THE
LAST OF THE MORTIMERS.
A Story in Two Voices.
BY
MRS. OLIPHANT,
AUTHOR OF
“MADONNA MARY,” “FOR LOVE AND LIFE,” “SQUIRE ARDEN,”
“MAY,” “THE HOUSE ON THE MOOR,” ETC., ETC.
NEW EDITION.
WARD, LOCK, AND CO.,
LONDON, NEW YORK, AND MELBOURNE.
[_All rights reserved._]
CONTENTS.
PART I.
PAGE
THE LADIES AT THE HALL 1
PART II.
THE LIEUTENANT’S WIFE 48
PART III.
THE LADIES AT THE HALL--_continued_ 105
PART IV.
THE LIEUTENANT’S WIFE--_continued_ 166
PART V.
THE LADIES AT THE HALL--_continued_ 227
POSTSCRIPT 365
[Illustration: text decoration]
THE LAST OF THE MORTIMERS.
PART I.
THE LADIES AT THE HALL.
CHAPTER I.
I thought I heard a slight rustle, as if Sarah had taken off her
spectacles, but I was really so interested in the matter which I was
then discussing with Mr. Cresswell, our solicitor, that I did not look
round, as I certainly should have done in any other circumstances; but
imagine my utter amazement and the start which Mr. Cresswell gave,
nearly upsetting the ink on the drab table-cover, which never _could_
have got the better of it, when my sister Sarah, who never speaks except
to me, and then only in a whisper, pronounced distinctly, loud out, the
following words: “His Christian name was Richard Arkwright; he was
called after the cotton-spinner; that was the chief thing against him in
my father’s days.”
Now it was years and years ago since Sarah had lost her voice. It
happened before my father died, when we were both comparatively young
people; she had been abroad with him and caught a violent cold on her
way home. She was rather proud in those days--it was before she took to
knitting--and she had not forgotten then that she was once a beauty.
When she saw that her voice was gone for good, Sarah gave up talking.
She declared to me privately that to keep up a conversation in that
hoarse horrid whisper was more than she could give in to, and though she
was a very good Christian in principle she never could be resigned to
that loss. At first she kept upstairs in her own room; but after my
father’s death she came regularly to the drawing-room, giving everybody
to understand that she was not to be spoken to. Poor dear old soul! she
was as anxious to hear everything that was said to me as if she had come
down off her stilts and taken part in the conversation; but you may
suppose what a startling event it was to hear Sarah’s voice.
I gave a jump, as was natural, and ran to her to see what had happened.
“Do be cautious, Milly,” she said, fretfully, in her old whisper; for to
be sure I had whisked down her ball of worsted, and caught one of her
pins in my new-fashioned buttonholes. “At your age a gentlewoman should
move about in a different sort of way. I am quite well, thank you.
Please to go back to your occupation, and leave me to carry on mine in
peace.”
“But Sarah, my dear soul! you’ve got back your voice!” cried I.
Sarah smiled at me, not with her pretty smile. “People who are strong
are always thinking such things,” she said. “You don’t know what it is
to be afflicted; go back to your business, please.”
“What does she say, Miss Milly?” cried Mr. Cresswell, quite eagerly,
when I went back to the table.
“Oh, nothing at all; it’s all a mistake, I suppose,” said I, feeling a
little nettled, “put it down all the same. I dare say it was one of
those spirits we hear about nowadays. And a very useful bit of
information too, which makes it all the more remarkable, for I never
heard they did much good in that way. Richard Arkwright! Of all the
names I ever heard, the oddest name for a Mortimer! but put it down.”
Mr. Cresswell put it down as I said. “Richard Arkwright Mortimer is
something more of an individual than Blank Mortimer, Esq., that’s true,”
said he; “he ought to be something with that name. Begging your pardon,
Miss Milly, though he was a Mortimer, he ought to have had either a
profession or a trade with that name. Don’t you think now,” he said,
lowering his voice, and making a sign at Sarah over his shoulder, “after
having broken the ice, something more might be got out of _her_?”
I shook my head at first, being angry; then I nodded as I came to
myself, and at last said--it was all I could say--“We’ll see.”
“Ah, ah, we’ll see--that’ll do, Miss Milly; but don’t lose your temper,
my dear lady,” said Mr. Cresswell; “all the county reverences you for an
angelic temper, as you well know.”
“Stuff!” said I; “I’ve too much Welsh blood in me for that; but a pack
of interlopers, like the rest of you, never know the real mettle of them
that come of the soil; we’re as clear of the soil as the ore in the
Llangollen mines, we Mortimers; we can do what we have to do, whatever
it may be.”
Mr. Cresswell cast up his eyebrows a little, and gave a kind of glance
towards Sarah and her knitting. “Well, well, it isn’t bad ore, at all
events,” he said, with a chuckle: “but, after all, I suppose the first
squire was not dug out of Llewellyn cliff?”
“It will be a vast deal more profitable to find out where the next
squire is to come from,” said I; “we are old women both of us; I’d
advise you to set things agoing without delay. What would happen, do you
suppose, if Sarah and I were both to die without finding an heir? What
does happen, by the bye, when such a thing occurs; does it go to the
crown?”
“My dear lady, I would not give much for the crown’s chance,” said
Cresswell, with, a little shrug of his shoulders. “Heirs-at-law are
never so far lost or mislaid but they turn up some time. Birds of the
air carry the matter when there’s an estate in question. There’s nothing
so safe to be found, in my humble opinion, as an heir-at-law.”
“For I shouldn’t much mind,” said I to myself, thinking over it, “if it
went to the Queen. She might fix on the park for autumn quarters, sure,
as well as on that outlandish Scotch castle of hers. It’s a great deal
nearer, and I make sure it’s prettier; or if she gave it to the Prince
of Wales as a present, or to any of the other children, I should not
mind for my part. It is not by any means so bad a prospect as I
supposed--it might go to the Queen.”
“But, then, what would be done with Mr. Richard Arkwright and his
progeny? I’ll be bound he has ten children,” said Mr. Cresswell.
“Somebody did leave Her Majesty an estate not so very long ago, and I
rather think she sought out the heirs and made it up to them. Depend
upon it, Mr. Richard Arkwright would have it out of her. Come, we must
stick to the Mortimers, Miss Milly. I’ll go off and see after the
advertisements; there’s plenty of time. I don’t believe you mean to be
in any hurry out of this world, either Miss Sarah or you.”
“That’s as it may be--that’s as God pleases,” said I; “but you must wait
a little first, and I’ll see if I can find out anything further about
him. Perhaps some one can think on; we’ll see, we’ll see; more may
come.”
Mr. Cresswell nodded his head confidentially. “You don’t remember
anything about him yourself?” he said.
“Bless you, I am ten years younger than she is,” said I; “she was a
young lady, I was only a child. I neither knew nor cared anything about
the Lancashire cousin. Ten years make a great deal of difference when
people are young.”
“And when they’re old as well,” said Cresswell, with a little nod of his
head. Mr. Cresswell, of course, like all the other people, would never
have looked at me when Sarah was present in old days; but now, when we
were both old women, the sly old lawyer had wheeled about, and was
rather an admirer of mine. I have had admirers since I was fifty; I
never had many before.
“Now, are you going to stay to tea?” said I.
“Thank you. I have not the least doubt it would be for my own advantage;
my cook is not to be named in the same breath with yours; but I promised
to be home to dinner,” said Mr. Cresswell. “Thank you all the same; Sara
will be waiting for me.”
“And how is the dear child?” said I.
“Very contrairy,” said Mr. Cresswell, shaking his head. “To tell the
truth, I don’t know what to make of her. I had twenty minds to bring her
to-day and leave her with you.”
“Bring her next time. I never find her contrairy,” said I. “But perhaps
_you_ never were young yourself?”
“Perhaps not, Miss Milly,” he said. “I have had a pretty tough life,
anyhow; and it is hard to be thwarted at the last by the only creature
one has to love.”
“It is harder not to have a single creature that one has a right to
love,” said I a little sharply. “If we had your Sara belonging to us,
contrairy or not, we should not have to hunt up a far-off cousin, or
advertise for an heir.”
A little passing gleam shot from the solicitor’s eye; he looked at me
close for a moment, and then at Sarah, with a lip that moved slightly,
as if he were unconsciously saying something within himself; I saw what
it was as clear as daylight.
“She’s a good girl,” he said, faltering a little. “I daresay you’d soon
have her in hand, Miss Milly; there’s no place she is so fond of as the
Park; I’ll bring her out to-morrow.”
And he went away, never thinking that I had seen what was in his mind.
CHAPTER II.
Our drawing-room was a very large one. The Mortimers had required large
rooms in their day; and I will not say, if we had been young people, and
disposed to have company, that we could not have kept it up with any of
them; for my father, who lived in a very homely way, proud as he was,
had laid up a good deal, and so had we. But though we kept no company,
we had not the heart to turn the Mortimer family, of which we were the
only remaining representatives, out of their old room. So we had a great
screen, made of stamped leather, and which was like everything else, of
my grandmother’s days, stretched behind Sarah’s chair, and with a very
large bright fire, and a good lamp upon the round table, we managed to
find the fireside very comfortable, though we were surrounded by all the
ranges of old furniture in the old half-dark room. Old Ellis had to come
stumbling as slowly as if the distance had been half a mile between us
and the door, when he came into the room with anything; and I dare say
impatient young people could not have put up with the rumble of chairs
rolled aside, and footstools tripped over, with which he always gave us
warning of his coming. For my part I was used to it, and took no notice.
Where I sat, the prospect before me was, first, Sarah in her easy chair,
close within shade of the screen, and beyond a darkling stretch of
space, which a stranger might have made very mysterious, but which I
knew perfectly well to be filled with just so many tables, chairs,
ottomans, and miscellaneous articles, not one of which could have been
stolen away without being missed. On the other side of the room, behind
my own chair, was a grand piano in a corner and another waste of old
furniture. Many people wondered why we did not make a cosy little
sitting-room of the boudoir, which had never been used since my mother’s
days. But Sarah, and I may say myself also, was of a different way of
thinking. We liked the big room which once had not been at all too big
for the Mortimers, and I am not sure that I did not even like the dark
bit on either side of us, and the two big old-fashioned mirrors, like
magic mirrors in a fairy tale, with a faint trembling of light over
them, and all the shadowy depths of the room standing out in them, as if
to double the size, which was already so much too great. Sometimes I
used to stand and watch myself going across one of those big mirrors. It
was a strange weird creature wandering about among the still, silent,
deserted household gods. It was not surely me.
Not that I mean to represent myself as a sentimental person--not in the
very slightest degree. I am past fifty and stout. My own opinion is that
people had best be stout when they are past fifty, and I like my own
little comforts as well as anybody of my years. When I was young I was
far from being pretty. If I am to state frankly my own ideas on this
subject, I would say that I think I might have passed for moderately
good-looking, if I had not been sister to a beauty. But when we two were
described as the beautiful Miss Mortimer and the plain Miss Mortimer,
you may suppose how any little poor pretensions of mine were snubbed at
once. To be good-looking was something not expected from Sarah’s sister.
But however the tables have rather turned of late. If you asked little
Sara Cresswell, for example, who was the pretty Miss Mortimer, I do
believe the dear child would say, with the greatest of innocence, “Miss
Milly.” At our time of life it doesn’t matter very much, to be sure; but
dear, dear, vanity does lie deep! I declare honestly it’s a pleasure to
me.
When Sarah and I are by ourselves, we don’t have a great deal of
conversation. She has lost her voice, as I said, which makes her decline
talking: and I must say, though she never yields to acknowledge it, that
I think she’s lost her hearing a little, poor dear old soul! Every night
in her life (except Sundays) she reads the Times. That paper gets great
abuse in many quarters, especially in the country, where our old
Squires, to be sure, are always at it for changing its opinions; but I
say, great success, and long life to the Times! that is my opinion. How
ever Sarah would get over those long evenings without that paper, I
don’t know. It quite keeps us in reading; and I do assure you, we know
much more about most things that are going on than a great many _men_
do, who are much more in the world. The Times comes in early, but Sarah
never looks at it till after tea. I have to keep out of her sight,
indeed, when I glance over it myself in the early part of the day, for
Sarah does not approve of daylight reading. She thinks it a waste of
time. We have not such a very great deal to occupy us either, as you may
suppose; at least Sarah has little, except her knitting, for she will
rarely allow me to consult her anything about the property, though she
is the eldest. I wonder for my part that she does not weary of her life.
She never comes down to breakfast, and I don’t know very well what she
and Carson find to busy themselves about till noon in her room upstairs;
but at twelve o’clock punctually she comes down all dressed for the day.
She does not dress as I do, in the ordinary dress that everybody wears,
neither are Sarah’s fashions the same as I remember in our youth, when
our waists were just under our arms, and our gowns had “gores” in them.
On the contrary, she has taken to a very long waist and tight sleeves,
with a worked muslin shawl or scarf over her shoulders. In cold weather
the muslin is lined with silk of delicate colours, and her cap, which is
always light and pretty (Carson has great taste), trimmed to correspond.
Her hair, of course, she _always_ wears in curls at the front. It is
quite silver-white, and her face, poor dear soul, is a little pinched
and sharp nowadays. When she takes her seat within shelter of the screen
at twelve o’clock every day, the muslin shawl, lined with peach, is as
pretty as possible in itself: to be sure Sara Cresswell might almost
wear it to a ball; but I do declare I thought it looked very chilly
to-day on Sarah. Nice white Shetland for instance, which is almost as
pretty as lace, or, indeed, one of those beautiful soft fine woollen
shawls, would look a great deal better over that purple silk gown, if
she could only think so. But to be sure, Sarah will have her own way.
There she sat knitting all the time Mr. Cresswell was talking with me,
and there she does sit all day long with her basket of wools, and
knitting-pins, and patterns. Every other day she takes a drive, goes to
church once on Sundays, and reads the Times on all the week evenings.
That is exactly how she lives.
Now perhaps this does not appear so odd to anybody else as it does to
me; and I am sure I might have got used to it after a dozen years; but
only Sarah, you see, has very good abilities, and is not the person to
fix herself down like this. And she knows a great deal more of life than
I do. My father and she were, I think, near upon ten years abroad after
my mother died. What she was doing all that time I know no more than
Carson does. Many a rumour went about that she was married, and many an
anxious hour I had all by myself at the Park. But when she came back
just Miss Mortimer, there was not a soul in the county but was
surprised. Such a great beauty! and papa’s eldest daughter and
co-heiress! people said it was unaccountable. I can’t say _I_ thought it
unaccountable. I never saw anybody that I could fancy myself, except
perhaps----, and then _he_ never asked me, you know. It might be
precisely the same with Sarah, though she was a beauty. But the wonder
to me is that after having lived abroad so long, and having, as I have
no doubt she had, a life of her own, which did not merely belong to my
father’s daughter, she should just have settled down like this. Many and
many a time have I thought it all over, sitting opposite to her of an
evening, when tea was over and she was reading the Times. There she sat
quite straight up, her muslin shawl with the peach-bottom lining
dropping down a little over her shoulders, and her thin hands in their
black lace mits holding the paper. She had never reposed any confidence
in me, you see. _I_ did not know what might have happened to her when
she was out upon the big waves of life. I dare say many a time when I
wondered why she took no interest in my affairs, she was back upon that
reserve of her own which I knew nothing about. But the odd thing to me
is, that after having really had something that one could call a life,
something happening to her own self,--don’t you know what I mean?--she
should have settled down so fixed and motionless here.
We dined early, which was a prejudice of mine; but as Sarah had a very
uncertain appetite, we had always “something” to tea, which was the
cause of Mr. Cresswell’s allusion to our cook Evans. Further, we
indulged ourselves by having this substantial tea in the drawing-room,
which we never left after our early dinner. When tea was over on the
night of Mr. Cresswell’s visit, I had some little matters to do which
kept me about the room, going from one place to another. As I stood in
the shadow looking at the bright fire and lamp, and Sarah reading in her
easy chair, I could not prevent a great many inquiries rising in my
mind. What was Cousin Richard Arkwright Mortimer to her, for example? He
had not been at the Park, nor heard of, so far as I know, for forty
years. And then about her voice? On the whole it was very curious. I
resolved to try hard for some conversation with Sarah, after she had
done with the Times, that night.
CHAPTER III.
It was not a very easy matter to draw Sarah into a conversation,
especially in the evening. I had to watch my opportunity very carefully.
At ten exactly the door opened in the dark distance, and Ellis came
rumbling along through the dim depths behind the screen with the sherry
and biscuits. Just at the same moment Sarah smoothed out the paper
carefully, laid it down, as she always did, on the top of her
wool-basket, and held out her hands to warm them at the fire. They were
very thin hands in their black lace mits, and they were a little
rheumatic sometimes, though she did not like to confess it. She kept
rubbing them slowly before the fire.
I poured out her glass of sherry, put the plate of biscuits within her
reach, and drew my chair nearer, that I might be sure of hearing what
she said. Sarah took no notice of my movements; she rubbed diligently
one of her forefingers, the joints of which were a little enlarged, and
never so much as glanced at me.
“Did you ever know anything about this cousin Richard of ours, Sarah?”
said I.
She did not answer just for a moment, but kept on rubbing her
forefinger; when that was finished she answered, “I knew a good deal
about him once. I would have married him if they had let me, in the old
times.”
I was so thunderstruck by this unexpected frankness that I scarcely knew
what to say. At last I stumbled out somehow--“You would have married
him!” with a kind of inexpressible amazement; and she saying it so
calmly too!
“Yes,” said Sarah, rubbing her middle finger thoughtfully, “he was
young, and fresh-looking, and good-tempered. I dare say I could have
liked him if they had let me; it is quite true.”
“And would they not let you?” cried I, in my eagerness, thinking that
perhaps Sarah was going to confide in me at last.
“No,” she said, pursing up her lips. She seemed to echo the “no” after,
in the little nod she gave her head, but she said nothing more.
“And Sarah, tell me, please, if you don’t mind, was it because of his
means?” cried I; “was he not rich enough?”
“You don’t know anything about these affairs, Milly,” said Sarah, a
little scornfully. “I don’t mind in the least. He was exactly such a man
as would have taken your fancy. When I saw him, five years after, I was
glad enough they did not let me; though it might have saved a deal of
trouble too,” she said to herself in a kind of sigh.
I don’t know how I managed to hear those last words. I am sure she did
not think I heard them. You may suppose I grew more curious with every
word she spoke.
“And where was it you met him five years after; was it abroad?” said I,
with a little flutter in my voice.
I cannot think she was very sharp in her hearing. She gave a little
glance up at me, noticing that I paused before the last word; and then
seeing me look a little frightened and conscious, she drew herself up
all at once, and stopped rubbing her fingers.
“Do you mean to cross-question _me_, Milly?” she cried, giving a stamp
with her foot. “Do you mean to rummage into my affairs and find me out
by your questions? You are very much mistaken, I can tell you. I am just
as willing as any one that Richard Mortimer should be found out. In
making your new heir you shall have no opposition from me.”
“Why, bless us all, Sarah!” said I, “it was your own idea.”
“Very well,” she said, with a little confused heat of manner; “why do
you imply that I have any objection? One would suppose, to hear you,
that you were trying to find out some secrets of mine.”
“I never knew you had any secrets to find out,” said I, sharply. I knew
quite well I was aggravating her, but one must take one’s own part.
She did not make any answer. She got up on her feet, and drew her muslin
shawl round her. There was a little nervous tremble about her head and
hands; she often had it, but I marked it more than ever to-night. I
thought at first she was going away without her sherry, but she thought
better of that. However, she went a few steps behind the screen to put
her basket aside, a thing she never did; and I think I can see her now,
as I saw her in the big mirror, drawing the fingers of one hand through
the other, and gliding along through the dark room, all reflected from
head to foot in the great glass, with her peach-blossom ribbons nodding
tremulously over her grey hair, and her white muslin shawl drawn over
her shoulders. Her face, as I saw it in the mirror, had a cloud and
agitation upon it, but was set with a fixed smile upon the lips, and a
strange, settled, passionate determination. I could no more penetrate
what it meant than I could tell why Sarah was angry. It was something
within herself that made her so, nothing that I had done or said.
After she was gone I dropped into my chair, and sat there wondering and
pondering till the fire had nearly gone out, and the great room was
lying blank and chill in the darkness. Now that my thoughts were
directed into this channel--and it was very strange to me that they
never had been so before--there were a thousand things to think of. When
Sarah was twenty and I only ten there was a wonderful difference to be
sure between us, and not a great deal less when Sarah was thirty and I
twenty; but from that time it had been growing less by degrees, so that
we really did not feel nowadays any great difference in our age. But I
was only fourteen when my mother died. I had never, of course, been able
to share in any of the gaieties, being only in the schoolroom, and
certainly never dreamed of criticising my big sister, whom I thought
everything that was beautiful and splendid. Then my father and she went
away and left me. The Park was let, and I lived with my godmother. I
almost forgot that I had a father and sister in the world. They seldom
wrote, and we lived entirely out of the world, and never heard even in
gossip of the goings on at Rome and Naples, and what place the beautiful
Miss Mortimer took there. They came home at last quite suddenly, in the
depth of winter. Naturally Sarah had caught a very bad cold. She kept
her own room for a very long time after and never saw anybody. Then she
lost her voice. I remember I took it quite for granted at the time that
it was her cold and the loss of her voice that made her shut herself
up; but I must say that once or twice since I have had a little doubt on
that subject. She was then not much past five-and-thirty, a very
handsome woman. My father lived many years after, but they never, though
they had been great companions for so long before, seemed to be at ease
in each other’s presence. They never even sat down to dinner together
when they could help it. Since then, to be sure, Sarah had begun to live
more with me; but what a life it was! I had the concerns of the property
to occupy me, and things to manage; besides, I was always out and about
in the village and among the neighbours; and still more, I was quite a
different woman from Sarah, more homely-like, and had never been out in
the world. I wouldn’t for anything be what you might call suspicious of
my own only sister; and what I _could_ be suspicious about, even if I
wanted to, was more than I knew. Still it was odd, very odd, more
particularly after Sarah’s strange words and look. My mind was all in a
ferment--I could not tell what to think; but it came upon me as strong
as a conviction that something _must_ have happened in those ten years;
what it could be was as dark as midnight, but there must be something.
That was the end I came to after all my pondering. Ellis came twice into
the room to shut up, and twice stumbled off again with his “Beg pardon,
ma’am.” It began to feel chilly as the fire went out, and the night grew
pale and ghostly in the mirrors. By and by I began to hear those cracks
and rustles which one always hears when one sits up late at night. It
wasn’t in the furniture, bless you! I know a great deal better than
that; the old walnut and satin-wood was all seasoned by a century’s
wear. I don’t pretend to say what it was: but I know that I was made
very uneasy sitting all by myself, with the fire out, in that big room.
When it drew near twelve o’clock, I went to bed.
CHAPTER IV.
I might as well, before all this description of our day’s talk and
cogitations, have said first who we were.
The Mortimers are an old Cheshire family. We came originally from the
other side of the Dee; but we have been settled here in the Park since
Henry the Seventh’s time, when to be sure Welshmen were in fashion. The
old tower of Wyfod, over Llangollen way, was the cradle of our family.
So we have not travelled very far from our origin. We have always been,
since we came to the Cheshire side, tolerably prosperous and prudent,
not mixing much with politics, having a pretty eye for a bargain, and
letting other people get along in their own way; I say so quite frankly,
not being ashamed of it. Once, I confess, I felt a little sore that we
had no crusading knights nor wild cavaliers among our ancestors; but
that, of course, was when I was young. Now I take a different view of
affairs. Cavaliers and crusading knights have been generally very
expensive luxuries for their families, and must have done a great deal
more mischief than a man, however well disposed to it, could do at home.
Another circumstance has been good for our purse, but not so good (I
fear--so at least it threatens at the present moment) for the
prolongation of the race. The Mortimers have never had large families. I
suppose few English houses of our rank, or indeed of any rank, can count
so few cousins and collateral branches. We have relations, certainly, by
my mother’s side, who was one of the Stamfords of Lincolnshire; but
except this visionary Richard Arkwright (did ever mortal hear of such a
name for a Mortimer!), there is not a single individual remaining of our
own name and blood to inherit the property after us, which is a very sad
thing to say, and indeed, in some degree, a sort of disgrace to us. The
family allowance of children for ever so long has been somewhat about
one son and one daughter. The daughter has married off, as was natural,
or died unmarried, as, indeed, for a Miss Mortimer, was more natural
still; and the son has become the squire, and had a son and a daughter
in his turn. In Queen Anne’s time, the then squire, whose name was
Lewis, made an unfortunate divergence from the usual custom. He had two
girls only; but one of them married, and her husband took our name and
arms; the other died very opportunely, and left her sister in full
possession, so no harm was done. It is, however, a saying in the family,
that the Mortimers are to end in two sisters, and that after them the
property is to be divided and alienated from the name. This is one
reason why I never was much of a favourite at home. They forgave Sarah,
for she was beautiful, and just the person to be an heiress. But
co-heiresses are the bugbear of the Mortimers. Ah me! If there had been
no such saying as this, or if we had been poor girls, it might have made
a difference! Not in me, to be sure; I need not be sentimental about it.
I never saw an individual in this world I could have fancied but one,
and he, you know, never asked me; so it could not have made the
slightest difference to me.
However, if there’s one thing more than another that my heart is set to
resist, it is letting this prophecy be fulfilled in our time. I’d rather
compass sea and land to find a Mortimer! I’d rather set out, old as I
am, and hunt for one with a lantern through the world! Sarah, though she
is so capricious and contrary, is of the same mind. It was she who told
me of this Mr. Richard Arkwright, whom I had forgotten all about. And
yet, you see, after showing such decided interest, she turns upon one
so! What a very odd thing it is that she did not marry! I never could
make it out, for my part. Nobody could imagine, to see her now, how very
pretty, nay, how beautiful she was; and such a way with her! and
dressed, to be sure, like a duchess. All the young men in the county
were after her before she went abroad. But dear, dear! to think what a
changed life when she came home, and lost her voice, and shut herself up
in her own room.
There is nothing I dislike more than curiosity, or prying, or
suspiciousness; but I _should_ like to know the rights of it--how Sarah
went on abroad. To be sure my father was anxious enough that _she_
should get married, and have a good humble-minded husband, who would
take the name of Mortimer. It was only me that he would not hear of any
proposal for. I don’t think he would have broken his heart if, like the
Milly Mortimer in Queen Anne’s time, I had been so obliging as to die.
However, here we are, just as we were in the nursery, two Miss
Mortimers. Sarah, who might have had half a dozen good marriages, just
the same as I am; and I protest I don’t even know that there are two
people existing in the world who have the smallest collateral right to
divide the property and take it away from the name; unless Richard
Arkwright should happen to have co-heiresses! married to husbands who
will not change to Mortimer! Don’t let me think of such a horror!
These are our circumstances in the meantime. It is a very sad thing for
a family when there are no collateral branches. I forgot to say that how
this Richard Arkwright came about, was by the strange accident of Squire
George, who died in 1713, having _two sons_!
CHAPTER V.
During all this time--and indeed, after all, it was only a single day--I
had forgotten all about Mr. Cresswell and his Sara. He and his family
had been our family’s solicitors for a great many generations. He knew
all our secrets that we knew ourselves. It is only about twenty years
since he succeeded his father in the business, and married that pretty
delicate young creature, the clergyman’s daughter of St. John’s. She
died very early, poor thing, as was to be expected, and Sara is his only
child. But, of course, he does not know any more than a baby how to
manage a pretty fantastical young girl. They are a very respectable,
substantial family in their way, and have been settled in their house in
Chester for a very long time--though, of course, it would be absurd to
call a family of solicitors an _old_ family--and Mr. Cresswell is very
well off in the world, and can give a very pretty fortune to his
daughter; yet the covetous old fox has actually a fancy in his mind--_I_
could see it when he was last here--that if Sara only played her cards
well she might be heiress of the Park, and succeed Sarah and me. An
attorney’s daughter! Not that I mean to put a slight upon Sara, who is
our godchild, and a very sweet, pretty girl. But to fancy that old
Cresswell could take up such an idea, and _I_ not find him out! It is
odd, really, how the cleverest of men deceive themselves. He will take
every means to find out Richard Mortimer all the same. He’ll not fail of
his duty, however things may turn out, I know that; but to think at the
very bottom of his sly old heart that he should have a hankering after
the Park! It is quite inconceivable what fancies will take hold of men.
Sara is our godchild, as I said, called Sara Millicent, in token of the
kindness that poor Mrs. Cresswell, poor young motherless creature,
thought she had received from us. Poor little soul! she little thought
then, that the baby she was so proud of, was the only one she was to be
spared to bring into the world. From that time till now Sara has been a
pet at the Park, and always free to come to us when she wished, or when
her father thought it would do her good. This was how she was coming
to-day. Perhaps it might be imagined by some people rather a bold thing
of one’s family solicitor to bring his daughter to us without an
invitation. But you see we were only ladies, and did not stand on our
dignity as people do when there are men in the house; and, besides, she
was our pet and godchild, which makes all the difference.
Just before dinner, Mr. Cresswell’s one-horse chaise came into the
courtyard. We never use the great door except for great people, and when
Sarah goes out for her airings. I always use the court entrance, which
is much handier, especially in winter, and when there is no fire in the
great hall. I really see no use, except on occasions, for a fire in that
great hall. It looks miserable, I dare say, but then the coal it
consumes is enormous--enough to keep three families in the village
comfortably warmed--and _we_ keep no lackeys to lounge about there, and
be in the way. A good respectable family servant, like Ellis, with
plenty of maids, is much more to my taste than those great saucy
fellows, who have not the heart of a mouse. But this is quite apart from
what I was saying. Sarah had come down just the same as ever, except
that she had her brown gown on,--she wears a different gown every day in
the week,--and her muslin shawl lined with blue, and of course blue
ribbons in her cap to correspond. Carson, after all, is really a
wonderful milliner. She seemed to have forgotten, or at least passed
over, our little quarrel, for she spoke just the same as usual, and
said, as she always does, that she hoped that I would not forget to
order the carriage for her drive. I have given over being nettled about
this. She says it regularly, poor dear soul, every other day.
“And little Sara is coming to-day,” said I. “You’ll take her for
company, won’t you? It will do the child good.”
“Do her good! why, Cresswell has a carriage!” said Sarah in her whisper;
“beggars will ride before all’s done.”
“But he’s nothing of a beggar, quite the reverse; he’s very well-to-do,
indeed,” said I. “I think he has a very good right to a one-horse
chaise.”
“Ah, to be sure, that makes all the difference,” said Sarah in her sharp
way, “I forgot it was but one horse.”
Now her voice, which is rather pleasant when she’s kind, gets a sort of
hiss in it when she’s spiteful, and the sound of that “horse,” though I
wouldn’t for the world say any harm of my sister, drew out all the
hoarseness and unpleasant sound in the strangest way possible. I was
quite glad to hear at that moment the wheels in the courtyard.
“There is little Sara,” said I, and went off to fetch her in, very glad
to get off, it must be confessed; but glad also, to be sure, to see my
little pet, who had always taken so kindly to me. Before I could get to
the door which Ellis was holding open, the dear child herself came
rushing upon me, fairly driving me a few steps back, and taking away my
breath. “You’re not to come into the draught, godmamma. It’s so cold,
oh, it’s so cold! I thought my nose would be off,” cried Sara’s voice
close to my ear. She was talking and kissing me at the same moment, and
after the start she had given me, you may suppose, I did not pick up
exactly every word she said. But that was the substance of it, to be
sure.
“Why didn’t you wear a veil? You ought to wear a veil, child. We were
all supposed to have complexions when I was young,” said I. “Don’t you
have any complexions, now, you little girls?”
“Oh, godmamma! I don’t expect ever to hear you talking nonsense,” said
Sara severely. “What’s the good of our complexions? We can’t do anything
with them that I ever heard of. Come in from the draught, please, for
the sake of your dear old nose.”
“You are the rudest little girl I ever knew in my life. Go in, child, go
in, and see your godmamma,” said I. “How ever do you manage that girl,
Mr. Cresswell? Does she think I don’t know all the draughts in my own
house?”
“Ah, my dear lady, she’s contrairy. I told you so--she always was and
ever will be,” said Mr. Cresswell, putting down his hat with a sigh.
Dear, dear! the poor man certainly had his troubles with that little
puss. Manage her, indeed! when, to be sure, as was natural, she made him
do exactly just as she pleased.
When we went in after her, he and I, there she was, to be sure, kneeling
down on Sarah’s footstool, trying all she could to put my sister’s
curls out of order with kissing her. If any one else had dared to do it!
But Sara, who never since she was a baby feared any creature, had her
way with her godmother as well as with all the rest of us. There’s a
great deal in never being afraid.
“Now, go up-stairs, and take off your bonnet, there’s a good child;
there’s a fire in your room to warm it for puss in velvet. Go, and come
down smooth and nice as your godmamma loves to see you. Dinner will be
ready presently, and you must be nice for dinner. There, there, don’t
talk any more, Sara, go and smooth your hair.”
“Oh yes, certainly, and then you’ll see what’s happened!” cried Sara,
and frisked off out of the room like a little puss as she was.
I dare say the dear child expected nothing less than a great curiosity
on my part about what had happened. Poor dear little kitten! she forgot
that these little secrets were not such great matters to me. When she
was gone we did not say a syllable about Sara; but her good father began
to pull about the things on one of the tables behind the screen, and
made signs to me with his eyebrows to come and talk to him. When I
passed over that way he said quite softly, “Anything more?”
“Not a word,” said I; for, to be sure, that about Sarah marrying if they
would have let her was private, and even the family solicitor had
nothing to do with it, though, I dare say if the truth were known, he
knew all about it better than I did. “Not a word; only, I suppose, I
should say he must be about her own age.”
Mr. Cresswell glanced up at me, gave a short little smile, a nod of his
head, and a shrug of his shoulders, and understood all about it as if I
had told him.
“Was in love with her once, of course--thought so!” he said in his
undertone: “you ladies, for one good thing, do think on when we’ve made
fools of ourselves about you. It’s always our compensation.”
“We think on after you’ve forgotten all about it--that’s what you mean,”
said I.
Mr. Cresswell gave another little shrug with his shoulders, and glanced
at the screen behind which Sarah was knitting. “How lovely she was once,
to be sure!” he said with a little sigh, and then laughed out at
himself, not without a little redness in his face. To speak of a blush
in a man of his years would be simply absurd, you know. Such a piece of
presumption! I do believe Bob Cresswell had taken it upon him to fall
in love with Sarah too in his young days. I could have boxed his ears
for him; and to think he should have the audacity to laugh at himself
now!
CHAPTER VI.
This conversation of ours, if it could be called a conversation, was
luckily interrupted by the entrance of little Sara, who came into the
room, lightfooted and noiseless, as such creatures can when they are
young. She had on a velvet jacket, over a thick-corded blue silk dress.
She must have spent quite a fortune in dress, the little saucy puss.
What startled me, however, was her hair. She had a beautiful head of
hair, and wore it of course in the fashion, as all young girls ought.
Some people were so misguided as to call Sara Cresswell
dark-complexioned. They meant she had very dark hair, eyebrows, and
eyelashes. As for her skin, it was as pure as Sarah’s, who had always
been a blonde beauty. But with all the mass of hair she had, when she
chose to spread it out and display it, and with her black eyes and small
face, I don’t wonder people thought the little witch dark. However, all
that was done away _now_. There she stood before me, laughing, and
making her curtsey, with short little curls, like a child’s, scarcely
long enough to reach to her collar--all her splendid hair gone--a
regular crop! I screamed out, as may be supposed; I declare I could have
whipped her with the very best will in the world. The provoking, wicked
little creature! no wonder her poor father called her contrairy. Dear,
dear, to think what odd arrangements there are in this world! _I_ should
have brought her under some sort of authority, I promise you; but
really, not meaning to be profane, one was really tempted to say to
one’s self, what _could_ Providence be thinking of to give such a child
to poor old Bob Cresswell, who knew no more how to manage her than I
know how to steer a boat?
“I declare I think you are very wicked,” I said when I gained my breath;
“I do believe, Sara, you take a delight in vexing your friends. For all
the world what good could it do to cut off your hair? Don’t speak to me,
child! I declare I am so vexed and provoked and angry, I could cry!”
“Don’t cry, godmamma,” said Sara quite coolly, “or I’ll have it made up
into a wig; you can’t fancy how nice it is now. Besides, what was the
good of such a lot of hair? Don’t you know that’s what gives people
headaches? I thought I had better be wise in time.”
“You little storyteller!” cried I, “you never had a headache in your
life.”
“Ah, but prevention is better than cure,” said the wicked little
creature with her very demurest look.
“Dinner, Ma’am,” said Ellis at the door. It was just as well for Sara.
But I had a great mind to pinch her, as Mr. Thackeray says the ladies
do, when we went together to the dining-room. I am sure she deserved it.
However, she did not escape a little pinch which touched her, brave as
she was. Sarah, I suppose, had not taken the trouble to look at her till
we were all seated at table. Then she looked up, quite ignorant of what
had happened. Sarah did not start like me, nor scream out; but she
looked at little Sara quite composedly, leaning forward to see her all
round. When she had quite done, she folded her hands upon her napkin,
and smiled. “What a shocking fright you have made of yourself, my dear
child,” said Sarah with the most amiable look in the world. Little Sara
coloured up in a moment, grew red and furious like a little vixen, and
had something angry and wicked on the very tip of her tongue, which
however, bold as she was, she dared not say. Mr. Cresswell ventured to
give a little mutter and chuckle of a laugh, and how the little witch
did look at him! But as for me, though I was glad to have her punished,
I could not find in my heart to hear anything said against her without
standing up in her defence.
“Well, of course, I am very angry,” said I; “but I can’t say I agree
with your godmamma either--it’s pretty enough for that matter.”
“Oh, please, don’t take any trouble about my feelings. I never meant it
to be pretty,” said little Sara, quite furious.
“Nice hair is very much in a dark person’s favour. It helps the
complexion and harmonises,” said Sarah, who kept always looking at the
child in her smiling aggravating way. “People will soon notice the want
of it in you, my dear. They will say you are very much gone off in your
looks. It’s a pity you were so rash. It does make you a sad fright,
whatever Milly says.”
Now, only imagine how little Sara was to bear all this, spoken just in
Sarah’s whisper, which made everybody, even Ellis, who was waiting,
listen close to hear what she said. It was very seldom she said so many
words in one day, not to say at one speaking. She began to eat her soup
when she had done her pleasant remarks. And surely I never did remark
before how odd the s’s sounded in her poor lost voice. Somehow they
seemed to go hissing round the table, as if every word had an s in it.
It was a round table, and not very large. Sarah never would do any
carving, and I got tired of always doing it. So Ellis managed for us now
on the sideboard, knowing foreign ways a little, and a small table
suited us best.
“Ah, my dear lady, I wish you’d take her in hand,” said Mr. Cresswell
(dear, dear! it is inconceivable how injudicious some people are!);
“she’s too many for me.”
“My opinion is,” said I, breaking in as well as I could, seeing that
poor little Sara must come to an explosion if they kept it up, “that
when a gentleman comes to visit two single ladies, he should let us know
what’s going on in the world. Have you never a new curate at St. John’s
to tell us of, and are all the officers just exactly as they used to be?
You may all be very superior, you wise people. But I do love gossip, I
am free to acknowledge. I heard your rector preached in his surplice
last Sunday. How did you Evangelicals take that, Mr. Cresswell, eh? For
my part, I can’t see where’s the harm in a surplice as you Low Church
people do.”
“You and I will never agree in that, Miss Milly,” said Mr. Cresswell;
“though, indeed, if Dr. Roberts came into the pulpit in white, I’ve my
own idea as to how you’d take it. However, not to speak of surplices,
the red-coats are going, I hear. We’re to have a change. The Chestnuts
are coming up from Scotland, and our men are ordered to the West Indies.
The Colonel doesn’t like it a bit. It’s better for him in one way, but
he’s getting to like a steady friendly little society, and not to care
for moving. He’s getting up in years, like the rest of us, is the
Colonel. This will tell on him, you’ll see.”
“Well, to be sure, when a man’s old, he ought to retire,” said I; “there
are always plenty to take his place.”
“Ah, it’s easy to talk,” said Mr. Cresswell. “It’s all very well for us
to retire that have made money; but a man that has only his pay, what
is he to do? He has got that poor little widow-daughter of his to keep,
and Fred is very unsettled, I’m afraid, and little comfort to his
father. There’s a deal of difference, Miss Milly, between full-pay and
half-pay. He’d have to cut down his living one half if he retired.”
“That’s just exactly what I quarrel with in these grand times of ours,”
said I; “what’s the harm of cutting down one’s living one half? My own
opinion is, I’d respect a man very much that did it. Great people can do
it somehow. I wish you luxurious middle-class people would learn the
way. But then you don’t stand by each other when you fall into poverty.
You drop your friend when he can’t ask you to dinner. You are good to
his children, and patronise them, and forget they were just the same as
yours a little while ago. I don’t think we’ll ever come to any good in
this country till we get back to knowing how to be poor.”
“My dear lady, England never was in such splendid condition,” said Mr.
Cresswell, with a smile at my ignorance. “If we’ve forgotten how to
save, we’ve learned how to grow rich.”
“I know all about England,” said I; “we read the Times; don’t you tell
me. I’m anything but easy about England. Making money is no substitute
in the world for saving it. I tell you, the world won’t be what I call
right till a gentleman may be as poor as God pleases, without being
ashamed of it; and have the heart to cut down his living one-half too.”
“Well, well Miss Milly, ladies are always optimists,” said Mr.
Cresswell; “but I shouldn’t like to be poor myself, nor see Sara tried
with economics. _She_ don’t understand anything about them, that’s
sure.”
“The more’s the pity. What if she should marry a poor man?” said I.
“She _shan’t_ marry a poor man, my dear lady,” said Mr. Cresswell.
Upon which Sara lighted up. I knew she would. The dear child would do
anything out of contradiction.
“Rather a poor one than a rich one, papa,” cried Sara, with a little
start of opposition. “Godmamma is always quite right. It’s shocking how
everybody worships rich people. If we were to live in a little cottage,
now, and make a dozen poor people comfortable! instead of always living
in that dull old house, and having the same chairs and tables, and
looking at exactly the same things every day. Godmamma! I do so want my
room fresh papered. I know every tint of that pattern, till it makes me
quite ill to look at it. Wouldn’t it be a thousand times more reasonable
and like a Christian, if papa would stop giving stupid dinners, and
taking me to stupid parties, and divide all his money with, say, a dozen
poor families, and live in a sweet country cottage? It isn’t enough for
us, you know, to make us great people. But it would be quite enough to
give us all plenty to live upon, the dozen others and ourselves as well.
Don’t you think it would be a great deal more like what a man should do,
than keeping all one’s money to one’s self, like papa?”
Little Sara grew quite earnest, and her eyes sparkled as she spoke. Her
father laughed inwardly under his breath, and thought it just one of her
vagaries. She divide all her money with her neighbours, the extravagant
little puss in velvet! But don’t suppose Sara was shamming. She was as
thoughtless and as prodigal as ever a child was who knew no better. But
for all that, she could have done it. She could have found out how to do
it. She meant what she said.
CHAPTER VII.
“But you are a very foolish, thoughtless, provoking little puss; there
can’t be any mistake about it,” said I.
“Nothing of the sort, godmamma,” said Sara, “such a quantity of time was
always taken up with that hair of mine; it had to be brushed out at
night, however sleepy I was, and it had to be done I don’t know how many
times a day. Think of wasting hours of one’s time upon one’s hair!”
“But, my dear child, you have too much time on your hands. Do you ever
do anything in the world, you velvet kitten,” said I.
“If it was anybody else but you, I should be angry, godmamma,” said
Sara; “but, indeed, I have tried a quantity of things. As for working,
you know I _won’t_ work--I tell everybody so plainly. What’s the good
of it? I hate crochet and cushions and footstools. If I had some little
children to keep all tidy, there would be some good in it; or if papa
was poor I might mend his stockings--but I won’t work now, whatever
anybody says.”
“I don’t see any reason why you should not keep some little children
tidy, or mend papa’s stockings either, if you would like it,” said I.
“If I would _like_ it!” cried Sara, in high wrath and indignation, “as
if that was why I should do it! I don’t think there can be anything more
dreadful in life than always having to do just what one likes. Now, look
here, godmamma; suppose I was to mend papa’s stockings because I liked
it,--oh, how Mary would giggle and laugh and rejoice over me! She _has_
to do it, and doesn’t like it a bit, you may be sure. And suppose I were
making frocks for poor children, like the Dorcas society, wouldn’t all
the sensible people be on me to say how very much better it would be to
have poor women make them and pay them for their work? I could only do
what it’s other people’s business to do. I have got no business. The
best thing wanted of me is just to sit idle from morning to night and
read novels; and nobody understands me either, not even my dear old
godmamma, which is hardest of all.”
“But, Sara, if you chose, you could do _good_; the best thing of all to
do--you could----”
“Oh stop, stop, godmamma! I can’t do good. I don’t want to do good. I
hate going about and talking to people; and besides, they are all, every
one of them,” said Sara, with tears, half of vexation and half of
sorrow, sparkling in her eyes, “a great deal better than me.”
I had not a single word to say against this; for indeed, though I said
it, because of course it was the right thing to say, I can’t undertake,
upon my honour, that I thought a spoiled child like Sara Cresswell was
the kind of creature to be much comfort to poor men or poor women
labouring hard in the sorrows of this life.
“I went once with Miss Fielding from the Rectory. There was one house,”
said Sara, speaking low and getting red, “where they hadn’t so much to
live on for the whole year through as papa had to pay for my
dressmaker’s bill. He had just been worrying me about it that morning,
so I remember. But they weren’t miserable! no more than you are,
godmamma! not one half, nor a quarter, nor a hundredth part so miserable
as I am! And the woman looked so cheerful and _right_ with the baby in
her arms, and all the cleaning to do--I cried and ran off home when I
got out of that house. I was ashamed, just dead ashamed, godmamma, and
nothing else.--Doing good!--oh!--I think if I were the little girl,
coming in to hold the baby, and help to clean, I might get some good
myself. But then nobody will understand me whatever I say. I don’t want
to invent things to ‘employ my time.’ Employing one’s time is about as
bad as improving one’s mind. I want to have something _real_ to do,
something that _has_ to be done and nobody but me to do it; and I don’t
mind in the least whether I should like it or not.”
“Well, dear,” said I, “you’re not nineteen yet; plenty of time. I dare
say you’ll have your hard work some day or other, and won’t like it any
more than the rest of us. Have patience, it will all come in time.”
“Then, I suppose,” said Sara, with a little toss of her provoking little
head, “I had better just go to sleep till that time comes.”
“Well, my love, papa would save a good deal, no doubt, if there were no
dressmaker’s bills. You inconsistent little witch! Here you tell me how
disgusted you are with being a rich man’s daughter and having nothing to
do, yet you cut off your hair to save time, and go on quite composedly
spending as much as would keep a poor family--and more than one poor
family, I suspect--on your dressmaker’s bill. Little Sara, what do you
mean?”
“The two things have no connection,” said Sara, tossing her head again;
“I never pretended that I wanted to save papa’s money. What’s the good
of it? I like pretty things to wear, and I don’t care the very least in
the world how much money papa has in the bank, or wherever he keeps it.
He told me once it was my own means I was wasting, for, of course, it
would be all mine when he died,” she went on, her eyes twinkling with
proud tears and wounded feeling; “as if _that_ made any difference! But
I’ll tell you what, godmamma. If he was to portion out all the money to
ourselves and so many other people, just enough to live upon, you’d see
how happy I should be in muslin frocks. I know I should! and keep
everything so snug and nice at home.”
“Oh, you deluded little child!” said I; “don’t you know there’s ever so
much _nasty_ work to do, before everything can be nice as we always have
it? Should you like to be a housemaid with your little velvet paws, you
foolish little kitten? You don’t know what you’re saying.”
“But I do, though--and I could scratch too,” said the wild little puss,
with a glance out of her black eyes which confounded me. I thought the
child had gone out of her wits altogether. No wonder her poor father
called her contrairy, poor hapless man.
This conversation took place after dinner, when we two went back to the
drawing-room. Mr. Cresswell had returned to Chester in his brougham, and
Sarah had gone out all by herself for her drive. Perhaps little Sara,
after being so aggravated at dinner, would not have gone with my sister
even had she been asked; but her godmamma did not ask her. Dear, dear,
what a very strange world this is! Poor Sarah chose to go out alone,
driving drearily through the winterly trees and hedges; she chose always
to turn aside from the village, which might have been a little cheerful,
and she never dreamt of calling anywhere, poor soul! I have lived a
quiet life enough, but I could not get on without a smile here and a
word there, and the sight of my fellow-creatures at least. However, I
have no call to censure neighbours, much less my sister. This is how
Sara Cresswell and I had time for our long conversation. I broke it off
short now, thinking it was about time for Sarah to come in.
“Now little Sara,” said I, “we’ll drop the question what you’re to do as
a general question just now; but your godmamma will be in directly. What
shall you do while you’re here? Should you like to come and set my
papers straight? It’s nice, tiresome, sickening work. It always gives me
a headache, but I can’t trust a servant to do it. I think it’s the very
work for you.”
“But, dear godmamma, here’s a novel,” said Sara, who was sunk deep in an
easy-chair, and had not the very slightest intention of obeying me,
“just the very one I wanted, and I see by the first chapter that Emily
is my own very favourite heroine. I’ll do it to-morrow,
please--to-morrow morning, not to-day.”
“But it must be done to-day.”
“Oh, _must_! why _must_? You have only to do what you please--you are
not obliged to keep time like a dressmaker or a clerk,” said Sara,
reading all the while.
“Oh, you child!” said I; “suppose papa’s dinner was waiting, or his
stockings to mend, would you let them stand till you had finished your
novel? Oh, you deluded little thing, is that the good workwoman you
would be?”
Before I had finished speaking Sara had started like a little sprite
out of her chair, tossed the novel into the corner of a distant sofa,
and went off like the wind to the library, where I did my business and
kept my papers. I had to hurry after her as quickly as I could. A pretty
job she would have made of it, had she done it alone!
CHAPTER VIII.
If there is one thing I dislike more than another, it is the housemaid,
or even Ellis, meddling with my papers. I don’t scold a great deal, in a
general way, but I will allow that I don’t spare any of them when they
flutter my accounts and receipts about in setting things to rights. So
in the course of nature the things get dusty; and I quite expected to
see poor little Sara grow pale and give in before she was half through
the year’s accounts. But nobody knows the spirit that is in that child.
After she had once roused herself to do it, she held at it without an
idea of yielding. I saw her look now and again at her little toys of
hands, but I took no notice; and on she went at the papers manfully,
putting them in as regular order as I could have done myself. It was not
such a very important business after all, but still it’s a comfort to
see a person set to anything with a will, especially a little spoilt
wilful creature that never had anything to do but her own pleasure all
her life.
Nearly an hour after we had come into the library somebody came with a
gentle knock to the door; thinking it was Ellis, I said, “Come in,”
without looking up, waiting for him to speak. But while I sat quietly
going on with my business, with Sara close by rustling her papers, I was
quite startled and shaken all at once to hear a voice close by me which
I did not hear half a dozen times in a twelvemonth, the voice of Carson,
Sarah’s maid.
“Bless me, what’s the matter?” I said, looking up at the sound, being
really too much startled to notice what she said.
“Nothing, I hope, ma’am,” said Carson, who was very precise and
particular. “But my missis is not come in, ma’am, from her drive, and I
thought I’d make bold to ask if she was going anywhere as I didn’t
know?”
“Sarah not come back from her drive?” said I, looking at my watch; “why,
we’ve had lights this half hour, Carson; it’s getting towards five
o’clock.”
“Yes, ma’am,” said Carson, briefly, not allowing for my surprise, “that
is just what I said.”
This pulled me up a little, as you may suppose; but I was seriously put
out about Sarah, when I really saw how the matter stood.
“I know nothing about where she was going. Dear, dear, can anything have
happened?” I cried, getting a little flustered and anxious; then I
jumped up, as was natural, and looked out at the window; though of
course nothing was to be seen there but the shrubbery and a corner of
the flower-garden. “But I can’t think what _could_ have happened either.
The horses are very steady, and Jacob is care itself; besides, we’d have
heard directly if anything had gone wrong. No, no, there can’t have been
any accident. My sister was just in her usual, Carson, eh?”
“Just in her usual ma’am,” said Carson, like an echo of my voice.
“Then, dear, what can be the matter? it’s only some accident, of
course,” said I; “I don’t mean accident, only some chance turn out of
the way, or something. Bless me, to think of Sarah out after nightfall!
Why don’t you run out to the road and look for the carriage? Call some
of the people about. Ring the bell, child, can’t you?--or no, sit still,
Sara. I’ll take a peep out at the great gate myself.”
Saying which, I hurried past Carson, brushing against her, as she did
not keep out of my way, and snatched a cloak out of the hall, and ran to
the gate. It was only twilight out of doors, though we had our lamp
lighted. A nice night, grey, a little frosty, but rather pleasant, with
the lights twinkling out of the windows. I said to myself, “Nothing I
should like better than a brisk walk down to the village; but Sarah, you
know--Sarah’s different.” What could keep her out so late? I can’t say I
was alarmed, but I did get a little uneasy, especially as I saw Ellis
making his way up one road from the gate of the courtyard, and the
houseboy running down another. It was Carson’s doings, no doubt; well,
well! I ought to be thankful my sister had a maid that was so fond of
her; but taking things out of my hands in this way, not only made me
angry, as was natural, but flurried me as well.
As I stood there, however, watching, and thinking I surely heard a sound
of wheels somewhere in the distance, somebody went past me very
suddenly. I could not see where he sprang from, he appeared in such a
sudden unexplainable way. I got quite a fright, and, except that he was
a gentleman, and probably a young one, I could tell nothing more about
the figure that shot across my eyes. Very odd; could he have been hiding
in the bushes? What could he want? Who could it be? I certainly hear the
carriage now, and there comes the houseboy up the road waving his arms
about; but instead of looking for my sister, I looked after this figure
that had passed me. It passed Ellis too, and looked in his face, making
him start, as it appeared to me, and so went straight on, till the road
turned and I could see it no longer. I felt quite as if I had met with
an adventure. Could it be some lover of little Sara’s that had followed
her out here?--or, dear, dear! could it have anything to do with
delaying Sarah’s drive? Just then the carriage came in sight, and I ran
back to the house-door to receive my sister and ask what had detained
her. She stepped out of the carriage, looking paler than her ordinary,
and with that nervous shake in her hands and head, and looked as if she
could quite have clutched hold of Carson, who of course was there to
receive her.
“Sarah,” cried I, “what in all the world has kept you so long? We were
at our wits’ end, thinking something had happened.”
“You’ll be glad to see nothing has happened,” said Sarah, in her
whisper, trying hard to be quite composed and like herself as she took
hold of Carson’s arm. “The beauty of the evening, you know, drew me a
little further than I generally go.”
This she said looking into my face, nay, into my eyes all the time, as
if to defy any suspicions or doubt I might have. Her very determination
to show that there was no other reason, made it quite evident that there
had been something, whatever it was.
I said nothing of course. I had not the least idea what my own
suspicions pointed at, nor what they were. So it was not likely I should
make any scene, or put it into the servants’ heads to wonder. So I stood
still and asked no more questions, while Sarah passed before me, leaning
on Carson’s arm, to go upstairs. It was the most simple and reasonable
thing in the world; why should she not have gone further than she
intended one night in her life? But she did not, that is all.
When I went back to the library, little Sara, extraordinary to relate,
was sitting exactly where I left her, busy about the papers. The wilful
creature did not seem to have moved during my absence. She was as busy
and absorbed as if there was nothing else to do or think of in the
world. And while we had been all of a flutter looking for Sarah, she,
sitting quiet and undisturbed, had got the greater part of her work
finished.
“Sara, you unfeeling child,” said I, “were you not anxious about your
godmamma?”
“No,” said Sara, very simply. “Godmamma Sarah, and coachman Jacob, and
those two fat old horses could surely all take care of each other. I
wasn’t frightened, godmamma. I never heard of any accidents happening to
big old stout carriages and horses like yours. I’ve nearly got my work
done while you’ve been away.”
This was all the sympathy I got from little Sara. Of course I could no
more have told her the puzzle my mind was in than I could have told the
servants; but still, you know, an intelligent young person might have
guessed by my looks and been a little sympathetic;--though to be sure
there is no use pretending with one’s self. I do believe I liked Sara
twenty times better for taking no notice;--and then, how cleverly the
little kitten had got through her work!
We saw nothing more of Sarah that night. When it was time for tea,
Carson came down again with missus’s compliments, and she was tired with
her long drive, and would have tea in her own room. I said nothing at
all, but handed her the Times. I don’t doubt Sarah had her tea very snug
in her nice cosy dressing-room, with Carson purring round her and
watching every move she made. I never could manage that sort of thing
for my part. Little Sara and I, however, though her godmamma deserted
us, were very comfortable, on the whole, downstairs.
CHAPTER IX.
We had both been reading almost all the evening. Sara had her novel, and
I had the Times Supplement, which I am free to confess I like as well as
any other part of the paper. I will not deny that I finished the third
volume before I began to the newspaper; but, to be sure, a novel, after
you are done with it, is an unsatisfactory piece of work; especially if
the evening is only half over, and you have nothing else to begin to. I
sat leaning back in my chair, wandering over the advertisements, and
very ready for a talk. That is just the time, to be sure, when one wants
somebody to talk to. If I had ever been used to the luxury of a
favourite maid when I was young, as Sarah was, I do believe I should
have been in my own cosy room now as well as Sarah, talking everything
over with _my_ Carson. But that is not the way I was brought up, you
see. To be sure, as there was ten years of difference between us, nobody
had ever looked for me, and Sarah had got quite settled in her heiress
ways before I was born. When I was young, I used to think it a sad pity
for everybody’s sake that I ever was born, especially after my mother
died; however, I changed my views upon that subject a good many years
ago. Yet here I sat looking all over the advertisements, and keeping an
eye on Sara to see if there was any hope of getting a little
conversation out of her. Alas! she was all lapped up and lost in her
novel. She thought no more of me than of Sarah’s empty chair. Ah! novels
are novels when people are young. I looked at the poor dear child, and
admired and smiled at her over the top of the newspaper. If I had been a
cabbage, Sara could not have taken less notice of me.
At last she suddenly exclaimed out loud--at something she was reading,
of course--“I declare!” as if she had made a discovery, and then stopped
short and looked up at me with a sort of challenge, as if defying me to
guess what she was thinking of. Then, seeing how puzzled I looked, Sara
laughed, but reddened a little as well, to my amazement; and finally,
not without the least little touch of confusion, explained herself. To
be sure it was quite voluntary, and yet a little unwilling too.
“There’s something here exactly like the Italian gentleman; he that
people talk so much about in Chester, you know.”
“I never knew there was an Italian gentleman in Chester. What a piece of
news! and you never told me,” said I.
“He only came about a fortnight ago,” said Sara. “It looks quite
romantic, you know, godmamma, which is the only reason _I_ have heard
anything about it. He came quite in great style to the Angel, and said
he was coming to see some friends, and asked all about whether anybody
knew where the Countess Sermoneta lived. You may be quite sure nobody
had ever heard of such a name in Chester. I heard it all from Lucy
Wilde, who had heard it from her brother, who is always playing
billiards and things at the Angel--Harry Wilde----”
“That is the poor young man who----”
“Oh, dear godmamma, don’t bother! let one go on with one’s story. Harry
Wilde says the Italian came down among them, asking everybody about this
Countess Sermoneta, and looking quite bewildered when he found that
nobody knew her; but still he was quite lively, and thought it must be
some mistake, and laughed, and made sure that this was really _Chestare_
he had come to, and not any other place. But next day, people say, he
sent for the landlord and asked all about the families in the
neighbourhood, and all of a sudden grew quite grave and serious, and
soon after took lodgings in Watergate, and has been seen going about the
streets and the walls so much since that everybody knows him. He speaks
English quite well--people say so, I mean--and he has a servant with
him, the funniest-looking fat fellow you ever saw; no more like a proper
Italian servant in a play or a novel than I am; and he calls himself
just Mr. Luigi; and that, of course, you know, must be only his
Christian name.”
“Nay, indeed, Sara, I don’t know anything about it. There is nothing at
all Christianlike in the name, so far as I can see.”
