Alice and I were preparing for the first ball, when Charles came home,
having been absent several weeks. The conservatory was finished, and
looked well, jutting from the garden-room, which we used often, since
the weather had been cold. The flowers and plants it was filled with
were more fragrant and beautiful than rare. I never saw him look so
genial as when he inspected it with us. Alice was in good-humor, also,
for he had brought her a set of jewels.
"Is it not her birthday," he said, when he gave her the jewel case,
"or something, that I can give Cassandra this?" taking a little box
from his pocket.
"Oh yes," said Alice; "show it to us."
"Will you have it?" he asked me.
I held out my hand, and he put on my third finger a diamond ring,
which was like a star.
"How well it looks on your long hand!" said Alice.
"What unsuspected tastes I find I have!" I answered. "I am
passionately fond of rings; this delights me."
His swarthy face flushed with pleasure at my words; but, according to
his wont, he said nothing.
A few days after his return, a man came into the yard, leading a
powerful horse chafing in his halter, which he took to the
stable. Charles asked me to look at a new purchase he had made in
Pennsylvania. The strange man was lounging about the stalls when we
went in, inspecting the horses with a knowing air.
"I declare, sir," said Jesse, "I am afeared to tackle this ere animal;
he's a reglar brute, and no mistake."
"He'll be tame enough; he is but four years old."
"He's never been in a carriage," said the man.
"Lead him out, will you?"
The man obeyed. The horse was a fine creature, black, and thick-maned;
but the whites of his eyes were not clear; they were streaked with
red, and he attempted continually to turn his nostrils inside out.
Altogether, I thought him diabolical.
"What's the matter with his eyes?" Charles asked.
"I think, sir," the man replied, "as how they got inflamed like, in
the boat coming from New York. It's nothing perticalar, I believe."
Alice declared it was too bad, when she heard there was another horse
in the stable. She would not look at him, and said she would never
ride with Charles when he drove him.
I had been taking lessons of Professor Simpson, and was ready for
the ball. All the girls from the Academy were going in white, except
Helen, who was to wear pink silk. It was to be a military ball, and
strangers were expected. Ben Somers, and our Rosville beaux, were
of course to be there, all in uniform, except Ben, who preferred the
dress of a gentleman, he said,--silk stockings, pumps, and a white
cravat.
We were dressed by nine o'clock, Alice in black velvet, with a wreath
of flowers in her black hair--I in a light blue velvet bodice, and
white silk skirt. We were waiting for the ball hack to come for us, as
that was the custom, for no one owned a close coach in Rosville, when
Charles brought in some splendid scarlet flowers which he gave to
Alice.
"Where are Cassandra's?"
"She does not care for flowers; besides, she would throw them away on
her first partner."
He put us in the coach, and went back. I was glad he did not come with
us, and gave myself up to the excitement of my first ball. Alice was
surrounded by her acquaintances at once, and I was asked to dance a
quadrille by Mr. Parker, whose gloves were much too large, and whose
white trowsers were much too long.
"I kept the flowers you gave me," he said in a breathless way.
"Oh yes, I remember; mustn't we forward now?"
"Mr. Morgeson's very fond of flowers."
"So he is. How de do, Miss Ryder."
Miss Ryder, my vis-à-vis, bowed, looking scornfully at my partner, who
was only a clerk, while hers was a law student. I immediately turned
to Mr. Parker with affable smiles, and went into a kind of dumb-show
of conversation, which made him warm and uncomfortable. Mrs. Judge
Ryder sailed by on Ben Somers's arm.
"Put your shoulders down," she whispered to her daughter, who had
poked one very much out of her dress. "My love," she spoke aloud, "you
mustn't dance _every_ set."
"No, ma," and she passed on, Ben giving a faint cough, for my benefit.
We could not find Alice after the dance was over. A brass band
alternated with the quadrille band, and it played so loudly that we
had to talk at the top of our voices to be heard. Mine soon gave out,
and I begged Mr. Parker to bring Helen, for I had not yet seen her.
