making of you_, Sirrah, _though y' are so high now a body must not speak
to you: You had never been_ Taken _and_ clapt up, Sirrah, _but for me_.
Bum. _Father! what Simpletons we_ Country-folks _are to you_ Citizens!
_Citt._ Now put the case _Bumpkin_, that you were _Taken, Examin'd_ and
_Committed_, provided you _stand to your Tackle_, y'are a Made man
already; but if you _shrink in the wetting_, y'are lost.
Bum. _Pray'e what do you mean by_ standing to my Tackle?
_Citt._ You must be sure to keep your self upon a Guard, when y'are
before the _Justice_; and not to be either _wheedled_, or _frighten'd_
into any _Discovery_; for they'le be trying a thousand Tricks with you.
Bum. _But may I deny any thing that's charg'd upon me, point-blank, if I
be guilty of it?_
A Salvo for a Lye.
_Citt._ Yes, in the case of _self-preservation_, you may; but you must
be sure then that no body can _disprove_ you; for if it be _known_, 'tis
a _Scandall_, and no longer _Lawfull_: Your best way will be not to
answer any Questions against your self.
Bum. _But now you have brought me into a_ Goal, _you would do well to
tell me how I shall get out again_.
The Benefits of a Prison.
_Citt._ Why before you turn your self thrice in your _Kennell_, (if
_Baylable_) Y'are out again, upon a _Habeas Corpus_: But in the
mean time, the Town rings of your _Commitment_, the _Cause_ of it, and
how bravely you carry'd it upon your _Examination_; all which shall be
Reported to your Advantage; and by this time, y'are Celebrated for the
_Peoples Martyr_. And now come in the _Bottles_, the _Cold-Pies_, and
the _Guynnies_: But you must lay your finger upon your Mouth, and keep
all as close as if the _Fayries_ had brought it.
Bum. _Pre'thee_, Citt, _wert thou ever bound_ Prentice _to a_ Statesman?
_Citt._ No, not altogether so neither; but I serv'd a Convenient time in
two of his Majesties Houses; and there I learnt _My Politiques_; that is
to say, in _Newgate_, and the _Gate-house; Two schools_ (says one) _that
send more wise men into the World, then the_ four Inns of Court. Now let
your suffering be what it will, the _Merit_ of it will be rated
according to the _Difficulty_ and _hazzard_ of the _Encounter_: For
there's a great difference betwixt the Venture of a _Pillory_, and of a
_Gibbet_. But in what case soever; if you stand fast, and keep your
Tongue in your head, you shall want neither _Mony_, nor _Law_; nor
_Countenance_, nor _Friends_ in the _Court_, nor _Friends_ in the
_Jury_.
Bum. _Hold, hold_, Citt; _what if all my great Friends should deceive me
at last_?
_Citt._ They'le never dare to do that, for fear you should deceive
_them_. I have found the Experiment of it my self, and every _Term_
yields us fresh Instances of _people that make their Fortunes in a
trice, by a generous contempt of Principalities, and Powers_.
Bum. _Thou'rt a brave fellow_ Citt; _but pre'thee what may thy
Employment be at present, if a body may ask thee_?
The Secretary to a Grand Committee.
_Citt._ _I_ am at this present, _Bumpkin, under the Rose, a
Secretary-Extraordinary_ to one of the _Grand Committees_ I told thee
of; and my business is to draw up _Impeachments, Informations,
Articles_; to lick over now and then a _Narrative_; and to deal with the
_Mercuries_ to publish nothing against the Interest of that Party: and
_in fine_, there's hardly any thing stirs, but I have a finger in't.
Mine is a business I can tell you, that brings in _Money_.
Bum. _I make no doubt on't_ Citt: _But could ye put me in a way to get a
little money too_?
_Citt._ We'l talk of that presently. You may think perhaps now the
_City-Petition's_ blown off, that our _Committee_ will have nothing to
do. But, I do assure you, businesse comes in so fast, upon us, that I
shall never be able to go through it without an _Assistant_; and if I
find you fit for't, you shall be the man.--Nay hold, let Me speak,
First; do you continue the use of your _Short-hand_?
Bum. _Yes, I do; and I have mended my_ Bastard-Secretary _very much
since you saw it_.
_Citt._ Will you be _Just_, _Diligent_, and _Secret_?