“Well then, _I_ know, godmamma, which is all the same,” cried the
impatient little creature; “but then, to be sure, our old Signor Valetti
used to tell us they never minded their family names in Italy; and that
people might be next-door neighbours for ever so long and never know
each other’s surnames. Isn’t it pretty? especially when they have pretty
Christian names, as all the Italians have.”
“My dear, if you think Looegee pretty, I don’t,” said I. “Take my word
for it, there is nothing like the sensible English names. I’ve had a
good deal of experience, and I don’t like your romantic foreigners. For
my part, I don’t like people that have a story. People have no right to
have stories, child. If you do your duty honestly, and always tell the
truth, and never conceal anything, you can’t get up a romance about
yourself. As for this Italian fellow and his name----”
“I don’t believe he’s a fellow any more than you are, godmamma,” cried
Sara, quite indignantly; “people should know before they condemn; and
his name is just plain Lewis when it’s put into English. I did not think
you were so prejudiced, indeed I did not--or I never would have told you
anything at all about the poor count----”
“Heaven preserve us! he’s a count, is he?” said I. “And what do you know
about him, Sara Cresswell, please, that you would quarrel with your own
godmother for his sake?”
Sara did not speak for a few minutes, looking very flushed and angry. At
last, after a good fight with herself, she started up and threw her arms
round my neck. “Dear godmamma, I wouldn’t quarrel with you for anybody
in the world,” cried the little impulsive creature. Then she stopped and
gave a little toss of her head. “But whatever anybody says, I know it’s
_quite_ right to feel kind to the poor Italian gentleman, a stranger,
and solitary, and disappointed! I do wonder at your people,
godmamma--you people who pretend to do what’s in the Bible. You’re just
as hard upon strangers and as ready to take up a prejudice as anybody
else.”
“I never pretended not to be prejudiced,” said I; “it’s natural to a
born Englishwoman. And as for your foreign counts, that come sneaking
into people’s houses to marry their daughters and run off with the
money----”
“Oh, if it is that you are thinking of, godmamma,” cried Sara with great
dignity, sitting quite bolt upright in her chair, “you are totally
mistaken, I assure you. I never spoke to the gentleman in my life; and
besides,” she went on, getting very red and vehement, “I never will
marry anybody, I have quite made up my mind; so, if you please,
godmamma, whatever you choose to say about poor Mr. Luigi, _whom you
don’t know anything about_, I hope you will be good enough not to draw
me into any stupid story about marrying--I quite hate talk of that
kind.”
I was so thunderstruck that I quite called out--“You impertinent little
puss,” said I, “is that how you dare to talk to your godmother!” I
declare I do not think I ever was put down so all my life before. I gave
her a good sound lecture, as anybody will believe, about the proper
respect she owed to her friends and seniors, telling her that I was very
much afraid she was in a bad way; and that, however her father, who
spoiled her, might let her talk, she ought to know better than to set up
her little saucy face like that in our house. I said a great deal to the
little provoking creature. I am sure she never saw me so angry before,
though she has been a perfect plague and tease all her days. But do you
think she would give in, and say she was sorry? Not if it had been to
save her life! She sat looking down on her book, opening and shutting it
upon her hand, her little delicate nostril swelling, her red upper lip
moving, her foot going pat-pat on the carpet, but never owning to be in
the wrong or making the least apology. After I had done and taken up my
paper again, pretending to be very busy with it, she got up and rummaged
out the other volume of the novel, and came to me to say good-night,
holding out her hand and stooping down her cheek, meaning me to kiss
her, the saucy little puss! As she was in my house, and a guest, and her
first night, I did kiss her, without looking at her. It was a regular
quarrel; and so she too went off to her own room. So here I was all
alone, very angry, and much disposed to launch out upon the servants or
somebody. Contrairy indeed! I should think so! I wonder how that poor
old Bob Cresswell can put up with his life. If she were mine I would
send her off to school, for all so accomplished as they say she is.
CHAPTER X.
I had not a very good night after these troubles: somehow one’s sleep
goes from one more easily when one grows old; and I kept dreaming all
the night through of my sister and little Sara, and something they were
concealing from me, mixing them both up together in my mind. I rose very
uneasy and excited, not a bit refreshed, as one should feel in the
morning. One thing very strange I have noticed all my life in dreams.
Though never a single _thing_ that one dreams should ever come true,
the feeling one has comes true somehow. I don’t know whether anybody
will understand me. I have had friends in my young days, whom I thought
a great deal upon, that did not prove true to me. And I have remarked,
often long before I found them out, however fond or trustful in them I
was through the day, I was always uneasy in my dreams, always finding
out something wrong or meeting some unkindness--which makes me have a
great confidence, not in what you would call _dreams_, you know, but in
the sentiment of dreams, if you can understand what I mean. I woke up
very unrefreshed, as I say; and got dressed and came downstairs as soon
as it was daylight, though I knew well enough I should find nobody
there. My sister always breakfasted in her own room, and Sara was late
of coming down at the best of times; however, I got some letters about
business, which were perhaps the best things I could have had. They put
me off minding my quarrel with little Sara, or trying to find out what
had kept Sarah so late on her drive.
I had nearly finished breakfast when little Sara came downstairs. She
came up to me just as she had done the night before, holding out her
hand and stooping down her cheek to be kissed, but not looking at me. I
kissed her, the provoking puss, and poured out her coffee. And after ten
minutes or so we got on chatting just as usual, which was a relief to
me, for I don’t like apologies and explanations. I never could bear
them. Little Sara, after she had got over feeling a little awkward and
stiff, as people always do when they have been wrong, was just in her
ordinary. She was used to affront people and to have them come to again,
the little wicked creature--I am afraid she did not mind.
This little quarrel had put Sarah a good deal out of my mind, I must
allow, but I got back to being anxious about her directly when I saw her
come down-stairs. I can’t tell what the change upon her was--she did not
look older or paler, or anything that you could put plainly in
words--she was just as particularly dressed, and had her silver-white
curls as nice, and her cap as pretty as usual, but she was not the same
as she had been yesterday; certainly there was some change. Not to speak
of that little nervous motion of her head and hands, which was greater
to-day than ever I had seen it, there was a strange vigilance and
watchfulness in her look which I don’t remember to have ever seen there
before. She looked me very full in the face, I remember with a sort of
daring defying openness, and the same to little Sara, though, of course
what could the child know? All over, down to her very hands, as she
went on with her knitting, there was a kind of self-consciousness that
had a very odd effect upon me. I could not tell what in the world to
think of it. And as for supposing that some mere common little accident,
or a fright, or anything outside of herself, had woke her up to that
look, you need not tell me. I have not lived fifty years in this world
for nothing. I knew better. Whatever it was that changed Sarah’s look,
the causes of it were deep down and secret in herself.
It was this of course that made me anxious and almost alarmed, for I
could not but think she must have something on her mind to make her look
so. And when she beckoned to me that afternoon after dinner, as she did
when she had anything particular to say, I confess my heart went thump
against my breast, and I trembled all over. However, I went close up as
usual, and drew my chair towards her that I might hear. Little Sara was
close by. She could hear too if she pleased, but Sarah took no notice of
the child.
“Have you heard anything from Cresswell about Richard Mortimer?” Sarah
asked me quite sharply all at once.
“Why, no: he did not say anything yesterday when he was here. Did _you_
have any conversation with him?”
“_I!_ Do I have any conversation with any one?” said Sarah, in her
bitter way. “I want you to bestir yourself about this business, however.
We must have an heir.”
“It is odd how little I have thought about it since that day--very odd,”
said I; “and I was quite in earnest before. I wondered if Providence
might, maybe, have taken it up now? I have seen such a thing: one falls
off one’s anxiety somehow, one can’t tell how; and lo! the reason is,
that the thing’s coming about all naturally without any help from you.
We’ll be having the heir dropped down at the park gates some of these
days, all as right and natural as ever was.”
I said this without thinking much about it; just because it was an idea
of mine, that most times, when God lays a kind of lull upon our
anxieties and struggles, it really turns out to be because He himself is
taking them in hand; but having said this easy and calm, without
anything particular in my mind, you may judge how I was startled half
out of my wits by Sarah dashing down her knitting-pin out of her hand,
stamping her foot on the footstool, and half screaming out in her sharp,
strangled whisper, that sounded like the very voice of rage itself--
“The fool! the fool! oh, the fool! Shall I be obliged to leave my home
and my seclusion and do it myself? I that might have been so different!
Good God! shall _I_ be obliged to do it--_me_! When I was a young girl I
might have hoped to die a duchess,--everybody said so,--and now, instead
of being cared for and shielded from the envious world,--people were
always envious of me since ever I remember,--must I go trudging out to
find this wretched cousin? Is this all the gratitude and natural feeling
you have? Good heaven! to put such a thing upon me!”
She stopped, all panting and breathless, like a wild creature that had
relieved itself somehow with a yell or a cry; but, strange, strange, at
that moment Ellis opened the door. I will never think again she does not
hear. The sound caught her in a moment. Her passion changed into that
new watching look quicker than I can tell; and she sat with her eyes
fixed upon me,--for, poor soul, to be sure she could not see through the
screen behind her to find out what Ellis came for,--as if she could have
killed me for the least motion. I got so excited myself that I could
hardly see the name on the card Ellis brought in. Sarah’s looks, not to
say her words, had put it so clearly in my mind that something was going
to happen, that my self-possession almost forsook me. I let the card
flutter down out of my hand when I lifted it off the tray, and did not
hear a single syllable of what the man was saying till he had repeated
it all twice over. It was only a neighbour who had sent over to ask for
Miss Mortimer, having heard somehow that Sarah was poorly. She heard him
herself, however, and gave an answer--her compliments, and she was quite
well--before I knew what it was all about. If she had boxed me well she
could not have muddled my head half so much as she had done now. When
Ellis went away again, and left me alone close by her, I quite shook in
my chair.
But she had got over her rage as it seemed. She stooped down to pick up
her knitting-pin--with a little pettish exclamation that nobody helped
her now-a-days--just in her usual way, and took up the dropt stitches in
her knitting. But I could very well see that her hand trembled. As she
did not say any more, I thought I might venture to draw back my chair.
But when she saw the motion she started, looked up at me, and held up
her hand. I was not to get so easily away.
“I had no idea you minded it so much. Well, well, Sarah,” cried I, in
desperation, “I will write this moment to urge Mr. Cresswell on.”
“And shout it all out, please, that the child may hear!” said Sarah,
with a spiteful look as if she could bite me. I was actually afraid of
her. I got up as fast as I could, and went off to the writing-table at
the other end of the room. There was nothing I would not do to please
her in a rational way; but, of all the vagaries she ever took up before,
what did this dreadful passion mean?
CHAPTER XI.
The next day I had something to do in the village, which was only about
half a mile from the Park gates; but little Sara, when I asked her to go
with me, had got some piece of business to her fancy in the greenhouse,
and was not disposed to leave it, so I went off by myself. I went in, as
I passed the lodge, to ask for little Mary Williams, who had a cough
which I quite expected would turn to hooping-cough, though her mother
would not believe it (I turned out to be right, of course). Mrs.
Williams was rather in a way, poor body, that morning. Mary was worse
and worse, with a flushed face and shocking cough, and nothing would
please her mother but that it was inflammation, and the child would die.
It is quite the strangest thing in the world, among those sort of
people, how soon they make up their minds that their children are to
die. I scolded her well, which did her good, and promised her the
liniment we always have for hooping-cough, and said I should bring up a
picture-book for the child (it’s a good little thing when it is well)
from the new little shop in the village. This opened up, as I found out,
quite a new phase of poor Williams’ trouble.
“I wouldn’t encourage it ma’am, no sure, I wouldn’t, not for a hundred
picture-books. I wouldn’t go for to set up them as ’tices men out of
their houses and lads fro’ home. No! I seen enough of that when poor old
Williams was alive, and we was all in Liverpool. It’s all as one as the
public-houses, ma’am. I can’t see no difference. Williams, it was his
chapell; and the boy, it’s his night-school and his reading. I don’t see
no good of it. In the old man’s time, many’s the weary night I’ve sat
by mysel’ mending their bits o’ things, and never a soul to cheer me up;
and now, look’ee here, the boy’s tooken to it; and if I’m to lose
Mary----”
“You ridiculous woman,” cried I, while the poor creature fell sobbing
and took to her apron, “what’s to make you lose Mary? The child’s going
in for hooping-cough, as sure ever child was, and I see no reason in the
world why she shouldn’t get over it nicely, with the spring coming on as
well. Don’t fret; trouble comes soon enough without going out of the way
to meet it. What’s all this story you’ve been telling me about poor
Willie, and the shop in the village, and the night-school? Don’t you
know, you foolish woman, the night-school may be the making of the boy?”
“I don’t know nothink about it, ma’am, nor I don’t want to know,” said
our liberal-minded retainer. “I know it takes the boy out o’ the house
most nights in the week; and I sits a-thinking upon my troubles, and
listening to all the sounds in the trees, sometimes moidered and
sometimes scared. I’d clear away thankful any night, even washing night,
when I’m folding for the mangle, to have him write his copy at home; and
have a hearth-stone for him, though I say it as shouldn’t, as bright as
a king’s. But he’s a deal grander nor the like o’ that, he is--he’ll
stay and read the papers and talk. Bother their talk and their papers! I
ask you, ma’am, wouldn’t Willie be a deal better at home?”
“I shouldn’t say but what I might perhaps think so too,” said I; “but
then the gentlemen say not, and they should know best.”
“The gentlemen! and there’s another worry, sure,” said Mrs. Williams;
“who would you think, ma’am, has been in the village, but a Frenchman,
a-spying all about, and asking questions; and had the impudence to come
to my very door, to the very park gates, to ask if I knowed a lady with
a French name that was here or hereabout. I answered him short, and said
I knew nothink about the French, and shut the door in his face, begging
your pardon, ma’am; for, to be sure, he was after no good, coming asking
for outlandish ladies here.”
“Very odd,” said I, “I hope it’s no robber, Williams. You were quite
right to shut the door in his face.”
“And if I might make so bold,” said Williams, coming closer and speaking
low, “Jacob, he maintains it was a French fellow with a mustache that
scared Miss Sarah the day afore yesterday. Jacob seen him, but took no
notice; and directly after Miss Sarah up and pulled the string, and
told him to drive round by Eden Castle, a good five-mile round, and to
go quick. You may depend Miss Sarah took him for a robber, or somethink;
and I’m dead sure it was the same man.”
I was very much startled by this, though I could scarcely tell why; but,
of course, I would not let Williams suppose there was any mystery in it.
“Very likely,” said I; “my sister goes out so little, she’s timid--but I
am losing my time. Good-bye, little Mary, I’ll fetch you your
picture-book; and be sure you rub her chest well with the liniment. I
have always found it successful, and I’ve tried it for ten years.”
When I had fairly got out of the lodge, I went along without losing any
more time, wonderfully puzzled in my own mind. Here was a riddle I could
neither understand nor find any key to. After hearing little Sara’s
tale, and all she had to say about the Italian, there was nothing so
surprising in finding him out here, if it should happen to be him,
seeing the park was only a few miles from Chester; only that Sara showed
more interest in him than she had any call to do, and if he should
happen to be coming after _her_, it was a thing that should be looked
to. But why, in all the world, should _Sarah_ be agitated by the sight
of him? _That_ was the extraordinary circumstance. As for supposing her
to be alarmed at the idea of a robber, that, of course, was the merest
folly, and I never entertained the idea for a moment. But if this were
not the reason, what could the reason be? I was entirely lost in
bewilderment and consternation. Could it be the mere passing face of a
stranger which made her so deeply anxious as to the name of the visitor
who called next day, and the entrance of Ellis with the card? How, in
all the world, could a wandering Italian, seeking or pretending to seek
for somebody no one had ever heard of, make any difference to Sarah? The
more I turned it over the more I was mystified. I could not even guess
at any meaning in it; but to drive five miles round out of her way, to
be so excited all at once about the heir of the Mortimers, and to have
got such a strange, watchful, vigilant look on her face, these changes
could not come from nothing: but I had not the merest shadow of a clue
to guide me in connecting little Sara’s Italian, if it was he, with my
sister Sarah’s agitation and excitement. I stopped short at this, and
could not go a step further; if there was any connection between the
two--if there was nothing else to account for Sarah’s trouble which I
did not know of--then the whole affair was the most extraordinary
mystery I ever came across.
I walked pretty smartly down to the village while I was occupied with
these thoughts. A nice little village ours was, though I can’t really
say whether you would have called it picturesque. A little bit of a
thread of a stream ran along the lower edge of the common, and found its
way somehow, all by itself, little thing as it was, down to the Dee. At
that time of year the common was rather chilly to look at, the grass and
the gorse bushes being a good bit blackened by frost, which had set in
pretty sharply. I remember noticing, as I passed, that Dame Marsden,
whose cottage is the first you come to on the left-hand side, just on
the edge of the common, had her washing out, some of the things, after
the line was full, being spread on the gorse, and that the shirts were
lying there with their stiff white arms stuck out like pokers, as hard
with the frost as if they had been made of wood. But after you pass the
first few cottages, which just lie here and there, you come to a snug
bit of street, with the Rectory garden and a peep of the house on one
side, and the doctor’s house staring straight at it across the road; and
the other better houses of the village thrusting forward on both sides,
as if to take care of the aristocracy, and keep them cosy. Just before
you come to the doctor’s was the new shop I had spoken of at the lodge.
It was got up by the doctor, and was going to be a failure. It had all
kinds of cheap books and papers, and of all things in the world, a
reading room! And the shopkeeper, who was rather a smart young fellow,
taught a night school after the shop was over. I dare to say it wasn’t a
bad place; but, of course, in a bit of a rural village like ours, it was
easy to see it would never succeed.
Into this shop, however, I went to get little Mary Williams her
picture-book; and I can’t but say I was very much struck and surprised
to see a stranger standing there whom I had never seen before, and to
hear roars of laughter coming out of the shop and drawing the children
about the door. The stranger was one of the fattest men I ever saw: not
that he was dreadfully big or unwieldy,--on the contrary, he was
spinning about on his toes in a way that would have been a trial to the
lightest Englishman. His fatness was so beautifully distributed that it
was amazing to see. His arms in the coat-sleeves which fitted them like
the covers of a cushion, his short plump fingers, all were in perfect
keeping. As for his face, that was nearly lost in beard. When I entered
the shop he had seized his beard with one of his fat hands, in the
warmth of his monologue; for he was talking, I have no doubt, in a very
animated and lively manner, if any one could have understood a word of
what he said. Now, I confess I felt a good deal of sympathy with the
poor fellow; for I remember quite well the only time I ever was abroad
feeling an odd sort of conviction that if I only spoke very clear,
plain, distinct English, and spoke loud enough, people, after a while,
must come to understand me. When he saw me he made a spin clean out of
my way, took off the queer hat he had on, made me a bow, and stopped
talking till I had done my business; which was the most civil thing I
had seen in a stranger for many a day. And the face was such a jolly,
honest sort of face that, in spite of my prejudice against foreigners, I
felt quite disarmed all at once.
“Who is he? What is he saying?” said I to the shop-people.
“Goodness knows!” cried old Mrs. Taylor, the shopkeeper’s mother. “I
know no more on’t nor if it was a dog. Lord, Miss Milly! to think of
poor creatures brought up from their cradles to talk sich stuff as
that!”
“I was brought up at a grammar-school, ma’am,” said young Taylor
himself, with a blush; “where it isn’t modern languages, you know,
ma’am, that’s the great thing; and, though I know the grammar, I’m not
very well up in my French.”
Here his little sister, who had kept nudging him all this time, suddenly
whispered, with her face growing crimson, “Oh, Alfred! ask Miss
Milly!--to be sure she knows.”
And, to tell the truth, though I knew I could never keep up a
conversation, I had been privately conning over in my own mind a little
scrap of French, though whether he was French or not I knew no more than
Jenny Taylor. So I faced round boldly enough, not being afraid of any
criticism, and fired off my interrogation at the good-humoured fat
fellow. He looked so blank after I had spoken that it was quite apparent
he did not understand a word of it. He made a profusion of bows. He
entered into a long and animated explanation, which sent Jenny Taylor
into fits of laughter, and filled her mother with commiseration. But I
caught two words, and these confounded me. The first was “Italiano,”
over and over repeated; the second which he pronounced, pointing out to
the street with many lively gestures, was “padrone.” I comprehended the
matter all at once, and it made my heart beat. This was the servant whom
little Sara had described, and the master, the “padrone,” was in the
village pursuing his extraordinary inquiries, whatever they were, here.
For the moment I could not help being agitated; I felt, I cannot explain
why, as if I were on the eve of finding out something. I asked him
eagerly, in English, where his master was; and again received a voluble
and smiling answer, I have no doubt in very good Italian. Then we shook
our heads mutually and laughed, neither quite convinced that the other
could not understand if he or she would. But the end was that I got my
picture-book and left the shop without ascertaining anything about the
padrone. Perhaps it was just as well. Why should I go and thrust myself
into mysteries and troubles which did not make any call upon me?
CHAPTER XII.
I had a good many little errands in the village, and stayed there for
some time. It was dusk when I turned to go home. Very nice the village
looks at dusk, I assure you--the rectory windows beginning to shine
through the trees, and the doctor’s dining-room answering opposite as if
by a kind of reflection; but no lamps or candles lighted yet in the
other village houses, only the warm glow of the fire shining through the
little muslin blind on the geraniums in the window; and, perhaps, the
mother standing at the door to look out for the boys at play, or to see
if it is time for father’s coming home. Dame Marsden’s shirts were still
lying stiff and stark like ghosts upon the gorse bushes; and some of the
early labourers began to come tramping heavily down the road with their
long, slow, heavy steps. I had just stopped to ask James Hobson for his
old father, when my share of the adventure came. I call it the
adventure, because I suppose, somehow, we were all in it--Sarah, little
Sara Cresswell, and me.
Just when that good Jem had gone on--such a fellow he is, too! keeps his
old father like a prince!--another sort of a figure appeared before the
light; and, bless me, to think I should have forgotten that
circumstance!--of course it was the same figure that started so suddenly
past me that evening when I stood looking for Sarah at the gate. He took
off his hat to me, in the half light, and stopped. I stopped also, I
cannot tell why. So far as I could see, a handsome young man, not so
dark as one expects to see an Italian, and none of that sort of French
showman look--you know what I mean--that these sort of people generally
have: on the contrary, a look very much as if he were a gentleman; only,
if I may say it, more innocent, more like a child in his ways than the
young men are now-a-days. I did not see all this just in a moment, you
may be sure. Indeed, I rather felt annoyed and displeased when the
stranger stopped me on the road--my own road, that seemed to belong to
me as much as the staircase or corridor at home. If he had not been
possessed of a kind of ingratiating, conciliatory sort of manner, as
these foreigners mostly have, I should scarcely have given him a civil
answer, I do believe.
“Pardon, Madame”--not _Madam_, you perceive, which is the stiffest,
ugliest word that can be used in English--and I can’t make out how, by
putting an e to the end of it, and laying the emphasis on the last
syllable, it can be made so deferential and full of respect as the
French word sounds to English ears--“pardon, Madame; I was taking the
liberty to make inquiries in your village, and when I am so fortunate as
to make an encounter with yourself, I think it a very happy accident.
Will Madame permit me to ask her a question; only one,--it is very
important to me?”
“Sir,” said I, being a little struck with his language, and still more
with his voice, which seemed to recall to me some other voice I had once
known, “you speak very good English.”
His hat was off again, of course, in a moment to acknowledge the
compliment; but dark as it was, I could neither overlook nor could I in
the least understand, the singular, half pathetic, melancholy look he
gave me as he answered. “I had an English mother,” said the young
foreigner; and he looked at me in the darkness, and in my complete
ignorance of him, as if somehow I, plain Millicent Mortimer, a single
woman over fifty, and living among my own people, either knew something
about his mother, or had done her an injury, or was hiding her up
somewhere, or I don’t know what. I could not tell anybody how utterly
confounded and thunderstruck I was. I had nearly screamed out: “I? What
do I know about your mother?” so much impression did it have on me.
After all it is wonderful how these foreigners do talk in this underhand
sort of way with their eyes. I declare I do not so much wonder at the
influence they often get over young creatures. That sort of thing is
wonderfully impressive to the imagination.
He paused quite in a natural, artful sort of way, to let the look have
its full effect; and he must have seen I was startled too; for though I
was old enough to have been his mother, I was, of course, but a plain
Englishwoman, and had no power over my face.
“Madame,” said the stranger with a little more vehemence, and a motion
of his arm which looked as if he might fall into regular gesticulating,
just what disgusts one most, “to find the Countess Sermoneta is the
object of my life!”
“I am very sorry I can’t help you,” said I, quite restored to myself by
this, which I was, so to speak, prepared for; “I never heard of such a
person; there’s no one of that name in this quarter, nor hasn’t been, I
am sure, these thirty years.”
Seeing I was disposed to push past, my new acquaintance stood aside, and
took off again that everlasting hat.
“I will not detain Madame,” he said in a voice that, I confess, rather
went to my heart a little, as if I had been cruel to him; “but Madame
will not judge hardly of my case. I came to find one whom I thought I
had but to name; and I find her not, nor her name, nor any sign that she
was ever here. Yet I must find her, living or dead; I made it a promise
to my father on his death-bed. Madame will not wonder if I search, ask,
look everywhere; I cannot do otherwise. Pardon that I say so much; I
will detain Madame no more.”
And so he stood aside with another salute. Still he took off his hat
like a gentleman--no sort of flourish--a little more distinctly raised
from his head, perhaps, than people do now-a-days; but nothing in bad
taste; and just in proportion to his declaration that he would not
detain me, I grew, if I must confess it, more and more willing to be
detained. I did not go on when he stood out of my way, but rather fell a
little back, and turned more towards him than I had yet done. Dame
Marsden had just lighted her lamp, and it cast a sort of glimmery,
uncertain light upon the face of my new acquaintance; undeniably a
handsome young man. I like good-looking people wherever I find them; and
that was not all. Somehow, through his beard--which I daresay people who
like such appendages would have thought quite handsome--there seemed to
me to look, by glimpses, some face I had known long ago; and his voice,
foreign as it was, had a tone, just an occasional indescribable note,
which reminded me of some other voice, I could not tell whom belonging
to. It was very strange; and one forgets stories that one has no
personal interest in. Did I ever hear of any country person that had
married an Italian? for somehow I had jumped to the conclusion that it
was his mother he sought.
“It is very odd,” said I, “I can fancy I have heard a voice like yours
somewhere long ago. I seem to feel as if I knew you. I don’t remember
ever hearing the name you want; but I’ll consult my sister and an old
servant we have, and try to find out,--Sermoneta! I certainly do not
recollect ever hearing the name. But it is very sad you should be so
disappointed. If you will come to the Park some day next week and ask
for Miss Millicent, I will do my best to find out for you if anybody
knows the name.”
He made a great many exclamations of thanks, which, to be sure, I could
have dispensed with, and paused a little again in a hesitating way when
I wanted to go on. At last he began quite in a new tone; and this was
the oddest part of all.
“If Madame should find, on inquiring, that the bearer of this name did
not _will_ to bear it; if there might be reasons to conceal that
name;--if the lady, who is the Contessa, would but see me, would but let
me know----”
“Sir,” said I, interrupting the young fellow all at once, “is it an
_English_ lady you are speaking of? English ladies do not conceal their
names. Reason or not, we own to the name that belongs to us in _this_
country. No, no, I know nothing about such a possibility. I don’t
believe in it either. If I can hear of a Countess Sermoneta, I’ll let
you know; but as for anybody denying their own name, you must not think
such things happen here. Good night. You’re not accustomed to England, I
can see. You must not think me impatient; but that’s not how we do
things in our country. Come to the Park, all the same; and I shall do
what I can to find out whether anybody remembers what you want to know.”
This time he did not make any answer, only drew back a step, and so got
quite out of the light of Dame Marsden’s window. He seemed to be
silenced by what I had said, and I went on quite briskly, a little
stimulated, I confess, by that little encounter, and the exertion of
breaking my spear for English honour. Denying one’s name, indeed! Of
course we have our faults like other people; but who ever heard of an
English person (not speaking of thieves, or such creatures, of course),
denying his name! The thing was quite preposterous. It quite warmed me
up as I hastened back to the Park, though I was rather later than usual,
and the night had fallen dark all at once; and, to be sure, this kept me
from all those uncomfortable ideas--that perhaps, it might be a
deception after all; and what if it were a contrivance to be admitted to
the Park? and it might, even, for anything I know, be all a
fortune-hunter’s device to get introduced to Sara Cresswell--which
disturbed my mind sadly, though I felt much ashamed of them after I had
time for reflection at home.
PART II.
THE LIEUTENANT’S WIFE.
CHAPTER I.
I will tell you exactly how it all happened.
I have been an orphan all my life; at least, if that is a little Irish,
I mean that I never knew, or saw, that I know of, either my father or my
mother. Sad enough in the best of cases, and mine was not the best case
you could think of. I don’t know who paid for me when I was a child.
Some of mamma’s relations, I suppose, among them; and of all people in
the world to trust a poor little orphan child to, think of fixing upon a
soldier’s wife, following the regiment! That is how I have always been
half a soldier myself; and one reason, perhaps, if any reason was
necessary but his dear, good, tender-hearted self, why I was so ready,
when Harry asked me, to do the most foolish thing in the world.
Though I say they made a strange choice in leaving me with dear Nurse
Richards, I don’t mean that it was not, so far as the woman was
concerned, the very best choice that possibly could have been made.
Richards himself was a sergeant, and she was quite a superior woman; but
much more to the purpose than that, she had been my very own nurse,
having taken me when poor mamma died. She had lost her baby, and I had
lost my mother; and it was for real love, and not for hire, that Nurse
Richards took the charge of me. She used to work hard, and deny herself
many things, I know, to keep the little house, or the snug lodgings we
always had, as far off from the barracks as Richards would allow them to
be. I know she could not possibly have had enough money for me to make
up for what she spent on my account; but I don’t think it was hard to
her, working and sparing for the poor orphan little girl. I know such
things by my own experience now. It was sweet to her to labour, and
contrive, and do a hundred things I knew nothing about, for “the
child’s” sake. I would do it all over again, and thankful, for her sake.
Ah, that I would! Pain and trouble are sweet for those one loves.
She did her duty by me too, if ever woman did. She never would let me
forget that I was a lady, as she said. She used to lecture me by the
hour about many a thing being fit enough for the other children which
was not becoming for me, till I came to believe her as children do, and
gave myself little airs as was natural. I got no education, to be sure,
but reading and writing, and needlework, and how to do most things about
a house. So far as I have gone into life yet it has been a very good
education to me. I don’t doubt much more serviceable than if I had been
at boarding-school, as poor Aunt Connor used to lament, and wish I had;
but it was a sad wandering life for all that. We were in Edinburgh the
first that I can recollect. I remember as clear as possible, as if it
were in a dream, the great Castle Rock standing high up out of the town,
and whatever was ado in the skies, sunshine, or moonlight, or clouds, or
a thunder-storm, or whatever was going on, always taking that for its
centre, as I imagined. I could fancy still, if I shut my eyes, that I
saw the grey building up high in the blue air, with the lights twinkling
in the windows half way up to the stars; and heard the trumpet pealing
out with a kind of wistful sound, bringing images to me, a soldier’s
child, of men straying about, lost among the darkling fields, or
bewildered in the streets, when the recall sounded far up over their
heads in that calm inaccessible height. I see that very Castle Rock now
again, not in imagination, but with my real eyes. It is just the same as
ever, though I am so very different. It is my first love, and I am loyal
to it. Not being of any country, for I am _some_ Irish, and some Welsh,
and some Scotch, and Harry is a pure thorough-bred Englishman, I can
quite afford to be in love with Edinburgh Castle. The regiment went to
Swansea after it left Edinburgh, and then to Belfast, and we were in
dreadful terror of being sent to Canada, where Nurse Richards declared
she never would take “the child.” However, it never came to trying. At
Belfast, dear tender soul, she died. Ah me! ah me! I could not think how
the kind Lord could leave me behind, so wretched as I was; but He knew
better than I did. I was only fifteen; I humbly hope, now I’m twenty, I
have a great deal more yet to do in the world. But I thought of nothing
then except only what a comfort it would be to slip into the coffin
beside her and be laid down quietly in her grave.
I did not know a single relation I had, if, indeed, I had any; Aunt
Connor, I know, used to send the money for me; but Nurse Richards had
often told me she was not my real aunt; only my uncle’s wife, and he was
dead. So, though she supported me, she had no right to love me; and she
couldn’t love me, and did not, that is certain; for I was fifteen, and
had never seen her, nor a single relation in the world. However, when
she heard of Nurse Richards’ death, Aunt Connor sent her maid for me. It
is very fortunate, Bridget said, we were in Belfast, and no great
distance off, for if it had been in England, over the seas, there was no
telling what might have happened. I was very unwilling to go with
Bridget. I struggled very much, and spoke to Richards about it. I said I
would much rather go into service, where at least I could be near _her_
grave; but it was of no use speaking. I was obliged to obey.
Aunt Connor lived in Dublin; and when I got to her house and saw the
footman, and the page in his livery, and all the grandeur about the
house, I thought really that Aunt Connor must be a very great lady.
Harry says the house was shabby-fine, and everything vulgar about it;
but I cannot say I saw that. Perhaps I am not so good a judge as Harry,
never having seen anything of the kind before. I do believe that she
really was very kind to me in her way; I must say so, whatever Harry
thinks. Harry says she behaved atrociously, and was jealous of me
because I was prettier than her own girls (which is all Harry’s
nonsense), and a great deal more like that--all in the Cinderella style,
you know, where the two young ladies are spiteful and ugly, and the
little girl in the kitchen is quite an angel. I love Cinderella; but all
the same, Harry’s story _is not true_. I underscore the words to
convince him if he should ever see this. Alicia and Patricia were very
handsome girls,--as different from me as possible--and good girls too,
and always had a kind word for their poor little cousin. They did not
take me to all their gaieties, to be sure. I am sure I did not wish it.
I was much happier in the nursery. After I had seen Harry a few times,
perhaps I did grudge going down so seldom to the drawing-room; and used
to keep wondering in my heart which of them he was fond of, and had many
a cry over it. But now that it is all past, and I see more clearly, I
know they were very kind indeed, considering. They were never, all the
time I was there, unfeeling to me; they liked me, and I liked them:
nothing in the world of your Cinderella story. If I had a nice house,
and was rich enough to have a visitor, there is nothing I should like
better than to have Patricia (her sister is married) come to see me. It
would be pleasant to see her bright Irish face. No, honestly, I cannot
complain of Aunt Connor. I am very sorry I deceived her for an hour--she
was never unkind to me.
CHAPTER II.
I did not think I could have said half a dozen words about myself
without telling all the story of my marriage. But what I have said was
necessary to keep you from blaming me so much. For, after all, I was a
young, friendless, desolate creature, longing very much to have somebody
belonging to me, somebody of my very own, and with no very clear natural
duty to Aunt Connor, though she had paid for bringing me up. I say again
she was kind to me, and so were the girls; but principally because it
was not in their nature to be unkind to anybody, and not because they
had a particular affection for me. And that is what one wants, whatever
people may choose to say. One might die of longing for love though one
was surrounded with kindness. Ah, yes, I am sure of it: even a little
unkindness from people we belong to, and who belong to us, one can bear
it. To have nobody belonging to you is the saddest thing in the world.
I never was melancholy or pensive, or anything like that. After a while,
when I could think of Nurse Richards without breaking my heart, I got
just as cheerful as other girls of my age, and enjoyed whatever little
bit of pleasure came to me. But after I began to know Harry--after it
began to dawn upon my mind that there might be somebody in the world who
would take an interest in all my little concerns, for no better reason
than that they belonged to me, not for kindness or compassion, I felt as
if I were coming to life all at once. I have had some doubts since
whether it was what people call love; perhaps I would have been shyer
had it been so, and I don’t think I ever was shy to speak of. I was so
glad, so thankful, to the bottom of my heart, to think of having
somebody belonging to me. If we could have done something to make
ourselves _real_ brother and sister, I believe I should have been just
as glad. However, of course that was impossible. All the officers used
to come to Aunt Connor’s; she was always good-tempered and pleasant, and
glad to see them, though I am sure she would not have allowed her girls
to marry any of those poor lieutenants. However, I happened to be in the
drawing-room a good many times when Harry came first. Nobody noticed
that we two were always getting together for a time; but when my aunt
did observe it, she was angry, and said I was flirting, and I was not to
come downstairs any more in the evening. I thought I didn’t mind; I
never had minded before. But I did feel this. I made quite sure Harry
was falling in love with one of my cousins, and used to wonder which it
would be, and cry. Crying by one’s self does not improve one’s looks;
and when I met Harry the first day, by real accident, he looked so
anxious and concerned about me, that it quite went to my heart. My aunt
used to send me on her particular errands at that time,--to order things
for the dinner-parties, and to match ribbons, and to take gloves to be
cleaned; things the servants could not do properly. She used to say if I
kept my veil down, and walked very steadily, nobody would ever molest
me; and nobody ever did. Only Harry got to know the times I generally
went out, and always happened to meet me somewhere. Oh yes, it was very
wrong; very, _very_ wrong; if I had ever had a mother I could not have
forgiven myself. But it was such a comfort to see his face brighten up
as he caught sight of me. No one could tell how cheering it was except
one as friendless as me. So, as you may suppose, it went on from less to
more, and at last (after we had been asked in church, and I don’t know
all what) Harry and I called in at a far-off little church one morning,
and were married. I had not thought very much about it till it was over;
but the moment it was fairly over I fell into the greatest panic I ever
was in, in all my life. What if Aunt Connor should find us out? If she
did find us out, what would be done to us? what would happen to Harry? I
almost think he must have carried me out of church, my head quite spun
round upon my shoulders. I fell into such a tremble that my limbs would
not support me. When we were out of the church,--it was a summer
morning, beautiful and sweet, and the air so pleasant that it made one
happy to breathe it,--we two foolish young creatures looked with a kind
of awe into each other’s faces. Harry was pale as well as me. I do
believe he was in a panic too. “Oh, Harry, what have we done?” cried I
with a little gasp. He burst out into a great trembling laugh. “What we
can never undo, Milly darling; nor anybody else for us,” said he; “and
God be praised!” I could not say another word. We neither of us could
speak any more; we went silently along through the air, so sweet and
sunny, trembling and holding each other close, to my aunt’s door, where
we were to part. I think we must have gone gliding along like fairies,
on the wings that grow to people’s shoulders at those wonderful moments;
surely we did not walk over the common pavement like ordinary people.
But the common door, the white steps, the blank front of Aunt Connor’s
house, disenchanted us. I could not stop to say good-bye, but only gave
him a frightened look, and ran in, for the door was fortunately open.
Oh, how cold and trembling I felt when I shut my room door, and was safe
in, and knew it was all over! I took off my white frock, all in awe and
terror of myself. But when I had put on my morning dress, and looked at
myself in the glass, it was not Milly Mortimer! _I_ knew it was not
Milly Mortimer. I fastened my ring so that I could wear it round my neck
under my high dress, without anybody knowing; but already it had made a
mark round my finger. I was married! Oh dear, dear, and to think I could
not tell anybody! I never had a secret all my life before. I went down
on my knees in the corner, and asked God to forgive me, and to take care
of us two poor children that did not know what we were doing. Then I had
to get up and open my door, and go out in the every-day house. I can’t
tell how I did it. Of all the wonders in my life, there is none like
that. I can fancy how I was led on to consent to be married; but how did
I ever go downstairs and do my sewing, and eat my dinner, and look Aunt
Connor in the face? I suppose I must have done it somehow without making
them suspect anything; and I don’t wonder my aunt called me a little
hypocrite. What a hypocrite I must have been!
I did not see Harry next day, and felt very miserable; cold, as if a
sudden frost had come on in the middle of summer. But the next morning
after, looking out of my window very early, who should I see looking up
at the house but himself! That moment I got back into the sun. We
belonged to each other; everything, even to the dress I had on, Harry
was pleased to know about. Ah, what a difference! I cannot say anything
else, though it may be very improper. After that moment I never was
ashamed again of what I had done, nor frightened, nor sorry. If it was
wrong, it’s a pity, and I don’t defend myself; but from that time I
thought only that I had somebody belonging to me; that I dared not get
ill, or mope, or die, or do any foolish thing; that I had Harry to think
of, and do for, and take care of. Ah, that was different from doing Aunt
Connor’s messages. It was not being married, it was being born--it was
coming to life.
CHAPTER III.
You are not to suppose, however, that we did not pay for our
foolishness. If I had been a well-brought up girl living at home, I
should have been perfectly wretched in that strange, feverish, secret
life in which everything felt like guilt; and, as it was, the excitement
and feeling of secrecy wore me out day by day. Poor Harry, too, got
quite harassed and wretched looking. This that we had done certainly did
not make us happy. Harry still came to the house for the chance of
seeing me; and imagine what I felt to know that he was in the
drawing-room, and _I, his wife_, sitting upstairs, after the little
children had gone to bed, sewing in the quiet nursery! I don’t know how
I ever endured it; and to hear Alicia and Patricia next morning saying
to each other what a bear that young Langham had grown! Once or twice,
when I was allowed to be downstairs, it was worse and worse. If one of
the other gentlemen so much as looked at me, Harry flushed up and
looked furious. Twenty times in a night I thought he would have
interfered and made a scene; but all the time we dared scarcely speak to
each other; and I am sure Aunt Connor never thought we were flirting
then. When I went out, as before, on my aunt’s errands, with my veil
down, Harry, instead of being pleased to meet me, as he used to be, was
so cross and unhappy that it was quite dreadful to be with him. And he
would come about the house looking up at the windows at all kinds of
improper times, quite in an open way, as if he were defying Aunt Connor.
I was quite in a fever night and day; I never knew what might happen any
minute. He could not bear so much as to think of other people ordering
me about, and making me do things I did not want to do. I am sure it is
very good of Harry to be so kind and fond of me as he is; for I feel
certain that, for the first three months, our marriage made him
miserable, injured his health, and his temper, and his appetite, and
everything. You may say, why did we keep it secret? The reason was this,
that he was to come in to a little money, which his uncle, who was his
only relation, had promised him on his birthday, and which he ought to
have got before now; and poor Harry thought every day it might come, and
was always waiting. But unless it was that promised present, he had
nothing in the world but his lieutenant’s pay.
However, of course, this state of things could not go on. One day I had
gone out to take some gloves to be cleaned, and Harry, of course, had
met me. We were going along very quiet, not saying much to each other,
for he had been in one of his troublesome humours, having got a letter
from his uncle without a word in it about the money, and I had been
begging him to have patience a little, when all at once my heart gave a
jump, and I knew the crisis had come. There, straight before us,
crossing the road, was Aunt Connor, with her great eyes fixed upon Harry
and me!
I gave a little cry and looked round. If there had been any cross street
or opening near I should have run away, and never looked either of them
in the face again; but there was not a single opening in all the houses.
I clasped my hands together tight, and stood still, with something
throbbing so in my head that I thought it would burst. I did not see
Harry nor anything, only Aunt Connor coming up to me whom I had
deceived.
She grasped hold of me by the arm as soon as ever she came up. “Oh, you
shameless, ungrateful creature! Is this what you have come to after all
my care of you? This is how you take your walks, is it, Miss Mortimer?
Oh, good heavens! was ever simple woman so taken in and imposed upon?
Oh, you wicked, foolish, thoughtless thing! do you know you’re going to
ruin? do you know you’re seeking your own destruction? do you
know?--Lord save us, I don’t know what words to say to you! Haven’t you
heard what comes to young girls that behave so? Oh, you young
scapegrace! how dare you bring such a disgrace on my house!”
“Hold your tongue, you old witch,” said Harry, who was perfectly wild
with rage, as I could hear by the sound of his voice, for I dared not
turn my head to look at him. But there he was, grasping hold of my hand
and holding me up. “Take your hand off my wife’s arm, Mrs. Connor. What!
you dare venture to speak about disgrace and destruction after sending
her out defenceless day after day. She has had somebody to defend her,
though you took no trouble about it. Yes, Milly darling, I am thankful
it has come at last. Madam, take away your hand; she is my wife.”
Aunt Connor fell back from me perfectly speechless, holding up her two
hands. We two stood opposite, Harry holding my hand drawn through his
arm. I thought I should have sunk into the ground; and yet I felt so
happy and proud I could have cried with joy. Yes, it was quite true; I
was not all by myself to fight my own battles. We two belonged to each
other, and all the world could not make it otherwise. I could not say a
word, and I did not mind. I could leave it all to Harry. Henceforward he
would stand up for me before all the world.
I really cannot tell, after that, what Aunt Connor said. I remember that
Harry wanted to take me away at once to his lodgings, and said he would
not allow me to go home with her; and she took hold of my arm again, and
declared she would not let me go till she had proof he was telling the
truth about our marriage. The end of it all was that we both went home
with her. She was dreadfully angry,--speechless with rage and dismay;
but after just the first she managed to keep proper and decorous in what
she said, being in the street, and not wishing to make a scene or gather
a crowd. She took us into the library and had it out there. Oh, what
names she called me!--not only deceitful and ungrateful, but, what was
far worse, light and easily won; and warned Harry against me, that I’d
deceive him as well. When she said _that_ it roused me; and I don’t know
what I should have said if Harry had not drawn me aside quite quietly
and whispered, “Leave it all to me.” I did; I never said a word for
myself. I put my cause into his hands. To be answered for, and have my
defence undertaken so, did a great deal more than make up to me for
anything that could be said. It was all very agitating and dreadful,
however; and I could not help thinking that most likely Harry’s uncle,
when he heard what a foolish marriage his nephew had made, would not
send that money, and Harry would have me to provide for, and so little,
so very little to do it with; and most likely all his brother officers
making fun of him to each other for being so foolish. Ah! now I felt how
foolish we had been.
“Milly must come home with me,” said Harry. “If I could scarcely endure
her remaining here while it was all a secret, you may suppose how
impossible it is that I can endure it now. I thank you very much, Mrs.
Connor, for finding us out; and don’t think,” he said, changing his look
in a moment, “that I forget or will forget what actual kindness you may
have shown to my wife. But she is my wife: she must not do other
people’s business, or live in any house but her own. Mrs. Connor will
let you put your things together, Milly darling, for I cannot leave you
behind again.”
“Well, young people,” said Aunt Connor, “I have seen a great deal, and
come through a great deal in my life, but such boldness and unconcern I
never did see before. Why, you don’t even look ashamed of
yourselves!--not Miss here, that is going to be at the head of her own
establishment, in the parlour over Mrs. Grogram’s shop, with boots lying
about in all the corners, and a cigar-box on the mantelshelf. However,
Mr. Langham, I am not such an old witch as you think for. I won’t let my
poor Connor’s niece go off like this, all of a sudden, with a young man
that has never made the least preparation for her. I am not throwing any
doubt upon your marriage, nor meaning any scandal upon the lieutenant,
Miss Milly,--you need not flush up; but what do you suppose his landlady
would say if he came in with a young lady by his side, and said he had
brought home his wife? Do you think she’d believe in you, or give you
proper respect, you unfortunate young creature? No, no; I’ll do my duty
by you, whether you will or no. Let Mr. Langham go home and make things
a little ready for a lady. She’s a lady by both sides of the house, I
can tell you, Mr. Langham; and I’ve heard her poor papa say might come
in for a great estate, if she lived. Any how, she’s poor Connor’s niece,
and she shan’t go out of my house in an unbecoming manner. Go home and
set your place in order for a bride; and since it must be so, come back
for Milly; but out of this door she’s not going to-night. Now be
easy,--be easy. I have had to do with her for eighteen years, and you
have had to do with her for a month or two. It’s not respectable, I tell
you, you two young fools. What! do you think I’ll make away with her, if
you leave her here while you make things decent at home?”
Neither Harry nor I could resist kindness; and Aunt Connor was kind, as
nobody could deny; but he blushed, poor fellow, and looked
uncomfortable, and looked at me to help him out this time. “Harry has no
money, no more than I have,” said I; “it’s his wife that must make
things tidy at home.”
A kind of strange spasm went over Aunt Connor’s face, as if she had
something to say and couldn’t, or wouldn’t. She pursed up her lips all
at once, and went away hastily to the other end of the room to pick up
something,--something that had nothing at all to do with us or our
business. “Well, well, do as you like,” she said, in a curious choked
voice. When she turned away from us, Harry drew me close to him to
consult what we should do. It was quite true about the boots, he said,
with a blush and a laugh; should I mind? Certainly I didn’t mind; but I
thought, on the whole, it was best not to vex Aunt Connor any more, but
to take her advice,--he to leave me here to-night, and fetch me home
to-morrow. Fetch me home! I that had never known such a thing in all my
life.
We parted for another day with that agreement; and, strange as people
may think it, I was quite a heroine in Aunt Connor’s house that night.
The girls both came up to my room and made me tell them all about it,
and laughed and kissed me, and teased me, and cried over me, and did all
sorts of kind foolish things. They found out my ring tied round my neck,
and made me put it on; and they kept constantly running back and forward
from their own room to mine with little presents for me. Not much, to be
sure; but I was only a girl, though I was married, and liked them. There
was somebody to dinner, so I did not go downstairs, but when the
strangers were gone, there was a little supper in my honour, and Aunt
Connor made some negus with her own hand, and ordered them all to drink
dear Milly’s health the last night she would be at home. I could have
really thought they loved me that last night. They did not, however;
only, though it might not be very steady or constant, they were kind,
kind at the heart; and when one was just at the turn of one’s life, and
all one’s heart moved and excited, they could no more have refused their
sympathy than they could have denied their nature; and being very much
shocked and angry at first did not make the least difference to this.
The girls were twenty times fonder of me that night than if I had been
married ever so properly,--dear, kind, foolish Irish hearts!
But all the while there was a strange uneasy look in Aunt Connor’s face.
I divined somehow, I cannot tell by what means, that there was something
she ought to tell me which she either was afraid or unwilling to let me
know, or had some object in keeping from me. She must be an innocent
woman, surely, or I never could have read that so clear in her face.
CHAPTER IV.
The next morning Harry came radiant, quite like a new man. Was it all
for joy of taking me home? or, perhaps he had got the money on this most
convenient of all mornings? but such things don’t often happen just at
the most suitable time. He came rushing in with a kind of
shout,--“Milly, we’ve orders to march; we’re going next week. Hurrah!”
cried Harry.
“And why hurrah?” said I.
“We’ll have ourselves to ourselves, and nobody in our way,” he said; but
just then seeing Aunt Connor, who was at the other end of the room,
stopped short and looked a little confused. He had not intended to say
anything ill-natured to her.
“Oh, I am not affronted; you’re excusable, you’re quite excusable,” said
Aunt Connor; “and I believe it _is_ very lucky; you’ll have a fresh
start, and nobody will know how foolish you have been. I was too angry
to ask yesterday, or to think of anything but that deluded child there,
that thinks herself so happy;--but young Langham, dear, have ye any
friends?”
“None to whom I am answerable,” said Harry.
“Then that means no father nor mother, no parents and guardians?” said
my aunt. “Well, what you’ve done is done, and can’t be undone; we must
make the best of it. Have you put the boots into the corner, and tidied
the cigars off the mantelshelf? and now Mrs. Grogram knows all about
it,--when it happened, where it happened, and how you two took clever
Mrs. Connor in?”
“Exactly,” said Harry, laughing; “you have quite described it all. I
have done my best, Milly darling; come home.”
“You’re glad, you two young fools?” said my aunt.
“I should think so! and shouldn’t we be glad?” cried Harry. “If we have
not a penny between us, we have what is much better. Milly, come.”
“Hush with your Milly, Milly,” said Aunt Connor, “and speak for
yourself, young man. My poor Connor’s niece, if she is undutiful, shall
never be said to be penniless. Well, I’ve won the battle. I _will_ tell
you, for I ought. As sure as she’s standing there in her white frock,
she has five hundred pounds.”
“Five hundred pounds!” both Harry and I repeated the words with a little
cry of wonder and delight.
She had said this with a flash of resolution, as if it were quite hard
to get it out; now she fell suddenly into a strange sort of coaxing,
persuading tone, which was sadly painful to me just as I was getting to
like her better; and as she coaxed and grew affectionate she grew vulgar
too. How strange! I had rather have given her the money than seen her
humble herself so.
“But it’s out at the best of interest, my dears; what you couldn’t get
for it elsewhere. Think of five-and-twenty pounds a-year; an income,
Milly! My child, I’ll undertake to pay you the half year’s interest out
of my own pocket to help you with your housekeeping; for, of course, you
would never think of lifting the money, you nor young Langham, with such
an income coming of it. No, no; let well alone, I say. I would not
meddle with a penny of it if I were you. Rash young creatures that don’t
know the value of money, you’d just throw it away; but think what a
comfort there is in five-and-twenty pounds a-year!”
Harry and I looked at each other; it was as clear as day that she had it
herself, and did not want to give it up. He was angry; I was only vexed
and distressed. I never in all my life had thought of money before.
“Five hundred pounds would be very useful to Milly just now, Mrs.
Connor,” said Harry; “she has not a trousseau, as your daughters would
have; and I can only give her all I have, which is little enough. At
least it’s my duty to ascertain all about it; where it is, and what it
is, and----”
“Oh, what it is! half of it Uncle Connor’s own gift to the ungrateful
creature--half of it at the very least; and ascertain, to be
sure!--ascertain, and welcome!--call it in if ye please, and spend it
all in three weeks, and don’t come to me for help or credit. What do you
mean, sir? Do ye think it’s anything to me?”
“Oh, Aunt Connor, please don’t be angry. I never had but
half-a-sovereign all my life,” cried I. “You’ll tell us all about it
afterwards, to be sure. Harry--I mean Mr. Langham--doesn’t understand.
But it would be so handy to have some of it. Aunt Connor, don’t you
think so? Only please don’t be angry. I should like, all out of my own
head, to spend ten pounds.”
Aunt Connor did not speak, but went to her desk and took something out
of it that was already prepared--one envelope she gave to Harry and the
other to me.
“Here is the half year’s dividend of your wife’s little money; it’s just
come due,” said Aunt Connor, “and here, Milly, dear, is your aunt’s
wedding-present to you. Now you can have your will, you see, without
breaking in upon your tiny bit of fortune. See what it is to have
thoughtful friends.”
For in my envelope there was exactly the sum I wished for--ten pounds.
And what do you suppose I did? Harry standing there as sulky as a
statue, looking as if he would like to tear up his share and throw it
into the fire. I was so delighted I ran and threw my arms round her
neck, and kissed Aunt Connor. I hugged her quite heartily. I did not
understand five hundred pounds; but I knew I could get something nice
for Harry, and a new dress and a wedding bonnet, with orange-blossoms,
out of what she gave me. And she cried, too, and kissed me as if I had
been her own child; and it was no hypocrisy, whatever you may think.
Harry snatched me away, and quite turned me out of the room to get my
bonnet. He looked the sulkiest, most horrid fellow imaginable. I almost
could have made faces at him as he sent me away; it was our first _real_
quarrel; but I can’t say I was very much afraid.
When we got out of doors he was quite in a passion with poor Aunt
Connor. “Kind! what do you mean by kind? why, you’ve been living on your
own money. I am sure she has not spent more on you, besides making you
her servant,” cried Harry. “And to take her present! and kiss her--pah!
I would not do it for a hundred pounds.”
“Nobody asked you, sir,” said I: “but come this way, please Harry, I
want to look at one shop-window--just one. I saw something there
yesterday that would just do for me; and now I can afford to buy a
dress.”
“By Jove!” cried Harry, “what creatures you women are; here we are, on
as good as our wedding-day, walking home for the first time, and you are
thinking of the shop-windows! Are you just like all the rest?”
“Oh, indeed, just precisely,” said I. “Ah, Harry, I never was in the
street before that I felt quite free and yet quite protected and safe.
Only think of the difference! I am not afraid of anybody or anything
to-day. I am going home. If you were not so grave and proper I think I
could dance all the way.”
Harry did not say another word; he held my arm close, and called me by
my name. My name was Milly darling, to Harry; he said it sounded like
the turn of an Irish song. He calls me Milly darling still, though we
have been married two years.
And how pretty he had made that little parlour over Mrs. Grogram’s shop!
Not a boot about anywhere that I could see, nor the shadow of a cigar;
clean new muslin curtains up, and flowers on the table; and the landlady
curtseying, and calling me Mrs. Langham. It was the very first time I
had heard the name. How odd it sounded! and yet an hour after I should
have laughed if any one had called me Miss Mortimer, as if that were the
most absurd thing in the world.
And to make _home_ does not require many rooms or a great deal of
furniture. I have not a “house of my own” yet, and, perhaps, may not
have for years. A poor subaltern, with nothing but his pay, when he is
so foolish as to marry, has to take his wife to lodgings; but the best
house in the world could not have felt to me a warmer, safer, more
delightful home than Mrs. Grogram’s parlour above the shop.
CHAPTER V.
“It is only right, however,” said Harry, “that before we leave we should
know all that Mrs. Connor can tell us, Milly darling, about your family
and your relations. Though she’s to have your five hundred pounds, she
need not have your family archives too.”
“Why, Harry, you almost speak as if you grudged her the five hundred
pounds!”
“And so I do,” said Harry. “Just now, while I am so poor, it might have
made you a little comfortable. Please Heaven, after a while, five
hundred pounds will not matter so much; at least it is to be hoped so.
If there would only come a war----”
“Harry, you savage! how dare you say so!” cried I.
“Nonsense! what’s the good of a soldier except to fight?” he said.
“Active service brings promotion, Milly. You would not like to see me a
subaltern at forty. Better to take one’s chance of getting knocked on
the head.”
“Ah, it is very easy for you to talk,” said I; “and if I could disguise
myself and ’list like Lady Fanshawe----”
“’List! you five-foot creature! you could be nothing but a drummer,
Milly; and besides, Lady Fanshawe did not ’list, she----”
“Never mind, I could contrive as well as she did,” said I. “I could get
upon stilts or something, and be your man, and never disclose myself
till I had cut down all your enemies, and brought you safe out of the
battle, and then fainted in your arms.”
“Pleasant for me,” said Harry; “but I do believe, in spite of romance,
Fanshawe himself would have given his head to have had his wife safe at
home that time. Do you think it would be a comfort to a man if he was
shot down himself to think his wife was there with nobody to take care
of her? No, Milly darling; the truest love would stay at home and pray.”
“And die,” said I; “I understand it better now. If I were ’listing and
going after you, it would not be for your sake, Harry, but for my own.
How do women keep alive, do you think, when those that belong to them
are at the wars?”
Neither of us knew; but to think of it made us shudder and tremble,--I
that should have to bear it some day! for the very people in the streets
said that war was coming on.
“In the meantime let me remind you,” said Harry, “that we’re going to
Aunt Connor’s to bid them good-bye, and that I mean to ask her all about
your relations, and get a full history of your family, in case you might
happen to be a princess in disguise, or a great heiress. By the bye, she
said something like that. Only don’t be too sanguine, Milly; if there
had been anything more to get on your account, Aunt Connor would have
ferreted it out.”
I thought he was rather hard upon her, but could not really say anything
in her defence. I had myself begged Harry, after two or three talks with
Aunt Connor about it, not to say any more to her about claiming the five
hundred pounds. She had only her jointure, poor lady, and could not have
paid it without ruining herself. And, after all, she had always paid
Nurse Richards for me, and had kept me, and been kind enough to me. So
it was settled she was to keep it, and give us the five-and-twenty
pounds a-year. Not that she would allow, straight out, that she had it.
She always pretended it was somebody else that paid her the interest,
and that it was the very best investment in the world, and she wished
she could get as much for her money. Poor Aunt Connor! her pretence did
not deceive anybody; but I suppose it was a sort of comfort to herself.
I did not take any part in Harry’s questions at first; it was all I
could do to answer the girls, who wanted to know all how we were going
to travel, and everything about it. Patricia brought me down her warm
cloak that she had worn all last winter. She said, though it wasn’t new,
it would be a comfortable wrap for the journey, if I would have it; and
indeed I thought so too, though Harry, I dare say, would have made a
fuss about it, if I had consulted him. But when Aunt Connor really began
to talk about poor papa and mamma, I hushed the girls and listened. I
never had heard anything about them. It was natural it should be very
interesting to me.
