ACROSS THE ALLEGHANIES
Strange to say, I felt not the slightest bit "peeved" about this
occurrence, but facts have to be faced, and anyone who has ever found
himself in a strange land 4,000 miles from home, with a motor-bike
and tenpence, will agree that something has got to be done about
it sooner or later. All sorts of ways and means of making money
quickly--the eternal problem!--occurred to me, but I dismissed them
all for one reason or another. I could hold up the next car I passed
and shoot the occupants after relieving them of their surplus cash.
But that I thought was a distasteful way of getting money. I had seen
it done in the "movies," but decided to leave that _modus operandi_
for a last extremity. What was it to be--a week's work or "trading
away" the watch? I pondered. I got very little inspiration from my
surroundings on a problem of such moment. Instead I was exhorted at
almost every hundred yards to "Say it with flowers" or to "Chew our
famous Smello'mint Gum." A huge yellow sign would then loom in sight
bearing the legend "Playtime Biscuit." Every mile or so would appear
another and more ominous inscription, "Sell it and buy a Ford." "For
all internal ailments 'Kewrit' is the Sovereign remedy," blurted forth
another placard. "The Sovereign remedy," I mused.--But say! What was
that? The SOVEREIGN remedy?--Inspiration at last. Lizzie's
throttle seemed to close its eyes with a snap. The brakes went on of a
sudden and in a few moments I was taking off my tunic at the roadside.
The memory had dawned upon me of a kind sister sewing some golden
sovereigns in the lining of the belt of that very same tunic months ago
way back in good old Brum. She had no doubt imagined me falling into
the hands of Mexican bandits at some period in my peregrinations. At
first I remembered I had protested against such a seemingly unnecessary
precaution. Thank Heaven that argument against a woman is never of any
avail!
I searched and I found; a few stitches carefully removed with a
pocket-knife revealed two glittering "yellow boys" to my anxious gaze.
On we sped once again, bounding, spinning ever faster onward. Truly we
toiled not, but we sure did spin. If the sky was blue, it was bluer
than ever before. If the road had been good, 'twas never so good as
now. Refreshing breezes rolled down from the hills; sweet vistas sprang
into sight; charming dells and streamlets flitted by, and never did the
call of nature sound so strong.
And all because of two forgotten coins.
Hagerstown hardly welcomed me with open arms. A fair-sized, prosperous
little town, it boasted a tramway service and two banks. My heart went
not forth in joy at the contemplation of the tramway service. It did at
the sight of the banks.
Dusty, dishevelled, and of dilapidated attire, I leant Lizzie up
against the kerb and mounted the marble steps of the "First National
Bank." The massive swing-doors frowned back as they squeaked and
groaned to my command. I stood in the midst of a gilded palace replete
with austere-looking deities in white shirt-sleeves behind marble
counters and fancy-work grids. Nothing daunted, I flicked my precious
sovereigns on the counter before the very quintessence of immaculate
manhood with a "Change those, please" as if it were the kind of thing I
did every day of my life.
Once upon a time I had often with swelling pride expanded my chest at
the thought of a British sovereign being honoured in every country
of the world and any corner of the globe. I had reckoned without
Hagerstown. It seemed that the austere-looking deity before referred
to was not at all impressed by my view of the situation. It must have
been the personal _tout ensemble_ that put him on his guard. He might
oblige me by sending it along to New York to the Head Office, he said.
"Couldn't wait a couple of days?" he supposed.
It was no use. He didn't like my face and didn't want my gold.
I scraped the dirt from my boots on his marble steps and crossed the
road to the "Incorporated Bank of Holland."
After conducting a lengthy battle of argument and exhortation with
all the clerks in succession and all to no avail, I began to realize
that British currency was of no more worth than the little sea-shells
that in the earliest days of trade were supposed to be used by the
enterprising natives of prehistoric communities. With a gallant show of
indignation I demanded that the manager be produced forthwith. Strange
to say, he appeared. I took him on one side and into my confidence.