Bum. _I'le give you what security you'le ask, for my_ Truth _and_
Diligence; _and for my_ Secrecy, I could almost forget to _speak_.
_Citt._ That Figure pleases me; but I must shrift you further. How
stands your appetite to _Wine_ and _Women_?
Bum. _Why truly at the rate of_ other flesh and blood.
_Citt._ 'Tis not to barr ye neither; but what Liberties ye take, let
them be _Private_; and either to advance the _Common-cause_, or at
_spare hours_.
Bum. _You cannot ask or wish more then I'le do._
_Citt._ Only a word or two more, and then I'le let you into my affairs.
What course did you propound to your self, in case your _Petition_ had
succeeded? I ask this, because you seem so much troubl'd at the
Disappointment.
Other Petitions upon the Anvill.
Bum. _Why if this_ Petition _had gone_ on, _and the_ Parliament _had_
met, _I was promis'd four or five_ Petitions _more; One against_ Danby,
_and the Lords in the_ Tower, _another_ for the Sitting of this
Parliament, till they had gone through all they had to do; _a_ Third,
_for taking away the_ Bishops Votes, _a_ Fourth _for the Remove of_
Evill Counsellours; _and a_ Fifth _for putting the_ Militia _into_ Safe
hands.
_Citt._ These points you must know, have been a long time upon the
Anvill; and our Friends have Instructions all over the Kingdom, to
proceed upon them to shew the Miraculous _Union_ of the Nation. But do
you think because the _First Petition_ has receiv'd a _checque_, and the
_Parliament_ is _Prorogu'd_, that therefore _the other Petitions must
fall to the ground_?
Bum. _I cannot well see how it should be otherwise._
_Citt._ Why then let me tell you, _Bumpkin_, We'l bring the whole
business about again, and carry it on, in spite of Fate: for we have
better _heads_ at work perhaps then you are aware of.
Bum. _Ay, but what_ Hands _have we_ Citt? _for it will come to that at
last_.
_Citt._ Those _Heads_ will find _Hands_, never trouble your self, if
there should be occasion; but 'tis too early-days for that sport yet.
'Twas an unlucky thing however to be so surpriz'd; For our Friends did
no more dream of the _Sacrament_, then of their _Dying day_.
Bum. _Well there's no recalling of what's past: But the Question is how
we shall avoid it for the time to come._
_Citt._ Nay _Bumpkin_, there's a Trick worth two of _avoiding_ it, we'l
_Take_ it next bout, and then we're safe; we'l carry it; I'le undertake
by _fifty Voices_.
Bum. _But cannot the_ Aldermen _hinder you from putting it to the Vote_?
A Designe upon the Common-Council.
_Citt._ 'Tis the custom of the City I confess, for the _Lord Mayor_ to
_Summon_ and _dissolve Common-Councils_, and to put all points to the
_Question_; but we'l finde a cure for that too. 'Tis a thing we've been
a good while about already; the bringing down the _Authority_ of the
_City_ into the _Major part_ of the _Commons_.
Bum. _Now if the_ Mayor _and_ Aldermen _should be aware of this, they'l
never endure it; but we must leave that to time. But hark ye_ Citt. _I
thought our Friends refusing of the_ Sacrament had been matter of
Conscience.
Distinctions of Consciences.
_Citt._ Why so it is man, but take notice then, that you are to
distinguish of _Consciences_: There is, _First_, a _plain, simple
Conscience_, and that's a Conscience that will serve well enough to keep
a man _Right_, if he meet with nothing else to put him _out of the way_.
And then there's a _Conscience_ of _State_, or _Profit_; and _that
Conscience_ yields, as a _Less Weight_ does to a _Greater_; an _Ounce_
turns the _Scale_, but a _Pound_ carries the _Ounce_, and no body blames
the _Weaker_ for being over-power'd by the _stronger_. There is a
_Conscience_ of _Profession_ too; which is a _Conscience_ that does not
so much regard the _Reason_ of the _thing_, as the being _True_ to a
_Party_, when a man has past his _Word_: and this is the _Conscience_ of
a man of _Honour_, that fights for his _Whore_. There is likewise a
_Conscience_ of _Religion_, and that's a _quiet peaceable Conscience_,
that rests in the Affections of the _Heart_, in submission to _Lawfull
Institutions_; and in serving _God_, and doing Good to our _Nighbour_,
without _Noise_ or _Ostentation_.