“It was more from hearsay than knowledge, for, of course, Milly’s papa
was a great deal older than me,” said Aunt Connor, with a little toss of
her head. “He was forty when he married Maria, my poor Connor’s only
sister; and she was not very young either; and it went very hard with
her when Milly there came into the world; but though she died, poor
soul! he would not call the babe Maria, do what we would, but
Millicent, because it was the great name in his family. That was how we
came to hear about his family at all. His head was a little touched,
poor soul! He said what if she should come into the Park property after
all, and not be called Milly? He said Millicent Mortimer had been a name
in the family from the Conquest, or the Restoration, or something; and
the heiress that wasn’t Millicent had no luck. When he got weakly, he
maundered on for ever about his family. It was cousins or cousins’
children had the property, and one of them had jilted him. He used to
say, in his wandering way, that one would never come to good; _she’d_
never bring an heir to the property. But whether there were sons, or if
it was only a lady between him and the estate, or how the rights of it
were, I could not tell you. We used to think half of it was maundering,
and my poor dear Connor never put any faith in it. Except Maria Connor
that married him being not so young as she once was, not a creature
about knew Mr. Mortimer. He was an Englishman, and not much of a man any
how. No offence to you, Milly, dear; he was the kind of man that never
does any good after he’s been jilted; so, if you should happen to meet
with that cousin of his that did it, you can put out your anger upon
her. He left no particulars, poor man. I don’t believe it ever came into
his head that it might really matter for his poor little girl to have
friends that would help her on in the world. And to be sure, Milly was
but a year old when papa died.”
“But this was worth taking some pains and making some inquiries about,”
said Harry. “Where did those friends live? What county did he belong
to?--you must surely have known.”
“We knew no more than I tell you, Langham, dear. My poor dear Connor, as
I tell you, never put any faith in it. There’s some books in the house
belonging to him, that I was always to have sought out and given to
Milly. I’ll get them to-day, if I can, before you leave. But if you’ll
trust my opinion, I don’t think it’s the least good in the world. At the
best, he was but a distant cousin, if all was true, he said; and spoke
about his little girl proving heir after all, more in spite against her
that jilted him than anything else. Why, all he had, poor man, did not
come to but a trifle over five hundred pounds;--I mean--dear! what a
memory I have!--_three_ hundred pounds, for poor dear Connor put a large
slice to Milly’s little fortune. Now that’s all I have to tell you. But
I’ll get Milly her father’s books.”
And I have not the least doubt it was all she had to tell us; every word
she knew. But that very night we got the books just as we were packing
up. They were as damp and mouldy as they could be, odd volumes of one
thing and another; one of Shakespeare, with Richard A. Mortimer written
in it, and “Haworth” underneath; another was Hudibras; another was an
old French school copy of Racine, with “Sarah Mortimer, the Park, May,
1810,” upon it, and in it an old pencil drawing all curled up at the
edges, and rubbed out in some places, of a great house with trees and
gardens round it, and a young lady mounting her horse at the door;
scribbled at the corner of this, in a strange scratchy hand, was a kind
of little inscription: “Sarah as I saw her last, and the Park--I wonder
was I in love with them both? R. M.” The last of this was evidently
written at a later time than the first. But that was all. Not a single
clue to papa’s grand friends, who they were, or where they were. I dare
say there are a hundred thousand parks in England, and, unless we could
find it out from the drawing (which, I am sorry to say, was a very poor
one. Harry, being disappointed and spiteful, took the pains to point out
to me that the house was leaning up against the trees, and off the
perpendicular, and that the young lady was on the wrong side of the
horse), there seemed no information at all in poor papa’s books. Poor
papa! it was very cruel of Harry! most likely his heart was breaking
when he drew “Sarah as I saw her last.” Do you say he might have put her
on the right side of the horse for all that, you cruel savage? Perhaps
there were tears in his eyes all the time, Mr. Langham. _You_ are not
sentimental. I dare say you would not cry if you were looking at _me_
for the last time. But that has nothing to do with poor papa. I have no
doubt he must have been a very feeling man.
However, we did not make anything out of the books; and I am sure I
should not have said half so much about it except that Harry really took
an interest in it which quite surprised me. I never expected to turn out
an heiress, nor cared much whether I had grand relations or not; and a
journey with Harry in that sweet September weather was far too
delightful to let me think of anything else. It was as good as a wedding
tour.
CHAPTER VI.
The regiment was ordered to Edinburgh; and it was there we went
accordingly in that lovely autumn weather. I don’t think Harry quite
liked to hear me talk of Nurse Richards and the way she brought me up;
but he was pleased enough to take walks with me all round that castle
which was the centre of my recollections. At first we used to spend
every leisure moment we had wandering up and down the steep walks, and
always pausing to look up at the great precipice of rock. It was like a
friend to me, rising up out of the soft tiers and green slopes of grass:
the two churches down at its foot looking so mean and tiny beside it.
People should not build churches there. I almost think even a great
noble cathedral would look shabby under the shadow of that rock; and
only to think of that dreadful West Church and the other one! how they
can dare venture to stand there and don’t move and crumble down of
themselves! They would if there was any feeling in stone.
We got our lodgings out to the south of the castle, two nice little cosy
rooms. It was not a fashionable quarter, to be sure, nor were the rooms
very grandly furnished; but we had _such_ views from the windows! The
Castle Rock, with its buildings jutting on the very edge, and yet
standing so strong and firm; the harsh ridge of the crags behind, and
the misty lion-head over all, gazing like a sentinel towards the sea.
And it was not these only, but all the clouds about them. Such dramas
every day! Now all sweet and serene like happiness; now all thundery and
ominous like a great misfortune; now brightened up with streaks of home
and comfort; now settling down leaden-dark, and heavy like death itself,
or despair. I never was poetical that I know of; but it was like reading
a very great poem every day to live in that little house at Bruntsfield.
Harry enjoyed it as much as I did. We lived the very cheapest that ever
was. We never went out anywhere; for Harry had always a little society
with his brother officers and at mess, and I had him, and old Mrs.
Saltoun, our landlady, to talk to when he was away, and was as happy as
the day was long. All the pleasantest recollections I had as a child
were connected with this place; and when I looked out of my window at
night and saw the lights shining up on the top of the Castle Rock, and
the stars higher still glimmering out above, or the moon revealing out
of the dark where Arthur’s Seat lay quiet, couched like a sentinel; and
heard the recall trumpet pealing out high into the clear air, my mind
used to wander from dear Nurse Richards, and the stories she used to
tell me, back to my great happiness now. When Harry found me at the
window crying to myself, he thought I was low-spirited. Low-spirited! I
was crying for pure happiness; because I was too happy to tell it, or
put it in words, or show it anyhow else.
All this time we had never heard a single word from Harry’s uncle who
promised him the present on his birthday. This uncle was the only
relation he had except some cousins whom he did not know much about. He
was very near as friendless as I was; only that he remembered his father
and mother perfectly well, and had been brought up at home, which made a
great difference. Harry of course had written to his uncle to say what
had occurred; and he had never answered the letter. He was an old
bachelor, and rather rich; and if he did not take offence, and nothing
happened, it had always been supposed that Harry was to be his heir;
though I did not know this till after we were married and could not
untie ourselves, however angry any one might be.
One day, however, Harry came home to me with a wonderful face. I could
not tell, though I knew what his face meant pretty well by this time,
what it was that day; whether he was angry, or disappointed, or vexed,
or only bursting with laughter. It turned out he was all of them
together. He tossed a letter on the table, and laughed and stamped his
foot, as if he did not quite know what he was doing.
“By Jove, it’s too absurd!” cried Harry; for I could not get him to
leave off that stupid exclamation: but I thought it must be a little
serious too, as well as absurd, by the look in his eye.
And what should it be but a letter from his uncle, declaring that,
though nothing else would have induced him to do such a thing, yet, to
punish Harry’s rashness and presumption, he had made up his mind to a
step which everybody assured him was the most prudent thing he could do,
and which it was only a pity he had not thought of sooner; this was, in
short, that he had married as well as Harry. Enclosed his nephew would
find cards addressed to his new wife: and, as for the expenses of such
an undertaking, he assured Harry that it would be ridiculous to look
for any assistance to a man in similar circumstances with himself. On a
clear understanding of which he could certainly afford to wish his
nephew joy,--but nothing else,--for he meant now to have heirs of his
own.
Harry stared at me while I read this letter with a sort of angry fun and
indignation in his face, which would turn either one way or another, I
could see, according to how I received it. I cannot say I was the least
disappointed. I threw down the letter, and clapped my hands and laughed.
It was the most whimsical letter you could imagine; and, as for the
birthday present, or any other assistance to us, I had never looked for
it since Harry wrote what we had done.
“Weel, weel, it’s no ill news, that’s a comfort. But, Captain, you
maunna come in rampaging and disturbing the lady when we’re no looking
for you,” said Mrs. Saltoun, who had been sitting with me. “Now I’ll
gang my ways ben the house; and you ken where to find me, Mrs. Langham,
my dear, when you want me again.”
I had it on my lips to beg her not to go away, but stopped in time, for
Harry naturally, though he likes her very well, does not take comfort in
the good old lady as I do. When she was gone he laughed out again, but a
little abruptly, and not as if he felt particularly happy about the
news.
“Why, Harry, what’s the matter; did you expect anything?” said I.
“Well, not exactly, to be sure,” said Harry, with a half-ashamed look;
“except the first moment when I recognised the old fellow’s handwriting.
I did think it would be pleasant, Milly darling, to get some little
comforts about you just now.”
“I have quantities of comforts,” said I; “and such a jewel of an old
lady to look after me when you are away. There is nobody in the world so
lucky as me.”
“Lucky!” said Harry, with a little shout. “If you should turn out a
great heiress to be sure; that’s always a possible contingency,
according to your Aunt Connor. Otherwise, with all sorts of things going
to happen to us, and only my subaltern’s pay----”
“Mr. Langham, you forget my five-and-twenty pounds a year!” cried I.
And how do you think the savage answered me? “The old witch!” exclaimed
Harry, “to think of her stopping your simple mouth with that ten pounds!
I’d have seen her ducked, or burned, or whatever they do to witches,
before I’d have taken it!--and cheating you out of your little morsel of
fortune! How long do you suppose you’ll get your five-and-twenty
pounds?”
“As long as poor Aunt Connor can pay it,” said I. “Things might come in
the way to be sure; but she _means_ to pay it regularly, and always will
when she can. What makes you so discontented, Harry? We have enough for
to-day, and God knows all about to-morrow.”
“Ah, yes! but He’s far off, Milly, to a poor fellow like me. How can I
tell that He cares much what’s to become of us,--unless, indeed, it were
for your sake.”
“Oh, Harry, Harry! how dare you say so!” cried I. “And see how good He
has been to us two orphans. Neither of us had any home or any one
belonging to us; and only look round you _now_!”
Do you think it was not very much that he had to look round upon?--a
little room, low-roofed, and humbly furnished. It was nothing to any
other man or woman in the world; but we were two of us together in it,
and it was our home. Could I help but cry when I thought how different I
was from Aunt Connor’s niece in the nursery? And Harry was just as
thankful as I was, though he had his little pretences of grumbling like
this now and then. Does anybody think he was really anxious, either
about his uncle’s present that was never to come now, or my five hundred
pounds that was not much more to be relied on, or what was to happen to
us? No! he was no more anxious than I was; only now and then he
pretended to make a little fuss about it, and to be wanting something
better for me.
CHAPTER VII.
We were nearly two years in Edinburgh; and it was there, of course, that
baby Harry came into the world. He made a great difference in many
things. I could not go out to walk with Harry any longer; I could not
even sit and talk with him so much, and, however economical I was, it
could not be denied that already three of us cost more than two of us
had done. It is strange enough, but still it is true, baby, bless him,
brought thorns upon the roses that came with him into the world. Harry
had not lived in a family since his father died long ago; he had lived a
young man’s life, and had his own fastidious fancies like (I suppose)
most young men. He was very much delighted when baby came, but he was
not so much delighted when baby was always with us, and occupying almost
all my time and attention; and it fretted him when he saw traces about
that once nice cosy sitting-room, which was nursery now as well as
dining-room and drawing-room; even baby’s basket, all trimmed with white
muslin and pink ribbons, which he thought very pretty at first, annoyed
him now when he saw it about; and when I had to stop talking to him in
order to see after baby, he would first laugh, then bite his lip, then
whistle, then go to the window, and after a while say he had better
smoke his cigar outside while I was so busy. I dare say this cost me a
few tears, for of course I thought there was no occupation in the world
so sweet as nursing baby, and was sadly disappointed just at first that
Harry could not be content to watch his pretty ways every moment as I
did; however, I had to make up my mind to it. And as it was my business
to mind Harry as well as his son, I had to think it all over in my mind
what was to be done. It was hard work considering what was best; for to
think of getting a servant upon our small means went to my very heart.
At last one day I formed a great resolution, and took Mrs. Saltoun into
my confidence.
“Here is how it is,” said I, “I must have a maid to help me with baby
when Mr. Langham is at home. Men can’t understand things; they think it
so odd to see one always with a baby on one’s lap; especially when they
have not been accustomed to anything of the sort. Mrs. Saltoun, I shall
be obliged to have a maid.”
“I told you so, my dear, the very day the lammie was born,” said Mrs.
Saultoun; “but I’m one that never presses my advice. I know experience
is far more effectual than anything I can say.”
“But look here--I can’t afford it--it’s a disgrace to think of such a
thing with our small means, while I am perfectly strong and quite able
to take care of him myself; but what can I do?” said I.
“My dear,” said Mrs. Saltoun, “poverty’s dreadful, and debt is worse;
but it’s heaviest of all the three to make a young married man
discontented with his ain house. Dinna be affronted; I’m no saying a
word! the Captain’s just extraordinary; but he’s no the lad to be second
to the baby for a’ that; and it’s nothing to sigh about. Thae’s just the
kind of troubles every woman has to set her face to, as sure’s she’s
born. My dear, however much ye canna afford, you’ll have to contrive.”
“Well, I have been thinking. If you will promise faithfully never to
tell anybody, and keep my secret, and above everything, whatever you do,
never let Harry know!” cried I.
“I’ll promise,” said Mrs. Saltoun; “but I’ll not promise to give my
consent unless it’s feasible and in reason; and no unbecoming the
Captain’s bonnie young wife.”
“The Captain’s wife!--ah, if he were only the Captain!--but he’s just a
subaltern yet,” said I; “however, you will be disappointed if you think
I am meaning anything great. I can’t do anything to bring in money, and
I am sure Harry would not let me if I could. No--it’s only--oh, Mrs.
Saltoun, if you would help me!--I could get up all the linen myself. I
_can_ do it, though you may not think so. All Harry’s things that he is
so particular about, the laundress here never pleases him; and baby’s
frocks. I think if you would contrive to help me, I could save so many
shillings a week. I’ll do those pretty collars of yours and your fine
caps, and you shall see how pretty they’ll look.”
“But your pretty bits of hands, my dear?” said Mrs. Saltoun; “a small
matter of work betrays itself on a lady’s hands that’s not used to do
anything. They would let out your secret, however well I kept it. What
would you do with your hands?”
“But it will not hurt my hands--such beautiful clean work--it is quite a
lady’s work,” said I; “and then I can put gloves on when I am done, and
get some of the kalydor stuff. Besides, it will be only one day in the
week.”
Mrs. Saltoun sat thinking it over, but she could not say a single word
against it. If I couldn’t have done it, it might have been slow work
learning; but I had a genius for it! Ah, hadn’t I ironed out Aunt
Connor’s lace much oftener than the clear-starcher did! So here was
something at once that could be saved; and nobody knows how dreadful the
laundress’s bill is when there’s a baby in the house; so now I thought I
might venture to try and look for a maid.
“My great terror was you were thinking of giving lessons, or selling
some trumpery of fancy work, begging your pardon, my dear,” said Mrs.
Saltoun; “for the young ladies now-a-days would a’ break their necks to
_make_ money, before they would take a step out of their road to save
it; and indeed, you’re not far wrong that clear-starching is lady’s
work. It takes nice fingers, dainty, clean, and light. I was in an awfu’
fright it was lessons on the piano, or handscreens to take into the
Repository. But it’s really very reasonable for a young creature of your
years; if you’re quite clear in your own mind you can take the
responsibility of shirts. Of all the things I’ve seen in my life I canna
remember that I ever saw a man what you could call perfectly pleased.”
“I am not afraid about that; but remember, you have promised solemnly,
upon your honour,” said I, “never, whatever you do, to tell Harry!”
“I’ll keep my word. But what put it into your head, a sensible young
woman like you, to go and run away with the like of a young sodger
officer, that everybody knows have scarcely enough for themselves, let
alone a wife? And if it’s hard work now, what will it be when you’ve a
large family? and how will you ever live or keep your heart if he goes
to war?”
“Mrs. Saltoun, don’t speak!” cried I; “what is the use of making me
miserable? He is not going to the war to-day. It is not certain there is
to be a war at all. Why do you put such dreadful things in my mind? If
he goes I’ll have to bear it like the other soldiers’ wives; but do you
suppose I have strength to bear it now beforehand, before the time? God
does not promise anybody so much. If such a dreadful, dreadful thing
should be, I’ll get strength for it that day.”
The good old lady did not say a word, but stroked my hand that was
resting on the table in a kind of comforting, coaxing way. I looked up
very much alarmed, but I could not see anything particular in her face.
I suppose she was sorry for me only in a general sort of way; because I
was young, and poor, and just beginning my troubles. So strange! I was
pitying her all the same for being old, and nearly at the end of hers.
How different things must seem at that other end of the road! Some of
her children were dead, some married, close at hand so far as space was
concerned, but far distant lost in their own life. I dare say when she
liked she could go back into memory and be again a young wife like me,
or an anxious middle-aged mother like her own daughter-in-law--and here
it had ended, leaving her all alone. But she was very cheerful and
contented all the same.
Harry came in while I was busy with planning about my new maid. After I
had decided that she would have to sleep somewhere, and wondered why
neither Mrs. Saltoun nor myself had ever thought of that, I had begun to
wonder what sort of a person I should get; whether, perhaps, she would
be a dear good friend-servant, or one of the silly girls one hears
about. If she were a silly girl, even, there might be good in her. But
here Harry came in, and my thoughts were all dissipated. He looked a
little excited, and had a paper in his hand, out of which he seemed just
about to read me something. Then he paused all at once, looked first at
me and then at baby’s cradle, and his face clouded all over. I got
terribly alarmed; I rushed up to him and begged him to tell me, for
pity, what it was.
“It’s nothing but fancy,” said Harry. “I was going to tell you great
news, my Milly darling; but it came over me, somehow, what you would do,
and who would take care of you if you should be left alone with your
baby; even though I were not killed.”
“God would take care of us,” I cried out sharp, being in a kind of
agony. “Say it out--you are going to the war?”
“No, no; nothing of the sort; only look here. It has thrown us all into
great excitement; but we are not under orders, nor like to be,” said
Harry. “Don’t tremble--we are all safe yet, you foolish Milly. Look
here.”
Though I was leaning upon him, and he held the paper before my eyes, I
could not read a word. But I guessed what it was. It was the
Proclamation of War.
“Come out with me and hear it read at the Cross. It is to be done at
twelve o’clock. Come,” said Harry, coaxing and soothing me; “it is
something to see. Pluck up a heart, Milly! Come and hear it
courageously, like a soldier’s wife. But, oh! I forgot baby,” he said,
stopping short all at once with a soft of half-annoyed laugh.
“Baby shan’t prevent me this time,” I cried; for what between this
dreadful news and the excitement in Harry’s mind, and the sudden way he
stopped when he recollected I couldn’t rightly go out with him, I was
desperate. “Mrs. Saltoun will keep him till I come back; and he will not
wake, perhaps, for an hour.”
The old lady came when I asked her; and was quite pleased to sit down by
the cradle while I tied on my bonnet with my trembling hands. Harry was
very kind--very pleased. We went along winding up the steep paths,
through the gardens to the Castle, my favourite walk, and into that
long, grand, noisy old street with the yellow haze lingering between the
deep houses, down the long slope towards Holyrood. I could see the
people clearly enough about the streets, the little groups all clustered
about the outside stairs, and the stir of something going to happen. But
I could not look at the official people coming to say it again and make
it more certain. If the trumpet had been a gun and killed somebody, my
heart could scarcely have leaped more. Harry’s cheek flushed up; and I
could almost fancy I felt the blood stir and swell in the arm I was
leaning on. He was a soldier, and he forgot me as he held up his head
and listened. Just then I could not hold up my head. The trumpet sounded
to me, somehow, as if it came lonely out of the distance over some
battle where men were dying who had wives and babies at home. A woman
stood before me crying, and drew my attention for a moment. She dared
say out what was in her heart, because, though perhaps she was no
poorer, she was not a lady like me. “Eh, weary on them! it’s your man
and my man that’s to pay for their fancies,” she was saying among her
tears. “Glad! do ye ask me to be glad at sound o’ war? If our regiment
doesna gang the day, it’ll gang _some_ day. I’ve five weans that canna
fend for themsels’, and I’m a sodger’s wife. God help us a’!” I dropped
my veil over my face to hide my eyes from Harry, and slid my hand out of
his arm--he, all excited in his soldier-mind, scarcely knowing it--to
speak to my neighbour who had spoken to my heart. I had nothing to give
her but my hand and my own troubled fellow-feeling, too deep and sore to
be called sympathy. “For I am a soldier’s wife, too; and God help us, as
you say!” I cried in her ear. She wiped off her tears, poor soul, to
look at me as Harry drew me away. She and the other woman with her
whispered about us as we went away through the crowd. They forgot their
own anxiety to pity “the poor young thing, the young lieutenant’s wife.”
I know they did, the kind creatures; for one of them said so another
day.--God help us all, soldiers’ wives!
“But do you know this is like a little coward, Milly darling,” said
Harry, as we walked home, when he found I could not speak, “and foolish
as well. _We_ are not going to the wars.”
“If you are not going to-day, you will go some day,” I cried, with a
sob. She said true, poor soul; I felt it in my heart.
“To be sure we shall,” said Harry; “and you care neither for glory nor
promotion, nor to have your husband do his duty, you poor-spirited
Milly! But you can’t act Lady Fanshawe now; you will have baby to
comfort you at home.”
“Do you mean that you are going?” cried I.
“Hush, hush! why this is like a child. I am not going. But, Milly,
understand; if I don’t go some day, I shall be wretched. Make up your
mind; you are a soldier’s wife.”
So I went home with this in my heart. Oh, my poor little economies, my
little vulgar cares about the housekeeping! And perhaps he was going
away from me to be killed. But hush, hush! I could not be Lady Fanshawe
any more, now that there were three of us in the world; and Harry said
the truest love would stay at home and pray.
CHAPTER VIII.
The very next day after that, while I was singing baby to sleep, sitting
all alone by the fire, there was a soft knock at the door. I said, “Come
in!” thinking it was Mrs. Saltoun, when there suddenly appeared before
me a figure as different as possible from the nice little cosy figure of
our good old landlady. This was an overgrown girl, fourteen or
thereabouts, in the strangest scanty dress. A printed cotton frock, very
washed out and dingy, so short as to leave a large piece of legs,
clothed in blue-grey stockings, uncomfortably visible; very red arms
that somewhat looked as if they were all elbow and fingers; a great
checked blue and white pinafore, much washed out like the frock, into
the breast of which the hands wore thrust now and then by way of relief
to the awkwardness of their owner; hair disposed to be red, and
superabundant in quantity, thrust back as far as was practicable under
the shade of a queer big bonnet, not only a full-sized woman’s bonnet,
but one ten years old, and made in the dimensions common at that distant
period. She stood at the door looking at me in a perfect agony of
innocent awkwardness, shuffling one foot over the other, twisting her
red fingers, holding down her bashful head, but all the time staring
with wistful eyes at baby and myself, and so sincere a look of awe and
admiration that of course I was touched by it. She did not say a word,
but dropped a foolish curtsey, and grew violently red standing at the
door. I could not think what such a strange apparition wanted with me.
“What do you want, my good girl?” said I at last.
“The mistress said I might come,” with another curtsey. Then, after a
violent effort, “They said you was wanting a lass.”
A lass! Here she was then, the first applicant for the new situation of
baby’s personal attendant! Oh dear, what a spectre! I had to pause a
little before I could answer her. Really, though I was not much disposed
to laughter, the idea was too ludicrous to be treated gravely.
“Yes, I want a lass;’ but not one so young as you,” said I. “I want
somebody who can take care of my baby. Who sent you to me?”
“The mistress said I might come,” answered the apparition; “I can keep
wee babies fine.”
“You can keep wee babies fine! How old are you?” cried I.
“I’m just fourteen since I was born, but some folk count different. I’m
awfu’ auld other ways,” said my extraordinary visitor, with a kind of
grotesque sigh.
The creature roused my interest with her odd answers and wistful round
eyes. “Shut the door and come here,” said I. “Do you know me? and what
tempted you to think _you_ could do for my servant? Were you ever in a
place before?”
“No; but I’ve seen you gaun by, the Captain and you, and I would be
awfu’ glad if you would let me come. There’s plenty things I can do if I
could get leave to try,” cried the girl with a wonderful commotion in
her voice. “I’ve nursed bairns since ever I was a bairn myself, and I
can wash, and I can sew. Oh, leddy, tak me! I’ll no eat very much, and I
dinna want no wage; and I’ll learn everything you tell me, for the
mistress says I’m awfu’ quick at learning; and I’ll serve you hand and
foot, nicht and day!”
“But, my poor girl,” said I, quite amazed by this burst of eloquence,
“why do you want so much to come to me?”
Upon this another extraordinary change came upon my would-be maid. She
fidgeted about, she blushed fiery red, she thrust her red hands into the
bosom of her pinafore, she stood upon one heavy foot, making all sorts
of wonderful twists and contortions with the other. At last in gulps,
and with every demonstration of the most extreme confusion and
shame-facedness, burst forth the following avowal. “Oh! because you’re
rael bonnie; and you smile--and oh, I would like to come!”
It was an extraordinary kind of flattery, certainly; but I felt my
cheeks flush up, and I cannot deny my heart was touched. I remember too,
when I was a little girl, taking fancies to people; I believe I might
have fallen in love with a lady and gone and offered myself to be her
servant, as likely as not if I could have done it. The uncouth creature
no more meant to flatter me than to offend me. She was deeply ashamed of
having made her confession. Her shame, and her admiration, and her
passionate childish feeling quite went to my heart.
“You are a very strange girl,” said I. “What is your name, and where do
you live? and do your parents know what you want with me?”
“They ca’ me Leczie Bayne. My father died six months since,” said the
girl, falling into a kind of vacant tone after her excitement, as if
this account of herself was something necessary to go through, but not
otherwise interesting. “I never had any mother, only a stepmother, and
lots of little bairns. She’s gaun back to her ain place, among her
friends, and I’m to be left, for I’ve naebody belonging to me. We live
down the road, and I used ay to see you gaun by. Whiles you used to
smile at me, no thinking; but I ay minded. And the folk said you we’re
awfu’ happy with the Captain, and had a kind look for everybody,--and
oh, leddy, I’ve naebody belonging to me!”
I could have cried for her as she stood there, awkward, before the
little fire, with great blobs of tears dropping off her cheeks, rubbing
them away with her poor red hands. I knew no more how to resist her, in
that appeal she made to my happiness, than if I had been a child like a
baby in my lap. The tears came into my eyes, in spite of myself. In the
impulse of the moment I had nearly broken forth and confided to her my
terror and grief about Harry, and this dreadful war that was beginning.
She took possession of me, like the soldier’s wife, with a nearer fellow
feeling than sympathy. Poor, forlorn, uncouth creature, she stood before
me like my old self, strangely transmogrified, but never to be denied. I
could not answer her--for what could I say? Could I cast her off, poor
child, led by the instincts of her heart to me of all people? And oh
dear, dear, what a ridiculous contrast to all the passionate, elevated
feeling of her story, could I take her all in her checked pinafore and
blue stockings, a pathetic grotesque apparition, to be baby’s nurse and
my little maid?
There never was a harder dilemma: and imagination, you may be sure, did
its very best to make things worse, by bringing up before me the pretty,
tidy, fresh little maid I had been dreaming of, with a white apron and a
little cap, and plump arms to hold my baby in. What could I do? and oh,
if I could not resist my fate, what would Harry say to me? How he would
shrug his shoulders and admire my good taste; how he would look at her
in his curious way as if she were a strange animal; how he would laugh
at me and my soft heart! I got quite restless as the creature stood
there opposite to me, twisting her poor foot and clasping her hands hard
as she thrust them into the bosom of her pinafore. I could not stand
against her wistful eyes. I grew quite desperate looking at her. Could I
ever trust my child in those long red arms that looked all elbow--and
yet how could I send her away?
“Lizzie, my poor girl,” cried I, remonstrating, “don’t you see I am
very, very sorry for you? But look here now: my baby is very young, not
three months old, and I could never dare trust him to a young girl like
you. You must see that very well, a girl with so much sense; and
besides, I want somebody who knows how to do things. I don’t think I
could teach you myself; and besides----”
Here I fairly broke down, stopped by the flood of arguments which rose
one after another, not to be defeated, in Lizzie’s round anxious eyes.
“But I dinna need to learn,” she cried out whenever my voice faltered
and gave her a chance. “I ken! I would keep that bonnie baby from
morning to night far sooner than play; if practice learns folk, I’ve
been learning and learning a’ my life; and I’m that careful I would
rather break every joint in a’ my body than have a scratch on his little
finger; and I can hem that you wouldna see the stitches; and I can sing
to him when he’s wakin’, and redd up the house when he’s in his bed. I’m
no telling lees; and I’ll serve you on my knees, and never have a
thought but how to please you, oh, leddy, if you’ll let me come!”
Could I resist that? I do not believe Harry himself could if he had
heard her. I gave in because I could not help myself. I did it in shame
and desperation, but what could I do? She was too many for me.
“Go down stairs and ask Mrs. Saltoun to come up,” said I.
She went off in a moment, almost before I could look up, and vanished
out of the room without any noise--I suppose because of the high
excitement the poor child was in. Mrs. Saltoun came up rather flurried,
casting very strange looks at Lizzie. When I saw the dear prim old lady
beside that extraordinary creature, and saw the looks she cast at her,
the ludicrous part of it seized hold upon me, and I was seized with such
a fit of laughing that I could scarcely speak.
“Mrs. Saltoun,” said I, “I don’t know really what you will think of me.
I am going to take her for my maid.”
Mrs. Saltoun looked at me and looked at Lizzie, who made her a curtsey.
She thought I had gone out of my senses. “It’s to be hoped it’s for
_lady’s_ maid and not for bairn’s maid then,” she said, with dreadful
sarcasm. If Mrs. Saltoun was so severe, what would Harry say.
“She is an orphan and all alone; and she says she understands about
children,” said I, humbly, in self-defence.
“Oh, if you please, I can keep bairns fine,” said Lizzie; “if ye’ll ask
the neebors they’ll a’ tell; and oh, if the leddy will try me, dinna
turn her against me again! I’m no a lassie in mysel. I’m awfu’ auld in
mysel. Afore harm would come to the baby I would die.”
“And, my lass, what good would it do the lady if ye were to die,” said
Mrs. Saltoun entering the lists, “after maybe killin’ her bonnie bairn?”
“I would a’ fa’ in pieces first!” cried Lizzie. “I would let them burn
spunks in my fingers, or crush my feet as they did langsyne; there’s no
a creature in the world I wouldna fecht and fell afore harm came to the
wean!”
Mrs. Saltoun was not prepared for such an address; nor for the true
fire of enthusiasm and valour that burned through Lizzie’s tears; but
she did not give in. I had the satisfaction to look on and listen while
the old lady demonstrated in the clearest way that she would never do,
without any particular regard for her feelings; and then quietly enjoyed
the triumph when Lizzie burst forth upon Mrs. Saltoun, and in two
minutes routed her, horse and foot. Half an hour after Mrs. Saltoun and
I sat contriving what dress could be got up on the spur of the moment to
make the creature presentable; and that very night, while Harry was at
mess, she sat in the little kitchen downstairs helping to make up a
fresh new printed dress for herself in a fashion which justified part of
her assertions, and with a rapidity which I could explain only under the
supposition that excitement had still forcible possession of her. I
confess I was myself a little excited; though she was only a girl of
fourteen and a servant, not to say the most grotesque and
awkward-looking person imaginable, it is wonderful what an effect this
sudden contact with so strange and characteristic a creature immediately
had. My fears about the war faded off for the moment. I could not help
being quite occupied with thoughts about the new-comer:--whether, after
all, I ever would venture to trust baby with her,--what Harry would say
when he saw that odd apparition;--whether I had only been very
foolish;--whether I might have resisted. Lizzie Bayne had made herself
the heroine of that night.
CHAPTER IX.
Two days after, when Lizzie made her appearance with a decently made
dress, long enough and wide enough to suit her stature, whatever might
be her age; with a clean collar, a white apron, and smooth hair, she
looked quite presentable. I cannot say she was good-looking; but,
undeniably, she looked a capable creature, and with her lively brown
eyes, good colour, and clear complexion might improve even in looks by
and by. But nobody could do anything for that grotesque awkwardness,
which belonged to Lizzie’s age, perhaps, rather than to herself. She
still stood upon one foot, and twisted the other round the leg that
supported her. She worked uneasily with her big hands, making vain
efforts to thrust them into the pinafore which recent improvements had
swept away; and she still hung her head in agonies of awkwardness and
self-consciousness. A creature so sensitively aware of observation, how
could she be trusted with the most precious baby in the world? I
repeated this five hundred times the first morning; but never once after
I had fairly ventured to place the child in her arms.
“What on earth is that sprite doing here? Has Mrs. Saltoun taken her in,
or where does she come from?” said Harry the first day. I felt quite
piqued and affronted. I felt myself bound to defend her with all the
earnestness in the world.
“Sprite! What do you mean? Why, that is my new maid, Henry, that I told
you of; and a capital maid she is,” said I, firing up with all the
consciousness of not having taken the wisest step in the world.
“Your new maid!” And Harry said, “Oh!” in the most aggravating manner in
the world. I am obliged to confess that Lizzie’s arrival, so much out of
the ordinary way, and the excitement of getting her up, of making her
fit to appear, and of testing her qualities, had very much aroused my
mind out of the heavy thoughts I had been entertaining a few days ago;
so that I was no longer so subdued nor so entirely devoted to Harry but
what I could be provoked with him now and then.
“There is nothing to cry out about; she is rather young, to be sure, and
not the most graceful figure in the world; but she’s good and grateful,
poor child, and I am quite content.”
“You must recollect though, Milly, that we can’t afford to keep anybody
for charity,” said Harry; “she does not look very gainly; and if she
can’t save you the half of your present trouble, I’ll turn out a tyrant,
I warn you, and send her away.”
“I am quite the best judge, you may be sure,” said I, with a little
internal tremor; “and I tell you I am satisfied. If you attempt to be
tyrannical, it is you who shall be sent away.”
“Ah, Milly darling, how’s that! I shall be sent away soon enough,” said
Harry, with a little sigh. “I have been thinking that all over since we
talked of it the other day. What, you’ve forgot, have you, Milly? Thank
heaven! I was only afraid you were fretting over it, and thinking where
I should send you to be safe when the time came and I had to go away.”
“Oh, Harry, how cruel!” said I. “I had got it out of my mind just then.
Now, I shall never forget it again. And where could you send me? What
would it matter, except to be near at hand for the post, and get the
earliest news.”
“Unless you were to go to your Aunt Connor; poor Milly,” said he with a
pitiful look at me.
“Have you got your orders?” cried I, clasping my hands.
He said, “Nonsense!” getting up hurriedly. “Indeed, Milly, you must
consider this question without thinking it is all over the moment I
speak of it; and don’t burden yourself with an unsuitable maid. You
know, whether we go to the Crimea or not, we are likely very soon to go
somewhere. The regiment cannot be long here.”
“Then, Harry, if there is nothing certain don’t let us talk of it,” said
I; “when one’s heart is to be broken, one cannot keep always
anticipating the moment.” “Don’t make any arrangements; when it comes,
that will be time enough. I shall care about nothing but letters. So
long as I can have letters I shall do.”
Harry stayed, lingering about me before he went out. “I am not so sure
that the Lady Fanshawe idea is a foolish one after all,” he said after
awhile. “What fetters you put a man into, you wives and babes! I wish I
only knew somebody that would be very good to you if I have to go away.
Nineteen! and to be left all by yourself in the world! It’s hard work,
Milly, to be a soldier’s wife.”
“If you don’t mean anything particular--if there’s no orders come--have
pity on me, and don’t talk, Harry!” I cried out. “When you must go, I’ll
bear it. I shall do as well as the other soldiers’ wives. I can never be
all by myself as long as you are in the world, though you should be ten
thousand miles away. Don’t talk of it. I shall get strength when the day
comes; but the day has not come nor the strength; don’t put me to
needless torture, Harry.”
“I won’t,” he said again, with that little sigh, and went away leaving
me very miserable. Oh! if all this happy life were to finish and come to
an end. If I was to waken up some dreadful morning and find him gone,
and all the light gone out like the light in a dream! I durst not think
upon it. I got up and rushed about my little occupations. Lizzie came
upstairs when I was taking baby, who had just woke from his morning
sleep, out of the cradle. She stood, shy and doubtful, looking at me,
seeing in a moment that I was not so cheerful as usual. Poor child, with
a strange self-recollection that was quite natural, but seemed very odd
to me, she thought she had something to do with it. Her countenance fell
directly. She came sidling up to me with her heart in her face. Mrs.
Saltoun had taught her some faint outlines of common conventional
civility, and succeeded in substituting “mem” for “leddy” in her style
of address. She came up to me accordingly, with the tears ready to
start, and every sign of grieved disappointment and restrained eagerness
in her face. “Oh, mem,” cried Lizzie, “have I been doing wrong? Are you
no pleased wi’ me?” The words went to my heart, I cannot tell how. It
made me see more clearly than a dozen sermons how we were every one of
us going about in a private little world of our own. To think that her
shortcomings, the innocent grotesque creature, should throw me into such
trouble! What a strange unconscious self-estimation that was not
selfishness! In spite of myself, the load at my heart lightened, when I
smiled up at the girl.
“Lizzie,” said I on the impulse of the moment, not thinking that I might
perhaps wound her; “if we did not suit each other, should we quite break
our hearts?”
Lizzie coloured high, made a momentary pause, and dropped her queer
curtsey, “Eh no, mem, no you; I couldn’t expect it,” said Lizzie, with a
long sigh. Then, after another pause: “If it was a’ to turn out a dream
after twa haill days; and, to be sure, it’s three days coming; but if it
was a’ to come to naething after a’ this,” smoothing down her new dress,
“and a’ the thoughts I’ve had in my mind, eh me! I think I would have
nae heart ony mair either to break or bind.”
Now, perhaps there was not very much in these words; but they were so
exactly what I had been thinking myself, that they seemed to make a new
link between me and my odd child-maid.
“That is just what I have been thinking--but with far, far more reason,”
said I; “for, oh, Lizzie! war’s proclaimed, and Mr. Langham may have to
leave me; it might happen any day; and what should I do alone?”
“Oh, mem, dinna greet!” said Lizzie loudly: “dinna let tears fa’ on the
wee baby; but I ken what you would do. Just nurse the bairn, and pray
the Lord, and wait. If you were sending me awa’, it would be never to
come back again; but if the Captain gangs to the wars he’ll come hame a
great general; maybe he would have a ribbon at his breast and a Sir at
his name!” cried Lizzie, glowing up suddenly. “Eh, wouldna we a’ be
proud! You might weary whiles, but the Captain would never forget you,
nor be parted in his heart, if he was ten thousand miles away.”
“You strange little witch,” said I, crying, with the strangest feeling
of comfort, “you say the very words that come into my heart!”
The creature gave me a bright affectionate look, with tears in her brown
eyes. “And please can I take baby out for a walk?” she said, immediately
falling back into her own department, with her little bob of a curtsey.
“I’ll gang before the windows to let you see how careful I am. It’s the
bonniest morning ever was. Eh, mem, if you’re pleased, I’ll ay see the
sun shining,” cried my nursery-maid.
And I actually did trust her with my precious baby, and stood at the
window watching her with breathless anxiety and satisfaction for a whole
hour, afraid to lose sight of her for a moment. Steady as a judge walked
Lizzie, grand and important in her “charge,” disdaining the passing
appeals of “neighbours,” marching along on the sunny side of the
way--for it was already cold enough to make that necessary--shading the
child’s eyes with such adroit changes of his drapery and her own,
preserving him from the wind at the corners, and picking her steps over
the unequal road with such care and devotion, that I could have run
downstairs and kissed her on the spot. The sight, somehow, drove half
the bitterness of my thoughts out of my head. The sky was clear with
that “shining after rain” which has so much hope and freshness in it.
The wind was brisk, with plenty of floating clouds to knock about.
Before us, in the clear air, the castle rock looked almost near enough
to have touched it, with the sun shining on its bold grey front, and all
those white puffs of clouds blowing against and around it, like heavenly
children at their play. How it stood there, everlasting! How the sun
smiled and caressed those old walls where Harry was, and warmed and
brightened the cheerful bit of road where, to and fro, before my eyes,
unconscious in his baby state, went Harry’s son. Ah, me! to-day is
to-day, if one were to die to-morrow. I was too young to grope about for
darkness to come, and lose the good of this beautiful hour. Besides,
does not the good Lord know all about to-morrow? Beginning and end of
it, one thing with another, it pleases Him. Presently we shall have it,
and strength for it. So, away till your time, you dark hour! just now it
is not God, but an enemy who sends you. The light is sweet, and it is a
pleasant thing to behold the sun.
CHAPTER X.
When Harry came home that evening, I knew he had something to tell me;
but after the first start was over, I felt sure it was not anything
painful from the look of his face. I may venture to say now that he was
a very handsome young man in those days; but the thing that first drew
my heart to him was the way he always betrayed himself with his face.
Whatever he was feeling or thinking, you could tell it by his eyes; and
if he sometimes happened to say anything he did not think, as happens to
everybody now and then, his eyes woke up to a kind of sly, half ashamed,
half amused expression, and let you know he was fibbing in the oddest
way in the world.
“I almost fell upon a discovery to-night,” said Harry. “What should you
have thought, Milly darling, if I had brought you home word about your
father and that estate you are to come heir to? I actually thought I was
on the scent of it for ten minutes at least.”
“But it was a mistake,” said I, very quietly.
“I confess, so far, it was a mistake; but still we may hear something,”
said Harry. “You have heard me talk of old Pendleton scores of times.
Fancy how I looked when he began about Haworth, a little town in
Yorkshire, all sorts of stories, as if he knew all about it. After I had
sat out a dozen anecdotes of other people, I asked him if he knew any
Mortimers there. Oh yes, yes! he said briskly, old Mortimer lived in the
brick house opposite the church; famous old fellow before he got so very
rheumatic and useless--had a son about Pendleton’s own age. And here he
shook his head: ‘Never did any good, sir! never did any good! Jilted in
early life, and never got over it.’ You may suppose this made me prick
up my ears.”
“My father!” said I.
“To be sure! it could not be anybody else; but it was your grandfather
whom old Pendleton would keep talking of. I asked very closely all about
him. It appears he only died about ten years ago; long after your
father, Milly, and seems to have been tolerably rich, according to
Pendleton. There’s none of the family remaining, Pendleton says. The red
brick house is all falling to ruins; and how the money went, or whether
there was any money, he can’t tell. I have a strong idea of making some
inquiries about it. Don’t you think it would be worth while?”
“It seems to me of late that you’re always thinking about money. Why is
it?” said I. “Why should we go and trouble ourselves about people that
have never inquired after us.”
“You simpleton!” cried Harry. “Who cares whether they like us or no; but
that red brick cosy house for my Milly darling, and a little comfort to
console her--it would take all the pricks out of my pillow when----”
“Don’t talk, Harry. I’ll not listen to you. I’ll have no inquiries
made,” cried I, in desperation. “Every time I comfort myself a little
you pull me back again. To-night I am very happy and content, and don’t
care for your to-morrows. Be quiet and let my grandfather alone, if I
ever had one. What do I care for him? He was either in debt and had no
money to leave, or he was living on an annuity, or he endowed a
hospital, or something. And the red brick house of course is in
Chancery. Let the old gentleman alone. I’ll tell you about baby. He
certainly noticed Mrs. Saltoun’s bird swinging in its cage to-day.”
“Nonsense! Pendleton is to write to his brother, who lives there, and
ask for all the particulars. He says your grandfather was a character,”
said Harry. “He belonged to some good family: Welsh, Pendleton
thinks--but professed to scorn all that, and called his son after
Arkwright, the cotton-spinner; that’s what the A. means in your father’s
name. By Jove! I wouldn’t write myself Richard Arkwright if I could help
it. What humbug it is giving fellows other people’s names! They must
have had a fancy for it in those days. Guess what Pendleton’s own name
is? He signs himself E. B. quite modestly. It’s Edmund Burke, upon my
honour!”
“Well,” said I, “we have only got three names among us; and they are all
simple enough.”
“Oh, so is Richard Arkwright when it’s a man’s own name,” said Harry.
“Now what do you think of my discovery? I confess I think it’s something
to know where one’s family belong to. If I could only have taken you to
our dear old Rectory, Milly. What a pleasure it would have been to have
thought of you there! I could have watched you all round every turn of
the garden, although I had been at the other end of the world.”
“You are not going to the other end of the world; and we have no claim
upon the Rectory now, any more than on my grandfather,” said I. “Here is
a cup of tea for you. Now do be content; and don’t talk, Harry; at least
not on that subject. Of all the places in the world I like Edinburgh, a
little to the south of the Castle, and close upon Bruntsfield Links.”
“You have no imagination, Milly,” said he. “However, we’ll hear what old
Pendleton says; and if there is anything known about it I should be very
much tempted, little as we have at present----”
“To throw our poor good money away,” cried I. “You who grudged baby his
pretty hood! Oh, Harry, Harry, what wild fancies have you taken into
your head?”
“To make my Milly a refuge when I’m away. Not so wild, after all,” he
said to himself softly. I made a noise with my teacups, and would not
hear him. It was hard work keeping cheerful when he would return and
return to the same subject. Sometimes I trembled and wondered, with a
sudden pang, was it a presentiment? But all the presentiments I ever
heard of were sudden and did not last; and it was natural enough, too,
that he should be anxious. If he did have to leave me, would not I work,
or beg, or steal, or anything, to have everything comfortable for _him_?
I forgave Harry for looking out for a home for his poor little wife; but
yet every time he spoke of it, it went to my heart.
And I must say for myself that I never had the least hope either from my
unknown relations or Harry’s. I could not believe in a grandfather, nor
any cold strange people belonging to me. If I had friends they should
have shown themselves friendly when I needed it most. Now I thought, in
my pride, I did not want to know anything about them. I pictured to
myself an old morose man, that would have nothing to say to his poor
son’s only child. In my mind I took quite a prejudice against the very
place, and dreamt all that night of a mouldy old red-brick house, with
endless passages, and little steps now and then to throw one down and
break one’s limbs in the darkness. Somehow, both Harry’s imagination and
mine fixed on that old red-brick house. _He_ thought it would be
pleasant to settle me in such a place. _I_ had the most frightful
fancies about it. I could see myself going about the old grey faded
rooms, and Harry away at the war. I could see a pale creature, that was
me, go wringing her hands down the old staircase, and trembling at the
window waiting for the post coming in. I could see dreadful shadows of
scenes that might be when the letters came, which I would not look at,
but could not shut out of my heart. Harry did not think how he was
torturing me when he spoke of that old red-brick house. It seemed,
somehow, as if all my fears took solid form, and became real when they
got a shelter to house themselves in. I grew superstitious, as most
people do when their hearts are in great trouble. Going on from less to
more I came to settle upon this as a token for evil. If anyhow, by any
dreadful chance, something should come of it, and I should ever have
that house in my power, then I should know that the light was to depart
from me, and that I was to be set down, all by myself, and desolate, to
wither down and pine to death where my hard-hearted grandfather had
died. In my own mind, and without saying anything to anybody, I settled
upon this sign; and grew so assured of it, just by fancying things,
that, if I had heard that my grandfather had left me a fortune, and that
we should be comfortable all the rest of our lives, I should have sunk
down as if the intelligence was a blow. To be poor and happy, and have
our own way to make, seemed just enough, somehow; and in my superstition
I almost thought God would punish us for wanting more. I thought if
wealth should possibly come, happiness would fly away. I made sure if
Harry got his will it would be death to me. The thought of it put a new
terror into my life. His going away was not now the first thing I was
afraid of. I was afraid of his finding that home for me that he was so
anxious about--that place where I could be comfortable without him.
Every grief in the world came to be implied and suggested to my mind by
the mention of that red-brick house.
CHAPTER XI.
“Oh yes, I am very fanciful, I know I am; but if Harry would only be
content, and let me be happy while I can,” said I, trying, but without
success, to gulp down my tears.
“Mrs. Langham, my dear, the Captain canna be content, and it stands to
reason,” said Mrs. Saltoun; “and being anxious, as a good man should, to
provide for his wife and his bairn, will no take him away an hour sooner
than if he were a reckless ne’er-do-weel, that cared neither for the
tane nor the tither. Be reasonable, and let him speak. He’s young and
you’re young; and you’re neither o’ ye that wise but ye might thole
mending. It’s a real, discreet, sensible thing o’ the young gentleman to
try his very utmost for a home for his wife if he has to go away.”
“If you have taken his side I shall give up speaking,” said I. “What do
I care for home, or anything else, if he is away?”
“But you care for the Captain’s peace of mind, Mrs. Langham, my dear,”
said Mrs. Saltoun; “that’s far different. Maybe the truest love of a’
would make itself content to be left in splendour for the sake of a
comfortable thought to them that’s going on a far different road. I
wouldna say but the thought o’ your safety would lighten mony an hour of
danger. Mony’s the strange thing I’ve seen in my life; but eh! when ye
have them that ye maybe mayna have lang, gie them their will! Let him
have his ain way, and gang in wi’ him if ye can. There’s mony a young
wife like you would die cheerful, or do ony hard thing in the world for
her husband, but canna see her way just to do _that_. Gie him his will!
I was ower late learning that mysel’.”
The very tone in which my good old lady spoke plunged me deeper and
deeper into my agony of alarm and terror. I did not take her words for
what they meant. I went aside to draw terrifying inferences from her
tone and the sound of her voice. She thought he would go, I
concluded--perhaps she had heard already that marching orders had
come--she thought that he would never come back again, if he did leave
me. Anxiety and fear seized hold upon me so forcibly that I never
stopped to think that Mrs. Saltoun had no means of knowing, any more,
or even so much as I knew, and that she could not possibly be better
informed on this point than I was.
“And now tell me about your family, Mrs. Langham, my dear. I’ve come
across half the folk in the country, I might venture to say, one time
and another. I was on the continent for three years with my old
gentleman,” said Mrs. Saltoun; “it’s just astonishing to say such a
thing, but if you’ll believe me, a person gets better acquaint with
their own country folk, that is, meaning the higher ranks o’ life, in
foreign parts than at home. It’s maybe just a glance and away, that’s
true; but them that has good memories minds.”
“And were you really abroad?” said I, feeling a little interested in
spite of all my trouble; “and who was your old gentleman?--not----”
“No, no, nobody belonging to me. I had the charge of his house and his
young family, that he had no business to have at his age; an auld fuil
of a man that had married a young wife, and lost her, and was left, past
seventy, with four young bairns. Mortimer? wasn’t that _your_ name, my
dear? Eh? I mind of a Miss Mortimer made a great steer among a’ the
English one season; and among mair than the English by bad fortune. She
was counted a great beauty; but I canna say she was like you.”
“No, indeed, not likely!” cried I.
“I would rather have your face than hers though,” said kind Mrs.
Saltoun. “Bless me, now I think of it, that was a very strange story.
There was a Count somebody that followed her about like her shadow.
Except her beauty, I canna say I ever had much of an opinion of her. She
was very heartless to her servants, and, for all the admirers she had, I
think her greatest admirer was herself; but between you and me, my dear,
men are great fools; she had ay a train after her. To be sure she was
said to be a great fortune as well. I canna think but that poor Count
was badly used. Counts are no a’ impostors, like what we think them
here. He was a real handsome gentleman, that one. He was with her
wherever she went for a year and more. Some folks said they were to be
married, and more said they were married already. _That_ was ay my
opinion;--when, what do you think, all at once he disappeared from her,
and for a while she flirted about more than ever; and then she went
suddenly off and home with her father. I would like to hear the rights
o’ that story. When a woman’s a witch,--and I canna think a great beauty
without a heart is onything else--most other women take a great
interest in finding her out. Fools say it’s for envy; but it’s no for
envy, my dear. You see beauty doesna blind a woman; we can ay see what’s
going on underhand.”
“And what became of her?” said I.
“That is just what I never heard. That is the worst of meeting in with
folk abroad; you see them once, and you, maybe, never see them a’ your
days again,” said Mrs. Saltoun. “To be sure, you commonly hear of them,
one way or other; but I never heard of the beautiful Miss Mortimer
again. It’s five-and-twenty years ago, if it’s a day, and she was far
from young then. That poor Count--I canna mind his name--was a good five
years, if no more, younger than the witch that kept him at her call. I
took a real spite against that woman; for you see she was just at the
over-bloom, and yet took a’ the airs of a young queen. I wouldna wonder
in the least but, after a’, she was married and wouldna own to it. There
was nae heart in her.”
“But if she was married, how could she help herself?” said I.
“That is what I canna tell,” said Mrs. Saltoun; “there’s wheels within
wheels, especially in foreign parts. Maybe the Count wasna a grand
enough match, maybe--I canna tell you; it’s a’ guess-work; but I am very
sure of one thing, that she was not an innocent woman, with nothing on
her conscience when she went away.”
“I hope she is no relation of mine,” said I. “Harry has found out that I
had a grandfather, and all about him. Oh, only suppose, Mrs. Saltoun,
this dreadful beauty should turn out to be my aunt! That _would_ be
delightful!” I said to myself after a while, with a kind of bitter
satisfaction; “not to live in the red-brick house alone, but to live
with a dreadful old beauty who would be sure to be haunted. That would
be purgatory, enough, to please anybody; and Mortimer is not at all a
common name.”
My old lady looked up at me half frightened. “Don’t say such a thing,
Mrs. Langham, my dear. I would not say a word against any person’s
character, far less one that might turn out a relation of yours. But,
for all that I’ve no right to interfere, I would set my face against the
like of you setting up house with ony such person. I would speak to the
Captain mysel’. Hout! here I’m taking’t up as if it was true; but if it
should be so that, in the order of Providence, the Captain was to go,
you mustna take up just with ony relation without considering if they
would make ye happy. You must be careful where you go--you must----”
“Happy?” cried I. It seemed like mockery and a kind of insult;--as if I
could be happy when Harry, perhaps, was in danger, perhaps wounded or
ill, in suffering, and away from me!
“Whisht, whisht,” said Mrs. Saltoun. “I ken ye better than ye ken
yourself. It’ll be hard, hard work at first; but when the parting’s over
you’ll get hopeful, and think o’ the meeting again; and ye’ll ay get
letters to cheer ye; and with the baby and the sun shining you’ll be
happy before you ken. But I maunna have ye settled down with the like of
yon Miss Mortimer. Na! na! naething like that, if she were twenty times
an aunt. Far better stay on still with me, that would ay be coming and
going to cheer you up. Yon’s a woman without a heart. I must speak to
the Captain mysel’.”
Though I was much nearer crying that being amused, I could not but laugh
at Mrs. Saltoun’s anxiety about her Miss Mortimer, whom there was not
the very slightest reason to suppose any relation of mine. I took up the
idea myself, I must say, with quite a ludicrous sort of uncomfortable
satisfaction. If I had a grandfather, why should not I have an aunt? Why
should there not be an old Miss Mortimer living in the red-brick house,
ready to take me in, and kill me slowly by degrees? I formed an
immediate picture of her--how she would look, and what she would say to
me. I fancied her dressed up in her old fashions, trying to look young
and a beauty still. How dreadful it must be to drop from being a great
beauty, and having everybody worship you, down to a mere old woman left
all by yourself! Poor old Miss Mortimer! If she was my aunt, and was
very cross, and discontented, and miserable, there might be something
different in the old red-brick house, that quiet, dead comfortable home
that poor Harry, in his love and kindness, was so anxious to find for
me. There would be some satisfaction in living a miserable life with an
ogre in an enchanted castle if Harry were away. Mrs. Saltoun’s words did
not alarm me; on the contrary, I grew quite curious about this imaginary
Miss Mortimer. I thought I could fancy her going about those faded rooms
which yesterday I fancied seeing myself in. Now it was her figure I saw
all alone by the fire. Had she got used to it, I wonder? or did she
chafe and beat her poor old wings against the cage, and hate the world
that had given over admiring her? I tried to spell out what kind of a
beauty she had been; but it was always twilight in the old-fashioned
room. Tall, to be sure, with grey hair that had been black, and proud
eyes all wrinkled up in their sockets. Poor old Miss Mortimer! I wonder
did she know that she had an orphan niece who was to be sent to her for
a comfortable home? Couldn’t I look again, and see myself come in, and
how she greeted me? I think I must have grown quite fantastic in my
troubles. I could not keep my thoughts away from Mrs. Saltoun’s great
beauty. All alone in the house that was falling into decay, what ghosts
must crowd about her! Did she see the Count she had ill-used oftenest,
or some other who was more favoured? How did she keep these phantoms off
from her in the silence? I kept going over all this as other girls go
over imaginary romances of their own; I knew what my own romance was;
but still I was only nineteen, and loved to dream.
And, perhaps, the consequence of this new turn to my thoughts was, that
I was more tolerant of Harry’s curiosity and anxious musing about my
father’s family, which had been revealed to him in that strange,
unexpected glimpse by Mr. Pendleton, the regimental doctor. I did not
stop him nervously when he began to talk of that favourite subject of
his thoughts. He was always coming back to it somehow. I could trace the
idea running through all he said. Not fancy and nonsensical imaginations
like mine; but serious, simple-minded anxiety, and an earnest concern
about the matter which would have broken my heart, had I not begun to
get used to it now. There was nothing talked about or heard of but the
war and the quantities of soldiers who were being sent away. Harry had
no other expectation or hope but to go too, and all his thought was, to
find a shelter for me. I could see it haunted his mind constantly, and
at last I gave in to it, that he might be eased on the subject. I used
to discuss it over with him where I should go--oh, only to go like Lady
Fanshawe, and be beside him, though he did not know! That was
impossible; so I let him talk, and smiled the best I could. Soon enough,
perhaps, we should have land and sea between us. Let him say what he
would. Let him arrange what he would. If it was a comfort to him, what
did it matter? The old brick house and Miss Mortimer would be better
than the happiest of homes. Who could wish to be happy while Harry was
away.
CHAPTER XII.
One day after this Harry came in with a letter in his hand.
“Here is news, Milly, darling; not such news as we expected, but still
news,” said he; “this is not how you are to become a great heiress,
certainly; but still it’s interesting. It turns out, after, all, that
your grandfather was not rich.”
“Oh! is it Mr. Pendleton’s letter?” said I.
“Pendleton’s brother has something to do with it,” said Harry, with a
little excitement; “there was not much money--not any more than enough
to pay the debts and give some presents to the old servants--but there
is the house. They had no funds to employ in looking up the heir, and
nobody cared to take much trouble. So there it stands falling to pieces.
Look here, Milly; it’s yours, indisputably yours.”
“But how about Miss Mortimer?” cried I.
Harry stopped short all at once as he was opening the letter, and stared
at me. “Miss Mortimer! who is she?” he said, in the most entire
amazement. He might well look surprised: but I had so entirely made up
my mind about her, and that she was living in the old house, that his
question was quite a shock to me.
“Why, Miss Mortimer, to be sure,” I said, faltering a little; and then I
could not help laughing at Harry’s astonished face.
“It appears that you know more than Mr. Pendleton does, Milly,” said he;
“there is no Miss Mortimer here. I suppose you are only amusing yourself
at my expense: but I really am quite in earnest. Mr. Mortimer’s house is
entirely yours. He had no child but your father; you are the
heir-at-law. I only wish there had been a Miss Mortimer. You may look
displeased, Milly darling; but think if there had been a good old lady
to take care of you while I’m away!”
“Oh, Harry, you don’t know what you are saying,” cried I; “that Miss
Mortimer was an old witch and beauty. Mrs. Saltoun told me that if she
should turn out to be a relation of mine, she would speak to you
herself, to say that I must not on any account go there.”
“Go where? What Miss Mortimer are you speaking of?” said Harry,
completely mystified.