"Look here, old man," quoth I, "I'm in a bit of a hole. All your worthy
satellites here think I'm a sort of cross between a rubberneck and a
highway robber. Fact is, I've been rushed for speeding at the last
village and I've only got two sovereigns to take me to Cincinnati. Now
don't tell me you won't change them." Whereupon he looked warily at
me and then at the gold, examining it minutely. "Guess I might fix it
for you, but just hang on a minute till I can get some one to identify
them. We never see such things as these, y'know."
In a few minutes he returned with an accomplice, who glared with
amazement at the coins as they lay on the counter. "Gor' blimey!" said
he, "don't that do yer blinkin' eyes good! Strike me pink, an' you've
brought these ole yallerboys orl the way from England?" and he picked
them up reverently and gloated over their merry chinkle as he dropped
them again on the counter. "Lor', I've spent many a one on 'em! How
much d'ye want for them, gev'nor?"
"Four dollars eighty each," I replied.
"Done! Pass him the 'oof, boss. Nuthin' wrong wi' them."
Verily is it said that music hath charms for the savage breast. Once
again Lizzie burst into a roar, and once again I turned her nose to the
west.
Music? That Cockney's dialect seemed like a wonderful fragrant melody
pealing forth through the strains of a ponderous fugue. It was like a
sudden rift in the thunderclouds through which burst a cheering shaft
of sunlight. It was sacrilege even to think of those nine paper dollars
that I had thrust so anxiously into my hip-pocket. "Thank Heaven there
is at least one spot in the U.S.A. where the King's English is spoken
undefiled," I murmured to myself.
* * * * *
The road to Cumberland was good going. We had now to commence crossing
the Alleghany Mountains. This wonderful range, which also goes by
the name of the Appalachians, has, in my opinion, no rival in the
American Rockies as regards the loveliness of its scenery and the
infinite variations of colour of its slopes. "The best scenery in the
world, sir," an American would say, and he would not be so very far
wrong either. Perhaps its heights are not so majestic as those of the
Rockies; there may be no glaciers on its slopes nor crests of eternal
glistening white on its peaks, but there is an unparalleled wealth of
natural beauty in the blue and purple pine forests of its less aspiring
heights and the myriad glistening streams and rivers that find their
source in the thickly-wooded foothills clustering around its borders.
"Cumberland" is a comparatively large town in the middle of the hills
and is well named. Undoubtedly the surrounding district reminded
the early settlers so forcibly of our own lake district that they
were inspired to perpetuate its memory, as they have done in so many
other districts, towns and rivers in the far-eastern or "New England"
States. Although the descent from the mountains was in places almost
precipitous, the road was excellent, and excepting the concrete
boulevards of California, afforded undoubtedly the best running that
I met in the whole country. Although I stopped several times for
considerable periods to allow the brakes to cool, there was nothing
left of the brake-linings when ultimately I arrived in Cumberland,
where I ministered adequate and well-earned refreshment to the inner
man of both Lizzie and myself.
The road now lay clear of obstructions ahead and led over undulating
country for several hundred miles. Once more thoughts of Cincinnati
in the distance with a vague anticipation of something approaching
"England, Home and Beauty"--and money as well--occupied the hours as
we sped along, leaving the mile-posts quickly behind us. In places
travelling was good. In places it was distinctly bad. Here and there
were stretches of several miles of brick road, and now and then would
reappear our old friend the "Natural Gravel," that so much conspired to
make life on two wheels not worth living. At times even that provided
quite a respectable surface. My firm intentions not to be baulked in my
aim to reach Cincinnati next day, however, kept up the pace even if to
our mutual discomfort, and made the going good.
At Uniontown, about seventy-five miles past Cumberland, various trivial
little knocks and rattles in the engine disturbed my peace of mind.
The speedometer registered only about 800 miles, and I had hardly
expected to commence tightening things internally at that stage. A
little farther on and one cylinder, after a few peremptory misfires,
gave up the ghost altogether, and I proceeded a few miles on three
only. I changed the sparking plug, hoping for better results, but in
vain. After a few more miles I tried another plug and then another,
but always with the same result. After travelling a few dozen miles in
this unsatisfactory manner, I put Lizzie once again on her stand. This
time I examined closely and found the valves, tappets and clearances
all in good condition. There was apparently nothing wrong with the
ignition either, or the carburettor, and there seemed no reason at all
why such a trouble should arise--particularly, I reflected, as I was
anxious to lose no valuable time. On trying still another plug out of
one of the other cylinders and finding that No. 1 was still obstinate,
I got on again, determined to do the journey on three cylinders only.
