"For trifles why should I displease
The man I love? For trifles such as these
To serious mischiefs lead the man I love."
HORACE.
BRIGHT prospects of future happiness and endless plans of expense
floated through Lady Juliana's brain, and kept her temper in some degree
of serenity during the journey.
Arrived in London, she expressed herself enraptured at being once more
in a civilised country, and restored to the society of human creatures.
An elegant house and suitable establishment were immediately provided;
and a thousand dear friends, who had completely forgotten her existence,
were now eager to welcome her to her former haunts, and lead her
thoughtless and willing steps in the paths of dissipation and
extravagance.
Soon after their arrival they were visited by General Cameron. It was
two o'clock, yet Lady Juliana had not appeared; and Henry,
half-stretched upon a sofa, was dawdling over his breakfast with
half-a-dozen newspapers scattered round.
The first salutations over, the General demanded, "Am I not to be
favoured with a sight of your lady? Is she afraid that I am one of your
country relations, and taken her flight from the breakfast-table in
consequence?"
"She has not yet made her appearance," replied Douglas; "but I will let
her know you are here. I am sure she will be happy to make acquaintance
with one to whom I am so much indebted."
A message was despatched to Lady Juliana, who returned for answer that
she would be down immediately. Three quarters of an hour, however,
elapsed; and the General, provoked with this inattention and
affectation, was preparing to depart when the Lady made her appearance.
"Juliana, my love," said her husband, "let me present you to General
Cameron--the generous friend who has acted the part of a father towards
me, and to whom you owe all the comforts you enjoy."
Lady Juliana slightly bowed with careless ease, and half uttered a
"How d'ye do?--very happy indeed," as she glided on to pull the bell for
breakfast. "Cupid, Cupid!" cried she to the dog, who had flown upon the
General, and was barking most vehemently. "Poor darling Cupid! are you
almost starved to death? Harry, do give him that muffin on your
plate."
"You are very late to-day, my love," cried the mortified
husband.
"I have been pestered for the last hour with Duval and the court
dresses, and I could not fix on what I should like."
"I think you might have deferred the ceremony of choosing to another
opportunity. General Cameron has been here above an hour."
"Dear! I hope you did not wait for me. I shall be quite shocked!"
drawled out her ladyship in a tone denoting how very indifferent the
answer would be to her.
"I beg your ladyship would be under no uneasiness on that account,"
replied the General in an ironical tone, which, though lost upon her,
was obvious enough to Henry.
"Have you breakfasted?" asked Lady Juliana, exerting herself to be
polite.
"Absurd, my love!" cried her husband. "Do you suppose I should have
allowed the General to wait for that too all this time, if he had not
breakfasted many hours ago?"
"How cross you are this morning, my Harry! I protest my Cupidon is quite
ashamed of your _grossièreté! "_
A servant now entered to say Mr. Shagg was come to know her ladyship's
final decision about the hammer-cloths; and the new footman was come to
be engaged; and the china merchant was below.
"Send up one of them at a time; and as to the footman, you may say I'll
have him at once," said Lady Juliana.
"I thought you had engaged Mrs. D.'s footman last week. She gave him
the best character, did she not?" asked her husband.
"Oh yes! his character was good enough; but he was a horrid cheat for
all that. He called himself five feet nine, and when he was measured he
turned out to be only five feet seven and a half."
"Pshaw!" exclaimed Henry angrily. "What the devil did that signify if
the man had a good character?"
"How absurdly you talk, Harry, as if a man's character signified who has
nothing to do but to stand behind my carriage! A pretty figure he'd made
there beside Thomas, who is at least five feet ten!"
The entrance of Mr. Shagg, bowing and scraping, and laden with cloths,
lace, and fringes, interrupted the conversation.
"Well, Mr. Shagg," cried Lady Juliana, "what's to be done with that
odious leopard's skin? You must positively take it off my hands. I would
rather never go in a carriage again as show myself in the Park with that
frightful thing."
"Certainly, my Lady," replied the obsequious Mr. Shagg, "anything your
Ladyship pleases; your Ladyship can have any hammer-cloth you like; and
I have accordingly brought patterns of the very newest fashions for your
Ladyship to make choice. Here are some uncommon elegant articles. At the
same time, my Lady, your Ladyship must be sensible that it is impossible
that we can take back the leopard's skin. It was not only cut out to fit
your Ladyship's coach-box--and consequently your Ladyship understands it
would not fit any other--but the silver feet and crests have also been
affixed quite ready for use, so that the article is quite lost to us. I
am confident, therefore, that your Ladyship will consider of this, and
allow it to be put down in your bill."