Then I had to confess that I knew nothing of her, and it was all
imagination; and Harry shook it off quite lightly, and went on to talk
of this house. As if I ever could, after all my fancies, put Miss
Mortimer out of that house! As if she had not taken possession, a
wonderful old ghost, always to live and reign there! And, moreover, my
heart got quite chill within me as Harry spoke. This was my bad omen;
this was the sign I had appointed with myself for the coming of every
trouble. I got so pale, listening to him, that he was disturbed, and
grew quite anxious. Was I ill? What was the matter with me? I said No,
with a gasp, and let him go on. He read out of the letter all the
description of this dreadful house; but I am sure I did not need any
description. I saw it as clear as a picture; large rooms, to be sure,
with great faded Turkey carpets on them! a low broad staircase, with
myself coming down on the post-morning wringing my hands, and Miss
Mortimer sitting all silent by the fire; a large old garden with mossy
apple-trees, and a sun-dial somewhere about, some dozen bedrooms or so,
all hushed and solemn, as if people had died there. I am not sure that I
heard the words of Harry’s description; for what was she good? I saw it
perfectly well in my mind, far clearer than I ever could have known it
by words.
“And Harry,” cried I, with a start of despair, when he came to a pause,
“would you really have me go to live in such a place--a place I never
was in in all my life--a place I have no kind feeling about, nor
pleasant thoughts--only because it was my grandfather’s house, whom I
never saw, and who never cared to see me? I did not think you could have
been so cruel. Besides, it would be far too expensive. Servants would
have to be kept for it; and you must make up your mind that it would
kill me.”
“But it might sell for a good price,” said Harry, “and I might get you a
pretty cottage, where you pleased, with the money. I am going to write
to old Pendleton to tell him who you are and all about it. You have had
your own way with your first bit of fortune; but I should not at all
wonder, Milly darling,” he said, laughing, “if you were to offer it,
rent free, to your Aunt Connor, that she might find it a very eligible
situation. After such a description, Mrs. Connor is not the woman to
despise the red-brick house.”
“She might have it altogether, and welcome, for me,” said I. “Oh, Harry,
I can’t help thinking it’s an ill omened place. I could never be happy
there.”
“Who ever heard of an ill omen now-a-days?” said Harry, “it’s a pagan
fancy, Milly. For my part the idea rather captivates me. I should like
to live in the house my good father was born in. My bridegroom uncle has
it now. Don’t you think I had better write and tell him my little wife
is an heiress? However, perhaps the best thing will be to try and sell
the house.”
“Oh, much the best thing!” I said. That would be getting rid of it, at
all events; and as Harry would not leave off talking of it, I persuaded
him with all my might to get done with it so. We were both quite
confident that we had only to say who we were and get it without any
trouble. That, of course, was all very natural in me that knew nothing
about things, but Harry might have known better. He was quite pleased
and interested about it. I think he never was quite satisfied not to
know who I belonged to; but now that he had hunted up my grandfather, he
was quite comforted. And how he did talk of the pretty cottage he was to
buy me! Sometimes it was to be in England, in his own county; which he
naturally liked best of all places; sometimes near Edinburgh, where we
were, because I was fond of it. Sometimes we took walks and looked at
all the pretty little houses we could see. He had planned it out in his
own mind, all the rooms it was to have, and used to study the
upholsterer’s windows, and take me ever so far out of my way to see some
pretty table or chair that had taken his fancy. He said if he could only
see me settled, and know exactly what I was looking at, and all the
things round me, it would be such a comfort when he went away.
This going away was kept so constantly before my mind that I could not
forget it for a moment. I lived in a constant state of nervous
expectation. Every day when he came in I went to meet him with a pang of
fear in my heart. Such constant anxiety would have made a woman ill who
had nothing to do; but I was full in the stream of life, and one thing
counterbalanced another, and kept everything going. That must be the
reason why people do get strength to bear so many things when they are
in the midst of life. Young disengaged people would die of half the
troubles that middle-aged, hard-labouring people have; but I had a daily
dread returning every time Harry returned, and with a shiver of
inexpressible relief put off my anxiety to the next day, when I found
there was no news. All the evils of life seemed to crowd into that one
possibility of Harry’s going away. It was not that I feared any positive
harm coming to him, or had made up my mind that he would not come back
again; it was the sudden extinction of our bright troubled life that I
looked forward to, the going out of our happiness. I did not seem to
care where I should be, or what might happen after that time.
In the meantime Harry grew quite a man of business, and entered with
something like enjoyment, I thought, into the pursuit of my
grandfather’s house. He wrote to Aunt Connor for all the information
that could be had about my father, and for the register of his marriage
and my birth. He wrote a long letter to that Mr. Pendleton at Haworth,
who had, as he said, something to do with it; and old Pendleton, the
surgeon, came out to see me, and told me all he remembered about my
father. That was not very much; the principal thing was, that he had
heard of poor papa being jilted by a relation of his own, a great
heiress--in Wales, he thought, but he could not tell where. Of course
that must have been Sarah, in poor papa’s drawing, who was getting on
the wrong side of her horse; and “he never did any more good,” Mr.
Pendleton said. He lingered about at home for some time, and then went
wandering about everywhere. He had a little money from his mother, just
enough to keep him from being obliged to do anything; and the old
surgeon burst out into an outcry about the evils of a little money,
which quite frightened me. “When silly people leave a young man just as
much as he can live on, they ruin him for life,” said old Mr. Pendleton.
“Unless he’s a great genius there’s an end of him. Richard Mortimer,
begging your pardon, was not a great genius, Mrs. Langham; but he might
have been a good enough soldier, or doctor, or solicitor, or something;
or a cotton-spinner, as his name inclined that way,--if it hadn’t been
for his little bit of money. Langham, my boy, either have a great
fortune or none at all; it will be all the better for your heir.”
“We’ll have a great fortune,” said Harry. “The first step must be to
sell this red-brick house.”
Mr. Pendleton gave him an odd look. “There’s a saying about catching the
hare first before you cook it,” said the doctor. “Make yourself quite
sure they’ll give you a deal of trouble before they’ll let you take
possession; and then there’s no end of money wanted for repairs. The
last time I saw it, there was a hole that a man could pass through in
the roof.”
Harry looked aghast at this new piece of information; nothing that I
ever saw had such an effect upon Harry’s courage. He gazed with open
eyes and mouth at the disenchanter for a moment. I do think he could
see the rain dropping in, and the wind blowing, and damp and decay
spreading through the house just as clearly as I saw Miss Mortimer
sitting by the fire, and myself going down the stairs. After that I used
to think Harry was thinking of the house, whenever it rained much. He
used to sigh, and look so grave, and say solemn things about the wet
weather destroying property. And I cannot deny that I laughed.
Altogether, this house kept us in talk and interest, and did a good deal
to amuse us through this winter, which, without something to lighten it,
would have passed very slowly, being so full of perpetual anxiety and
fears.
CHAPTER XIII.
It was in spring that Harry came in one day with the news in his face;
at least I thought it was the news. Heaven help me!--I came forward with
my hands clasped, struck speechless by the thought, my limbs trembling
under me so that I could scarcely stand. I suppose Harry was struck by
my dumb agony. My ears, that were strained to hear the one only thing in
the world that I was afraid of, devoured, without being satisfied, the
soothing words he said to me. I gasped at him, asking, I suppose,
without any sound, to know the worst; and he told me at once, in pity
for my desperate face.
“No such thing, Milly darling. No, no; not to the war just yet. We are
only to leave Edinburgh, nothing more.”
I think I almost fainted at this reprieve; I could scarcely understand
it. The certainty of the other was so clear upon my mind that I almost
could have thought he deceived me. I sank down into a seat when I came
to myself, and cried in my weakness like a child; Harry all the while
wondering over me in a surprise of love and pity. I do not think he
quite knew till then how much that terror had gone to my heart.
“No, Milly, darling,” he kept repeating, looking at me always with a
strange compassion, as if he knew that the grief I was dreading must
come, though not yet; “take comfort, it has not come yet; and before it
comes you must be stronger, and able to bear what God sends.”
“Yes, yes, yes, I will bear it,” said I, under my breath, “but say again
it is not to be now.”
“No, we are going away to Chester,” said Harry, “be satisfied, I will
not try to cheat you when that time comes. We are to go to Chester to
let some other fellows away. Now you must pack again and be going,
Milly, like a true soldier’s wife.”
Ah, me! if that were all that was needful for a soldier’s wife! Somehow,
all that night after, I felt lighter in my heart than usual. I had felt
all this time as if the sword was hanging over my head; but now that we
were sent out wandering again, the danger seemed to have faded further
off. Nobody would take the trouble to send a regiment from one end of
the country to the other, and then send them right away. If they had
been going to the war, they would have gone direct from Edinburgh. It
was a respite, a little additional life granted to us. I sang my old
songs that night, as I went about the room. I could dare laugh to baby,
and dance him about. How he was growing, the dear fellow! He set his
little pink feet firm on my hand, and could stand upright. I showed
Harry all his accomplishments, and rejoiced over them. How thankful and
lighthearted I was, to be sure, that night! Harry kept watching me,
following me with his eyes in the strangest, amused, sympathetic way. He
was surprised to see the agony I was in at first; but he was still more
surprised to see how easily, as one might have said, I got over it now.
“And, Milly, what is to be done with the sprite?” said Harry.
“Lizzie? what should be done with her? She is an orphan, she has nobody
belonging to her, she has taken shelter with me. Harry, no; we’re poor,
but we’re not free to think of ourselves alone. Lizzie shall go too. She
is God’s child, and He sent her to me.”
Harry did not say anything, but he kept slowly shaking his head and
drumming upon the table. Harry had the common people’s ideas rather
about responsibility. He was afraid of the responsibility. For all the
kindness in his heart he did not like to step into what might be other
people’s business, or to take up any burdens that did not lie in his
way.
“Besides, she is the best servant in the world. She is worth all Aunt
Connor’s three maids. I can trust her with baby almost as well as I can
trust myself; and, besides,” said I, rather hypocritically, “look at the
creature’s laundry work; you never were so pleased before.”
“Well, that is rather astonishing, I confess,” said Harry, looking at
his fresh wristband with a little admiration. “I don’t believe those
awkward red fingers ever did it. She must keep some private fairy in a
box, or have made an agreement with a nameless personage. What if poor
Lizzie’s soul were in danger on account of your fine linen, you
hard-hearted Milly! I do not believe you would care.”
“Ah! you can’t deny her talents in the laundry,” cried I, with a little
injudicious laughter. “What a triumph that is! You never were content
with anybody’s work before.”
Harry looked at me rather doubtfully. “You look very much as if you were
a little cheat,” he said. “I’ll have a peep into the laundry one of
these days myself.”
“But Lizzie must go with us,” said I. “I have taken very much to the
strange creature. You and I are God’s orphans too. We have a right to be
good to her; and it is not all on one side--don’t think it, Harry; she
is very good to me. She helps me with all her might, and stands by me
whenever I want, or tries to do it. I had rather have her than
half-a-dozen common servants. Leave this to me.”
“But consider, Milly, what you are making yourself responsible for,”
cried Harry.
I stopped his mouth; I would not let him speak; and danced away with
baby all in my joy and comfort to put him to bed. We met Mrs. Saltoun on
the stairs in the dark, and as she kissed the child, I kissed my good
old lady out of the fulness of my heart. “We are going away, but it is
only to Chester; we shall be together still,” I said in her ear. I never
thought how strange she would think it that I should be pleased to leave
her, or how she might wonder at my spirits getting up so easily. I was
very happy that night.
Lizzie was putting all baby’s things away when I went into the room. She
folded and laid them all aside more nicely than I could have done it
myself; not, so far as I know, because orderliness came natural to her,
but because, with all her heart, she had wanted to please me, and saw
with her quick eyes how it was to be done best. When anybody looked at
Lizzie, and she knew it, she was just as awkward as ever. How I had
laboured to make her hands and her feet look as if they belonged to her,
without twisting up or going into angles! but it was all of no use.
Whenever anybody looked at Lizzie, she would stand on one foot, and seek
refuge of an imaginary pinafore for her hands; but just now, in the
firelight, when you could only half see her, you cannot think how tidily
and nicely the uncouth creature was going about her work.
I paused before the fire after the child was in bed. “Lizzie,” said I,
standing in the warm light, and looking down into it, “do you like
Edinburgh very much?” I did not look round for her answer, I waited till
she should come to me; and yet felt pleased to see her, with “the tail
of my eye,” as Mrs. Saltoun would have said, flitting about after one
thing and another, through the pleasant darkness, with the firelight all
glimmering and shooting gleams of reflection into it, shining in the
drawers, and chairs, and furniture, which Lizzie’s hands had rubbed so
bright. I could not help thinking, with a little pride and
self-complacency, that it was all my doing. If I had not taught her, and
taken pains with her--but then, to be sure, if she had not been
wonderfully clever and capable; the one thing had just as much to do
with it as the other. But, between her exertions and my own, I had been
very successful in my little maid.
“Edinburey?” said Lizzie, coming up to me, with a lingering sound in
that genuine Edinburgh tone of hers, “eh, mem, isn’t it rael bonnie?
They say there’s no such another bonnie town in the world.”
“But there are, though,” said I; “they say quantities of foolish things.
Lizzie, the regiment is ordered away.”
Lizzie clasped her hands together, and gave a shrill shriek. “I’ll waken
the wean, but I canna help it. Eh, what will we do?” cried Lizzie, in a
voice of suppressed and sharp despair. “I heard you say once you would
die, and if you die, so will the bairn, and so will I; and what heart
would the Captain have to come hame again? He would throw himself upon
the spears, the way they do in the ballads, and get his death. Mem!”
cried the excited girl, seizing my arm and stamping her foot upon the
floor in an impassioned appeal to my weakness, “if ye dinna bide alive,
and keep up your heart, he’ll never come hame!”
I cannot explain what an extraordinary effect this had upon me. The
sudden flush of excitement and desperate necessity for doing something
to inspire and hold up my weakness, which animated Lizzie, cast a new
light upon myself and my selfish terror. She cared nothing about
affronting or offending me, the brave primitive creature; she thought
only of rousing, pricking me up to exert what strength I had. Her grasp
on my arm, her stamp on the floor, were nature’s own bold suggestions
to arrest the evil she dreaded. I should not give way, or break down--I
should not send away my soldier unworthily, nor peril the life on which
another hung, if Lizzie could help it. What I had escaped for the
moment--what I should have to go through with by and by, came all up
before me at her words. She whom I was proud of having trained for my
service had a braver heart than me.
But when I could explain to her the real nature of the case our position
changed immediately. Lizzie’s countenance fell; she hung her head, and
relapsed into all her old awkwardness. It was neither the bold young
soul, resolved, come what might, to inspire me with needful courage, nor
the handy little maid busied with her work, but the old uncouth Lizzie,
not knowing how to stand or look for extreme awkwardness and eagerness,
that stood gazing wistful at me in the firelight. She stood with her
lips apart, looking at me, breathless with silent anxiety, muttering as
she stood, with an incessant nervous unconscious motion, the physical
utterance of extreme anxiety. She made no appeal to me then; but, like a
faithful dog, or dumb creature, kept gazing in my face.
“And so we shall have to go away,” said I, somewhat confused by her
eyes; “and you are an Edinburgh girl, and people know you here. I could
recommend you very well, and you might get a better place; you must
think it all over, and decide what we must do.”
Lizzie’s face showed that she only understood me by degrees; that she
should have any choice in the matter not seeming to have occurred to
her. When she fairly made it out, she gave a joyful shout, and another
little cry; but plunged me into the wildest amazement, the moment after,
by the following question, in which I could find no connection whatever
with the subject under hand.
“Mem,” said Lizzie, “is a’ the Bible true alike--the auld Testament as
weel as the New?”
“Surely,” said I, in the most utter surprise.
“Then I know what I’ll do,” cried the girl; “I’ll bring you a hammer and
a nail, and you’ll drive it into the doorpost through my ear.”
“What in the world do you mean, child?” cried I,--“are you laughing at
me, Lizzie? or is the girl crazed.”
“Me laughing? if you would do it I would greet with joy; for the Bible
says them that have the nail driven through, never gang out ony mair for
ever, but belong to the house. Mrs. Saltoun mightna be pleased if it
was done in the parlour, but down at the outer door it might be nae
harm. Eh, mem, will ye ask the Captain?” cried Lizzie, “and then I’ll
never leave ye mair!”
Just then Harry called me downstairs, and all laughing, and with tears
in my eyes, I hurried down to him, not knowing whether to be most amused
or melted.
Harry had something to consult me about, which he plunged into
immediately, so that I had still had no opportunity of propounding
Lizzie’s petition, when, all at once, about an hour after, she made her
appearance at the door. I never saw the creature look so bright; her
eyes were shining, her colour high, her breath coming quick with
agitation, excitement, and a mingled thrill of joy and terror. In one
hand she carried Mrs. Saltoun’s great hammer, in another a rusty iron
nail; and her resolution had removed at once her awkwardness and her
reverential dread of Harry. She came up to him with a noiseless air of
excitement, and touched him on the sleeve; she held out the hammer and
the nail without being able to speak a word. He, on his side, looked at
her with the utmost amazement. Lizzie was too much excited to explain
herself, or even to remark his astonished look; she had come to prove
her allegiance in the only way that occurred to her. I believe, in my
heart, that she longed for the grotesque extraordinary pang which was to
make her my bondslave for ever; the spirit of a martyr was in the
child’s heart.
When Harry understood the creature’s meaning you may imagine what a
scene followed. I had to send Lizzie away lest her highly-wrought
feelings should be driven desperate, by the agonies of laughter it threw
him into. I took her outside the door and put away the hammer, and gave
her a kiss in the dark. I whispered in her ear, “That shall be our bond,
Lizzie; we will take it out of the New Testament rather than the Old,”
and left her sitting on the stairs, with her apron thrown over her head,
crying her heart out. No one, from that day forward, has ever spoken of
leaving Lizzie behind again.
PART III.
THE LADIES AT THE HALL.
(_Continued_).
CHAPTER I.
I cannot tell what it was that made me silent about this adventure while
we were having tea. My mind was naturally full of it, but when, having
the words just on my lips, I looked at Sarah, some strange influence
held me back. That reluctance to speak of a matter which will turn out
painful to somebody I have felt come across me like a sort of warning
more than once in my life; and this time it was so powerful, that during
our meal I said nothing whatever about the matter. You are not to
suppose, though, that I was so good a dissembler as not to show that I
had something on my mind. Little Sara found me out in a moment. She
said, “What are you thinking of, godmamma?” before we had been two
minutes at table, and persecuted me the whole time,--finding out
whenever I made any little mistake; and, indeed, I made several, my mind
being so much occupied. Sarah, on the contrary, took no notice; she
seemed, indeed, to have recovered herself a good deal, and had a very
good appetite. She never talked much at any time, and had said less than
usual since ever little Sara arrived. So what with my abstraction and
Sarah’s quiet occupation with herself, there was not much talk, you may
suppose. Little Sara Cresswell’s eyes, however, quite danced with
mischief when she saw me so deep in thought. She kept asking me all
sorts of questions; whether there was any bit of the road haunted
between the Park and the village? whether I had got some sermons from
the rector to read? whether Dr. Appleby had been trying some of his new
medicines (the doctor was certainly too much given to experiments) upon
me? whether I had met anybody to frighten me? Tea was all but finished,
and I had just rung the bell, when the little plague asked this last
question; and you may imagine I was quite as much inclined to tell all
my story as Sara was to draw me out.
“Now I’ll just tell you what I think has happened, godmamma,” cried
Sara. “One of your old lovers has appeared to you, and told you that,
but for you, he might have been a happy man; and that all his troubles
began when you refused him. Now haven’t I guessed right?”
“Right? Why, I have told you a dozen times, Sara, that I never had any
lovers,” said I,--“not till I was forty, at least.”
“But that is no answer at all,” cried the little puss. “And the poor man
might die for you, when you were forty, all the same. Was it himself,
quite pined away and heart-broken, that you saw, godmamma, or was it his
ghost?”
“Hush, you little provoking thing,” said I; “you and I had a quarrel
about an Italian the other evening. Now I know a deal better about him
than you do, Sara. He is all the ghost I met.”
I gave a glance at Sarah, sidelong, as I spoke. I am sure what I said
was light enough, and not very serious, but her ear had caught it; it
was a sign to me that she was still as much on the watch as ever. She
did not speak, nor lift up her head, except with a little momentary
start, but _she stopped knitting_, which was something extraordinary to
me.
And little Sara flushed up; whether it was with the recollection of our
quarrel, or a private interest of her own in the young stranger, who, to
be sure, being a handsome young man, and mysterious, and romantic, was
quite likely to excite a foolish young imagination, I cannot tell; but
her cheeks certainly reddened up at a great rate, and she looked exactly
as if she were ready to pounce and bite, what between curiosity and
wrath.
“I met him on the road; it is my belief he passed the gate the other
evening when I was looking out. Poor young man! he speaks very good
English for an Italian,” said I.
Then Sarah’s whisper interfered and stopped me; she spoke very sharply.
“Who are you speaking of?” she said; “there are no Italians here.”
“There is one,” said I; “poor fellow. Little Sara there knows about
him. It appears he came expecting to find a lady hereabouts, and can’t
find her. I can’t think on the name myself; I never heard it that I know
of; but I must allow that the young man looks like a gentleman; and for
an Italian----”
“Be silent, Milly! What can a person like you know?” said Sarah, in an
irritated shrill tone. “They’re a double-minded, deceitful, intriguing
race; they’re vile story-tellers, every one; they’re a people no more
fit to be considered like other Christians than dogs are, or slaves.
Bah! What do you mean talking to me of Italians? None of you are the
least aware of what you are speaking of. I know them well.”
Here little Sara struck boldly into the breach, and saved me from the
necessity of struggling out an answer.
“Godmamma, you are frightfully unjust!” cried little Sara. “I wonder how
you can speak of a whole people so; and such a people! as if everybody
in the world did not know who they are, and what they have done!”
“They have done every kind of fraud and falsehood in existence,” said
Sarah, so earnest that her voice sounded like a sort of smothered
shriek. “I tell you, child, whoever trusts or believes in them gets
deceived and betrayed. Don’t speak to me of Italians--I know them; and
if any Italian comes here pretending to ask anything,” she said,
suddenly turning round upon me, and catching at me, if I may say so,
with her eye, “mind you, Milly, it’s a cheat! I say, recollect it’s a
cheat! He does not want any living creature; he wants money, and profit,
and what you have to give.”
If she had said all this quietly, and there had been nothing beforehand
to rouse my attention, I should not have been surprised; for to be sure,
that was very much like what I had always believed; and as for lying,
and seeking their own advantage, I rather think that is just about what
an English person, who knows no better, thinks of most foreigners, right
or wrong. But Sarah’s way of speaking was breathless and excited. She
was no more thinking of Italians in general than I was, or than little
Sara was. She was thinking on some one thing, and some one person; she
alone knew who and what. All her anger, and her quickness, and her
dreadful look of being in earnest, were personal to herself; and I
cannot describe to anybody how my sister’s unexplainable anxiety and
excitement bewildered and excited me.
“But, Sarah, you don’t know anything of this poor friend man; he may be
as honest as ever was. I do believe he is, for my part,” said I; “and
what he wants is----”
“Don’t tell me!” cried Sarah. “I don’t want to hear what he wants. How
should I know anything about him? Hold your tongue, Milly, I tell you.
What! you go and take a fancy to a young villain and impostor, and
neglect _me_!”
“Neglect _you_! but, dear, not for the poor young Italian gentleman’s
sake; you can’t think that!” said I, more and more amazed.
“You all neglect me!” said Sarah, throwing down her knitting, and rising
up in her passion. “I don’t want to hear of reasons or causes. You are
not to tell me what young impostors you may fish up in the streets, or
what ridiculous things your _protégés_ may want. Don’t say anything to
me, I tell you! I desire to hear nothing about it. Make up what pretty
romance you please, you are quite fit to do it; but I clear my hands of
all such matters--you shall not even tell them to me!”
And as she said this,--could I believe my eyes?--Sarah thrust her
footstool out of the way, pushed back her screen, and making a momentary
pause to search round all the dim depths of the room with her eyes, went
out, leaving us two, Sara and me, staring at each other. What had
affronted her? What could be the cause of her displeasure. She left her
knitting thrown down into the basket, and the Times lying on the chair
beside her seat. Nobody had done or said anything to displease her,
unless my mention of the young Italian had done it. What strange secret
irritation could be working in her, to produce these outbursts of
passion without any cause?
Little Sara stared at me with her bright eyes wide open, till Sarah had
quite gone out of the room; then the wicked little creature, struck, I
suppose, with something comic in my blank distressed look, burst out
laughing. I cannot tell you how the sound of her laugh, thoughtless as
she was, jarred upon me.
“Is this how you live so amicably at the Park, godmamma?” cried Sara.
“The people say you have the temper of an angel, and that nobody else
could live with godmamma Sarah. I never believed it was true till now.
You have the temper of an angel, godmamma. You forgave me the other
night when I was so naughty; you kissed me, though I did not expect you
would. And now here you have been kind to poor Italian Mr. Luigi, and
you have got paid for it. What have the Italians done to godmamma Sarah
to make her so savage at their very name?”
“Ah! that is the question--what is it?” said I. “God knows!”
“Then _you_ don’t know?” said little Sara. “Yet I could have thought you
did, you looked so.”
“How did I look?” cried I.
“As if there were a secret somewhere; as if you were thinking how
godmamma Sarah would take it; as if you were--well, just watching her a
little, and trying to see whether she cared,” said the observant little
girl.
“Was I, indeed? was I so? Ah! I deserve to be punished. What right have
I to go and dream over anybody’s looks and frame romances, as she says?
Heaven forgive me! I’ll go and beg her pardon. I did not mean to do it.
To think I should be so mean and suspicious! Little Sara, let me go.”
Sara held me fast, clinging with her arms round my waist--and her
provoking little face the little witch turned up close to mine. “Tell me
first what the romance was, godmamma?” said Sara. “She accused you of
it, and you confess; and I am sure a romance is far more in my way than
yours. Tell me, please, this very moment, what romance you are making
up? Has Mr. Luigi anything to do with it? Is it all about godmamma
Sarah? Tell me directly, or I don’t know what I shall do. Sit down in
this great chair, and begin--romance of real life.”
“Ah, you foolish little girl! there’s many a romance of real life you
durst not listen to, and I durst not tell you,” cried I. “I am not
making up any romance. Nonsense! Child, get up. I’ll tell you about your
Mr. Luigi, which is the only story in my head. He is looking for a lady;
but that you know----”
“Oh yes, and he can’t find her; the Countess Sermoneta,” said Sara, in
her careless way.
Just then, to my still greater wonder, Sarah returned to the room.
Evidently she had heard the child’s words. I saw her come to a dead stop
in the shadow close by the door, and put her hand upon her side, as if
she were out of breath and had to recover herself. What did this strange
flitting about mean? In her usual way she never moved from her seat,
except to go to dinner. Her going away was extraordinary, and her coming
back more extraordinary still. I could but gaze at her in amazement as
she came slowly up, threading through the furniture in the half light.
But Sara, who had still her arms clasped round me, had of course her
back to her godmamma, and did not see that she had come back to the
room.
“Wasn’t it the Countess Sermoneta?” said Sara, “I know he was asking
all over Chester for such a person, and was so disappointed. Did you
never hear of a Countess Sermoneta, godmamma? If you heard it once you
surely would remember the name.”
Sarah had stopped again while the girl was speaking. Could she have been
running up and downstairs that her breath came so quick, and she had to
make such pauses to recover herself? I could not answer Sara for
watching my sister, feeling somehow fascinated; but then, remembering
that Sara had detected me in anxious observation of her godmother, I
hurried on with the conversation to avoid any suspicion of that.
“That is just what I told the young man, my dear child--that I never had
heard the name,” said I; “but I promised to try all I could to get some
news for him. It is very sad he should be disappointed, poor young
fellow. I promised to ask Ellis, who has been centuries with the
Mortimers, you know; and I thought, perhaps, your godmamma and I, if we
had a talk together, might recollect somebody that married a
foreigner----”
Here I made a dead pause in spite of myself. Sarah had somehow managed
to get back into her seat. She was wonderfully pale and haggard, and
looked like a different creature. She looked to me as if all her powers
were strained for some purpose, and that at any moment the pressure
might be too much, and she might give way under it. I could not go on; I
stopped short all at once, with a feeling that somehow I had been cruel.
“Not to-night,” I said softly to Sara, “another time.” Sara was obedient
for a miracle. We broke off the conversation just at that point, with an
uneasy feeling among us that it had been far more interesting and
exciting than it ought to have been; and that the best thing to be done
was to bury it up, and conceal what we had been talking about. Such was
the immediate result of my easy promise to consult my sister. Sarah sat
very steadily through all that evening, remaining up even later than
usual. She took no notice of anything that was said, nor mentioned why
she went away. We were all very quiet, and had little to say for
ourselves. What was this forbidden ground?
CHAPTER II.
It is very odd, when there happens to be any one bit of tabooed ground
in a family, how impossible it is to keep off it. I daresay every member
of a household, above childhood, knows that, more or less. If there is
one matter that some two people are quite sure to disagree upon, whom it
is quite the business of your life to keep comfortable and on good
terms, isn’t that matter always turning up somehow? Doesn’t it float
about in the air, and hover over your head, always ready to poke in when
it is not wanted, and do what mischief it can? That is my experience, at
least. And it was so much the worse in our case, because little Sara had
no idea of keeping quiet, and no notion that her innocent mischief and
meddling could do any real harm, or have any worse effect than putting
her godmamma “in a passion.” Putting people in a passion was fun to the
thoughtless little girl; it never came into her little saucy
inconsiderate head that Sarah’s passion was not a flash of harmless
lightning like her own, or that it meant anything which could disturb
and overturn all my sister’s quiet life, and put me into a fever of
bewilderment and anxiety. For days after I kept carefully off the
subject, thinking it would be better to leave a polite message with
Ellis for the Italian young gentleman if he called, and say I was sorry
I could not get him any information, than to worry my poor sister, who
was so unaccountably disturbed by hearing of him. Not that Sarah said
anything about it; but she looked so haggard and anxious that it went to
my heart. She came down even earlier than usual and sat up later;
listened eagerly to all the conversation going on; sometimes, even,
missed her drive; sat on the watch, as one might have supposed; but when
she had gone out for her airing one day, I met the carriage,--and, can
you believe it, the very blinds were down! If, when all was quiet, and
nothing had happened, I used to wonder sometimes what sort of life she
had led when she was younger, what friends she might have had, and what
was her history when she was abroad, you may fancy how busy my mind was
on that subject now.
The more I thought it over, of course, the more I could make nothing of
it. And what do you think at last was the conclusion I came to? That
Sarah, being a great beauty, and always accustomed to admiration and
almost a kind of worship, had forgotten, poor dear soul, that Time had
changed all that, and that she was an old woman; and that she imagined
the Italian we talked of, to be one of her old lovers come here to look
for her, and was quite frightened he should see her, and know she was at
the Park, and disturb us all with his raptures and passions. After
turning it over for days and days, that was the very best explanation I
could come to. Why she should be so tragical about it, to be sure, I
could not tell. Perhaps she thought the story of all her old gay doings,
if they were to come to my ears, would not sound just what a quiet old
maid like me would approve of. Possibly, it might be somebody she had
jilted that she was frightened to see; perhaps she was afraid of that
Italian revenge one reads of in books. I do suppose people are still
stabbed out of jealousy and revenge in Italy; and everybody carries a
stiletto about him. If that was what Sarah thought of, no wonder she was
frightened, poor dear. And I must say it quite went to my heart to see
her so anxious and unsettled, watching every word that was said, and
turning her keen eyes towards me--for she would not yield to change her
seat, so that she might see for herself who came in--every time the door
was opened, to know who it was by my face; and, above all, going out
that dreary drive with the carriage blinds down, carrying all her dismal
thoughts with her! If she would only have confidence in me, what a
difference it would make! I could very soon have relieved her mind about
it, I am sure. What was it to me if she _had_ been very gay and foolish
when she was young? that was all over, and she was my very own sister.
To think that I should stand upon my dignity, or blame Sarah for
anything that was past. But then she was so proud! she always was so
proud! she would never own to being less than perfect. The best thing
was to disabuse her mind, if possible, and to make it evident that this
Italian was a young man, far too young ever to have been a lover of
Sarah’s. A lover! why, she might have been his mother as far as age was
concerned--and that he was seeking, quite openly, an entirely different
person. If I had been a courageous woman I should have gone through with
my story the first night, and most likely saved my poor sister a great
deal of unnecessary anxiety. But I never was brave at going into
disagreeable conversation. I can’t say I ever was clever at conversation
at all. And when a person runs away with a mistaken idea, and you can’t
manage to get it out of her head, and the further you go the worse it
becomes, what can you do? I tried to nerve myself up to going into it,
but I could not. Whatever it was, it made her vastly uncomfortable, that
was evident; and really when Sarah gets into her passions there is no
reasoning with her, and I get flustered immediately, and she won’t
listen to explanations. So on the whole I never had a more troublesome
piece of business on my hands.
As for little Sara Cresswell, she was the greatest tease and plague that
ever was in a house. She worried me morning and night about the romance
I was making up, and did not hesitate the least to carry on her
persecution before Sarah, who looked at her with a kind of silent rage,
which the saucy little puss never found out. But occupied and troubled
as my mind was, it was impossible not to be amused at that inconsistent
little creature and her goings on. She had brought out two great trunks
with her, big enough to have held the whole of my wardrobe for winter
and summer, though she knew very well we saw no company, and never
required her to dress in the evening. And as for her lace and worked
muslin, and all that foolish extravagance, that is so much in fashion
again, there was no end to the store she had. Years before this I gave
her the name of puss in velvet, for a very good reason. What do you
think, at eleven years old, she had persuaded that poor innocent
helpless man, her unfortunate papa, to do? Why, to get her a velvet
frock, to be sure--not a pelisse, but a dress for evenings like any
dowager old lady! Did ever anybody hear of anything so preposterous? And
she kept up her fancy still, with velvet jackets, and even a little
ridiculous velvet apron all trimmed and ornamented. Poor Mr. Cresswell,
to be sure, was well off, and, indeed, rich in his way; but she might
have ruined any man with her extravagance; and as to being ashamed of
it, would lift up her face coolly, and tell you she never pretended to
want to save papa’s money. At the same time she was as great as ever on
the subject of dividing it all, and keeping just enough to live on. When
that condition of things came about, she was to have no servants, but to
do everything herself, and so were all the other people who were to
share poor Mr. Cresswell’s money among them. When she went into the
village with me she gave a wary eye to the cottages, how things were put
tidy--and was quite resolved she should do it all, and be as happy as
possible. But as for anything _genteel_, or middling, she scouted at it
with the greatest contempt in the world. It was as good as a play to
hear her. If my mind had been free to amuse myself, I should have quite
enjoyed Sara’s vagaries; but, as it was, I could only be amused and
provoked by them now and then. I do believe she was much happier at the
Park than at home. That big dull house, with all the unchangeable
furniture, was not a place for a fantastical young girl; she poked about
the greenhouses in all the back corners where the gardener did not want
her, and where she was always sweeping down his flower-pots; she
rummaged through the great suites of rooms that nobody ever occupied;
she came into the library to help me with my accounts, and tease me out
of my wits; she went fishing about the house through all the nooks and
corners, and read all the old novels over again; and then she could not
persuade and worry me into doing everything she pleased, as she could
her father. I believe just at that moment Sara being at the Park was a
great comfort to me.
CHAPTER III.
One day in the week I found little Sara all by herself in the library,
very much engrossed about something. Indeed, she was in deep study, if
that was to be believed. She had the great volume of the history of the
county spread out before her, and a “Peerage” by her side; and at her
other hand were some trumpery little books about Chester, of the
handbook kind, Chester being, as everybody knows, a place of great
antiquity, and, indeed, a kind of show place in this part of the
country. She did not hear me when I came in, and as I came to an
astonished pause behind her, quite bewildered to know what the little
kitten could want with that great book, it was impossible she could see
me. She was quite at the end of the county history, going over all the
details about the families, and looking up the peerage, I could see, to
find out all the connections and collateral branches. What could the
child be so anxious about? Not our family, certainly, for we had no
collateral branches. Just once for an instant, it shot through my mind,
that her father might somehow have put that sly secret idea of his own,
that, if she played her cards well, we might leave her heiress of the
Park, in little Sara’s head; but a moment’s thought convinced me that
there was nothing in that. She was far too bold and simple for any such
plan; she would have repeated it out to me directly and scorned it; and
she had not an idea of the value of wealth, or what was the good of
being very rich. If I could have made her a Mortimer, she might have
thought twice about it, but not for being made simply an heiress; that
was a matter to which Sara was quite indifferent.
But if it could not be us, who could it be? Had the child, perhaps, an
admirer among some of the county families? I made a little rustle, I
suppose, as I stood watching her; for she turned sharp round, found me
out, and flushed up violently. In her hasty annoyance she threw the book
over, shutting it upon her morsel of a hand, and defied me, turning
round on her seat. Certainly if Mr. Cresswell had instructed his
daughter to be very good, and amiable, and conciliatory, he had taken
the very best plan to bring about a failure. Oh! but she was contrairy;
the poor dear unfortunate man, what a life he must have led with that
little puss!
“Godmamma!” cried Sara, with her eyes flashing, “I never knew that you
spied upon people before!”
“Nor did I,” said I, quietly. “You may flatter yourself you are quite
the first that ever found it out. Don’t crush your hand to pieces,
child! _I_ don’t want to know what you are about.”
On this the impatient little girl threw the book open again with a sound
that echoed through all the library.
“Everybody may know what I am doing! Now don’t be angry, godmamma, I
mean I quite intended to tell you if I found anything,” cried Sara.
“Look here, this is just what it is. You said you had promised to help
that poor Italian gentleman, and I know quite well you have never tried
yet to find out anything for him. You need not look suspicious. I am
interested about him. There is no harm in that, is there? If he were as
old as Ellis, and as fat as his servant, I should be interested in him
all the same.”
“Little Sara, never tell fibs,” said I. “I am just fifty, and you are
only seventeen; but _I_ should not be interested in him, all the same,
if he were old and fat, I assure you. Let me hear, now, what you have
been doing. You have nothing at all to do with him, remember; it was me,
and only me, he applied to; but let us hear what it is.”
“Oh, it is nothing at all,” said Sara in a disappointed tone. “I thought
somebody might be found out, in some of these books, that had married an
Italian. I like the ‘Peerage;’ it is the funniest thing in the world to
see how all the people are twisted and linked together like network.
Everybody in the world must be everybody else’s cousin, if all the
common people’s families were like the peers.”
“To be sure we are,” said I, “only so distant it won’t count; but I
don’t see what this has to do with what we were talking of before. Did
you find nobody that had married an Italian in all the ‘Peerage,’ Puss?”
“You are trying to make me angry, godmamma,” said Sara, “but I shan’t be
angry. There is no Countess Sermoneta, though I have looked over all the
county families, and all their connections that I can make out; and
papa, who knows everybody, does not know any such person, for I made him
think and tell me; and the only person I can think of who does know
is----”
Here little Sara stopped and looked very closely and keenly in my face.
“Who, child?” said I. “Not me, I am certain. Whom do you mean?”
“Can’t you guess?” “Why, godmamma Sarah, to be sure,” cried Sara. “I am
quite sure she knows who the Countess Sermoneta is.”
“Child!” cried I, “do you know what you are saying? Your godmamma Sarah!
how dare you think of such a thing!”
“Dare? is it anything wrong?” said Sara. “You are making a great deal
more mystery of it than I should do, godmamma. After all, it isn’t a bit
mysterious. Mr. Luigi wants to find this lady, and not knowing the
country, he has come most likely to the wrong place; and I am sure he
asks for her plain enough out. He could not do it plainer if she were
Mrs. Smith instead of Countess Sermoneta; and there is nothing secret
about it that I can see; only this, that godmamma Sarah knows her, and
is so cross she won’t tell.”
“Sara, Sara, don’t say so!” cried I, “you make me quite unhappy. How can
your godmamma, who never sets her foot out of doors, one may say,--for
she would almost see as much in her own chamber as out of the carriage
windows,--how could she possibly know a person no one else knows? And as
for being cross, I really consider it very disrespectful and unkind of
you, Sara. She never was cross to you. I am sure she has always been
very kind to you. You have had your own way so much, child, and been so
spoiled, that you think you may say anything; but I must say, criticism
on your godmothers----”
“I never criticised my godmothers,” cried Sara, starting up. “I may be
as wicked as you please, but I never did so. I said godmamma Sarah was
cross. Why, everybody knows she is cross. I never said, nor pretended,
she was cross to me; and as for kindness! you don’t expect me, I am
sure, to give you _thanks_, godmamma, for that!”
“What could you give me else?” said I, in some little surprise.
Sara stamped her little foot on the floor in vexation and impatience.
“Godmamma! what thing in the world could I give you but love?” cried the
provoking little creature. “You don’t suppose _thanks_ would do? I thank
Ellis when he opens the door for me, or anybody I don’t care for. I had
rather, if you could, you did think me wicked and ungrateful, than
suppose I would go and thank _you_.”
“The child understands!” said I to myself, with tears in my eyes. Ah!
what multitudes of people there are in the world who don’t understand! I
was taken by surprise. But Sara was of that disposition that she would
quarrel with everybody all round, and fight for her secret like a little
Amazon, before she ever would let anybody find out the real feeling that
was in her heart. If you think she threw her arms round me and kissed me
after that, you are quite mistaken. On the contrary, if she could have
pinched, scratched, or given me a good shake, she would have liked it, I
believe.
“But I want to know how this notion came into your perverse little
head?” said I; “how can your godmamma know, Sara? and what could
possibly make you imagine she did?”
“Why did you watch her so the other night?” cried Sara. “You saw,
yourself, she knew something about it. Didn’t she listen to every word,
and look as if she could have told us in a minute? and I am sure she
thinks it quite pleasant to keep up a secret we don’t know,” cried the
little girl that knew no better; “it quite interests her. I wonder how
people can have so little feeling for others. She is not sorry for poor
Mr. Luigi, nor concerned to think of all his loss of time and patience.
She would rather keep her secret than satisfy him. What can it matter to
godmamma Sarah, whether he finds the Countess Sermoneta or not?”
“What, indeed?” said I, with a sigh of bewilderment. That was just the
question I could not answer. What had she to do with it? and by what
strange witchcraft was it, that Sara and I had both instinctively mixed
her up with this business of which, to be sure, in reality she did not,
she _could_ not know anything? How dared we come to such conclusions
with only looks to build upon! Seeing my own thoughts thus reflected in
little Sara, I became quite shocked at myself.
“Child, it is quite impossible she can know anything about it. Both you
and I are infatuated,” cried I. “How can Sarah possibly be mixed up in
such a matter? It is the merest folly. She doesn’t even know your Mr.
Luigi, nor who he is, nor the very name of the lady he is looking for.
It is nonsense, Sara, quite nonsense. How is it possible she could
know?”
“Oh, godmamma, I’ll tell you how; I have been thinking it out, and I am
sure I am right. She was a long time abroad, you have often told me, and
she knew a great many people,” cried Sara; “among the rest she knew this
lady; and either because she likes her, or because she hates her, or
because she won’t tell, she keeps all quiet about it. But she can’t help
knowing, and saying she knows with her eyes. Godmamma Sarah, though she
takes no notice, knows everything better than you do. Carson gets
everybody’s news of them. Why, she even made my poor little Alice tell
her all about Georgy Wilde, you know, and that unlucky brother of
hers,--how often he came to our house, and everything about it; and
godmamma Sarah did not leave me at peace about it either. I am sure they
know everything that happens up in godmamma Sarah’s room. Godmamma, do
_you_ never have a gossip with your maid?”
“I have got no maid, child; you know that very well,” said I. “I never
was brought up with any such luxury; and when I came to my kingdom I was
too old to begin, and liked my own ways. But at all events, though you
are so confident in your opinion, I am quite sure your godmamma can have
no knowledge of this business, so don’t speak of it any more.”
“Will you ask her?” said Sara; “if she knows nothing about it, she will
not mind being asked. Why should you be afraid of speaking if she does
not know anything about it? It might be awkward, perhaps, if she knew
and would not tell; but it can’t matter if she doesn’t know. Will you
ask her, godmamma? or will you let me?”
“Oh, for heaven’s sake go away, child, and don’t drive me crazy!” I
cried. “Go upstairs and decide what dress you will wear, you velvet
kitten; go and gossip with _your_ maid. Here am I in a peck of
troubles, and can’t see my way out or in, and you ask me to let _you_!”
“You wouldn’t mind it in the least if you thought godmamma Sarah did not
know,” said the provoking little girl; and so went gliding off,
satisfied that I was of her opinion. When I was left to myself I dropped
on a chair in utter despair, and could not tell what to think. The
safest way was certainly to vow to myself that Sarah had nothing to do
with it at all. What _could_ she have to do with it? Her strange anxious
looks _must_ spring from some other cause. For once, at least, instinct
_must_ have deceived itself. Sarah knew the world and the Italians. She
was not so easily taken in as we were--nothing else was possible; and
she was only annoyed to see how ready to be imposed upon I was.
CHAPTER IV.
This conversation, of course, set my thoughts all into a ferment again.
Little Sara was wonderfully quick-witted, if she was not very wise, as,
indeed, was not to be expected at her years; and I confess her idea did
return to my mind a great many times. Sarah might have known an Italian
Countess in that obscure time of her life which I had no clue to; might
even know some reason why persons from Italy might be looking for her,
and might be nervous, for old acquaintance’ sake, of any one finding her
out. When everything was so blank, any sort of sign-post was
satisfactory. It was true that I don’t remember seeing Sarah display so
much anxiety for any other person all her life before. But there might
be reasons; and if it was a friendly feeling, I should certainly be the
last person in the world to worry and aggravate my sister. I wish I
could have composed my mind with all the reasonings I went through; but
really, when I saw poor Sarah sitting all watchful and conscious at her
knitting, not getting on at all with her work, hearing the least rustle
in the room, or touch at the door; starting, and trying to conceal her
start every time the bell rung, with all the features of her face
growing thinner, and her hands and head trembling more than they ever
used to do, it was quite impossible for me to persuade myself that her
mind was not busy with something which had happened, or which was about
to happen. It might be something as completely unconnected with the poor
Italian as possible; most likely it was; but _something_ there was which
agitated her most unaccountably, which I knew nothing about, and which
she was determined I should not know. She was as conscious that I
observed this strange change upon her as I was myself; and she faced me
with such a resolution and defiance! No! I could read it in her eyes,
and the full look she turned upon me whenever I looked at her--she would
die rather than I should find it out.
It is quite impossible, however ignorant you may be of the causes of it,
to live in the close presence of a person devoured by anxiety without
being infected by it, more or less. One gets curious and excited, you
know, in spite of one’s self; and all the more, of course, if the cause
is quite inexplicable and the trouble sudden. I lived in the kind of
feeling that you have just immediately before a thunderstorm--the air
all of a hush, so that you could hear the faintest stir of a bird, or
rustle of a branch, yet never knowing the moment when, instead of the
bird’s motion or the leaves’ tremble, it might be the thunder itself
that clamoured in your ears.
In this condition of mind Sara’s little side reference to Carson, and my
sister’s acquaintance with everything that passed, did not fail to have
its effect upon me, as well as other things. I don’t know that I would
have been above questioning Carson if I could have got at her; but I did
not see her once in three months, and could not have had any
conversation with her without making quite an affair of it, and letting
all the house know. Carson was not her right name. She had been Sarah’s
maid when she was a young girl, and had married and lost her husband,
and come back to the Park just in time to go abroad with her mistress,
and being well known in the house by her maiden name, never got any
other. I could not help wondering within myself if she knew, or how much
she knew, of Sarah’s trouble, and its cause, whatever that might be.
When the thought rose in my mind whether I might not try to get to
private speech of Carson, I was out in the grounds making a little
survey, to see how everything was looking for spring, and had just been
at the lodge to see poor little Mary, who (as I had foreseen from the
beginning) was bad with the whooping-cough, but no worse than was to be
expected, and nothing alarming or out of the way. The carriage had just
gone up to take Sarah out for her drive, and I, all in shelter of a
clump of holly bushes, became the witness, quite unawares and without
any intention, of a most singular scene. A footstep went softly by me
upon the gravel. I was just behind the lodge, and within sight of the
gate and the road without. I saw Carson, in her cap and in-doors dress,
go softly out at the gate. She went out into the road, pretending to
hold out her hand and raise her face to see whether it rained; as if it
were not perfectly clear to any one that it did not rain, nor would,
either, till the glass fell. She looked up and down with an anxious
look, and lingered five minutes or more in that same position. Then she
came in, and met the carriage just inside the gate, which Williams had
come to her cottage door to open. “All’s quite bright and clear, ma’am,”
I heard Carson say; “no appearance of rain. I hope you’ll have a
pleasant drive.” A moment after the carriage wheeled quickly out, the
blind being drawn down just as it turned into the road. Carson stood
looking after it with a kind of grieved, compassionate expression, which
made me like her better. She answered Williams’ question, “Whatever had
come over Miss Sarah to make her so particklar about the weather; in the
carriage, too, as she wouldn’t be none the wiser, wet nor dry!” very
shortly, sighed, and turned to go back, mincing with true lady’s-maid
nicety, along the road. The sigh and the pitying look on her face
determined me. I took a quick step through the bushes and came up to
her. The holly branches tore a bit of trimming, as long as my finger,
off my garden hood (I think a hood a great deal more suitable than a hat
for a person of my years); but I did not mind. Here was a chance if I
could only use it well.
“Carson,” said I, not to give her time to think, “my sister has surely
grown very fidgety of late?”
Carson stared at me in an alarmed, confused way; but soon got back her
self-possession. “My missis was always a bit fidgety, ma’am, though no
more than she had a right to be,” said this one real, true, faithful
adherent, whom Sarah had secured to her cause.
“I don’t know about such rights,” said I. “Now tell me, Carson;--you
know a great deal more about her than I do. Don’t you think I can see
how nervous and disturbed she is?--what’s the matter with my sister?
what is she afraid of? and what do you and she expect to see upon the
road, that you go out to look that the way is clear, before she ventures
beyond the gate? Don’t tell me about rain, I know better; what did you
expect to see?”
Carson was taken entirely by surprise; she faltered, she grew red, she
wrung her hands; she stammered forth something quite unintelligible,
consisting of exclamations.--“Ma’am! Miss Milly!” and “My missis!” all
confused and run into each other. She had no time to invent anything;
and her fright and nervousness for the moment quite betrayed her.
“I don’t want you to be false to your mistress,” said I, getting
excited, in my turn, at finding myself so near a clue to this mystery,
as I thought. “I don’t want you to tell me her secret, if she has
one--only let me know. Is there some danger apprehended? Is there some
one in the country that Sarah is afraid to see? What is wrong? Her limbs
are trembling under her, and her face growing thinner. Only think of her
going out with the blinds down, poor forlorn soul; What is wrong? It
would mend matters, somehow, if I knew.”
“Miss Milly,” said Carson, with a great many little coughs and clearings
of her throat, “my missis has an attack on her nerves, that’s what it
is; when she haves them attacks, she grows fidgety, as you say, ma’am. A
little nice strengthening medicine, now, or a change of air, would be a
nice thing. I said that to my missis just this very morning. I said ‘A
few months at Brighton, now, or such like, would do you a world of good,
ma’am.’ It’s on her nerves, that’s what it is.”
Carson had got quite glib and fluent before she ended this speech; the
difficulty had only been how to begin.
“Now, Carson!” cried I, “if your mistress’s health suffers, and it turns
out to be something you could have told me, you may be certain I shall
call you to account for it. Think what you are saying. We Mortimers
never have nervous attacks. I know you’re deceiving me. Think again.
_Will_ you tell me what is wrong?”
“Ma’am, Miss Milly, it’s an attack on the nerves,” cried Carson; “my
missis has had them before. I couldn’t say more if I was to talk till
to-morrow. I’ve got my caps to see to, I ask your pardon;--my missis is
very particular about her caps.”
Upon which Carson somehow managed to elude me, with a mixture of
firmness and cunning quite extraordinary; and while I had still my eyes
fixed on her, and was calling her to stay with all the authority of my
position as acting mistress of the house, contrived to melt in at a back
door and escape out of my hands, I never could explain how. Talk about
controlling people with your eye, and swaying them by force of
character, and all that! I defy anybody to sway a servant in a great
house who is trained to the sort of thing, and knows how to recollect
her work at a critical moment, and the nearest way to the back stairs.
Carson had proved herself too many for me.
CHAPTER V.
It seems I was destined to hear of nothing but this Italian. I had not
kept faith to him, certainly. I had been startled and thrown back by
finding out how the idea of him got to be involved in Sarah’s trouble;
and really I did not care much about the Countess Sermoneta, whom I had
never heard of. I had been interested in _him_, I allow; but how could I
keep up an interest in strangers, with so much closer an anxiety near
home?
However, just the next day after I had spoken to Carson, Dr. Roberts
called. Dr. Roberts was our rector; not a relation, but a kind of family
connection, somehow, I really could not tell how. For three or four
generations, at least, a Roberts had held our family living. There were
so few of us Mortimers, as I have already explained, that the living
could never be of any use to us; and our great-great-grandfathers had
happened to be intimate, and so it came about that the living was as
much an hereditary thing to the Robertses as our property was to us. Dr.
Roberts was the best of good, easy, quiet men. He preached us a nice
little sermon every Sunday. He would dine with the people who were in a
condition to ask him, and make himself as agreeable as possible. He
patted the children on the head, and wondered how it was that he had
forgotten their names. Of course he had his own way of doing most
things, and seldom varied; but then one could always calculate on what
he would do and say, and wasn’t that a comfort? On the whole, he was the
most excellent, good drowse of a man I ever knew. He led a very quiet
life, with little interruption, except when, now and then, a storm
seized upon him, in the shape of a new curate with advanced ideas. In
such cases Dr. Roberts generally bowed to the tempest till its force was
exhausted. He laughed in his quiet way at the young men. “They are all
for making a fuss when they begin,” he said to me, confidentially; “but
depend upon it, when they come to our age, Miss Milly, they’ll find the
advantage of just getting along.” That was his favourite mode of
progress. He was too stout and easy to make much haste. He loved to get
along quietly; and really, as ours was a small parish, and nothing
particular to make a commotion about, I don’t suppose there was much
harm done.
But only to think of Dr. Roberts becoming one of my assailants! I never
could have expected any such thing. He came in, bringing some books from
Miss Kate, who was as unlike him as possible. She was very active in the
parish, and had something to do, with or for, everybody. She was rather
Low-Church, and sent us books to read, to do us good, which, for my
part, I always read faithfully, being very willing to have good done me,
as far as it was practicable. Dr. Roberts sat down with a little sigh in
the round easy chair, his particular chair, which Ellis wheeled out for
him; not with a sentimental sigh, good man; but the road to the Park
ascends a little, and the doctor, for the same reason as Hamlet, was a
little scant of breath.
We were all as usual. Sarah, in the shadow of the screen, with her
knitting-pins in her hands, and her basket of wools and patterns at her
side; myself opposite, commanding a view of the door and the great
mirror, and all the room; little Sara, half a mile off, reading at one
of the windows--for it was very mild for February, and really one did
not feel much need of a fire. Dr. Roberts wandered on in his comfortable
way for half an hour at least; he complimented Miss Mortimer on always
being so industrious, and me upon my blooming looks! only think of that!
but I dare say he must have forgotten that it was Sarah who was the
beauty; and he gave us a quiet opinion upon the books he had brought us,
that they were “very much in Kate’s style, you know;” and had a word to
say about the curate--just one of his comfortable calls, when he has
something to say about everybody; nothing more.
“But, by-the-bye,” said the good Doctor, “I had almost forgotten the
principal thing. There’s something romantic going on among us just now,
Miss Milly. Where is little Miss Cresswell? she ought to hear this.”
“What is it, Doctor?” I asked, rather startled at this beginning.
“Well, the fact is, I have had a strange sort of visitor,” said the
Doctor, with a soft little laugh; “or rather two, I should say,” he
continued, after a little pause, “ha! ha! I had Hubert to him, who
pretends to speak Italian, you know, ha! ha! He could speak Dante,
perhaps; but he can’t manage the Transteverine. I can’t say that I did
not enjoy it a little. These young fellows, Miss Milly, are so happy in
their own good opinion. Poor Hubert was terribly put out.”
“Who are you speaking of?” asked I again.
“Well, of a visitor I had; or two, as I have just said,--the master and
the man. The master speaks English very tolerably; the man is the real,
native, original article, newly imported. I am in good condition
myself,” said the good Doctor, giving a quiet unconscious pinch on his
plump wrist; “but anything like that, you know, goes quite beyond me.
You would have laughed to see poor young Hubert, poor fellow, talking to
him in his high Dantesque way, and the fat fellow dashing in through the
midst of it all, helter skelter, in _real_ Italian. Ha! ha! it was a
most amusing scene.”
“Italian?” said I, scarcely venturing to speak above my breath, my
consternation was so great.
“Yes,” said Dr. Roberts, calmly, with still a little agitation of
laughter about his voice--the discomfiture of the curate amused him
excessively--“Italian. The young man called on me to ask after a lady,
whom he supposed to be living in this neighbourhood, a Countess
Sermoneta. Did you ever hear of such a person, Miss Milly?”
“No,” said I, as quietly as I could. Sarah took no notice, showed no
curiosity, betrayed to me that she _had_ heard this name before, and did
not learn the particulars of the stranger’s inquiry for the first time.
In general she liked to hear the news; and though she rarely took any
part in the conversation, listened to it, and showed that she did so.
To-day she never raised her head. Perhaps I was over-suspicious; but
this entire want of interest only added to my bewildering doubts.
At this point little Sara came forward, and thrust herself, as was
natural, into a conversation so interesting to her; I only wondered she
had not done it sooner.
“That is poor Mr. Luigi, that has been so much talked of in Chester,”
cried Sara; “and godmamma met him on the road, and promised to try and
find out for him. Do make her take it up, please Dr. Roberts. Did _you_
never hear of the lady either? How strange nobody should have heard of
her! Who was she, does he say? What does he want with her? do tell us,
dear Dr. Roberts, please.”
Sarah’s knitting-pins had dropped out of her hand when her goddaughter
broke in upon Dr. Roberts’ good-humoured drowsy talk. I turned to help
her to pick them up, but she waved me away. What _could_ be the matter?
she was trembling all over like an aspen leaf.
“My dear Miss Cresswell, he gave me no information whatever,” said the
Doctor, smiling most graciously upon the pretty dainty little creature
in her velvet jacket! “and indeed, he was not quite the kind of man that
I should undertake to question. Hubert might do it, you know, ha! ha!
but then he rather stands on the dignity of his office, and would not
mind putting you, yourself, dangerous though it might be, through your
catechism. I did all that lively curiosity could do, you may believe, to
find out who _he_ is, and who _she_ was, but I made nothing of it. He,
as you seem to know, calls himself Mr. Luigi, and he wants the Countess
Sermoneta, a person no one in Cheshire ever heard of. I told him I had
no doubt he was mistaken in the locality; near Manchester, perhaps, or
Chichester, or some other place with a similar-sounding name; but I
don’t think he took in what I said. And you saw him, too, Miss Milly?
very odd, wasn’t it? He must have made a mistake in the place.”
“I suppose so,” said I, quite faintly. Sarah’s knitting-pins had
actually fallen out of her hands again!
“I promised to inquire and let him know if I heard anything,” said the
rector; “but if I do not know, and you do not know, Miss Milly,--we’re
about the likeliest people in the county, I suspect,--I don’t think it
is much good making other inquiries. You are sure you never heard the
name?”
“Never in my life, so far as I recollect,” said I. “I promised to make
inquiries, too, and asked him to come to the Park, and I would let him
know. But that seems merely tantalising him. If you will give me the
address, Dr. Roberts, I will write him a note.”
