Thus, in manual toil, yet mental comfort, had passed a week, when one
morning, while the usual commissioner for carrying about goods happened
to be out of the way, a lady from Soho Square sent, in great haste, an
order for some ribbons. Juliet, to save a customer to her friend,
proposed supplying the commissioner's place; and set forth for that
purpose, with a little band-box in her hands, and a large black bonnet
drawn over her eyes. But before she reached the square, she overtook two
men who were loitering on, as leisurely as she was tripping diligently,
and the words, 'You'll never know her again, I promise you; she's turned
out quite a beauty!' struck her ears, from a voice which she recollected
to be that of Mr Riley.
Anxious to avoid being recognized by him, she crossed to the other side
of the street, with a precipitance that caused the cover of her
band-box, which she had neglected to fasten, to slip aside, and most of
her stores to roll in the dust.
While, with great dismay, she sought to recover them, a feeble, but
eager voice, from a carriage, which suddenly stopt, ordered a footman to
descend and assist the young lady.
Not without confusion, Juliet perceived to whom she owed so uncommon a
civility; it was to her old friend and admirer Sir Jaspar Herrington.
She collected her merchandize, courtsied her thanks, but looked another
way, and hurried back to her new home.
She related her adventure to Gabriella, with whom she bemoaned the
mischief that had befallen the ribbons; and who now determined to spare
her friend any further hazard of unwelcome encounters, by carrying
herself what yet remained unsoiled of the pieces, to Soho Square.
Juliet had barely time to install herself as mistress of the small
warehouse, when she saw, through the window, the carriage of Sir Jaspar;
at the same time, that a young woman opened the shop-door, and demanded
a drachm of black sewing silk, and a yard of tape.
While Juliet with difficulty found, and with embarrassment prepared to
weigh the first, and to measure the second, the Baronet, with a curious,
but respectful air, entering, and hobbling towards the counter, desired
to look at some ribbons.
Juliet, however vexed, could not refrain from smiling; but, through
confusion, joined to the novelty of her office, she doubled the weight
of her silk, and the measure of her tape, yet forgot to ask to be paid
for either; and her customer, whether from similar forgetfulness, or
from reluctance to mark the new shop-keeper's ignorance of business,
walked off without seeming to notice this inattention.
Sir Jaspar, then, gravely repeated his request to be shewn some ribbons.
Juliet began now to hope that she had not been recollected by the
Baronet. Shading her face, therefore, still lower with her large bonnet,
she produced a drawer of black ribbons; concluding that what he required
must be for his queue, or for his shoe-strings.
No, he said, black would not do: the colour that he wanted was brown.
In a low voice that strove to disguise itself, she answered that she had
no other colour at home.
He would stay till some other were returned, then, he said; and,
composedly seating himself, and taking out his snuff-box, he added, that
he did not want plain brown ribbons, but ribbons speckled, spotted, or
splashed with brown.
Juliet who could now no longer doubt being known to him, made no reply;
though again, irresistibly, she smiled.
To the Baronet her smile was always enchantment; setting aside,
therefore, any further pretence to strangeness, he leant his hands upon
the counter, and peering archly under her bonnet, said, ''Tis you,
indeed, then, sweet sorceress? And what sylph is it,--or what
imp?--dulcet, or malignant!--that has drawn me again into the witchery
of your charms?'
He then poured forth countless enquiries into her situation, her
projects, and her sentiments; but, all proving fruitless, he
pathetically lamented the luckless meeting; and frankly owned, that he
had brought himself to a resolution of seeing her no more. 'The rude
assault,' said he, 'made upon my feelings by those mundane harpies at
Arundelcastle, removed a bandage from "my mind's eye" that had veiled
me to myself, and shewed me that I was an old fool caught in the
delusions of love and beauty! I could parry no raillery, I could brave
no suspicion, I could retort no sneer! Panic-struck and disordered, I
stole away, like a gentle Philander of Arcadia, my head drooping upon my
left shoulder, my eyes cast down upon the ground, with every love-born
symptom,--except youth, which alone offers their apology! I spent the
rest of the day in character with this opening; mute with my servants;
loquacious in soliloquy; quarrelling with my books; and neglecting my
dinner! Sleepless and sighing, I repaired to my solitary couch; lost to
every idea of existence, but what pointed out to me how, when, and where
I might again behold my lovely enchantress. Shall I tell you how it was
I recovered, at last, my senses?'
