That to indulge any one fault, brings with it the temptation of
committing others, is demonstrated by the behaviour of Natura, and
the misfortunes and disgrace which an ill-judged shame had like to
have involved him in.
Never had Natura experienced so cruel a night; a thousand stratagems
came into his head, but for some reason or other all seemed alike
impracticable, and the morning found him in no more easy a
situation.--He put on his cloaths hastily, and resolved to go to all
the acquaintance he had in the world, and try the friendship of each,
by borrowing what sums he thought they might be able to spare: but
first, going into his father's closet, as was his custom every morning
to pay his duty to him, he found a person with him who was paying him
a large sum of money: the sight of what he so much wanted filled him
with inexpressible agitations:--he would have given almost a limb to
have had in his possession so much of that shining ore as Harriot
expected from him; and wished that some sudden accident, even to the
falling of the house, would happen, that in the confusion he might
seize on some part of the treasure he saw before him.
The person, after the affair which brought him there was over, took
leave of the father of Natura, who having thrown the money into his
bureau, to a large heap was there before, waited on him down stairs,
without staying to lock the drawer.
Often had Natura been present when his father received larger sums
than this, and doubtless had the same opportunity as now to make
himself master of some part, or all of it; but never till this unhappy
exigence had the least temptation to do so.--It came into his head
that the accident was perfectly providential, and that he ought not to
neglect the only means by which he could perform his promise;--that
his father could very well spare the sum he wanted, and that it was
only taking before the time what by inheritance must be his own
hereafter.--In this imagination he opened the drawer, and was about to
pursue his intention, when he recollected that the money would
certainly be missed, and either the fault be laid upon some innocent
person, who might suffer for his crime; or he himself would be
suspected of a thing, which, in this second thought, he found so mean
and wicked, that he was shocked almost to death, for having been
capable of even a wish to be guilty of it.--He shut the drawer
again,--turned himself away, and was in the utmost confusion of mind,
when his father returned into the room; which shews that there is a
native honesty in the human nature, which nothing but a long practice
of base actions can wholly eradicate: and I dare believe that even
those we see most hardened in vice, have felt severe struggles within
themselves at first, and have often looked back upon the paths of
virtue, wishing, tho' fruitlesly, to return.
Natura, however, did not give over his pursuit of the means of
performing his promise: on the contrary, he thought himself obliged by
all the ties of love, honour, and even self-interest, to do it; but
difficult as he believed the task would be, he found it much more so
than he could even have imagined: his intimacy being only with such,
as being much of his own age, and like him were at an allowance from
their parents or guardians, it was not in the power of any of them to
contribute a large sum toward making up that he wanted; the most he
got from any one being no more than five guineas, and all he raised
among the whole amounted to no more than twenty, and some odd pounds.
Distracted with his ill fortune, he ventured to go to an uncle he had
by the mother's side, and after many complaints of his father's
parsimony, told him, that having been drawn into some expences, which,
though not extravagant, were more than his little purse could supply,
he had broke into some money given him to pay his taylor, whom he
feared would demand it of his father, and he knew not how far the
ill-will of his mother-in-law might exaggerate the matter; concluding
with an humble petition for twenty guineas, which he told him he would
faithfully return by degrees.
As Natura had the character of a sober youth, the good old gentleman
was moved by the distress he saw him in, and readily granted his
request, tho' not without some admonitions to confine for the future
his expences to his allowance, be it ever so small.
Thus Natura having with all his diligence not been able to raise quite
half of the sum in question, was quite distracted what to do, and as
he afterwards owned, more than once repented him of those scruples
which had prevented him from serving himself at once out of his
father's purse; tho' had the same opportunity again presented itself,
it is scarce possible to believe by the rest of his behaviour, that he
would have made use of it, or if he had, that he could have survived
the shame and remorse it would have caused in him.