"Put it anywhere but on my coach-box, and don't bore me!" answered Lady
Juliana, tossing over all the patterns, and humming a tune.
"What," said her husband, "is that the leopard's skin you were raving
about last week, and your are tired of it before it has been used?"
"And no wonder. Who do you think I saw in the Park yesterday but that
old quiz Lady Denham, just come from the country, with her frightful old
coach set off with a hammer-cloth precisely like the one I had ordered.
Only fancy people saying, Lady Denham sets the fashion for Lady Juliana
Douglas!! Oh, there's confusion and despair in the thought!"
Confusion, at least, if not despair, was painted in Henry's face as he
saw the General's glance directed alternately with contempt at Lady
Juliana, and at himself, mingled with pity. He continued to fidget about
in all directions, while Lady Juliana talked nonsense to Mr. Shagg, and
wondered if the General never meant to go away. But he calmly kept his
ground till the man was dismissed, and another introduced, loaded with
china jars, monsters, and distorted teapots, for the capricious fair
one's choice and approbation.
"Beg ten thousand pardons, my Lady, for not calling yesterday, according
to appointment--quite an unforeseen impediment. The Countess of
Godolphin had somehow got private intelligence that I had a set of fresh
commodities just cleared from the custom house, and well knowing such
things are not long in hand, her La'ship came up from the country on
purpose--the Countess has so much taste!--she drove straight to my
warehouse, and kept me a close prisoner till after your La'ship's hour;
but I hope it may not be taken amiss, seeing that it is not a customary
thing with us to be calling on customers, not to mention that this line
of goods is not easily transported about. However, I flatter myself the
articles now brought for your Ladyship's inspection will not be found
beneath your notice. Please to observe this choice piece--it represents
a Chinese cripple squat on the ground, with his legs crossed. Your
Ladyship may observe the head and chin advanced forwards, as in the act
of begging. The tea pours from the open mouth; and, till your Ladyship
tries, you can have no idea of the elegant effect it produces."
"That is really droll," cried Lady Juliana, with a laugh of delight;
"and I must have the dear sick beggar; he is so deliciously hideous."
"And here," continued Mr. Brittle, "is an amazing delicate article, in
the way of a jewel--a frog of Turkish agate for burning pastiles in, my
Lady; just such as they use in the seraglio; and indeed this one I may
call invaluable, for it was the favourite toy of one of the widowed
Sultanas till she grew devout and gave up perfumes. One of her slaves
disposed of it to my foreign partner. Here it opens at the tail, where
you put in the pastiles, and closing it up, the vapour issues
beautifully through the nostrils, eyes, ears, and mouth, all at once.
Here, sir," turning to Douglas, "if you are curious in new workmanship,
I would have you examine this. I defy any jeweller in London to come up
to the fineness of these hinges, and delicacy of the carving---"
"Pshaw, damn it!" said Douglas, turning away, and addressing some remark
to the General, who was provokingly attentive to everything that went
on.
"Here," continued Mr. Brittle, "are a set of jars, teapots, mandarins,
sea-monsters, and pug-dogs, all of superior beauty, but such as your
Ladyship may have seen before."
"Oh, the dear, dear little puggies! I must have them to amuse my own
darlings. I protest here is one the image of Psyche; positively I must
kiss it!"
"Oh dear! I am sure," cried Mr. Brittle, simpering, and making a
conceited bow, "your Ladyship does it and me too much honour. But here,
as I was going to say, is the phoenix of all porcelain ware--the _ne
plus ultra_ of perfection--what I have kept in my backroom, concealed
from all eyes, until your Ladyship shall pronounce upon it. Somehow one
of my shopmen got word of it, and told her Grace of L----- (who has a
pretty taste in these things for a young lady) that I had some
particular choice article that I was keeping for a lady that was a
favourite of mine. Her Grace was in the shop the matter of a full hour
and a half, trying to wheedle me out of a sight of this rare piece; and
I, pretending not to know what her Grace would be after, but
showing her thing after thing, to put it out of her head. But she was
not so easily bubbled, and at last went away ill enough pleased. Now, my
Lady, prepare all your eyes." He then went to the door, and returned,
carrying with difficulty a large basket, which till then had been kept
by one of his satellites. After removing coverings of all descriptions,
an uncouth group of monstrous size was displayed, which, on
investigation, appeared to be a serpent coiled in regular folds round
the body of a tiger placed on end; and the whole structure, which was
intended for a vessel of some kind, was formed of the celebrated green
mottled china, invaluable to connoisseurs.
