lees
and herring-brine, and white pepper finely mixed with black salt. It is
an enormous fault to bestow three thousand sesterces on the fish-market,
and then to cramp the roving fishes in a narrow dish. It causes a great
nausea in the stomach, if even the slave touches the cup with greasy
hands, while he licks up snacks, or if offensive grime has adhered to
the ancient goblet. In trays, in mats, in sawdust, [that are so] cheap,
what great expense can there be? But, if they are neglected, it is a
heinous shame. What, should you sweep Mosaic pavements with a dirty
broom made of palm, and throw Tyrian carpets over the unwashed furniture
of your couch! forgetting, that by how much less care and expense these
things are attended, so much the more justly may [the want of them] be
censured, than of those things which can not be obtained but at the
tables of the rich?
Learned Catius, entreated by our friendship and the gods, remember to
introduce me to an audience [with this great man], whenever you shall go
to him. For, though by your memory you relate every thing to me, yet as
a relater you can not delight me in so high a degree. Add to this the
countenance and deportment of the man; whom you, happy in having seen,
do not much regard, because it has been your lot: but I have no small
solicitude, that I may approach the distant fountain-heads, and imbibe
the precepts of [such] a blessed life.
* * * * *