THE CLOUDS CLEAR.
"Nor could he from his heart throw off
The consciousness of his state;
It was there with a dull, uneasy sense,
A coldness and a weight.
It was there when he lay down at night,
It was there when at morn he rose;
He feels it whatever he does,
It is with him wherever he goes.
No occupation from his mind
That constant sense can keep;
It is present in his waking hours,
It is present in his sleep."
SOUTHEY.
Mrs. Elrington could not resist Anne's pleading letter, but decided on
going at once to Brampton; her heart was too compassionate to refuse to
aid those in distress, and especially one who had ever held, as Amy had,
a high place in her esteem and love.
As soon as Anne received the answer so favourable to her wishes, she
prepared at once to return home, and went to Amy--not with the glad news
of the now expected guest, that she decided had best not be
mentioned--but to say good-bye, and a very sorrowful one she felt it.
Amy was sitting working in her own room, once poor Bertie's; her mind as
busily employed as her fingers, only more mournfully; when Anne burst
open the door in her usual hasty way.
"Here I am!" she said, "Did you expect to see me? Did you think I should
come to say good-bye?"
"How should I?" answered Amy, "I never knew you were going to-day, and I
am sorry to see you cloaked for your journey."
"And so am I; but Tom would not rest quiet without me any longer, so
dear, I must go; the pony chaise will be round directly, and yet I
should have liked to have sat with you for an hour or so before
leaving."
"Then why did you put off coming to see me until the last moment, Anne?"
"I did not know I was going until half an hour ago. How is that wretched
Frances? Will you say I had not time to stay and see her; I should so
hate--although, mind, I pity her with all my heart,--giving her a
sisterly embrace."
"But," said Amy, "What occasion is there for such a warm farewell?"
"Ah! thereby hangs a tale. The fact is I don't wish to see Frances
Strickland."
"Poor girl! She has suffered so much."
"I wonder you can find it in your heart to pity her; but you were always
an angel of goodness."
"You are wrong, Anne," sighed Amy, "and I think you should go and see
Miss Strickland."
"You are evidently in the dark, Amy; I thought Julia would have written
to you, and told you, as--she has me,--that she has been so stupid, so
foolish, as to engage herself to cousin Alfred, Frances' brother. Is it
not tiresome of her?"
"But the marriage will scarcely affect you, Anne?"
"Oh, but it will, though; for I had made up my mind Julia would be an
old maid; she always said she would, and come some day and look after my
children, if I ever have any," said Anne, blushing; "for I am sure I
should puzzle to know how to dress them, much less understand how to
manage them. Mamma says Aunt Mary--Mrs. Strickland--is very angry about
the marriage, so I really do think Julia ought to give it up."
"Why does your Aunt dislike it?"
"Because Julia is penniless and a nobody; meaning, I suppose, that
Alfred should marry some high born girl, who would, I have no doubt,
snub him in the end. But then it would be so nice for Aunt to say, 'My
daughter-in-law, Lady so-and-so-that was,' or the Earl of _somebody_,
my son's father-in-law. Instead of which she will only have to recall
the plain and _poor_ Miss Bennet, that was. Fancy Alfred coming to stay
with us in our nutshell!"
"I never thought Mr. Strickland gave himself airs," replied Amy.
"Nor does he. But it is disagreeable to see a man sitting over the fire
all day; or in summer time basking lazily in the sun."
"But Julia will probably change all that laziness and inaction. She is
full of life and work herself. I think _he_ has chosen well."
"Of course _he_ has; but I consider Julia to have sacrificed herself.
And now, do come down and see me off."
Amy put down her work and went.
"I shall see you again soon, Amy dear," said Anne, with tearful eyes, as
together they stood on the terrace. "Tom has promised to drive me over
some day next week, not entirely for his dear wife's sake though; but
because he has taken a great interest in some dreadful sinner in this
parish, and she as violent a liking to him. The old rector has given Tom
permission to visit her whenever he likes, glad enough, I dare say, to
be rid the trouble of it himself. Poor woman! she cannot live long--a
breaking up of nature, or something of that sort; but Mrs. Archer knows
more about it than I do."
"Anne! Anne! What are you talking about?" asked her husband, catching a
word here and there, of her rambling speech. "Come! jump in, the pony is
quite impatient to be off."
"And so is his master," laughed Anne; "we shall drive off in grand
style, and then dilly-dally for half-an-hour, or more, at the turnpike,
while he chats to his heart's content with Jane; that's the name of his
new friend, dear. There, I really must say good-bye, or perhaps Tom may
go without me." And almost smothering Amy with kisses she sprang down
the steps and in another moment was seated by her husband, and they
drove off.
A few hours after, Mrs. Elrington arrived at the Hall; but as she had
truly said, long ago, it was pain and grief to her to look on Mrs.
