Says Poet to Parson--To save men from drinking,
Not many religions are good to my thinking;
To be sure a good Baptist a man of true grace is,
But a Hard Shell, my brother's the hardest of cases.
Your Shouter's too noisy for temperance talking,
Your Come-outer too harsh for right temperate walking.
A Quaker's not steady enough on his beam-ends,
And a Shaker is bad for _delirium tremens_.
But of all the hard drinkers religion has warmed,
To my mind the most hopeful's the _German Reformed_.
* * * * *
[Illustration: THE PET DOGS OF NEW-YORK PRESENT THEIR COMPLIMENTS, WITH
THE ABOVE CUT, TO MR. BERGH, AND REQUEST THAT HE WILL CUR-TAIL THE
SPORTS OF THOUGHTLESS CHILDREN WHO INSIST UPON PLAYING AT "HORSE" WITH
THEM.]
* * * * *
Logical.
One PULLMAN, who preaches the "milk of the word," (not without gin,
PUNCHINELLO supposes,) declares that the BIBLE is full of lies. Well,
according to his own view of it, PULLMAN must be full of Scripture.
* * * * *
The Real Fact.
Mr. COLFAX, says the Cincinnati Gazette, intends to call his new-born
son CASABLANCA, the Vice-President having once "stood on a burning
deck," etc. PUNCHINELLO discovers a shrewder reason. The plain English
for Casablanca is White-House.
* * * * *
Concealed Weapons.
Detroit drunkards, says an exchange, use a stocking with a stone in it
to avoid arrest--just as if a hat "with a brick in it" were not enough!
* * * * *
Written With a Steal Pen.
So great is the habit among editors of cribbing from each other, that if
one were to write an article about an egg another would immediately
Poach it.
* * * * *
The Battle of Hastings.
The fight between the _Commercial Advertiser_ and THEODORE TILTON.
* * * * *
Triumphs of the Chisel.
The Wall street "busts." Good judges pronounce them Per Phidias.
* * * * *
What an Asthmatic Artist can not Draw.
A long breath.
* * * * *
"The American Working-woman's Union" Most Sought After.