True position of a lady-help--Division of work in a family--The mother
the best teacher--Marketing--Young lady-helps--Luncheon--Early dinners
for children--Recreation--Preparing the late dinner--Evening tea--The
lady-help a gentlewoman--Her assistance at breakfast--Her spare time
--Tact.
I use this title, not because I think it is the best, but because it is
already in general use; though, as yet, very few people have any clear
idea of what the true position of a lady-help should be. Some persons
suppose they must treat her as a visitor, in which case she would be
worse than useless, and such a situation could not possibly be
permanent. Others think she must be employed precisely like an upper
servant, and only look upon her as a means of escape from the penalties
of their own position.
In houses where there are grown-up daughters it is not necessary, nor
even advisable, to employ any labour outside of the family beyond that
of the charwoman, as previously described.
The work may be so divided as to press too heavily on none, always
bearing in mind, however, that, as "Life is real, life is earnest,"
there is real work to be done in every household, the aim being to
lighten it by contrivance, and by utilizing modern inventions; in fact,
making of science and social economy two valuable servants, instead of
exalting them to be our masters, as we have all been doing lately. For,
notwithstanding all our brilliant inventions, we have so multiplied our
wants that life is neither easier nor cheaper than it was in the days
when we knitted our own stockings, spun our own flax, and used strong
handloom sheetings, and woollen cloths which were not made of shoddy.
Let us take as a typical family a mother and three daughters, two of
them grown up and one still a child--a by no means uncommon instance.
The men and boys may be many or few, it makes little difference to our
example.
Probably the mother is not so strong as the grown-up daughters. She
might make choice of the needlework department, or the teaching,
supposing her own education to have been good; in which case she would
add the benefit of her experience to every lesson given, rendering it
far more valuable than instruction from a young teacher; as in all
branches of study she would distinguish what is good and lasting from
what is merely ephemeral, and we should have fewer flimsy pieces of
music learnt to the exclusion of great masters, and fewer meretricious
drawings on tinted paper, as we grow out of our admiration for these
things at an early period, and home education would have a more solid
groundwork. Young teachers are too apt to think they know everything,
and only aim at their own standard of education, finished as they
believe it to be.
Perhaps the mother might prefer to reserve a general oversight, with
only such lighter work as the breakfast-table as already described. The
daughters could share the remaining work in the following manner.
While the breakfast is being cleared away, one daughter, accompanied by
her youngest sister, will arrange the bed-rooms, and dust the
drawing-room and such parts of the dining-room as have not been
included in the work of setting in order after breakfast. The little
girl would rejoice in helping in this way--all children do; and when
they have no real work of this kind, they imitate it with dolls'
houses. Housekeeping is one of a girl's natural instincts; it is only
quenched by accomplishments being put in its stead.
While the manager of the needlework sees what requires her attention in
that department, and plans it for unoccupied hours--keeping, perhaps,
some fancy portion of it for pleasant work in the evening, while music
or reading is going on--the daughter who is housekeeper for the week
attends to the culinary arrangements, and considers what marketing will
be required. She will, either alone or accompanied by one of her
sisters, proceed to give her orders at the various shops, or go to the
market and make her own selection. She will bring home some of the
purchases herself--any parcel, for instance, that is no heavier than a
little dog--but mostly the things will be sent to the house.
Co-operative stores may or may not be an advantage to their
customers--it is a disputed point; but two good things they have done
for us: first, making us pay ready money for what we buy; secondly,
doing away with the ridiculous fear we formerly had of being seen
carrying a parcel.
This expedition will have given our young heroine the necessary morning
air and exercise, and it need not be so long as to prevent her
enjoyment of a more ornamental walk in the afternoon--visits, or a
cruise in the rink.
In the case of there being only one grown-up daughter, a young
lady-help may be thought an agreeable addition to the family. She would
be a pleasant companion to the daughter, and they might share the work
in the same manner as two sisters would do. If she were more
accomplished, or better read, than the daughter of the house, this
would be a source of improvement to the latter; or if the superiority
were on the other side, the benefit resulting to the companion would be
such as to make her endeavour, by increased usefulness, to show her
sense of the advantages whereby she would be enabled to add to her
acquirements.
