FASCINATION--THE CHURCH-YARD, &c.
In a continued scene of frivolity, to call it by no harsher name, and
in the turmoil of petty passions and jarring female interests, passed
the hours at Restormel that led on to the most solemn period of the
year. Amongst the actors in it, Lord Albert D'Esterre cannot (with the
feelings and character which he still possessed) be supposed to have
held a part at all consistent with his true wishes; and, but for the
increasing and alarming fascination of his senses, and the warping of
his better judgment, by the influence which Lady Hamlet Vernon still,
day by day, more effectually exercised over him, he would have quitted
a society altogether, of which he could never really form a component
part, and _from_ which, but for the third power which held him in
combination with it, he must have quickly separated himself.
But, however much this fatal influence might affect the general line of
his conduct, the good seeds sown in early life, though sadly choaked as
they had been, were not yet totally eradicated; and on the morning of
the Easter festival, he took his way to the village to obey the calling
bell of church. The service had begun when he entered, and it was not
till the first lesson was commenced that he lifted his eyes from the
book, and beheld in the family pew opposite Lady Hamlet Vernon. A flush
of various feelings coloured his cheek, and suffused with a richer glow
even the whiteness of his forehead. She is then, he thought, in despite
of the example around her, really good;--she has listened to my advice;
she has come to the fountain-head for instruction--all is well! He then
endeavoured to follow the service throughout its solemn beauty; but his
mind was disturbed, and his thoughts wandered.
When the congregation was dismissed, of course he bowed and approached
Lady Hamlet Vernon with the greetings of the morning salutations, and
offering her his arm, they walked slowly on into the church-yard;
it was one of those quiet gray days, which belong neither to winter
nor spring, but owned affinity with both, and there was a freshness
in the odour of the new trodden grass, which might have been deemed
the precursor of flowers, had not a frosty air chilled the sweet
promise;--some fine old yews surrounded the church-yard, and the
gay colours of the country peoples' ribbons and cloaks appeared in
brilliant relief as they lingered beneath the dark boughs.
The rustic curtsey, and abrupt inclination of respect, which were
offered in homage to Lord D'Esterre and Lady Hamlet Vernon on either
side, as they passed through the village throng, indicated that the
actions of those in the higher ranks of life can never be disregarded
by the lower; a kind of deep respect, and an apparent satisfaction,
sat on the countenances of these good people, and they showed by their
very looks and manner, that they felt the hallowing of the sabbath to
be a link of sympathy existing between them and their superiors, which
mutually allied them in the bonds of christian fellowship.
These are feelings which, even in the uneducated, are still indigenous
to the human heart, and, if cherished and preserved, become as
productive of good as, when neglected or contemned, they tend to
incalculable evil. As Lord Albert and Lady Hamlet Vernon passed along,
the latter observed:
"I love to linger here; these rude memorials of love and respect to
the dead" (pointing to the graves at their feet) "are a mournful
gratification to the living; they tell us that in our turn we may at
least hope to remain some short time in the memories of those whom we
quit; but after all, _tout passe_," and she sighed heavily;--"yes,
_here_ undoubtedly all that the proudest trophies can do, is for a time
to point the moral of a good or bad character by the stone that covers
or decorates the tomb."
"But the tomb, dear Lady Hamlet, is only the repository of the dust;
it will itself become like the dust it covers; but never, like that
awakened dust, be infused with new life, a life far more glorious than
all that we can form an idea of; and we must look not _upon_, not _in_
the grave, but beyond it, where death is swallowed up in victory."
"_You_ can do this, and you are happy," she replied. A cold revulsion
struck on Lord Albert's heart as she paused and breathed with labouring
breath,--"and can _you_ not do so?" he asked in deep low tone and
shuddered as he spoke. She shook her head; and after a moment's pause
said, "all the happiness I know is confined to a few brief moments--a
few electric gleams of pleasure, which vanish in their birth; a
feverish uncertain and fearful catching at delight, which yet eludes
my grasp. These are all the means which I possess to obtain happiness;
yet, such as they are, and such as my success in them is, I would not
exchange them for yours--what! exchange your cold, leaden, measured
_theories of feelings_, for they are nothing more--or the beating pulse
of spontaneous joy, which even in this moment of our communing is mine;
no, Lord Albert, no--meanly as I think of myself when measured by your
standard in the general tenour of our existence, and in the scale of
being, there are moments when I soar above all that was ever dreamt of
in your philosophy,"--and as she spoke her eyes danced in a deceptive
brilliancy that for the moment turned Lord Albert's brain. He shuddered
as he felt the pressure of her arm on his while she uttered these
words, and his uncertain footsteps slid upon the base of a marble tomb.
