_An Apartment in the house of MR. CODDLE; windows at the back with
curtains; the doors are edged with list and leather. Table and chairs;
an easy chair in the centre of the stage; MRS. CODDLE discovered at
the table, a note in her hand._
MRS. COD. How very odd! how very strange! though this note arrived
last night, I have scarcely done anything since but read
it.--(_Reads._)--"My dear Mrs. Coddle, pray pardon the warmth of my
temper that led me to use certain expressions to you, of which, at the
time, I was not conscious--though now, on recollection of them, I
express my sorrow. Forgive me, and dine with us at five to-morrow, do
not dissappoint me on your life, as I have a strong reason for
inviting you; bring Coddle with you, of course. Sincerely yours,
Emmeline Lynx." What a strange woman! who would suppose, that
yesterday, she desired me to quit the house and never enter there
again. Well, I'm resolved to go. What a length of time Coddle takes
for dressing; 'tis now half-past four, and I have been ready this
hour.--(_She knocks at R. H. D._)--Coddle, you drone, make haste.
COD. (_Within._)--I shall be ready immediately--I am now putting on my
fourth waistcoat.
MRS. COD. And he wears _six_--how the man can exist in such a state, I
know not; and what is the matter with him, I am equally at a loss to
guess; he has been overpowered with nervous agitation, and in a high
fever all the morning--has been talking in his sleep all night. I
could only catch the words "Dont,--I'll say any thing--declare any
thing--but don't;"--the man has something on his mind--what can it
be?--He surely can't have committed any crime--a robbery, nor a
murder?--oh, the monster! I must question him.--(_Enter CODDLE,
R. H. D., dressed for a dinner party._)--Well, my dear, are you
better?
COD. Not much--I feel very faint.
MRS. COD. Give me your hand.--(_CODDLE presents his hand
timidly._)--Dear--dear--what a burning fever you are in--your hands
are like live coals; and what a pulse.--(_Feeling his
pulse._)--Heaven's, Samuel!--you are ill!
COD. I am.
MRS. COD. And the cause is not so much bodily infirmity as mental
anxiety.
COD. Lord!--do you--do you think so?
MRS. COD. You are fainting--let me open the windows.
COD. No--no--not for worlds.
MRS. COD. What has caused this fever?
COD. I--I--don't know.
MRS. COD. Coddle, your mind is diseased.
COD. My dear, don't speak to me in that fierce manner, you make me
tremble from head to foot.
MRS. COD. You pass'd a wretched night.
COD. I did.
MRS. COD. You talk'd in your sleep.
COD. No!--(_Alarmed._)--Did I--what did I say?
MRS. COD. Sufficient to rouse my suspicions.
COD. I have been criminating myself--'twas while I was dreaming of
being hanged.--(_Aside._)--What _will_ become of me?
MRS. COD. Tell me--what is this matter that has so suddenly
disconcerted you?
COD. Ah--she don't know--I breathe again.
MRS. COD. Answer me, Sir; what have you done?
COD. I--I--left off my life-preserving under-waistcoat, yesterday.
MRS. COD. Base equivocator--you shall have no rest, depend upon it,
till I am perfectly acquainted with the cause of your agitation. I
have watched your actions, Sir, more than you are aware of; 'tis
something in which Mr. Lynx is concerned; I observed you, when you
returned from his house yesterday, you came home quite an altered
man--you that were not to be roused by any thing that did not
interfere with your own immediate comfort, seemed suddenly to have
changed your nature: the servant left your room door open, unchecked;
a broken pane close to your ear escaped your notice--you ate no
supper--you ordered no fire in your bed-room--and your sleep was
disturbed by sighs and groans, and words of guilt.--Ha!--I have made
you tremble--now, Sir, I shall leave you, and in the meantime you will
do well to prepare for a confession that I am resolved to wring from
you.--(_Aside._)--I have shaken him from his lethargy at last.
[_Exit, L. H._
COD. I am a lost man--I knew my day of reckoning would arrive. Mary
suspects something, that's clear--um!--and I'm going out to dinner
too--what a dinner it will be to me; it must be a feast of poison, and
a flow of woe--if my secret is preserved, my promise to Lynx must lead
to a commotion.--Who can this girl be that I undertake to own? Ha!
ha!--now I think of it, I am safe; he _dare_ not betray me, he is as
much in _my_ power as I am in _his_--yet how could he have discovered
my unhappy situation? He won't acknowledge that. No--no; he considers
that mystery adds to his strong hold upon me. I have borrowed a book
of criminal jurisprudence, from my attorney.--I want to learn the
utmost penalty of the law for my offence.--(_He takes a book from his
pocket and turns over the leaves._)--Here it
is--bigamy!--(_Reads._)--"If guilty,"--what? "_transportation for
life._" Oh!--(_Falling in a chair._)--Think of my being at Botany
Bay--working night and day--summer and winter--in trousers without
lining--only a shirt on my back--and a chain round my leg; no umbrella
to put up when it rains, no such thing as a yard of Welch flannel
within a thousand miles of me, and nothing aired for me--I should
die--the first damp night would send me to the tomb of the
Coddles--oh!--(_Shuddering._)
_Re-enter MRS. CODDLE, introducing MR. and MRS. DISMAL._
MRS. COD. Come in, come in; there is nobody here but Coddle.
COD. Ah, Mr. Dismal!--I was thinking of you.
MRS. COD. Mr. and Mrs. D. have also received an invitation to dine at
Lynx's to-day--and have called, in passing, to know if we were also
going.
