A CHANGE IN OUR PROSPECTS.
During my illness, a kind neighbour, who had not only frequently come to
see me, but had brought me many nourishing things, made by her own
fair hands, took a great fancy to my second daughter, who, lively and
volatile, could not be induced to remain quiet in the sick chamber. The
noise she made greatly retarded my recovery, and Mrs. H---- took her
home with her, as the only means of obtaining for me necessary rest.
During that winter, and through the ensuing summer, I only received
occasional visits from my little girl, who, fairly established with her
new friends, looked upon their house as her home.
This separation, which was felt as a great benefit at the time, greatly
estranged the affections of the child from her own people. She saw us so
seldom that she almost regarded us, when she did meet, as strangers;
and I often deeply lamented the hour when I had unwittingly suffered
the threefold cord of domestic love to be unravelled by absence, and the
flattering attentions which fed the vanity of a beautiful child,
without strengthening her moral character. Mrs. H----, whose husband was
wealthy, was a generous, warmhearted girl of eighteen. Lovely in person,
and fascinating in manners, and still too young to have any idea of
forming the character of a child, she dressed the little creature
expensively; and, by constantly praising her personal appearance, gave
her an idea of her own importance which it took many years to eradicate.
It is a great error to suffer a child, who has been trained in the hard
school of poverty and self-denial, to be transplanted suddenly into
the hot-bed of wealth and luxury. The idea of the child being so much
happier and better off blinds her fond parents to the dangers of her
new situation, where she is sure to contract a dislike to all useful
occupation, and to look upon scanty means and plain clothing as a
disgrace. If the reaction is bad for a grown-up person, it is almost
destructive to a child who is incapable of moral reflection. Whenever
I saw little Addie, and remarked the growing coldness of her manner
towards us, my heart reproached me for having exposed her to temptation.
Still, in the eye of the world, she was much better situated than
she could possibly be with us. The heart of the parent could alone
understand the change.
So sensible was her father of this alteration, that the first time he
paid us a visit he went and brought home his child.
“If she remain so long away from us, at her tender years,” he said, “she
will cease to love us. All the wealth in the world would not compensate
me for the love of my child.”
The removal of my sister rendered my separation from my husband doubly
lonely and irksome. Sometimes the desire to see and converse with him
would press so painfully on my heart that I would get up in the night,
strike a light, and sit down and write him a long letter, and tell him
all that was in my mind; and when I had thus unburdened my spirit, the
letter was committed to the flames, and after fervently commending
him to the care of the Great Father of mankind, I would lay down
my throbbing head on my pillow beside our first-born son, and sleep
tranquilly.
It is a strange fact that many of my husband's letters to me were
written at the very time when I felt those irresistible impulses to hold
communion with him. Why should we be ashamed to admit openly our belief
in this mysterious intercourse between the spirits of those who are
bound to each other by the tender ties of friendship and affection, when
the experience of every day proves its truth? Proverbs, which are the
wisdom of ages collected into a few brief words, tell us in one pithy
sentence that “if we talk of the devil he is sure to appear.” While the
name of a long-absent friend is in our mouth, the next moment brings him
into our presence. How can this be, if mind did not meet mind, and the
spirit had not a prophetic consciousness of the vicinity of another
spirit, kindred with its own? This is an occurrence so common that I
never met with any person to whom it had not happened; few will admit
it to be a spiritual agency, but in no other way can they satisfactorily
explain its cause. If it were a mere coincidence, or combination of
ordinary circumstances, it would not happen so often, and people would
not be led to speak of the long absent always at the moment when they
are just about to present themselves before them. My husband was no
believer in what he termed my fanciful, speculative theories; yet at the
time when his youngest boy and myself lay dangerously ill, and hardly
expected to live, I received from him a letter, written in great haste,
which commenced with this sentence: “Do write to me, dear S----, when
you receive this. I have felt very uneasy about you for some days past,
and am afraid that all is not right at home.”
Whence came this sudden fear? Why at that particular time did his
thoughts turn so despondingly towards those so dear to him? Why did the
dark cloud in his mind hang so heavily above his home? The burden of my
weary and distressed spirit had reached him; and without knowing of our
sufferings and danger, his own responded to the call.
