Shews that there is no one human advantage to which all others
should be sacrificed:--the force of ambition, and the folly of
suffering it to gain too great an ascendant over us;--public
grandeur little capable of atoning for private discontent; among
which jealousy, whether of love or honour, is the most tormenting.
The desire of being well settled in the world is both natural and
laudable; but then great care ought to be taken to moderate this
passion, in order to prevent it from engrossing the mind too much; for
it is the nature of ambition, not only to stop at nothing that tends
to its gratification, but also to be ever craving new acquisitions,
ever unsatisfied with the former.--One favourite point is no sooner
gained, than another appears in view, and is pursued with the same
eagerness:--what we once thought the _summum bonum_ of our happiness,
seems nothing when we have attained to the possession of it, while
that which is unaccomplished, fires us with impatience, and robs us of
every enjoyment we might take in life.
Natura having now been absent two years, thought the idle rumours
concerning him, as to his principles in party-matters, would be pretty
much silenced, so began to think of returning to England; he was the
more encouraged to do so, as he found by his letters, that those in
the ministry, who had appeared with most virulence against him, had
been removed themselves, and that a considerable change in public
affairs had happened. Accordingly, he set forward with all the
expedition he could, feeling not the least regret for leaving a
country he had never liked, nor where he had ever enjoyed any real
satisfaction, and had been so near being plunged into the worst of
misfortunes, that of an unhappy marriage:--no ill accident
intervening, he arrived in England, and proceeded directly to London,
where he was received with an infinity of joy by his father and
sister, who happened at that time to come to town with her spouse, in
order to place a young son they had at Westminster school.
The better genius of Natura now took its turn, and prevailed over his
ill one: the person whose turbulent zeal had occasioned his late
misfortune, had since, being detected in some mal practice in other
affairs, been cashiered from an office he held under the government,
and was in the utmost disgrace himself: every body was now assured,
that Natura had done no more than what became any man of spirit and
honour; and those who before had condemned, now applauded his
behaviour: in fine, every thing happened according to his wishes, and,
to crown his happiness, he married about ten months after his arrival,
a young beautiful lady, of his father's recommendation, and who had
indeed all the qualifications that can render the conjugal state
desirable.
The promotion of a member of parliament to the house of peers for that
county in which their estate lay, happening soon after, he stood for
the vacant seat, and easily obtained it:--nothing now seemed wanting
to compleat his perfect happiness, yet so restless is the heart of
man, that gaining much, it yet craves for more; Natura had always a
great passion for the court, meerly because it was a court, and gave
an air of dignity to all belonging to it; he longed to make one among
the shining throng; he was continually solliciting it, with an anxiety
which deprived him of any true enjoyment of the blessings of his life;
nor could all the arguments his father used to convince him of the
vanity of his desires, nor the soft society of a most endearing and
accomplished wife, render him easy under the many disappointments he
received in the prosecution of this favourite aim.
The death of his father soon after, however, filled his bosom with
emotions which he had never felt before in any painful degree; he was
for some time scarce able to support the thoughts of having lost so
tender and affectionate a parent: but as nothing is so soon forgot as
death, especially when alleviated by the enjoyment of a greater
affluence of fortune, his grief wore off by pretty swift degrees, and
he was beginning to renew his pursuits after preferment, with the same
assiduity and ardency as ever, when his wife died in bringing into the
world a son. This second subject of sorrow struck indeed much more to
his heart than the former had done, as he now wanted that comforter he
had found in her.--All the consolation he had was in that little
pledge of their mutual affection she had left behind; and it was for
the sake of that dear boy, at least he imagined it so, that his
ambition of making a great figure in the world again, revived in him,
if possible, with greater energy than ever.
As he was now in possession of a very fine estate, had an agreeable
person, rendered yet more so by all the advantages of education and
travel, and not quite six-and-thirty, when he became a widower, his
year of mourning was scarce expired, before all his friends and
acquaintance began to talk to him of another wife, and few days past
without proposals of that nature being made; but either the memory of
the former amiable partner of his bed, or the experience he had in his
own family of the ill effects that second marriages sometimes produce,
made him deaf, for a long time, to any discourses on that head, though
urged by those who, in other matters, had the greatest ascendant over
him.
