_On Frugality_.
What and how great is the virtue to live on a little (this is no
doctrine of mine, but what Ofellus the peasant, a philosopher without
rules and of a home-spun wit, taught me), learn, my good friends, not
among dishes and splendid tables; when the eye is dazzled with the vain
glare, and the mind, intent upon false appearances, refuses [to admit]
better things; but here, before dinner, discuss this point with me. Why
so? I will inform you, if I can. Every corrupted judge examines badly
the truth. After hunting the hare, or being wearied by an unruly horse,
or (if the Roman exercise fatigues you, accustomed to act the Greek)
whether the swift ball, while eagerness softens and prevents your
perceiving the severity of the game, or quoits (smite the yielding air
with the quoit) when exercise has worked of squeamishness, dry and
hungry, [then let me see you] despise mean viands; and don't drink
anything but Hymettian honey qualified with Falernian wine. Your butler
is abroad, and the tempestuous sea preserves the fish by its wintery
storms; bread and salt will sufficiently appease an importunate stomach.
Whence do you think this happens? and how is it obtained? The consummate
pleasure is not in the costly flavor, but in yourself. Do you seek for
sauce by sweating. Neither oysters, nor scar, nor the far-fetched
lagois, can give any pleasure to one bloated and pale through
intemperance. Nevertheless, if a peacock were served up, I should hardly
be able to prevent your gratifying the palate with that, rather than a
pullet, since you are prejudiced by the vanities of things; because the
scarce bird is bought with gold, and displays a fine sight with its
painted tail, as if that were anything to the purpose. "What; do you eat
that plumage, which you extol? or has the bird the same beauty when
dressed?" Since however there is no difference in the meat, in one
preferably to the other; it is manifest that you are imposed upon by the
disparity of their appearances. Be it so.
By what gift are you able to distinguish, whether this lupus, that now
opens its jaws before us, was taken in the Tiber, or in the sea? whether
it was tossed between the bridges or at the mouth of the Tuscan river?
Fool, you praise a mullet, that weighs three pounds; which you are
obliged to cut into small pieces. Outward appearances lead you, I see.
To what intent then do you contemn large lupuses? Because truly these
are by nature bulky, and those very light. A hungry stomach seldom
loathes common victuals. O that I could see a swingeing mullet extended
on a swingeing dish! cries that gullet, which is fit for the voracious
harpies themselves. But O [say I] ye southern blasts, be present to
taint the delicacies of the [gluttons]: though the boar and turbot
newly taken are rank, when surfeiting abundance provokes the sick
stomach; and when the sated guttler prefers turnips and sharp
elecampane. However, all [appearance of] poverty is not quite banished
from the banquets of our nobles; for there is, even at this day, a place
for paltry eggs and black olives. And it was not long ago, since the
table of Gallonius, the auctioneer, was rendered infamous, by having a
sturgeon, [served whole upon it]. What? was the sea at that time less
nutritive of turbots? The turbot was secure and the stork unmolested in
her nest; till the praetorian [Sempronius], the inventor, first taught
you [to eat them]. Therefore, if any one were to give it out that
roasted cormorants are delicious, the Roman youth, teachable in
depravity, would acquiesce, in it.
In the judgment of Ofellus, a sordid way of living will differ widely
from frugal simplicity. For it is to no purpose for you to shun that
vice [of luxury]; if you perversely fly to the contrary extreme.
Avidienus, to whom the nickname of Dog is applied with propriety, eats
olives of five years old, and wild cornels, and can not bear to rack off
his wine unless it be turned sour, and the smell of his oil you can not
endure: which (though clothed in white he celebrates the wedding
festival, his birthday, or any other festal days) he pours out himself
by little and little from a horn cruet, that holds two pounds, upon his
cabbage, [but at the same time] is lavish enough of his old vinegar.
What manner of living therefore shall the wise man put in practice, and
which of these examples shall he copy? On one side the wolf presses on,
and the dog on the other, as the saying is. A person will be accounted
decent, if he offends not by sordidness, and is not despicable through
either extreme of conduct. Such a man will not, after the example, of
old Albutius, be savage while he assigns to his servants their
respective offices; nor, like simple Naevius, will he offer greasy water
to his company: for this too is a great fault.