'If you think the lesson may be useful to me, Sir Jaspar!--'
'Ah, cruel! "He jests at scars who never felt a wound". Mark, however,
the visions by which I have been tutored. The servants gone, the lights
removed, and the world's bustle superseded by stillness, darkness, and
solitude,--then, when my fancy meant to revel in smiles, dimples, sweet
looks, and recreative wiles, then,--what a transformation from hope and
enjoyment, to shame and derision! I no sooner closed my poor eyes, than
an hundred little imps of darkness scrambled up my pillow. How was I
tweaked, jirked, and jolted! Mumbled, jumbled, and pinched! Some of them
encircled my eye-balls, holding mirrours in each hand. They spoke not;
the mirrours were all eloquent! You think, they expressed, of a young
girl? Behold here what a young girl must think of you! Others jammed my
lean, lank arms into a machine of whale-bone, to strength and invigorate
them for offering support, in cases of difficulty or danger, to my fair
one: others fastened elastic strings to my withered neck and shoulders,
to enable me, by little pulleys, to raise my head, after every
obsequious reverence to my goddess. Crowds of the nimblest footed dived
their little forked fingers into my heart, plucking up by the root sober
contentment and propriety; and pummelling into their places
restlessness, jealousy, and suspicion: mocking me when they had done, by
peeping into my ears, and squeaking out, with merry tittering, See! see!
see! what sickly rubbish the old dotard has got in his crazy noddle!'
Juliet again smiled, but so faintly, from uncertainty to what this
fantastic gallantry might tend, that Sir Jaspar, looking at her with
concern, said,
'How's this, my dainty Ariel? Why so serious a brow? Have some of my
nocturnal visitants whisked themselves through the key-hole of your
chamber-door, also? And have they tormented your fancy with waking
visions of fearful omens? Spurn them all! sweet syren! What can the
tricks and malice of hobgoblins, or even the freaks and vagaries of
fortune itself, enact against youth, beauty, and health such as yours?
Give me but such arms, and I will brave the wayward sisters themselves.'
More seriously, then, 'Alas!' he cried, 'what is it, thus mystic, yet
thus attractive, that allures me whether I will or not into your
chains?--Could I but tell who, or what you are,--besides being an
angel,--it is possible there might occur some idea,--some--some little
notion of means to exorcise the wicked familiars that severally annoy
us. Tell me but under what semblance the pigmy enemies invade you?
Whether, as usual, with the darts of Master Cupid, shot, furiously, into
your snowy bosom, or--'
'No, no, no!'
'Or whether by the bags of Plutus, emptied, furtively, from your strong
box? In the first case,--little as my bosom is snowy!--I should but too
well know how to pity; in the second, I should be proud and honoured to
serve you. Tell me, then, who you are, resistless paragon! and you shall
wander no more in the nameless state, an exquisite, but nearly visionary
being! Tell me but who you are, and I will protect you, myself, with my
life and fortune!'
Alarmed by this warmth, and doubtful whether it demanded gratitude or
resentment, Juliet was silent.
'If you will not reveal to me your history,' he resumed, 'you will, at
least, not refuse to let me divine it? I am a famous star-gazer; and, if
once I can discover your ruling planet, I shall prognosticate your
destiny in a second. Let me, then, read the lines of your face. Nay! you
must not hide it! You must give me fair play. Or, shall I examine the
palm of your hand?'
Juliet laughed, but drew on her gloves.
'O you little Tyrant! I must only, then, catch, as I can, a glimpse of
your countenance; A nauseous task, enough, to dwell on any thing so
ugly! All I can make out from it, just now, is the figure of a coronet.'
'A coronet?'
'Yes; under which I perceive the cypher D. Do you know any thing of any
nobleman whose name begins with a D? I cannot decipher the rest of the
letters, except that the last is--I think, an h.'
Juliet started.