In his desperation he ran at last to the house of a noted
money-scrivener, a great acquaintance of the family, and in his whose
hands his father frequently reposed his ready cash: to this man he
communicates his distress, and easily prevails with him to let him
have fifty pounds, on giving him a note to pay him an hundred for it
when he should come of age, his father having said he would then make
a settlement on him.
This, however, was still somewhat short of what Harriot had demanded;
but he left his watch at a pawn-broker's for the rest; and having
compleated the sum, went transported with joy, and threw it into the
lap of that idol of his soul; after which, he was for some days
perfectly at ease, indulging himself with all he at present wished
for, and losing no time in thought of what might happen to interrupt
his happiness.
But while he battened in the sun-shine of his pleasures, storms of
vexation were gathering over his head, which, when he least expected
such a shock, poured all their force upon him.
The first time his uncle happened to see his father, he fell on the
topic of the necessity there was for young gentlemen born to estates,
and educated in a liberal manner, to be enabled to keep his equals
company; adding, that if the parsimony of a parent, denied them an
allowance, agreeable to their rank, it might either drive them to ill
courses, or force them to associate themselves only with mean,
low-bred people, among whom they might lose all the politeness had
been inculcated into them. The father of Natura, well knowing he had
nothing to answer for on this account, never suspected this discourse
was directed to him in particular, and joined in his brother-in-law's
opinion, heartily blaming those parents, who, by being too sparing to
their children, destroyed all natural affection in them, and gave them
some sort of an excuse for wishing for their death:--he thanked God he
was not of that disposition, and then told him what he allowed per
quarter to Natura, 'with which,' added he, 'I believe he is intirely
satisfied.' The other replying, that indeed he thought it more than
sufficient, the conversation dropped; but what sentiments he now began
to conceive of his nephew it is easy to conceive; the father however
thought no farther of this, till soon after the scrivener came to wait
on him:--he was a perfect honest man, and had lent Natura the money
meerly to prevent his applying to some other person, who possibly
might have taken advantage of his thoughtlessness, so far as even to
have brought on his utter ruin, too many such examples daily happening
in the world: to deter him also from going on in this course, he
demanded that exorbitant interest for his money abovementioned, which,
notwithstanding, as he assured his father, in relating to him the
whole transaction, he was far from any intention to make him pay.
Never was astonishment greater than that in which the father of Natura
was now involved;--the discourse of his brother-in-law now came fresh
into his mind, and he recollected some words which, tho' he did not
observe at the time they were spoken, now convinced him had a meaning
which he could not have imagined there was any room for.--He had no
sooner parted from the scrivener, than he flew to that gentleman, and
having related to him what had passed between him and the scrivener,
conjured him, if he could give him any farther lights into the affair,
not to keep him in ignorance: on which the other thought it his duty
to conceal nothing, either of the complaints, or request had been made
him by his nephew:--after some exclamations on the extravagance and
thoughtlessness of youth, the afflicted father went in search of more
discoveries, which he found it but too easy to make among the
tradesmen, all of whom he found had been unpaid for some time.
It would be needless to go about to make any description of the
confusion of mind he was in:--he shut himself in his closet, uncertain
for some time how he should proceed; at last, as he considered there
was not a possibility of reclaiming his son from whatever vice had led
him thus all at once into such extravagancies, without first knowing
what kind of vice it was; he resolved to talk to him, and penetrate,
if possible, into the source of this evil.
Accordingly the next morning he went into the chamber where Natura was
yet in bed; and began to entertain him in the manner he had proposed
to himself:--first, he let him know, that he was not unacquainted with
every step he had taken for raising a sum, which he could not conceive
he had any occasion for, as well as his having with-held the money he
had given him to discharge his tradesmen's bills:--then proceeded to
set before his eyes the folly and danger of having hid, at his years,
any secrets from a parent; concluding with telling him, he had yet a
heart capable or forgiving what was past, provided he would behave in
a different manner for the future.