Much ease in daily life is obtained by dining early; but as this is
seldom possible where fathers and husbands are out all day at their
employments, the necessarily late dinner involves a sacrifice of our
time and pleasure, which we must try to render as small a hardship as
may be, and take as a duty what is such in reality.
Luncheon for ladies is easily provided where there are no ravenous
schoolboys and girls to cater for, because, as they will dine late, the
luncheon need not be a hot spread meal. A tray with slices of cold
meat, bread, butter, cheese, or perhaps some cold potatoes fried, or
any easily warmed little dish remaining from yesterday's dinner, will
make an ample luncheon, with a glass of beer or some claret. But if
there are schoolboys and girls who come home to an early dinner, it is
indispensable that it should be a real dinner, and no make-believe. The
experience of schools and large families shows us that the cheapest and
most wholesome fare for children is a joint of meat, with potatoes and
another vegetable, a daily pudding, varied according to circumstances,
bread, and beer. No adjuncts; neither pickles nor condiments, cheese
nor dessert. All these _etceteras_ are superfluous and unwholesome,
and entail extra plates and additional trouble to everybody.
The joints of meat, with potatoes and Yorkshire pudding, are as well
cooked at the baker's as at home, and with much saving of heavy work.
The following is a good working-plan for a large family: a joint of
meat roasted the first day, the next day cold, which is better for the
children than having the joint cut in two and both parts eaten
hot--cold meat is very good for them. The remainder may be stewed, or
otherwise warmed up on the third day; and so forth, varied with boiled
meat occasionally and fish once a week--on Friday in preference, as
there is a better choice of it on that day, it being purveyed for the
Roman Catholics and others who eat it on principle. Monday is the worst
day for fish.
The daily pudding should be simple, without sauce, and with very little
spice. Spices become valuable medicines when not habitually taken with
the food.
It is a mistake to feed children entirely on meat and potatoes; this
diet does not afford sufficient variety. Fruit and milk puddings are
very wholesome and nourishing for children, and so is simple pastry,
when made without baking powder, the frequent use of which is very
lowering, as is the case with all alkalies.
Luncheon over, the hours from two till half-past four are free for
everybody. Now is the time for music-practice, walks, visits, and
general recreation.
Visitors drop in about this time, and may be encouraged to stay by the
sight of the afternoon tea-table standing ready arranged in a corner of
the drawing-room. The descent for five minutes of one of the ladies
will be sufficient time to make the tea and produce a plate of
biscuits, or the cake-basket. The gas may be lighted under the kettle
at the time the door is opened to visitors.
At half-past four the fire must be made up in the kitchen, and all
things put in readiness to prepare the late dinner. This, in the
interest of the health of all, and especially of those who return home
tired and hungry, should not be later than six o'clock, where it is
possible.
The dinner and dessert occupy little more than an hour, and half an
hour is sufficient to clear all away, and set the things ready for the
next morning's breakfast. The cloth may be left spread on the table,
only brushed and neatly laid.
We have then a pleasant social evening left us; two hours and a half
before ten o'clock, which may or may not be broken by an evening cup of
tea, according to taste.
Luxurious people, whose days hang heavily on their hands, are the
fortune of the doctors. Among them we may include servants in large
houses, who are, perhaps, more self-indulgent than any. And it is the
habitual five meals a day required to fill up time in an opulent house,
that contribute most to fill the pockets of the physician.
It is pleasant, certainly, for an occasional change, to stay in a house
where at nine o'clock the butler and two footmen stalk in with the
tea-tray and its appurtenances; but the main, though unacknowledged,
cause of the ceremonial is, that it may be seen that the men-servants
are at home in the evening, and not at the public-house.
As a daily habit, however, the continual breaking up of time caused by
the ever-recurring meals is very tiresome to those whose occupations
are so unnecessarily hindered.
It has been shown that the daily housework for a small family is not
too arduous to be undertaken by the members of that family, in any case
where the grown-up ladies in the house are two or more. But in the
circumstance of a young wife and mother, it were better that she should
not attempt to cope with the greater part of the household work,
especially if she be alone in the house all day, or with young children
only. The sense of solitude is too depressing, and all unshared labour
is much heavier.