Consciences of State or Interest.
Bum. _Well, but I see a great many very_ Consciencious men _that love
to_ Pray _and_ Sing Psalms _next the_ Street, _that their Neighbours may
hear 'um; and go up and down_ shaking of their Heads, _and_ wringing of
their Hands, _crying out of_ the Calves _of_ Bethel, _and the_ High
places, Popery, Prelacy, _and the_ Common-Prayer, _in such a manner,
that 'twould grieve a bodies heart to see 'um_.
_Citt._ These are _Consciencious men Bumpkin_, and this is the
_Conscience_ of _State_ or _Profit_, that I told ye of.
Bum. _Ay, but I have seen some men in Fits of the_ Spirit, Jump, _and
fling about a_ Pulpit _so desperately, that they set the children a
crying_ to have 'um let out. _One while they'd_ raise _themselves upon
their_ Tip-toes, _and_ Roar out _upon a suddain, you'd have thought they
had been pinch'd with_ Hot Irons; _and then all in an Instant, they'd_
Dop down again, _that ye could hardly see 'um; And so_ fall _into a_
faint, lamenting Voice, _like the_ Grone _of a poor woman_ three
quarters spent in Labour. _Nay there was One of 'um that gap'd, and held
his mouth open so long, that People cry'd out_, The man has a Bone in
his Throat. _Those must needs be very_ Consciencious Men, Citt.
_Citt._ They are so _Bumpkin_, but 'tis the _same Conscience_ still; for
it works all manner of ways. We took up this Mode I suppose, from the
_Transports_, and _Grimaces_ of the _Pagan Priests_, in the Ceremony of
their _Sacrifices_, which had a very effectual operation upon the
People.
Bum. _Nay_ Citt, _these Men have a Holy way of_ Language _too, as well
as of_ Behaviour, _for all their_ Talk _is of_ Heaven, _and_ Heavenly
things, _the_ Saints _and_ the New Jerusalem; _they deal mightily, in_
Expositions _upon the_ Viols, _and_ the Little Horn: _and then they are
bitterly severe against_ Wicked Magistrates, _and those that_ Lord it
over Gods Heritage. _They are_ in fine _a very_ Consciencious _sort of
People_.
_Citt._ Oh beyond question so they are: But this is still a Branch of
the _same Conscience_. I have known indeed some people so Transported
with this same _Talkative Holiness_, that it has been a kind of
_Spiritual Salivation_ to 'um, they continue _spitting_ when they have
not one drop of _Moisture_ left 'um in their _Bodies_.
Bum. _Prethee_ Citt, _tell me in Honest_ English, _where shall a body
finde the_ simple, _and the_ Religious Consciences _thou told'st me of_?
Not many Religious Consciences.
_Citt._ Why every man living has the _Former_ of 'um, but takes no
notice on't: But for the _Latter_ sort, 'tis very scarce; and you shall
find more of it perhaps in _one Jayle_, or in _one Hospital_, then in
all the _Courts_ of _Christendom_. It is commonly _the Blessing of men
in years_, in _sicknesse_, or _in adversity_.
Bum. _Ah_ Citt, _that I were but as capable of Learning as thou art of
Teaching! Pre'thee explain thy self a little upon the_ Conscience _of_
Profession _too_.
A Conscience of Profession.
_Citt._ Observe me what I say then, _Bumpkin_; There is a _Profession_,
_Particular_, and _General_: _Particular_, as when _One Cavalier_ serves
another in a _Duell_, he's oblig'd to't by the _Profession_ of a
_Sword-man_, without Formalizing upon the _Cause_. There's a
_Conscience_ of _Profession_ even among the _Banditi_ themselves. What
is it but the _Profession_ of _Presbytery_, that makes the whole Party
oppose _Episcopacy_; as the _Independents_ do _Presbytery_, the
_Republicans_, _Monarchy_, and the like.
Bum. _Now I thought that there might have been_ Conscience _of_ State,
_as well as of_ Profession _in These Cases_.