'My art, I must, however, own, is at a stand, to discover whether this
nobleman may be a lover or a kinsman. To discern that, the general lines
of the face are inadequate. I must investigate the eyes.'
Juliet pertinaciously looked down.
'How now, my dainty, Ariel? Will you give me no answer? neither verbal
nor visual? Will you not even tell me whether I must try to make the old
peer my advocate, or whether I must run him through the body? Surely you
won't let me court him as of kin if he be a rival? nor pink him as a
rival if he be of kin?
'He is neither, I can assure you, Sir: he is nothing to me whatsoever.'
'You know, at least, then, it seems, whom I mean?'
'Sir?'
'My tiny elves have not here deluded me? I am always afraid lest those
merry little wags should be playing me some prank. But it is you who are
the wicked Will o' the Wisp, that lures all others, yet never can be
lured yourself! Lord Denmeath has really, then, and in sober truth, the
happiness of some way belonging to you?'
'No, Sir;--you mistake me;--I never--' She left her phrase unfinished.
'Shall I relate what the prattling tell-tales have blabbed to me
further? They pretend that Lord Denmeath ought himself to be your
protector; but that he is so void of taste, so empty of sentiment, that
he seeks to disguise, if not disown, an affinity that, with more liberal
ideas, he would exult in as an honour.'
'Who talked of affinity, Sir?' cried Juliet, with quickness
irrepressible.--
'Was it Lord Denmeath?--Did he name me to you?'
'Name you? Has any one named you? Indefinable, unconquerable,
unfathomable Incognita! Has any one presumed to give you a human
genealogy? Are you not straight descended from the clouds? without even
taking the time to change yourself first into a mortal? Explain,
expound, unravel to me, in soft pity--'
Juliet solemnly entreated him to forbear any further interrogatory,
assuring him that all enquiry gave her pain.
'Then shall "the stars,"' cried he, '"fade away, the sun grow dim, and
nature,"--like my poor old carcass!--"sink in years," ere one grain more
of the favourite attribute of our general mother shall be sown in my
discourse! But you, in all things marvellous! You! have you really, and
_bona fide_, so little in your composition of our naughty mamma, as not
even to desire to know in what shape appeared to me the tattling little
elf, that talked to me of Lord Denmeath?'
'You have not then, Sir, seen him?'
'Or if I had?--twenty interviews would not have initiated me into his
affairs with so much promptitude, as twenty minutes sufficed for doing
with my elfin fay.'
'I conjecture, then, Sir, your informant: Miss Selina Joddrel?'
'Even so. Upon determining to quit Brighthelmstone, three or four days
ago, I drove over to Lewes, to offer what apologies I could suggest to
Mrs Maple, for the vagaries of my hopeful nephew and heir,--who is
suddenly set out for Constantinople in search, as he writes me word, of
a fair Circassian! The last of my designs, in so delicate a case, you
will easily believe, was to embarrass the injured and deserted fair one
by my sight. But she had a fortitude far above my precautions. She flew
to me herself; and her own plaintive tale had no sooner been bemoaned,
than she hastened to favour me with the history of the whole house. I
then learnt your sudden disappearance; and heard, with extreme
satisfaction, from the indignation I had felt in seeing your ill
treatment, that my meek sister-in-law had fallen into fits, from the
first shock of finding that you were no longer under her dominion. My
Lord Denmeath, who had already gone through the ceremonial of demanding
Mrs Maple's permission to obtain a private audience with you, seemed
thunderstruck at the news, that the bird he so much wished to sing to
him was flown. The whole house was in disorder; running, enquiring,
asserting, denying;--the wild Elinor alone was tame and tranquil,--for
Mr Harleigh has kept constantly in sight.'
Delicate, and ever feeling Harleigh! thought Juliet; Her life, and My
reputation, hang suspended upon the same guardian care!
'That eccentric and most original personage,' continued Sir Jaspar, 'has
now wholly made over her mind to the study of controversial theology.
Every chair is covered with polemical tracts, to prove one side of an
argument, that every table is covered to disprove on the other. If she
settle her opinion one way, she will probably become the foundress of
some new-fangled monastery; if on the other, she will be discovered,
some star-light night, seeking truth at the bottom of a well.'