Linchmore's face again; and she leant heavily on Mr. Linchmore's arm, as
she passed from the carriage.
She paused a moment, as he would have led her into the drawing-room to
his wife; and pointing through the half-open door, said simply, "We meet
as strangers."
And so they did--the once adopted daughter and fondly-loved mother; but
it cost them _both_ an effort; for while Mrs. Elrington's hand trembled
and shook like an aspen on the top of the stick with which she steadied
her footsteps, Mr. Linchmore thought he had never seen his wife look
more proudly beautiful and magnificent.
Anne's letter represented Amy as heart-broken, not only with the loss of
her child, but sorrow stricken with the anxiety caused by the fresh
trial of her husband's illness. Anne said not a word of the _living_
grief consuming her heart, but Mrs. Elrington had not been many days at
Brampton ere she suspected it; that pale, sweet anxious face, so thin
and care-worn, told its own tale, with the faltering, uncertain step;
the mournful yet loving way with which she tended her husband now
rapidly approaching convalescence. How she anticipated his every wish.
Yet there was a hesitation, an uncertainty about it, all too evident to
a watchful eye; it seemed as though with her anxiety to please, there
was an evident fear of displeasing. Surely the wife needed the most care
and tenderness now: the first she had, but the latter, where was that?
Where the nameless attentions and thousand loving words her husband
might speak?
Mrs. Elrington saw with sorrow the coldness, and estrangement, that had
crept between the two. Was that fair young wife so recently
afflicted--so loving, so doubly bereaved at heart--to blame? or Robert?
Mrs. Elrington loved Amy, and could not sit silently by without risking
something to mend matters, so one day, when she and Robert were alone,
she spoke.
"I trust you are feeling stronger this morning, Mr. Vavasour?"
"Thank you. Yes, I am I believe, mending apace."
"I am glad of it, as I think your wife needs change, she is looking far
from well; the sooner you take her home the better."
"Bertie's death was a bitter trial; and she felt it deeply."
"Bitter, indeed, it must have been, to have changed her so utterly. She
is greatly altered since her marriage."
Robert Vavasour sighed.
"You are right," he replied. "I myself see the change, but without the
power to remedy it now."
"How so?" she asked.
"You say altered since her marriage. It is true; for when Amy married
she wilfully shut out from her heart all hopes of happiness."
"You speak in riddles, Mr. Vavasour, which I am totally unable to
comprehend."
"I am a rich man, Mrs. Elrington, and that alone might have tempted many
a girl, or led her to fancy she loved me."
Mrs. Elrington drew up her head proudly. "But not Amy Neville," she
replied, "no amount of wealth would have tempted her to marry a man she
did not care for."
"Care for," he repeated bitterly, "caring is not loving."
Mrs. Elrington had arrived at the bottom of the mystery now; he fancied
Amy did not love him! Amy who was devoting herself to him day after day,
never weary of, but only happy when she was in his sick room, nursing
and tending him as few wives would, treated so coldly, giving him all
the loving worship of her young heart; while he refused to believe in
it, but gloomily hugged the morbid fancy to his heart that she loved him
not.
Mrs. Elrington could have smiled at the delusion, if Amy's happiness had
not been at stake; as it was she replied gravely, "You are mistaken,
Mr. Vavasour, wilfully blind to what is openly apparent to all others
who ever see you and your wife together. Why I verily believe Amy
worships the very ground you stand on; but I fear no words of mine will
convince you of the fact, while the indifference with which you are
treating her is well-nigh breaking her heart."
No, Robert Vavasour was not convinced.
"She did not love me when she married me; her oath was false, she--" but
no, his pride refused to allow him to tell of her love for another.
"I cannot listen to this," replied Mrs. Elrington, rising, "whatever her
love may have been in the days you speak of, I am convinced Amy has
never acted falsely towards you since you called her wife; neither do I
believe there lives a man who _now_ claims or holds one thought of hers
from you. I am an old woman, Mr. Vavasour, and have seen a great deal of
sorrow, and one heart broken through the cruelty of another; let not
your wife's be so taken from you, but believe in her, trust in her,
watch over her as the apple of your eye, for indeed she needs and
demands all your love and tenderness; crush not the love that is even
now struggling in her heart, at your hardness and neglect, or take care
lest you build up a wall that you will find it impossible hereafter to
knock down, or when falling, will bury her you love beneath its ruins."
Robert's heart was strangely ill at ease and stirred by these words of
Mrs. Elrington's. Perhaps he began to fear that even if his wife loved
him not, he _had_ been unnecessarily hard and severe, and pitiless, very
pitiless and unloving. Might he not yet succeed in winning her love--the
only thing in the wide world that he coveted? But then again, the
thought that she had loved another, had cruelly deceived him, when he
had loved and trusted her so entirely, was gall and wormwood to him, and
turned his heart, when he thought of it, to stone. No; even allowing
that she might love him, he could never love her so passionately again.