_Citt._ Thou sayst very well, _Bumpkin_, and so there is, and of
_Profit_ too; and it was much the same Case too, throughout the Circle
of our Late Revolutions, when we _Swore_ and _Vow'd_ from the _Oaths of
Allegiance_, and _Canonical Obedience_, to the _Protestation_, the
_Solemn League and Covenant_, the _Engagement_, the _Negative Oath_, the
Oath of _Abjuration_, and so till we swore round, into the _Oath of
Allegiance_ again.
Bum. _What do you mean now by your =Generall Profession=?_
_Citt._ I mean the _Subordination_ of a _Partiall_ to a _Generall_, of a
_Private Profession_ to a _Publick_; as thou seest in the Late Times,
_Bumpkin_, how strictly the _Divided Reformers_ kept themselves to This
Rule, so long as the _Common Enemy_ was upon his Legs.
Bum. _But who do you mean by the =Common Enemy=?_
_Citt._ I mean, the _Court_, and the _Church-Party_. So long (I say) all
our Brethren of the Separation joyn'd as one man, against that
_Inordinate Power_; and herein we were _Conscienciously True_ to our
_General Profession_; but so soon as ever we had subdu'd that _Popish_
and _Tyrannical Interest_, through the _Conscience_ of our _General
Profession_, we then consulted our _Particular_; and every man did
Conscienciously labour for the Establishment of _his own_ way. But now
we come to the great Nicety of all; that is to say, the _Conscience_ of
making a _Conscience_ of using _any Conscience at all_: There's a Riddle
for ye, _Bumpkin_.
Bum. _I must confess I do not understand one Bitt on't._
A Conscience of using no Conscience at all.
_Citt._ That's for want of a Discerning Spirit _Bumpkin_. What does
_Conscience_ signifie to the _Saints_, that are deliver'd from the
Fetters of _Moral Obligations_, by so many _Extraordinary_ and
_Over-riding Priviledges_, which are granted in a peculiar manner to the
_People of the Lord_? What's he the _better_, or the _worse_, for
_keeping_ or for _breaking_ the _Ten Commandments_, that lies under the
_Predestinarian Fate_ of an _Unchangeable Necessity_ and _Decree_? What
needs he care for any _other Guide_, that carries within himself an
_Infallible Light_? Or He for _any Rule at all_ that cannot _sin_? For
the _same thing_ may be _sin_ in _another man_, which in _Him_ is
_None_.
Bum. _Really this is admirable: So that we that are the =Elect= are
bound up by no =Laws= at all, either of =God= or of =Man=._
_Citt._ Why look you now for that; we _Are_, and we are _Not_. If it so
happens that the _Inward_ and _Invisible Spirit_ move us to do _the same
thing_, which the _Outward_, and _Visible Law_ requires of us; in _That
Case_ we are _Bound_; but so, as to the _Spirit_, not to the _Law_: and
therefore we are bid to _stand fast in our Christian Liberty_.
Of Christian Liberty.
Bum. _That's extreamly well said, for if =We Christians= should be
Shackled with =Human Laws=, which can only reach the =Outward Man=, then
are =the Heritage of the Lord=, in no better Condition then the
=Wicked=, and the =Heathen=._
The Extent of it.
_Citt._ Oh! th'art infinitely in the Right: for if it were not for this
_Christian Liberty_, we could never have _Justify'd_ our Selves in our
_Late Transactions_: the _Designe_ of _Overturning the Government_ had
been _Treason_; taking up _Arms_ against the _King_, _Rebellion_;
_Dividing_ from the _Communion_ of the _Church_ had been _Schism_;
appropriating the _Church Plate_, and _Revenues_ to _Private Uses_, had
been _Sacriledge_; Entring upon _Sequester'd Livings_ had been
_Oppression_: taking away mens _Estates_ had been _Robbery_;
_Imprisoning_ of their _Persons_ had been _Tyranny_; using the name of
_God_ to all This, would have been _Hypocrisy_, forcing of
_Contradictory Oaths_ had been _Impiety_, and Shedding the _Blood_ both
of the _King_, and his _People_, had been _Murther_: And all This would
have appear'd so to be, if the _Cause_ had come to be _Try'd_ by the
_Known Laws_ either of _God_, or of _Man_.
