The following sensible observations on the wastefulness which often
takes place on marriage occasions, are from the pen of Camilla
Crosland—our old and esteemed contributor originally known as Camilla
Toulmin. They appear in _Social Notes_, a weekly periodical not unlike
our own, edited by Mr S. C. Hall, and which has our best wishes for its
success.
‘How many people there are who in fine clothes and with smiling faces
“assist” at a modern wedding, yet in their heart of hearts think the
profuse outlay and the general festive arrangements usual on the
occasion a piece of tiresome folly! Few, however, like to make a dead
set against time-honoured customs, unless strong personal feelings or
personal interests are concerned.
‘Marriage may certainly lay claim to being the most important event
in life, and as such there must ever be solemnity associated with it.
In fact our Prayer-book speaks of the solemnisation of matrimony. Of
course it is right that there should be a certain publicity attached
to every marriage ceremony, and probably in this fact originated the
custom of inviting friends to be present on the occasion, till by
degrees wedding-parties have become more and more crowded, and now it
is a common thing for a vast assembly to congregate at them. Of course
where there is great wealth, and people love this sort of display, and
bride and bridegroom have nerve for it, and are, moreover, happy in
possessing “troops of friends,” there is no reason why money should
not circulate—the confectioner revel in _chefs-d’œuvre_, the florist
realise a week’s ordinary income in bouquets, and the milliner make her
mint of money by rich toilets. But a vice of the English middle class
is to ape the rank above it; and I confess it has often to me seemed
pitiable to know at what a cost of after self-denial a showy wedding
has taken place.
‘It is desirable that when two young people, suitable in age,
character, station, are warmly attached, they should be married as
soon as prudence permits. Let us take, for instance, the case of
an accomplished but portionless young lady, the eldest of several
daughters, who has been accustomed to utilise her talents in the home
circle. She has been engaged, say four years, to a gentleman in a
government office with a slowly rising salary. He is about thirty, she
five or six and twenty. He has saved enough money to furnish a pretty
little suburban dwelling, and she will be provided by her father with a
modest _trousseau_, and they think it now high time to “settle.” Their
income, even including a fatherly allowance for pin-money, will be
considerably less than five hundred pounds per annum, and they, being
good arithmeticians, know they must live quietly, visit and entertain
only in a homely, friendly manner, and neither go to nor give formal
parties. Of what use is the costly white silk bridal dress, which in
all human probability will never in its original state be worn again?
It will, of course, be laid up carefully, and looked at occasionally
with tender sentimental interest; but by-and-by, in a year or two, it
will seem old-fashioned, and most probably be picked to pieces and
dyed some serviceable colour. Then there were probably at least four
bride’s-maids, each to be presented with a jewelled _souvenir_ by the
not too affluent bridegroom, and the costly wedding-breakfast to be
provided by the father. One mischief of the thing being that the whole
arrangement becomes a precedent, so that the next sister who marries
would seem slighted if she were to have a less stylish wedding.
‘Perhaps the costly entertainment—which is often a great trial to the
feelings of the parties most chiefly concerned—can only be given by
dipping into a very slender capital, or by relinquishing the autumn
seaside holiday. The worst of the matter is that the class a little
below the one I have attempted to describe, imitates the bad example in
its own way and to its own detriment.’
Mrs Crosland, in conclusion, mentions a case in which persons of
respectable standing consulted economy and common sense in their
marriage arrangements. ‘Due arrangements having been quietly made,
the young lady one morning, dressed in ordinary attire, escorted by
her father to “give her away,” and accompanied by a younger sister to
serve as bride’s-maid, walked to the parish church, where the expectant
bridegroom was ready to receive them. There the ceremony was performed,
the little party returning to partake of the family luncheon before the
wedded pair started on their tour. Was not this an example worthy under
many circumstances to be followed?’