He gave me the address in his own leisurely way, and then he returned to
the scene at the rectory, where he had called the curate, who happened
to be with him at the time, to talk to Mr. Luigi’s servant, not without
some intention of doing the good young man a mischief, I am sure; and
how poor Mr. Hubert talked Dantesque, as the Doctor said, shaking his
portly person with quiet laughter, and the fat Italian burst in with a
flood of what Dr. Roberts called _real_ Italian. I could understand how
it would be from what I had seen myself; but I confess I found it very
difficult to listen and smile as it was necessary to do. There sat
Sarah, close up in the shelter of her screen, never lifting her head or
making any sign to show that she heard the conversation; not a smile
rose upon her face; _she_ saw nothing amusing in it; her lips were firm
set together, and all the lines of her face drawn tight; and though her
cheeks retained a kind of unnatural glow, which, for the first time in
my life, made me think that Sarah used paint, or something to heighten
her complexion, her brow and chin, and all except that pink spot, were
ghastly grey, and colourless. She had stopped her knitting altogether
now, and was rubbing her poor fingers, making believe to be very much
occupied with them, stooping down to rub the joints before the fire. It
quite went to my heart to see her sitting so forlorn there, shut up
within herself. Ah! whatever it was she feared, could I ever be hard
upon her? could I ever do anything but help her to bear what misfortune
or anxiety she might be under? I thought Dr. Roberts would never be done
with his story. I thought he would never go away. I dare say he, on his
part, thought we had just had a quarrel, or something of that sort, and
gave Miss Kate an amusing description of us when he went home; for he
had an amusing way of telling a story. And then, how to get quit of
little Sara when he was gone? I felt sure my sister would break out upon
me somehow, very likely without taking any notice of the real reason;
but all that silent excitement must find an outlet somehow; either that,
or her mind would give way, or she would break a blood-vessel, or
something dreadful would happen. I knew Sarah’s ways very well, we had
been so long together. I knew that, one way or other, she must get it
out, and relieve herself; and, to be sure, there was nobody whom she
_could_ relieve her feelings upon but me.
CHAPTER VI.
All in haste, and in a peremptory tone, to which nobody could be less
used to than she was, I had sent little Sara away on some commission,
invented on the spur of the moment, when the door closed on Dr. Roberts.
The child looked up in my face with an amazed uncomprehension of any
order issued to her; I fancy I can see her great eyes growing larger and
blacker as she turned, asking what I meant. But Sara had understanding
in her, wilful as she was; she saw there was occasion for it, though she
could not understand how; and whenever her first surprise was over, she
went off and obeyed me with an alacrity which I shall always remember.
We two were left alone. I took up some work that lay on the table. I
could not tell whether it was mine or Sara’s, or who it belonged to. I
bent my head fumbling over it, too agitated to see what I was doing. Now
the volcano was about to explode. Now, even, an explanation might be
possible.
“What was that I heard from you just now?” cried Sarah, in her shrill
whisper. “You were so lost to all common feeling, you were so forgetful
of my claims and everybody else’s, that you invited a common foreign
impostor to come here--here, without an idea what bad intentions he
might have--here to my house!”
“Sarah! for heaven’s sake what do you know about him? What have you to
do with this young man?” said I, the words bursting, in spite of myself,
from my lips.
I suppose she did not expect this question. She stopped with a flood of
other reproaches and accusations ready to be poured forth, staring at
me--staring--there is no other word for it. Her looks were dreadful to
me. She looked like some baited animal that had turned to bay. Was it my
doing? Presently her senses came back to her. And I was glad, really
thankful, when I saw that it was mere passion--one of her fits of
temper, poor dear soul! that had returned upon her again.
“You dare to ask me such questions?” she cried; “you, a poor simpleton
that throws our doors open to any adventurer! This is what I have to do
with him. He shall never enter my house. I’ll have him expelled if he
comes here. I’ll muster the servants and let them know who’s
mistress,--you, a rustical fool that knows nothing of the world, and are
ready to throw yourself at anybody’s head that flatters you a little, or
me, that knows life and can detect a cheat! What! you’ll go slander me
in addition, will you? You worry and drive me out of my senses, and then
pretend that I have something to do with every impostor you pick up in
the streets. I tell you I’ll have him turned out if he dares to come to
this house. I will not have my peace molested for your fool’s tricks and
intrigues. An Italian forsooth! a fellow that will cringe to you, and
flatter you, and be as smooth as velvet. I’ll have him thrown into
prison if he dares to come here!”
“Sarah! Sarah! for what reason? the poor young man has never harmed
you,” I cried, holding up my hands.
She gave a strange bitter cry. “Fool! how can you tell whether he has
harmed me?” she cried out, wringing her thin hands: then suddenly
stopping short, came to herself again, and stared at me once more.
Always that stare of blank resistance--the hunted creature brought to
bay. She had been standing while she spoke before. Now she dropped into
her chair, exhausted, breathless, with a strange look of fury at
herself. She thought she had betrayed herself--and most likely so she
had, if I had possessed the slightest clue by which to find her mystery
out.
“I beg and entreat you to be calm, and not to excite yourself,” cried I,
trying, if it were possible, to soothe her. “I know nothing whatever
about this young Italian, Sarah. I took an interest in him from his
appearance, and something in his voice--and because he was a stranger
and had no friends. But I will write to him immediately not to come--he
is nothing to me. He has neither flattered me nor asked anything of me.
I see no harm in him; but I shall certainly write and say he is not to
come. You might know well that there is no stranger in the world for
whom I would cross you.”
“Oh, I am used to fair speeches, Milly,” said my sister, “quite used to
them; and used to being made no account of when all’s done. I, that
might have been so different. I might have had a coronet, and been one
of the leaders of life, instead of vegetating here; and, instead of
respecting me after I have resigned all that, I am to be badgered to
death by your old maid’s folly, and have a vulgar impostor brought in
upon me to oust me out of my home. Bring in whom you like, thank heaven,
I’m more than a match for you. I tell you, you shall bring nobody
here--it is my house, and was my house before you were born. I shall
keep it mine, and leave it to whom I like. Your romances and fictions
are nothing in this world to me. I am mistress, and I will be mistress.
You are only my younger sister, and I have nothing in the world to
consult but my own pleasure. I am not to be driven into changing my mind
by any persecution. I advise you to give up your schemes before you
suffer for them. Nobody, I tell you,--no man in the world with evil
designs against me, and my fortune, and my honour, shall come into my
house!”
“Sarah! what on earth do you mean? Who is plotting against you? Your
fortune and your honour? What are you thinking of? You have gone too far
to draw back now,” cried I, in the greatest excitement. “Explain
yourself before we go any farther--what do you mean?”
Once more she stared at me blankly and fiercely; but she had got it out,
and had more command of herself after she had relieved her mind. Could
it be only an outburst of passion? but my spirit was up.
“The house is my house as well as yours,” I cried, when she did not
answer. “I have a voice as powerful as yours in everything that has to
be done. Yes, I can see what is going to happen. We are the two
Mortimers that are to send it out of the name. But I will not give up my
rights, either for the prophecy or for any threats. I have never made a
scheme against you, nor ever will. You have been wretched about
something ever since that day you were so late on your drive. I have
seen it, though I cannot tell the reason. This Italian cannot be any
connection of yours. He is a young man; he could not be more than born
when you were abroad. You might be his mother for age. What fancy is it
that you have taken into your mind, about him? What do you suppose you
can have to do with him? Sarah, for heaven’s sake! what is the matter?
If you ever had the slightest love for me, take me into your confidence,
and let me stand by you now.”
For when I was speaking, some of my words, I cannot tell which, had
touched some secret spring that I knew nothing of; and dropping down her
head upon her hands she gave such a bitter, desperate groan that it went
to my very heart. I ran to her and fell on my knees by her side. I
kissed her hand, and begged her to have confidence in me. I was ready
to promise never to disturb her, never to speak of setting up a will of
my own again; but I felt I must not give in; it would be now or never.
She would trust me and tell me her trouble whether it was real or only
fanciful; and her mind would be relieved when it was told.
But the now passed and the never came. She lifted up her head and pushed
me away; she looked at me with cold stony eyes; she relapsed without a
moment’s interval into her usual chilly, common-place, fretful,
tone--that tone of a discontented mind and closed heart which had
disturbed and irritated mine for years. All her old self returned to her
in an instant. Even her passion had been elevating and great in
comparison. She looked at me with her cold observant eyes, and bade me
get up, and not look so like a fool. “But it is impossible to think of
teaching you what anybody else of your age and position must have
learned thirty years ago,” she said, twitching her dress, which, when I
foolishly threw myself down beside her, I had put my knee upon unawares,
from under me. I cannot describe to anybody the mortified, indignant
feeling with which I scrambled up. Think of going down upon my knees to
her, ready to do anything or give up anything in the world for her, and
meeting this reception for my pains! I felt almost more bitterly
humiliated and ashamed than if I had been doing something wrong. I, who
was not a young girl but an elderly woman, long accustomed to be
respected and obeyed! If she had studied how to wound me most deeply,
she could not have succeeded better. I got up stumbling over my own
dress, and hastily went out of the room. I even went out of the house,
to calm myself down before I met anybody. I would not like to confess to
all the angry thoughts that came into my mind for the next hour in the
garden. I walked about thinking to get rid of them, but they only grew
more and more vivid. My affection was rejected and myself insulted at
the same moment. You would not suppose, perhaps, that one old woman
could do as much for another; but I assure you, Sarah had wounded me as
deeply as if we had been a couple of young men.
When I found my temper was not going down as it ought to do, but on the
contrary my imagination was busy concocting all sorts of revengeful
things to say to her, I changed my plan, and went back to the library
and looked over the newspapers. Don’t go and think over it, dear good
people, when you feel very much insulted and angry. Read the papers or a
novel. I went down naturally when I stopped thinking. After all, poor
Sarah! poor Sarah! whom did she harm by it? only herself, not me.
But anybody will perceive at a glance that after this I was more
completely bewildered than ever, and could not undertake to say to my
own mind, far less to anybody else, whether there was or was not any
real reason for Sarah’s nervousness, or whether she had actually any
sort of connection with this young Italian. Sometimes I made myself
miserable with the idea that the whole matter looked like an insane
fancy. People when they are going mad, as I have heard, always take up
the idea that they are persecuted or wronged somehow. What if Sarah’s
mind was tottering, and happening to catch sight of this young man,
quite a stranger, and very likely to catch her eye, her fancy took hold
of him as the person that was scheming against her? The more I thought
over this, the more feasible it looked; though it was a dreadful thing
to think that one’s only sister was failing in her reason, and that any
night the companion of my life might be a maniac. But what was I to
think? How was it possible, no madness being in the case, that a young
unknown stranger could threaten the fortune and honour of Sarah
Mortimer, born heiress of the Park, and in lawful possession of it for
more than a dozen years? What possible reason could there be for her, if
she was in her sane senses, fearing the intrigues of anybody, much less
a harmless young foreigner? But then that groan! was it a disturbed mind
that drew that involuntary utterance out of her? Heaven help us! What
could any one think or do in such circumstances? I was no more able to
write a note to Mr. Luigi that evening than I was to have gone out and
sought him. Things must take their chance. If he came he must come. I
could not help myself. Besides, I had no thought for Mr. Luigi and his
lost Countess. I could think only of my sister. No! no! little Sara was
deceived, clever as she was. Sarah knew no Countess Sermoneta--her mind
disturbed and unsettled, had fixed upon the strange face on the way,
only as some fanciful instrument of evil to herself.
CHAPTER VII.
Next morning at breakfast I found a letter waiting me, in an unknown
hand--an odd hand, not inelegant, but which somehow gave a kind of
foreign look even to the honest English superscription. The address was
odd, too. It was Miss _Milla_ Mortimer, a very extraordinary sort of
title for me, Millicent. That is the work of diminutives--they are apt
to get misunderstood and metamorphosed into caricatures of names.
The letter inside was of a sufficiently odd description to correspond
with the address; this is how it was expressed:--
“MADAME,
“You will pardon me if I say Madame, when I perhaps should ought to
say Mademoiselle. Madame will understand that the titles of honour,
which differ in every country, do much of times puzzle a foreigner.
Since I had the honour of making an encounter with Mademoiselle, I
have more than once repeated my searches; and all in finding no
one, it has come to me in the head to go to another place, where
there may be better of prospects. I have, then, made the conclusion
to go to Manchester, where I shall find, as they say, some
countrymen, and will consult with their experience. There are much
of places, they say, with Chester in the name. I go to make a
little voyage among them. If I have the happiness to find the
Contessa, I will take the liberty of making Madame aware of it. If
it is to fail, I must submit. I shall return to Chester; and all in
making my homage to Madame, will use the boldness of asking if
anything of news respecting the Contessa may have come to her
recollection. In all cases Madame will permit me to remember with
gratitude her bounty to a stranger.
“LUIGI S----.”
Sara and I were, as usual, alone at the breakfast-table, and to tell the
truth, I prized this interval when Sarah’s eyes were not upon me, nor
all the troublous matters conveyed in her looks present to my mind, as
quite a holiday season,--when I could look as I liked, say what I
pleased, and be afraid of nobody. Besides, though I was more and more
uneasy about Sarah, I was not disturbed in my mind about this young man
to the degree I had been, nor so entirely mystified about any possible
connection between them. Since last evening, thinking it all over, it
came to be deeply impressed upon my mind that there was no connection
between them: that my poor sister knew nothing whatever about him or his
Italian Countess. Simply that Sarah’s mind, poor dear soul, was giving
way, and that catching sight of the strange face on the road, she had
somehow identified and fixed upon it as the face of an unknown agent of
trouble, the “somebody” who always injures, or persecutes, or haunts the
tottering mind. It was but little comfort to me to conclude upon this,
as you may suppose, but it seemed to explain everything. It cleared up a
quite unintelligible mystery. Poor Sarah! poor soul! She who had known
such a splendid morning, such an exciting noon, such a dull leaden
afternoon of life,--and how dark the clouds were gathering round her
towards the night!
But being thus eased in my mind about the young man, the kindness I had
instinctively felt to him came strong upon me. I remembered the look he
had, quite affectionately, the nice, handsome, smiling, young fellow!
Who could it be that he was like? Somebody whom I remembered dimly
through the old ages; and his voice, too? His voice made a thrill of
strange wondering recollections run through me. Certainly that voice had
once possessed some power or influence over my mind. I decided he would
not find his Countess in Manchester. Fancy the ridiculous notion! A
Countess in Manchester! No. She must belong about Cheshire, somewhere;
and I must have known her in my youth.
So I read his note twice over, with a good deal of interest, and then
naturally, as we had talked of him together so often, handed it to Sara.
Now I did not in the least mean to watch Sara while she read it, but,
having my eyes unconsciously upon her face at the moment, was startled,
I acknowledge, by seeing her suddenly flush up, and cast a startled
glance at me, as if the child expected that something more than usual
was to be in the note. Who could tell what romantic fancies might be in
her head? It is quite possible her imagination had been attracted by the
stranger, and perhaps if she had heard that Mr. Luigi had fallen
romantically in love with her, Sara would have been less surprised and
much less shocked than I should. However, there was no such matter, but
only a sensible, though, I must confess, rather odd and Frenchified
note. After the first glance she read it over very calmly and carefully,
then laid it down, with something that looked wonderfully like a little
shade of pique, and cried out in her sharpest tone:
“Oh, godmamma, how sensible!--to be sure to be an Italian, and young, he
must be a perfect miracle of a Luigi. Actually, because there are
countrymen of his in Manchester--music teachers and Italian masters, of
course--to give up an appointment with a lady, and at such a house as
the Park! I think he must be quite the most sensible and pretty-behaved
of young men.”
“I think he shows a great deal of sense,” said I, not altogether pleased
with the child’s tone; “but if you will excuse me saying so, Sara, I
think it is just a little vulgar of you to say ‘at such a house as the
Park.’”
Sarah flushed up redder and redder. I quite thought we were to have a
quarrel again.
“Oh, of course, godmamma, if I had been speaking of a--of an English
gentleman; but you know,” said the wicked little creature, looking
boldly in my face, “you set him down at once, whenever you heard of him,
as an adventurer,--a count, you know,--one of the fellows that came
sneaking into people’s houses and wanted to marry people’s daughters. I
am only repeating what you said, godmamma. It was not I that said it.
And now you perceive this good respectable young man does not attempt
anything of the kind.”
“But then you see we, at the Park, have no daughters to marry,” said I,
looking at her rather grimly.
“Oh, to be sure, that makes all the difference,” cried Sara, bursting
open her own letters with a half-ashamed, annoyed laugh. I have no doubt
she had said twice as much as she meant to say, the impatient little
puss, and was ashamed of herself. She had set her heart on seeing Mr.
Luigi, that was the plain truth of the matter. Seeing him at the Park,
where of course papa could have nothing to say against the introduction,
hearing all about his search after the unknown lady, exercising her
wiles upon him, turning him into a useless creature like that poor boy
Wilde, in Chester, who was good for nothing but to waylay her walks and
go errands for her. That was what she wanted, the wicked little
coquette. It was just as well Mr. Luigi had taken care of himself, and
kept out of the way. I really thought it was right to read her a lecture
on the occasion.
“Sara, you are quite disappointed the poor young man is not coming. You
wanted to make a prey of him, you artful puss,” said I. “You thought,
out here in the country, with nothing else to do, it would be good fun
to make him fall in love with you--you know you did! And I think it is
not at all a creditable thing, I assure you. How can you excuse yourself
for all the damage you have done to that young Wilde?”
“Damage!” cried Sara. “If I am a puss, I may surely pounce upon a mouse
that comes in my way,” she said spitefully; and then putting on her most
innocent look;--“but, indeed, it is very shocking to have such
suspicions of me, especially as I am a fright now, godmamma Sarah says.”
“It is just as well Mr. Luigi does not put himself in your way,” said I;
“and it would be very wicked of you to do any harm to him, or attempt
such a thing; and I say so particularly, because I think you are quite
inclined to it, Sara, which is very wrong and very surprising. You are
not such a beauty as your godmamma Sarah was, but you have just the same
inclinations. It is something quite extraordinary to me.”
The little puss looked at me with her wicked eyes blazing, and her face
flushed and angry. She looked quite beautiful in spite of her short
little curls. I am not sure that she might not, when she grew older, be
very near as great a beauty as her godmamma. She did not make any
answer, but bit her lips, and set her little red mouth, and looked a
very little sprite of mischief and saucy daring. She was not abashed by
what I said to her. She was a thoughtless child, aware only of a strange
mischievous power she had, and thinking no harm.
“For I know,” said I, half to myself, “that poor Mr. Luigi will come
back. I feel as if I had known him half a lifetime ago. His voice is a
voice I used to hear when I was young. I can’t tell whose voice it is,
but I know it. He’ll come back here. He won’t find the lady in
Manchester, or any other chester; he’ll find her in Cheshire, if he
finds her at all.”
“Did godmamma Sarah say so?” cried Sara, suddenly losing her own
self-consciousness in her interest in this bit of mystery.
“Child, do not be rash,” cried I, in some agitation. “Your godmamma
knows nothing about her; it is all a mistake.”
“Did you ask her?” said Sara. “Godmamma, it is written in her face. When
the rector was speaking, when you were speaking, even when I was
speaking, it was quite evident she knew her abroad, and remembered who
she was; but she will not tell. It is not a guess; I am perfectly sure
of it. She knows all about her, and she will not tell.”
“It is quite a mistake, Sara,” cried I, trembling in spite of myself.
“She has taken some fancy into her head about Mr. Luigi, some merely
visionary notion that he has some bad intention, I cannot tell you what.
But I am certain she knows nothing about this Countess. Child, don’t
think you know better than anybody else! I have thought a great deal
about it, and made up my mind. Your godmamma has grown fanciful, she has
taken this into her head. Don’t be rash in speaking of your fancies; it
might give her pain;--and your idea is all a mistake.”
“Will you ask her? or will you let me ask her?” cried Sara. “If she says
‘No,’ I shall be satisfied.”
“I will do no such thing,” said I. “She is my only sister, I will do
nothing to molest or vex her; and, Sara, while I am here, neither shall
you.”
Sara did not say anything for a few minutes. She allowed me to pick up
my letter in silence, for we had finished breakfast. She let me gather
up my papers and ring the bell, and make my way to the door. Then, as I
stood there waiting for Ellis, she brushed past me rapidly. “Godmamma”
said Sara, looking into my face for a moment, “all the same, _she
knows_,” and had passed the next instant, and was gliding upstairs
before I had recovered my composure. How pertinacious she was! Against
my will this had an effect on me.
CHAPTER VIII.
Great and many were my musings what steps I ought to take; or, indeed,
whether I ought to take any steps in the strange dilemma I was in. I
considered of it till my head ached. What if Sarah’s mind were possibly
just at that delicate point when means of cure might be effectual? but
how could _I_ bring her to any means of cure? There have been many
miserable stories told about false imputations of insanity and dreadful
cruelties and injustice following, but I almost think there might be as
many and as sad on the other side, about friends watching in agony,
neither able nor willing to take any steps until it was too late, far
too late, for any good. This was the situation I felt myself in; no
matter whether I was right or wrong in my opinion, this was how I felt
myself. I suppose nobody can think of madness appearing beside them in
the person of their nearest companion, without a dreadful thrill and
terror at their heart; but at the same time I felt that, however
inevitable this might be, I must first come to it unmistakably. I must
first see it, hear it, beyond all possibility of doubt, before I
ventured to whisper it even to the secret ear of a physician.
All this floated through my mind with that dreadful faculty of jumping
at conclusions that imagination always has. Did ever anybody meet with
any great misfortune, which has been hanging some time over them,
without going through it a thousand times before the blow really fell,
and the dreadful repetition was done away with once and for ever? How
many times over and over, sleeping and waking, does the death-bed
watcher go through the parting that approaches before it really comes?
Dying itself, I think,--one naturally thinks what kind of a process that
is, as one comes near the appointed natural period of its coming,--dying
itself must be rehearsed so often, that its coming at last is a real
relief to the real actor. Not only does what is real go through a
hundred performances in one’s imagination, but many a scene appals us
that, thank heaven, we are never condemned to go through with. I could
not see before me what was to happen, nor into Sarah’s mind to know
what was astir there; but I tortured myself all the same, gathering all
the proofs of this new dismal light thrown upon her, in my mind. All
insane people make up a persecutor or pursuer for themselves. Poor Sarah
had found hers in the strange face,--it was so unusual in our quiet
roads to see a strange face!--which she met all at once and without
warning, on the quiet road.
I recollected every incident, and everything confirmed my idea. She had
taken a panic all at once,--she had driven five miles round to get out
of his way; from that hour painful watchfulness and anxiety had come to
her face. Carson was sent out to see that the road was clear, before,
poor soul, she would venture out, though with the carriage blinds drawn
down. Ah! I think if my only communication with the open air and the
out-of-doors world was in the enclosure of that carriage with the blinds
drawn down, I should certainly go mad, and quickly too! I had a long
afternoon by myself in the library that day. I went back, as well as my
memory would carry me, into the history of the Mortimers. Insanity was
not in our family,--no trace of it. We had never been very clever, but
we had been obstinately sane and sober-minded. My mother’s family too,
the Stamfords, so far as I know, were all extremely steady people. It is
odd when one individual of a family, and no more, shows a tendency to
wander; at sixty, too, all of a sudden, with no possible reason. But who
can search into the ways of Providence? It might perhaps never go any
further; it might be the long silence of her life, and perhaps long
brooding over such things as may have happened to her in the course of
it. Something must have happened to Sarah; she was not like me. She had
really lived her life, and had her own course in the world. She had
known her own bitterness, too, no doubt, or she--she, the great beauty,
the heiress,--would not have been Sarah Mortimer sitting voiceless by
the fireside. She had been too silent, had too much leisure to go over
her life. Her brain had rusted in the quietness; terrors had risen
within her that took form and found an execution for themselves
whenever, without any warning, she saw a strange face. This explained
everything. I could see it quite clear with this interpretation; and
without this nothing could explain it; for the young Italian looking for
his friend, the lady whom nobody had ever heard of, could be nothing in
the world to Sarah Mortimer.
Thinking over this, it naturally occurred to me that it would be
important to let my poor sister know that this innocent young object of
her fears had left the neighbourhood. It might, even, who knows? restore
the balance to her poor mind. I got up from my chair the moment I
thought of that, but did not go out of the library quite so quickly as
you might have supposed, either. I was afraid of Sarah’s passions and
reproaches; I always was. She had a way of representing everybody else
as so unkind to her, poor dear soul, and of making out that she was
neglected and of no consequence. Though I knew that this was not the
case, I never could help feeling uncomfortable. Perhaps if I could only
have put myself in her place, I might have felt the same; but it made me
very timid of starting any subject before her that she did not like,
even though it might be to relieve her mind.
I went slowly into the drawing-room. I thought most likely little Sara
was dressing upstairs, and we two would have a little time to ourselves.
When I went into the great room it was lying in the twilight, very dim
and shadowy. The great mirror looked like another dimmer world added on
to this one which was already so dim,--a world all full of glimpses and
gliding figures, and brightened up by the gleams of the firelight which
happened to be blazing very bright and cheerful. There were no curtains
closed nor blinds down. Four great long windows, each let into the
opposite wall a long strip of sky, the grass, and leafless trees, giving
one a strange idea of the whole world outside, the world of winds, and
hills, and rivers, and foreign unknown people. It was not light that
came in at these windows; it was a sort of grey luminous darkness, that
led our eyes up to the sky and blurred everything underneath. But in the
centre of the room burned that ruddy centre of fire, a light which is
quite by itself, and is not to be compared to anything else. Straight
before me, as I stood at the door, was Sarah’s screen, shutting out as
much light as it could, and of course concealing her entirely; but
beyond, full in the ruddy light on the other side of the screen, with
the red fire reddening all over her velvet jacket, her glossy hair, and
the white round arms out of those long wide sleeves, sat little Sara
Cresswell, on a footstool opposite her godmamma, and talking to her. I
cannot say Sara was in a pretty attitude. Young ladies now-a-days are
sadly careless in their ways. She was stooping quite double, with one of
her hands thrust into her hair, and the fire scorching her complexion
all to nothing; and one of the long, uncovered windows, with the blind
drawn up to the very top, you may be sure by Sara’s own wilful hands,
was letting in the sky light over her, like a very tall spirit with
pale blue eyes, so chilly, and clear, and pale, that it looked the
oddest contrast possible to the firelight and the little velvet kitten
then in front of it, all scorched and reddened over, as you could fancy;
velvet takes on that surface tint wonderfully. I could see nothing of
Sarah in the shelter of her screen; but there sat the little puss in
velvet, straight before her, talking to her as nobody else ever ventured
to talk. I have been long telling you how that fireside scene looked,
just to get my breath. I had been trying to work myself up to the proper
pitch to enter upon that subject again with my poor sister. But lo! here
had little Sara come on her own account and got it all over. I could see
at a glance that there was no more to be said.
I came forward quietly and dropped into my own seat without saying
anything. Dear, dear! had it been an insane, unreasonable terror, or had
it been something real and serious that she knew, and she alone? Sarah
was leaning a little towards the fire, rubbing the joints of her
fingers, which were rheumatic, as I have mentioned before; but it was
not what she was doing that struck me; it was the strange look of ease
and comfort that had somehow come upon her. Her whole person looked as
if it had relaxed out of some bondage. Her head drooped a little in a
kind of easy languor: her muslin shawl, lined with pale blue, hung
lightly off her shoulders. Her pins were laid down orderly and neat on
her basket with the wools. Her very foot was at ease on the footstool.
How was it? If it had been incipient madness, could this grateful look
of rest have come so easily? Would the fever have gone down only at
knowing he was away? Heavens know! I sat all silent in my own chair in
the shadow, and felt the water moisten my old eyes. What she must have
gone through before this sudden ease could show itself so clearly in
every limb and movement! What an iron bondage she must have been putting
on! What a relief this was! Her comfort and sudden relaxation struck me
dumb. I was appalled at the sight of it. My notion about insanity,
dreadful to think of, but still natural and innocent, was shaken; a
restless uneasiness of a different description rose upon my mind. Could
he indeed be anything to her, this young stranger? Could she in her own
knowledge have some mysterious burden which was connected with his
coming or going? Could she have _recognised_, instead of only finding an
insanely fanciful destiny in his strange face? Impossible! That foreign
life of hers, so obscure and mysterious to me, was of an older period
than his existence. _He_ could bring no gossip, no recollections to
confound her. At the time of her return he could scarcely have been
born. Thus I was plunged into a perfect wilderness of amazed questions
again.
“When little Sara went off to dress,--she dressed every evening, though
we never saw anybody,--I stole to the door after her, and caught her
little pink ear outside the door in the half-lighted hall. She gave a
little shriek when I came suddenly behind her. I believe she thought I
was angry, and came to take her punishment into my own hand.
“What did you say to your godmamma, Sara?” said I.
“Nothing,” said the perverse child. Then, after a little pause, “I told
her that your Mr. Luigi was gone, godmamma; and that he was a very
pretty-behaved young man; and asked her who the Countess Sermoneta was.”
“You did?”
“Yes; but she did not mind,” said Sara. “I am not sure if she heard me;
she gave such a long sigh, half a year long. Godmamma Sarah’s heart must
be very deep down if it took _that_ to ease it; and melted all out, as
if frost was over somehow, and thaw had come.”
“Ah! and what more?” said I.
“Nothing more,” cried the child. “Don’t you think I have a little heart,
godmamma? If she felt it so, could I go poking at her with that
Countess’s name? Ah! you should have seen her. She thawed out as if the
sun was shining and the frost gone.”
“Ah!” I cried again. It went to my heart as well. “Come down and talk,
little Sara,” said I, and so went back to the drawing room, where she
sat looking so eased and relieved, poor soul, poor soul! I was very
miserable. I had not the heart to ring for lights. I sat down in my
chair with all sorts of dismal thoughts in my heart. She did not speak
either. She was rubbing her rheumatic fingers, and taking in all the
warmth and comfort. She looked as if somehow she had escaped--good
heavens! from what?
CHAPTER IX.
Next day that change upon Sarah’s whole appearance continued, and
throughout the whole week. She was like herself once more. Carson made
no more stealthy expeditions out of doors before my sister set out on
her drive. Sarah did not stir in her chair and eye me desperately when
the door opened. She even seemed to fall deaf again with that old, soft,
slight hardness of hearing which I used to suspect in her. There was no
pressure on her heart to startle her ears.
While I in the meantime tried my best to think nothing about it, tried
to turn a blank face towards what might happen, and to take the days as
they came. I have not come to be fifty without having troubles in
plenty. For the last dozen years, to be sure, there had been only common
embarrassments. The fewer people one has to love, the fewer pleasures
and joys are possible, the less grow our sorrows. It is cold comfort,
but it is a fact notwithstanding. Grief and delight go hand in hand in
full lives; when we are stinted down into a corner both fall off. We
suffer less, we enjoy less; we suffer nothing, we enjoy nothing in time,
only common pricks and vexations, which send no thrill to the slumbering
heart. So we had been living for years; happy enough, nothing to disturb
us; or not happy at all, if you choose to take that view of the subject;
true either way. Not such a thing as real emotion lighting upon our
house, only secondary feelings; no love to speak of, but kindness; no
joy, but occasional pleasure; no grief, but sometimes regret. A very
composed life, which had been broken in upon quite suddenly by a
bewildering shadow,--tragic fear, doubt, alarm,--sudden mystery no ways
explainable, or madness explainable but hopeless. In this pause of
dismay and doubt, while the dark, unknown, inexplicable figure had
turned away from the door a little, it was hard to turn from its
fascination and go quietly back to that quiet life.
Little Sara Cresswell came much about me in the library in those days;
she interested herself in my business much; she tried to interfere with
my work and help me, as the kitten called it. All the outlays on the
estate, the works that were going on, the improvements I loved to set
a-going--which did not all come to anything,--and the failures, of which
to be sure there were plenty--pleased the impatient creature mightily. I
was considered rather speculative and fanciful among the Cheshire
squires; they did not approve of my goings on; they thought me a public
nuisance for preserving no game, and making a fuss about cottages. But I
am sorry to say little Sara did not agree with the squires. She thought
my small bits of improvements very slow affairs indeed; she grew
indignant at my stinginess and contracted ideas. She thought any little
I did were just preliminary attempts not worth mentioning. When was I to
begin the work in earnest she wanted to know?
“What work, Sara?”
“What work? Why, here are you, godmamma, an old lady--you will never
grow any wiser or any better than you are,” cried the intolerable child.
“You can’t get any more good out of all that belongs to the Park than
just your nice little dinners, and teas, and the carriage, and the
servants, and, perhaps, half-a-dozen dresses in the year,--though I do
believe three would be nearer true,--and to keep all these farms, and
fields, and meadows, and orchards, and things, all for godmamma Sarah
and you! Don’t you feel frightened sometimes when you wake up suddenly
at night?”
“You saucy little puss!--why?” cried I.
“To think of the poor,” said Sara, with a solemn look. She held herself
straight up, and looked quite dignified as she turned her reproving eyes
on me. “Quantities of families without any homes, quantities of little
children growing up worse than your pigs, godmamma, quantities of people
starving, and living, and crowding, and quarrelling in black streets not
as broad as this room, with courts off from them, like those horrid,
frightful places in Liverpool. While out here you are living in your big
rooms, in your big house, with the green park all round and round you,
and farmers, and gardeners, and cottagers, and servants, and all sorts
of people, working to make you comfortable; with more money than you
know what to do with, and everything belonging to yourself, and nobody
to interfere with you. And why have you any right to it more than
_them_?”
Little Sara’s figure swelled out, and her dark eyes shone bright as she
was speaking. It took away my breath. “Are you a Chartist, child?” I
cried.
“I think I am a Socialist,” said Sara, very composedly; “but I don’t
quite know. I think we should all go shares. I have told you so a dozen
times, godmamma. Suppose papa has twelve hundred a year,--I do believe
he has a great deal more,--isn’t it dreadful? and all, not out of the
ground like yours, but from worrying people into lawsuits and getting
them into trouble. Well, suppose it was all divided among a dozen
families, a hundred a year. People can live very comfortably, I assure
you, godmamma, upon a hundred a year.”
“Who told you, child?” said I.
“The curate has only eighty,” said Sara; “his wife dresses the baby and
makes all its things herself, and they have very comfortable little
dinners. The window in my old nursery--the end window you know--just
overlooks their little parlour. They look so snug and comfortable when
the baby is good. To be sure it must be a bore taking one’s dinner with
the baby in one’s lap; and I am sure she is always in a fright about
visitors coming. I think it would be quite delightful to give them one
of papa’s hundreds a year.”
“In addition to their eighty?” said I. “Why, then, there is an end of
going shares.”
Sara coughed and stammered for a moment over this, quite at fault; but
not being troubled either about logic or consistency, soon plunged on
again as bold as ever.
“Whatever you say, godmamma, people can live quite comfortable on a
hundred a year. I have reckoned it all up; and I don’t see really any
reason why anybody should have more. Only fancy what a quantity of
hundreds a year you and godmamma Sarah might distribute if you would.
And, instead of that, you only build a few cottages and give a few
people work--work! as if they had not as good a right as anybody to
their living. People were not born only to work, and to be miserable,
and to die.”
“People were born to do a great many harder things than you think for,
Sara,” said I. “Do you think I am going to argue with a little velvet
kitten like you? I advise you to try your twelve families on the twelve
hundreds a year. But what do you suppose you would do if your godmamma
and I, having no heirs, left the Park to you, and you had your will, and
might do what you pleased?”
What put this into my head I cannot say; but I gave it utterance on the
spur of the moment. Sara stared at me for a moment, with her pretty
mouth falling a little open in astonishment. Then she jumped up and
clapped her hands. “Do, godmamma!” she cried out, “oh do; such a
glorious scatter I should make! everybody should have enough, and we’d
build the loveliest little chapel in existence to St. Millicent, if
there is such a saint. I have always thought it would be perfectly
delightful to be a great heiress. Godmamma, do!”
To see her all sparkling with delight and eagerness quite charmed me.
Had she ever heard a hint of being left heiress to the Park, of course
she must have looked wretched and conscious. Anybody would that had
thought of such a great acquisition. Sara had not an idea of that. She
thought it the best fun possible. She clapped her hands and cried, “Do,
godmamma!” She was as bold as an innocent young lion, without either
guile or fear.
“It should be tied down so that you could not part with a single acre,
nor give away above five pounds at a time,” said I.
“Ah!” said Sara, thoughtfully; “I dare say there would be a way of
cheating you somehow though, godmamma,” she said, waking up again with a
touch of malice. “People are always cheated after they are dead. I knew
a dear old lady that would not have her portrait taken for anybody but
one friend whom she loved very much; but, what do you think? after she
was gone they found the wicked wretch of a photographic man that kept
the _thing_,--the negative they call it,--and printed scores of
portraits, and let everybody have one. I would have given my little
finger to have had one; but to go and cheat her, and baulk her after she
was dead, and all for love, that is cruel. I would rather go against
what you said right out, godmamma, than go against what I knew was in
your heart.”
“Ah, Sara, you don’t know anything about it,” said I. “If you had a
great deal of money all to yourself, and could do anything you liked
with it,--as heaven knows you may have soon enough!--and were just as
foolish with it as you intend, how disgusted you would be with your
charity, to be sure, after a while! What a little misanthrope you would
grow! What mercenary, discontented wretches you would think all the
people! I think I can see you fancying how much good you are doing, and
yet doing only harm instead. Then that disagreeable old fellow,
experience, would take you in hand. The living are cheated as well as
the dead. We are all cheated, and cheat ourselves. Nothing would make me
go and have my portrait taken; but I don’t deny if I found out that
people had got it spontaneously, and handed it about among themselves
all for love, I should not be angry. You are a little goose. You don’t
know what manner of spirit you are of.”
“It is very easy talking, godmamma,” said Sara. “I was watching
yesterday when godmamma Sarah went out for her drive. The groom and the
boy were hard at work ever so long with the carriage and horses before
it was ready. I saw them out of the window of Alice’s room while she was
mending my dress for me. Then came old Jacob to the door with the
carriage. Then came godmamma Sarah leaning on Carson’s arm to go
downstairs. So there were two great horses and four human
creatures,--three men and a woman,--all employed for ever so long to
give one old lady a half-hour’s drive, when a walk would have done her
twenty times as much good,” concluded the child hastily, under her
breath.
“You speak in a very improper manner;--an old lady! You ought to have
more respect for your godmamma,” said I, indignantly. “Your godmamma has
nothing that is not perfectly suitable to her condition of life.”
“But godmamma Sarah is an old lady, whether I am respectful or not,”
said the girl stoutly. “When I see ladies driving about I wonder at
them. Two great horses that could fight or plough; and two great men
that might do the same; and all occupied about one lady’s drive! If I
were queen I would do away with drives! Ah! shouldn’t I like to be
Semiramis, the Semiramis of the story, that persuaded the king to let
her be queen for a day, and turned everything upside down, and then----”
“Cut off the king’s head. Would you do it, Sara, after he had trusted
you?” said I.
Sara came to a sudden pause. “I would not mind about cutting off his
head; but, to be sure, being _trusted_ is different. As if it were not a
story, not a word true! But please, godmamma,” cried the wild creature,
making me a curtsey, “don’t leave me the Park. I don’t want to be
trusted, please. I want to have my own way.”
Which was the truest word she ever said.
CHAPTER X.
The days wore away thus in talks with little Sara, and vague expeditions
out of doors, a misty sort of confused life. I felt as one feels when
one knows of some dreadful storm, or trial, that has passed over for a
little, only to come again by and by. After seeing Sarah show so much
feeling of one kind and another,--distress, anxiety, and apprehension
one day, and comfort and relief another,--I could not bind myself with
the thought that this could possibly pass off and come to nothing. Such
things don’t happen once and get done with. There was a secret reason
somewhere working all the same, either in her own mind alone, or in the
past and her history as well; and one time or other it must make its
appearance again. Whether it was her mind giving way; and in that case
it did not matter whether Mr. Luigi came back or not, for if he did not
appear, fancy would, doubtless seize upon some other; or whether it was
some person this young man resembled, or some part of her life which she
was afraid to hear of again which he recalled to her, in any case it was
sure to break out some other day; and I cannot tell what a strange
uncomfortable excitement it brought into my life, and how the impulse of
watching came upon me. Sarah’s smallest motions got a meaning in my
eyes. I could not take things easily as I had used to do. She had
always, of course, been very important in the house; but she had been a
kind of still life for a long time now. She would not be consulted about
leases or improvements, or anything done on the estate. So long as
everything was very comfortable and nice about her,--the fire just to
her liking, which Ellis managed to a nicety; the cooking satisfactory;
her wools nicely matched, and plenty of new patterns; her screen just in
the proper position, protecting her from the draught; and the Times
always ready when she was ready for it,--Sarah got on, as it appeared,
very comfortably. Despite all that, to be sure she would get angry
sometimes; but I was used to it, and did not mind much. Only to think
that a person, who had either in the past or in her own mind something
to work her up to such a pitch of excitement, _could_ live such a life!
She seemed to have quite resumed it now with a strange kind of
unreasoning self-consolation. If it was the Italian that disturbed her,
how could she persuade herself that he was not coming back again? Her
quiet falling back into her old way was inexplicable to me.
I seemed to myself to stand just then in a very strange position. Sarah
on one side of me all shut up and self secluded, with a whole life all
full of strange incidents, dazzling, brilliant, unforgotten years,
actual things that had happened locked in her silent memory; and little
Sara on tiptoe, on the other side, eager to plunge in her own way into
the life she dreamt of, but knew nothing about. All the wild notions of
the little girl, ridiculous-wise opinions, poor dear child, her
principles of right and justice with which she would rule the world, and
all her innocent break-downs and failures, ever in her fancy, came
pouring down upon me, pelting me at all times. And on the other side was
my sister, content to spend her life in that easy-chair, my sister whom
I knew nothing about, whose memory could go out of the Park drawing-room
into exciting scenes and wonderful events which I had never heard of.
How strange it was! I don’t remember much that I did in those days. I
lived under a confused, uneasy cloud, ready enough to be amused with
Sara’s philosophy. I am not sure that I was not all the more disposed
to smile at and tease the dear child, and be amused by all the new ideas
she started, for the troubled sensation in my own mind. Nothing could
have happened, I think, that would have surprised me. Sometimes it came
into my head whether my father could have done, or tried to do,
something when he was abroad, to cut us off from the succession; and
once I jumped bolt upright out of my seat, thinking--what if my father
had married abroad and had a son, and we were living usurpers, and Sarah
knew of it! How that idea did set my heart beating! If I had not been so
much frightened for her passions, I should have gone to her directly and
questioned her. But to be sure my father was not the man to leave off
his own will for any consideration about his daughters; and would have
been only too proud to have had a son. After thinking, I gave up that
idea; but my heart went at a gallop for hours after, and I should not
have been surprised to hear that anything had happened, or was going to
happen. Really, anything real and actual, however bad, would have been a
relief from the mystery which preyed upon me.
“Papa is coming to fetch me, to-morrow,” said Sara Cresswell, in rather
a discontented tone. “There is to be some ridiculous ball, or something.
Can anybody imagine anything so absurd as asking people to a ball when
you want to show you’re sorry to part with them? and papa might have
known, if he had ever taken the trouble to think, that I have no
dress----”
“Sara, child! how many hundreds a year do you give your dressmaker?”
said I.
“That has nothing whatever to do with it, godmamma,” said Sara, making a
slightly confused pause; and then resuming, with a defiant look into my
face,--“if I might give one hundred a year away out of all papa has got,
I could live upon one dress in a year; but what is the use of shillings
and sixpences to beggars, or of saving up a few pounds additional to
papa? I don’t call that any economy. If we were living according to
nature, it would be quite different; then I should want no ball-dresses.
Besides,” continued the refractory creature, “I don’t want to go; and if
papa insists on me going, why shouldn’t I get some pleasure out of it?
Everything else will be just the same as usual, of course.--Godmamma,”
exclaimed Sara suddenly, with a new thought, “will you ask papa anything
about this business? it is not done with yet. He will come back, and all
will have to be gone over again. Will you mention it to papa?”
She had been thinking of it too,--she, thoughtless as she was, found
something in it not of a kind to die away and be passed over. I could
not mistake, nor pretend to mistake, what she meant; it was to be read
in her very eyes.
“My dear, I have told you already that your godmamma can have nothing
whatever to do with this young man,” said I, with a little irritation;
“if she is out of sorts it is nobody’s business. Do you fancy she could
keep up an acquaintance with an Italian countess for more than twenty
years, and I know nothing of it? Nonsense! Some fancy, or some old
recollections, or something, had an effect upon her just at the moment.
Speak to your father! Why, you told me he knew nothing about the
Countess Sermoneta. Shall I ask him to feel your godmamma’s pulse and
prescribe for her? or do you suppose, even if he were fit for that, your
godmamma would allow it, without feeling herself ill? Your papa is
highly respectable, and has always been much trusted by the family. But
there are things with which one’s solicitor has nothing whatever to do;
there are things which belong to one’s self, and to nobody else in the
world.”
Poor little Sara! I did not mean to mortify the child! She grew crimson
with pride and annoyance. I had no intention of reminding her that she
was only the attorney’s daughter; but she reminded herself of it on the
instant, with all the pride of a duchess. She did not say a syllable,
the little proud creature; but turned away with such an air, her cheek
burning, her eyes flashing, her little foot spurning the ground. She
went off with a great sweep of her full skirts, disturbing the air to
such an extent that I quite felt the breeze on my cheek. Perhaps it was
just as well. Of course there was a difference between the Mortimers and
the Cresswells. Because we did not stand on our dignity, people were so
ready to forget what they owed to us. It was just as well the spoiled
child could learn, for once in her life, that it was all of grace and
favour that she was made so much of at the Park.
I made quite sure that she went to her own room directly, to see after
the packing of her things, with some thoughts of starting for home at
once, without even waiting for her father. However, when she began to
talk to her little maid Alice, about that ball-dress, I daresay the
other matter went out of the child’s head. The next that I saw of her
was when she made a rush downstairs to ask me for postage stamps, with a
letter in her hand, all closed ready to go off. She was still pouting
and ill-tempered; but she contrived to show me the address of the
letter. Alas, poor dear Bob Cresswell! it was to the Chester milliner,
the best one we had, no doubt ordering a dress for the ball. Yet I do
believe, for all that, the child could really have done what she said. I
believe, if some great misfortune had happened, and her father had lost
all his money, Sara’s first impulse would have been to clap her hands
and cry, “Now everybody shall see!” Of course it is very dreadful to
lose one’s fortune and become poor and have to work. But I wonder are
there no other spoiled creatures in the world like Sara, who have their
own ideas about such calamities, and think they would be the most famous
fun in the world? Too much of anything makes a revulsion in the mind.
Such over-indulged, capricious, spoiled children have often hardy bold
spirits, and would be thankful for some real, not sham necessity. But,
in the meantime, she had not the slightest idea of doing without her
ball-dress.
CHAPTER XI.
Mr. Cresswell came next day accordingly. I confess the very sight of him
was a sort of solace to me in my perplexities; that solid steady man,
with his sharp keen eyes and looks, as if he knew everything going on
round about him. To be sure, being a lawyer, he must have pretended to
know a great many more things than he could have any insight into.
Still, when one is in great doubt, and cannot tell where to turn, the
sight of one of these precise men, with a vast knowledge about other
people, and no affairs of their own of any consequence, is a kind of
relief to one. Such men can throw light on quantities of things quite
out of their way. I could not help saying to myself, though I had
snubbed Sara for saying it, that he might, perhaps, have helped to clear
up this mystery. But, of course, he was always a last resort if anything
more happened. They were to have dinner before they went away, and Mr.
Cresswell reached the Park by noon; so there was plenty of time to tell
him anything. He came into the drawing-room rubbing his hands. Sarah had
just come down-stairs and taken her seat. She was looking just as she
always did, no tremble in her head to speak of, her attention quite
taken up with her wools, attending to what was said, but with no anxiety
about it. When Mr. Cresswell came in her face changed a little; she
looked as if all at once she had thought of something, and gave me a
sign, which I knew meant he was to come to her. I brought him directly,
not without a great deal of curiosity. It was a warm day for the season;
and just immediately before the fire, where the good man had to sit to
listen, was not just the most comfortable position in the world. He even
contrived to make a kind of appeal to me. Couldn’t I hear what it was,
and tell him afterwards? I took no notice; I confess it was rather
agreeable to me than otherwise,--to set him down there to get roasted
before the fire.
“I want to know what you have done about Richard Mortimer,” said Sarah
in her shrill whisper; “there has been no advertisement in the Times nor
the Chester papers. I hope you are not losing time; what have you
done?”
It struck me that Mr. Cresswell looked just a little abashed and put out
by this question; but it might be the fire. He put up his hand to
shelter his face, and hitched round his chair; then shrugged his
shoulders a little, insinuating that she was making far too much of it.
“My dear lady, advertisements are the last resort. I hope to do without
any such troublesome process,” said Mr. Cresswell. “All the Mortimers in
England will rouse up at the sight of an advertisement. I should prefer
to take a little time. Information is always to be obtained privately
when one has any clue at all.”
“Then have you obtained any private information?” said Sarah, in rather
a sharp tone. She had no inclination to let him slide away till she was
quite satisfied.
“Such things take their time,” said Mr. Cresswell, devoting all his
attention to screening himself from the fire. “How you ladies can bear
cooking yourselves up so, on this mild day, I cannot understand! I can
hear you perfectly, Miss Mortimer, thank you; your voice is as distinct
as it always was, though, unfortunately not the same tone. What a voice
your sister used to have, to be sure!--went through people’s hearts like
a bell.”
This was addressed to me, in the idea of being able to wriggle out of
the conversation altogether. It is my conviction he had not taken a
single step in the matter of Richard Mortimer; but if he thought he
could shake off Sarah’s inquiries so, he deceived himself. She never
was, all her life, to be turned from her own way.
“It is sometime now since we instructed you on this subject,” said
Sarah. “If you have not made any discovery, at least you can tell us
what you are doing. Milly, there, like a fool, does not care. She talks
of Providence dropping us an heir at our door,--a foundling, I suppose,
with its name on a paper pinned to its frock,” said Sarah, growing
rather excited, and turning an angry look on me.
To my astonishment Mr. Cresswell also looked at me; his was a guilty,
conscious, inquiring look. What strange creatures we all are! This
shrewd lawyer, far from thinking that Sarah’s words referred to any
mysterious trouble or derangement in her own mind, took them up, knowing
his own thoughts, with all the quickness of guilt, to refer to Sara! He
thought we had probably had a quarrel about leaving her our heiress;
that I had stood up for her, and Sarah had opposed it. So he turned his
eyes to me to see if I would make any private telegraphic communication
to him of the state of affairs. And when he found nothing but surprise
in my eyes, turned back a little disappointed, but quite cool and ready
to stand to his arms, though he had failed of this mark.
“The truth is, there is nothing so easy as finding an heir. I’ll ensure
you to hunt him up from the backwoods, or China, or anywhere in the
world. There’s a fate connected with heirs,” said Mr. Cresswell,
pleasantly, “whether one wants them or not they turn up with all their
certificates in their pocket-books! Ah! they’re a long-lived,
sharp-sighted race; they’re sure to hear somehow when they’re wanted.
Don’t be afraid--we’ll find him, sure enough. If you had made up your
minds to disown him, and shut him out, he’d turn up all the same.”
“Milly,” cried Sarah suddenly, with her little shriek of passion, all so
unexpected and uncalled for that I fairly jumped from the table I was
standing at, and had nearly overturned her screen on the top of her,
“what do you mean by that fixed look at me? How dare you look so at me?
Did I speak of disowning any one? Richard Mortimer, when he’s found,
shall have the park that moment, if I lived a dozen years after it.
Nobody shall venture, so long as I live, to cast suspicious looks at
me!”
I declare, freely, I was unconscious of looking at her as though I had
been a hundred miles away at the moment! I stood perfectly still, gaping
with consternation and amazement. Such an unwarranted, unexpected
accusation, fairly took away my breath. Mr. Cresswell, accustomed to
observe people, was startled, and woke up from those dreams of his own
which clouded his eyesight in this particular case. He looked at her
keenly for a moment, then, turned with a rapid question in his eyes to
me; he seemed to feel in a moment there was somehow some strange new
element in the matter. But, of course, I had no answer to make to him,
either with voice or eyes.
“I was not looking at you at all, Sarah,” faltered I. “I was not looking
at anything in particular. Nobody is going to be disowned, that I know
of. Nobody is seeking our property, that I know of,” I said again
involuntarily, my eye turning with a kind of stupid consciousness, the
very last feeling in the world which I wished or intended to show, upon
Mr. Cresswell, who was quite watching my looks to see what this little
episode meant.
He coloured up in a moment. He stumbled up from his chair, looking very
much confused. He dared not pretend to know what I meant, nor show
himself conscious, even that I had looked at him. He went across the
room to the window, looked out, and came back again. It was odd to see
such a man, accustomed and trained to conceal his sentiments, so
betrayed into showing them. When he sat down again he turned his face to
the fire, and almost his back to me. Matters had changed. It appeared I
was not such a safe confidante as he had supposed.
“You shall very soon be satisfied about Mr. Richard Mortimer,” he said,
looking into the fire. “Don’t be afraid; I am on the scent; you may
trust it to me. But, really, I don’t wonder to see Miss Milly take it
very reasonably. What do you want with heirs yet? If I had any thoughts
of that kind, I should put all my powers in motion to get that little
kitten of mine married. If I leave her by herself she will throw away my
poor dear beautiful dividends in handfuls. But, somehow, the idea
doesn’t oppress me; and, of course, I am older than any lady in
existence can be supposed to be. I am----”
“Hold your tongue, Cresswell,” cried Sarah crossly. “I daresay we know
what each other’s ages are. Attend to business, please. I want Richard
Mortimer found, I tell you. You can tell him his cousin Sarah wants him.
He will come, however far off he may be, when he hears that. You can put
it in the papers, if you please.”
Saying this Sarah gave her muslin scarf a little twitch over her elbow,
and held up her head with a strange little vain self-satisfied movement.
Oh, how Mr. Cresswell did look at her! how he chuckled in his secret
soul! From what I had seen once before I understood perfectly well what
he meant. He had once taken the liberty to fall in love with Sarah
Mortimer himself; and now to see the old faded beauty putting on one of
her old airs, and reckoning on the fidelity of a man who, no doubt--it
was to be hoped, or what was to become of our search for heirs?--had
married and forgotten all about her years ago--tickled him beyond
measure. He felt himself quite revenged when he saw her
self-complacence. He ventured to chuckle at it secretly. I should have
liked, above all things, to box his ears.
“Ah! to be sure; I’ll use all possible means immediately. It’s to be
hoped he has ten children,” said Mr. Cresswell, with a very quiet
private laugh. Sarah did not observe that he was laughing at her. I
believe such an idea could never have entered her head. She began, with
an habitual motion she had got whenever she left off knitting, to rub
her fingers and stoop to the fire.
“And I insist you should come and report to us what you are doing,” said
Sarah; “and never mind Milly; see me. It is I who am interested. Milly,
as I tell you, thinks Providence will drop her an heir at the door.”
What could she mean by these spiteful sneering suggestions? I had
thought no more of heirs for many a day--never since I got involved in
this bewildering business, which I could see no way through. Her sudden
attack sent a little thrill of terror through me. _I_ was casting
suspicious looks at her; an heir was to be dropped at our door; somebody
was plotting against her fortune and honour. Good heavens! what could it
mean but one thing? Mad people are always watched, pursued, persecuted,
thwarted. I was cast from one guess to another, as if from wave to wave
of a sea. I came back to that idea again; and trembled in spite of
myself to think of little Sara and her father leaving us, and of being
left alone to watch the insane haze spreading over her mind. It was sure
to spread if it was there.
CHAPTER XII.
I will not undertake to say that we were a particularly sociable party
at dinner that day. The stranger, Mr. Cresswell, who might have been
supposed likely to give us a little news, and refresh us with the air of
out of doors, was constrained and uncomfortable with the idea of having
been found out. I am sure it was the last idea in the world which I
wanted to impress upon him. But still, in spite of myself, I had
betrayed it. Then Sara, without the faintest idea of her father’s
uneasiness, had a strong remembrance of my unlucky words on the
previous day, and was very high and stately, by way of proving to me
that an attorney’s daughter could be quite as proud as a Mortimer--as if
I ever doubted it!--and a great deal prouder. For really, when one knows
exactly what one’s position is, and that nobody can change it, one does
not stand upon one’s defence for every unwary word. However, so it was
that we were all a little constrained, and I felt as one generally feels
after a pretty long visit, even from a dear friend, that to be alone and
have the house to one’s self will just at first be a luxury in its way.
Not having any free and comfortable subject to talk of, we naturally
fell to books, though Mr. Cresswell, I believe, never opened one. He
wanted to know if Sara had been reading novels all day long, and
immediately Sara turned to me to ask whether she might have one home
with her which she had begun to read. Then there burst on my mind an
innocent way of putting a question to Mr. Cresswell which I had been
very anxious to ask without seeing any way to do it.
“I don’t think you will care for it when you do read it Sara; it is all
about a poor boy who gets persuaded not to marry, and breaks the poor
creature’s heart who is engaged to him, because there has been madness
in the family. High principle, you know. I am not quite so sure in my
own mind that I don’t think him a humbug; but I suppose it’s all very
grand and splendid to you young people. Young persons should be trained
very closely in their own family history if that is to be the way of it.
I hope there never was a Cresswell touched in his brain, or, Sara, it
would be a bad prospect for you.”
“If you suppose I should think it a bad prospect to do as Gilbert did,
you are very wrong, godmamma,” cried Sara. “Why shouldn’t he have been
quite as happy one way as the other? Do you suppose people must be
_married_ to be happy? it is dreadful to hear such a thing from you!”
“Well, to be sure, so it would be,” said I, “if I had said it. I am not
unhappy that I know of, nor happy either. Oh, you little velvet kitten,
how do you know how people get through life? One goes jog-jog, and does
not stop to find out how one feels. But I’d rather--though I daresay
it’s very bad philosophy--have creatures like you do things innocently,
without being too particular about the results. Besides, I think
Cheshire air is good steady air for the mind,--not exciting, you know. I
don’t think we’ve many mad people in our county, eh, Mr. Cresswell?--Did
you ever hear of a crazy Mortimer?”
Mr. Cresswell looked up at me a little curiously--which, to be sure,
not having any command over my face, or habit of concealing what I
thought, made me look foolish. Sarah lifted her eyes, too, with a kind
of smile which alarmed me--a smile of ridicule and superior knowledge.
Perhaps I had exposed my fears to both of them by that question. I
shrank away from it immediately, frightened at my own rashness. But Mr.
Cresswell would not let me off.
“I have always heard that your grand-uncle Lewis was very peculiar,”
said Mr. Cresswell,--“he that your cousin is descended from. Let us hope
it doesn’t run in Mr. Richard’s family. I suppose there’s no reason to
imagine that such a motive would prevent _him_ from marrying?” he
continued, rather spitefully. “And it was no wonder if Lewis Mortimer
was a little queer. What could you expect? he was the _second son_! an
unprecedented accident. The wonder is that something did not happen in
consequence. Oh yes, he was _soft_ a little, was your grand-uncle Lewis;
but most likely it descended to him from his mother’s side of the
house.”
“And my father was named after him!” cried I, with a certain dismay.
They all laughed, even Sarah. _She_ kept her eyes on me as if searching
through me to find out what I meant. She was puzzled a little, I could
see. She saw it was not a mere idle question, and wanted to know the
meaning. She was not conscious, thank heaven! and people are dismally
conscious, as I have heard, when their brain is going. This was a little
comfort to me under the unexpected answer I had got, for I certainly
never heard of a crazy Mortimer all my life.
“If qualities descended by names, my little kitten would be in luck,”
said Mr. Cresswell. “But here is a new lot of officers coming, Miss
Milly; what would you recommend a poor man to do?”
“Papa!” cried Sara, with blazing indignation, “what does any one suppose
the officers are to me? You say so to make my own godmamma despise me,
though you know it isn’t true! I can bear anything that is true. That is
why we always quarrel, papa and I. He does not mind what stories he
tells, and thinks it good fun. I am not a flirt, nor never was--never,
even when I was too young to know any better. No, godmamma, no more than
you are!--nobody dares say it of me.”
We were just rising from table when she made this defence of herself. It
was not quite true. I know she tormented that poor boy Wilde as if he
had been a mouse, the cruel creature; and I am perfectly convinced that
she was much disappointed Mr. Luigi did not come to the Park, because
she had precisely the same intentions with regard to him. I must allow,
though I was very fond of Sara, that, professing to be mighty scornful
and sceptical as to hearts breaking, she loved to try when she had it in
her power. I daresay she was not conscious of her wicked arts, she used
them by instinct; but it came to much the same thing in the end.
I went out of the room with her, under pretence of seeing that her boxes
were nicely packed; I did not say anything about it, whether I thought
her a flirt or not, and she quieted down immediately, with a perception
that I had something to say. I drew her into the great window of the
hall, when Sarah, and immediately after her Mr. Cresswell,--for, of
course, to him our early dinner only served as lunch, and no man would
dream of sitting over his wine at three o’clock in the afternoon,
especially in a lady’s house,--had passed into the drawing-room. It was
a great round bay-window, at one end of the hall, where our footmen used
to lounge in my father’s time, when we kept footmen. It had our
escutcheon in it, in painted glass, and the lower panes were obscured, I
cannot tell why, unless because it made them look ugly. The hall was
covered with matting, and the fire had been lighted that day, but must
have gone out, it felt so cold.