Juliet then anxiously enquired into the state of her health.
'She seems to me,' answered the Baronet, 'quite as well as it is
possible for a person to be, who is afflicted with the restless malady
of struggling for occasion to exhibit character; instead of leaving its
display to the jumble of nature and of accident. But these new systemers
do not break out of bounds more wildly from whim, than they afterwards
seek retreat within them, tamely, from experience. The little Selina, on
the contrary, who has escaped the trouble of supporting a character, by
not having an idea that could form one, had the kindness to make me the
most liberal communication of every thing that she has either seen or
heard, since she has been skipping about in this nether world; and, in
her scampers from room to room, and from person to person, she had
gathered sundry interesting particulars of a certain fair unknown.--'
He paused; looked anxious, and then went on.
'I would not be officious,--impertinent, nor importunate,--yet, could I
but ascertain some points.--If, however, you will not unfold to me your
history, will you, at least,--syren of syrens!--to develop why I demand
it, hear me divulge my own?'
Juliet, surprised and amused, gratefully assented.
'Know, then, my fair torment! it pleased my wise progenitors to entail
my estate upon my next of kin, in case I should have no lineal heir.
Brought up with the knowledge of this restriction to the fantasies of my
future will, I conceived an early suspicion that my younger brother
built sundry vain-glorious castles upon my celibacy; and I determined
not to reach my twentieth year before I put an end to his presumption.
The first idea, therefore, that fastened upon my mind was that of
marriage. But as I entertained a general belief, that I should every
where be accepted from mercenary motives, I viewed all females with the
scrutiny of a bargain-maker. Thankless for any mark of partiality,
difficult even to absurdity, I sought new faces with restless
impatience; modestly persuaded that I ought to find a companion without
a blot! yet, whatever was my success, regularly making off from every
fair charmer, after the second interview, through the fear of being
taken in.'
'And were none of your little sylphs, Sir, at hand, to point out to you
some one who was disinterested in her nature, however inferiour in her
fortune?'
'No! alas! no; my sylphs all reserved themselves for my meeting with
you! The wicked little imps who then guided and goaded me, incited me to
suspect and to watch every thing that seemed lovely or amiable; and the
pranks that they played me were endless. They urged me to pursue the
glowing Beauty, whose vivid cheeks, crimsoned by the dance, had warmed
all my senses at a ball, to her alighting from her carriage, at her
return home, with the livid line of fatigue and moonlight! They
instigated me to surprize, when ill-dressed, negligent, and spiritless,
the charming face and form that, skilfully adorned, had appeared to me
Venus attired by the Graces. They twitched me on to dart upon another,
whose bloom had seemed the opening of the rose-bud, just as an untoward
accident had rubbed off, from one cheek, the sweet pink which remained
undiminished upon the other! And when, tired of the deceptions of
beauty, I would only follow merit, the wanton little sprites suggested
detections still more mischievous. They led me to overhear the softest
of maidens insult a poor dependent; they shewed me a pattern of
discretion, secretly involved in debt; and the frankest of human lasses,
engaged in a clandestine affair! They whisked me, in short, into every
crevice of female subtlety. They exhibited all as a drama, and gave me a
peep behind the curtain to see the gayest damsel the sulkiest; the most
pleasing one, the most spiteful; the delicate one, obstreperous; the
bashful one, bold; the generous one, niggardly; and the humble one, a
tyrant!'
'Oh wicked imps, indeed, Sir Jaspar! What a view of poor human nature
have they deformed for you! And how have you preserved such a stock of
philanthropy, while instigated by so much malignity?'
'Alas, my fair love, my history is but that of half the old bachelors
existing! We pay, by our aged facility and good humour, for our youthful
severity and impertinence! and, after having wasted our early life in
conceiving that no one is good enough for us, we consume our latter days
in envy of every married man! Now--all too late! I never see a lovely
young creature, but my heart calls out what a delicious wife she would
make me! were I younger, without reflection, without enquiry, were I
younger, I would marry her! THEN--when such precipitation might have
been pardonable, some difficulty instantly followed the sight of
whatever was attractive: one had not fortune enough for my expectations;
another, had beauty to make me eternally jealous; another, though
charming, was too old to be formed to my taste; another, though lovelier
still, was too young to be judged. One was too wise, and might hold me
cheap; another was too simple, and might expose me to seeing her held
cheap herself. THEN--I was so plaguely nice! Now, alas! I am so cursedly
easy!'
