A DISCOVERY.
What cannot one discover on an old bookstall? Who would have supposed I
should have had the luck to pick up the extraordinary collection of
newspaper-cuttings which are here presented to the reader?
The extracts speak for themselves. They present in a moderately
connected form the story of a famous epoch in English history, and shed
a flood of light on transactions which have long since passed into the
region of myth.
Although the dates of months and days are given, the actual year to
which the extracts refer is unfortunately left in obscurity. But from
internal evidence, and certain references to current events, it is
supposed that the date cannot have been later than the reign of King
Arthur--or at any rate before the Saxon period.
I may say that in reading over the present account and the mythological
story of Jack the Giant Killer, I am struck by several discrepancies in
the commonly received tradition, and in the account of the manners and
customs of the times here revealed. I make no attempt to reconcile the
two versions, though I am decidedly of opinion that of the two the
present may be accepted by the reader as the more authentic.
At any rate it is an editor's duty to give his story as he receives it,
and to leave his readers to form their own conclusions.
The following, then, is an exact transcript of the newspaper extracts to
which we have referred:
From the _Stilly Gazette_, June 30th.
Despatches from the mainland report that the season is now in full
swing. The charming seaside resorts on this attractive coast are
crowded with visitors. It is remarked, as a singular indication of the
uncertainties attending excursion traffic, that the proportion of
arrivals is greatly in advance of the departures. This is particularly
noticeable in the neighbourhood of Giants' Bay, where the well-known
hospitality of the residents appears to have an extraordinary
fascination for visitors. It is rumoured that although fresh arrivals
take place daily, and no departures are announced, the number of
visitors remains comparatively stationary, and the place has at no time
been inconveniently crowded. Altogether there seems to be every
prospect of a prosperous season.
From the _Giants Bay Broadsheet_, July 2nd.
Fashionable Arrivals.--Giant Blunderbore's Hotel: Sir Cap a Pie, Lady a
Pie, the Misses a Pie, Master Hugh a Pie, and suite, from London; the
Reverend Simon Cellarer, from Lincoln; Monsieur et Madame Froggi and
infant, from Rouen, etcetera, etcetera.
Giant Cormorants Hotel: Fifty members of the West Anglian
Anthropomorphic Society, under the conduct of Professor Hardhide.
Giant Galligantus's Hotel: Eighty-two visitors have arrived within the
last two days. There will be vacancies in a week.
Notice.--The band will play daily in Blunderbore Park. Public
receptions by the Giants in the pump-room every afternoon. Private "At
Homes" every evening. Applications should be made early.
Departure.--Since our last report one visitor has left Giants' Bay. As
he omitted to discharge his hotel bill, we forbear, pending proceedings,
to publish his name.
From the _West Anglian Anthropomorphism_, July 1st.
A party of fifty of our members, under the distinguished conduct of
Professor Hardhide, our President, have gone to explore the natural and
animal beauties of Giants' Bay. It is expected that the excursion will
result in much valuable information respecting the celebrated tall men
of that famous resort. Our colleagues, we understand, are occupying
Giant Cormoran's commodious hotel, and are much delighted with the
arrangements made by their genial host for their comfort. A meeting of
the society is summoned for September 1st, to hear the report of their
interesting investigations.
From the _Rouen Weekly Supplement_, July 1st.
Nous avons l'honneur d'annoncer que nos concitoyens distingues, Monsieur
Alphonse Froggi, avec sa charmante femme et jolie enfant sont partis
hier par le paquet. On dit que leur destination est la Baie des
Geantes, a l'Angleterre, ou ils resteront a l'Hotel Geant Blunderbore.
From the _London Times_, July 1st.
Major-General Sir Cap a Pie has been ordered for his health to the south
coast, and leaves to-day, with family and suite, for Giant Blunderbore's
Hotel, Giants' Bay.
From the _Lincoln Daily Gossip_, June 30th.
After a season of unusual fatigue we are happy to be able to announce
that our eloquent townsman, the Reverend Simon Cellarer, has at last
decided to give himself a long-earned rest, and has left this day
(Tuesday) for Cornwall, where he will spend a few weeks in seclusion at
Giants' Bay. The reverend gentleman has, we are glad to say, taken his
tricycle with him.
