If Congress resolve to act upon the suggestion of Senator Miller
that the Congressional Record be issued as a weekly and sent to
every family in the country, some modification ought to be made in
the contents of the Record. The paper is much too heavy and dismal
in its present condition to be welcomed in the ordinary American
household. Perhaps it might have a puzzle department, and if so one of
the first puzzles could take the shape of an inquiry how it happens
that so many Congressmen get rich on a salary of five thousand a
year. The department of answers to correspondents could be enriched
with references to letters from office seekers, and the department
of Household Economy could contain explanations of how the members
frank their shirts home through the post-office so as to get them
in the family wash. As for the general contents, describing the
business proceedings in the Senate and the House, we recommend that
these should be put in the form of verse. We should treat them, say,
something in this fashion:
Mr. Hill
Introduced a bill
To give John Smith a pension;
Mr. Bayard
Talked himself tired,
But said nothing worthy of mention.
This would be succinct, musical, and a degree impressive. The youngest
reader could grasp the meaning of it, and it could be easily committed
to memory. Or a scene in the House might be depicted in such terms as
these:
A very able speech was made by Cox, of Minnesota,
Respecting the necessity of protecting the black voter,
’Twas indignantly responded to by Smith, of Alabama,
Whose abominable talk was silenced by the Speaker’s hammer.
Then Atkinson, of Kansas, rose to make an explanation,
But was pulled down by a colleague in a state of indignation.
And Mr. Alexander, in a speech about insurance,
Taxed the patience of his hearers pretty nearly past endurance,
After which Judge Whittaker denounced the reciprocity
Treaty with Hawaii as a scandalous monstrosity.
* * * * *
Of course versification of the Congressional Record would require the
services of a poet laureate of rather unusual powers. If Congress
shall accept seriously the suggestions which we make with an earnest
desire to promote the public interest, we shall venture to recommend
the selection of the Sweet Singer of Michigan as the first occupant of
the laureate’s office.”