For six months I have been living in the house. None of the
inhabitants has noticed anything. I am careful.
The white suit brings me luck. I earn enough. And I have begun to
save; for I feel that one's powers decline. I am tired frequently;
sometimes I have pain. I shall also become fat and old. I don't
like to put make-up on-I am no longer being supervised. Kuno Kohn
has made me free. I am thankful to him.
Kuno Kohn is repugnant; he has a hunchback. His hair is the color of
brass, his face is beardless, and worn with furrows. His eyes seem
old, encircled with shadows. A scar, like a stream of rain, runs
from his nose. One of his legs is swollen. Kuno Kohn said once that
he has an abscess in the bone.
The first meeting had been strange:
It was raining. The streets were wet and dirty. I stood under a
street lamp and looked at my wet clothes. When the wind blew, I was
chilled. My feet ached in my shoes.
Few people were on the street. Most of them on the other side.
Protected by the trees. With their coat collars up. With the hat
crooked over the forehead. No one was watching me; I was standing
there, sad. The gravel crunched beneath me. Hard and sudden, so
that I cried out. A
policeman came by, hands behind his back. He moved slowly. He
looked at me suspiciously, proud of his authority. With a stark look,
he felt that he was master. He moved further on. I laughed
scornfully; he did not look back. The policeman despised me.
I yawned: it had become late.--Along came a man who was small and
deformed. He stopped when he saw me. He had unhappy eyes; on his
lips was an embarrassed smile. He hid part of his face behind
scrawny fingers. And he rubbed his right eye-lid, like someone
ashamed of himself. And he coughed slightly... I went up close to
him, so that he felt me. He said: "Well--: I said: "Come, little one."
He said: "I'm actually homosexual."
And he took my hand. And kissed with cold lips.