From the _Excursionist's Guide_.
Advertisement.--Cheap Daily Excursions. Special facilities. Return
tickets at the price of single. Magnificent air. Sea bathing. Fine
hotels--Blunderbore, Cormoran and Galligantus. Hundreds of visitors
daily.
From the _Scampingtonian_ (the Holiday Number of the Scampington School
Magazine).
The following from a Pie minor will be read with interest by our
readers:--
"Blunderbore's, Giants' Bay.
"Dear Chappies,--I don't think much of Cornwall. The gingerbeer's
beastly bad, and there's not a single chap here can play tennis. The
bathing's only so so, and not a boat to be had except an old barge,
which Blunderbore uses as a skiff. He's a regular rum Johnny, old
Blunderbore; stands about 18 feet in his stockings, 108 inches round the
chest, and got a voice to match. He's the boss of this place, and tries
to be civil, people say. There's a jolly mixed lot at this hotel. A
French chap who doesn't know his own language, at least he pretended not
to when I talked to him and said, `Il regarde comme un mouille jour.'
Any ass would know what that meant; you would yourselves. Then there's
a lot of old fogies who belong to a society or something, and go and
measure, old Blunderbore round the chest and biceps, and photograph him,
and all sorts of tomfoolery. How'd they like it themselves? They say
they're working in the interests of science. I'd like to catch any one
working in the interests of science on my biceps! Rather a rum go
yesterday. The governor and mater were asked to an `At Home' at
Blunderbore's private house. I was asked too, but backed out. They
went in full toggery, and haven't turned up again at the hotel. I asked
Blunderbore, and he said he saw the last of them about eleven last
night, and was very sorry when their visit came to an end. I suppose
they've gone and lost themselves on the way home. I shall have to go
and look for them. Blunderbore wants me to go to his next party, but I
shall get out of it if I can. Ta, ta, chappies. It's jolly slow here.
The only lively chap is a parson from Lincoln with a tricycle; also a
medical fellow just turned up called Jack, a sort of dark horse, who
doesn't talk to anybody.
"Yours ever,--
"Hugh a Pie.
"`P.S.--The fellow called Jack is a swell with the boxing-gloves. He
doubled me up in two rounds, and it's not everybody could do that.'"
From the _West Anglian Anthropomorphist_, July 10th. [A communication
from the learned President.]
I anticipate the more detailed account of this singular neighbourhood,
which I hope to make when I address you at the meeting on September 1st,
by a few preliminary notes on some most extraordinary anthropological
discoveries which certain members of the society have recently made
among the inhabitants of Giants' Bay. At a very early period of the
world's history, midway, it is conjectured, between the glacial and
basaltic epochs--that is to say, about 100,000 years before the creation
of the world--there appears to have prevailed an unusual divergence in
the normal stature of the mammal bipeds in the county of Cornwall.
Fossil remains indicate the primeval existence of an undersized race
whose average height has been ascertained to be 4 feet 8.30562 inches.
This precise figure has been calculated by a member of this society,
from the measurement of an apparently human footprint discovered in the
chalk deposit thrown up in course of the erection of a public lamp, in
the vicinity of the Assembly Room. As the heavy rains of the last few
days have unfortunately obliterated this interesting impression, the
society is to be congratulated on the prescience of the member who was
energetic enough to measure it while still existent.
In contrast to this diminutive race we have discovered traces of a
gigantic race, still in existence. Three of these remarkable beings
inhabit this locality, where they occupy high positions as proprietors
of the leading hostelries of the place. Indeed, I _may_ say that the
members of the society at the present time at Giants' Bay have the good
fortune to be quartered on the premises of one of these singular
specimens of a mammoth prehistoric civilisation. An opportunity is
about to be given to each member singly to inspect the phenomenon thus
opportunely brought under observation.
It need hardly be stated that the collaboration of the individual
reports which it is proposed to make promises to result in one of the
most important contributions to anthropological science which has ever
been placed on record. The preliminary inspection is to be made by the
president to-morrow; and it is expected that the complete report will be
ready for the public about the end of the month.
From the _Giants Bay Broadsheet_, July 10th.
Fashionable Arrival.--Blunderbore Hotel: John Smith, M.D.; no address.