What Natura felt at finding so much of what he had done revealed to
his father, was greatly alleviated, by perceiving that the main thing,
his engagement with Harriot, was a secret to him:--he did not fail to
make large promises of being a better oeconomist, nor to express the
most dutiful gratitude for the pardon the good old gentleman so
readily offered; but this he told him was not sufficient to deserve a
re-establishment in his favour, he must also give him a faithful
account by what company, and for what purposes he had been induced to
such ill husbandry; 'for,' added he, 'without a sincere confession of
the motives of our past transactions, there can be little assurances
of future amendment.'
Natura to this only answered, that it was impossible to recount the
particulars of his expences, and made so many evasions, on his
father's still continuing to press his being more explicit, that he
easily perceived there would be no coming at the truth by gentle
means; and therefore, throwing off at once a tenderness so
ineffectual, he assumed all the authority of an offended parent, and
told the trembling Natura, that since he knew not how to behave as a
_son_, he should cease to be a _father_, in every thing but in his
authority:--'be assured,' said be, 'I shall take sure measures to
prevent you from bringing either ruin or disgrace upon a family of
which you are the first profligate:--this chamber must be your prison,
till I have considered in what fashion I shall dispose of you.'
With these words he flung out of the room, locking the door after him;
so that when Natura rose, as he immediately did, he found himself
indeed under confinement, which seemed so shameful a thing to him, that
he was ready to tear himself in pieces:--it was not the grief of having
offended so good a father, but the disgrace of the punishment inflicted
on him, which gave him the most poignant anguish, and far from feeling
any true contrition, he was all rage and madness, which having no means
to vent in words, discovered itself in sullenness:--when the servant to
whom he intrusted the key came in to bring him food, he refused to eat,
and could scarce restrain himself from throwing in the man's face what
he had brought.
It is certain, that while under this circumstance, he was agitated at
once by every different unruly passion:--pride, anger, spleen,
thinking himself a man, at finding the treatment of a _boy_, made him
almost hate the person from whom he received it.--The apprehensions
what farther meaning might be couched in the menace with which his
father left him, threw him sometimes into a terror little different
from convulsive;--but above all, his impatience for seeing his dear
Harriot, and the surprize, the grief, and perhaps the resentment, he
imagined she must feel on his absenting himself, drove him into a kind
of despair.
In fine, unable to sustain the violence of his agitations, on the
third night, regardless of what consequences might ensue from giving
this additional cause of displeasure to his father, he found means to
push back the lock of his chamber, and flew down stairs, and out at
the street-door with so much speed, that it would have been impossible
to have stopped him, had any one heard him, which none happened to do,
it being midnight, and all the family in a sound sleep.
That he went directly to the lodgings of Harriot, I believe my reader
will make no doubt; but perhaps her character does not yet enough
appear, to give any suspicion of the reception he found there.
In effect, she was no other than one of those common creatures, who
procure a miserable subsistance by the prostitution of their charms;
and as nature had not been sparing to her on that score, and she was
yet young, though less so than she appeared thro' art, she wanted not
a number of gallants, who all contributed, more or less, to her living
in the manner she did: several of these had happened to come when
Natura was with her; but she having had the precaution to acquaint
them with her design of drawing in this young spark for a husband,
they took the cue she gave them, each passing before him either for a
cousin, or one of the lawyers employed in her pretended suit.