So Vavasour thought, and so men and women have thought, and will think
again, as long as the world lasts, and yet, do what they will, the old
love _will_ come again, with all its old intensity, overthrowing all
their wise and determined resolutions.
Deep in thought, Vavasour sat, until the minutes crept into hours, and
then Mrs. Archer came, looking very different from the Mrs. Grey of old.
The frown had not, it is true, disappeared, but it had faded and given
way to a mild, happy expression pervading every feature of her face.
There was still a mournful look--how could it be otherwise?--the
mournful remembrance of the past; but even that was growing dim beside
the ever-living presence of her son, and of her love for him. She had
gained her wish, too, for Robert loved his mother, and, I think, was
somewhat proud of her. There was nothing to be ashamed of, nothing he
need blush for; she was his mother, he her son, acknowledged to be so by
all the world.
She was dressed in black silk, and grey-coloured ribbons in her cap;
her glossy, almost snow-white hair, still beautiful in its abundance,
rolled round her head. She had grown quiet and gentle, and had none of
the wild passions or fits of half-madness now. As Robert sat gazing at
her, he thought she must have been very beautiful in her youth, when
that mass of hair was golden.
"Amy is not here," she said, looking round.
"No. I am alone, and rather tired of my solitude, with a don't-care
feeling of being left any longer by myself just creeping over me."
"I thought Amy had been with you, or I should have been here before. Ah!
I see she has been, by the fresh flowers on the table. She is always
thinking of you, my son; her love always in her heart."
Robert moved impatiently. Had every one combined together to din his
wife's love into his ears? Was he the victim of a conspiracy? So he
replied, touchily.
"Amy is kind enough, and I dare say I am an ungrateful wretch."
"Not ungrateful; but you might be a little, just a little, more loving
to her sometimes. She is such a loving, sweet young wife."
"You think she loves me?"
Mrs. Archer laughed. "Are you in earnest, my son?" she asked.
"Never more so in my life," was the reply.
His mother looked at him almost reproachfully.
"Can anyone doubt it?" she answered. "I believe her whole soul is wrapt
up in you, and I thank God that it is so, my son."
Robert was silent,
"She is a fragile flower," continued Mrs. Archer, "one that the
slightest cold breath might crush, yet withal strong in her deep love
for you. It must be that, that has enabled her to bear up as she has,
for she has had enough to try the strongest of us, and, I fear, looks
more thin and shadowy every day."
"Mother!" cried Robert, in alarm. "You do not think Amy really ill?"
"I don't know what to think. She suffered an agony while she and I sat
watching those dreadful weary hours by your bed-side; and I know Dr.
Bernard has now prescribed a tonic; but she does not gain strength, and
seems more feeble than ever. Forgive me, my son, but I sometimes fear
there is a coldness, a nameless chill between you, which makes my heart
tremble for the future of both. For hers--because she will die, loving
you so intensely, and--" Mrs. Archer hesitated a moment, "and with
little return; for yours--lest, when too late, you will see your error,
and the remorse may break your heart. Oh! my son, if she has erred, it
cannot have been wilfully, and surely she has been sufficiently
punished. Think," she added, laying her hand on his, as she was leaving
the room, "think well on my words, for I can have but one wish at my
heart, and that is my son's happiness."
And Robert did think--think deeply all the rest of that day. He seemed
never tired of thinking, while his eyes rested oftener on his wife, and
he watched her intensely.
What if she did love him? Ah! if only she did. His heart leapt wildly at
the thought, and his jealous hatred seemed to have no place there now,
but to be a far-off dream; or if it did intrude, he set it aside as a
bugbear, or felt less savagely inclined than heretofore.
Could it be for him--she, his wife, brought fresh flowers for those
already fading? How graceful she looked as she arranged them; not
hurriedly, but slowly and tastefully--as though her heart was with the
work,--in the glass. Was it for him she trod so softly over the room,
while everything she touched assumed a different look, and slid quietly
into its place, as though under the influence of a magic wand.
Hard and cruel! How chill those words of Mrs. Elrington's fell, like a
dead weight on his heart, and had been ringing in his ears ever since.
If Frances Strickland had told him a lie, then he had been hard and
cruel. But his wife had never denied the facts, hideous as they
appeared; but had Frances exaggerated the story, and why had he refused
to listen to Amy's explanation? Might she not have cleared away half its
hideousness? His heart surged like the troubled waves by the sea-shore,
and his breath came quick and hot, as he felt that he might have been
mistaken in fancying his wife loved him not. If all this long time it
had been so, then, indeed, he had been hard and cruel; and would she
ever forgive him? or could he ever forgive himself? Tormented with
doubts and fears, he watched and waited, and gave no sign to his wife
that he did so, while she grew paler and paler, fading imperceptibly.