“Sara, I wish to say to you--not that I don’t trust your discretion, my
dear child;” said I, “but you might not think I cared--don’t say
anything about your godmamma, or about this Mr. Luiggi, dear----”
I was quite prepared to see her resent this caution, but I was not
prepared for the burst of saucy laughter with which the foolish little
girl replied to me.
“Oh dear, godmamma, don’t be so comical! it isn’t Luiggi, it’s Luidgi,
that’s how it sounds,” cried Sara. “To think of any one murdering the
beautiful Italian so! Don’t you really think it’s a beautiful name?”
“I freely confess I never could see any beauty in Italian, nor any other
outlandish tongue,” said I. “Luidgi, be it, if that’s better. I can’t
see how it makes one morsel of difference; but you will remember what I
say?”
“Luigi simply means Lewis; and how should you be pleased to hear Lewis
mispronounced? You said it was your father’s name, godmamma,” said the
incorrigible child.
I turned away, shaking my head. It was no use saying anything more; most
likely she would pay attention to what I said, though she was so
aggravating; oh, but she was contrairy. Never man spoke a truer word.
Nevertheless, as she stood there in her velvet jacket, with her
close-cropped pretty curls, and her eyes sparkling with laughter, I
could not help admiring her myself. I don’t mind saying I am very
inconsistent. A little while before, I had been thinking it would be
rather pleasant to have the house quiet and to ourselves. Now, I could
not help thinking what a gap it would leave when she was gone. Then the
child, who at home was led into every kind of amusement (to be sure
_procurable in Cheshire_, must be added to this), had been so contented,
after all, to live with two old women, whom nobody came to see, except
now and then in a morning call; and though she was so wicked, and
provoking, and careless, she was at the same time so good and clever
(when she pleased) and captivating. One could have put her in the
corner, and kissed her the next moment. As she stood there in the light
of the great window, I, who had left her, shaking my head, and
reflecting how contrairy she was, went back to kiss her, though I gave
her a little shake as well. That is how one always feels to these
creatures, half-and-half; ready to punish them and to pet them all at
once.
However, after a while (though it was no easy matter getting Sara’s
trunks on the carriage--I wonder Mr. Cresswell ventured on it, for his
poor horse’s sake), they went away; and feeling just a little dull after
they were gone, and as it was just that good-for-nothing time, which is
the worst of an early dinner, the interval between dinner and tea, I set
out for a walk down to the village. It was Sarah’s day for her drive,
and she passed me on the road, and kissed her hand to me out of the
carriage window. No blinds down now; the horses going at their steady
pace, rather slowly than otherwise, wheeling along through the soft
hedgerows which began to have some buds on them. I wonder what Jacob
thought of it; I wonder what Williams at the lodge had to say on the
subject. Such a strange unreasonable change!
CHAPTER XIII.
I called at a good many houses in the village. I am thankful to say I
have rarely found myself unwelcome, to the best sort of people at least.
Most of us have known each other so long, and have such a long stretch
of memory to go back upon together, that we belong to each other in a
way. As for the scapegraces, they are a little frightened of me, I
confess. They say, Miss Milly comes a-worriting, when I speak my mind to
them. I can’t say the men reverence me, nor the women bless my
influence, as I read they do with some ladies in some of Miss Kate
Roberts’ books. But we are good friends on the whole. When the men have
been drinking, and spent all their wages, or saucy, and put out of their
place, then they try their best to deceive me, to be sure; but I know
all their little contrivances pretty well by this time. They don’t mean
much harm after all, only to persuade one that things are not so bad as
they look.
After I had given a glance into the shop where I saw Mr. Luigi’s fat
servant,--I only saw him once, but yet the place seemed full of that
fat, funny, good-humoured, outlandish figure, with his bows and smiles,
and loquacious foreign speech, that poor Mrs. Taylor commiserated so
deeply--I stepped across to the rectory to make a call there. The poor
young shopkeeper, who had a night-class for the men and grown lads, and
was really an intelligent, well-meaning young man, had been confiding
his troubles to me. They did not care a bit about learning; they did not
even want to read. When they did read it was the most foolish books!
Poor young Taylor’s heart was breaking over their stupidity. And then,
to keep a shop, even a bookshop, hurt his “feelings,” poor lad. He had
been brought up for a teacher’s profession, he said--he even had some
experience in “tuition.” He had thought he could make a home for his
mother and his little sister; and now Dr. Appleby was grumbling that he
did not succeed, and thought it his own fault! Poor young fellow! to be
sure, he should have gone stolidly through with it, and had no business
to have any “feelings.” But, you see, people will be foolish in every
condition of life.
So I stepped across the road to call on Miss Kate, thinking of him all
the way; thinking of him and that unknown young Italian, only once seen,
whom the apparition of the fat servant in Taylor’s shop somehow
connected with the young shopkeeper. How Mr. Luigi had forced himself
into all my thoughts! and yet the only one fact I knew about him was,
that he was looking for an apocryphal lady whom nobody ever heard of!
Should I have thought no more about him but for Sarah’s mysterious
agitation? I really cannot tell. Again and again his voice came back to
me, independent of Sarah. Whose voice was it? Where had he got that
hereditary tone?
Miss Kate was in, for a great wonder. She was wonderfully active in the
parish. She was far more the rector, except in the pulpit, than good Dr.
Roberts was. I am sure he was very fortunate to have such an active
sister. I don’t think anything ever happened, within a space of three or
four miles round the village, that Miss Kate was not at the bottom of
it. Of course I expected to hear everything over again that Dr. Roberts
had told us about Mr. Luigi. But, so long as Sarah was not present, I
could take that quite easily. Indeed, I wished so much to know more of
this stranger, somehow, that I really felt I should be glad to hear all
that they had to say.
“I was indeed very much interested in the young man,” said Miss Kate,
starting the subject almost immediately, as I expected. “I think great
efforts should be made to lay hold of every one that comes out of his
poor benighted country. I said so to the Doctor; but the Doctor’s views,
you know, are _very_ charitable. Mr. Hubert, however, quite agreed with
me. I asked him to come back when he came to this part of the country
again, and said I should be very glad to have some _serious_
conversation with him. He stared, but he was very polite; only, poor
young man, his thoughts are all upon this lady. I have no doubt he
thought it was that business I wanted to talk to him about.”
“But I suppose, like Dr. Roberts, you can throw no light upon her; who
she is, or where she is?” said I. “It is strange he should seem so
positive she was here, and yet nobody remembers her. For my own part, if
I had once heard it, I am sure I should never have forgotten that name.
I have a wonderful memory for names.”
“Very strange no doubt,” said Miss Kate, with a little cough. “And then,
that man of his. Alas, what an imprisoned soul! To think he should be
in the very midst of light and faithful preaching, and yet not be able
to derive any benefit from it! I never regretted more deeply not having
kept up my own Italian studies. And poor Mr. Hubert--but you would hear
all about that; the Doctor does so delight in an amusing story. They
could not understand each other in the very least, you know. Ah, what a
matter it would be to get hold of that poor Domenico--that’s his name.
Why, he might be quite an apostle among his countrymen, when he got
back. But nothing can be done till he can be taught English, or some
agency can be found out in Italian. I can’t tell you how much interest I
feel in these poor darkened creatures. And to think they should be in
the midst of the light, and no possibility of bringing them under its
influence! I don’t speak of the master, of course, who knows English
very well; but I am not one that am a respecter of persons,--the servant
is quite as much, if not more, interesting to me.”
“If they stay long I daresay he’ll learn English,” I suggested modestly;
“but it will be a sad pity if the poor gentleman has come so far to seek
out this lady, and can’t find any trace of her. I promised him to do all
I could to find out for him; but nobody seems ever to have heard of her.
It will be a thousand pities if he has all his trouble for no end.”
“Ah, Miss Milly! let us hope he may acquire something else that will far
more than repay him,” said Miss Kate; “disappointments are often great
blessings in directing one’s mind away from worldly things. We were all
very much interested in him, I assure you. Mr. Hubert promised to write
to a friend of his in Chester to ask if he could give him any
assistance. If it were only for the sake of that strange
resemblance,--the Doctor would tell you, of course, the resemblance
which struck both him and myself?”
“No,” cried I; “did you find out anybody he was like? I only saw him in
the dark, and could not make out his face; but his voice has haunted me
ever since. I was sure I knew the voice.”
“I wonder the Doctor did not mention it,” said Miss Kate, with a little
importance. “The truth is, it struck us both a good deal; a resemblance
to your family, Miss Milly.”
I don’t know whether I was most disposed to sink down upon my chair or
start up from it with a cry; I did neither, however.
“To _my_ family?” I gasped out.
“Yes; it was very singular,” said Miss Kate; “I daresay, of course, it
was only one of those accidental likenesses. I remember being once
thought very like your sister. How strange you should think you knew his
voice! You have some relations in Italy, perhaps?”
“Not that I know of,” said I, feeling very faint. I cannot tell what I
was afraid of; but I felt myself trembling and shaken; and I durst not
get up and go out either, or Miss Kate would have had it all over the
parish before night, that something had gone wrong at the Park.
But I don’t remember another word she said. I kept my seat, and answered
her till I thought I might reasonably be supposed to have stayed long
enough. Then I left the rectory, my mind in the strangest agitation.
That this stranger, who had driven Sarah half mad, should be like our
family; what a bewildering, extraordinary thing to think of! But
stranger still, at this moment, when I had just heard such a wonderful
aggravation of my perplexity--that voice of his which had haunted me so
long, and which I felt sure I could identify at once, if the person it
once belonged to was named to me, vanished entirely from my mind as if
by some conjuring trick. It was extraordinary--it looked almost
supernatural. I could no more recall that tone, which I had recalled
with perfect freshness and ease when I entered the rectory garden, than
I could clear up the extraordinary puzzle thus gathering closer and
closer round all my thoughts.
In this state of mind I hurried home, feeling really as if there must be
something supernatural in the whole business, and too much startled to
ask any definite questions of myself. When I had reached the house, and
was going upstairs, I met one of the maids coming down, who had been
upon some errand into Sarah’s room. This careless girl had left--a thing
never even seen when my sister happened to be out for her drives--the
room-door open. Before I knew what I was doing, I had stepped inside. I
can’t tell what I wanted--whether to speak with Sarah or to spy upon
her, or to listen at her door. Carson and she were in the dressing-room,
I could hear. And now I will tell you what I did. I don’t think I was
responsible for my actions at that moment; but whether or not, this is
what I did. I stepped forward stealthily, stooped down to the keyhole,
and listened at the door!
There! I have said it out. Nobody else knows it to this day. I, who
called myself an honourable person, listened at my sister’s door. For
the first five minutes I was so agitated by my strange position that,
of course, I did not hear a word they said. But after a little I began
to hear indistinctly that they were talking of some letter that had
better be burned--that Carson was speaking in a kind of pleading tone,
and Sarah very harsh and hard, her words easier to be distinguished in
that hissing whisper of hers than if she had spoken in the clearest
voice imaginable. I can’t say I was much the better for the
conversation, till at last, just as I was going away, came this, which
made my heart beat so loud that I thought it must be heard inside that
closed mysterious door:
“And to think they should have called him Lewis, too; though the English
is a deal the prettiest. Ah, ma’am,” cried Carson, with a little stifled
sob, “it showed love in the heart!”
“Yes, for the Park,” said Sarah, in her whisper. I dared not stay a
moment longer, for I heard them both advancing to the door. I fled to my
own room, and dropped down there on my sofa stupified. My head ached as
if it would burst. My heart thumped and beat as if it would leap out of
my bosom Lewis! my father’s name--and, good heaven!--the voice! What did
it--what could it mean?
PART IV.
THE LIEUTENANT’S WIFE.
(_Continued._)
CHAPTER I.
What a strange little quaint place Chester is! I thought I should never
have been tired walking along those ramparts, looking over the soft
green slopes, and up to the blue hills in the distance, and down here
and there upon the grey old churches and the quiet busy little town; but
at first we had our lodgings to look for, which was a much more serious
matter. I had made up my mind from the very first not to expect to be
called upon, nor to go into society; or rather I had set my face against
any chance of it, knowing always that we could not do it on the little
money we had. But now I found out that Harry was not content with this.
He was very anxious to have better lodgings, where ladies could come to
see me. I should say dearer lodgings, for better than Mrs. Saltoun’s we
could not have had. He wanted me to have quite a drawing-room instead of
our nice, cosy, old-fashioned parlour, which was good for everything;
and then to think people might be asking us to dinner, and how many
embarrassments and troubles we might meet with! For it is embarrassing
to be asked out, and to be obliged to let the people suppose you are
sulky, and ill-tempered, and _won’t_ go; or else to invent excuses
which, besides being sinful, are always sure to be found out; when the
real reason is simply that one has not a dress, and cannot afford to
get one just then. The other ladies in the regiment might wonder what
sort of person I could be, and tell each other that poor young Langham
had married some poor girl, and been very foolish. It was exactly
true--so he had; and as I can’t say I had any idea that he could be
ashamed of me, I took it all very quietly. So long as we were happy, and
could afford to live in our own way, I did not mind; but now Harry had
got discontented, somehow or other. He was quite in a fuss to think that
I was not received as I ought to be, and a great many more things like
that--perhaps somebody had said something to him, as if he were supposed
to be ashamed of me--at all events he had changed his mind from our
first plan; and though I felt quite convinced my way was the wisest, I
had to change it as before. Anything was better than having him
uncomfortable and discontented. I supported myself with Mrs. Saltoun’s
opinion, and went with resignation to look at all those expensive
lodgings.
The people seemed all to guess that we belonged to the new regiment; and
some of them were quite great ladies, and quite enlightened me as to
what we should require. For most of the day I was in a perfect panic;
every place seeming dearer than another. When we went into those
expensive rooms I always found out something that it was quite
impossible for me to tolerate (quite independent, of course, you know,
of any question of price!) till Harry quite fretted at my
fastidiousness. At last we did find a place _that suited me_. It was no
great thing in point of situation. It was a first floor, a front and
back drawing-room. I believe, candidly, that the back room was about as
big as Mrs. Saltoun’s good substantial old dining-table, which we used
to have in our sitting-room in Edinburgh; but then there were
folding-doors; and the front drawing-room was decorated and ornamented
to such a pitch that one was quite afraid to sit down in any of the
chairs. When I heard what the rent was, I was charmed with the rooms.
Harry could not understand my enthusiasm. I found it the handiest place
in the world;--and then it showed such discrimination in the landlady to
ask so moderate a rent. We fetched Lizzie and baby from the inn
directly, and dismissed Harry to look at the town. And really, when we
got a little settled, it was not so uncomfortable; though, to be sure,
to give up the sizeable room for company (and they never came!), and to
live in that little box behind was very foolish, as I always thought.
However, when, I above and Lizzy below, we had investigated the house,
and when the landlady was made to comprehend, with difficulty, that our
washing was done at home, and that her toleration of these processes was
needful, and when her wonder and the first shock to her system conveyed
in this piece of intelligence was over, things looked tolerably
promising. The worst was, we had no view; no view whatever except the
bit of garden plot before the house, filled with dusty evergreens, and
the corner of a street which led to the railway station. The cabs and
people, going to and from the trains, made the only variety in the
prospect; and anybody will allow that was sadly different from windows
which looked sidelong over the corner of Bruntsfield Links, upon the
Castle, and the Crags, and Arthur’s Seat. However, what I had to think
of, in the meantime, was how to live without getting into debt; for, of
course, people like us, with just so much money coming in (and oh, how
very, very little it was!), had neither any excuse nor any way of saving
themselves if once they ventured into debt.
Thus we got established in our new quarters; and many a long ramble I
took with Harry along those strange superannuated walls.--To think how
they once stood up desperate, in defence, round the brave little town!
to think of the wild Welsh raging outside on that tranquil turf, where
the races were now-a-days; to think of those secure streets down there,
that lengthened themselves out presumptuously beyond the ramparts, and
even cut passages through them, once cowering in alarm below their
shadow! The place quite captivated me; and then the streets themselves,
the strange dark covered pathways, steps up from the street, with the
shops lurking in their shadow! like some of the German towns, Harry told
me. Looking into them from the street, and seeing the stream of
passengers coming and going, through the openings and heavy wooden beams
of the railing; or looking out of one of those openings upon a kind of
street-scenes and life that had nothing in the world to do with the
strange old-world arcade, from which one looked out as from a balcony,
was as good as reading a book about ancient times. It was not like my
dear Edinburgh, to be sure, but it was very captivating; and Harry and I
enjoyed exploring together. It was all new and fresh to us--and it was
spring; and when you have nothing to trouble you much, it is delightful
to see new places, and get new pictures into the mind. Chester was quite
as novel, and fresh, and captivating, though it was only in our own
country, as that German Munich which Harry told me of--Harry had been a
great traveller before he joined, while his father was so long
ill--could have been.
Lizzie, however, was not nearly so much at her ease as I was. When she
felt herself laughed at, and looked at, and misunderstood, Lizzie fell
back into her chronic state of awkwardness. Her national pride was
driven to enthusiasm by her contact with “thae English.” Lizzie
entertained a steady disbelief that the tongue in which she heard
everybody speak--which was far enough from being a refined one,
however,--was their native and natural speech. “They were a’ speaking
grand for a purpose o’ their ain, to make folk believe they were lords
and leddies,” Lizzie said; and with a still higher pitch of indignation,
“Mem, _you_ aye understood me, though you’re an English leddy; and think
o’ the like o’ them setting up no’ to understand what _your_ lass means
when she’s speaking! I dinna understand _them_, I’m sure,--no half a
dozen words. To hear that clippit English, and the sharp tongues they
have, deaves me. The very weans in the street they’ve nae innocence in
them. They’re a’ making a fashion of speaking as fine as you.”
“Never mind, Lizzie; you’ll soon get accustomed to them, and make
friends,” said I, with an attempt at consolation.
“Friends! I never had anybody belonging to me but a faither,” said
Lizzie, who understood relations to be signified by that word: “but I’m
no heeding now; and I’ll soon learn to nip the ends off the words like
the rest o’ them. There’s a grand green for drying, that Mrs.
Goldsworthy calls the back ga’den; and, if you’ll no’ be angry, I can do
the ironing grand mysel’.”
“You! but I dare not trust you, Lizzie,” said I, shaking my head. “Mr.
Langham would find it out--I mean he would find me out--if they were not
quite so well done; and you don’t consider what quantities of things you
will have to do--to keep the drawing-room nice, and get tea and
breakfast, and wash, and I don’t know what; and yet always to be tidy,
and keep baby all day long. You don’t know what you have on your hands
already, you unlucky girl.”
“Eh, I’m glad!” cried Lizzie, clapping her hands together with fervour;
and her brown eyes sparkled, and her uncouth figure grew steady with the
delight of conscious energy and power. If she had been eighteen she
would not have been so simple-minded. Never anybody was so fortunate as
I had been in my little maid.
CHAPTER II.
Very soon we began to get interested in the people round about us; for
we were not here, as we had been in Mrs. Saltoun’s little house, the
only strangers. By means of Lizzie, who was much annoyed at the
discovery, I found out that the house was quite full of lodgers. On the
ground floor there was a foreign gentleman and his servant. The
gentleman was absent at first; but the man, a very fat,
good-humoured-looking fellow, who adopted us all into his friendship
immediately, and expanded into smiles through the railings of the stair
when any of us went up or down, was in full possession. The way that
Lizzie avoided this smiling ogre, and the way in which he appreciated
her panic, and was amused by it, and conciliated and coaxed her, was the
most amusing thing I ever saw. And the way he opened the door for me,
and took off his hat, and laid his hand on his heart and bowed! The good
fellow quite kept us in amusement. When baby, who was getting on
famously and noticing everything, crowed at him, in spite of his great
beard, as children _will_ do to men (it is very odd; but babies _do_
take to strange men sooner than to strange women, I believe), the fat
foreigner burst into great shouts of delighted laughter, and snapped his
fat fingers, and made the funniest grimaces to please the child. None of
us could speak a single word of his language; we did not even know at
first what countryman he was; but we all got to have the most friendly,
kind feeling for the stranger,--all except Lizzie, who stumbled up and
flew downstairs in her anxiety to avoid his eyes. One bad habit he
certainly had; he smoked perpetually. He smoked cigars--shocking bad
ones, Harry said: he did not even put them down when he sprang out of
his parlour to open the door for me; but only withdrew the one he was
smoking from his full red lips, and held it somehow concealed in his
hand. As he was constantly about in the house, or lingering close at
hand with his great-coat buttoned on round his throat like a cloak, and
the empty sleeves waving from his shoulders, stamping his feet on the
ground, and whistling like a bird, this smell of bad cigars was
perpetually about the house. Poor Mrs. Goldsworthy went up and down with
the most grieved look upon her face. If any one made the least sign of
having smelt anything disagreeable, she held up her hands in the most
imploring way, and said, “What can a poor body do? He’s the obligingest
creatur as ever was! and he don’t know a word of Christian language; and
the gentleman--which is a _real_ gentleman, and none o’ your
make-believes--as good as left him in my charge; and, bless you, if he
will smoke them cigars, and don’t understand a word a body says to him,
what am I to do?” Indeed, for my own part, I had not only a great
sympathy for him, but I could not help liking the fat fellow; and after
a few days it was astonishing how we got used to the cigars.
Then we ourselves occupied the two next floors. It was a strange little
house; two rooms, back and front, piled on the top of each other four
stories high; the top-story rooms were attics; and there was actually a
lodger in each of those attics! Where Mrs. Goldsworthy and her daughter
slept themselves was more than either Lizzie or I could make out. One of
the attic lodgers was a thin, wistful man, whom I could not help looking
at. He worked at something in his own room, and used to go out to dine.
He was always very neat and clean; but very threadbare, and with a
hungry look that went to one’s heart. Perhaps it was not want; maybe he
was hungry for something else than mere money or nourishment; but
sometimes I am sure I should not have been surprised to hear that he was
starving too. Sometimes he looked at me or at baby in his wistful way,
just as he vanished past us. I can’t say he ever smiled, even at little
Harry; but still we drew his eyes when he chanced to meet us going out
or in. I felt a great compassion for this poor solitary man. He was a
man that might have been found starved, but never would have asked any
charity; at least so I thought of him. I used to fancy him sitting in
his solitary room upstairs by the window, and not by the fire,--for we
never heard him poking any fire, and often saw him at the window,--and
wondered how people could get so isolated, and chilled, and solitary;
how they lived at all when they came to that condition--benumbed of all
comfort, and still not frozen to death. How strange to think of keeping
on living, years and years after one’s heart is dead! Harry said I was
fanciful and continually made stories about people; but I did not tell
Harry one half of my fancies; I don’t know what he would have done to me
if I had; but I did so wish I could have some chance of doing something
to please that old man.
One day Harry came downstairs with a smile on his face. “There is the
most ludicrous scene going on below; come and look, Milly,” he said,
drawing me to the stairs. I peeped down, and there, to be sure, I saw a
reason for the sound of talking I had heard for a few minutes past.
Lizzie was sitting on the stair, pondering deeply, with a perplexed
face, over a large book spread out on the step above her. She was
holding baby fast in one arm, and staving off his attempts to snatch at
the leaves of the book. Leaning on the bannisters regarding her, and
holding forth most volubly in an unknown tongue, was our fat friend; and
between every two or three words he pointed to the book, making a sort
of appeal to it. The contrast between the two--she silent and
bewildered, confused by her efforts to restrain baby and comprehend the
book--he, the vast full figure of him, so voluble, so good-humoured, so
complacent, talking with his fat arms and fingers, his gestures, and
every movement he made--talking with such confidence that language which
nobody understood--was almost as irresistible to me as to Harry. We
stood looking down at them, extremely amused and wondering. Then Lizzie,
failing to comprehend the book, and hearing herself addressed so
energetically, raised her round eyes, round with amazement, to the
speaker’s face. The unknown tongue awed Lizzie; she contemplated him
with speechless wonder and dismay; until at last, when the speaker made
an evident close appeal to her, with a natural oratory which she could
not mistake, unintelligible as was its meaning, her amazement burst
forth in words. “Eh, man, what _div_ ye mean?” cried Lizzie, in the
extremity of her puzzled wonder. It was the climax of the scene. Though
I thrust Harry back into the room instantly, that his laughter might not
be heard, and smothered my own as best I could, the sound caught
Lizzie’s watchful ears. In another moment she had reached the top of the
stairs, breathless, with her charge in her arms. The puzzled look had
not left Lizzie’s eyes, but she was deeply abashed and ashamed of
herself. Harry’s laughter did not mend the matter, of course. She
dropped baby in my arms, and twisted herself into all her old awkward
contortions. I had to send her away and dismiss Harry into the other
room. Poor Lizzie had never possessed sufficient courage to permit
herself to be accosted by the dreadful foreigner before.
However, we were not less amused when we heard what Mrs. Goldsworthy
would have called “the rights of it.” Lizzie, with great resolution,
determined to have herself exculpated, came to me with her statement as
soon as she was quite assured that “the Captain” was out of the way.
“Eh! I came to think at last he was, maybe, a Hielander,” said Lizzie,
“though they’re seldom that fat. And he laid down the book straight
before in the stair. I kent what kind of book it was. It was the book
wi’ a’ kind o’ words, and the meanings. But the meanings just were
English, and the words were some other language. And I kind of guessed
what he wanted, too. He wanted me to look in the book for the words he
said, to tell me what he meant; but eh! how was I to ken where one word
ended and another began? And he just hurried on and on; and the mair I
listened, the mair I could not hear a single word, and looking at the
book was just nonsense; and Master baby, he would try his hand; and oh,
Mem, if you’re angry, I didna mean ony ill, and I’ll never do it again.”
“Nonsense, Lizzie! I am not angry; but couldn’t you get on with the
dictionary, and help the poor fellow? Were not you a very good scholar
at school?”
“No very,” said Lizzie, hanging her head in agonies of pleased but
painful bashfulness, and unconsciously uttering her sentiments in
language as puzzling to an English hearer as any uttered by our fat
friend downstairs. “No very,” said Lizzie, anxiously truthful, yet not
unwilling to do herself due credit;--“no _very_, but gey.”
Here I fear my laugh rather shocked and affronted Lizzie. She stood very
upright, and twisted nothing but her fingers. It would have been as
impossible to persuade her that there was scarcely a person in Chester,
but myself, who could have translated that exquisite monosyllable as to
convince the foreigner that he was actually and positively
incomprehensible in spite of the dictionary. But I will not attempt to
interpret _gey_; it is untranslatable, as we are quite content so many
French words should be. Even into Harry’s head, which should be capable
of better things, I find it quite impossible to convey an idea of the
expressiveness of this word. Lizzie and I, however, knew no other to put
in its place.
“But a _gey_ good scholar might do a great deal for the poor fellow,”
said I, when I had got over my laughter; “tell him the English names for
things. Try if you can find out his name; but I forgot you were
frightened for him, Lizzie.”
“Aye, till I thought he might, maybe, be a Hielander,” said Lizzie.
“Though the Hielanders dinna belang to us at hame, they might feel
kindly in a strange place; and I’ve heard folk speaking Gaelic. But this
is no like Gaelic, it’s a’ aws and os; and it’s awfu’ fast, just a
rattle; a’ the words run in to one another. Forbye what harm could he do
me? and the book was straight in my way on the stair; and it gangs to my
heart to set my foot on a book. Ye might be trampin’ ower a bit o’ the
Bible without kennin’; and then he’s very good-natured; and then,” said
Lizzie, her eyes suddenly glowing up, “it would be grand to learn a
language that nae ither body kens!”
With the greatest cordiality I applauded this crowning argument, and did
all I could to encourage her to persevere with the dictionary, and make
herself interpreter; for I was not wise enough to think that this new
study might possibly be too captivating for Lizzie, and lead her into
neglect of her many and pressing duties. I only thought it was the most
amusing mode of intercourse I ever heard of, and that it would be great
fun to watch its progress. Besides, as she said herself, what harm could
he do her? Poor Lizzie, who might have been in danger at an elder age in
such a comical friendship, was invulnerable to all the dangers of
flirtation at fourteen.
CHAPTER III.
About this time Harry’s object was attained, and some of the other
ladies of the regiment called on me. I think they were a little
surprised to find me just like other people, and not very much afraid of
them; though I will confess that in my heart I was rather anxious,
thinking whether Lizzie would have the discretion to put baby’s best
frock on, in case they asked to see him. They did ask, of course; and
when, after a few minutes, Lizzie came down, not only with his best
frock on, but with the ribbon I had just got to trim my bonnet for
spring, carefully tied round his waist for a sash, anybody may imagine
what my feelings were! He looked very pretty in it certainly; but only
fancy my good ribbon that I had grudged to buy, and could not do
without! Ah! it is just possible that one’s nursery-maid may be too
anxious to show off one’s baby to the best advantage. However, of
course, I had to smile and make the best of it, and console myself with
bursting forth upon Lizzie whenever they were gone.
“How could you think of taking my ribbon! oh, Lizzie, Lizzie! and I am
sure I cannot afford to buy another one,” cried I.
“It’s a’ preened on,” said Lizzie mysteriously, “there’s no a single
crumple in’t; and I made the bows just like what the leddies have them
on their bonnets, and it’s no a bit the waur. But, Mem, the very weans
in the street have a sash round their waist; and was I gaun to let on to
strangers that our bairn hadna everything grand? And he sat still like a
king till I fastened it a’ on. You see yoursel’ it has taken nae harm.”
“But the pins!” cried I, in horror. “Were you not afraid, you dreadful
girl, to make a pincushion of my boy?”
Lizzie was fast taking them out, conveying them to her mouth in the
first place, and furtively withdrawing them again lest I should observe
her. Her only answer was to point triumphantly to the child.
“Would he laugh like that if I had jaggit him?” cried Lizzie. There was
no contesting that proof; so I had to withdraw the ribbon out of their
joint hands immediately, and put it at once to its proper use. This,
however, was neither the first nor the last of Lizzie’s impromptus.
Those great red fingers of hers, all knuckles and corners as they were,
had that light rapid touch which distinguishes every true _artiste_. She
devised and appropriated for the decoration of the baby and “the credit
of the house,” with the utmost boldness. It was not safe to leave
anything which she could adapt to his use in her way.
The next trial I had was an invitation to dinner, which came for us
shortly after. I set my face very much against it. Long ago, when Harry
used to tell me about their parties, I made up my mind it never would do
for us to begin going to them, however much we might be asked. To be
sure Harry might go. I was always glad Harry should go; but how was I,
who had got no trousseau, like other young wives, when I was married,
but just had one cheap silk dress, bought off Aunt Connor’s ten pounds,
which I made up myself, to go out to dinner? I stood out long and
obstinately; but I had to give in at last, just as I had about the maid
and the lodgings. Harry would not go by himself. He would not decline
the invitation; he said, with a very glum face, that we had better
accept, and leave it to the chapter of accidents to find an excuse at
the time. He did not understand how necessary it was for me to keep at
home. He had been able always to go where he wanted, and keep up with
the rest, and it fretted him dreadfully now to feel the bondage that our
narrow means put us in. You understand he did not object to be
economical in a general way, nor even, indeed, grumbled, the dear good
fellow, at giving up many of his old luxuries; and, at first, he seemed
to be delighted with having no society but our own. But now, when he
began to feel annoyed that his wife was not in the same position as the
others, and when I plied him with all the old arguments--that we dare
not begin such a life or the expense would ruin us, Harry became very
restive indeed. Somehow it seemed to gall and humble him; the idea that
_his_ wife could not go out for want of a dress! He could not put up
with the thought; he jumped up from his chair as if something had stung
him. “It is nonsense, Milly! folly; the merest shortsightedness; you
don’t want half a dozen dresses to go to one dinner, and one dress can’t
ruin us,” cried the unreasonable fellow. He would not understand me or
listen to me. The notion wounded him quite to the heart. He looked so
sulky and miserable that I could not bear to see it. I gave a great
sigh, and gave in again. What could I do?
“Well, Harry!” said I, “the foolishness is all on the other side, mind;
but if I must give in I can’t help myself. I am only twenty, not twenty
quite. I’ll go in white.”
“Bravo! you could not do better than go in white!” cried Harry, “there’s
a courageous woman! But why, may an ignoramus ask, should you not go in
white, Milly darling! Isn’t it the dress of all others for a--well, an
ugly little creature like you?”
“I am not so sure about the ugly,” said I; “and now, please, get your
hat and come out with me. I saw the fashions in a window at the other
end of the street. Let us go and look at them, and then I shall know how
to make it up.”
“Why can’t you go to the milliner like other people,” growled the
unsatisfied man; “and why, answer my question, shouldn’t you go in
white?”
I durstn’t confess that I had my own vanity in the matter, and being a
matron, rather despised a white muslin frock to go out in; for if I had
betrayed the least inkling of such a thing, there is no saying what he
might not have done; run up a bill, or paid away all the money he had,
or something; so I stopped his mouth with some foolish answer, and ran
off to get my bonnet. Upstairs baby was sitting on the carpet, with
Lizzie beside him, jumping a little paste-board harlequin to please him.
Her brown eyes were quite sparkling over the loose-legged, insane
figure, as she jerked the string about. I could not help but stand and
look at her for a moment with a startled sensation. She was just as much
amused as baby was. Only to think of such a child being left in charge
of our boy! I went downstairs in consequence with a slower step, after
having given Lizzie a superabundance of cautions about taking care of
him. Only a girl of fourteen! I daresay all this time you must have been
thinking I was mad to trust her; but, indeed, she was a very
extraordinary girl; and after all, when you think it, fourteen is quite
a trustworthy age. She was old enough to know what she ought to do, and
not old enough to be distracted by thoughts of her own. Ah, depend upon
it, fourteen is more single-minded than eighteen; and then Lizzie had a
woman’s strength and handiness along with her child’s heart.
Not to delay longer about it, we did go to the party. Harry said I
looked very well on the whole; he did not think he would have been
disposed to exchange with anybody. I had no jewellery at all, which was
rather a little humiliating to me; but, to my wonder and delight, Harry
did not object to that. “They’ll only think you’re setting up for
simplicity,” he said, laughing. “I suppose it’s safer to be thought a
little humbug than to have your dreadful destitution known. Come along.
Nobody will suspect you have not a bracelet; only mind you behave
yourself very innocently, like a little shepherdess, and you’ll take
everybody in.”
I cannot say I very much admired this piece of advice; and if Harry had
thought me the least likely to take it, I am sure he would not have been
so ready with his good counsels. The party disappointed me a great deal.
How is it one reads in books of society being so captivating, and
intoxicating, and all that, and how, when one is used to it, one can’t
do without it? On the contrary, it was as dull--duller than anybody
could imagine! Instead of that delightful stream of conversation always
kept up, and so easy, and so witty, and so clever, you could see
perfectly well that everybody was trying to contrive what they should
say, and to find out things that would bear talking about. The poor lady
of the house was so anxious to keep up the talk that she ate no dinner
in the first place; and in the second, evidently frightened by the
pauses that occurred, kept talking loud herself, and dancing on from one
subject to another till she was quite breathless. Then there was one man
who was expected to make you laugh--people prepared to laugh whenever he
opened his lips; but I am sorry to say I was so indiscreet as only to
stare at him, and wonder what it was about. I caught the eye of the
young lady sitting by him as I did so. She was little,--less than
me,--dark, and very, _very_ pretty. She was only Miss somebody, but she
was dressed more richly than anybody there, and had the most beautiful
bracelets. I could not help feeling a little when I looked at my poor
wrists and my white muslin dress--I who was married, and she only a
young girl; when, just at that moment, she gave me a quick look, lifting
up her eyebrows, and smiling rather disdainfully at the great wit beside
her. Immediately we two were put in communication somehow. I suppose it
was mesmerism. Her eyes kept seeking mine all the time of dinner. The
odd thing about her was that her hair was quite short, hanging in little
curls upon her neck, like a child’s; and of all things in the world, for
such a child to wear, she was dressed in _violet velvet_, the most
beautiful shade in the world. I suppose Harry would have said she was a
little humbug too, and did it for effect; but, to be sure, it must have
been wealth and not poverty that did it in her case. When we went up to
the drawing-room after dinner, she very soon made her way to me. The
other ladies, most of them belonging to the regiment, had come round me,
and were doing their best to discover why I had been kept in the dark so
long, and whether anything could be found out about me. I stood at bay
pretty well, I think; but when Miss Cresswell came in, somehow all at
once, like a fresh little breeze, in her soft velvet dress, to the sofa
beside me, I really felt I could have laid down my head on her shoulder
and cried. To be sure it was very foolish; one can smile and keep up
when one is being baited, and when one finds a real friend after being
aggravated out of one’s life, it is only natural to feel disposed to
cry. I say a real friend, though I never saw her before,--it was
mesmerism, I suppose; we took to each other at once.
We had got quite intimate before the gentlemen came upstairs. I had told
her where we lived, and she promised to come and see me, and we had
found out a great many opinions we had in common. Things were different,
however, when the gentlemen appeared. All the young men hovered about
Miss Cresswell. There were few young ladies, and she was certainly much
the prettiest; and, I am very grieved to have to say it--I cannot deny
that she _did_ flirt a little. She was disdainful, and would take no
notice of anybody at first, but by degrees she did come to little bursts
of flirtation; and I am afraid she liked it too. Then there began to be
things said about her and me which displeased me. We were “Art and
Nature,” somebody said; and some of the gentlemen evidently entertained
the same feeling that Harry indicated, when he said they would suppose
me a little humbug. Evidently we were both thought little humbugs,
sitting by each other to set each other off. Some of them, I do believe,
thought it had all been made up beforehand. Certainly we were a strange
contrast; I, in my plain white dress, with no ornaments; she in velvet,
with such a quantity of jewellery. But to have people looking at me, and
contrasting me with Miss Cresswell, and making jokes upon my dress and
hers, was what I did not choose to put up with. People accustomed to
society may like it, but I did not. So I got up and took Harry’s arm,
and went to look at a picture. Nobody spoke to us for some five minutes
or so, but we were close to some ladies talking with all their might.
Then some one touched my arm, and I saw Miss Cresswell had followed me,
and brought an old gentleman with her. This was her father. I got behind
one of the talking ladies to veil my “simplicity,” that there might be
no more nonsense about it. The ladies were talking of women working.
Oh, so little they knew or pretended to know about it; I wonder what
they would have thought if they could have seen my laundry operations;
or, indeed, I wonder, under all their fine talk, whether they had not,
of mornings, some work to do themselves. However, I only tell this from
the glimpse it gave me of my new friend.
“It is all very well to speak of hardships,” cried Miss Cresswell. “_I_
can’t see any hardship in doing one’s work. Ah! don’t you think they are
very happy who _have_ something to do?--something they must do whether
they like it or not. I hate always doing things if I like! it is the
most odious, tiresome stuff! If I like! and if I like it pray, what is
the good of it? It is not work any longer, it is only pleasure.”
“My dear child,” said one of the old ladies, “be thankful you have so
much ease and leisure. Your business just now is to please your papa.”
Here the old gentleman burst in with a long slow laugh, “To worry him,
you mean,” said Mr. Cresswell; “tell her of her duty, Mrs. Scrivin. Ah,
my dear lady, she’s contrairy!” he cried, shaking his head with a
certain air of complacence and ruefulness. Miss Cresswell gave him such
a flashing, wicked look out of her dark eyes, and then seized my hand to
lead me away somewhere. She was not a dutiful good girl, it appeared;
she did not look like it. Now she was roused up, first by flirting, and
then by rebellion and opposition, you could see it in her eyes. I am
sorry, I am ashamed to confess it--but I do believe I liked her the
better for being so wicked. It is very dreadful to say such a thing, but
I am afraid it was true.
CHAPTER IV.
Our fat Italian friend below stairs began to give us great amusement
just then. Wherever he went he carried under his arm that square volume
as fat as himself, in which Lizzie was at present pursuing her occult
and bewildered studies. To see Domenico (for that was his name), coming
to a sudden halt straight before you, blocking out all the light from
that tiny passage which Mrs. Goldsworthy called her “hall,” and
announcing, with a flourish of his dictionary, that he had something to
communicate, was irresistibly comic certainly; but it was a little
embarrassing as well. Domenico’s verbs were innocent of either past,
present, or future. I presume he was quite above any considerations of
grammar, except that supplied to him by nature, in his own language, and
was not aware that such a master of the ceremonies existed to introduce
him to the new tongue, which the poor fellow found so crabbed and
unmanageable. I have heard of people managing to get on in foreign
countries with a language composed of nouns and the infinitive of verbs
(I honestly confess, that when I heard this story first, I had very
vague ideas of what the infinitive of a verb was); a primitive savage
language containing the possibilities of existence; eating, drinking,
and sleeping; but quite above the conventional uses of conversation.
Domenico’s ambition was far higher, but his information was absolutely
confined to those same infinitives. He knew the word only as it stood in
the dictionary--what were tenses and numbers to him? But you will
perceive that a conversation conducted on these principles was
necessarily wanting in precision, and that the conversing persons did
not always understand each other with the clearness that might have been
desired.
One clear spring morning, a few days after the party, I was going out
about household affairs, when Domenico stopped me on the way to the
door. He had his coat off, and the immense expanse of man in
shirt-sleeves, which presented itself before me, cannot be expressed by
description. As usual, he was smiling all over his face; as usual, his
red lips and white teeth opened out of his beard with a primitive
fulness and genial good-humour; as usual, he seized his beard with one
hand as he addressed me, opening out his big dictionary on the table
with the other. “Signora,” cried Domenico, “the master my--me, of me,”
first pointing at himself, and then, to make assurance sure, boxing his
chest emphatically, “the my master,--Signora understand?--come back.”
“What?” cried I, “he has come back, has he, Domenico?”
Domenico nodded a hundred times with the fullest glee and rapture.
“I--me--Domenico,” he cried, again boxing himself, that there might be
no doubt of his identity, “make prepare.”
From which I divined that the master was not yet returned; and, nodding
half as often as Domenico, by way of signifying my entire content and
sympathy, foolishly concluded that I was let off and might pass.
However, Domenico was not yet done with me.
“The Signora give little of the advice,” said Domenico, with unusual
clearness, opening the door of his parlour, and inviting me by many
gestures to enter. I looked in, much puzzled, and found the room in all
the agonies of change. The carpet had been lifted, and the floor
polished, which, perhaps, explained the sounds we had heard for some
days. I cannot describe how the mean planks of poor Mrs. Goldsworthy’s
little parlour, many of them gaping apart, looked under the painstaking
labours of Domenico. He had contrived to rub them into due slipperiness
and a degree of shine; but the result was profoundly dismal, and
anything but corresponding to the face of complacency with which
Domenico regarded his handiwork. The fat fellow watched my eyes, and was
delighted at first to see my astonishment; but, perceiving immediately,
with all the quick observation which our straitened possibilities of
speech made necessary, that my admiration was by no means equal to
surprise, his countenance fell. “He not pleases to the Signora,” said
Domenico. Then he hastened to the corner where the rejected carpet lay
in a roll, and spread a corner of it over the floor. I nodded my head
again and applauded. Domenico’s disappointment was great.
“But for the sommere?” said Domenico with a melancholy interrogation.
“It is never so warm in England,--cold, cold,” I said, with great
emphasis and distinctness. Domenico heard and brightened up.
“Ah, thank! ah, thank! not me remember. England! ah! Inghilterra! no
Italia! ah, thank! the Signora make good.”
The Signora was permitted to consider herself dismissed, I concluded by
the bows that followed, and I hastened to the door, outstripping, as I
thought, the anxious politeness of the fat Italian. But I wronged his
devotion: with that light step, which was so ludicrously out of
proportion to his enormous figure, he swung out of the room to open the
door for me, and accomplished it in spite of my precipitation, taking in
his vast dimensions somehow so as to pass me without collision. I went
about my business with all the greater lightness after this comical
encounter, and a little curiosity, I confess, in respect to the master
who was coming home. Harry had heard of him already, as having quite a
romantic story attached to him. He had come to Chester to see some lady
whom he was quite confident of finding, and had been hunting all the
neighbouring country for her without meeting anybody who knew even her
name. It was supposed he had gone to make inquiries somewhere else, and
now he was coming home. I got quite interested about it. I pictured him
out to myself quite a romantic Italian, of course, with long hair, and a
picturesque cloak, and possibly a guitar. I made up a story in my own
mind, like that story of the Eastern girl and A’Becket--that prettiest
story! I could fancy Domenico’s master, not knowing much more English,
perhaps, than Domenico, wandering about everywhere with _the name_ on
his lips; for, of course, it must be a love-story. It is impossible to
imagine it could be anything else.
In the evening, when Harry and I were going out for a little walk,
Domenico suddenly presented himself again, and stopped us. This time he
was beaming broader than ever with smiles and innocent complacent
self-content. He invited us into the parlour with a multitude of bows.
Harry, who had heard the morning’s adventure, went immediately, and I
followed him. The room was all in the most perfect tidiness; Mrs.
Goldsworthy’s hideous ornaments were put in corners, ornaments of any
kind being apparently better than none in Domenico’s eyes. But the
mantel-piece, where the little flower-glasses had heretofore held sole
sway, was now occupied by some plaster figures bought from some
wandering image-merchant, whom Domenico had loudly fraternised and
chattered with at the door some days before. In the middle was a bust of
Dante, upon which the Italian had placed a wreath of green leaves. The
walls were covered with cheap-coloured prints in frames--I suspect of
Domenico’s own manufacture; such prints as people fasten up, all
frameless in their simplicity, upon walls of nurseries: gay, bright,
cheap, highly-coloured articles, which quite satisfied the taste of
Domenico, himself a child in everything but size and years. It was
nothing to his simple mind that they had no money value, and I suppose
no value in art either. I don’t suppose Domenico knew anything about
art, though he was an Italian. But he knew about decoration! He had made
the walls blush and smile to welcome the new-comer. I trust his master
was no artist either, and could appreciate the adornments which made the
face of Domenico beam. The good fellow was so pleased that he forgot his
dictionary; he burst forth into long explanations, interspersed by
bursts of laughter and gestures of delight, in his own tongue. He threw
open the door of the little room behind to reveal to us the arrangements
of his master’s bedchamber. He explained to Harry--at least I have no
doubt, by the way he pointed to the carpet, and the frequency of the
word Signora, that this was what he meant--all about the carpet and his
polished floor. At last it suddenly flashed upon Domenico that he was
spending his eloquence in vain. He rushed to the table where his beloved
dictionary reposed; he dashed at its pages in frantic haste, with wild
pantomimic entreaties to us to wait. “Is good? good?” said Domenico,
with an eager expressiveness which made up for his defective verbs. I
applauded with all the might of gestures and smiles; upon which our
friend once more opened the door for us. “To-morrow! after to-morrow!”
said the good fellow. It was then his master was coming home.
And, I am sorry to say, Harry was rather disposed to laugh at the fat
Italian, and to be sarcastic upon his beautiful prints. Harry did not
know anything in the world about pictures; but he knew how cheap these
were, and that was enough for him, the prose Englishman. I am thankful
to say that I soon reduced him to silence. He declared I was savage in
good Domenico’s defence.
CHAPTER V.
“Mem, he’s been at the market,” said Lizzie, next morning, “and bought a
hen; and he smiles and laughs to himself like to bring down the house.”
This was the first bulletin of the important day on which the Italian
gentleman was expected home.
The next report was more painful to Lizzie’s feelings. “He’s been at the
chapel,” said Lizzie, in a horrified whisper, “and brought hame water to
put in the wee bowlie at the maister’s bedhead. Oh, did you see it? it
has a cross, and--and--a figure on’t,” said Lizzie, with a deep awe,
“and a wee round bowlie for the water. What’ll yon be for? I’m no sure
it’s safe to be in the same house.”
Lizzie’s horror, however, did not diminish her curiosity. After a little
interval another scrap of information reached my attentive ear. “He has
some veal on the kitchen-table,” said Lizzie, “and if he’s no’ working
at it himsel’! A man! cutting away and paring away, and putting the pan
a’ ready like a woman--and, eh, mem, the wastry’s dreadful. He’s making
holes in’t and stuffin’ them fu’ o’ something. Noo he’s puttin’t on the
fire.”
That day baby was neglected for the first time. Lizzie was too much
excited and interested--not to say that she had an observant eye and
believed it quite possible that she might receive a hint from this man
of all work--to repress her natural curiosity. The next thing she
reported was a half-alarmed statement that “he was away out again and
left it at the fire; and what if it was _sitting to_[A] before he came
hame?” Lizzie’s dread of this accident carried her off downstairs to
watch Domenico’s stew with friendly anxiety. In about an hour she
re-appeared again.
[A] A Scotch expression which signifies burned in the pan.
“He’s come back; and, eh! o’ a’ the things in the world to think upon,
it’s a box of thae nasty things he smokes!” cried Lizzie. “If the
gentlemen smokes tae, we’ll a’ be driven out of the house.”
Just then, however, another incident occurred which interrupted Lizzie’s
observations. As she went out of the room, in silent despair, after her
last alarming presentiment, somebody evidently encountered her coming
up. “I want Mrs. Langham, please,” cried Miss Cresswell’s voice. “Are
you her maid? Oh, I’m not to be shown into the drawing-room. I am to go
to _her_. Where is she?--in the nursery? Show me where to go, please.”
“But you _maun_ go to the drawing-room,” said Lizzie, making, as I felt
sure from the little quiver in her voice, her bob to the young lady, and
audibly opening the sacred door of our state apartment.
“Maun? do you mean must? I never do anything I must,” said Miss
Cresswell. “There now! make haste; show me where Mrs. Langham is.”
“The drawing-room is the place for leddies that come visiting,” said
Lizzie, resolutely. “I’ll no let ye in ony other place.”
“You’ll not let me in!--what do you mean, you impertinent child?” cried
Miss Cresswell.
“I’m no a child,” cried Lizzie. “I ken my duty; and if I was to loose my
good place what good would that do onybody? If ye please, ye’ll come in
here.”
The pause of astonishment that followed was evident by the silence; then
a little quick impatient step actually passed into that poor little
drawing-room. “You strange little soul! but I’ll tell Mrs. Langham,”
cried Miss Cresswell.
“I’m no a soul,” said Lizzie; “I’m just like other folk. I’m Mrs.
Langham’s lass; and she kens me different from a stranger. What name
will I say, if ye please?”
This question was answered by a burst of laughter from the visitor,
which I increased by throwing open the door of my concealment and
disclosing myself with baby in my arms. _He had on his best frock by
accident_, which explains my rashness.
“How have you managed it?” cried Miss Cresswell; “why, here is a
romance-servant. Dear Mrs. Langham, tell me what you have done to make
her so original--and let me have baby. I have not come to make a call,
as that creature supposed. I have come as a friend--you said I might.
Why must I be brought into this room?”
“It is the most cheerful room,” said I, evading the question: “however,
Lizzie did not mean to be saucy--she knew no better--but she is the most
famous help in the world, though she is little more than a child.”
“But then I suppose you must do a great many things yourself?” said my
visitor, looking me very close in the face.
I felt my cheeks grow hot in spite of myself--if Harry had heard her he
would have been furious; and I daresay many people would have set this
down at once as the impertinence of the rich to the poor. I felt it was
no such thing; but still it embarrassed me a little, against my will.
“Do you know some people would be affronted to be asked as much?” said
I.
“I know,” cried Miss Cresswell, with a little toss of her head,--“people
who can’t understand how miserable it is not to _have_ to do anything.
Do you believe in voluntary work? I don’t. I can’t see it’s any good. I
can’t see the use of it. I should like to cook the dinner and keep the
things tidy. I should like to see everything stand gaping and calling
for me till I set it to rights. That’s the pleasure; but as for saving
somebody else trouble, why should I do it? I can’t see any advantage
whatever in that.”
“Then you would not have me save Lizzie or the landlady some trouble
when I can?” said I.
“That is totally a different thing,” said the impetuous little girl;
then she started, in a manner to me inexplicable, and gazed out of the
window near which she was sitting. “Mr. Luigi!” she exclaimed to
herself; “now I should so like to know what he wants here.”
Just then there was the noise of an arrival at the door; of course it
must be the Italian gentleman. “Who is he?” said I. “If it is the
Italian, he lives here.”
Without making any immediate reply, Miss Cresswell clasped her hands
softly together. “How strange!” she exclaimed. Of course it was her own
thoughts she was following out, but they seemed sufficiently interesting
to rouse my attention. I occupied myself in the meantime with baby,
feeling that it would be the merest cruelty to call upon Lizzie at this
climax of the day’s excitement. And Miss Cresswell leant forward,
carefully drawing out the curtain of the window to shade her, and
watching the return of Domenico’s master. Her colour was a little higher
than it had been previously, and she seemed to have quite quietly and
comfortably forgotten my presence, I was amused; and, if I must confess
it, I was in a condition to be easily affronted as well. At last she
recovered herself, and blushed violently.
“I don’t know what you will think of me,” she cried; “but it _is_ so
strange--my godmamma had the last news of his going, and I have the
first intelligence of his return. Do you know, there is quite a story
about him. He has come here to seek out a lady whom nobody ever heard
of; but I do believe, whatever any one may choose to say, that godmamma
Sarah knows.”
“Knows? Will she not tell, then?” said I.
“Look here,” said Miss Cresswell; “she was once a great beauty; and I
believe, if you never will tell anybody, that she’s a cruel, wicked old
woman. There! I did not mean to say half so much. She got so agitated
whenever she heard what Mr. Luigi wanted that nobody could help finding
her out; but, though I am certain she knows, she will do everything in
the world rather than tell.”
“But why?”
“Oh, I cannot tell you why. I know nothing at all about it; and
remember,” cried my imprudent visitor, “that I tell you all this in the
greatest secret! I would not tell papa nor any one. I said it to my own
godmamma just as it came into my head, and put her into such distress,
the dear old soul! My own idea is, that godmamma Sarah does it only for
spite; but her sister, you know, has a different opinion, and is
frightened, and does not know what she is frightened about. I daresay
you will think me very strange to say so,” said Miss Cresswell, again
blushing very much, “but I should like to meet Mr. Luigi. I am sure he
is somehow connected with my godmothers: I cannot make out how, I am
sure; but I am quite certain, however unlikely it may be, that godmamma
Sarah knows!”
She seemed quite excited and in earnest about it; so, as all her
thoughts were turned that way, I told her our amusing intercourse with
Domenico, and what good friends we were. Though she laughed and clapped
her hands, she was too much engrossed with her own thoughts evidently to
be much amused. She was most anxious to know whether I had heard
anything of Mr. Luigi; whether the landlady talked of him; whether I
knew how he came to Chester. She told me the story I had heard dimly
from Harry in the most clear and distinct manner. On the whole, she
filled me with suspicions. If I had not seen her flirting so lately, I
should certainly have fancied her in love.
“You know him, then?” said I, after hearing her very steadily to an end.
“Not in the least,” she cried, once more blushing in the most violent,
undisguisable way. “How should I know him? Don’t you know I have no
brothers or sisters, Mrs. Langham? and can’t you suppose that papa has
exactly the same people to dinner year after year? Ah, you are quite
different! You have your own place, and can choose your own
society--choose me, please, there’s a darling! My name’s Sara; quite a
waiting-maid’s name; let me have baby and come and help you. As for
saying he would not come to me, it is nonsense. I will tell you exactly
how many friends I have,--Godmamma, who is more than a friend, of
course, but no relation; my old nurse, whom I _never_ see, and who lives
a hundred miles off; and old Miss Fielding, at the rectory. Now only
think how much I am alone! You are quite new here; you can choose for
yourself--choose me!”
“With all my heart!” said I. I was so much surprised by her ignorance
and her free speech, that, though I liked her very much, I really did
not know what more to say.
“I suppose, then, I may take off my bonnet?” she said, quite innocently
looking up in my face.
If she had rushed to kiss me I could have understood it. If she had
declared we were to be friends for ever, I should have quite gone in
with her; but, to take off her bonnet! that was quite a different
matter. I am sadly afraid I stammered and stared. I wanted a friend as
much as she did--but men are such strange creatures. What would Harry
say when he came in?
However, Sara Cresswell did not wait till I finished considering. In
five minutes after she was sitting on the carpet at the window with
little Harry, playing with him. The child was quite delighted. As for
me, I was too much taken by surprise to know whether I was pleased or
not. Harry was to dine at mess that night; and, of course, I had only
meant to have tea all by myself in the little back room. What was to be
done? I am sorry to say I was very much tempted to improvise a dinner,
and pretend that it was just what I always did. I think the thing that
saved me from this was looking at her with her little short curls; she
looked so like a child! Besides, if we were really to be friends, was I
to begin by deceiving her? Much better she should know at once all our
simple ways.
“You will have no dinner,” said I, faltering a little. “Mr. Langham goes
out, and I only take tea.”
“That is exactly what I like. Dinners are _such_ bores!” said Sara, with
the air of one who belonged to us and had taken possession.
It was getting quite dark, and the lamps were being lighted outside; of
course it delighted baby very much to be held up to see them, as his new
nurse held him. As she stood there lifting him up, I put my hand upon
her pretty hair. She had quite taken my heart.
“Have you had a fever, dear?” said I.
Sara stared at me a moment, then looked deeply affronted, then burst
into a strange laugh. “I forgive you, because you called me dear,” she
cried, starting off with baby to the other window. I suppose, then, it
had not been a fever--some foolish fancy or other,--and no doubt her
friends and acquaintance had pretty well avenged it, without any further
question from me.
CHAPTER VI.
Next morning I was a little amused and a little surprised to think over
all that had happened. The idea of having a friend, who stayed with me
till after nine, and helped to put baby to bed, and interfered with
Lizzie, and turned over all our few books, and asked all sorts of
questions, was the oddest thing in the world to me; and of course when I
told Harry I heard all sorts of jokes from him about female friendship,
and inquiries how long it would last, which made me extremely angry. Are
men’s friendships any steadier, I wonder? I should say _male_
friendship, to be even with him. Mr. Thackeray is delightful; but he
puts a great deal of stuff into young men’s heads. I allow _he_ may joke
if he likes--to be sure, he does not mean half of it--but do you suppose
_they_ may all follow his example? Not that I mean to infer anything on
Harry’s part that I could not pay him back quite comfortably. But not
meaning Harry in the least, I don’t see why I should not do my little
bit of criticism. I was just beginning to read books at that time, and
everything was fresh to me. All the foolish lads think they are quite as
wise as Mr. Thackeray, and have quite as good a right to think
themselves behind the scenes. I suppose there never was anybody who did
not like to feel superior and wiser than his neighbours. I would put
Domenico’s laurel wreath on Mr. Thackeray’s head; but I should like to
put an extinguisher on the heads of the Thackerians. I should think the
great man would be disposed to knock down half the people that quote
him, could he only hear, and behold, and note.
However, that has nothing to do with my story. I knew Lizzie must be in
a highly excited state from long repression of her manifold gleanings of
intelligence respecting last night’s arrival; and I went to her as soon
as Harry was out lest any explosion should happen. Lizzie, however,
looked rather downcast as, baby being asleep, she went about her work
upstairs. My first idea was that some jealousy of Miss Cresswell had
invaded the girl’s mind, but that did not explain all the peculiarities
of her manner. She certainly allowed herself to be drawn into an
account of Domenico’s proceedings, which gradually inspired and animated
her; but even in the midst of this she would make a hurried pause, now
and then, and listen, as if some painful sound had reached her ear.
“It was a very grand dinner. Eh, I never saw onything like the way he
steered, and twisted, and mixed, and watched,” said Lizzie; “he maun be
a real man-cook, like what’s in books; and took up everything separate,
six different things one after the ither; and Sally says there was as
mony plates as if it had been a great party; and the minute before and
the minute after, what was the gentleman doing but smoking like as if he
was on fire; and eh, mem, he maun be a great man yon! Domenico kissed
his hand; but after that,” continued Lizzie, blushing and turning aside
with a strong sense of impropriety, “the gentleman kissed _him_!”
“That is how foreigners do,” said I, in apology.
“And after the dinner there was that sound o’ tongues through the house,
you would have thought the walls would ha’e been down. Eh, sic language
for Christians to speak! but, mem, they’re no Christians, they’re
Papishers--is that true?” said Lizzie, with a little anxiety. “Such a
blatter o’ words, and no one a body could understand. No’ that I was
wantin’ to understand; but it’s awfu’ funny to hear folk speakin’, and
nae sense in’t. Eh, whisht! what was that?” cried Lizzie, starting and
stopping short in her tale.