The holy and mysterious nature of man is yet hidden from himself; he is
still a stranger to the movements of that inner life, and knows little
of its capabilities and powers. A purer religion, a higher standard of
moral and intellectual training, may in time reveal all this. Man still
remains a half-reclaimed savage; the leaven of Christianity is slowly
and surely working its way, but it has not yet changed the whole lump,
or transformed the deformed into the beauteous child of God. Oh, for
that glorious day! It is coming. The dark clouds of humanity are
already tinged with the golden radiance of the dawn, but the sun of
righteousness has not yet arisen upon the world with healing on his
wings; the light of truth still struggles in the womb of darkness, and
man stumbles on to the fulfilment of his sublime and mysterious destiny.
This spring I was not a little puzzled how to get in the crops. I still
continued so weak that I was quite unable to assist in the field, and
my good old Jenny was sorely troubled with inflamed feet, which required
constant care. At this juncture, a neighbouring settler, who had
recently come among us, offered to put in my small crop of peas,
potatoes, and oats, in all not comprising more than eight acres, if I
would lend him my oxen to log-up a large fallow of ten acres, and put
in his own crops. Trusting to his fair dealing, I consented to this
arrangement; but he took advantage of my isolated position, and not only
logged-up his fallow, but put in all his spring crops before he sowed
an acre of mine. The oxen were worked down so low that they were almost
unfit for use, and my crops were put in so late, and with such little
care, that they all proved a failure. I should have felt this loss more
severely had it happened in any previous year, but I had ceased to feel
that deep interest in the affairs of the farm, from a sort of conviction
in my own mind that it would not long remain my home.
Jenny and I did our best in the way of hoeing and weeding; but no
industry on our part could repair the injury done to the seed by being
sown out of season.
We therefore confined our attention to the garden, which, as usual, was
very productive, and with milk, fresh butter, and eggs, supplied
the simple wants of our family. Emilia enlivened our solitude by her
company, for several weeks during the summer, and we had many pleasant
excursions on the water together.
My knowledge of the use of the paddle, however, was not entirely without
its danger.
One very windy Sunday afternoon, a servant-girl, who lived with my
friend Mrs. C----, came crying to the house, and implored the use of
my canoe and paddles, to cross the lake to see her dying father. The
request was instantly granted; but there was no man upon the place to
ferry her across, and she could not manage the boat herself--in short,
had never been in a canoe in her life.
The girl was deeply distressed. She said that she had got word that her
father could scarcely live till she could reach Smith-town; that if she
went round by the bridge, she must walk five miles, while if she crossed
the lake she could be home in half-an-hour.
I did not much like the angry swell upon the water, but the poor
creature was in such grief that I told her, if she was not afraid of
venturing with me, I would try and put her over.
She expressed her thanks in the warmest terms, accompanied by a shower
of blessings; and I took the paddles and went down to the landing.
Jenny was very averse to my _tempting Providence_, as she termed it, and
wished that I might get back as safe as I went. However, the old woman
launched the canoe for me, pushed us from the shore, and away we went.
The wind was in my favour, and I found so little trouble in getting
across that I began to laugh at my own timidity. I put the girl on
shore, and endeavoured to shape my passage home. But this I found was
no easy task. The water was rough, and the wind high, and the strong
current, which runs through that part of the lake to the Smith rapids,
was dead against me. In vain I laboured to cross this current; it
resisted all my efforts, and at each repulse I was carried further down
towards the rapids, which were full of sunken rocks, and hard for the
strong arm of a man to stem--to the weak hand of a woman their safe
passage was impossible. I began to feel rather uneasy at the awkward
situation in which I found myself placed, and for some time I made
desperate efforts to extricate myself, by paddling with all my might.
I soon gave this up, and contented myself by steering the canoe in the
path it thought fit to pursue. After drifting down with the current for
some little space, until I came opposite a small island, I put out
all my strength to gain the land. In this I fortunately succeeded,
and getting on shore, I contrived to drag the canoe so far round the
headland that I got her out of the current. All now was smooth sailing,
and I joyfully answered old Jenny's yells from the landing, that I was
safe, and would join her in a few minutes.
This fortunate manoeuvre stood me in good stead upon another occasion,
when crossing the lake, some weeks after this, in company with a young
female friend, during a sudden storm.
