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Transcriber’s Note: Obvious printer’s errors, such as inconsistent
spelling of the characters’ names, have been corrected.
DIE INSHURANCE BUSINESS.
A SERIO-COMIC DRAMA
IN THE
PENNSYLVANIA GERMAN VERNACULAR,
“AS SHE IS SPOKE”
IN THE GERMAN DISTRICTS OF PENNSYLVANIA.
BY
E. GRUMBINE, M. D.,
MT. ZION, PA.
PRICE, 20 CENTS.
Sent Post-paid by the Author on Receipt of Price. Sold also by
J. A. DeHuff, Bookseller, Lebanon, Pa.
PRESS OF
REPORT PUBLISHING CO., LTD.
LEBANON, PA.
CHARACTERS.
_Yokle Brownschweiger_ and _Frany Brownschweiger_,—An elderly
couple with a debt on their farm.
_Sallie Brownschweiger_,—Their daughter.
_Old Grandmother Aunshitz_,—Mrs. Brownschweiger’s mother; a
“good subject,” old and sickly, rather deaf.
_Henner Hoffman_,—An old neighbor who believes in the good old
times of “Lang Syne.”
_Wm. Shwinefelt_,—Insurance agent for the Yubee Co. and other
wild cat life insurance companies.
_Augustus Eslinger_,—A young store clerk of the village.
Sallie’s lover and Shwinefelt’s rival.
_Dr. Fraud_,—Examining physician for the Yubee Co.
_Abe Brownschweiger_ and _Ike Brownschweiger_,—Sallie’s
brothers, school boys.
_Yokle_ ought to have about three yards of plaited corn husk, _i. e._,
half of an unsewed door mat, and, as the curtain rises he is plaiting,
seated on a stool or chair, while _Ike_ picks corn husks out of a basket
and hands them to his “dawdy” as the latter needs them. Perhaps a
spinning wheel for _Frany_ would be better than sewing, or darning big
woolen stockings. The costumes ought to be suitable. For _Yokle_, _Frany_
and the rest of the family, farmers’ ordinary clothes, but not ragged nor
dirty. _Shwinefelt_ should be loudly dressed—large stand up collar with a
red necktie, big cuffs, etc. _Gust_, like a clerk, not quite so flashy.
_Sally_ ought to be the well dressed beauty of the play.
DIE INSHURANCE BUSINESS.
ACT I.
SCENE I.—_Brownschweiger’s sitting-room and kitchen. A family
scene. Yokle smoking pipe and plaiting corn husk mat. Ike on
the right picking and handing husks to him. Frany, in the
center sewing, dressed in cap and white handkerchief pinned
across her breast. On left, Grandmother Aunshitz in huge white
cap and spectacles seated in arm-chair, scraping an apple and
eating it. To her left, Sallie crocheting. Seated on the floor
to the left, Abe is covering a ball. Empty chair between Yokle
and Frany. Grandmother coughs a great deal._
YOKLE. Hurry up Ike und mach die wish net so dick. War der huxliter hide
do, mam?
FRANY. Yaw, den nu’midag.
YOKLE. Wie feel hen die oyer und der butter g’macht?
FRANY. Der butter is yusht 14 and die oyer yusht 16. Und du waisht das
dee hinkle net orrig layia by dem kolta wedder. Alles tsomma hut yusht
$1.92 g’macht, und des mus ich hovva. Dee Sallie mus en Polenay und en
hat hovva und—
ABE. O yaw, sell is der wake. Dee Sallie mus alles hovva und ich mus
worta. Der shool-maishter hot hite weeder g’saut ich set en neyee
cheeografee greega.
IKE. Yaw, dad, und ich mus en mental hovva.
YOKLE. Hob ich net neyee bicher grickt letsht winter?
ABE. Yaw, ovver sie missa widder all neyee greega den winter.
YOKLE. Well, boova, ich kan eich ken neyee bicher kaufa shun widder.
(_Granny coughs._)
FRANY. Horich! ’skomt ebber. Wos net alles drunner und drivver. (_Bustles
about and dusts chairs._)
(_Enter HENNER HOFFMAN. GRANNY coughs._)
HOFFMAN. Good novet!
YOKLE _and_ FRANY. Denky! Nem der’n sitz, Henner. (_He seats himself near
GRANNY._)
HOFFMAN. Kalt wedder.
YOKLE. Yaw, ’sis mechtig kalt.
FRANY. Dee kelt hot aw so free awgfanga den winter.
HOFFMAN. Yaw! (_To GRANNY in a loud voice._) Wee macht’s by eich als?
GRANNY. Feicht draus, is es? (_Coughs._) I ich hob net g’wist os es ebbes
runner macht!
HOFFMAN. (_Louder._) Nay ich hob g’froagt wie deer aw kommt. Sider als
g’sund.