In the action of recovering himself, a kind of change seemed to pass
through his frame; so much are we influenced by trivial circumstances,
which yet are surely not the agents of chance; in so doing his eyes
rested on an inscription engraven on the stone, and as if glad to
escape from answering her, he read the following lines:
They were so one, it never could be said
Which of them ruled, or which of them obeyed;
He ruled because she would obey, and she
By him obeying, ruled as well as he.
There ne'er was known betwixt them a dispute,
Save which the other's will should execute.
"The lines are indeed beautiful," said Lady Hamlet Vernon, "and I
could be content to be the mould under that stone, if I had ever
enjoyed an existence to which they might with truth have been
applied--but as it is, _non ragionam di lor_;" and she sprang lightly
forwards, adding in a tone of affected levity, "let us make haste back
to Restormel; why, dear Lord Albert, we shall be laughed at if it is
known that we have been to church." The spell was broken, he made no
reply, and they continued the remainder of their walk in silence.
"Hard, cold, insensate man!" cried Lady Hamlet Vernon, when she
reached her own apartment; "but he shall be met with an equal share of
self-love. I will subdue this haughty nature, and mock at him, when his
hour of suffering arrives. If he loved passionately any thing, even
that doll, that infant, that piece of clock-work Lady Adeline Seymour,
I could forgive him; but he does not, it is a systematical pursuit of
an ideal perfection, that leaves his heart always cold and untouched,
and fenced round as it were with adamant. Proud D'Esterre, thou shalt
weep for this"--and she paused for a moment, then collecting all her
thoughts, her final resolution was taken, and availing herself of a
communication which she had to make to Mr. Foley, who she trusted
might be instrumental to her purpose, with a breaking heart, and with
contending feelings she seized a pen, and traced the following letter:
"I am happy to inform you, my dear Mr. Foley, that the official
patronage, which you have long wished me to procure for you, is now
actually obtained, and your arrival in town is all that is wanted
to arrange the necessary preliminaries. A letter received yesterday
informs me of this; but in the interim, I wish you could make it
convenient to pass a few days here on your road to London; for between
ourselves, this place and its society is insufferably dull; and were
it not for tilt and tournament between Lord Tonnerre and Lady Tilney
(who you know under the rose cannot hear each other,) we must have
all gone to sleep, or torn one another to pieces, or eaten our own
paws, like antediluvian hyenas, from the absolute want of mental
nourishment. But in this predicament, resembling people reduced to
starvation on a sea voyage, we cast lots to see who should first
be sacrificed for the benefit of the rest, and fortunately by the
address of Lady Tilney, the lot was made to fall on Lord Tonnerre,
who finished his existence amongst us, as he always lived, in a storm
of passion; the only one of the party, I believe, who regrets his
absence, is Lady Baskerville, who is now _sans cavalier_, and in the
Roman phraseology, _d'impeccarsi_. I advise you then by all means to
come quickly, and to supply the vacancy.
"But to leave joking, I must tell you my dear friend, that I languish
for a rational companion, and one who will kindly enter into my
feelings; nobody understands me here;--too good, and too bad, I am
like Mahomet's tomb, hanging between heaven and earth, and I find no
resting place for my sick soul, nor shall I, 'till you come with your
kindly smile, to solace my weary spirit. Come, therefore, and that
without delay, for you well know that when any thing is to be done, it
had best be done quickly--all delays are dangerous, and with me they
are despair.
"Would you wish to know something of those you will meet here? I have
only to mention their names, and refer you to our old note book; I see
no great visible change in any of them. Mr. Spencer Newcombe has been
here for a few days, and is certainly the _most_ diverting man in the
world; and well he may be, for he lives entirely for that purpose.