Though he was far from being arrived at those years which render a man
insensible of beauty, yet he was past those which had made him look on
the enjoyment of it as the supremest bliss:--the fond desires that
once engrossed him, had for some time given way to the more potent
ardors of ambition;--he now made not love his _business_ but
_amusement_; the amours he had were only transient, and merely to fill
the vacancy of an idle hour: his thoughts were so wholly taken up with
advancing himself, and becoming a man of consequence in the world,
that it may be reasonably supposed, by his behaviour, and the manner
in which he rejected all the offers made to him, that had he met with
a woman, in whom all the perfections of the sex were centered, she
would not have been able either to engage him to a serious attachment,
or to have quitted those more darling pursuits, which the desire of
greatness fired him with.
Thus fortified by his present inclinations against all the charms of
youth, of wit, of beauty, there was but one temptation he had not the
power of withstanding, and that one his ill fate at length presented
to him. A certain great person, who at that time was at the head of
public affairs, had a neice, who for many private reasons, he found it
necessary to dispose of in marriage: Natura was the man he happened to
pitch upon, as one who seemed to him a very proper person, and
accordingly made him the offer, accompanied with a promise of getting
him into a great post, which he knew he had been for a long time, and
was still, solliciting, though without any prospect of success,
without his assistance.
The young lady was not ugly, yet far from being mistress of charms
capable of captivating a heart which had been filled with so many
images of different beauties; but, as I have already said, love was
not now the reigning passion of Natura's soul, and had she been much
less amiable, the dowery she was to bring, sufficiently compensated
for all other deficiencies, according to his present way of judging.
He hesitated not a moment to accept the minister's proposal; and a
long courtship, as things were ordered between them, being needless,
he became again a husband, in a very few days, after the first mention
had been made of it, and at the same time was put in possession of
what was much more welcome to him than his bride, even tho' she had
been endowed with every virtue, every grace.
All for a time went smoothly on:--he saw himself in a rank and
precedence, his birth could never have expected:--his wife's uncle
loaded him with favours; he procured a commission of lieutenant in the
guards for his younger brother by his mother-in-law, whom, in spite of
the ill usage, with which both himself and his father had been treated
by her, he had a very great affection for;--he also got employments
for several others of his kindred;--his house was the rendezvous of
the gay and titled world;--his friendship was courted by all his
acquaintance, and his interest at court created him so many
dependants, that his levee was little inferior to that of the minister
himself.
This full attainment of all he wished, and even more than he had ever
dared to indulge the hope of, might well render him extremely
contented;--he was indeed pleased to excess, but the gladness of his
heart was so far a virtue in him, as it prevented him at first from
shewing any tokens of that pride, which a sudden variation of fortune
frequently excites.
It is certain, his behaviour was such as gained him an equal share of
love and respect; and he had this addition to his other blessings, of
not having his advancement envied; a thing pretty rare about a court,
where there are so many gaping after every office that falls.
They say ambition is a lust that is never quenched; and that the
enjoyment of much brings with it only an impatience for more; that
fresh objects, and new acquisitions, still presenting themselves, the
mind is ever restless, ever anxious in the endless pursuit.--It is
very likely this maxim might indeed have been verified in the mind of
Natura, after the hurry of transport for what he had already obtained
had been a little worn off, and made way for other aims; but he had
scarce given over congratulating himself on his success, before a
strange alteration, and such as he had least dreaded of, happened in
his humour, and rendered him wholly incapable of retaining the least
relish for all the blessings he possessed, and in which he so lately
placed the ultimate of his wishes.
The compliments paid to him on his promotion and marriage, the giving
and receiving visits from all his kindred and friends, together with
the duties of his post, so much engrossed him for the first two or
three months, that he had not time to give any attention to his
domestic affairs, and happy would it have been for his peace if he had
always continued in a total negligence in this point, as the fatal
inspection plunged him into such distractions, as required many long
years to compose.
In fine, he now discovered such dispositions to gallantry in his wife,
as inflamed him with jealousy, to such a degree as it would be
impossible to describe;--not that he had ever been possessed of any
extraordinary love or fondness on her account; but the injury which he
imagined was offered to his honour, by the freedoms with which she
entertained several of those young courtiers which frequented his
house, made him in a short time become the most discontented man
alive.
Utterly impossible was it for him to conceal his disquiets; though the
fears he had of displeasing the minister made him attempt it, as much
as possible, and conscious of his ill dissimulation that way, the
little notice she took of a chagrin he knew she could not but observe,
very much added to it, as it seemed a certain proof of her
indifference for him; a behaviour so widely different from the amiable
tenderness of his former wife, dissipated all the little affection he
had for her, and it was not long before she became even hateful to
him; his jealousy however abated not with his love, her dishonour was
his own, her person was his property by marriage, and the thoughts of
any encroachment on his right were insupportable to him.