'Your sylphs, elves, and imps, Sir, or, in other words, your humour and
imagination, must seek some counterpoise, and not always, you see, be
trusted uncontrouled.'
'You are right, my wise charmer! but we never arrive at judgment, the
only counterpoise to our fancies, till we cease to want it! When we are
young, in the midst of the world, and in pursuit of beauty, riches,
honours, power, fame or knowledge, then, when judgment would either
guide us to success, or demolish our senseless expectations, it keeps
aloof from us like a stern stranger: and will only hail us as an
intimate, when we have no longer any occasion for its services! Of what
value is judgment to a goaty old codger, who sits just as snugly over
his fire-side, whether his opinions are erroneous or oracular? who wraps
himself just as warmly in flannel, whether the world go ill or go well?
and who, if, by ignorance or mismanagement, he be cheated, loses
only what he cannot enjoy! I first became aware of my folly, by the
folly of my nephew. When he was sent forth into the world, my
decided--alas!--heir, I told him my case; and urged him to a rational
but quick choice, to obviate a similar punishment to fantastical
difficulties. He listened, according to the usage of youth, to half what
I said; and, adopting only my mistrust, was inattentive to its result;
and thus so caricatured my researches, suspicious, and irresolutions,
that he has rendered them and myself, even in my own eyes, completely
ridiculous. 'Tis a most piteous circumstance that a man can be young
only once in his life! Could I but, with my present experience, lop off
thirty or forty years of my age,--ah! fair seducer!--how would the
desire of giving you pleasure, the fear of causing you pain, the wish to
see your face always beaming with smiles--'
Juliet arose to interrupt him; but whither could she go? She again sat
down.
The Baronet also arose; and stood for some minutes, covering his eyes
with one hand, in deep rumination. Re-seating himself, then, with an air
of the most lively satisfaction, 'I have told you,' he cried, 'now, my
history. You see in me a whimsical, but contrite old bachelor; whose
entailed estate has lost to him his youth, by ungenerous mistrust: but
who would gladly devote the large possessions which have fallen to him
collaterally, to making the rest of his existence companionable. Shrink
not, sweet flower! I mean nothing that can offend you. Tell me but who
you are, and, be you whom you may, if you will accept an old protector;
if you will deign to become his friend; to give him your conversation,
your society, your lovely presence; he will despise the mocking
world--and decorate himself for your bridegroom, by a marriage
settlement of the whole of his unintailed estate.'
Astonished, and uncertain whether he were serious, Juliet was beginning
a playful attack upon his fairy elves; but, stopping her with perturbed
earnestness, 'Will you,' he cried, 'accept me? Your beauty, your
difficulties, your distresses; your exquisite looks, and witching
manners; with my solitude, my repugnance to mercenary watchers, my deep
regrets, and my desire of domestic commerce; unite to devote me to you
for ever; provided, only I can catch a grain, a single grain, of gentle
good will! Give me, then, but this one satisfaction--I ask no more! tell
me but whence it comes that, thus formed, thus accomplished, thus wise,
thus lovely,--you are helpless, dependent, indigent, and a Wanderer?'
Juliet, though no longer able to doubt his meaning, and though not
disposed to suspect his sincerity, felt nevertheless, shocked by such an
investigation; though grateful, and even touched by his singular and
romantic proposal. Delicacy, however, which keeps back acknowledged
belief in unrequited partiality, as scrupulously as it is withheld by
timid consciousness, where the partiality is returned; make her again
have recourse to his visionary friends, in order to parry a serious
reply; but, too much in earnest to submit to any delay, the Baronet,
ejaculating, 'Paragon of the world!' was bending over the counter, in an
attempt to take her hand; when the sudden opening of the shop-door,
which he had himself carefully closed, previous to his declaration, made
him draw back, in the utmost confusion; to recover his seat and his
crutches, and again demand to look at some ribbons.