Two Indian women, heavily laden with their packs of dried venison,
called at the house to borrow the canoe, to join their encampment upon
the other side. It so happened that I wanted to send to the mill that
afternoon, and the boat could not be returned in time without I went
over with the Indian women and brought it back. My young friend was
delighted at the idea of the frolic, and as she could both steer and
paddle, and the day was calm and bright, though excessively warm, we
both agreed to accompany the squaws to the other side, and bring back
the canoe.
Mrs. Muskrat had fallen in love with a fine fat kitten, whom the
children had called “Buttermilk,” and she begged so hard for the little
puss, that I presented it to her, rather marvelling how she would
contrive to carry it so many miles through the woods, and she loaded
with such an enormous pack; when, lo! the squaw took down the bundle,
and, in the heart of the piles of dried venison, she deposited the cat
in a small basket, giving it a thin slice of the meat to console it for
its close confinement. Puss received the donation with piteous mews; it
was evident that mice and freedom were preferred by her to venison and
the honour of riding on a squaw's back.
The squaws paddled us quickly across, and we laughed and chatted as we
bounded over the blue waves, until we were landed in a dark cedar swamp,
in the heart of which we found the Indian encampment.
A large party were lounging around the fire, superintending the drying
of a quantity of venison which was suspended on forked sticks. Besides
the flesh of the deer, a number of muskrats were skinned, and extended
as if standing bolt upright before the fire, warming their paws. The
appearance they cut was most ludicrous. My young friend pointed to the
muskrats, as she sank down, laughing, upon one of the skins.
Old Snow-storm, who was present, imagined that she wanted one of them to
eat, and very gravely handed her the unsavoury beast, stick and all.
“Does the old man take me for a cannibal?” she said “I would as soon eat
a child.”
Among the many odd things cooking at that fire there was something that
had the appearance of a bull-frog.
“What can that be?” she said, directing my eyes to the strange monster.
“Surely they don't eat bull-frogs!”
This sally was received by a grunt of approbation from Snow-storm; and,
though Indians seldom forget their dignity so far as to laugh, he for
once laid aside his stoical gravity, and, twirling the thing round with
a stick, burst into a hearty peal.
“_Muckakee!_ Indian eat _muckakee?_--Ha! ha! Indian no eat _muckakee!_
Frenchmans eat his hind legs; they say the speckled beast much good.
This no _muckakee!_--the liver of deer, dried--very nice--Indian eat
him.”
“I wish him much joy of the delicate morsel,” said the saucy girl, who
was intent upon quizzing and examining every thing in the camp.
We had remained the best part of an hour, when Mrs. Muskrat laid hold
of my hand, and leading me through the bush to the shore, pointed up
significantly to a cloud, as dark as night, that hung loweringly over
the bush.
“Thunder in that cloud--get over the lake--quick, quick, before it
breaks.” Then motioning for us to jump into the canoe, she threw in the
paddles, and pushed us from the shore.
We saw the necessity of haste, and both plied the paddle with diligence
to gain the opposite bank, or at least the shelter of the island, before
the cloud poured down its fury upon us. We were just in the middle of
the current when the first peal of thunder broke with startling nearness
over our heads. The storm frowned darkly upon the woods; the rain came
down in torrents; and there were we exposed to its utmost fury in the
middle of a current too strong for us to stem.
“What shall we do? We shall be drowned!” said my young friend, turning
her pale, tearful face towards me.
“Let the canoe float down the current till we get close to the island;
then run her into the land. I saved myself once before by this plan.”
We did so, and were safe; but there we had to remain, wet to our skins,
until the wind and the rain abated sufficiently for us to manage our
little craft. “How do you like being upon the lake in a storm like
this?” I whispered to my shivering, dripping companion.
“Very well in romance, but terribly dull in reality. We cannot, however,
call it a dry joke,” continued she, wringing the rain from her dress.
“I wish we were suspended over Old Snow-storm's fire with the bull-frog,
for I hate a shower-bath with my clothes on.”
I took warning by this adventure, never to cross the lake again without
a stronger arm than mine in the canoe to steer me safely through the
current.
I received much kind attention from my new neighbour, the Rev. W. W----,
a truly excellent and pious clergyman of the English Church. The good,
white-haired old man expressed the kindest sympathy in all my trials,
and strengthened me greatly with his benevolent counsels and gentle
charity. Mr. W---- was a true follower of Christ. His Christianity was
not confined to his own denomination; and every Sabbath his log cottage
was filled with attentive auditors, of all persuasions, who met together
to listen to the word of life delivered to them by a Christian minister
in the wilderness.