Whether she was in fact as yet guilty of those violations of her duty,
which his imagination incessantly suggested to him she was, neither
himself, nor the world, were ever able to prove; but it is certain her
conduct was such, in every shape towards him, as gave but too much
room for suspicion in the least censorious, and which growing every
day more disagreeable to him, he at length had not the power of
feigning an inattention to it.--He remonstrated to her the value every
woman, especially those in high life, ought to set on her
reputation;--told her plainly, that the severest censures had been
past upon her, and without seeming to believe them just himself,
intreated her to act with more reserve for the future.
All this, though delivered in the most gentle terms he could invent,
had no other effect than to set her into an immoderate laughter:
nothing could be more provoking, than the contempt with which she
treated his advice; and on his insisting at last, in terms which she
might think were somewhat too strong, on her being less frequently
seen with some persons he mentioned to her, she answered in the most
disdainful tone, that when she came to his years, she might, perhaps,
look on the pleasures of life with the same eyes he did; but while
youth and good humour lasted, she should deny herself no innocent
indulgencies, and was resolved, let him and the world say what they
would, not to anticipate old age and wrinkles.
As Natura was not yet forty, in perfect health, and consequently not
past the prime of manhood, this reflection cast upon his years, could
not but add to his disgust of her that made it, and he replied with a
spite which was very visible in his countenance, that whatever
disparity there was between their ages, it would soon diminish by the
course of life she followed, and which, if she persisted in, would, in
a very little time, make her become an object below the voice of
censure.
They must know little of the sex, that do not know no affront can be
so stinging as one offered to their beauty, even tho' conscious of
having no great share of it; but the wife of Natura had heard too many
flatteries, not to inspire her with the highest idea of her charms,
which the little respect he now testified to have for them, did not at
all abate, and only served to make her despise his stupidity, as she
termed it.
No measures after this were kept between them; she seemed to take a
pleasure in every thing that gave him pain; she coquetted before his
face with every handsome man that came in her way, and in fine gave
herself such airs as the most patient husband could not have permitted
her long to persist in. Making use of the authority the laws had given
him, he, in a manner, forced her into the country, upwards of an
hundred miles from London, though it was then in the depth of winter,
and placed persons about her, with orders to prevent her from all
means of returning, till he should judge it proper for her so to do.
On this she wrote to her uncle, complaining of the hard treatment she
received, and beseeching him to take some measures to oblige her
husband to restore her liberty. The minister, who had at that time
much greater concerns upon his hands on his own account, did not care
to give himself any trouble about private family affairs; he only just
mentioned to Natura the letter she had sent to him, and the purport of
it; and on his relating to him the reasons that had compelled him to
put this restraint on her behaviour, told him, he should not interfere
between them; so that Natura found he had nothing to apprehend for
what he had done.
Finding this step had produced nothing for her purpose, she at last
condescended to submit to her justly offended husband; and on her
solemn and repeated promises of regulating her conduct for the future
in such a manner as he should approve, he was prevailed upon by her
seeming contrition, to consent to make trial how far her heart
corresponded with her professions:--it was agreed, to prevent the town
from inspecting too deeply on what had passed, that she should pretend
her absence from town had been the effect of her own choice, and for
giving the better colour, he went down himself, and brought her
up.--They lived together, after this, much better than they had done
for some months before their quarrel, and were now, in appearance,
perfectly reconciled; I say, in appearance, for all was outward shew,
neither of them had in their hearts the least true affection, nor
could forgive the other for what had passed between them.
The excessive constraint which both put upon themselves, in order to
conceal the real sentiments of their hearts from each other, as well
as from the world, could not but be extremely painful:--Natura
suffered her as little as possible out of his sight, though he could
have wished a possibility of avoiding her for ever, and was obliged to
do all he could, to make that pass for a fondness of her presence,
which was indeed only the effect of his jealousy of her behaviour in
absence:--she affected to think herself happy in his company, for no
other reason, than to win him to an assurance of her reformation, as
might render him less observant than he had been of what she did, even
at the time (as was afterwards discovered) when she seemed most sorry
and angry with herself for having given him any cause of suspicion
since their marriage.
Both, in fine, endured all that could make marriage dreadful,
especially Natura, who having with his former wife experienced all the
felicity of that state, was the more wretched by the sad alternative;
and as he could not sometimes forbear comparing the present with the
past, fell frequently into perfect convulsions of grief and remorse,
for having plunged himself into it.