She was with Dr. White, who had dropped in to see the miserable
spectacle. The air, he said, shaking his finger at me, was already
miasmal; it would be infernal by midnight Christians ought not to be
there. "Go home early, Miss. Your mother never went to a ball, I'll
warrant."
"We are wiser than our mothers."
"And wickeder; you will send for me to-morrow."
"Your Valenciennes lace excruciates the Ryders," said Helen. "I was
standing near Mrs. Judge Ryder and the girls just now. 'Did you ever
see such an upstart?' And, 'What an extravagant dress she has on--it
is ridiculous,' Josephine Ryder said. When Ben Somers heard this
attack on you, he told them that your lace was an heirloom. Here he
is." Mr. Parker took her away, and Ben Somers went in pursuit of a
seat. The quadrille was over, I was engaged for the next, and he had
not come back. I saw nothing of him till the country dance before
supper. He was at the foot of the long line, opposite a pretty girl
in blue, looking very solemn and stately. I took off the glove from my
hand which wore the new diamond, and held it up, expecting him to look
my way soon. Its flash caught his eyes, as they roamed up and down,
and, as I expected, he left his place and came up behind me.
"Where did you get that ring?" wiping his face with his handkerchief.
"Ask Alice."
"You are politic."
"Handsome, isn't it?"
"And valuable; it cost as much as the new horse."
"Have you made a memorandum of it?"
"Destiny has brilliant spokes in her wheel, hasn't she?"
"Is that from the Greek tragedies?"
"To your places, gentlemen," the floor-manager called, and the band
struck up the Fisher's Hornpipe. At supper, I saw Ben Somers, still
with the pretty girl in blue; but he came to my chair and asked me if
I did not think she was a pretty toy for a man to play with.
"How much wine have you drunk? Enough to do justice to the family
annals?"
"Really, you have been well informed. No, I have _not_ drunk enough
for that; but Mrs. Ryder has sent her virgins home with me. I am
afraid their lamps are upset again. I drink nothing after to-night.
You shall not ask again, 'How much?'"
My fire was out when I reached home. My head was burning and aching.
I was too tired to untwist my hair, and I pulled and dragged at my
dress, which seemed to have a hundred fastenings. Creeping into bed,
I perceived the odor of flowers, and looking at my table discovered a
bunch of white roses.
"Roses are nonsense, and life is nonsense," I thought.
When I opened my eyes, Alice was standing by the bed, with a glass of
roses in her hand.
"Charles put these roses here, hey?"
"I suppose so; throw them out of the window, and me too; my head is
splitting."
"To make amends for not giving you any last night," she went on; "he
is quite childish."
"Can't you unbraid my hair, it hurts my head so?"
She felt my hands. I was in a fever, she said, and ran down for
Charles. "Cass is sick, in spite of your white roses."
"The devil take the roses. Can't you get up, Cassandra?"
"Not now. Go away, will you?"
He left the room abruptly. Alice loosened my hair, bound my head, and
poured cologne-water over me, lamenting all the while that she had not
brought me home; and then went down for some tea, presently returning
to say that Charles had been for Dr. White, who said he would not
come. But he was there shortly afterward. By night I was well again.
Dr. Price gave us a lecture on late hours that week, requesting us, if
we had any interest in our education, or expected him to have any, to
abstain from balls.
Ben Somers disappeared; no one knew where he had gone. The Ryders were
in consternation, for he was an intimate of the family, since he
had gone into Judge Ryder's office, six weeks before. He returned,
however, with a new overcoat trimmed with fur, the same as that with
which my new cloak was trimmed. A great snowstorm began the day of his
return, and blocked us indoors for several days, and we had permanent
sleighing afterward.
In January it was proposed that we should go to the Swan Tavern, ten
miles out of Rosville.