He had been a very fine preacher, and though considerably turned of
seventy, his voice was still excellent, and his manner solemn-and
impressive.
His only son, a young man of twenty-eight years of age had received a
serious injury in the brain by falling upon a turf-spade from a loft
window when a child, and his intellect had remained stationary from that
time. Poor Harry was an innocent child; he loved his parents with the
simplicity of a child, and all who spoke kindly to him he regarded as
friends. Like most persons of his caste of mind, his predilection for
pet animals was a prominent instinct. He was always followed by two
dogs, whom he regarded with especial favour. The moment he caught your
eye, he looked down admiringly upon his four-footed attendants,--patting
their sleek necks, and murmuring, “Nice dogs--nice dogs.” Harry had
singled out myself and my little ones as great favourites. He would
gather flowers for the girls, and catch butterflies for the boys; while
to me he always gave the title of “dear aunt.”
It so happened that one fine morning I wanted to walk a couple of miles
through the bush, to spend the day with Mrs. C----; but the woods were
full of the cattle belonging to the neighbouring settlers, and of
these I was terribly afraid. Whilst I was dressing the little girls to
accompany me, Harry W---- came in with a message from his mother. “Oh,”
thought I, “here is Harry W----. He will walk with us through the bush,
and defend us from the cattle.”
The proposition was made, and Harry was not a little proud of being
invited to join our party. We had accomplished half the distance without
seeing a single hoof; and I was beginning to congratulate myself upon
our unusual luck, when a large red ox, maddened by the stings of the
gadflies, came headlong through the brush, tossing up the withered
leaves and dried moss with his horns, and making directly towards us.
I screamed to my champion for help; but where was he?--running like
a frightened chissmunk along the fallen timber, shouting to my eldest
girl, at the top of his voice,
“Run, Katty, run!--The bull, the bull! Run, Katty!--The bull, the
bull!”--leaving us poor creatures far behind in the chase.
The bull, who cared not one fig for us, did not even stop to give us
a passing stare, and was soon lost among the trees; while our valiant
knight never stopped to see what had become of us, but made the best of
his way home. So much for taking an innocent for a guard.
The next month most of the militia regiments were disbanded. My
husband's services were no longer required at P----, and he once more
returned to help to gather in our scanty harvest. Many of the old debts
were paid off by his hard-saved pay; and though all hope of continuing
in the militia service was at an end, our condition was so much improved
that we looked less to the dark than to the sunny side of the landscape.
The potato crop was gathered in, and I had collected my store of
dandelion roots for our winter supply of coffee, when one day brought
a letter to my husband from the Governor's secretary, offering him
the situation of sheriff of the V---- district. Though perfectly
unacquainted with the difficulties and responsibilities of such an
important office, my husband looked upon it as a gift sent from heaven
to remove us from the sorrows and poverty with which we were surrounded
in the woods.
Once more he bade us farewell; but it was to go and make ready a home
for us, that we should no more be separated from each other.
Heartily did I return thanks to God that night for all his mercies to
us; and Sir George Arthur was not forgotten in those prayers.
From B----, my husband wrote to me to make what haste I could in
disposing of our crops, household furniture, stock, and farming
implements; and to prepare myself and the children to join him on the
first fall of snow that would make the roads practicable for sleighing.
To facilitate this object, he sent me a box of clothing, to make up for
myself and the children.
For seven years I had lived out of the world entirely; my person had
been rendered coarse by hard work and exposure to the weather. I looked
double the age I really was, and my hair was already thickly sprinkled
with gray. I clung to my solitude. I did not like to be dragged from it
to mingle in gay scenes, in a busy town, and with gayly-dressed people.
I was no longer fit for the world; I had lost all relish for the
pursuits and pleasures which are so essential to its votaries; I was
contented to live and die in obscurity.
My dear Emilia rejoiced, like a true friend, in my changed prospects,
and came up to help me to cut clothes for the children, and to assist me
in preparing them for the journey.
I succeeded in selling off our goods and chattels much better than I
expected. My old friend, Mr. W----, who was a new comer, became the
principal purchaser, and when Christmas arrived I had not one article
left upon my hands save the bedding, which it was necessary to take with
us.