Bum. _Make us thankfull now! What a blessed State are we in, that =Walk
up to our Calling=, in =Simplicity= and =Truth=, whose =Yea= is =Yea=,
and whose =Nay= is =Nay=. 'Tis a strange way thou hast, =Citt=, of
making things out to a man. Thou wert saying but now, that the =same
thing= may be a =Sin= in =One Man=, and =not= in =Another=. I'm thinking
now of the =Jesuites=._
_Citt._ Oh That's a _Jugling, Equivocating, Hellish_ sort of _People_;
'tis a thousand pitties that they're suffer'd to live upon the Earth;
They value an _Oath_ no more then they do a _Rush_. Those are the
_Heads_ of the _Plot_ now upon the Life of the _King_, the _Protestant
Religion_, and the _Subversion_ of the _Government_.
Jesuites and Phanatiques compar'd.
Bum. _Ay, Ay, =Citt=, they're a =damn'd Generation= of =Hell-hounds=.
But, as I was thinking just now; we have so many things among =Us=, like
some things among =Them=, that I have been run down some times allmost,
as if We =our selves= were =Jesuites=; though I know there's as much
difference, as betwixt =Light=, and =Darknesse=: and for my part, =I
defie them as I do the Devill=._
A vast Difference betwixt them.
_But =Citt= thou hast so wonderfull a way of making matters plain, I'de
give any thing in the world thou'dst but teach me what to say in some
Cases, when I'm put to't. One told me t'other day, =You are rather worse
then the= Jesuites; (says he) =for when =They= break an =Oath=, they
have some =mental Reservation= or other for a =Come-off:_ But _You_
Swallow your _Perjuryes, just_ as _Cormorants_ do _Eeles_; an _Oath's_
no sooner _In_ at _One End_, then _Out_ at _t'other_.
_Citt._ Let your Answer be This, _Bumpkin_, That the _Lawmaker_ is
_Master_ of _his own Laws_; and that the _Spirits dictating_ of a _New
Law_, is the _Superseding_ of an _Old one_.
Their Practices compar'd.
Bum. _These are hard words_, Citt; _but he told me further_, don't _You_
Justifie _King-Killing_ (_says he_) as well as the _Jesuits_? Only
_They_ do't with _Pistol_, _Dagger_, and _Poyson_; and _You_ come with
Your _Horse_, _Foot_, and _Cannon_: _They_ proceed by _Excomunicating_,
and _Deposing_; by _dissolving_ the _Character_, _first_, and _then
destroying_ the _Person_; and just so did _You_. _First_, ye _Depos'd_
the _King_, and _Then_ ye _Beheaded Charles Stuart_. And then you need
never go to _Rome_ for a _Pardon_, when every man among you is _his own
Pope_.
The Fanaticks Clear'd.
_Citt._ Now your Answer must be This; That we had, _First_, the
_Warrant_, for what we did, of _an Extraordinary Dispensation_. (as
appear'd in the providence of our Successes) _Secondly_, we had the
_Laws_ of _Necessity_, and _Self-preservation_ to Support us. And
_Thirdly_, the _Government_ being _Coordinate_, and the _King_ only
_One_ of the _Three Estates_; any _Two_ of the _Three_ might deal with
the _Third_ as They thought _Fit_: Beside the _Ultimate Soveraignty_ of
the _People_, over and above. And now take notice, that _the same
Argument_ holds in the _Subversion_ of the _Government_.
Bum. _Now you have Arm'd me Thus far, pray'e help me on, one step
farther; for I was hard put to't not long Since, about the businesse of
the_ Protestant Religion. _What is_ That, _I pray'e, that ye call the_
Protestant Religion?
Of Dissenting Protestants.
_Citt._ You are to understand, that by the _Protestant Religion_ is
meant the _Religion_ of the _Dissenters_ in _England_, from the _Church_
of _England_; As the _First Protestants_ in _Germany_ 1529. (from whom
we denominate our Selves) were _Dissenters_ from the _Church_ of _Rome_:
And So _Call'd_ from the famous _Protestation_ they enter'd against the
_Decree_ of the _Assembly_ at _Spires_, against _Anabaptists_.
Bum. _So that I perceive We_ Set up _the_ Protestant Religion; _we did
not_ Destroy _it: But they prest it Then, that the_ Church of England
_was a_ Protestant Church, _and that the_ Jesuites _had only_ Design'd
_the_ Destruction _of it, where as_ We _did_ Actually Execute _it_.