"View that well," exclaimed Mr. Brittle, in a transport of enthusiasm,
"for such a specimen not one of half the size has ever been imported to
Europe. There is a long story about this my phoenix, as I call it; but,
to be brief, it was secretly procured from one of the temples, where,
gigantic as it may seem, and uncouth for the purpose, it was the idol's
principal teapot!"
"Oh delicious!" cried Lady Juliana, clasping her hands in ecstasy. "I
will give a party for the sole purpose of drinking tea out of this
machine; and I will have the whole room fitted up like an Indian temple.
Oh! it will be so new! I die to send out my cards. The Duchess of B-----
told me the other day, with such a triumphant air, when I was looking at
her two little green jars, not a quarter the size of this, that there
was not a bit more of that china to be had for love or money. Oh, she
will be so provoked!" And she absolutely skipped for joy.
A loud rap at the door now announcing a visitor, Lady Juliana ran to the
balcony, crying, "Oh, it must be Lady Gerard, for she promised to call
early in the morning, that we might go together to a wonderful sale in
some far-off place in the city--at Wapping, for aught I know. Mr.
Brittle, Mr. Brittle, for the love of heaven, carry the dragon into the
back drawing-room--I purchase it, remember!--make haste!--Lady Gerard
is not to get a glimpse of it for the world."
The servant now entered with a message from Lady Gerard, who would not
alight, begging that Lady Juliana would make haste down to her, as they
had not a moment to lose. She was flying away, without further ceremony
than a "Pray, excuse me," to the General, when her husband called after
her to know whether the child was gone out, as he wished to show her to
the General.
"I don't know, indeed," replied the fashionable mother; "I haven't had
time to see her to-day;" and, before Douglas could reply she was
downstairs.
A pause ensued--the General whistled a quickstep, and Douglas walked up
and down the room in a pitiable state of mind, guessing pretty much
what was passing in the mind of his friend, and fully sensible that it
must be of a severer nature than anything he could yet allow himself to
think of his Juliana.
"Douglas," said the General, "have you made any step towards a
reconciliation with your father-in-law? I believe it will become shortly
necessary for your support."
"Juliana wrote twice after her marriage," replied he; "but the reception
which her letters met with was not such as to encourage perseverance on
our part. With regard to myself, it is not an affair in which delicacy
will permit me to be very active, as I might be accused of mercenary
motives, which I am far from having."
"Oh, of that I acquit you; but surely it ought to be a matter of moment,
even to a---Lady Juliana. The case is now altered. Time must have
accustomed him to the idea of this imaginary affront; and, on my honour,
if he thought like a gentleman and a man of sense, I know where he would
think the misfortune lay. Nay, don't interrupt me. The old Earl must
now, I say, have cooled in his resentment; perhaps, too, his
grandchildren may soften his heart; this must have occurred to you. Has
her Ladyship taken any further steps since her arrival in town?"
"I--I believe she has not; but I will put her in mind."
"A daughter who requires to have her memory refreshed on such a subject
is likely to make a valuable wife!" said the General drily.
Douglas felt as if it was incumbent on him to be angry, but remained
silent.
"Hark ye, Douglas," continued the General, "I speak this for your
interest. You cannot go on without the Earl's help. You know I am not on
ceremony with you; and if I refrain from saying what you see I think
about your present ruinous mode of life, it is not to spare your
feelings, but from a sense of the uselessness of any such remonstrance.
What I do give you is with goodwill; but all my fortune would not
suffice to furnish pug-dogs and deformed teapots for such a vitiated
taste; and if it would, hang me if it should! But enough on this head.
The Earl has been in bad health, and is lately come to town. His son,
too, and his lady are to come about the same time, and are to reside
with him during the season. I have heard Lord Lindore spoken of as a
good-natured easy man, and he would probably enter willingly into any
scheme to reinstate his sister into his father's good graces. Think of
this, and make what you can of it; and my particular advice to you
personally is, try to exchange into a marching regiment; for a fellow
like you, with such a wife, London is the very devil! And so good
morning to you." He snatched up his hat, and was off in a moment.