Announcement.--The band will play every evening in the hall of
Blunderbore Hall, during the receptions. Applications for private
interviews should be made at once. Owing to the unusual number desirous
of an introduction, Giant Blunderbore will not be open to make any fresh
appointment for a fortnight, when priority will be given to the first
applicant.
Departure.--A few visitors have already left the bay, including Major-
General Sir Cap a Pie and lady, who, however, have left their family at
the Blunderbore Hotel, and are expected to return. Monsieur and Madame
Froggi also remain, but their infant has departed.
From the _Stilly Gazette_, July 15th.
Our Giants' Bay correspondent reports a steadily maintained influx of
visitors. As a proof of the popularity of this Elysian spot, it may be
remarked that only one visitor has left within the last fortnight.
From the _Evening Tell-Tale_, London, July 15th.
Mysterious Affair at a Seaside Watering-Place.--
Disappearance of a Lincoln Clergyman.--A remarkable rumour reaches us
from Giants' Bay. Among the numerous visitors to this popular place of
resort during the last fortnight was the Reverend Simon Cellarer, an
eminent divine hailing from Lincoln. Mr Cellarer, who travelled to
Giants' Bay on his tricycle, and was staying at the Blunderbore Grand
Hotel, has, it appears, been missing since the 8th inst., when he was
seen in his usual good health and spirits exercising on his machine in
the grounds of the hotel.
As abrupt departures are not uncommon at seaside places of resort, no
notice of his absence appears to have been taken for a day or two. On
his failure to return, however, after three days, inquiries were at once
instituted, and the reverend gentleman's tricycle was found, apparently
undamaged, in the grounds. Further search was rewarded by the discovery
of his boots and spectacles in the vicinity: but up to the time of going
to press we have no intelligence that the gentleman himself has come to
light.
From the _London Times_, July 18th.
Advertisement.--Lost, strayed, or stolen, a father and mother, answering
to the name of Sir Cap and Lady a Pie. Respectable, well-dressed, quiet
manners. Last seen at Blunderbore Hotel, Giants' Bay, July 8th. The
former was in full armour. Any one giving information as to what they
are up to will receive half a crown reward. If they return, all shall
be forgiven.--Apply to Hugh a Pie, at the above address.
From the _Giants Bay Broadsheet_, July 20th.
Giant Blunderbore is, we regret to say, indisposed. He is suffering
from a sharp attack of dyspepsia. For the present his receptions will
be suspended. Giants Cormoran and Galligantus, though also to some
extent sufferers from the same complaint, have very kindly undertaken to
receive visitors daily from two till eight.
Notice.--In future, no one in armour, or occupying the office of
president of any learned society, will be admitted.
From the _Evening Tell-Tale_, July 22th.
The Giants' Bay Mystery.--
Alleged Further Disappearances.--
Extraordinary Rumours.--Up to the present time no trace has been found
of the missing clergyman at Giant's Bay. Sinister rumours prevail of
other persons being missing, including a distinguished military
gentleman and his lady, and a foreign infant. The police we understand,
do not attach much importance to this or any other rumour.
From the _Lincoln Weekly Supplement_, July 22th.
Great gloom has fallen over this otherwise cheerful city in consequence
of the rumoured disappearance of our esteemed and reverend townsman, the
Reverend Simon Cellarer, from Giants' Bay.
With its usual enterprise, the _Supplement_ has despatched a special
commissioner to the scene of the mystery, with instructions to interview
the leading persons in the place, including the giants, and make a full
report of the circumstances attending the abrupt disappearance of the
reverend missing one.
Full particulars may be expected in our next; which, to meet the demands
of our numerous readers, will be charged twopence instead of a penny.
It is proposed to reserve one sheet for advertisements. Applications
for space should be made at once.
From the _Anthropomorphist_, July 25th.
We regret to say we are unable to publish a further instalment of the
report of the deeply interesting investigations being made at the
present time by our members in Giants' Bay.
Contrary to expectation, no communication has been received for several
days. We shall endeavour to accommodate the extra matter which may be
expected in our next by issuing a double number, which will be charged
one shilling instead of sixpence. In response to numerous requests we
beg to intimate that a limited number of advertisements will be
inserted, for which application should be made at once.