GRANNY. O, nay, ich bin shlecht—greislich shlecht. Ich hob evva den
orriga hushta (_coughs_) un wer so eng. Und no bin ich so shlecht uf mina
baw! Ich bin evva olt—hair aw so shlecht!
HOFFMAN. Yaw, du guksht shlecht!
GRANNY. Was? (_Coughs._)
HOFFMAN. (_Louder._) I, ich sawg du guksht alendig!
GRANNY. Yaw, du awe! (_Coughs._)
HOFFMAN. (_Turning to YOKLE._) Ich say der side busy?
FRANY. Yaw, ich hab na gsaut sie missa shoobutzer flechta oder sie derfa
mir nimmy ins house met eera drekicha shtiffle.
YOKLE. Yaw, ’sdate note mer date dawg und nacht shoffa and ’swill doch
net longa naryets. Bis dee wibeslite dee fashions noche g’macht hen und
dee boova hen olly winter onnery bicher, bleibt ke cent ivverich bis es
yore rum is.
HOFFMAN. Ich will der evva sawga wees is, Yokle. Sis nimme wee es war
for olders. Dee tzeida sin nimme wee see waura. Ich mane evva 'swair
noch 'sbesht won de fry shoola net in der gong komma wara. Wee ich
in dee shool gonga bin, zum olda Stoffle Bender, drunna ins Feeser’s
Shpringhouse, do hut mer nix gevist fun denna sacha woo see olla wile
in de shoola hen. Do hut mer larna bushtaweera, no hut mer glasa im
Teshtament oder Psalter, and dee woo rechla und shriva hen wella dee hen
kenna, oder hens kenna bliva lossa. Swor noch en fry lond sella mole.
ABE. Hen see kay cheeografees g’shtudied sella zeit?
IKE. Und kay Mental?
HOFFMAN. Nix fun der ort. Und es hut shmartery menner und weiver gevva os
es olla wile dute.
SALLIE. Yaw, ovver sella mole het der kay telagraph und kay rigglewake
kot und—
ABE. Und kay may machine.
YOKLE. Abe, holt dy moul (_GRANNY coughs._)
HOFFMAN. All sellie dinga het mer aw allewile besser net. Wy dee
ferdifelda cars hen mer dee woch widder en kolp dode g’fawra!
ABE. (_Aside._) Sis shaud os es net der alt ux selwert war!
YOKLE.—Yaw, es mawg sei. Dee lite hen aw glaibt sell zeit. (_Works at
mat._)
HOFFMAN. Besser os allewile. Sella zeit hot mer der drom greega kenna for
en levvy dee quart oder dry cent der drunk. Now wella see aim en gons
week shtimma das der orm mon ken may drinka darf. Sell is dee fryhite
g’numma.
FRANY. Well, for selly fryhite bin ich net. Sgate dir wee em Irisha woo
sy mommy dote gshlawga hut, wee see en henka hen wella hut er gsawt,
“Sgait neemond nix awe, swaur my aig’ny mommy, und sis en fry lond!”
YOKLE. (_To IKE._) Mach dee wish net so dick, Ike. Yaw, du husht recht,
Henner. Won en mon en whisky drinka will, don lus em dee fryhite ains zu
nemma oder net.
SALLIE. Won der mon’s brouch, don brouch sy fraw es aw. Won du gsuffa
musht warra, don mus dy oldy Betsy awe. Wee datsht du sell gleicha zu
sana, Henner?
GRANNY. (_Coughs._) Ich mus drum widder hushta!
HOFFMAN. I konsht du don nix greega for dy hushta?
GRANNY. Was?
HOFFMAN. (_Louder._) Konsht nix usa for dy hushta?
GRANNY. I ich hob fom Redsecker seim “Balsom de Oltor” gnunima, und der
Yokle hut mer mole en buttle fom Ross seim “Cod Liver Oil—ale” gebrucht,
ovver’s hut kanes ken ousgekouter chaw duwak gebot (_coughs_). No is awe
mul sone rumlafer do hair kumma und hot mer en buttle Humberger oder
humbug droppa ferkauft—es hut awe nix gebot. Sell wor yusht so en lotwerk
bree.
HOFFMAN. Ich wase won meer dee yora als es kolt so kot hen, hen meer uns
tay gekucht und den dick sees g’macht mit browner zucker.
IKE. (_Aside._) Ich wet liever der zucker lanich!
FRANY. Ich moch 'ra oily owet tay!
GRANNY. I, ich drink tay! Olly owet en kuply fon dem Awdorn tay.
HOFFMAN. Sell is en fustraiter tay. My Betsy dut ols noch a wenig
mutter-kraut dazu, und a wenig gletta worzel, und a wenig shoferibba,
und a wenig gricka balsam, und a wenig rusmarye—dess kucht see recht
shtork und no mocht see en lot fooswasser, do dut see ols en gooty
hondful fish-solz dazu, note gait see ney mit de fees bis on dee gnee,
und _sell_ cured der hushta!