It was with one of these equally happy, tho' less deluded rivals of
Natura, that finding he did not come, she had agreed to pass this
night; and her maid, as the servants of such women, for the most part,
imitate their mistresses, happened to be at the door, either about to
introduce, or let out a lover of her own;--the sight of a man at that
time of night, with one who belonged to his beloved, immediately fired
Natura with jealousy:--he seized the fellow by the collar, and in a
voice hoarse with rage, asked him what business he had there? To which
the other replied only with a blow on the face, the wench shrieked out,
but Natura was either stronger or more nimble than his competitor; he
presently tripped up his heels, and ran up stairs.--Harriot and her
lover hearing somewhat of a scuffle, the latter started out of bed, and
opened the chamber-door, in order to listen what had occasioned it,
just as Natura had reached the stair-case.--If his soul was inflamed
before, what must it now have been, to see a man in his shirt, and just
risen from the arms of Harriot, who still lay trembling in bed:--he
flew upon him like an incensed lion; but the other being more robust,
soon disengaged himself and snatching his sword, which lay on a table
near the door, was going to put an end to the life of his disturber;
when Harriot cried out, 'Hold! hold!--for heaven's sake!--It is my
husband!'--Natura having no weapon wherewith he might defend himself,
or hurt his adversary, revenge gave way to self-preservation; and only
saying, 'husband, no;--I will die rather than be the husband of so vile
a woman,' run down with the same precipitation he had come up.
Impossible it is to describe the condition of his mind when got into
the street:--his once violent affection was now converted into the
extremest hatred and contempt;--he detested not only Harriot, and the
whole sex, but even himself, for having been made the dupe of so
unworthy a creature, and could have tore out his own heart, for having
joined with her in deceiving him.--Having wandered about some time,
giving a loose to his fury, the considerations of what he should do,
at last took their turn:--home he could not go, the servant who used
to admit him knew nothing of his being out, and he durst not alarm the
family by knocking at the door, having passed by several times, and
found all fast.
In this perplexity, as he went through a street he had not been used
to frequent, he saw a door open, and a great light in a kind of hall,
with servants attending:--he asked one of them to whom it belonged,
and was told it was a gaming-house, on which he went in, not with any
desire of playing, but to pass away some time; finding a great deal of
company there, he notwithstanding engaged himself at one of the
tables, and tho' he was not in a humour which would permit him to
exert much skill, he won considerably.
The company did not break up till five in the morning, and he then
growing drowsy, and yet unable to find any excuse to make to his
father, he could not think of seeing his face, so went to a bagnio to
take that repose he had sufficient need of, the fatigues of his mind
having never suffered him to enjoy any sound sleep, since his father's
discovery of the extravagance he had been guilty of.
On his awaking, the transaction of the preceding night returned to his
remembrance with all its galling circumstances, and the more he
reflected on his disobedience to his father, the less he could endure
the thoughts of coming into his presence:--in fine, that shame which
so often prevents people from doing amiss, was now the motive which
restrained him from doing what he ought to have done.--Had he
immediately gone home, thrown himself at his father's feet, and
confessed the truth, his youthful errors had doubtless merited
forgiveness; but this, though he knew it was both his duty, and his
interest, he could not prevail on himself to do; and to avoid the
rebukes he was sensible were due to his transgressions, he resolved to
hide himself as long as he could from the faces of all those who had a
right to make them.
In fine, he led the life of a perfect vagabond, sculking from one
place to another, and keeping company with none but gamesters, rakes,
and sharpers, falling into all manner of dissolution; and whenever his
reason remonstrated any thing to him on these vicious courses, he
would then, to banish remorse for one fault, fly to others, yet worse,
and more destructive.
It is true, he often looked back upon his _former_ behaviour, and was
struck with horror at comparing it with the _present_;--the reflection
too how much his mother-in-law might take advantage of the just
displeasure of his father against him, to prejudice him in his future
fortune, even to cause him to be disinherited, sometimes most cruelly
alarmed him; yet, not all this, nor the wants he was plunged in on an
ill run at play, (which was the sole means by which he subsisted) were
sufficient to bring him to do that which he now even wished to do,
tired with the conversation of those profligates, and secretly shocked
at the scenes of libertinism he was a daily witness of.
His thoughts thus divided and perplexed, he at length fell into a kind
of despair; and not caring what became of himself, he resolved to
enter on board some ship, and never see England again, unless fortune
should do more than he had reason to hope for in his favour.