[Speech of Joseph Jefferson at a dinner given by the Authors' Club, in
honor of the tenth anniversary of its founding, New York, February 28,
1893. Edward Eggleston acted as chairman. On rising to speak, Mr.
Jefferson received an enthusiastic greeting.]
GENTLEMEN:--I need not say how I thank you for this generous
greeting. I am very glad that your worthy chairman has defined my
position. I knew I was a guest, but I did not know I was an
author--however, I will begin my remarks here because I think it is
appropriate at an Authors' Club to quote from so able and so lovely a
man as Charles Lamb. Charles Lamb has said that the world is divided
into two classes, those who are born to borrow and those who are born to
lend, and if you happen to be of the latter class, why, do it
cheerfully. Now the world seems to be divided into two other classes,
those who are always anxious to make speeches and those who are not. If
of the latter one, you are rather uncertain of yourself, as I am now,
and you have to make a speech, why, do it cheerfully. [Applause.]
Making a speech cheerfully and making a cheerful speech are two very
different matters. [Laughter and applause.] You know how dangerous it is
for any man to wander away from the legitimate paths of his profession.
I fear I have been over-impertinent; I have even been rude enough to
exhibit my pictures, impertinent enough to write a book. I have become
an author of one book and the authors have kindly admitted me and
invited me to their board. To-morrow night, or after to-morrow night, I
presume that the orators will invite me to their board. [Applause.] I am
almost ashamed of my presumption, and it would serve me very right if I
failed to-morrow night. That will teach me better and I shall extend the
field of my operation no further, I assure you.
But it is curious that there is one path in which the actor always
wanders--he always likes to be a land-owner. It is a curious thing that
the actors of England and--of course in the olden times you must
remember that we had none but English actors in this country,--and as
soon as they came here, they wanted to own land. They could not do it in
England. The elder Booth owned a farm at Bellaire. Thomas Cooper, the
celebrated English tragedian, bought a farm near Philadelphia, and it is
a positive fact that he is the first man who ever owned a fast trotting
horse in America. He used to drive from the farm to rehearsal at the
theatre, and I believe has been known on some occasions, when in
convivial company, even to drive out at night afterwards. [Laughter.]
Following and emulating the example of my illustrious predecessors I
became a farmer. I will not allude to my plantation in Louisiana; my
overseer takes care of that. I have not heard from him lately but I am
told he takes very good care of it. [Laughter.] I trust there was no
expression of distrust on my part. But I allude to my farm in New
Jersey. I have not been so successful as Mr. Burroughs, but I was
attracted by a townsman and I bought a farm in New Jersey. I went out
first to examine the soil. I told the honest farmer who was about to
sell me this place that I thought the soil looked rather thin; there was
a good deal of gravel. He told me that the gravel was the finest thing
for drainage in the world. I told him I had heard that, but I had always
presumed that if the gravel was underneath it would answer the purpose
better. He said: "Not at all; this soil is of that character that it
will drain both ways," by what he termed I think catepillary attraction.
[Laughter.] I bought the farm and set myself to work to increase the
breadth of my shoulders, to help my appetite, and so forth, about work
of a farm. I even went so far as to emulate the example set by Mr.
Burroughs, and split the wood. I did not succeed at that. Of course, as
Mr. Burroughs wisely remarks, the heat comes at both ends; it comes when
you split the wood and again when you burn it. But as I only lived at my
farm during the summer time, it became quite unnecessary in New Jersey
to split wood in July, and my farming operations were not successful.
We bought an immense quantity of chickens and they all turned out to be
roosters [laughter]; but I resolved--I presume as William Nye says about
the farm--to carry it on; I would _carry_ on that farm as long as my
wife's money lasted. [Laughter.] A great mishap was when my Alderney
bull got into the greenhouse. There was nothing to stop him but the
cactus. He tossed the flower-pots right and left. Talk about the flowers
that bloom in the spring,--why, I never saw such a wreck, and I am fully
convinced that there is nothing that will stop a thoroughly well-bred
bull but a full-bred South American cactus. [Laughter.] I went down to
look at the ruins and the devastation that this animal had made, and I
found him quietly eating black Hamburg grapes. I don't know anything
finer than black Hamburg grapes for Alderney bulls. A friend of mine,
who was chaffing me for my farming proclivities, said: "I see you have
got in some confusion here. It looks to me from seeing that gentleman
there--that stranger in the greenhouse--that you are trying to raise
early bulls under glass." [Laughter.]
Well, I will not tire you with these experiences. I can only
congratulate Mr. Burroughs upon his success, and I beg that you will
sympathize with me upon my failure; and now then allow me to conclude my
crude remarks by thanking you for the very kind manner in which you have
listened to my remarks and my experiences. I assure you--they are all of
them true. And I thank you, sir, for your kind introduction, which I am
afraid I do not deserve. And so, gentlemen, I wish you success and
happiness, and long life to your honorable Club. [Long-continued
applause.]
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