_Citt._ Your Answer must be, that the _Church_ of _England_, though it
be a little _Protestantish_, it is not yet directly _Protestant_: As on
the Other side, it is not altogether the _Whore_ of _Babilon_, though a
good deal _Whorish_; and therefore the Reply to That must be, that we
did not _Destroy_, but only _Reform_ it.
Bum. _Why I have answer'd People out of my Own_ Mother-Wit, _that we did
but_ Reform _it_. _And they told me again, the Cutting of it off_ Root
and Branch, _was a very Extraordinary way of_ Reforming.
The meaning of Root and Branch.
_Citt._ The Answer to That is Obvious, that the _Cutting Off Root and
Branch_, is only a _Thorow_, or a _Higher degree_ of _Reforming_.
But upon the whole matter, it was with _Us_ and the _Jesuites_, as it
was with _Aaron_ and the _Magicians_; we did _Both_ of us, make
_Froggs_, but _We alone_ had the Power to quicken _the Dust of the Land,
and turn it into Lice_.
Thou art by this time, I presume, sufficiently instructed in the
_Methods_, and _Fundamentalls_ of the _Holy Cause_. I shall now give you
some necessary Hints, to fit, and quallify you for the Province that I
intend you. But besure you mind your _Lesson_.
Bum. _As I would do my_ Prayers, Citt, _or I were Ungratefull, for you
have made me for ever._
_Citt._ Come we'l take _t'other Sup_, first, and then to work. _Who
wayts there without? Two Potts more, and shut the door after Ye._
A great part of Your businesse, _Bumpkin_, will ly among
_Parliament-Rolls_ and _Records_; for it must be _Our Post_ to furnish
_Materialls_ to a _Caball_ only of _Three Persons_, that may be ready
upon Occasion, to be made use of by the _Grand Committee_.
Rolls and Records hunted for Presidents.
Bum. My _Old Master would say that I had as good a guesse at a_ Musty
Record, _as any man; And 'twas my whole Employment almost, to hunt for_
Presidents. _Nay the People would Trust me with_ Great Bags _home to my
Lodging; and leave me alone sometimes in the_ Offices _for four and
twenty hours together._
_Citt._ But what kind of _Presidents_ were they that Ye lookt for?
Bum. _Concerning the_ Kings Prerogative, Bishops Votes, _the_ Liberty
_and_ Property _of the_ Subject; _and the like: And such as They wanted,
I writ out._
_Citt._ But did you Recite them _Whole_? or what did you _Take_, and
what did you _Leave_?
Bum. _We took what serv'd our Turn, and left out the Rest; and sometimes
we were taken =Tripping=, and sometimes we =Scap'd=: But we never
falsify'd any thing. There were some dogged Passages, indeed we durst
not meddle with at all; but I can turn ye to any thing you have occasion
for, with a wet-finger._
Lessons of behaviour for the Well-affected.
_Citt._ So that here's One great point quickly over; in thy being
Train'd to my hand: A man might lay thee down _Instructions_, now, for
thy very _Words_, _Looks_, _Motions_, _Gestures_; nay thy very
_Garments_; but we'l leave those matters to Time, and Study. It is a
strange thing how Nature puts her self forth, in these _Externall
Circumstances_. Ye shall Know a _Sanctifi'd Sister_, or a _Gifted
Brother_ more by the _Meene_, _Countenance_, and _Tone_, then by the
Tenour of their _Lives_, and _Manners_. It is a Comely thing for Persons
of the Same Perswasion, to agree in these _Outward Circumstances_, even
to the _drawing_ of the _same Tone_, and _making_ of the _same Face_:
Always provided, that there may be read in our _Appearances_, a
_Singularity of Zeal_, a _Contempt of the World_, a _fore-boding of
Evills to come_; a _dissatisfaction at the Present Times_; and a
_Despair of Better_.
Bum. _Why This is the very Part, that I was Made for; these Humours are
to be put =On=, and =Off=, as a man would shift his =Gloves=; and you
shall see me do't as Easily too; but the =Language= must be got, I
Phansy, by Conversing with =Modern Authours=, and frequenting =Religious
Exercises=._
_Citt._ Yes, yes, and for a help to your memory I would advise you to
dispose of your Observations into these _Three Heads_, _Words_,
_Phrases_, and _Metaphors_: Do you conceive me?
The Force of Looks and Tones.