Now learn what and how great benefits a temperate diet will bring along
with it. In the first place, you will enjoy good health; for you may
believe how detrimental a diversity of things is to any man, when you
recollect that sort of food, which by its simplicity sat so well upon
your stomach some time ago. But, when you have once mixed boiled and
roast together, thrushes and shell-fish; the sweet juices will turn
into bile, and a thick phlegm will bring a jarring upon the stomach. Do
not you see, how pale each guest rises from a perplexing variety of
dishes at an entertainment. Beside this, the body, overloaded with the
debauch of yesterday, depresses the mind along with it, and dashes to
the earth that portion of the divine spirit. Another man, as soon as he
has taken a quick repast, and rendered up his limbs to repose, rises
vigorous to the duties of his calling. However, he may sometimes have
recourse to better cheer; whether the returning year shall bring on a
festival, or if he have a mind to refresh his impaired body; and when
years shall approach, and feeble age require to be used more tenderly.
But as for you, if a troublesome habit of body, or creeping old age,
should come upon you, what addition can be made to that soft indulgence,
which you, now in youth and in health anticipate?
Our ancestors praised a boar when it was stale not because they had no
noses; but with this view, I suppose, that a visitor coming later than
ordinary [might partake of it], though a little musty, rather than the
voracious master should devour it all himself while sweet. I wish that
the primitive earth had produced me among such heroes as these.
Have you any regard for reputation, which affects the human ear more
agreeably than music? Great turbots and dishes bring great disgrace
along with them, together with expense. Add to this, that your relations
and neighbors will be exasperated at you, while you will be at enmity
with yourself and desirous of death in vain, since you will not in your
poverty have three farthings left to purchase a rope withal. Trausius,
you say, may with justice be called to account in such language as this;
but I possess an ample revenue, and wealth sufficient for three
potentates, Why then have you no better method of expending your
superfluities? Why is any man, undeserving [of distressed
circumstances], in want, while you abound: How comes it to pass, that
the ancient temples of the gods are falling to ruin? Why do not you,
wretch that you are, bestow something on your dear country, out of so
vast a hoard? What, will matters always go well with you alone? O thou,
that hereafter shalt be the great derision of thine enemies! which of
the two shall depend upon himself in exigences with most certainty? He
who has used his mind and high-swollen body to redundancies; or he who,
contented with a little and provident for the future, like a Wise man
in time of peace, shall make the necessary preparations for war?
That you may the more readily give credit to these things: I myself,
when a little boy, took notice that this Ofellua did not use his
unencumbered estate more profusely, than he does now it is reduced. You
may see the sturdy husbandman laboring for hire in the land [once his
own, but now] assigned [to others], with his cattle and children,
talking to this effect; I never ventured to eat any thing on a work-day
except pot-herbs, with a hock of smoke-dried bacon. And when a friend
came to visit me after a long absence, or a neighbor, an acceptable
guest to me resting from work on account of the rain, we lived well; not
on fishes fetched from the city, but on a pullet and a kid: then a dried
grape, and a nut, with a large fig, set off our second course. After
this, it was our diversion to have no other regulation in our cups, save
that against drinking to excess; then Ceres worshiped [with a libation],
that the corn might arise in lofty stems, smoothed with wine the
melancholy of the contracted brow. Let fortune rage, and stir up new
tumults what can she do more to impair my estate? How much more savingly
have either I lived, or how much less neatly have you gone, my children,
since this new possessor came? For nature has appointed to be lord of
this earthly property, neither him, nor me, nor any one. He drove us
out: either iniquity or ignorance in the quirks of the law shall [do the
same] him: certainly in the end his long lived heir shall expel him. Now
this field under the denomination of Umbrenus', lately it was Ofellus',
the perpetual property of no man; for it turns to my use one while, and
by and by to that of another. Wherefore, live undaunted; and oppose
gallant breasts against the strokes of adversity.
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