A perpetual dissimulation is what human nature finds among the things
which are impossible to perform;--and I am pretty certain, that the
most artful person that ever breathed, could not, at all times, and in
all circumstances, restrain so far his real inclinations, as to give
no indications of them to an observing eye; and it is scarce probable,
but that the very attempt in Natura and his wife, gave rise to as many
reflections on their conduct in this point, as there was too much room
to make on others.
It was indeed a kind of farce acted by this unhappy pair, in which
both played their parts so aukwardly, that the real character would
frequently peep out, and though each dissembled, yet neither was
deceived; but as I said before, this could not last for ever; and the
ice being once broke in some unguarded humour either on the one or the
other side, I cannot pretend to affirm on which, the torrent of their
mutual disgust burst out with the greater force, for having been so
long pent up: it is hard to tell which testified the most virulence,
or expressed themselves in the most bitter terms:--all that can be
determined is, that those of Natura shewed most of _rage_, and those
his wife made use of, most of _hatred_.
After having fully vented all that was in their souls against each
other, both became more calm; and agreed in this, as the only resource
for ease in their present unhappy situation, to banish for the future
all deceit between them, and never more pretend the least kindness or
good-will to each other when in private, to lie in separate beds, and
to be as seldom as possible alone together; but for the sake of both
their reputations to continue in the same house, and before company to
behave with reciprocal politeness.
These terms rid Natura of a great part of that insupportable
constraint he had been under, but gave not the least satisfaction, as
to his jealousy of honour; he doubted not but she would be guilty of
many things, injurious in the highest degree to their public
character, and which yet it would not so well become him to exert his
authority in opposing, and these reflections gave him the most
terrible inquietude; which shews, that though _jealousy_ is called the
child of _love_, it is very possible to feel all the tortures of the
_one_, without being sensible of any of the douceurs of the _other_
passion.
How dearly now did Natura pay for the gratification of his
ambition!--What availed his grandeur, the respect paid him by his
equals, and the homage of the inferior world!--What the pride of
having it in his power to confer favours, when he had himself a heart
torn with the most fierce convulsions, and less capable of enjoying
the goods of fortune, than the most abject of those indigent
creatures, who petitioned for relief from him!--By day, by night,
alone, or in company, he was haunted with ideas the most distracting
to his peace.--A smile on the face of his wife, seemed to him to
proceed from the joy of having made some new conquest; a grave or
melancholly look, from a disappointment on the account of a favourite
gallant: yet as her person was the least thing he was tenacious of,
the behaviour of others gave him greater pain than any thing she could
do herself;--whoever spoke handsomely of her, he imagined insulted
him; and those who mentioned her not at all, he thought were sensible
of her levity, and his misfortune:--every thing he saw or heard,
seemed to him a sad memento of his dishonour; and though he could not
assure himself she had in fact been guilty of a breach of her virtue,
he was very certain she had been so of that reserve and modesty which
is the most distinguishable characteristic of it, and took from him
the power of vindicating her innocence, or his own honour even though
he had believed them safe, as becomes a husband, whose wife is more
cautious of her conduct in this point.
Too delicate of the censure of the world, it gave him the utmost
anxiety how to carry himself, so as not to afford any room to have it
said he was either a jealous, or a too credulous husband; yet in spite
of all his care, he incurred both these characters:--those who had
heard of his sending her into the country, without being acquainted
with the motives for his so doing, looked on him as the former; and
those who saw her manner of behaviour, and the seeming politeness of
his treatment of her, imagined him the latter:--so difficult is it for
any one, who only sees the outside of things, to judge what they are
in reality; yet the vanity of having it believed they are let into
secrets, makes a great many people invent circumstances, and then
relate for matters of fact, what are indeed no more than the
suggestions of imagination, or, what is yet worse, the coinage of
their own brain, without believing themselves what they take upon them
to report to others.
This undoubtedly happened on the score of Natura and his wife, and
occasioned not only many idle stories at tea-table conversation, but
also many oblique hints to be sometimes given to himself, which,
perhaps, there was not the least grounds for, but which greatly added
to his disquiets; as when we think we have reason to believe part, we
are ready to give credit to all we hear, especially in cases of this
nature; it being the peculiar property of jealousy, to force the mind
to grasp with eagerness, at every thing that tends to render it more
afflicted and perplexed.
BOOK the Third.