I found I could touch well over forty-five even at that, so after all
there wasn't much to complain about. Every motorist, however, who has
a regard for his engine and can sense the "moral fitness" of even
running and good rhythm will understand that travelling under such
circumstances is decidedly unpleasant and monotonous.
At Waynesburg I passed Pittsburg some miles to the right, the
"Birmingham" of America, the centre of a huge coal and iron industry
and, next to Philadelphia, the largest town in Pennsylvania. A few
miles farther on, and I crossed the borderline and entered West
Virginia once again. It was now quite dark and I had to pick out the
road as best I could by my headlight. I was getting tired and was
very hungry, not having had anything to eat for ten hours. After half
an hour the headlight flickered and went out, leaving me with only
a "dimmer," as the Americans call the small auxiliary light, with
which to keep on the road and find the way. The engine, which before
sounded pretty loose, now emitted noises signifying extreme agony of
mind. Then a thick ground mist settled over everything, making it
next to impossible to keep on the road at all, much less to keep on
the right one. Occasionally I dismounted in an endeavour to bring the
headlight back to life. Frequently I narrowly avoided being run down
by large cars with powerful searchlights that couldn't see me at all.
It generally meant pulling into the side of the road, getting off and
waving my arms frantically to signify my presence. Between time I got
more hungry and more tired, and kept asking myself the same question,
"Why, oh why did I leave England?" The answer always came: "Search me!"
Shortly before midnight I reached the small town of "Moundsville," on
the Ohio River and on the borders of West Virginia and Ohio. Every
shop in the place was closed except that of a corpulent Italian
dealer in bananas, oranges and ice-cream sodas. I entered his door
with thanksgiving. The worthy proprietor scrutinized me open-mouthed.
Finally he gave it up. I could see he had been wondering to himself,
"What is this thing, and whence came it?" I sat on the counter in his
presence and consumed three ice-cream sodas, four bananas and two
oranges. After witnessing their consumption, he let drop his bottom jaw
and ventured, "Whare yer from?"
"Doanchew worry your old think-box about where I'm from, brother, but
just tell me where I'm goin'. I wonna get to Cincinnati. Now for the
love of Mike don't tell me I'm not on the right road."
His jaw dropped through a further angle of ten degrees. Finally he
volunteered the information that I was miles and miles from the road
to Cincinnati, and that he hadn't the "goldarnest notion" how I should
ever get back on it again. In disgust I filled my pockets with bananas
and oranges and presented one more ice-cream soda to the minister for
the interior and quitted his establishment.
My next duty was to find somewhere to lay my weary head. I decided to
choose a spot where water was convenient, so that I could wash in the
morning. The river was quite inaccessible from the road and the only
places where there chanced to be a stream were infested with frogs
and mosquitoes. After a half-hour of weary searching and climbing of
long winding hills in the thick damp fog, I eventually gave it up in
disgust. I found an open space at the roadside sheltered by a few
trees, and here laid down my rainproof coat with the thick blanket
doubled on top of it, and with my suit-case as a pillow, soon convinced
myself that I was comfortably settled down for sleep. In a few minutes
I was well in the land of dreams. I dreamed that I was journeying to
the North Pole on a twelve-cylinder Ford which went so fast that it
melted the ice as it passed and ultimately crashed into the Pole at
such a terrific velocity that the equilibrium of the earth was entirely
upset, as also my own. At this point a lusty mosquito inflicted a
tremendous bite on the very tip of my nose, and I woke up with a start.
Then I dreamed that I had undertaken a banana-eating tournament with
an army of Italians, and was just finishing off the ninety-ninth when
another bite in the middle of my left eyelid brought me again to normal
consciousness, and thus the night passed.