The Pope puts books only on the Index; you will mark with a stigma of
reprobation men and things.
It is forbidden to madame to go into a bath except in her own house.
It is forbidden to madame to receive into her house him whom you suspect
of being her lover, and all those who are the accomplices of their love.
It is forbidden to madame to take a walk without you.
But the peculiarities which in each household originate from the
diversity of characters, the numberless incidents of passion, and the
habits of the married people give to this black book so many variations,
the lines in it are multiplied or erased with such rapidity that a
friend of the author has called this Index _The History of Changes in
the Marital Church_.
There are only two things which can be controlled or prescribed in
accordance with definite rules; the first is the country, the second is
the promenade.
A husband ought never to take his wife to the country nor permit her to
go there. Have a country home if you like, live there, entertain there
nobody excepting ladies or old men, but never leave your wife alone
there. But to take her, for even half a day, to the house of another man
is to show yourself as stupid as an ostrich.
To keep guard over a wife in the country is a task most difficult
of accomplishment. Do you think that you will be able to be in the
thickets, to climb the trees, to follow the tracks of a lover over the
grass trodden down at night, but straightened by the dew in the morning
and refreshed by the rays of the sun? Can you keep your eye on every
opening in the fence of the park? Oh! the country and the Spring! These
are the two right arms of the celibate.
When a woman reaches the crisis at which we suppose her to be, a husband
ought to remain in town till the declaration of war, or to resolve on
devoting himself to all the delights of a cruel espionage.
With regard to the promenade: Does madame wish to go to parties, to the
theatre, to the Bois de Boulogne, to purchase her dresses, to find
out what is the fashion? Madame shall go, shall see everything in the
respectable company of her lord and master.
If she take advantage of the moment when a business appointment, which
you cannot fail to keep, detains you, in order to obtain your tacit
permission to some meditated expedition; if in order to obtain that
permission she displays all the witcheries of those cajoleries in which
women excel and whose powerful influence you ought already to have
known, well, well, the professor implores you to allow her to win you
over, while at the same time you sell dear the boon she asks; and above
all convince this creature, whose soul is at once as changeable as water
and as firm as steel, that it is impossible for you from the importance
of your work to leave your study.
But as soon as your wife has set foot upon the street, if she goes on
foot, don’t give her time to make fifty steps; follow and track her in
such a way that you will not be noticed.
It is possible that there exist certain Werthers whose refined and
delicate souls recoil from this inquisition. But this is not more
blamable than that of a landed proprietor who rises at night and looks
through the windows for the purpose of keeping watch over the peaches
on his _espaliers_. You will probably by this course of action obtain,
before the crime is committed, exact information with regard to the
apartments which so many lovers rent in the city under fictitious
names. If it happens [which God forbid!] that your wife enters a house
suspected by you, try to find out if the place has several exits.
Should your wife take a hack, what have you to fear? Is there not a
prefect of police, to whom all husbands ought to decree a crown of solid
gold, and has he not set up a little shed or bench where there is a
register, an incorruptible guardian of public morality? And does he not
know all the comings and goings of these Parisian gondolas?
One of the vital principles of our police will consist in always
following your wife to the furnishers of your house, if she is
accustomed to visit them. You will carefully find out whether there is
any intimacy between her and her draper, her dressmaker or her milliner,
etc. In this case you will apply the rules of the conjugal Custom House,
and draw your own conclusions.
If in your absence your wife, having gone out against your will, tells
you that she had been to such a place, to such a shop, go there yourself
the next day and try to find out whether she has spoken the truth.
But passion will dictate to you, even better than the Meditation, the
various resources of conjugal tyranny, and we will here cut short these
tiresome instructions.