"Lord Albert D'Esterre is here also; he sets up for a censor and
corrector of men, manners, and things. He will have enough to do,
if he persists in this unpopular walk; but I am much mistaken, if
he will not soon find it a very arduous undertaking, and one indeed
which is quite hopeless. If he were but content to do as other people
do, who live in the world, and to be a little more like his day and
generation, and a little less of Don Quixotte, he would really be a
pleasant person. He does not, _par parenthèse_, seem in a hurry to
join his betrothed, which I think is rather a good sign; for I should
have but a poor opinion of a man who did as papa and mamma ordered,
and fell in love precisely as he had been desired to do in the days of
his childhood.
"The Tilney, the Leinsengen, the Baskerville, the Boileau, go on in
their usual way; and like the old quotation, though they all differ,
yet they all agree in one thing at least, which is wishing the society
of your agreeable self; so under pain of not only my displeasure,
but that of all the world's, come quickly, and delay not. Adieu, and
believe me to be the most true of your true friends.
"H. V."
In consequence of the occurrence of Lord Albert's morning walk, he
felt little inclined to join the circle on his return to Restormel; and
was in a mood too replete with contradictory feelings, to allow him to
reflect calmly, still less to enable him to decide sanely upon the only
vigorous step he should have taken, namely, to flee from temptation.
He excused himself under the plea of being unwell, from leaving his
own room; and sitting down with a determination of communing with
his own heart, he found not the habit so easy, after long neglect;
and was conscious that he mused, without deriving any fruit from his
contemplations.
But by degrees, this confusion of mind subsided; and then came that
soothing composure, which, after a state of emotion, is always welcomed
with something like pleasure. He opened a favourite author, Owen
Feltham; and he could not read long, without seeing his own necessities
reflected in the page, as in a glass; this is one way by which to prove
whether a moral or religious work be sterling or not, does it apply to
our necessities? does it first probe, and then salve our wounds? Lord
Albert D'Esterre found this book did both; and in its perusal, there
was a sanctity of enjoyment to which he had been long a stranger. This
enjoyment was, however, too soon disturbed by his servant bringing in a
note; he felt it as an unwelcome intrusion; but it was opened after a
moment's hesitation, and contained the following words:
"I am anxious to know how you really are. I too am unwell, and I dread
lest I should have have said or done something this morning, which
may have offended you--oh! if you know how terrible it is for those
who have none to care for them, to suppose for an instant that they
have given pain (however, unwittingly) to the only person whose good
opinion they are anxious to possess, and who has evinced an interest
in their welfare--you would now feel for me. I am not of those who
make a display of their heart's feelings--far from it, I am a miser of
the few treasures which lie hoarded there; it is for that reason that
I mingle with the rest, as though I were one of _them_; and that I am
now writing these troubled lines in the midst of the insipid turmoil
which surrounds me; _tout comme si de rien étoit_. Aid me in bearing
my grievous burthen of existence, and send me one line to be a cordial
for the moment at least; the present moment's ease is all I ever hope
for."
What an overturn to all composure was conveyed in this little bit of
perfumed paper; fifty commencements of reply were made and torn; at
last he rang his bell, summoned his valet, and having given a verbal
answer to the effect that he would shortly obey the commands of Lady
Hamlet Vernon, he appeared in the drawing-room almost as soon as she
could have expected a written reply. She was sitting apart from the
rest of the company with a look of abstractedness and melancholy, the
effect of which was heightened by extreme paleness; her beautiful dark
hair was less carefully arranged than the laws of fashion demanded, but
it was not the less beautiful for that, and some stray tresses fell
gracefully upon her neck; her air, her dress, the subdued expression of
her eyes, were all captivating, and precisely in Lord Albert's _own_
way.
There was a carelessness or scorn of _fashionable_ dress, which
particularly suited his theories on the subject, not that his practical
admiration had not fifty times been excited by a very different mode of
attire; for the fact is, that men's tastes in respect to the costume of
women are always regulated by that of the person they are in love with.