The days crept on--three more slipped by, and found Robert still
undecided, still undetermined. Again Amy brought fresh flowers, and
stood at the table arranging them as before, and again her husband's
eyes watched her, and had she only looked up as the last flower was
being placed in the glass, her heart would have found its rest, for her
eyes must have seen the love trembling in her husband's; but Amy never
looked, but went and sat over by the fire, without a word. Then Robert
spoke--
"Those flowers are very beautiful, Amy."
The words themselves were nothing, but the tone was the tender tone of
old. Had he spoken coldly she could have answered at once, but the old,
old loving tone, smote on her poor overcharged heart, and she could not
answer a word, while the heavy tears gathered under her eyelids, and
trembled as they fell. But her face was from her husband, and as yet he
did not see them. Then some one came in, and they were interrupted. But
the time Amy sighed for was not far distant, it was only delayed awhile.
Again they were alone; and again Robert spoke.
"Were the flowers gathered for me, Amy?"
The words were even more tenderly spoken than before; still there was no
reply, and Robert half raised himself, and stooped forward to look into
his wife's face; but she kept it steadfastly hidden: she dared not look
until she could control some of the emotion, which seemed as though it
would suffocate her.
They were both silent now. Robert grieved at her silence, while Amy sat
striving and fighting with her sobs; yet so very still that none could
have guessed the pent-up agony she was enduring.
By-and-bye she grew more composed; had conquered and mastered her
emotion, and turned her head towards her husband; but he was reading,
and if he saw her, never raised his eyes from his book.
Unconsciously her thoughts wandered, wandered away to the days at
Somerton when she had been so happy. Ah! what a world of woe had
overtaken her since then. Her boy dead, her only one; her husband worse
than dead, his love estranged, perhaps gone for ever! and yet if he had
only allowed her to speak,--not to attempt to palliate her fault, but
only to tell how dearly she loved him! she felt she _had_ rightly
forfeited some of his esteem, but scarcely deserved all the bitter
misery his coldness had cost her.
Would he ever trust her again? Ever believe her love? Yet if she died
for it, she must tell it him; the weight of it was killing her, and she
clasped her small white hands tightly over her knees as she thought that
perhaps the time for her to speak had come. Only a few moments ago he
had spoken almost tenderly to her, and more like his former self, and he
was better, almost well now, and able to bear what she had to say. The
excitement of her sad tale would not hurt him half so much as the
telling it would grieve her.
He was no longer weak, but gaining strength every day; there was
scarcely any trace of his illness now, save that ugly scar near his
temple, and that was gradually fading away.
How should she begin? What should she say? As she essayed to think, the
suffocating feeling arose again in her throat; again the large heavy
tears dropped one by one; but her face was turned full on her husband
now, his eyes on hers, yet she knew it not; knew not that his book had
been laid down long ago, and that he was watching eagerly the various
emotions flitting over face.
As the tears sprung from her eyes, he said, hastily reaching out his
hand,
"Come here, Amy! Come nearer to me."
She saw him _then_. Their eyes met, and that one glance told _him_ his
wife's love was his; told _her_ she was trusted and forgiven. In another
moment she had tottered forward and was gathered to his heart, her tears
falling like rain on his breast.
"Oh! Robert! Robert!" she wailed.
But loving words poured impetuously in her ears, loving arms were round
her.
"My wife! my own! My darling Amy. Hush! hush, love!"
But she could not hush; but lay weeping, weeping passionately, nestled
close to him; clasped tightly in his arms, as though he feared to lose
her.
He thought those tears would never cease, and almost grew frightened at
their intensity, but they stopped at last, subsiding into sobs; and
presently they were gone altogether, and she rested gently and quietly
in his arms while she told him the tale that had nearly broken her heart
and his; and if he thought her to blame, as without doubt she was, he
forgave her now from his heart, and bitterly accused himself of being
hard and cruel indeed; and thanked God he had not been too late in
breaking down the wall that had severed them, and nearly buried them
both in its ruins.
Mrs. Elrington came in, but was moving softly away again when Robert
called her back.
"She does indeed love me," he said proudly and humbly; while he resisted
Amy's efforts to free herself from his grasp, "Your words, dear lady,
were severe but well timed. I deserved them and can thank you for them
now; while all my life long I will strive to make amends for what my
wife has suffered."
Amy looked up, her bright face flushing with smiles, but her husband
covered her mouth laughingly with his hand as she attempted to speak;
possibly he thought she would, like a true woman, strive to hide his
fault by exposing her own. But she struggled to free herself and said,
"I am more happy than I deserve to be, dear Mrs. Elrington, my one sin
so bitterly repented of having taught me the value of my husband's love,
and how dear, how very dear, he is to me."
"Heed her not! heed her not!" cried Robert.
"God bless you both, my children," said Mrs. Elrington fervently.