ABE. Ich wet ovver ferdultsy leever der hushta hovva os wee so en cure
nemma.
(_IKE falls asleep when YOKLE shakes him._)
YOKLE. Shlofe net do, Ike!
FRANY. I, won er so shlafrig is, gebt es uf bis en onner owet und lus de
boova in eera bet gay. Sallie, hole der grossmommy eera tay, no kon see
aw gay.
SALLIE. Yes, ma’am! (_Exit._)
YOKLE. Well, ick denk mer shtuppa es don. Do, doo den korb nous, boova,
und der shoobutzer. (_IKE and ABE exeunt with basket, etc._)
SALLIE. (_Enters with a teacup in a saucer._) Do, mommy, is ira bittera
tay. Er is ferleicht zu hais.
HOFFMAN. O! wee haiser, wee besser. (_GRANNY coughs._)
GRANNY. (_Drinks._) Ich denk ich gay awe in’s bet, und won der Henner mol
fort is, ken deer aw gay. Hen der don dee deera all g’shlussa?
YOKLE. Yaw, mir tenda zu sellem.
GRANNY. (_Coughs._) Ich wot dee nocht war witter rum.
(_Exits, assisted by FRANY who also exits._)
SALLIE. (_Aside._) Ich wunner won der old Hoffman fort will! Ich expect
der Gust noch den ovet. Er hut g’saut er kaimt won see der shtore zu
hetta. Ich will uf der shpeicher, gucka ep noch licht im shtore is.
(_Exits._)
HOFFMAN. Now, wile mer lay sin mus ich der sawga ferwas ich rivver komma
bin. Ich mus sell gelt hovva bis free yore.
YOKLE. Yaw, und ich hop kens. Es kosht mich feel und du waisht dee frucht
holt bol nix. Alles was ich uf macha kon mus ich in dee inshurance
cumpany bezawla. Du waisht ich hob en policy uf dem olda Yark Heverling.
Won seller mol nivver ginkt, kent ich dich gonz bezawla, und het noch
iverich.
HOFFMAN. Yaw, dar löbt so long os du. Uf sellem sy leicht kon ich net
worta. Du gebsht meer en judgment note oder mortgage uf en yore und no
well mer’s so lossa.
YOKLE. Sell doon ich net garn.
HOFFMAN. Judgment oder’s gelt will ich hovva!
YOKLE. Well, loss mer zeit for decida bis dee naiksht woch.
HOFFMAN. Yaw, well. Won ich deer der Shreef shicka date graicht ich
judgment, ovver sell date kushta macha.
YOKLE. Well, won ich ken $2,000 ousmacha kon, don mus ich der judgment
gevva bis dee naiksht woch.
HOFFMAN. Well, don daita mer’s so mocha. Good nocht. (_Exit._)
YOKLE. So wite is es! Mer maint es kent net sy! War sheer shulda fry
g’vest finf yore zurick, don bin ich in dee inshurance speklation
gonga, und ich bin ols weider ny komma. Und now mus ich judgment gevva
oder assignee mocha. (_Pause, starts up and walks._) Won yusht der olt
Heverling dote gingt!
(_Exit with lamp. Lights down. Stage dark._)
GUST ESLINGER. (_Sings outside. Instrumental accompaniment. AIR: “Was hat
Deutschland zu Erwarten.”_)
“Liebstes Schätschen, nun vor allen,
Könnt ich immer bei dir sein,
Thu’st am besten mir gefallen,
Soll’st auch meine liebste sein!”
(_Enter SALLIE slowly with lamp in her hand, turned down low._)
GUST (_sings_)—
“Bist mir schöner als die Blumen,
Bist mir süsser als der Wein!
Ach könnt ich doch zu dir kommen,
Könnt ich immer bei dir sein!”
(_SALLIE places lamp on table, opens door. GUST enters, takes both her
hands and they come down._)
GUST. Es wor mer so bong ich graicht dich nimmy zu sana. Ich hob dei
licht in deina shtup g’sana, no hob ich geglaubt du warsht shun in’s bed.
SALLIE. Yaw, es is aw zeit os du drin warsht. Ich hob nimmy on dich
gadenkt den ovet.
GUST. Aw, kom now, sell is net so. Du husht der gonz ovet gaguckt for
mich. Ich hop eppes gabrucht. Muldo! (_Opens a paper parcel and displays
candy. They seat themselves and he places it in her lap._) Waisht noch
sell olt rhymely?
“The rose is red, the violet’s blue,
Candy is sweet, and so are you!” (_Kisses her._)
SALLIE. Shemsht dich net? Wid dy ivver-ruck net ous du?
GUST. O, yo sell will ich. (_Takes off overcoat and hat._ SALLIE _hangs
them up. He places chairs courting fashion. He turns lamp very low._)
SALLIE. Net so nidder! Du machsts ous!
GUST. Won’s ous gait, mawgs! (_They seat themselves. He puts his arms
around her and—the curtain falls._)