Pete Jonsing went to see the County Clerk
About a marriage license, and the man
Said unto him for fun, but seriously:
“I hope the bride possesses fifty cents,
Because the Legislature’s passed a law
That any girl with less must not be wed.”
“Jis’ go ahead wid dat ’ar paper, Boss,”
Peter replied; then whispered, bending down:
“Dar’s rumers—and dey is reliable—
Dat de young woman dat I’m goin’ fur
Has got two dollars and a quarter—_shoa_.
And dat’s de reason wy I marries her.”
PENN
ON A TEXT BY ROBERT BURDETTE
When William Penn appeared before King Charles
To get the charter of his Promised Land
In Pennsylvaniá,
’Twas in his usual free-and-easy style,
With hands in pockets and his hat on side—
Singing _Lard-dardy day_!
_Let us drink and be merry, laugh, sing, and rejoice,_
_With claret and sherry, theorbo and voice,_
_Merry-ton-ton-ton ta-lay!_
King Charles at once removed his feathered tile.
“Keep on your hat, young man!” said William Penn,
“It is our Quaker way;
And people will not know that you are bald;
Be quite at home to make your guests at home—
Singing _Lard-dardy day_!
_This changeable world to our joys is unjust,_
_All treasure’s uncertain, so down with your dust,_
_Merry-ton-ton-ton ta-lay!_”
“It is the custom here,” the King replied,
“For only one to cover at a time;
This is the courtly way.”
“Then you should have more covers,” warbled Penn.
“Warm people’s heads to make them merry men—
Singing _Lard-dardy day_!
_And in frolics dispose of your shillings and pence,_
_Since we all shall be past it a hundred years hence,_
_Merry-ton-ton-ton ta-lay_!
“’Tis a queer world, and faith! I do not lay
My hat around, loose, in a domicile
Where I don’t know the way,
Unless some party gives a check for it;
I’ve travelled some—I have—and can’t be bit—
Singing _Lard-dardy day_!
Since, despite your invention, and learning, and sense,
You’ll be _non est inventus_ a hundred years hence,
_Merry-ton-ton-ton ta-lay!_”
“Odds-fish!” exclaimed his Royal Majesty,
“He talks full well, but as it seems to me,
According to our way,
There’s a tremendous pig in this same Penn.”
“Bravo, young man!” said William; “try again—
Singing _Lard-dardy day_!
You have brought me a terrible one on the nob,
But I bear you no malice, not being a snob,
_Merry-ton-ton-ton ta-lay!_”
And thus it is that history is writ,
And thus it is good men are slandered sore
From ever till to-day.
Some writer pastes a joke; it may remain
Safe in a corner from Time’s wind and rain
Till Time has rolled away.
_So, hurrah for King Charles! and hurrah, too, for Penn!_
_And all such and similar excellent men!_
_Merry-ton-ton-ton ta-lay!_