In case of her having no sister, or female friend or relation, to whom
she might be glad to offer a home, she should seek a cheerful
lady-help, who would be pleased to feel she is putting her time to
profit. And if strong, healthy, and a skilful manager, the lady-help
will find how far more interesting this varied work may be made, than
the drudgery of sitting in a dreary school-room as governess to a tribe
of tiresome children, where her only recreation is the monotonous daily
walk; or the more independent, but far more laborious, occupation of a
fine-art needleworker, to whom eight hours' continuous daily toil are
obligatory.
As far as I can see and judge by letters written to the _Queen_ and
other papers, and the jokes in _Punch_, the difficulty, almost
impossibility, of getting gentlewomen as helps is the drawback to
their being put forward as a solution of the domestic difficulty. The
engagement of half-educated or pretentious daughters of small
tradespeople is by no means desirable, either for themselves or for us.
We do not wish them to be our companions, yet they must be treated with
a greater degree of familiarity than ordinary servants; and if they are
allowed to be on a nominal footing of equality, it can only tend to
lower the tone of the whole household. But the lady-help, in an
establishment suited to the feelings of such an one, may easily be a
gentlewoman by birth and education, and not a lady in name merely.
As regards the invasion of domestic privacy, which has ever been found
such a disadvantage where a companion, or a governess, is always the
sharer of our meals and conversation, it is by no means necessary,
hardly even possible, that this should be the case with a lady-help;
except at breakfast, when it is surely no hardship, but the
contrary--indeed, it must be a pleasure--to have at our children's most
important meal the assistance of a lady whose care of their wants
prevents our own breakfast being uncomfortably hurried.
For breakfast is unlike dinner-time in this, that as husband and wives
have already had plenty of time for all they wish to say to each other,
the presence of a third person is not inconvenient, while at their
reunion about dinner-time, when each has the day's adventures to relate
and comment upon, a stranger is sometimes in the way.
Indeed, it is one of the greatest difficulties in the lady-help system,
that of necessity she cannot sit at table while serving the dinner.
The greater number of ladies will be as well pleased to have their
spare time for their own pursuits, as to be obliged to sit in the
drawing-room all the evening, trying to seem amused with doing nothing.
A lady offering herself for work of this kind will generally be of an
energetic temperament, and able to employ her leisure profitably in
reading, drawing, or needlework, or perhaps she may have her own piano
in her room.
It would frequently conduce to the comfort of all parties if she had an
invitation, which she might accept or refuse, to join the drawing-room
circle; and this should be given on occasions when it is likely to be
agreeable to her, at such times as her necessary duties will cause no
awkwardness to herself, the mistress, or the guests. Exercise of tact
will be frequently called for, no doubt, in this avowedly the weak part
of the scheme; but with wit, invention, and a hearty endeavour to make
a subordinate position as little painful as possible, many difficulties
will be tided over, and when once the novelty of the method is worn
off, many little complications, by being less thought of, will be less
felt.
Where a governess is kept as well as a lady-help, the two ladies could
enjoy life together quite independently of the general company; and it
might be found perfectly compatible with their avocations to give them
permission to invite their personal friends to spend their evenings
occasionally with them.
In the case of the daughters of the house taking its duties upon
themselves (and no one can consider it an ungraceful service to wait
upon a father), the way would be smoothed by common endeavour of all
the members of the family, and much kindly courtesy would be aroused,
and earnest effort to give the least possible trouble; all of which
should be done in the case of the lady-help.
When we go more deeply into the detail of the dinner, which is the
_piece de resistance_ of the day's programme, we will endeavour to
show how, by careful fitting and steady guidance, the wheels of the
domestic machine may run smoothly and noiselessly in their grooves,
especially if the oil of good humour be plentifully supplied. And
several suggestions will be offered, which, however, must be looked on
merely as suggestions, and not as essential parts of the system; for in
every household there will be modifications, according to the infinite
variety of tempers, tastes, and habits of the family.