It certainly was, or sounded, very like a moan of pain.
“What is it, Lizzie?”
“Eh, to think of us speaking of dinners, and sic nonsense!--and, mem,
it’s a poor man like to dee with pride, and sickness, and starvation!
What will I do? What will I do?” cried Lizzie. “If naebody else in the
house durst, it maun be me. I’ll no keep quiet ony langer--he canna be
ill at me that was destitute mysel’. I’ll gang and steal the bairn’s
beef-tea, and tell him lies, that it’s his ain. Mem, let me gang. I
canna bear’t ony mair!”
I stopped her, however, growing very much excited myself. “What is it?
What do you mean?”
Lizzie, who was choking with distress, eagerness, and excitement,
pointed her finger up, and struggled to find her voice. It burst upon me
in a moment. The poor gentleman in the attic, the threadbare wistful man
who went out to dine, had not been visible for some days. Lizzie told me
in gasps what the landlady had told her. He was ill; he was very poor;
deeply in Mrs. Goldsworthy’s debt. They had noticed that his usual work
had not been on his table for some time, and that no domestic stores of
any kind were in his little cupboard; three days ago he had become too
ill to go out, they did not think he had anything to eat, and he would
accept nothing from them. All yesterday they had not ventured to enter
his room. Sick, starving, friendless--what a picture it was! No wonder
he had hungry, wistful eyes. I lost no time as you may suppose. I sent
Lizzie flying downstairs for the beef-tea. As for asking whether he
would admit me or not, whether he would think it impertinent or not, I
never stopped to think. Another of those moans, more audible this time
because I was listening for it, thrilled me through and through before
Lizzie came back. Bless the girl! in no time at all she had got the
whitest napkin to be had in the house for the tray; and the beef-tea
smoked and smelt just as it ought. I was at the door of the room before
I thought anything about how I was to excuse myself. By mere instinct I
opened the door first; then knocked, merely to warn the inmate of my
coming, and in another moment stood all by myself in a new world.
Another world! a world of misery, endurance, voiceless passion, and
persistence, altogether unknown to me. He was lying on some chairs
before the fireplace, supporting his gaunt shoulders against the end of
his bed,--before the fireplace, in which there was no fire, nor had
been. It was trim and well-blacked, and filled up with faded ornamental
chippings of paper. His table was beside him, and he leaned one arm on
it; nothing on the table, not even a book, except some old pens,
blotting-paper, and an ink-bottle. His coat buttoned close up to his
neck, with dreadful suggestive secrecy, plainly telling how little there
was below; and the hungry sad eyes, glaring wolfish and frenzied out of
his worn face. He gave a great start when I came in, and either in
passion or weakness thrust one of the chairs from under his feet, so
that it fell with a great noise on the floor. The sound and the movement
made my heart beat. But he took no further notice, only stared at me. I
went forward and put the tray before him on the table, uncovered the
basin, placed everything within his reach. All the while he stared at
me, his eyes contracting and dilating as I never saw the eyes of any
human creature before. I scarcely think he was a human creature at that
moment; at least he was holding to his manhood only by that frantic hold
of pride, which hunger and misery were rending before my very eyes. He
began to tremble dreadfully; the sight of the food excited his weakness;
but he tried to resist till the last gasp.
“Who are you? and how dare you come to my room and intrude upon me!” he
said hoarsely, and trembling like a palsied man.
“I am your fellow-lodger. You used to notice my baby when you went
downstairs; and they told me you were ill, and could not go out. When
one is ill there is nothing so good as beef-tea,” said I, trembling a
good deal myself; “even if you cannot eat, you might drink a little, and
it would refresh you. Do pray try, it will do you good.”
“And how do you know?” he said trembling more and more, till his very
utterance was indistinct, “that I cannot have beef-tea or--or anything
else I like, of my own. Ah!” he ended, with a sharp cry. He put forward
his hand towards it; then he stopped in a dreadful spasm of resistance,
and glared at me. I obeyed my first impulse, and went out of the room
hurriedly. He would not take it while I was there.
In about five minutes after I went back again with some coals and wood,
in one of Mrs. Goldsworthy’s old coal scuttles. I thought I saw how to
manage him--never to ask permission or make apologies, but simply to do
what was needful. He had emptied the basin, I saw at a glance, and had a
piece of bread in his hand, which he put down when I came in. He said
nothing, but stared at me as I lighted the fire. When my back was turned
to him I fancied he made another stealthy application to the bread. He
would hide the full amount of his misery if it were possible; but it was
only a partial victory he could obtain over himself.
“Who, who are you?” he said at last. “You--you are a lady, eh? It is not
your business to make up fires?”
“Yes,” said I, as cheerfully as I could; “but we are poor; and when one
has not much money one has many things to do.”
At this the poor gentleman gave a great groan. Then, after a little,
gasped, in broken words, “Thank God! creatures like you don’t know the
truths they say.”
I understood him at once. “No,” said I, “it is quite true; but God knows
all about it, that is a comfort always. Don’t you think if I put the
pillows behind you, you would be more comfortable? Try this. I am quite
sure it is better so.”
“Ah! but how do you know I can’t have pillows as I please, and whatever
I want of my own?” cried the jealous, delirious pride, waking up again
in his big hollow eyes.
“I don’t know anything about it,” said I; “but you have nobody with you
just now. If you will not send for any friends, you can’t help having
neighbours all the same.”
He said, “Ah!” again, and relapsed into his silent stare. But for the
frenzy of desperate want and desperate pride, which only flickered up by
moments, he was too far benumbed with want and suffering to do anything
in the way of resistance. After I had settled him a little comfortable I
went downstairs again, and as soon as baby’s second bowl of beef-tea,
which had been hastily made to take the place of the first, was ready, I
stole that also, and went up with it again. Baby, who was as fat as
possible, could quite well do without it; and I remember having read
that people, who had been in great want, should get food very often but
not much at a time. The poor gentleman was lying with his head on the
pillow and his eyes half shut, the light of the fire glimmering over
him, and a kind of quiet in his attitude. When he opened his eyes they
grew wolfish again for a moment; but he was subdued--the first frenzy
was gone. Somehow he did not seem alone any longer, with that dear good
charitable fire blazing and crackling, and making all the noise it
could, as if to show what company it could be. And this time he actually
drew the basin towards him, and ate its contents before me. I went to
the little window and cried a little privately. Oh, it was pitiful!
pitiful! That morning I am sure he had laid himself down upon these
chairs, mad with want, bitterness, and solitude, to die.
CHAPTER VII.
“You, who would not go out to dinner because you could not afford it!”
cried Harry, “how do you dare venture on such rash proceedings? It
appears to me you have adopted a new member into the family.”
“Ah, but it is different,” said I; “going out to dinner was a matter of
choice, this was a matter of necessity.”
“It depends upon how people think,” said Harry, “the priest and the
Levite were of quite a different opinion; but if you mean to have
friends and pensioners, and get rich people and poor people about you,
Milly darling, we’ll have to think of new supplies. I cannot imagine how
it has gone out of my mind all this time. Pendleton actually asked me
to-day whether I had heard anything more about your grandfather’s
house.”
“My grandfather’s house!” I said; and we both looked at each other and
laughed; our removal had put all that out of our heads. Chester, and new
places to look at, and new people to see, and just the usual disturbance
of one’s thoughts in changing about, had betrayed Harry who was so
anxious about it, just as much as it had betrayed me.
“I must see after it now in earnest. A thousand pounds or so, you know,”
said Harry, with a kind of serio-comic look, “would be worth a great
deal to you just now.”
And with this he went out. A thousand pounds or so! twenty would have
been nice; aye, or ten, or even five, more than just our regular money.
However, I only laughed to myself, and went upstairs to my poor
gentleman. After all, I am not so sure that he was a gentleman, or at
least anything unusual in himself. He was very independent, and want,
and a passionate dread of being found out, and made a pauper of, had
carried him to a kind of heroism for the moment. But when he got used to
me, and consented to let me bring him things, he became very much like
other people. He was always eager to get the newspaper and see the news.
I carried him up the Chester paper, which Mrs. Goldsworthy took in just
now.
When I went into his room, the first thing I saw was two letters on the
table. He was just drawing back, and still trembling from his exertion,
for he was still very weak. He put the letters towards me with a little
movement of his hand.
“I am writing to ask for work; I’m wonderfully steady now, wonderfully
steady; if they would only give me work! Ah, it’s hard times when a man
can’t get work,” he said.
I glanced at them as he wished me. “Cresswell?” said I; “I think I know
his daughter, Mr. Ward. I’ll speak to her; perhaps she can make him help
you.”
“She can make him do whatever she likes,” said my friend, with his
wistful eyes; “it’ll be well for him if she don’t make him do what he’ll
repent.”
“How do you mean?” said I, with some surprise.
“Well!” said my patient, “it’s a story I don’t understand, and I can’t
give you the rights of it. I was never more than just about the office
an hour or so in the day, getting my copy. You see there’s two rich old
ladies about half-a-dozen miles out o’ Chester, and there’s either some
flaw in their title, or something that way. I know for certain there was
an advertisement written out for the Times, for one Mortimer----”
“Mortimer!”
“Yes,” he said, looking at me in his eager way. “I suppose it had been
some day when he had quarrelled with them, and meant to bring in the
true owner; when all of a sudden it was withdrawn, and has never been in
the Times to this day; and Miss Cresswell after that spent a long time
at the Park. Somebody said in the office it was more than likely the
ladies would leave their property to her; and to be sure if that was so,
it would be none of her father’s business to hunt up the right heir.”
I felt completely dizzy and bewildered; I kept looking down upon the
table, where the letters seemed to be flitting about with the strangest
unsteady motion.
“And are the ladies called Mortimer?” I said, almost under my breath.
“Yes; they’re folks well known in Chester, though seldom to be seen
here,” said Mr. Ward; “the youngest one, Miss Milly, is a good creature;
the other one, and her name is Sarah, was a great beauty in her day. I
remember when I was a lad, we young fellows would walk all that way just
to see her riding out of the gates, or driving her grey ponies; they
called her the beautiful Miss Mortimer in those days. I daresay now
she’s as old, and as crazy, and as chilly--but thank heaven, she can
never be as poor, and as friendless, and as suffering--as me.”
I could not make any answer for a long time. I stood with my hands
clasped together, and my brain in a perfect whirl; these words, Sarah,
Miss Mortimer, the Park, going in gusts through my mind. What did it
mean? I had come upstairs with a smile on my lips about the fabulous
house of my grandfather. Was this the real story now about to disclose
itself? I felt for a moment that overwhelming impatience to hear more
which makes one giddy when on the verge of a discovery; but I did not
want to betray myself to the old man.
“And do you mean,” said I, holding fast by the table to keep myself from
trembling, “that they are not the lawful owners of their estate?”
“Nay, I cannot tell you that,” said my patient, very coolly; “but what
could be wanted with an advertisement in the Times for one Mortimer? and
old Cresswell holding it back, you know, as soon as it was likely that
his girl might get the Park.”
“Do you remember what was the Mortimer’s name that was to be advertised
for? I know some Mortimers,” said I, with a little tremble in my voice.
“I can’t say I exactly remember just at this moment,” said the old man,
after a little pause. “It wasn’t like a Mortimer name; it was--nay,
stay,--it was one of the cotton-spinners’ names; I remember I thought of
the spinning-jenny directly; something in that way; I can’t tell exactly
what it was.”
I could scarcely stand. I could scarcely keep silent; and yet I durst
not, for something that choked the voice in my throat, suggest my
father’s name boldly to his recollection. I hurried away and threw
myself on a chair in my own room. All was silent there; but with just a
door between us Lizzie was playing with my boy; and his crows of infant
delight, and her soft but homely voice, seemed to break in upon the
solitude I wanted. I rose from that retreat, and went down to our little
drawing room. There it was Domenico’s voice, round and full, singing,
whistling, talking, all in a breath. Nowhere could I get quiet enough to
think over the extraordinary information I had just received. Or,
rather, indeed it was not either Lizzie’s voice, or Domenico’s, but the
agitation and tumult in my own mind; the beating of my heart, and the
stir and restlessness that rose in me, that prevented me from thinking.
Could it be possible that my father’s languid prophecy, which Aunt
Connor reported so lightly, had truth in it after all? The idea excited
me beyond the power of thinking. I went out and came in. I took up
various kinds of work and threw them down again; I could do nothing till
Harry came in, and I had told him. Then I fancied there might possibly
seem some sense and coherence in the news. If this were to come true,
then what prospects might be dawning upon us! In this sudden
illumination my past dread returned to me, as a fear which has been
forgotten for a time always does. The war! if Harry’s wife turned out a
great heiress, must not Harry himself cease to be a soldier and enter
into his fortune? Ah me! but he would not; he would not if I should ask
him on my knees; not, at least, till he had taken his chance of getting
killed like all the rest.
This threw me back, with scarcely a moment’s interval, into the full
tide of those thoughts which had tortured me before we came to Chester.
I got up from my chair and began to walk about the room in the
restlessness of great sudden apprehension and terror. All my trouble
came back. My fears had but been asleep, the real circumstances were
unchanged; even to-day, this very day, Harry might be ordered to the
war.
He saw my nervous, troubled look in a moment when he came in; he was
struck by it at once. “You look as you once looked in Edinburgh, Milly,”
he said, coming up to me; “what is the matter? Something has happened
while I have been away?”
“Harry,” cried I, with a little excitement, suddenly remembering that I
had news to tell him. “I have found the Park and the Sarah; I have found
the estate I am heiress to; I have found out something far more
important than that old red-brick house; and, do you know, hearing of
this brought everything to my mind directly, all my terrors and
troubles. Never mind, I’ll tell you what I heard in the first place. It
was from my poor gentleman upstairs.”
Harry, who had heard me with great interest up to this point, suddenly
shrugged up his shoulders, and put his lips together with that
disdainful provoking whew! with which men think they can always put one
down.
“Oh, indeed, you need not be scornful!” said I; “he writes papers for a
lawyer, and had a very good way of knowing. He says Mr. Cresswell had an
advertisement all ready to be put into the Times some months ago, for
one Mortimer, whose name reminded him of a spinning-jenny. But it never
was sent to the paper, because Miss Cresswell went out to the Park, and
it was thought the ladies would make her their heiress; but it was
supposed there was some flaw in their title, and that this Mortimer
would be the true heir.”
“The Park, and the ladies, and Miss Cresswell, and it was supposed? By
Jove, Milly!” cried Harry, with great vehemence, “do you see how
important this is?--have you no better grounds than it was thought, and,
it was supposed?”
“You are unreasonable, Harry; I only heard what he had to say; and,
besides, it might not be my father, nor the same people at all. _He_
could not tell me, I only heard what he had to say.”
But this explanation did not satisfy Harry; he became as excited as I
had been, but in a different way. He snatched up his hat, and would have
gone at once, on the impulse of the moment, to see Mr. Cresswell, had
not I detained him. The news had the same influence on Harry that it had
on me. It woke us both out of that happy quiescence into which we had
fallen when we came here. We were no longer dwelling at peace, safe in
each other’s society; once more we were thrown into all the agitation
that belonged to our condition and prospects.
Harry was a soldier, ready to be sent off any day to the camp and the
trenches, gravely anxious about a home and shelter for his wife and
child; I, a soldier’s wife, ready at any moment to have the light of my
eyes torn from me, and my life cut in twain. After the first hurried
burst of consultation, we were both silent, thinking on these things.
Certainly it was better that we should have been aroused. The reality
coming at once, all unapprehended and unthought of, would otherwise have
been an intolerable blow. Now there was little fear that we could forget
again.
It was natural that we should return to the subject again and again
during the day. Harry drew my father’s old books, and the drawing he had
laughed at, from his own desk, where he had kept them; and with them the
envelope, full of formal documents, which he had written to Aunt Connor
for with so much haste and importance, to substantiate my claim to my
grandfather’s house; there they lay, unused, almost unlooked at. Harry
shook his head as he drew them out. We neither of us said anything. We
were neither of us sorry that we had forgotten all about it for a time.
For my own part, I went away upstairs very like to cry. This
information, which had thrown us back into so many troubles, might never
come to anything; and even if it did, what difference would that make?
Harry, if I was found out to be a king’s daughter, would never leave his
profession, or shrink from its dangers, while this war lasted. My
pleasant forgetfulness was over now. He was looking at this subject in
the same light he had looked at it before we left Edinburgh;--it would
be a home for me.
CHAPTER VIII.
It was an agitated, troubled day. The accidental nature of the
information, calmly told to one who was supposed to have no interest in
it; the coincidence of the names; the startled feeling we had in thus
being suddenly brought into contact with people nearly connected with
us, who were unaware of our existence, and of whose existence we had
been unaware, acted very powerfully on our imaginations. I don’t think
either Harry or I had a moment’s doubt upon the subject. As to the
identity of the persons, certainly none; and I confess that I, for one,
received with perfect faith the suggestion that there was a wrong
somehow in the matter, and that my father had turned out to be the true
heir. It never occurred to me to imagine any other reason for the
suppressed advertisement; and Mr. Cresswell, whom I had thought at the
very climax of respectability, suddenly descended into a romantic
lawyer-villain in my excited eyes.
To add to the agitation of my thoughts, Sara Cresswell chose to take
that day for one of her odd visits. She came in the afternoon to stay
with me till evening. She was clearly quite beyond her father’s control;
not even subject to a wholesome restriction of hours and meal-times; for
she never said her father was out to dinner on the occasions of her
coming, nor accounted in any way for her liberty at his dinner-hour. The
little brougham used to come for her at night, and her little maid in
it--a sign, I suppose, that the father did not disapprove; but that was
all. Only wilful as she was, I confess I had grown to like her very
much. I sometimes lectured her; and once or twice we quarrelled; but she
always came back next time just the same as ever. So quarrelling with
her was evidently useless. I must say I had a very strange sensation in
welcoming her to-day. Could she know her father’s base purposes about
the Park which, according to all appearances, ought to be mine? Could
she have been paying her court to those ladies with the hope of
supplanting the true heir? A glance at her face, only too frank and
daring always, might have undeceived me; but of course, I was bucklered
up in my own thoughts, and could see nothing else.
“You are ill,” said Sara, “or you are worried; or ’tis I have done
something. If I have, I don’t mind; that is to say, I am very sorry, of
course, and I will never do it again. But if you think you will get rid
of me by looking glum, you are sadly mistaken. I shan’t go. If you won’t
have me for a friend, I shall come for a servant, and fight it out with
Lizzie. Lizzie, will you have me for ‘a neebor?’ Ah, I’m learning
Scotch.”
“Eh, that’s no Scotch!” cried Lizzie; “ye dinna ken what it is. I’m,
maybe, no that good at learning folk now, for I have to speak English
mysel’.”
“And Italian, Lizzie!” cried Sara, clapping her hands, and forgetting
all about my “glum” face.
Lizzie’s elbows and ankles fell almost immediately, and the most
extraordinary blush rose on the girl’s face. “Eh, but it’s funny to hear
_twa_ speaking’t,” cried Lizzie, evading the subject eagerly. The truth
is, she had got overmuch involved in the delightful excitement of the
new language, and in consequence of the ludicrous fascination of the
dictionary, by means of which Domenico and she conducted their
conversations, had come to like the society of that worthy. When I found
him escorting my child-maid and the baby out-of-doors, I thought it was
time to remonstrate on the subject; and my remonstrance had woke a
certain womanly consciousness in the awkward-sensitive girlish bosom of
Lizzie. She was overwhelmed with shame.
Fortunately, the mention of the “twa” diverted Sara’s thoughts. She had
never ceased to be interested in Mr. Luigi, and I saw a world of
questions in her eye immediately. I hurried her downstairs, not feeling
able, really, for random talk; and troubled, more than I could express,
to think how disappointed Harry would be when he came home full of one
subject, expecting to talk it over with me, and found me occupied
entertaining a stranger,--a stranger, too, who had something to do with
it, who was our rival, and plotting against us, all unaware of who we
were.
However, as it happened, one of the first things Sara’s eye lighted upon
when we entered the room, was that old drawing of poor papa’s, which lay
on the table. She was the quickest creature imaginable. She had it in
her hand before I knew what she was about. Her exclamation made me start
and tremble as if I had been found out in something. Here was another
witness giving evidence freely, without any wish or contrivance of mine.
“Why, here is the Park!” cried Sara, “actually the very house! Where, in
all the world, did you get it? Have you been there? Do you know them?
Why, I thought you were quite strangers to Chester! I never knew
anything so odd. Who did it? It is frightfully bad, to be sure, but a
staring likeness. Dear Mrs. Langham, where did you get this?”
“I got it out of an old book,” said I, with a guilty faltering which I
could not quite conceal. “What Park is it? where is it? I do not know
the place.”
But I am sure if ever anybody looked guilty and the possessor of an
uncomfortable secret, it was me at that moment. I turned away from Sara,
putting away that envelope with the certificates which Harry (how
careless!) had also left on the table. I am sure she must have felt
there was something odd in my voice.
“What Park? why, _the_ Park, to be sure. Everybody in Chester knows the
Park; and here is an inscription, I declare!” she cried, running with it
to the window. “Oh, look here; do look here! It must have been some old
lover of godmamma Sarah’s. I never saw anything so funny in my life.
‘Sarah as I saw her last.’ Oh, Mrs. Langham! do come and look at this
comical, delightful thing! Isn’t it famous? She’s as old--as old as any
one’s grandmother. Who could it be? who could it possibly be?”
“Did you say your godmother?” said I. This was another novel
aggravation. Of course I had heard Sara speak of her godmothers; but,
somehow, I had not identified them with the ladies who were expected to
make her their heir.
But Sara was too much excited and delighted, and full of glee and
ridicule, to answer me. She kept dancing about and clapping her hands
over the drawing; always returning to it, and indulging in criticisms as
free and as depreciatory as Harry’s had been. It was getting dark, and I
confess I was very glad to sit down a little in the half light, and
repose myself as well as I could while she was thus engaged and wanted
no attention from me. Just then, however, I heard Harry’s foot coming
upstairs, and, to my great wonder and almost alarm, somebody else
entered with Harry. I could scarcely see him as I rose to receive my
husband’s companion. Somebody else, however, saw him quicker than I
did. In a moment Sara had dropped into the shadow of the curtains, and
became perfectly silent. An inconceivable kind of sympathy with her (it
could be nothing but mesmerism) somehow cleared up the twilight in a
moment, and made me aware who the stranger was. It was Domenico’s
master, Mr. Luigi, the Italian gentleman downstairs.
I cannot tell how the first preliminaries were got over. Of all times in
the world to make acquaintance with anybody, think of the twilight, just
before the candles came in, and when you could scarcely make out even
the most familiar face! We got on somehow, however; we _three_--Sara
sitting all the time dropt down, and nestling like a bird among the
curtains, struck into the most unaccountable silence. I suppose she
thought nobody saw her; whereas, on the contrary, Mr. Luigi, looking out
of the darkness where he was sitting towards the window, saw the outline
of her pretty head against a bit of green-blue sky as distinct as
possible; and looked at it too, as I can testify.
When candles came at last (Mrs. Goldsworthy had a lamp; but it smoked,
and the chimney broke, and all sorts of things happened to it), after
the first dazzled moment we all looked at each other. Then Sara became
clearly visible, and was forced out of her corner to let the blind be
drawn down. She came forward to the light at once, with just the least
bravado in her manner, ashamed of hiding herself. She had still the
drawing in her hand.
“Mr. Langham,” said Sara, “do you know this wonderful drawing? I never
was so amused and amazed in my life. Do you know it’s the Park? and my
godmamma Sarah when she was a young lady and a great beauty. To think
you should find it accidentally! And it must have been one of her old
lovers who did it. Oh, please give it to me, and let me show it her. She
would be pleased. She would soon find out whose it was.”
Here Mr. Luigi, who had taken up one of those old books of my father’s,
which Harry in his carelessness had left upon the table, uttered a very
brief instantly suppressed exclamation. I wonder what _he_ could have
discovered! It was the copy of Racine, which I have before mentioned as
among papa’s books, on which was written the name of Sarah Mortimer.
Sarah Mortimer! Here were we all strangers, or almost strangers, to each
other, all apparently startled by the sound and sight of this name. What
could the Italian have to do with Sarah Mortimer? she who broke poor
papa’s heart, and whom we had found out so suddenly to-day?
“This lady?” said Mr. Luigi, holding up the book to me with a slight
tremulousness, “Madame will not think me impertinent; does she live?”
“Indeed,” said I, with a shiver of agitation, “I cannot tell. I do not
know anything about her; her name on that book and the drawing is all we
know. I think she is a ghost. Do you too know her name? Sara, tell us,
for pity’s sake, who is this Sarah Mortimer of the Park?”
Sara stared at the book with still greater amazement than she had shown
at the drawing. “She is my godmamma,” said the girl, in a disturbed,
amazed tone. “She is Miss Mortimer of the Park. Since you all know her
name, you all know that certainly. How is it you know her? why did you
not tell me? Is there any mystery? it all seems very strange to me.”
“Then it is that lady,” exclaimed Mr. Luigi--“it is that lady I did meet
in the village.”
“No,” said Sara, recovering herself in a moment; “you met my other
godmamma, her sister. She told me she had met you. May I ask if you
found the lady in Manchester? Godmamma was very much interested and
anxious to know. Did you find her? have you heard where she is to be
found?”
Mr. Luigi looked at the book once more; then closed it down firmly with
his hand; then gazed a little anxiously in Sara’s face. “Have I found
the lady?” he repeated like an echo. “Mademoiselle, I do not know.”
Then the Italian, as if with an instinctive motion, laid his other hand
over the book, and clasped them both upon it as though to hold something
fast. Then to my amazement and to Sara’s--but to something more than
amazement on Sara’s part--something very much like pique and offence--he
turned towards Harry and began to talk on indifferent matters. I had
noticed a half-weary, half-impatient sigh escape him as he laid his
hands over that book; but he showed no other symptom of emotion. The
next moment he was talking in very good English, slightly, very
slightly, broken with now and then a foreign idiom, something about
public affairs. I confess I felt disappointed as well as Sara. He had
recognised that name; somehow it was familiar to him; and his
enigmatical answer had naturally stimulated our curiosity. He left us
behind him staring and wondering, when he suddenly glided from the brink
of some revelation to those quiet remarks upon English politics. Harry,
full of his share of the common excitement, did not enter into it with
half so much heart as Mr. Luigi. Harry blundered and was awkward, his
thoughts being elsewhere. Mr. Luigi was quite undisturbed and at his
ease. Sara scarcely spoke again while he remained; she did all but turn
her back upon him; she showed her pique quite clearly enough to catch
the quick eye of the Italian. Altogether he did not stay very long,
thinking us, I daresay, rather an uncomfortable party; and Harry,
disappointed, as I had expected, not to find me alone, and be able to
hold a comfortable consultation, went downstairs with him to smoke a
cigar.
“Now they are gone,” cried Sara; “now the man in the iron mask has left
us. I wonder if that is what one would call a romantic Italian? ah! I’d
rather have fat Domenico. Now they’re gone, do tell me, once for all,
what is godmamma Sarah to you?”
“Nothing in the world that I know of,” said I, faltering a little; “we
have only that drawing and her name in the old book.”
“I know there is something between her and _him_,” said Sara, returning,
to my great dismay to the other books on the table; “she knows about
him, or he knows about her, or something. You know she was a long time
abroad. What funny old books! Was it among those you found the drawing?
But, stop, here is another Mortimer--Richard A. Mortimer--who is he?
Papa has been their agent for centuries, and I have known them all my
life, but I never heard of a Richard Mortimer. Do tell me, who was he?”
“Indeed, it is all very odd,” cried I, really fluttered out of my
self-possession. “I wonder what will come of it? It is very strange and
bewildering. Richard Mortimer was my father.”
“Then you are a relation!” cried Sara; “you must be a relation, there
are so few Mortimers; and your father must have been her lover. Are you
sure, are you quite sure? Why, _your_ name must be Mortimer too! and
Milly! Mr. Langham calls you Milly--Milly Mortimer! Oh, dear, dear! I
never can get to the Park to tell them to-night, and how shall I contain
myself till to-morrow? I knew there must be something that made me love
you so much at first sight. To be sure, that explains everything. Milly
Mortimer! oh, you dear, pretty, good, delightful Mrs. Langham! I am so
glad, so happy! They are my godmothers, and so to be sure we are
relations too!”
Upon which Sara threw her arms round me in a wild, rapid embrace. I was
so very much shaken and disturbed with all that had happened, that I
could scarcely bear this last. I remember using all my remaining power
to convince her that the relationship was by no means certain still, and
that it was not to be communicated to the ladies at the Park without
further assurance. Sara, however, only overpowered me with caresses and
exclamations. She entirely upset all the remaining strength I had. She
kept us from that consultation which Harry and I were both so much
longing for. She left us at last in terror lest we should be brought
into immediate contact with those unknown relatives. This day of great
news, excitement, and perplexity, was, I think, the most exhausted,
uncomfortable day I ever met with in all my life.
CHAPTER IX.
“It is the oddest business altogether that I had ever anything to do
with,” said Harry, next morning; “one cannot tell what step to take
first. My own idea, of course, is to call on this old Cresswell and get
it all out of him. He evidently is the man who knows.”
“Ah, but, Harry, if he is one of those scheming lawyers,” said I, “why
should he go and betray his clients for people whom he never heard of
before? and, besides, it would be impossible to tell him how we got
information about it, for you could not speak of the advertisement
without ruining poor Mr. Ward.”
“Milly, I may be sorry enough for your poor Mr. Ward, but I am more
interested a great deal in your rights,” said Harry; “besides, if
everything came true we could make it up to him. I see nothing for it
but going to old Cresswell. He will be glad--since he did think of an
advertisement--to have such a rod of terror to hold over the heads of
his old ladies; at all events we shall know what it is. It might come to
nothing after all,” said Harry, with a little sigh, “and there is
nothing more injurious than to be kept uncertain. Why, to tell the
truth, I feel extravagant this morning: I got up with the feeling. I
should like to go and ruin myself in accordance with the sentiment of
the moment. If it’s all true, why should we be economical?--your
grandfather’s red brick house on one side, and this Park on the other.
We’re lucky people, Milly. I’ll either go and see old Cresswell and have
it out with him, or I’ll go and throw away every shilling I have.”
“Ah, Harry, give it to me,” I said, holding out my hands; “but I don’t
believe you have any money, so it doesn’t matter. Only--just wait a
little, please; don’t let us do things hastily. Think of thrusting our
claims suddenly upon two old ladies who perhaps have enjoyed it all
their life. Only think of us two, young and happy, disturbing the lives
of two old people who are not so fortunate as we are! Not to-day; let us
try to get other proof first. Try if Mr. Pendleton knows anything--write
to Haworth again. At least, don’t let us be hasty; a day or two cannot
matter; and I don’t trust this Mr. Cresswell,” cried I, with some
vehemence. “He cannot be honest, or he would not have done such a
thing.”
Harry laughed at my earnestness. He said lawyer-villains had gone out of
fashion, and that there were no Mr. Gammons now-a-days. The truth is, we
had both been reading novels since we came to Chester, and I am not at
all sure that Harry was as sceptical about Mr. Gammon as he professed to
be. But, to my consolation, he went out without any definite purpose of
beginning his proceedings. “I daresay old Cresswell is an old humbug,”
said Harry. “I’ll see whether there is not some other old fellow about
who is up to everybody’s genealogy; surely there ought to be some such
person about the Cathedral. And I’ll write to Pendleton, Milly. To be
sure, there is nothing to hurry us. ‘Let us take time, that we may be
done the sooner.’ I’ll do nothing desperate to-day.”
When he was gone I felt a little sense of relief. I sat long in the same
chair, with the table still littered with the breakfast things,
neglecting my duties and even baby. He had been brought downstairs
before Harry went out, and was now sitting at my feet on the carpet,
playing with my work-basket, which much contented him. I did not observe
the havoc that was taking place, but sat still in a tumult of thoughts
which I could not describe. I suppose nobody ever did come to a sudden
knowledge--or even fancy--that they might be found out heirs of a great
estate without feeling fluttered. I was half afraid of the thought, yet
it had a strange, vague, bewildering exhilaration in it. Sometimes a
trembling shadow would cross my mind of my old spectre; but it had faded
again to-day into the agitation of surprised and trembling hopes. One
does not always feel the same even about one’s own terrors. And, upon
the whole, I felt raised into a kind of general elevation, thrust up
above myself into another region, capable of being kinder, more liberal
and magnanimous than I had ever felt before. I suppose it must have been
the same feeling which Harry had when he said he felt extravagant. I
could have emptied my purse to a beggar, I believe,--at least I could
have found it in my heart to give him sixpence instead of a penny,--to
such an extent had this vague, exhilarating _rich_ feeling carried me
away.
Lizzie looked a little mysterious when I called her at last. She was
bursting with something to tell; and when I addressed some ordinary
question to her, her news broke forth suddenly without any introduction.
“Eh, the gentleman’s awa’ again,” cried Lizzie, “and he thinks she maun
be found or heard tell o’--he thinks there _maun_ be word of her. The
gentleman’s awa’ back where he was, to bring something he left, and
‘Menico says, as sure’s death she maun be found.”
“Who must be found?”
“Eh, mem, it’s the leddy! They came a’ this gate, ower the hills and the
seas, to find a leddy. I canna just understand wha she is,” said Lizzie,
“but she’s some freend; and ‘Menico’s clear she maun be found now, and
he’s dancing like to bring down the house for joy.”
“But you don’t look very joyful, Lizzie; what is the matter?” said I.
Lizzie made a desperate effort to restrain herself, but, failing, burst
into violent tears. “Eh, he’s written me a letter!” cried the girl,
sobbing; and then, with much fumbling, eyes blind with tears, and a face
all glowing with shame, the letter came forth from the bosom of Lizzie’s
dress, and was thrust into my hand.
Alas for my self-congratulations over Lizzie’s childish age! Fourteen,
after all, it appeared, was no safeguard. But I was as much amused as
troubled when I undid Domenico’s letter. It was written on odd thin
paper, in a very tolerable hand; it was addressed to _the_ Elizabeth
Bain, and its contents were as follows:
“To the my little good Lessee.
“You be good child; if the lady yours will, I take you to the
theatre after to-morrow, for gratitude. To me you show of bounty, I
to you of thanks. There be grand sight at the theatre which will
please to you. Show the Signora yours this letter mine, and ask if
permission. It will much please to me to make festa for my little
good Lessee. There be none word in English for festa, for because
the English not know to make it.
“DOMENICO.”
“But, Lizzie,” cried I, in surprise, “there is nothing in this to cry
about. He only means to be kind, poor fellow. There is not a word in all
this that sounds like----”
Love-making, I was about to have said, but paused, partly in respect for
the innocence of the girl, and partly ashamed of myself for my
instinctive suspicion that flirtation was inevitable when “a foreigner,”
however fat, was in the case. Lizzy had wiped her eyes and was looking
at me wistfully, quite ready to sob again.
“Oh, it’s no him,” cried Lizzie; “he’s a papist, puir man, and he
doesna ken ony better. But oh, mem, it’s me--me that was weel brought
up, and learned the catechism and ay gaed to the kirk; and what will I
do? what will I do?”
“For pity’s sake, Lizzie, tell me what is the matter?” cried I, really
alarmed.
Lizzie burst into tears once more. She wiped her eyes with her apron,
with hot and humid hands; then, casting a pathetic glance at me from
under the drapery, sobbed forth the dreadful confession, “Oh, mem!
though I think burning shame, and ken it’s dreadful, I canna help it--I
would like to gang!”
This anti-climax was too much for my gravity, and Lizzie looked on with
moist, uncomprehending eyes at the burst of laughter which I could not
restrain. Poor Lizzie! I have no doubt she thought me very heartless
neither to satisfy her guilty desires after such vanities, nor her
scruples of conscience and violent shame at her own weakness. Baby,
however, was more sympathetic. Seeing his beloved Lizzie in tears, a
fellow-feeling made him scream in concert. _He_ had to be consoled,
though his nurse went away wistful, trembling lest I should consent, and
lest I should not consent. But privately I confess I was very much
relieved and not a little ashamed of myself. To think I should have
suspected any absurd love-making between these two! I felt ready to go
and ask poor Lizzie’s pardon. But why should not she go to the theatre
and satisfy her mind? Domenico could not be less than twenty years older
than herself. On the whole, this little episode quite increased the
lightness of my spirits. The day was bright, the spring was every hour
becoming more sweet, and as I sat there by myself with my child in the
little back-room, noting the sunshine, which did not reach us, fall
sweet upon the little walled-in gardens at the back, a sudden project
which had already glanced through my mind, became feasible on the
moment. Yes, I should do it. Lizzie and the baby, for a breath of
country air, should go with me. By actual witness of my own eyes I would
identify the Park.
CHAPTER X.
The next day Harry had duties of one sort and another, which would
completely occupy his time. He had not found any student of genealogy
who could tell him all about the Mortimers of the Park; but he had heard
of one, and, between that and his duty, was full engaged both in person
and thoughts. A better opportunity could not be. I told him I thought of
taking a long walk into the country with Lizzie and baby this beautiful
day; and, except a warning not to go too far and weary myself, Harry had
nothing to say against my intention. I may say, however, that in the
meantime, having consulted with him on the subject, I had plunged
Lizzie’s mind into the most dread commotion of terror, delight, and
curiosity, by consenting to Domenico’s proposal, only adding Mrs.
Goldsworthy to the party, to make all right.
And it was true that Mr. Luigi had disappeared again; he was only to be
three days gone, Domenico assured us, holding up three of his fingers.
“Tree sola, tree only,” repeated the fat fellow once more, blocking up
the passage as of old; and once more, with that inimitable wheel and
elastic step of his, opening the door before any one could approach it.
I could not help wondering to myself whether the Italian gentleman was
likely to leave Chester before we did; certainly the loss of Domenico
would make quite a difference in the house. I had not thought quite so
much as I might have been supposed to have done about this Italian
gentleman. He too had recognised the name of Sarah Mortimer as having
some influence on his fate. He had left early next morning, as if acting
upon the knowledge he had gained, whatever that might be. It was very
strange; afterwards, of course, I came to lay everything together, and
wonder at myself that I had not seen how things were tending. But at the
moment I was full of my own thoughts; they seemed so very much more
important to me just then than anything else. I dismissed Mr. Luigi with
just half a thought of surprise and curiosity; I dare say Sara Cresswell
had thought more of him. And Sara had not come to me through all that
long intervening day. Could she have gone to the Park to tell the news?
would they acknowledge or pretend to disown us? That was a question far
more interesting to me than all the Italians in the world.
The private object of my expedition, however, was one I was truly
ashamed to mention to anybody; but, for all that, it had taken a great
hold upon myself. I have said I had been reading novels; and the very
last one we had from the library was “Ten Thousand a Year.” It struck
upon my mind even at the very moment when poor Mr. Ward had told me
first. Those dear, good, delightful, fine, superfine Aubreys! to think
of all their sufferings, the poor dear superlative people--how
dreadfully they felt it to have only a _maid_ waiting at table! Oh me!
and only to think that here might we ourselves be bringing about such
another calamity! Of course you may think it was very fantastical. I do
confess that the dreadful downfall of having only a _maid_ to wait,
seemed to me, at first sight, the most _fine_ distress I had ever heard
of; but it took a hold upon my mind all the same; I could not help
imagining to myself the other side of the picture. It was very pleasant
to think of falling heirs to a great estate, and being lifted in a
moment from poverty into great wealth; but who were those two pathetic
figures turning away from the closed door of the house which had been
their home so long, mournfully settling down in their new straitened
quarters, breaking up all the habits of their lives, missing somehow in
an unspoken way, that it would be ludicrous to express in words, but was
far from ludicrous to feel, all the grander circumstances of their life?
Ah! that was quite a different question. I thought I could see them
sighing over their contracted rooms, their fallen state--not speaking,
falling silent rather, life going out and ebbing away from them. I saw
the two pale old lofty faces, the pride, the submission, the deep sense
of downfall concealed in their hearts, and I felt myself stopped short
in my way. Those ineffable Aubreys, those figures painted on velvet,
those dear porcelain creatures, with their exquisite troubles, had an
effect upon my imagination, even though I might venture to smile at them
sometimes. Superfine people, to be sure, must have superfine
afflictions; and to think of being a Tittlebat Titmouse, and driving out
such angels from their paradise into the cold-hearted, unsympathetic
world, that cared no more whether they had a six-foot footman and a
carriage, than it cared about myself, a subaltern’s poor wife, driving
out of Chester in an omnibus! So this was the real cause of my journey.
I went remorsefully, thinking all the way how Mrs. Aubrey swooned at
all emergencies. I wonder, when they heard the dreadful power we had
over them, would Miss Sarah and Miss Milly swoon in each other’s arms? I
could see them going about, stricken silent, afraid to look at each
other; and it would be all _our_ doing. Remorseful to my very heart, I
went to visit their village and ask about them, and see the house if I
could. Perhaps some arrangement might be made, after all, to prevent any
loss to these poor dear old ladies. I felt as if I could have done
anything for them, my heart was so compunctious and repentant of the
power we had to do them harm. I am not sure my great magnanimousness did
not have a root in what Harry called _feeling extravagant_, as well as
in “Ten Thousand a Year.”
We went out a considerable part of the way in an omnibus, and then
walked. After a good long walk through a nice country, we saw a pretty
common a little way before us: I call it pretty because some parts of it
were very unequal and broken, having gorse bushes, with here and there a
golden honey-bud among the prickles. To get to the common, we crossed
over a very clean, nicely kept piece of road, straight and smooth,
leading down to the village from the gates of a great house. The house
was too far off to make it out, but I felt my heart beat a little,
knowing, from the description I had got, that it could be no other than
the Park.
I left Lizzie and her charge seated on the soft grass of the common,
where baby, who had never before known anything so delightful, began to
pluck at the crowflowers with his fat hands; and went down into the
village to buy them some biscuits. I confess I felt very guilty. Going
anywhere all by myself confused me, not being accustomed to it; but I
was not an innocent stranger here; I was a spy in my rival’s kingdom; I
was a Bolingbroke pretending to acknowledge the sway of the existing
sovereign: I was going to traffic with his subjects and tamper with
them. If the village authorities had found me out, and held a
court-martial and hanged me on the spot, I think I should have
acknowledged the justice of their decision. I was a spy.
It was a nice village--a nice, well cared-for, tidy, yet not too
picturesque or unnatural village; looking as if the richer people about
were friendly and sensible, not interfering too much, but keeping up a
due reverence and influence. Some tall bushes of broom were actually
bursting into yellow streaks over the garden palings--not wall--of a
house standing back a little, which I found out to be the Rectory. It
must have been very sheltered and warm, for it was still only April.
However, though I was full of curiosity, my mind was not sufficiently
disengaged to carry away a clear picture of the village; and when the
women looked out from the doors at me with an instinct that a stranger
was passing, I felt more guilty than ever. I made my way accordingly to
the baker’s as fast as I could, and got some dark-complexioned ponderous
buns there, which I felt sure would rouse Lizzie’s national sense of
superiority to great triumph. Then I made a tremulous excuse of wanting
some biscuits besides, and so got a little time to bring forward the
questions I had prepared.
“Who is it that lives in the great house at the other end of the
village?” said I hypocritically, pointing with my finger towards the
Park.
“Who is it?” said the baker’s wife, leaning on her counter with a
certain contempt and admiration of my ignorance; “law bless you, ma’am,
you don’t know this place, seemingly. Them’s the Miss Mortimers, the
oldest family in Cheshire. They’re as well known as the Queen about
here.”
“I am a stranger,” said I hurriedly. “Are they ladies--I mean are they
young ladies? were there no sons?”
The baker’s wife leaned back upon a sack of flour, and laughed. “Miss
Milly’s godmoother to half the village,” she said; “she’s none that
young, she’s isn’t. No, there wasn’t no son. I’ve heard my mother say
there was once talk of making Miss Mortimer an ouldest son like, but it
couldn’t be done. They’re cooheiresses, that’s what it’s ca’ed--I’ve
seen it written down myself--cooheiresses of the late Lewis Esquire;
that’s the name it goes by; and as they ain’t married it’s no harm.”
“Did they succeed their father, then?” said I.
“And that they did,” cried the woman, “and their father’s father, and
grandfather, and great-grandfather, as far back as I don’t know when;
they’re no mushroom folks, the folks in the Park.”
I felt very much puzzled and perplexed; how could my father, then, have
anything to do with it? It was very strange.
“But I suppose the lands were entailed, then, or something of that sort.
Was there never another heir that claimed? I think you must be wrong,”
said I, betraying myself in my wonder and haste.
The baker’s wife opened her eyes wide and stared; then laughed out
rather scornfully--politeness is not the first rule either of life or
speech in Cheshire.
“I’ve lived here in the village all my life,” she said; “if I don’t
know, I’d like to hear who should. Nay, nay, there never was a dream of
another heir; they’re surer nor most folks are the Miss Mortimers. There
ain’t scarce one living belonging to them to get it when they’re gone. I
tell you what it is, it’s a mistake. You’re thinking on Eden Hall.”
“Oh!” said I, “perhaps! I am a stranger here.”
“Sure you’re strange,” said the baker’s wife; “any one in the village
could tell that. Ne’er a one asked such questions o’ me--nor any
questions at all, but the price of bread, and how the crops are to be,
except that Frenchman with the moustache. You’re not belonging to him,
are you? You’re English by your speech.”
“Oh yes, I’m English,” cried I, not without a vague momentary vision of
the village court-martial, and being hung up for a spy. “I will take my
change, please.”
And I took my change, and went away with quickened steps but changed
feelings. I had not the heart to speak to anybody else. I passed old
women at the doors, who, no doubt, could have told something about it;
but I did not venture to make any more inquiries. I was completely lost
in perplexity. The undisputed representatives of a race, the heirs of
father, grandfather, and great-grandfather to unknown antiquity--what
could be urged against their possession? I was startled into sudden
doubt of the whole matter. What if it were all a deception? The very
pathway swam and twisted under my eyes. When I reached the common, and
threw myself wearily on the grass beside little Harry and his maid, I
felt quite a different person from her who had left them there. I gave
Lizzie the coarse buns, but I did not listen to the comments which came
as I knew they would. I was far too much bewildered and shaken out of my
fancies to be amused. After I had rested awhile, I got up, and, taking
them with me, went up, rather faltering, to the gates of the Park. A
little lodge, half hidden among evergreen bushes, was at the gate. I
went forward, Lizzie following me close, to ask if we might be permitted
to look at the house.
But, just as I was going up to the door, I was accosted by a lady who
came hurriedly forward by a side-path. She held out her hand to stop us
before she came up, and full of fanciful alarm as I was, I stopped,
startled, with again the sensation of having been found out. She was
middle-sized and stout, with a plump, handsome figure and sensible, kind
face--very sensible, very kind, not brilliant at all; and, I think, with
as much perplexed thought and anxiety upon it, as there was on mine.
“Don’t go into the lodge with the baby, please,” she cried, as soon as
she was near; “the little girl has the hooping-cough. It’s always best
to keep out of the way of danger. If I can tell you what you want, shall
be very glad. I see you’re a stranger; or if you want to see Mrs.
Williams, send away the baby, please. Hooping-cough’s very catching, and
it’s hard upon such a young child.”
This voice and this speech completely overpowered me. I could not doubt
for a moment that this was one of the Miss Mortimers. I was no longer a
mere spy; I was an unnatural traitor. I motioned Lizzie with my hand to
go away, but stood still speechless myself, the tears rising to my eyes.
The lady stood waiting to see what I wanted, but discovering my
distress, as some people can, came a little closer to me. “Are you ill?
can I help you in anything?” she said, looking very pitifully and kindly
into my wet eyes.
“No, thank you. I was going to ask if I might look at the Park; but I
must make haste after baby,” I cried. I had the impulse to curtsey to
her as children do; for anything I know I did it. The only thing that I
am certain of is, that as fast as my feet would carry me, I hastened
away.
CHAPTER XI.
We were able to get the same omnibus going home, which I was very glad
of, for the strange defeat I had received made me feel doubly weary with
the walk, which, after all, had not been a very long one. There was only
one person in this omnibus, which was not a town omnibus, you know, but
one which went between Chester and an important village, seven or eight
miles off. He was an elderly man, very well dressed in black, with a
white cravat. To tell the plain truth, I took him for a dissenting
preacher by his dress; and as he looked very serious and respectable,
and was very polite in helping us to get in, we had some little
conversation after a while. When he saw me look at the houses we passed
with an appearance of interest, he told me the names of them, or who
they belonged to. He was exceedingly polite and deferential, so polite
that he called me ma’am, which sounded odd; but I could only suppose he
was an old-fashioned person and liked such antiquated ways of
expression. I confess a suspicion of his real condition never crossed my
mind. But he evidently knew everybody, and after a while my prevailing
idea woke up again.
“Do you know,” said I, with a little hesitation, “the family at the
Park--the Miss Mortimers? I should very much like to hear something
about them.”
“There’s nobody I know better, ma’am,” said our companion with a slight
look of surprise; “I’ve been with--that is, I’ve known ’em this fifty
years.”
“Oh, then will you please tell me how they succeeded?” said I; “how did
they come into the estate?”
“How they succeeded?” said the stranger, with a certain slow wonder and
amazement; “why, ma’am, in the natural way, after their father as was
Squire before them.”
Here I could not help thinking to myself that the dissenting clergy must
be dreadfully uneducated, if this were one of them.
“But was there never any gap in the succession?” said I; “has it been in
a straight line? has there been no break lately--no branch of the family
passed over?”
“Bless you, ma’am, you don’t know the Mortimers,” said our friend;
“there’s never enough of them to make branches of the family. There was
a second cousin the young ladies had a many years ago, but I never heard
of no more of them, and he was distant like, and had no more thoughts of
succession than I had. If that gen’lman was alive or had a family,
things might be different now.”
“How do you mean things might be different now?” cried I.
“The ladies, ma’am, has never married,” said the man, who certainly
could not be more than a Methodist local preacher at the utmost, “and,
in the course of nature, there can’t be no natural heir.”
This view of the subject, however, was one totally unsatisfactory to me.
“Are you sure,” said I, “that there never was any other heir spoken
of--that there never was any story about the succession--that there was
never anybody to dispute it with the Miss Mortimers? I thought I had
heard some such story about----”
“Ah, you’re thinking, ma’am, of Eden Hall, just the next property,” said
he.
“But was there never any claimant to the Park?” asked I, somewhat
excited.
“No such thing,” said the man in black, “nor couldn’t be. Bless you, the
family’s well known. There never was so much as a will-case, as I ever
heard on; for why, you see, ma’am, there never was such a plenty of
children to make quarrels. When there’s but two or so, there’s little
can come of quarrelling. No, no! there never was no strange claimant to
our estate.”
“To _your_ estate, did you say?” cried I, in amazement.
“No, ma’am, no--no such presumption. I said _our_, and sure I might;
I’ve been with the ladies this fifty year.”
“Oh!” I exclaimed, much dismayed. This was certainly coming to the very
head-quarters for information. This was no local preacher after all, but
only the Miss Mortimers’ majordomo. If there had been any possible
excuse for it, I should certainly have got out of the omnibus
immediately, so utterly confounded and taken aback did I feel. But as we
were still some two miles out of Chester, and we were all tired, and
baby cross and sleepy, I had to think better of it. However, in my
consternation I fell into instant silence, and felt really afraid of
meeting the man’s eye. He sat opposite me, beside Lizzie, very
respectful and quiet, and by no means obtruding himself upon my notice.
I cannot tell how shocked and affronted and angry I felt with myself. I
had, I suppose, like most people of my condition, a sort of horror of
men-servants, a sort of resentful humiliation in feeling that I had
mistaken one of that class for an ordinary fellow-traveller, a
frightened idea of what Harry would think to hear of his wife sitting in
an omnibus beside Miss Mortimer’s man. Altogether I was sadly
discomfited and beaten. The Miss Mortimers had got the better of me at
every hand; and I was entirely humiliated and cast down by this last
blow of all.
The interval was quite tedious and oppressive till we arrived in
Chester. Seeing me look at another house unconsciously as we passed, the
man, most kindly and good-humouredly, I am sure, after my sudden
withdrawal from the conversation, mentioned its name. “That is
Dee-sands, ma’am, the mayor o’ Chester’s place. It ain’t within sight of
the Dee, and there’s none of them sands near here, but they do say it’s
named after a song,” said the good-natured cicerone. “Oh!” said I again,
shrinking back into my corner. He looked at me rather closely after
this, muttering something that sounded like “No offence!” and leaned
back also, a little affronted. It did not occur to me that I was only
drawing his attention to what I had said before by this sudden reserve.
I took care to show no more interest in the wayside villas, and sprang
out with a great sense of relief when we reached the end of our journey.
Happening to glance back when I had reached our own door, I saw that the
omnibus had been delayed by numerous descents from the roof, and was
still standing where we had left it, and that Miss Mortimer’s man had
put his head out of one of the windows, and was watching where I went
to. This circumstance made me enter with great haste and trepidation.
Now, above all, I had been found out; and if ever any one felt like a
traitor and a spy, it was surely me, stumbling back from that
unsuccessful enterprise across the threshold of Mrs. Goldsworthy’s
house.
The door was opened to us too alertly to be done by anybody but
Domenico; and it was Domenico accordingly, in his vast expanse of shirt
sleeves. It was quite a comfort to see his beaming, unconscious face.
“The time is fine,” said Domenico; “it pleases to the signora to make
promenade? Ah, bravo! the piccolo signore grow like tree.”
This was in reference to baby, who crowed at him and held out his arms,
and whom Domenico freely called piccolo and piccolino, at first somewhat
to my indignation; but I confess the good fellow’s voice and looks, and
the way baby stretched out to him, out of poor Lizzie’s tired arms, was
quite consolatory and refreshing to me. It is easy to get a feeling of
home to a place, surely. It was only lodgings, and Domenico was a
foreigner, and I had not the ghost of an early association with the
little insignificant house; but I cannot tell you what a sense of ease
and protection came upon me the very moment I was within the door.
Upstairs on the table lay a letter. We got so few letters that I was
surprised, and took it up immediately, and with still greater surprise
found it to be from Sara Cresswell, lamenting over not having found me,
wondering where I could have gone, and concluding with a solemn
invitation to dinner in her father’s name. “Papa is so anxious to see
Mr. Langham and you,” wrote Sara, “and to talk over things. I have been
obliged to obey him for once, and not to go or write out to dear
godmamma till he has seen you. If you don’t come he will be so
dreadfully disappointed; indeed, I am quite sure if you don’t come _he
will go to see you_. I can’t suppose you will be able to resist such a
threat as that. Send me a word, please, directly. I shall be quite
wretched till I know.”
This revived all my excitement, as may be supposed; there _must_ be
something in it after all, and surely, instead of Harry going to his
office to seek him, it would be much better to meet at his house, and
with an evening’s leisure too; for Sara had taken care to add that
nobody else was to be there. The earnestness of this invitation seemed
so entirely contradictory to all that I had heard to-day, that the
wildest vague suspicions of mystery began to break upon my mind. To be
sure, bakers and butlers were not likely to be in the secret. Mr.
Cresswell knew all about it; and here was he seeking us entirely of his
own accord! Once more all my dazzled ambitious dreams came back again; I
forgot my failure and sense of treachery--I was no traitor--it was only
my rights that I had been thinking of; and they were not pathetic
possible victims, but triumphant usurpers, who now had possession of the
Park.
CHAPTER XII.
I had managed to regain my spirits entirely before Harry returned: if
anything, indeed, I think this revival of all my fancies, after my
disappointment and annoyance, had stimulated me more than before. It was
a beautiful April evening, quite warm and summer-like, and there had
just been such a sunset, visible out of the front windows, as would have
gone far at any time to reconcile me to things in general. I was sitting
in the little drawing-room alone, with baby Harry in my lap, much
delighted to find that he could stand by my side for half a minute all
by himself, and rewarding him with kisses for the exhibition of that
accomplishment. I was tired after my long walk, and felt it delicious
rest to lean back in that chair and watch the light gradually fading out
of the sky, free to think my own thoughts, yet always with the sweet
accompaniment of baby’s inarticulate little syllables, and touches of
his soft small fingers. I remember that moment like a moment detached
out of my life. My heart had rebounded higher out of its despondency.
Who could tell what a bright future that might be on the very brink of
which we trembled? And I, whom Harry had married so foolishly, it was I
who was to bring this wealth to my husband and my child. It was pleasant
thinking in that stir of hope, in that calm of evening, sitting
listening for Harry’s step on the stair. The light grew less and less in
the two front windows, and the open door of communication between the
two rooms brought in a long line of grey luminous sky from the east into
my twilight picture. And I had so much to tell Harry. Ah, there at last
was his foot upon the stair!
He came in, not to the room in which I was, but to the other, and gave a
glance round to see if I was there; then, not seeing me, instead of
calling out for “Milly darling,” as he always did, Harry threw his cap
on the table, and dropped heavily into a chair, with a long sigh--a
strange sigh, half relieved, half impatient--the sigh of something on
his mind. I can see the half-open door, the long gleam of the eastern
window, the scarcely visible figure dropped into that chair--I can see
them all as clearly as at that moment. I stumbled up unawares, gathered
baby into my arms I cannot tell how, and was at his side in a moment. My
own voice sounded foreign to my ears as I cried out, “Harry, what is it?
tell me!” Nothing else would come from my lips.
He rose too--the attitude of rest was not possible at such a time; he
came and held the child and me close to him, making me lean on him. “It
is nothing more than we expected,” he said, “Milly darling. It is only
to have a heart--you are a soldier’s wife.”
I knew without any more words. I stood within his arm, silent,
desperate, holding my dear frightened baby tight, too tight. Ah, God
help us! In a moment, in the twinkling of an eye, as the Bible says, out
of the happiest flutter of hope into that cold, desperate, hopeless
darkness. I could have fancied I was standing on a battlefield, with the
cold, cold wind blowing over us. I made no outcry or appeal; my heart
only leaped with a start of agony at the worst, at the last conclusion.
We were not within his sheltering arm--he young, and strong, and
safe--but looking for him--looking for him on that black, dead
battlefield!
I don’t think it was the cry of the child, whom he took softly out of my
straining arms, but Harry’s compassion that roused me. I cried out
sharply, “Don’t pity me, Harry; I’ll bear it.” It was all I could say. I
went out of his arm with agitated, hurried step, and shut out that cruel
clear sky looking down upon the battlefield I saw. I did not think nor
notice that this unseasonable action threw us into perfect darkness. It
was a kind of physical relief to me to do something with my hands, to
ring some common sound into my ears. At this moment Lizzie came into the
room, carrying lights. As I lifted my confused eyes to them, what a
ghastly change had passed on this room--all so cold, dark, miserable;
the furniture thrust about out of its place; the fireplace dark, and
Harry standing there, with the child in his arms and his cap thrown on
the table, as if this very moment he was going away. He was in uniform
too, and the light caught in the glitter of his sword. Was there to be
no interval? My head swam round. My heart seemed to stop beating. The
misery of imagination drove me half frantic--as if the present real
misery had not been enough.
After a while we sat together once more as usual, he trying to bring me
to talk about it and receive it like a common event. “It is what we have
looked forward to for months,” said Harry; “it should not be strange to
you now. Think how you looked for it, Milly darling, long ago.”
“Yes,” said I. Was it likely I could talk? I only rocked myself backward
and forward in my chair.
“You said God would give you strength when the hour came: the hour has
come, Milly. You are a soldier’s wife!” he said.
“Yes, yes!” and then I burst into an attempt to tell him what I had been
doing--if I must talk let me talk of something else than this--and broke
down, and fell, God help me! to crying and sobbing like a child; which
was how the good Lord gave me the power of bearing what He had sent. I
got better after that; I heard and listened to it all, every detail,
when they would have to go, where they would sail from,--everything. And
then I grew to see by degrees that Harry, but for me, was not sorry to
be sent to the war; that his eye was brightening, his head raised erect.
Oh me! he was a soldier; and I--I was only a foolish creature that could
not follow him or be with him, that could not come between him and those
bullets, that could only stay at home and pray.
But when he came and stroked my hair down with his hand, and soothed me
like a child, and bent over me with such compassion in his face--sorry
for me, full of pity in his affectionate tender heart for the poor girl
he was leaving behind--that was more than I could bear. With a dreadful
pang I thought it was his widow he saw, all lonely and desolate, with no
one to comfort her; and I, his wife, thrust him away, and defied that
dreadful killing thought. No! _I_ might leap at the worst, because I
could not help my hurrying, blind imagination; but he should not, no one
else should--I was resolute of that. So we talked of all the things that
were needful for his preparation; and he spoke of expense and economy,
and I laughed and scorned his talk. Economy! expense! Perhaps I did not
know, could not think where it was to come from; but where careless
money can get everything, do you think careful love would fall far
short? I took courage to laugh at his words.