MRS. DIS. How ill poor Mr. Coddle looks!
DIS. What is the matter with him?
MRS. COD. I'm sure I can't tell, he keeps the cause of his illness a
profound secret.
MRS. DIS. He's like me--he loves to pine in solitude, and brood over
unrevealed sorrows.
DIS. You love to be a fool.
MRS. COD. Our friends are as much surprised at receiving an invitation
from Mrs. Lynx as we were.
MRS. DIS. For the last time we called there the poor woman thought
proper to be jealous of _me_.
DIS. There was only that wanting to prove her madness.
MRS. DIS. But she has a cause for her jealousy.
DIS. Certainly, when you are present.
MRS. DIS. Didn't we see him, yesterday, following a young person past
our house?
DIS. What of that? 'tis a natural impulse to which our sex are
peculiarly subject.
MRS. COD. Except Mr. Coddle--were Venus herself to rise from the sea
before him, he'd take to his heels for fear of catching cold from the
foam.
MRS. DIS. Tell Mr. Coddle the strange result of our inquiries,
respecting Mr. Lynx's conduct.
DIS. Pooh! tell him yourself.
MRS. DIS. The young person that we saw Mr. Lynx following, and
striving to speak to, was joined by an elderly lady in black.
COD. Eh! an elderly lady in black--'twas she, he told me she was in
black.--(_aside._)
MRS. DIS. Of a very masculine appearance--Mr. Lynx seemed to enter
into earnest conversation with her; when they parted, the two ladies
entered a boarding-house, next door to us; our servant, gossiping with
the footman, there ascertained that the elderly lady in black----
COD. Well----
MRS. DIS. Had just arrived from Antigua----
MRS. COD. Where your property is situated.--(_To CODDLE._)
MRS. DIS. That she had taken lodgings there for a short time, her
object being to discover her husband, who had left her in the West
Indies, and whose name, strange to say, was----
COD. (_Who has started up during MRS. D's narrative, and is regarding
her with intense curiosity, now falls back into his chair._)--Oh!
MRS. COD. What's the matter?--what's the matter?
DIS. He's fainted----
MRS. DIS. Here, here are my salts.
DIS. Open the windows--open the windows.
MRS. COD. No, no, you will kill him if you do.--(_DISMAL makes to the
windows, but is checked by MRS. CODDLE; CODDLE, on hearing that the
windows are to be opened, is about to start from his chair, but checks
himself and resumes his position._)
MRS. DIS. Get him some water--ring the bell.
MRS. COD. Stay stay, I'll go myself.--(_MRS. CODDLE runs off
R. H. F. E. CODDLE suddenly starts up between MR. and MRS. DISMAL, and
takes a hand of each._)
COD. As you love me--if you do not wish to see me lifeless at your
feet, breathe not a syllable relative to the elderly lady in
black--mention not her name.
DIS. 'Twas your own----
COD. I know it, I know it--'tis a terrible secret; a story of horror
and despair; when we are alone, you shall know all--but not a word
now. I beg--I implore--I pray--ah, my wife!--(_He falls back again
into his chair._)
_Re-enter MRS. CODDLE, with a glass of water._
MRS. DIS. He's better now.
DIS. Much better.
COD. (_Affecting to revive._)--Considerably better.
MRS. COD. I don't wonder at your fainting, my only surprize is that
you can breathe at all, in such an atmosphere; there's not a breath of
air permitted to enter the room. Phew! I'm stifled; excuse me a
moment, my friends, I wish to speak to Coddle alone.--(_DISMAL and his
wife are going._)--No, no--don't leave the room.
COD. (_Aside._)--What can she be going to say?
MRS. COD. Samuel!
COD. My love!
MRS. COD. Surely your agitation, and your sudden faintness cannot
arise from any apprehension?
COD. Of what?
MRS. COD. That this elderly lady, in black, is----
COD. No, no, no--oh, dear! no, no.
MRS. COD. You anticipate me--not what?
COD. Not--I don't know? what were you going to say?
MRS. COD. I have very strange and very terrible suspicions! 'tis
surely no poor creature that you, in the hey-day of your youth----
COD. No, no, no--my dear! How can you think--how can you dream of such
a thing? I never had any hey-day--never; don't think that of me. Come,
come--let us go to Lynx's to dinner. Get ready, dear; get ready.
MRS. COD. I strongly suspect you.--(_MRS. CODDLE goes up the stage,
and throws a shawl on her shoulders._)
COD. What will become of me? If I escape the imputation of bigamy, the
subject of that girl will be sufficient to bring my wife's vengeance
on my head; I'll run and drown myself in a warm bath. I'll--no, no--I
must rouse, I must rouse; I must summon all my courage--all my
fortitude--and bring out what little of the devil I have left in me.
MRS. COD. Now, Coddle, I'm quite ready.
COD. So am I.--(_Putting on his hat._)--Come along, I shall be very
gay to-day; you will wonder what possesses me. I shall be so gay; come
Mrs. Dismal, take my arm, my dear; 'tis bad taste to walk with one's
wife. D., look to Mrs. Coddle!
MRS. COD. The man's mad----
DIS. Raving.
COD. You shall see me to advantage, to-day; I feel a new man; you may
open all the doors and windows in the house. I'll do any thing
desperate, to-day--walk to Lynx's, without my coat, hat, any
thing--come, my love.--Come Dismal.--Fol de rol, de rol lol.--(_CODDLE
dances off with MRS. DISMAL, L. H._)
MRS. COD. Mad!
DISMAL. Gone, quite gone.
[_Exeunt following._