On this occasion, however, it is certain that Lady Hamlet's attire was
in the letter and in the spirit precisely what Lord Albert D'Esterre
pronounced perfect. She held out her hand to him as he entered the
saloon with the composed air of friendship, and expressed her pleasure
at seeing him, for she had feared his indisposition would not have
allowed him to leave his room: and then motioning him to sit down by
her with that expression of calm interest, which attracts without
affording any plausible application of the sentiment to a more vivid
interest, she secured her object, and he occupied the vacant seat next
to her's. Mr. Leslie Winyard, who was playing _écarté_ (even on the
sacred day) with Lady Boileau, while the rest were studying and betting
on the game, called to Lord D'Esterre, "ah! Lord Albert, we have all
been guessing the reason of your absence; one said writing letters
of love, another sleeping; but the successful guess was given to my
penetrating judgment, writing a sermon on the vanities of human life,
that is, holding up to censure all that we your friends are doing."
"I assure you, Mr. Leslie Winyard, that you have not proved your
judgment infallible; for I do not plead guilty either to _your_ charge,
or to any of the others."
"Well, then, join in our game; Lady Boileau intends to beat me, and
I'll vacate my seat in your favour, and, in parliamentary phrase,
accept at the same time as many hundreds as you may choose to give me."
"Pardon me," said Lord Albert, "I cannot."
"Did you suppose Lady Hamlet Vernon would let him do so?" whispered
Lady Baskerville.
"That may be," replied Leslie Winyard, "but my life for it that is not
his reason, he will not play because it is Sunday."
"Sunday, is it?" yawned Lady Ellersby; "dear me! I did not know it was
Sunday."
"Leslie Winyard declares you will not play because it is Sunday, Lord
Albert D'Esterre," exclaimed Mr. Spencer Newcomb.
"Whatever may be my motive, or my fancy for not playing," replied Lord
Albert, "I conceive that it is at variance with the high good breeding
of this circle to inquire further into the matter, though, if it will
afford any satisfaction to Mr. Leslie Winyard, I have not the smallest
hesitation to give to him those motives."
"I am bounden to you, my Lord," rejoined the latter, putting his hand
to his heart, "but for the moment waive the honour of hearing more,
being at the very crisis of the game," and so saying he turned to the
card-table, and left Lord D'Esterre to the undisturbed enjoyment of his
conversation with Lady Hamlet Vernon.
She first broke silence (speaking in a low tone). "How many misnomers
there are in the world; this society considers itself the mode and
paragon of manners and of fashion--the world _par excellence_; and yet
the members of it are always doing or saying something to offend the
feelings of each other. Why was a being like myself thrown amongst
them? one who sees their falsehood and folly, and yet cannot escape
from it. But on the contrary, every day as it passes seems more and
more to entangle me. I possess indeed one friend, from whom I look
for consolation; but _he_, like every one in this world, has his own
troubles, and indeed I have sometimes feared, that is I fear"--she
broke off abruptly as if to find a suitable expression for what
she would say, then again continued after a pause--"that I did not
altogether act a generous part by him; one may excite a deeper interest
than one intends, for it is so soothing to a desolate heart, to find
any one whom it can like, and rest upon, that it is easy to be betrayed
into a conduct, that would afterwards perhaps render one obnoxious to
the imputation of coquetry; the character for which of all others, I
have the most decided contempt. I have not yet learnt from you, Lord
Albert D'Esterre," laying particular emphasis on her words, "that
firm independence of mind, which never yields under circumstances;
for whatever vain disputation I may hold with myself, I find I am
continually yielding to the influence of events, and floating down
the tide of life, guided more by impulse, than by principle. It will
perhaps be as well in the end--who knows?"
Lord Albert D'Esterre had listened with evident pain to the sophistry
these words contained, and as Lady Hamlet Vernon paused, added in his
most impressive manner:
"Oh! dear Lady Hamlet Vernon, I fear it will undoubtedly _not_ be well
with us in the end, if we live by chance; and we may all know, if we
chuse to know, that so to live will prove our condemnation."
"Persuade me of _that_, teach me your knowledge, and I will act upon
it; give me your conviction and I will bless you."
"Surely," thought Lord Albert D'Esterre, "it is my duty to reclaim
this person from the unhappy and destructive errors into which she has
fallen; it would be altogether wrong, it would be barbarous, to abandon
one, who calls upon me for aid, who appeals to _me_ for instruction."