And then I told him all my day’s trials, and that invitation for the
next day, which, even after what had happened, we must still accept. We
did not have baby downstairs again that night--I dared not--courage will
go so far, but not further. I went upstairs to put him into his little
bed, and was glad, God help me! to be out of Harry’s sight for half an
hour. But still I was not free; Lizzie was about me, gliding here and
there with her inquisitive sharp eyes--sharp eyes all the sharper for
tears, praying and threatening me with her looks. Nobody would believe
in my courage. They thought I should break down and die. Oh me! if one
could die when one pleased, one might sometimes make short work of it;
God does not give us that coward’s refuge. When I was all alone in my
own room, I took an old regimental sash of Harry’s and bound it round me
tight. I cannot tell why I did it; I think it was in my fancy somehow to
bind up my heart, that it should neither yield nor fail.
PART V.
THE LADIES AT THE HALL.
(_Continued._)
CHAPTER I.
Some weeks of quietness passed over us after these dreadful
half-revelations which really disclosed nothing. I will not attempt to
give you any explanation of my state of mind; I don’t think I could if I
tried. I had ceased to think of insanity in respect to my sister Sarah;
she was not insane--no such thing. That scrap of conversation I had
overheard in her dressing-room overturned all my delusions. Some real
thing, some real person, had power to drive her half mad with anxiety
and fear. What she could be anxious about--what she could be afraid
of--she who had lived in the deadest peace at home for nearly
five-and-twenty years--was to me an inscrutable mystery. But that this
Italian stranger was no stranger--that his name was given him after the
name of my father--that love, supposed by Carson to be love in the
heart, and admitted by Sarah to be love for the estate, had suggested
that name--were facts not to be doubted. I need not say anything about
the long trains of agitated and confused thinking into which these
discoveries betrayed me. They ended in nothing--they could not end in
anything. But for a kind of determination I had, to keep up stedfastly
till some light came, and see the end of it, I don’t doubt they would
have made me ill. But I kept well in spite of them. Either our bodies
are not so sensitive as they are said to be, or I am a very stupid
person, which I wouldn’t deny if I was taxed with it; for certainly
many things that worry other people don’t trouble me very much. However,
let the reason be what it might, I kept up. I could not take any
comfort, as Sarah did, in knowing this young man had gone away. I can’t
tell how she could have blinded herself, poor soul. _I_ knew he would
come back. She did not seem to think so; yet surely she knew all about
it far better than I did. What a strange blank, unexplainable mystery it
was! Judging by appearances, the young man could not be much more than
born when she returned home. Yet _she knew him_. Incomprehensible, wild,
mad idea, of which, even after all I had heard, my reason denied the
possibility! _She knew him!_ and what or who, except herself, could
explain it?
The only conclusion I could come to in all my pondering was one that had
glanced into my mind before, that my father had married abroad and had a
son, whom Sarah had somehow stormed or threatened him into disowning.
But then my father was--I grieve to say it, but one must tell the
truth--a man who considered his own will and pleasure much more than
anything else in the world; and I don’t think it would have broken his
heart to have turned us out of our heiress-honours, especially when we
grew old and did not marry. And to have left a male heir behind him! It
was a very unlikely story, to be sure; but certainly Sarah and he were
never friends after their return. They avoided each other, though they
lived under the same roof. They treated each other with a kind of
ceremonious politeness, more like mutual dislike than love. Dear, dear,
to think in a quiet English family how such a dark secret could rise and
grow! I set to hunting up all my father’s letters, not those he had
written to me at home, for he never wrote except when he was obliged,
but his own letters which he had left behind him. I could find nothing
there that threw the slightest light upon the mystery. And then, if he
was my father’s son, what could the young Italian mean by seeking after
this fabulous lady? What had the Countess _Sermoneta_ to do with it? On
the whole, anybody will see that I ended my investigations and
reasonings just where I began them. I knew nothing about it--I could
discover nothing. I had only to wait for the storm that was
returning--that must return. And if--oh, dear, to think of such a
thing!--if it was the miserable wealth we had, that prompted Sarah to
set her face against this stranger--if it were to keep possession of the
estate from him who was its lawful owner, thank Heaven! we were
co-heiresses. She thought she could do as she pleased with the Park, and
I dare say, in right and lawful things, I might have yielded to her;
but I hope Millicent Mortimer was never the woman to keep what did not
belong to her. If he had a title to the estate--Heaven knows how he
could--I gave up trying to imagine;--but if he had, without either
resistance or struggle he should have my share.
I really could not tell how much time had passed from that day when Sara
Cresswell left us. It was near the end of April, so I suppose it must
have been about two months after, when the accident I am going to tell
happened. One afternoon when I was in the shrubbery I saw a young lady
coming up towards the gate, a young creature, pretty and
fair-complexioned, not tall, but very compact and orderly in her looks,
with the air of being a handy, cheerful little woman, and good for most
things she required to do. That was how she struck me, at all events. I
dare say many people would have said she was just a very pretty girl,
evidently sobered down by an early marriage, for she had an odd
nursemaid by her side, carrying a beautiful baby. This stranger caught
her attention very much as I watched her through the tall evergreen
bushes. There was no mystery about _her_, certainly. I took a liking for
her all of a sudden. Somehow it flashed into my mind that if I had ever
been so young and as happy I might have been just such a young woman
myself. I don’t mean so pretty, but the same kind of creature. She was
not rich, it was clear, for the nursemaid was not much more than a
child, an odd, awkward-looking girl; and though the young mother herself
was sufficiently well-dressed, her things had that indescribable
home-made look which one always recognises. She was a little heated with
walking, and had some very grave wrinkles of care, thoughtfulness, and
even anxiety, upon her pretty smooth forehead. I saw her aiming straight
at the door of the lodge, and hastened out to warn her off. She was
certainly a stranger, and could never know that the hooping-cough was in
the house. She took my warning very oddly, looked at me with great
curiosity and with tears--I am sure I saw them coming into her eyes--and
then, with some half-explanation about wishing to see the Park, hurried
away after her lovely little boy. I don’t know how long I stood, like a
fool, looking after them, with a great desire to call her back and ask
her in to see the house. Very likely she had come out from Chester to
give her baby a country walk. Pretty young soul! I had no more doubt she
was a good little wife than that she was a pretty creature, and very
young to be that child’s mother. I daresay she was tired and would have
been much the better for a rest. But while I stood thinking of it, of
course she was gone far out of the range of my voice. As for running
after her, that was out of the question at my age; and perhaps, after
all, it was as well not to bring that lovely baby near the lodge. Mary
might have rushed out, and the mischief might have been done in a
moment. As for hooping-cough itself, when children have good
constitutions, I can’t say it is a thing I am very timid about; but it
goes very hard with infants, and one could never excuse one’s-self for
putting such a child in peril. So I went back to the house, though
rather slowly. I can’t tell how it was, I am sure,--but I felt just as
if I had missed a visit from a friend whom it would have been a great
comfort to see.
I might have forgotten this little incident altogether, but for
something that happened afterwards. Ellis had to go into Chester that
day--indeed, he had just left a few minutes before my pretty young
stranger came up. When Ellis came back he took an opportunity of
speaking privately to me--indeed, he asked me to step aside into the
hall for a minute. How he found out that there was any uneasiness in my
mind, or that any doubt about our right to the estate had ever occurred
to me, I cannot tell; there are few things more wonderful than the kind
of instinct by which servants divine the storms which may be only
brooding about a house. Ellis looked very grave and important; but as he
always does so, I was noways alarmed.
“There was a young lady, ma’am,” said Ellis, “rode in the omnibus along
with me this afternoon; well, not perhaps what you might call a _real_
lady neither; leastways I don’t know--her looks was all in her favour;
but ladies, as you know, ma’am, don’t go riding in an omnibus with bits
of nursegirls and babies. But I don’t say she was one of your common
sort.”
“Why, it must have been that pretty young creature,” said I.
“Well, ma’am,” said Ellis, actually with a little shame-facedness, “if
you ask me my opinion, she was a pooty young creature, and so was the
baby. But it ain’t what she looked, Miss Milly; it’s what she said. She
asked as anxious as could be after the family at the Park.”
“Did she know anything of us?” said I, quite delighted. “I wonder who
she is; she quite took my heart.”
“Not if you’d have heard her speak, ma’am,” said Ellis. “She asked, kind
of curious like, how you came to succeed to the estate, and whether
there wasn’t no gap in the line, and if none o’ the family were ever
passed over, and a deal of such questions. I told her it was Eden Hall
she was thinking on, but she wasn’t satisfied. She said wasn’t there
another claimant to the estate, and was I quite sure you was the right
people and hadn’t passed over nobody? But the strangest thing of all
was, as soon as I let out by accident I belonged to the Park, it was all
over in a twinkling. Afore you could know where you was, from asking her
questions and looking as anxious as you please, and her little veil up
over her bonnet, and her face turned to you like a child--in a moment,
ma’am, it was dead shut up and drawn back, and the veil down and face as
if it didn’t see the place you was. I said to myself, ‘There’s summut in
this,’ as soon as ever I seed the way she took me belonging to the Park;
and, to be sure, all the way not another word. Seeing things like that,
I made bold to look after her when she went out; and if you might chance
to have any curiosity, Miss Milly, here’s a note of the address.”
“But what should I have any curiosity about?” said I, agitated and
surprised, taking the paper from him eagerly enough, yet quite at a loss
to account for any interest I could have in his adventure. Ah! had it
happened six months ago, how I should have laughed at Ellis! but it
could not have happened six months ago. Ellis himself would have taken
no notice whatever of such questions then.
“Ma’am,” said Ellis, “the quality has their own ways; if _I_ don’t know
that, who should? I dare say it ain’t nothink to you; but it’s curious
to have parties asking about the Park, as if we was a family as had
romances; and being a pooty young creature, you see, Miss Milly, I
thought it might be possible as you’d like to know.”
“Very well, thank you, Ellis. I know you’re always careful about the
interests of the family,” said I.
“I’ve been at the Park fifty year,” said Ellis, with his best butler’s
bow. I gave him a nod, and went away to the library a great deal more
disturbed than I would let him perceive, but I don’t undertake to say
that he didn’t see it all the same. Here was just the very fuel to set
my smouldering impatience into a blaze. A sudden impulse of doing
something seized upon me like a kind of inspiration. Here was a new
actor in the strange bewildering drama. Who was she? Could she be
Luigi’s wife coming to aid him? As the thought struck me I trembled with
impatience, standing at the window where it was too dark to read that
address. I must wait for the morning, but certainly there was light out
of darkness. However foolish it might be, I could bear it no longer.
Here was a clue to guide my steps, and whether right or wrong, to-morrow
I should plunge into the mystery. The idea took possession of me beyond
all power of resistance. I walked about the library in the dark, quite
excited and tremulous. The wind had risen, and the night was rather
stormy, but I could not go into the comfort and light of that great
drawing-room where Sarah sat knitting. To-morrow, perhaps, I should know
the secret of her death in life.
CHAPTER II.
I got very little rest that night, and was up almost by break of day the
next morning. In the height of my excitement and anxiety, I felt more
comfort in my mind than I had done for a long time. Sitting waiting is
dreadful work, but I felt myself again when there appeared anything to
do. I would not allow myself to suppose that it would end in nothing.
Such inquiries could not possibly be made without a motive. I was so
restless that I scarcely could remain quietly at home for an hour or two
after breakfast which, out of regard for appearances, I was obliged to
sacrifice; but for the same reason I made up my mind not to take the
carriage, but to walk to the point where the omnibus passed, and take my
chance of finding a seat in it as other people did. I went out
accordingly about eleven o’clock, and left a message for Sarah that I
was going to make some calls, and that she was not to wait dinner for
me, as _I_ should probably lunch somewhere at a friend’s house. I saw
Ellis look out after me from the hall window, with a kind of solemn grin
on his face. Ellis was not to be deceived; he knew where I was going as
well as I did myself.
As I had intended, I got into the omnibus when it passed, to the great
amazement and dismay of both guard and driver, who knew me well enough.
I thought to myself, after I was in it, that it was perhaps rather a
foolish thing to do. If any talk got abroad about our family, and if the
strangers, male and female, kept making strange inquiries, and I was
seen driving--no, that is not the word--_riding_ in an omnibus, what
would people think but that some extraordinary downfall had happened at
the Park? There were only some countrywomen in the coach, who stared at
me a little, but were too busy with their own affairs to mind me much.
Fortunately there was no one there from our own village. It was a very
long drive to Chester, going in the omnibus; and being unaccustomed to
it, and never on the outlook for jolts, I felt it a good deal, I
confess, besides being just the least thing in the world in a false
position. Not that I minded being seen in the omnibus, but because the
guard knew me, and was troublesomely respectful, and directed the
attention of the other passengers towards me. Great people, when they
pretend to travel _incognito_, must find it a great bore, I should
fancy. Of course somebody always betrays them, and it must be a great
deal easier to bear what you can’t help bearing when there is no mystery
about it, than when every blockhead thinks himself in your secret, and
bound to keep up the joke with you.
At last we came to the street, and I got down. It was near the railway
station, and so all sorts of traffic poured past the place; shabby
hackney cabs, omnibuses from the Chester hotels, vans of goods, all the
miscellaneous stuff that pours into railway stations. The houses were a
little back from the road, to be sure, with little “front gardens,” as
the people call them. I walked past three or four times before I had
screwed myself up to the point of going in. The thing that dissipated
all my feelings of embarrassment in a moment, and brought me back to the
eagerness and excitement with which I set out from home, was the sudden
appearance of Mr. Luigi’s servant, the large, fat, good-humoured
Italian, whom I have before mentioned, at the door of one of the houses.
The sight of him flushed me at once into determination. I turned
immediately to the house where he stood, and of course it was _the_
house, the number which Ellis had written down on his paper; there could
be no doubts on the subject now.
“I wish to see your mistress,” said I, going up to the man, too
breathless and eager to waste any words.
He looked at me with good-humoured scrutiny, repeating “Meestress” with
a puzzled tone; at last a kind of gay, half-flattered confusion came
over his good-humoured face, he put his hand on his heart, made a
deprecatory, remonstrating bow, and burst into some laughing mixture of
Italian and English, equally unintelligible. The fellow actually
supposed I meant his sweetheart, or pretended to suppose so. I became
very angry. He did not look impertinent either; but you may fancy how
one would feel, to be supposed capable of such a piece of levity at such
a time. And a person of my condition, too! Happily, at this moment the
nurse-girl whom I had seen with my pretty young stranger suddenly made
her appearance with the baby in her arms. I appealed to her, and though
she stared and made answer in words not much more intelligible to me
than her fellow-servant’s, she showed me upstairs. She was going out
with the beautiful baby, but one way and another I was so worried and
uncomfortable, and felt so strongly the existence of those plots against
us which I was now going to clear up, that I took no notice of the
child. I said nothing at all but that I wanted to see her mistress, and
walked into the little drawing room without thinking I might be going
into the young stranger’s presence, possibly into the presence of both
husband and wife. However, the moment I had entered I saw her; there she
was. In my heat and annoyance I went up to her instantly.
“Young lady,” said I, “you were in the neighbourhood of my house
yesterday; you were in our village; I myself saw you approaching the
Park. You put some very strange questions to my servant. You must know
how harassed and disturbed I have been by inquiries I don’t know the
meaning of. What is it all about? What claim has your husband upon the
Mortimers? Who is he? What does he want with us?”
I said this without pausing to take breath, for my encounter with the
servant, I confess, had irritated me. Now, when I had said my say and
come to myself, I looked at her and felt a little shocked. She was
certainly changed since yesterday; but before I had time even to make a
mental comment on this change, I was entirely confounded by the entrance
of a new and unsuspected actor on the scene; _her husband!_ evidently
her husband; but as unlike Mr. Luigi as one handsome young man could be
unlike another,--a bright, open-faced unmistakable Englishman, a young
soldier. The sight of him struck me aghast. What new complication was
this?
“If there’s going to be any fighting, that’s _my_ trade,” said the
new-comer. “We’ll change places, Milly darling. Madam, my wife has a
great many things to occupy her just now; let me answer for her, if that
is possible. I think I know what she has been about.”
Saying which, he wheeled the one easy chair in the room towards me, and
invited me to sit down. I sat down with the feeling of having somehow
deceived myself strangely and made a huge mistake. I could not make it
out. Mr. Luigi’s servant was below, and this was certainly the young
woman whom I had arrested on her way to the Park, and who had asked
questions of Ellis in the omnibus. But who was this handsome young
soldier? What had he to do with it? A cold tremble came over me that it
was what the newspapers call a mistaken identity, and that somehow I had
stumbled in, after the rudest and most unauthorized fashion, into the
privacy of two innocent young creatures who knew nothing about the Park.
“Pardon me if I am wrong,” I said with a gasp; “I fear I must be wrong,
only let me ask one question. Did you speak to a man in the omnibus
yesterday about the Mortimers of the Park? or was it not you? I am sure
I shall never forgive myself if I have made such a foolish mistake.”
“But it is no mistake,” said the young wife, who had remained in the
room, standing very near the half-opened door into the tiny apartment
behind. Poor young soul! she was certainly changed in those twenty-four
hours. I could scarcely resist an impulse that came upon me, to go up
and take her in my arms, and ask the dear young creature what it was
that ailed her. Depend upon it, whatever she might have asked about the
Mortimers, that face meant no harm. I looked at her so closely, I was so
much attracted by her, that I scarcely noticed, till she repeated it,
what she said.
“It is no mistake,” she said, growing firmer; “I did ask questions. I am
sure you are Miss Mortimer--we will tell you how it was. Harry, you will
tell Miss Mortimer all about it. I am a little--a little stupid to-day.
I’ll go and fetch the books if you will tell Miss Mortimer how it was.”
She went away quite simply and quietly. He stood looking after her with
a compassionate, tender look, that went to my heart. He did not speak
for a moment, and then he said, with a sigh, something that had nothing
to do with my mystery. “We got marching orders for the Crimea
yesterday,” said the dear simple-hearted young fellow, with the tears
coming into his honest eyes. “It is very hard upon my poor Milly;” and
he broke off with another sigh.
If the two had come to me together the next moment, and disclosed a plan
to turn us out of our estate or pull the house down over our heads, I
could have hugged them in my arms all the same. God bless the dear
children! whatever they had to tell, there was but one thing in their
thoughts, and that was the parting that was coming. If I had been the
hardest heart in the world, that spontaneous confidence must have melted
me. As it was, I could hardly help crying over them in their anguish and
happiness. People are happy that have such anguishes. I could hardly
help exclaiming out aloud, “I’ll take care of her!” and yet dear! to
think of human short-sightedness! Had not I come all this way to find
them out?
She came back again a minute after, with some old books in her arms.
“Have you told Miss Mortimer, Harry?” she asked, pausing with a little
surprise to hear no conversation going on between us, and to see him
leaning against the mantelshelf just as she had left him, with his hand
over his eyes. Then she gave him a quick, affectionate, indignant
glance--I might say petulant--and came up in her energetic way to the
table, where she put down the books. “_I_ will tell you, Miss Mortimer,”
said the brave little woman. “We do not know very much ourselves, but
perhaps when you hear our story you can make it plain better than we
can. We found it out only by chance.”
“My dear,” said I, “do not call me Miss Mortimer; my eldest sister is
Miss Mortimer. I am called Miss Milly; Millicent Mortimer is my name.”
Here the young man broke in suddenly. “_Her_ name was Millicent Mortimer
too,” he cried. “Milly!--that is her name--I beg your pardon, Miss
Mortimer; I think there is no name in the world equal to it. She’s
Milly, named so at her father’s desire. Tell me, is she nearly related
to you?”
I was so astonished I rose up to my feet and stared at them both. To be
sure, I had heard him call her Milly; but my thoughts had been so
entirely drawn astray by Mr. Luigi, that I never thought of anything
else. I stood perfectly thunderstruck, staring at them. “What are you
telling me?” I cried. Really my mind was not in a condition to take in
anything that might be said to me. She put the old books towards me one
by one. I opened them, not knowing what I did. “Sarah Mortimer, the
Park, 1810.” Heaven bless us! Sarah’s hand, no doubt about it; but who
in the world was _she_?
“Child, take pity on me!” I cried; “with one thing and another I am
driven out of my wits. Tell me, for heaven’s sake, who was your father?
Are you _that_ Luigi’s sister? Who are you? Where did you come from? God
help us! I don’t know what to think, or where to turn. Your father, who
was he? What do you know about him? Were _you_ born in Italy too? What
is the truth of this wild, dreadful mystery? Sarah may know about it
perhaps, but I know nothing, nothing! If you would not have me go out of
my senses, child, tell me who you are, and who your father was.”
They both gazed at me astonished. “She is Millicent Mortimer,” said her
young husband, “the child of Richard Mortimer and Maria Connor; she was
born in Ireland. Milly! Milly! the old lady is going to faint.”
For I sank dead down in my chair, as was natural. I put my hands over my
face. I fell a-crying and sobbing in that wonderful, blessed relief. If
my worst suspicions had come true, I could have stood up and faced it.
But my strength went from me in this delicious, unspeakable comfort.
Richard Mortimer’s children! The heirs we were looking for! Oh dear! to
think I could ever be so distrustful of the good Lord! This was what all
the mystery had come to! I sat crying like a fool in my chair, the two
looking on at me, thinking me crazy most likely--most likely wondering,
in their innocent grieved hearts, at the old woman crying for nothing.
How could they tell what a mountain-load of trouble they had taken off
my head?
“My dear,” cried I, when I could control myself enough, “if you are
Richard Mortimer’s daughter you’re the nearest relation we have. You
were to have been advertised for before now--we’ve been seeking you, or
trying to seek you, everywhere. I knew there must be something made my
heart warm to you so. My dear, we’re the last of the old race; there’s
nobody but Richard Mortimer’s children to carry on the name. God help
us! I am a silly old woman. I had taken dreadful fears into my head. Why
didn’t you come and say it plain out, and turn all my anxiety and
troubles into joy? Ah Milly, dear Milly Mortimer!--I could think you
were my own child somehow--come and let me kiss you. I am not so weak as
this usually, but I’m quite overcome to-day. Come here, child, and let
me look at you. It’s pleasant to think there’s a young Mortimer in the
world again.”
I was so much engaged with my own feelings, that I did not notice how
much the young people were taking it. When I did come to myself a
little, they were standing rather irresolute, that pretty young Milly
Mortimer looking at me in a kind of longing, reluctant way, either as if
she could not take me at my word, or had something on her mind. As for
her husband, he was looking at me too, but with a full eager look, which
I understood in a moment; his lip trembling and swelling out a little,
his eyes full, his whole face telling its story. When he caught my eye
he turned his look upon her, and then back to me again. Do you think I
did not understand him? He said, “You will take care of my Milly?”
clearer than he could have said it in a thousand words; and if my eyes
were slow to answer him, you may be sure it was no fault of will or
heart. Seeing she was shy to come to me, and recovering myself, I went
to the new Milly and kissed her. I can’t tell what a pleasure I took in
looking at her. She belonged to me--she was of our very own blood, come
from the same old forefathers. I thought nothing strange that I loved
her in a moment. It was not love at first sight, it was _natural
affection_. That makes a vast difference. Even Sara Cresswell was not
like a child of our own family. To think of another Milly Mortimer,
pretty, and happy, and young! such a Milly as I might have been perhaps,
but never was. I felt very happy in this child of my family. It was half
as good as having a child of one’s own.
Then they showed me some other books with poor Richard Mortimer’s name
in them, and his drawing of the Park, and Sarah getting on her horse.
Poor fellow! but I rather fear he could not have been any great things
of a man. I felt quite easy and light at my heart; nothing seemed to
frighten me. And the two young people even, in the little excitement,
forgot their own trouble, which was a comfort to me.
“But all this time, my dear,” said I, at length, “you have said nothing
about your brother. How did he get to be Italian,--and what did he mean
by asking about that lady--and why not come at once to the Park and say
out who he was?”
“My brother?” said the young wife, faltering; and gave a wondering look
at me, and then turned round, with a habit she seemed to have, to
consult her husband with her eyes; “my brother? I am afraid you have not
understood. Harry is----”
“I know what Harry is,” cried I; “don’t tell me about _him_. I mean your
brother--your brother. Why, dear, dear child, don’t you understand? I
met this man at the door of this very house--Mr. Luigi, you know as they
call him; of course he must belong to you.”
“Indeed,” said the new Milly, with very grave, concerned looks, “I never
spoke to him but once in my life; we don’t know anything about him. I
never had any brother; there were none but me.”
I don’t think I said anything at all in answer. I said nothing, so far
as I know, for a long time after. I sat stupified, feeling my burden all
the heavier because I had deluded myself into laying it off a little. Oh
me! we had found the heirs that Sarah had thought so much about; but the
cloud had not dissolved in this pleasant sunshine. Out of my
extraordinary sense of relief, I fell into darker despondency than ever.
He was not Milly Mortimer’s brother, nor anybody belonging to her. Who
could he be?
CHAPTER III.
I don’t know very well how I got to Mr. Cresswell’s house. I did manage
to get there somehow. I went listlessly through the old fashioned
streets I knew so well, and turned down upon that serious old house with
its brick front and rows of windows all covered with Venetian blinds. It
met the morning sun full, and that was why the blinds were down; but it
had a dismal effect upon me, as anything else would have had at that
moment. I know how the rooms look inside when the blinds are down; it
throws a chill into one’s heart that has known them put down for sadder
reasons. I went into the house in the same listless way, like a person
in a dream. Somehow I could not take any comfort in those dear young
creatures I had just found out. Mr. Luigi, whom I had not found out,
returned upon me like a nightmare. Was there no possible way in which
this mystery could be discovered? What if I sought an interview with
himself and put it to him fairly to tell me who he was? I went into Bob
Cresswell’s drawing-room, where the windows were open and the sunshine
slanting in through the Venetian blinds. It was rather dark, but a green
pleasant darkness, the wind stirring the curtains, and now and then
knocking the wood of the blinds softly against the woodwork of the
window; a cheerful kind of gloom. Sara’s knick-knacks lay scattered
about everywhere on the tables, and there were cushions, and ottomans,
and screens, and fantastic pieces of ornamental work about, enough to
have persuaded a stranger that Sara was the most industrious person in
the world. The creature bought them all, you know, at fancy fairs and
such absurd places. I am not sure that she ever took a needle in her
fingers; but she said herself she had not the slightest intention of
saving her poor papa’s money; and indeed it was very true.
I was thankful to sit down by myself a little in the silence. Sara was
out, it appeared, and I threw myself into an easy-chair, and actually
felt the quietness and green-twilight look of the room, with just a
touch of sunshine here and there upon the carpet near the windows, a
comfort to me. Once again, as you may suppose, I thought it all over;
but into the confused crowd of my own thoughts, where Sarah, Carson, Mr.
Luigi, his fat servant, my new-found Milly Mortimer, and all her
belongings, kept swaying in and out and round about each other, there
came gleams of the other people suggested by this room;--Mr. Cresswell
trying to make some light out of the confusion, Sara darting about, a
mischievous, bewildering little sprite, and even, by some strange
incoherency of my imagination, Sara’s poor pretty young mother, dead
seventeen years ago, flickering about it, with her melancholy young
eyes. Poor sweet lonely creature! I remember her a bride in that very
room, with Bob Cresswell who might almost have been her father, very
fond, but not knowing a bit what to make of her; and then lying helpless
on the sofa, and then fading away out of sight, and the place that had
known her knowing her no more. Ah me! I wonder whether that is not the
best way of getting an end put to all one’s riddles. If Sarah and I had
died girls, we should have been girls for ever,--pleasant shadows always
belonging to the old house. Now it would be different, very different.
When we were gone, what story might be told about us? “In their time
something dreadful occurred about the succession, proving that they had
never any right to the estate;” or “the great lawsuit began between the
heirs of a younger branch and a supposed son of Squire Lewis.” Dear!
dear! Who could this young man be? and now here was our real relation,
our pretty Milly Mortimer--our true heir, if we were the true heirs of
the estate. Dare I let her believe herself the heir of the Park with
this mystery hanging over all our heads? Poor dear child, she was
thinking more about her husband’s marching orders than if a hundred
Parks had been in her power. Trouble there, trouble here; everywhere
trouble of one sort or another. I declare I felt very tired of it all,
sitting in that cool shady drawing-room. I could turn nowhere without
finding some aggravation. This is how life serves us, though it seems
such a great thing to keep in life.
“But, godmamma, how in all the world did you come here?” cried Sara
Cresswell, springing upon me suddenly, before I had seen her come in,
like a kitten as she was; “you who never come to Chester but in great
state, to call upon people! It’s only one o’clock, and there’s no
carriage about the streets, and you’ve got your old brown dress on. How
_did_ you get here?”
“Never mind, child,” said I, a little sharply; “you take away my
breath. Suppose you get me some lunch, and don’t ask any questions. I am
going to stay all day, perhaps all night,” I said with a little
desperation; “perhaps it’s the best thing I could do.”
“Godmamma, something has happened!” cried Sara; and she came and knelt
down on the stool at my feet, looking up in my face, with cheeks all
crimsoned over, and eyes sparkling brighter than I had ever seen them.
It was not anxiety but positive expectation that flushed the child’s
face. I could not help thrusting her away from me with my hand, in the
fulness of my heart.
“Child!” cried I, “you are glad! you think something has happened to us,
and it flushes you with pleasure. I did not expect as much from you!”
Sara stumbled up to her feet, confused and affronted. She stood a moment
irresolute, not sure, apparently, how to take it, or whether to show me
to the full extent how angry and annoyed she was. However, I suppose she
remembered that we were in her father’s house, and that I was her guest
after a fashion; for she stammered some kind of apology. “You took me
into your confidence before, and naturally I wanted to know,” cried the
child, with half-subdued fury. She had never been taught how to manage
her temper, and she could not do it when she tried.
“You,” said I, “we are your godmothers, Sara, and have loved you all
your life; but you want to know, just as if it were a story in a
novel--though, for all you can tell, it may be something that involves
our fortune, or our good name, or our life.”
Now this was very foolish of me, and I confess it. It was not anger at
Sara that made me say it--nothing of the sort. But I had come through a
good deal, and my mind was so full that I could bear no more. It burst
from me like something I could not retain, and after that I am ashamed
to confess, I cried. It was merely the excitement and agitation of the
day, so unusual to me, and coming after such a long strain of silent
excitement as I had already come through.
Sara stood before me confounded. She was quite unprepared for anything
of this kind. She kept standing by me in a bewildered way, too much
puzzled to say anything. At length she knelt down on the footstool and
pressed my hand upon her little soft mouth. “Something dreadful has
happened, godmamma?” said Sara, looking up at me wistfully. The poor
child was really alarmed and full of anxiety now.
“No, no,” said I, “nothing has happened at all. I am only too nervous
and alarmed and unhappy to bear speaking to. I am not unhappy either.
Sara, child, can’t you leave me by myself a little and order luncheon?
I’ll tell you all about it then.”
Sara got up immediately to do what I told her; but before she left me
stole her arm round my neck and kissed me. “I have got a secret to tell
you, godmamma; you’ll be so glad when you know,” whispered the creature
in my ear. Glad! I suppose it would be some of her love affairs,--some
deluded young man she was going to marry, perhaps. Well! so I might have
been glad, in a manner, if it were a suitable match, and she had taken
any other time to tell me; but you may fancy how much happiness I had to
spare for anybody now.
It may be imagined that my appetite was not very great in spite of my
anxiety about luncheon, but I certainly was glad to have a glass of Mr.
Cresswell’s nice Madeira after all my fatigue and exhaustion. Sara and I
sat opposite to each other in the dining-room, where the blinds were
down also, without saying much for some time. She was watching me I
could see. There she sat very demure and a little anxious, in her velvet
jacket, shaking her short curls, now and then, with an impatient kind of
motion. I was glad to see that kitten have so much perception of the
rights of hospitality; for she allowed me to take my time, and did not
torture me with questions, so that I really got the good of this little
interval, and was refreshed.
“I ought to be very happy instead of being so nervous and
uncomfortable,” cried I at last; “for only fancy, my dear child, who I
have found. Do you remember when you were at the Park hearing your
godmamma Sarah speak of an heir whom she wanted your papa to advertise
for? Well, what do you think, Sara? I have actually found her! for she
is not an heir but an heiress. What your godmamma Sarah will say when
she hears it, I can’t think; for she has never been advertised for, you
know. She has turned up ‘quite promiscuous,’ as Ellis says.”
“Oh!--so you know!” said Sara, in quite a disappointed tone; “and I
thought I had such a secret for you. Well, of course, since you do know,
it doesn’t matter; they’re coming here to-night.”
“My dear, I know they are coming here to-night. They told me so; and
your papa is to go over the whole, and make it all out how it is. Ah,
dear me!” said I with a sigh, “if that were but all!”
“Dear godmamma,” said Sara in her coaxing way, “are you not glad? I
thought you would certainly be glad to find another Milly Mortimer; but
you’ve got something on your mind.”
“Ah, yes, I have something on my mind,” said I. “Sara, child, I don’t
know what to do with myself. I must see this Mr. Luigi before I go
home.”
“You can’t, godmamma; he is not in Chester,” cried Sara, with a sudden
blush. “As soon as he found out--the very next morning at least--he went
away to fetch some things he had left behind.”
“Found out what?”
Sara put her hands together with a childish appealing motion. “Indeed, I
do not know--indeed, dear godmamma, I do not know. If you think it wrong
of me to have spoken to him, I am very sorry, but I can’t help it. I met
him at Mrs. Langham’s, you know,--and he saw Sarah Mortimer written in
her book. And the next morning he met me,--I mean I met him--we happened
to meet in the street--and he told me he had found the clue he wanted,
and was going to fetch some things he had put for safety in London--and
I know he has not come back.”
“How do you know he has not come back?” said I.
Sara thought I was thinking of her, and the child blushed and looked
uneasy; I observed as much, but I did not till long afterwards connect
it with Mr. Luigi. I was too impatient to know about himself.
“Because I should have seen him,” said Sara, faltering. It did not come
into my head to inquire why she was so sure she would have seen him. My
thoughts were occupied about my own business. I groaned in my heart over
her words. Not yet was I to discover this mystery. Not yet was I to
clear my mind of the burden which surely, surely, I could not long go on
bearing. _It_ must come to an end, or me.
CHAPTER IV.
After what Sara had told me I felt in great doubt as to what I should
do. Staying in Chester, even for a night, was against my habits, and
might make people talk. Ellis, of course, would be very wise over it
among the servants, and the chances were that it might alarm Sarah; but
at the same time I could not return there in the same state of
uncertainty. I could not meet her face again, and see her going on with
her knitting in that dreadful inhuman way. Having once broken out of my
patience, it seemed to me quite impossible to return to it. I felt as if
I could only go and make a scene with Sarah, and demand to know what it
was, and be met by some cruel cold denial that she understood anything
about it, which would, of course,--feeling sure that she understood it
all, but having no sure ground on which I could contradict her,--put me
half out of my senses. On the whole, staying in Chester all night could
do no harm. If Ellis talked about it, and pretended that he knew quite
well what I had gone about, I dare say it was no more than he had done
already, and would be very well inclined to do again. One must always
pay the penalty for having faithful old servants, and, really, if my
absence frightened Sarah, so much the better. She ought not to be
allowed to go on placidly congratulating herself on having shut out this
poor young man. If we were wronging him, what a cruel, cruel, miserable
thing it was of Sarah to be glad of having balked him and driven him
away! It is dreadful to say such things of one’s own only sister, but
one does get driven out of patience. Think of all I had come through,
and the dreadful doubt hanging over me! I had kept very quiet for a long
time and said nothing to nobody; but now that I had broken out, I fear I
was in rather an unchristian state of mind.
All that afternoon I kept quiet, and rested behind the green blinds in
Mr. Cresswell’s half-lighted drawing-room. How Sara ever has got into
the way of enduring that half light I can’t imagine; or rather I should
say I don’t believe she uses this room at all, but has the back
drawing-room, where the window is from which she could see down into the
poor curate’s rooms, and watch his wife dressing the baby, as she told
me long ago. You can see the street, too from an end window in that back
drawing-room; perhaps that is how she would have known if Mr. Luigi had
come back, for I am pretty sure, from the glimpses I had when the doors
opened, that the blinds were not down _there_. She received her visitors
in the back drawing-room that afternoon. I heard them come and go, with
their dresses rustling about, and their fresh young voices. Of course I
neither heard nor listened what they were talking of; but dear, to hear
how eager the creatures were in their talk! as if it were anything of
any consequence. I sat with that hum now and then coming to my ears,
bewildering myself with my own fancies. If I could have read a book or a
paper, or given my mind to anything else, it would have been a deal
better for me; but my disorder of mind, you see, had come to a crisis,
and I was obliged to let it take its way.
It was not without a good deal of difficulty and embarrassment that Mr.
Cresswell and I met. He was a little uncomfortable himself with the same
feelings he had shown a spark of at the Park, and unduly anxious to let
me see that he had lost no time in inquiring about the Langhams,--that
was the name of the young people,--as soon as he heard of them, and had
meant to come out to us next day and tell us the result. For my part, I
was a great deal more embarrassed than he was. I could scarcely help
letting him see that this new heiress was a very small part of my
excitement and trouble; indeed, had no share in the trouble at all, for
as much as I could give my mind to think of her, was pure pleasure; but
at the same time my heart revolted from telling him my real difficulty.
He, I dare say, had never once connected the young Italian, whom
everybody in Chester knew something about, with us or our family; and I
was so perfectly unable to say what it was I feared, that a shrewd
precise man like Cresswell would have set it down at once merely as a
woman’s fancy. At the same time, you know, I was quite unpractised in
the art of concealing my thoughts. I betrayed to him, of course, a
hundred times that I had something on my mind. I dare say he remembered
from the time of our last interview that I looked to have something on
my mind, and he made a great many very skilful efforts to draw it out.
He talked of Sarah, with private appeals to me in the way of looks and
cunning questions to open my mind about her; and, to tell the truth, it
cost me a little self-denial, after we really got into conversation, not
to say something, and put his shrewdness on the scent. I dare say he
might have worried out the secret somehow or another; but I did not
commit myself. I kept my own counsel closely, to his great surprise. I
could see he went away baffled when it was nearly time for dinner. And
he was not at all pleased to be baffled either, or to think that I was
too many for him. I felt sure now I should have to be doubly on my
guard, for his pride was piqued to find it all out.
I can’t tell anybody what a comfort it was to my heart when my new Milly
Mortimer came. If the two had been very bright and elate about finding
themselves heirs to a great estate I might have been disgusted, glad as
I was to know about them; for, to be sure, one does not like one’s heirs
to be _very_ triumphant about wealth they can only have after one’s own
death. But something more than houses or lands was in that young
creature’s mind. She was wonderfully steady and cheerful, but never for
a moment lost out of her eyes what was going to happen to her. It was
not mere sympathy, you know, that made me know so well how she was
feeling, for, to be sure, I never was in her circumstances nor anything
like them; it was because I was her relation, and had a natural insight
into her mind. I don’t believe Sara had the least perception of it. When
we came upstairs after dinner, leaving that fine young soldier, whom
really I felt quite proud of, with Mr. Cresswell, this came out
wonderfully, and in a way that went to my heart. Sara, who was extremely
affectionate to her, set her in an easy chair and brought her a
footstool, and paid her all those caressing little attentions which such
kittens can be so nice about when they please. “I am so glad you have
come to know my godmamma just now,” said Sara, kissing her, “because she
will know to comfort you when Mr. Langham goes away.”
My Milly said nothing for a moment; she rather drew herself away from
Sara’s kiss. She did not lean back, but sat upright in her chair, and
put away the stool with her foot. “I am a soldier’s wife,” she said the
next minute in the most unspeakable tone, with a kind of sob that did
not sound, but only _showed_, in a silent heave of her breast. Ah, the
dear child! have not soldiers’ wives a good call to be heroes too? I
drew Sara away from her in a sort of passion; that velvet creature with
her sympathy and her kisses, when the other was hanging on the edge of
such a parting! If one could do nothing for the sweet soul, one might
have the charity to leave her alone.
But after a while I drew Milly into talking of herself, for I was
naturally anxious to know all about her, and where she had been brought
up, and how she had found out that she belonged to us. We all knew that
young Langham and Mr. Cresswell were going over the papers that her
husband had brought with him, and setting it all straight; but as I
never had any doubt from the moment I saw those books of hers, I was
much more anxious to know from Milly herself how she had spent her life.
She told us with a little reserve about her Irish friends and her odd
bringing up, and then how she had met with Harry. She told you all about
that herself, I know, a great deal better than I could repeat it, and
fuller, too, than she told us. But when she got fully into that story,
she could not help forgetting herself and the present circumstances a
little. Sara sat on a stool before her, with her hands clasped on her
knees, devouring every word. Certainly Sara took a wonderful interest in
it. I never saw her so entirely carried away by interest and sympathy.
When Milly was done, the creature jumped up and defied me.
“You couldn’t blame her; you couldn’t have the heart to blame her! It
was just what she ought to have done!” cried Sara, with her face in such
a commotion, all shining, and blushing, and dewy with tears. I was
confounded by her earnest looks. It was very interesting, certainly, but
there was nothing to transport her into such a little rapture as that.
“Child, be quiet,” said I; “you are determined to do me some harm,
surely. I don’t blame Milly. She thought she had nobody belonging to
her, though she was mistaken there. My dear, you have one old woman
belonging to you that will expect a great deal, I can tell you. I can
feel somehow, as if it might have been me you were telling of, if I had
ever been as pretty or as young----”
“Godmamma, such nonsense!” cried Sara; “you must have been as young
once; and if you were not far prettier than godmamma Sarah, I will never
believe my eyes!”
“Your godmamma Sarah was a great beauty,” said I; “but that is nothing
to the purpose. If I had ever been as young and as pretty as this Milly
Mortimer, I might have fallen in with a Harry too, who knows? and it
might not have been any the better for you, my dear child; so it’s just
as well that things are as they are. But, all the same, I can’t help
thinking that it might have been my story you’re telling. There’s a
great deal in a name, whatever people may say. I shall think the second
Milly is to go through all the things the first Milly only wondered
about. I never had any life of my own to speak of. You have one already.
I shall think I have got hold of that life, that always slipped through
my fingers, when I see you going through with it. I shall never feel
myself an odd person again.”
“Ah! but life is not happiness,” burst from my poor Milly’s lips in
spite of herself; then she hastily drew up again: “I mean it is not
play,” she said, after a while.
“If it were play, it would be for children; it is heavy work and sore,”
cried I; “that much I know, you may be sure; but then there are words
said, that one can never forget, about him that endureth to the end.”
Such words were comfort to _me_; but not just to that young creature in
the intolerable hope and anguish she had in her heart. She was not
thinking of any end; I was foolish to say it; and after all I knew more
of life than she did--far more! and knew very well it did not spring on
by means of heartbreaking events like the parting she was thinking of,
or joyful ones like the meeting again which already she had set all her
heart and life on, but crept into days and days like the slow current it
had been to me. Sara, however, as was natural, was impatient of this
talk. I believe she had something on her mind too.
“You do not blame your Milly, godmamma?” she cried, a little spitefully;
“but I suppose you would blame any other poor girl; as if people were
always to do what was told them, and like such people as they were
ordered to like! You old people are often very cruel. Of course you
would blame every one else in the world?”
“I should certainly blame _you_,” cried I, “if you should venture to
think you might deceive your good father, that never denied you anything
in his life. You velvet creature, what do you know about it? You never
had an unkind word said to you, nor the most foolish wish in your little
perverse heart denied. If you were to do such a thing, I could find it
in my heart to lock you up in a garret and give you bread and water. It
would not be a simple-hearted young creature with every excuse in the
world for her, but a little cheat and traitor, and unnatural little
deceiver. There! you are a wicked creature, but you are not so bad as
that. If you said it yourself I should not believe it of you!”
But to my amazement the child stood aghast, too much dismayed,
apparently, to be angry, and faltered out, “Believe what?” with her
cheeks suddenly growing so pale that she frightened me. The next moment
she had rushed into the back drawing-room, and from thence
disappeared,--for I went to look after her,--fairly flying either from
herself or me. I was entirely confounded. I could not tell what to make
of it. Was little Sara in a mystery too?
“If I am betraying Sara, I am very sorry,” said Milly, when I looked to
her for sympathy; “but I fear, though they don’t know it themselves,
that she and the Italian gentleman are thinking more of each other,
perhaps, than they ought.”
She had scarcely finished speaking when Sara returned, dauntless and
defiant. “I rushed away to see whether your note had gone to godmamma
Sarah,” said the daring creature, actually looking into my very eyes. “A
sudden dreadful thought struck me that it had been forgotten. But it is
all right, godmamma; and now I think we might have some tea.”
CHAPTER V.
The gentlemen came upstairs looking very cheerful and friendly, so of
course everything had been satisfactory in their conversation. After a
little while Mr. Cresswell came to tell me all about it. He said the
papers seemed all quite satisfactory, and he had no doubt Mrs. Langham
was really Richard Mortimer’s daughter, the nearest, and indeed only
relation, on the Mortimer side of the house, that we had in the world.
“I have no doubt about it,” said I; “but I am very glad, all the same,
to have it confirmed. Now, my dear child, you know that we belong to
each other. My sister and I are, on your father’s side, the only
relations you have in the world.”
Milly turned round to receive the kiss I gave her, but trembled and
looked as if she dared not lift her eyes to me. Somehow I believe that
idea which brightened her husband, came like a cold shadow between her
and me, the thought that I would take care of her when he was away. It
was very unreasonable, to be sure; but, dear, dear, it was very natural!
I did not quarrel with her for the impulse of her heart.
“But softly, softly, my dear lady,” said Mr. Cresswell; “the papers all
_seem_ very satisfactory, I admit; but the ladies are always jumping at
conclusions. I shall have to get my Irish correspondent to go over the
whole matter, and test it, step by step. Not but that _I_ am perfectly
satisfied; but nobody can tell what may happen. A suit might arise, and
some of these documents might be found to have a flaw in it. We must be
cautious, very cautious, in all matters of succession.”
“A suit! Why, wouldn’t Richard Mortimer, if he were alive, be
heir-at-law? Who could raise a suit?” cried I.
I suppose he saw that there was some anxiety in my look which I did not
express; and, to be sure, he owed me something for having thwarted and
baffled him. “There is no calculating what mysterious claimant might
appear,” said Mr. Cresswell, quite jauntily. “I heard somebody say, not
very long ago, that all the romance now-a-days came through the hands
of conveyancers and attorneys. My dear lady, leave it to me; I
understand my own business, never fear.”
I felt as if a perfect fever possessed me for the moment. My pulse beat
loud, and my ears rang and tingled. “What mysterious claimant could
there be to the Park?” I cried. I betrayed myself. He saw in a moment
that this was the dread that was on my mind.
“Quite impossible to say. I know no loophole one could creep in
through,” he said, with a little shrug of his shoulders and a pretended
laugh. “But these things defy all probabilities. It is best to make
everything safe for our young friends here.”
Now this, I confess, nettled me exceedingly; for though we had taken so
much notice of his daughter, and had lived so quietly for many years,
neither Sarah nor I had ever given up the pretensions of the Mortimers
to be one of the first families in the county. And to hear an attorney
speaking of “our young friends here,” as if they were falling heirs to
some old maiden lady’s little bit of property! I was very much
exasperated.
“It seems to me, Mr. Cresswell, that you make a little mistake,” said I.
“Our family is not in such a position that its members could either be
lost or found without attracting observation. In a different rank of
life such things might happen; but the Mortimers, and all belonging to
them, are too well known among English families, if I am not mistaken,
to allow of _any_ unknown connections turning up.”
Mr. Cresswell immediately saw that he had gone too far, and he muttered
a kind of apology and got out of it the best way he could. I drew back
my chair a little, naturally indignant. But Cresswell, whose father and
his father’s father had been the confidential agents of our family, who
knew very well what we had been, and what we _were_ whenever we chose to
assert ourselves,--to think of him, a Chester attorney, patronising our
heirs and successors! You may imagine I had a good right to be angry,
and especially as I could see he was quite pluming himself on his
cleverness in finding out what was in my mind. He thought it was a whim
that had taken possession of me, no doubt,--a kind of monomania. I could
even see, as he thought it all quietly over by himself over his cup of
tea, what a smile came upon his face.
Young Langham, however, just then contrived to gain my attention. He did
it very carefully, watching his opportunities when Milly was not looking
at him, or when he thought she was not looking at him. “I am heartily
glad to have found you out now, of all times,” said the young man.
“Milly would not have gone to her relations in Ireland, and I have no
relations. She will be very lonely when we are gone. Poor Milly! It is a
hard life I have brought her into, and she so young.”
“You are not much older yourself,” said I; “and if you children bring
such trouble on yourselves, you must be all the braver to bear it. I
doubt if she’d change with Sara Cresswell at this moment, or any other
unmarried young creature in the world.”
The young man looked up at me gratefully. “I can’t tell you how good she
is,” he said, in his simplicity. “She never breaks down nor complains of
anything. I don’t understand how she has saved and spared our little
means and made them do; but she has, somehow. Now, though she’s pale
with thinking of this--don’t you think she’s pale? but I forgot, you
never saw her before--she has set all her mind upon my outfit, and will
hear of nothing else. I wish it were true what the books say. I wish
one’s young wife would content herself with thoughts of glory and
honour; indeed, I wish one could do as much one’s self,” said the good
young fellow, with a smile and sigh. “I fear I am only going, for
instance, because I must go; and that I’ll cast many a look behind me on
my Milly left alone. She’s just twenty,” he said, with an affectionate
look at her which brought her eyes upon us and our conversation, and
interrupted so far the confidential character of the interview between
him and me.
“Say nothing about it just now,” said I, hurriedly, “it only vexes her
to hear you talk of what she is to do; leave her alone, dear soul--but
at the same time don’t be afraid. The very day you go I’ll fetch her to
the Park. She shall be our child while you are away--and it is to the
Park you shall come when you come home. But say nothing about it now.
She cannot bear to think of it at present. When the worst is over she’ll
breathe again. Hush! don’t let her hear us now!”
“But you know her, though you don’t know her,” said he, under his
breath, with a half-wondering grateful look at me that quite restored my
good-humour. I remember I nodded at him cheerfully. Know her! I should
like to know who had as good a right! These young creatures can’t
understand how many things an old woman knows.
Here Milly came up to us, a little jealous, thinking somehow we were
plotting against her. “Harry is talking to you of something?” she said,
with a little hesitation in her voice.
“On the subject we both like best, just now,” said I. “But I wish you
both to go with me to the Park. You can manage it, can you not? The dear
baby, and the little nurse, and--but the fat Italian? Ah! he doesn’t
belong to you.
“No! he was in great triumph to-night; his master has come home,” said
young Langham. “He does not belong to us; but he is a devoted slave of
Milly’s for all that.”
“His master came home to-night!” I repeated the words over to myself
involuntarily; and then a sudden thought struck me in the feverish
impulse which came with that news. “Children,” said I, with a little
gasp, “it is deeply to all our interest to know who that young man is. I
can never rest, nor take comfort in anything till I know. Will you try
to have him with you to-morrow, and I will come and speak to him? Hush!
neither the Cresswells nor anybody is to know; it concerns only us
Mortimers. Will you help me to see him at your house?”
“You are trembling,” said Milly, suddenly taking hold of my hand. “Tell
Harry what it is and he will do it. He is to be trusted; but it will
agitate you.”
“I cannot tell Harry, for I do not know,” said I, below my breath,
leaning heavily upon the arm, so firm and yet so soft, that had come to
my aid. “But I will take Harry’s support and yours. It shall be in your
house. Whatever is to be said shall be said before you. Thank heaven! if
I do get agitated and forget myself you will remember what he says.”
“It is something that distresses you?” said the young stranger, once
more looking into my face, not curious but wistful. I should have been
angry had Sara Cresswell asked as much. I was glad and comforted to see
Milly anxious on my account.
“I cannot tell what it is; but whatever it is, it is right that you
should know all about it,” said I. “For anything I can tell you it may
interfere both with your succession and ours. I can’t tell you anything
about it, that is the truth! I know no more than your baby does how Mr.
Luigi can have any connection with our family; but he has a connection
somehow--that is all I know. To-morrow, to-morrow, please God! we’ll try
to find out what it is.”
The two young people were a good deal startled by my agitation;
perhaps, as was natural, they were also moved by the thought of another
person who might interfere with the inheritance that had just begun to
dazzle their eyes; but as I leaned back in my chair, exhausted with the
flutter that came over me at the very thought of questioning Mr. Luigi,
my eyes fell upon Mr. Cresswell, still sipping a cup of tea, and quietly
watching me over the top of his spectacles; and at the same moment Sara
came in from the back drawing-room with great agitation and excitement
in her face. I could see that she scarcely could restrain herself from
coming to me and telling me something; but with a sudden guilty glance
at her father, and a sudden unaccountable blush, she stole off into a
corner, and, of all the wonderful things in the world, produced actually
_some work_ out of some fantastic ornamental work-table or other! That
was certainly a new development in Sara. But I could read in her face
that she had seen him too. She too had somehow poked her curls into this
mystery. All around me, everybody I looked at, were moved by it, into
curiosity or interest, or something deeper--I, the principal person in
the business, feeling them all look at me, could only feel the more that
I was going blindfold to, I could not tell what danger or precipice.
Blindfold! but at least it should be straightforward. I knew that much
of the to-morrow, which it made me tremble with excitement to think of;
but I knew nothing more.
PART VI.
THE LIEUTENANT’S WIFE.
(_Continued._)
CHAPTER I.
My dear old relation whom we have found out so suddenly, and whom I am
quite ashamed to have once thought to be a kind of usurper of something
that belonged to me, has been too much distressed and troubled
altogether about this business to have the trouble of writing it down as
well; and I have so little, so strangely little, to take up my time just
now. The days are somehow all blank, with nothing ever happening in
them. In my mind I can always see the ship making way over the sea, with
the same rush of green water, and the same low-falling, quiet sky, and
no other ships in sight. It has been very quiet weather--that is a great
mercy. They should be almost landed there by this time.
But that is not my business just now. My dear Aunt Milly--it is true she
is only my father’s cousin, but cousin is an awkward title between
people of such different age, and, according to Sara Cresswell, she is
my aunt, _à la mode de Bretagne_, which I don’t mind adopting without
any very close inquiry into its meaning--made an engagement with us to
come to our house the next morning after that first day we met her.
Harry came home from the Cresswells that night in raptures with Aunt
Milly. It was rather hard upon me to see him so pleased. Of course I
knew very well what made him so pleased. He thought he had secured a
home for me. He was never tired praising her in his way. I am not
exactly sure whether she herself would have relished the praises he gave
her, because he has a sad habit of talking slang like all the rest. But
apart from any reason, he _took to her_, which it is a great pleasure to
think of now. When we got home Mr. Luigi’s window was blazing with light
just as it had done when he returned before; for Domenico seems to be
quite of the opinion that candles are articles of love and welcome as
well as of devotion. Harry, who had quite made acquaintance with the
Italian gentleman when he was at home before, went in to see him, and I
went upstairs to baby. I used to take comfort in getting by myself a
little, just at that time. Ten minutes in my own room in the dark did me
a great deal of good. When one takes an opportunity and gets it out of
one’s heart now and then, one can go on longer and better--at least I
have found it so.
Lizzie, always watchful, was very ready to let me hear that she was
close at hand. The moment she heard me open my own room-door, she began
to move about in the back apartment where she kept watch over baby, and
I do believe it was only by dint of strong self-denial that she did not
burst in upon me at once. I can’t fancy what she thought would happen if
I “gave way.” It must have taken some very terrible shape to her fancy.
After I had my moment of repose, I went to baby’s room. He was asleep
like a little cherub in Mrs. Goldsworthy’s old wicker-work cradle, which
I had trimmed with chintz for him; and Lizzie sat by the table working,
but looking up at me with her sharp suspicious eyes--sidelong
inquisitive looks, full of doubts of my fortitude, and anxiety for me.
It was all affection, poor child. When one has affectionate creatures
about one, it is impossible to be hard or shut one’s self up. I had no
choice but to stop and tell Lizzie about my new friend.
“Oh, it was thon leddy was at the muckle gates, and warned us away for
the kingcough,” cried Lizzie; “I minded her the very moment at the door.
I was sure as could be from the first look that it was some friend.”
“Some friend,” in Lizzie’s language meant some relation. I asked in
wonder, “Why?”
But Lizzie could not explain why; it was one of those unreasonable
impressions which are either instinctively prophetic, or which are
adopted unconsciously after the event has proved them true.
“But you were never slow where help was needed or comfort,” said Lizzie,
dropping her eyes and ashamed of her own compliment; “and I kent there
was somebody to be sent to comfort _you_; and wha could it be but a
friend? For naebody could take you like the way you took me.”
I suppose Lizzie’s view of things, being the simplest, had power over
me. I was struck by this way of regarding it. Perhaps I had not just
been thinking of what was _sent_. I felt as if that tight binding over
my heart relaxed a little. Ah! so well as the Sender knew all about
it--all my loneliness, dismay, and troubles; all my Harry’s risks and
dangers; all our life beyond--inscrutable dread life which I dared not
attempt to look at--and everything that was in it. I held my breath, and
was silent in this wide world that opened out to me through Lizzie’s
words.
“And eh, mem,” cried Lizzie, opening her eyes wide, “I was sent for down
the stair.”
“Where?” cried I in astonishment.
“I was sent for down the stair,” said Lizzie, with the oddest blush and
twist of her person. “Menico, he’s aye been awfu’ ill at me since I
wouldna gang to the playhouse after it was a’ settled--as if I could
gang to play mysel’ the very day the news came! and eh, when he came up
and glowered in at the door, and Mrs. Goldsworthy beside him, and no a
person but me in _oor_ house, I was awfu’ feared. Her being English,
they were like twa foreigners thegither; and how was I to ken what they
were wantin’? The only comfort I had was mindin’ upon the Captain’s
sword. It was aye like a protection. But a’ they said was that Mrs.
Goldsworthy would stop beside baby, and I was to gang down the stair and
speak to the gentleman. I thought shame to look as if I was feared--but
I was awfu’ feared for a’ that.”
“And what then?”
“I had to gang,” said Lizzie, holding down her head; “_he_ was sleeping
sound, and I kent I could hear the first word of greetin’ that was in
his head; _I_ could hear in ony corner o’ the house; and Mrs.
Goldsworthy gied me her word she would sit awfu’ quiet and not disturb
him. Eh, mem, are ye angry? I never did it afore, and I’ll never do it
again.”
“No, you must not do it again,” said I; “but who wanted you downstairs?”
“Eh, it was the Italian gentleman,” said Lizzie; “and it was a’ about
the leddy that was here the day. He wanted to ken if she was wanting
_him_; and then he wanted to hear if I kent her, and what friend she was
to you; but it was mostly a’ to make certain that it wasn’t _him_ she
wanted--as if a leddy like yon was likely to have ony troke wi’
foreigners or strange men! and there was aye the other blatter to
Menico in their ain language--and ower again, and ower again to me, if
it wasna _him_ she asked for. And me standing close at the door
listening for baby, and thinking shame to be there, and awfu’ feared you
would be angry. I would like to ken what the like of him had to do wi’
leddies?--and Menico, too, that might have kent better--but there’s
naebody will behave to please folk perfect in this world.”
“But this is very strange news,” said I. “What did you say, Lizzie? did
you say it was Miss Mortimer, and that she was a relation of mine.”
“Eh, no me!” cried Lizzie. “Ye might think it to see me so silly, but I
wasna that daft. I said it was ane on a visit to the leddy. _I_ had nae
ado with it ony mair than that, and I’m sure neither had he.”
Here Harry’s voice sounded from below, calling me, and I left Lizzie
somewhat amused by her cautious and prudent answer, and not a little
curious to see that the Italian was interested about the old lady as
well as she about him. I found Harry quite full of the same story. Mr.
Luigi had questioned him with great caution about Miss Mortimer, and of
course had heard the entire story from Harry of our relationship, and
how we found each other out. He had received it very quietly, without
expressing any feeling at all, and had asked some very close questions
about her and about the Park, and her other sister. Harry could not make
him out. Of course neither of us knew the other sister. Evidently it was
a mysterious business somehow. But as we knew nothing whatever about it,
we soon came to an end of our speculations. The morning, perhaps, as
Aunt Milly thought, would clear it all up.