I had made good resolutions since the ball, and declined going to the
second, which came off three weeks afterward. The truth was, I did not
enjoy the first; but I preferred to give my decision a virtuous tinge.
I also determined to leave the Academy when the spring came, for I
felt no longer a schoolgirl. But for Helen, I could not have remained
as I did. She stayed for pastime now, she confessed, it was so dull at
home; her father was wrapped in his studies, and she had a stepmother.
I resolved again that I would study more, and was translating, in view
of this resolve, "Corinne," with Miss Prior, and singing sedulously
with Mrs. Lane, and had begun a course of reading with Dr. Price.
I refused two invitations to join the sleighing party, and on the
night it was to be had prepared to pass the evening in my own room
with Oswald and Corinne. Before the fire, with lighted candles, I
heard a ringing of bells in the yard and a stamping of feet on the
piazza. Alice sent up for me. I found Ben Somers with her, who begged
me to take a seat in his sleigh. Helen was there, and Amelia Bancroft.
Alice applauded me for refusing him; but when he whispered in my ear
that he had been to Surrey I changed my mind. She assisted me with
cheerful alacrity to put on a merino dress, its color was purple;--a
color I hate now, and never wear--and wrapped me warmly. Charles
appeared before we started. "Are you really going?" he asked, in a
tone of displeasure.
"She is really going," Ben answered for me. "Mr. and Mrs. Bancroft are
going," Helen said. "Why not drive out with Mrs. Morgeson?"
"The night is splendid," Ben remarked.
"Wont you come?" I asked.
"If Alice wishes it. Will you go?" he asked her.
"Would you?" she inquired of all, and all replied, "Yes."
We started in advance. Helen and Amelia were packed on the back seat,
in a buffalo robe, while Ben and I sat in the shelter of the driver's
box, wrapped in another. It was moonlight, and as we passed the
sleighs of the rest of the party, exchanging greetings, we grew very
merry. Ben, voluble and airy, enlivened us by his high spirits.
We were drinking mulled wine round the long pine dinner-table of the
Swan, when Charles and Alice arrived. There were about thirty in the
room, which was lighted by tallow candles. When he entered, it seemed
as if the candles suddenly required snuffing, and we ceased to laugh.
All spoke to him with respect, but with an inflection of the voice
which denoted that he was not one of us. As he carelessly passed round
the table all made a movement as he approached, scraping their chairs
on the bare floor, moving their glass of mulled wine, or altering the
position of their arms or legs. An indescribable appreciation of the
impression which he made upon others filled my heart. His isolation
from the sympathy of every person there gave me a pain and a pity, and
for the first time I felt a pang of tenderness, and a throe of pride
for him. But Alice, upon whom he never made any impression, saw
nothing of this; her gayety soon removed the stiffness and silence he
created. The party grew noisy again, except Ben, who had not broken
the silence into which he fell as soon as he saw Charles. The mulled
wine stood before him untouched. I moved to the corner of the table
to allow room for the chair which Charles was turning toward me. Ben
ordered more wine, and sent a glass full to him. Taking it from
the boy who brought it, I gave it to him. "Drink," I said. My voice
sounded strangely. Barely tasting it, he set the glass down, and
leaning his arm on the table, turned his face to me, shielding it with
his hand from the gaze of those about us. I pushed away a candle that
flared in our faces.
"You never drink wine?"
"No, Cassandra."
"How was the ride down?"
"Delightful."
"What about the new horse?"
"He is an awful brute."
"When shall we have a ride with him?"
"When you please."
The boy came in to say would we please go to the parlor; our room was
wanted for supper. An immediate rush, with loud laughing, took place,
for the parlor fire; but Charles and I did not move. I was busy
remaking the bow of my purple silk cravat.
"'I drink the cup of a costly death,'" Ben hummed, as he sauntered
along by us, hands in his pockets--the last in the room, except us
two.