Not but another view of the subject crossed his mind, for thoughts, as
we all know, flow in from contradictory sources.
"Surely the friend to whom you allude, and on whom you say you rely,
will be a far more able instructor than I can be."
"Ay, so he might (she replied) if"----"If what?"----"If I durst on all
occasions apply to him--but--but there are existing reasons to which I
before alluded, and which I now frankly tell you, have frequently made
me deny myself the consolation of his society. We shall see how things
are now, when we are to meet again after a long absence."
Lord Albert D'Esterre could scarcely misunderstand the meaning which
these words implied, and he was too delicate to press the matter
further; but when they separated for the night, the chief point which
was impressed on Lord Albert's mind was, that Lady Hamlet Vernon
was beloved by Mr. Foley, and if she did not positively return that
sentiment in its full degree, that she owned a preference in his
favour, to which it was very nearly allied. Yet if it were so, why
should that circumstance cause him uneasiness? It could only be from
the interest he had imbibed for a person, who seemed intended for a
higher and better career than the one she was pursuing.
Men, even the very best of men, frequently deceive themselves on
similar occasions; they are not, perhaps, _in love_, they do not mean
to be so; still less is it their intention deliberately to awaken an
interest which they feel they cannot return: but though they are few,
who would attempt to _win_ a heart under these circumstances, and
merely for the triumph of doing so; _all_ are not sufficiently free
from vanity to _refuse_ one, when spontaneously offered, nor, while its
possession can be valued for the passing gratification of self-love
_only_, voluntarily forego the distinction which its homage affords.
That such was the predicament in which Lord Albert D'Esterre stood, or
that such was the train of his thoughts, it would be difficult to say.
Lady Hamlet Vernon's conduct and manners towards himself certainly
betrayed partiality, which it was impossible to avoid seeing; but it
was equally impossible to attach to them the decided character of love;
and even were it so, Lord Albert stood pledged to an engagement of
the most sacred nature, and one which had it been intimated to him he
could have abandoned, he would have started from the contemplation of
its possibility; still, however, his mind was under delusion in regard
to Lady Hamlet Vernon, and the interest which he would have persuaded
himself was felt for her sake only, was, it is to be feared, nearly
allied to a sentiment, which in his circumstances never should have
been entertained.
If, however, Lord Albert D'Esterre was wandering in the maze of
undefined resolution, and with an uncertainty of object, in all his
speculations, not so Lady Hamlet Vernon, who well marked the nature of
the interest she was gradually acquiring over him, and which she hoped
soon to see augmented in a degree which would render him completely her
own.
Many days did not elapse from this time before Mr. Foley arrived.
With that refinement of tact which all women understand so well, Lady
Hamlet Vernon made her first approach towards the object she had in
view, by producing between Mr. Foley and Lord Albert D'Esterre a mutual
partiality.
She effected this, as is often successfully done, by repeating
favourable opinions respecting each, which were uttered, or were
not uttered, as it chanced by the parties one of another; "_mais on
ne s'avise jamais de tout_," and there was one circumstance which
operated against her wishes whilst cementing their intimacy. Thus was
the influence which Mr. Foley's vivid description and praises of the
attractions of Lady Adeline Seymour produced on Lord Albert D'Esterre's
mind. Although somewhat diminished by absence and by the too great
security he felt of conceiving her to be beyond the possibility of
change, these attractions still retained their power, and it needed but
the description which he more than once listened to of her beauty and
her worth, as the theme was dwelt upon by Mr. Foley, to revive in him
all the latent feelings of his love and admiration for her. After this
revival of the natural allegiance of his heart, Lord Albert D'Esterre
started from his wayward dream as though he had been warned by his
better angel. Shaking off the listless unaccountable thraldom which had
of late palsied his resolution, he ordered post-horses, and determined
to set off for Dunmelraise the very next day.
END OF VOL. I.
LONDON:
PRINTED BY J. L. COX, GREAT QUEEN STREET.
TRANSCRIBER'S NOTE:
Obvious printer errors have been corrected. Otherwise, the author's
original spelling, punctuation and hyphenation have been left intact.
End of Project Gutenberg's The Exclusives, Vol I., by Charlotte Campbell Bury