I unfolded my new prospects to Mrs. Ashleigh. She was more easily
reconciled to them than I could have supposed, judging by her habits,
which were naturally indolent, and averse to all that disturbed their
even tenor. But the great grief which had befallen her had roused up
that strength of devotion which lies dormant in all hearts that are
capable of loving another more than self. With her full consent I wrote
to Faber, communicating my intentions, instructing him to purchase the
property he had so commended, and inclosing my banker’s order for the
amount, on an Australian firm. I now announced my intention to retire
from my profession; made prompt arrangements with a successor to my
practice; disposed of my two houses at L----; fixed the day of my
departure. Vanity was dead within me, or I might have been gratified by
the sensation which the news of my design created. My faults became at
once forgotten; such good qualities as I might possess were exaggerated.
The public regret vented and consoled itself in a costly testimonial,
to which even the poorest of my patients insisted on the privilege to
contribute, graced with an inscription flattering enough to have served
for the epitaph on some great man’s tomb. No one who has served an art
and striven for a name is a stoic to the esteem of others; and sweet
indeed would such honours have been to me had not publicity itself
seemed a wrong to the sanctity of that affliction which set Lilian apart
from the movement and the glories of the world.
The two persons most active in “getting up” this testimonial were,
nominally, Colonel Poyntz--in truth, his wife--and my old disparager,
Mr. Vigors! It is long since my narrative has referred to Mr. Vigors. It
is due to him now to state that, in his capacity of magistrate, and in
his own way, he had been both active and delicate in the inquiries set
on foot for Lilian during the unhappy time in which she had wandered,
spellbound, from her home. He, alone, of all the more influential
magnates of the town, had upheld her innocence against the gossips that
aspersed it; and during the last trying year of my residence at L----,
he had sought me, with frank and manly confessions of his regret for his
former prejudice against me, and assurances of the respect in which he
had held me ever since my marriage--marriage but in rite--with Lilian.
He had then, strong in his ruling passion, besought me to consult his
clairvoyants as to her case. I declined this invitation so as not to
affront him,--declined it, not as I should once have done, but with no
word nor look of incredulous disdain. The fact was, that I had conceived
a solemn terror of all practices and theories out of the beaten track of
sense and science. Perhaps in my refusal I did wrong. I know not. I was
afraid of my own imagination. He continued not less friendly in spite
of my refusal. And, such are the vicissitudes in human feeling, I
parted from him whom I had regarded as my most bigoted foe with a warmer
sentiment of kindness than for any of those on whom I had counted on
friendship. He had not deserted Lilian. It was not so with Mrs. Poyntz.
I would have paid tenfold the value of the testimonial to have erased,
from the list of those who subscribed to it, her husband’s name.
The day before I quitted L----, and some weeks after I had, in fact,
renounced my practice, I received an urgent entreaty from Miss Brabazon
to call on her. She wrote in lines so blurred that I could with
difficulty decipher them, that she was very ill, given over by Dr.
Jones, who had been attending her. She implored my opinion.