"Indeed, Somers; perhaps you would like this too." And Charles offered
him his glass of wine.
Ben took it, and with his thumb and finger snapped it off at the stem,
tipping the wine over Charles's hand.
I saw it staining his wristband, like blood. He did not stir, but a
slight smile traveled swiftly over his face.
"I know Veronica," said Ben, looking at me. "Has this man seen _her_?"
His voice crushed me. What a barrier his expression of contempt made
between her and me!
Withal, I felt a humiliating sense of defeat.
Charles read me.
As he folded his wristband under his sleeve, carefully and slowly, his
slender fingers did not tremble with the desire that possessed him,
which I saw in his terrible eyes as plainly as if he had spoken, "I
would kill him."
They looked at my hands, for I was wringing them, and a groan burst
from me.
"Somers," said Charles, rising and touching his shoulder, "behave like
a man, and let us alone; I love this girl."
His pale face changed, his eyes softened, and mine filled with tears.
"Cassandra," urged Ben, in a gentle voice, "come with me; come away."
"Fool," I answered; "leave _me_ alone, and go."
He hesitated, moved toward the door, and again urged me to come.
"Go! go!" stamping my foot, and the door closed without a sound.
For a moment we stood, transfixed in an isolation which separated us
from all the world beside.
"Now Charles, we"--a convulsive sob choked me, a strange taste filled
my mouth, I put my handkerchief to my lips and wiped away streaks of
blood. I showed it to him.
"It is nothing, by God!" snatching the handkerchief. "Take mine--oh,
my dear--"
I tried to laugh, and muttered the imperative fact of joining the
rest.
"Be quiet, Cassandra."
He opened the window, took a handful of snow from the sill and put it
to my mouth. It revived me.
"Do you hear, Charles? Never say those frightful words again. Never,
never."
"Never, if it must be so."
He touched my hand; I opened it; his closed over mine.
"Go, now," he said, and springing to the window, threw it up, and
jumped out. The boy came in with a tablecloth on his arm, and behind
him Ben.
"Glass broken, sir."
"Put it in the bill."
He offered me his arm, which I was glad to take.
"Where is Charles?" Alice asked, when we went in.
"He has just left us," Ben answered; "looking after his horses,
probably."
"Of course," she replied. "You look blue, Cass. Here, take my chair by
the fire; we are going to dance a Virginia reel."
I accepted her offer, and was thankful that the dance would take them
away. I wanted to be alone forever. Helen glided behind my chair, and
laid her hand on my shoulder; I shook it off.
"What is the matter, Cass?"
"I am going away from Char--school."
"We are all going; but not to-night."
"I am going to-night."
"So you shall, dear; but wait till after supper."
"Do you think, Helen, that I shall ever have consumption?" fumbling
for my handkerchief, forgetting in whose possession it was. Charles
came in at that instant, and I remembered that he had it.
"What on earth has happened to you? Oh!" she exclaimed, as I looked at
her. "You were out there with Morgeson and Ben Somers," she whispered;
"something has occurred; what is it?"
"You shall never know; never--never--never."
"Cassandra, that man is a devil."
"I like devils."
"The same blood rages in both of you."
"It's mulled wine,--thick and stupid."
"Nonsense."
"Will there be tea, at supper?"
"You shall have some."
"Ask Ben to order it."
"Heaven forgive us all, Cassandra!"
"Remember the tea."
Charles stood near his wife; wherever she moved afterwards he moved.
I saw it, and felt that it was the shadow of something which would
follow.
At last the time came for us to return. Helen had plied me with tea,
and was otherwise watchful, but scarcely spoke.
"It is an age," I said, "since I left Rosville."
She raised her eyebrows merely, and asked me if I would have more tea.
"In my room," I thought, "I shall find myself again." And as I opened
my door, it welcomed me with so friendly and silent an aspect, that I
betrayed my grief, and it covered my misery as with a cloak.