THE BATTLE, AND THE BREEZE.
All Europe had concluded long ago, that the Government of England had
left itself no other blunder to commit, and no further disgrace to fall
into. But all Europe was wrong in this conclusion; for before our debate
came on again, tidings of a new disaster, and one more foul scorn to
British blood, and heart, rang through the streets of London. Those
streets were, by this time, so well used to the sound of surrenders, and
massacres, seizures by Russia of this, and of that, and French
bombardment of Britons, that they took it as calmly as the passing of
the plague-cart in September, 1665. Men, full of business, shook their
heads at the newsboys, (who spoil their own traffic with chalk, as
England has done with her flourish of "free-trade") and the extra
editions of the evening papers went back to their offices, except a few
copies, sold to visitors wise enough to live far north. In short, the
public knew it all, without paying, and kept all their halfpence, to pay
for the result.
We, who were punctual, heard it all (after prayers) announced, in a
telegraphic voice; as a thing which should go in at one ear, and out at
the other, in every head giving up its brains, (as every head, that has
got any, does) to the only one worth counting. The Liberal Members
seemed thankful for the news; because we could scarcely have rescued the
hero, and redeemed our faith, for twelve hundred pounds; and because it
set us free, to look after some other, who would truckle more kindly,
and pay his own way. But we thought it very bad--very bad indeed;
though, of course, it was treason to say so. And none of us saw any
light in it; which shows that our eyes were not open.
This piece (of a piece with the rest) of foreign news, happened to
arrive on a Saturday; and we (for the sake of the fifty-two reforms) had
a Saturday sitting already; which lasted in fact until Church-time on
Sunday, and must have despatched any other prime-minister to a place,
where even he would scarcely hold all preferment. However, his influence
adjourned the fourth commandment--as it used to treat the third--even in
the souls of Scotchmen.
For the few, who like to see one of our disasters discussed upon its
merits, the best chance is, when the news arrives near about noon of
Saturday. It is too late then, for the evening papers to shed their
mild light upon it, even if they all employed the gentleman, who settles
(at a glance, and a stroke) all the monthly labour of the magazines. And
as for the Sunday papers, any that were not out on Friday night
(reversing the premier's chronology) have shut their frames now, and are
working off. This is as it should be, enabling a sound Briton to go to
church, without praying for the Commination Service.
Then upon Monday morning, like a string of horses who have observed the
sabbath, with a loud neigh and caper, rush forth the morning papers.
They swallow up the earth, like the horse of Job, trample under foot a
few writers of fiction--as though they had none on their own
backs--scatter the thunder of their neck (or cheek) upon every man they
have no fear of, and with one or two quiet exceptions, go down upon
their knees, for the jockey of the period to mount them, if he deigns.
But on this Monday morning, they came out mildly, (the most rampant nag
knows where his oats are kept) sniffing the air for the direction of the
breeze; and going gingerly, as if some English flint remained. And they
found very speedily, and so did we, that the great steam roller had not
crushed out every power of spark from our ancient metal.
"The tone of the Press is changed, at last;" Sir Roland Twentifold said
to me, when the House was meeting for the final issue; "too late to help
their Country much; but in time to give waverers some excuse for
wavering. There will be as full a House, as ever was known. But our
seats are safe. Come, and let me introduce you to Lord Grando."
This was the nobleman who had lately come to the forefront of honour,
and of justice; in right of plain language, clear mind, and fine pluck.
Whether he were a fine Christian or not, is more than I can pretend to
say, but he observed one leading precept, infinitely better than his
great opponent. When men reviled him, and persecuted him, and said all
manner of evil against him, he rejoiced, and was exceeding glad. And of
this joy he had ample store, to last for many generations. "_Horrida
grando_" was his name with the Rads; and he always came down upon them,
like a pelt of hail. Yet he carried no frost in his tail; for his manner
was vigorous, warm, and stimulating.
"I am to begin, as you know;" he said, with a gay smile, to Sir Roland,
in whom he had found a fearless spirit, equal even to his own. "I have
great hopes. What say you?"
"He has the true old English spirit, he never knows when he is beaten;"
Roly said to me, as we went to our seats, for a crush of Members came
pouring in. "And I will tell you another thing, Tommy,--he will not be
beaten always. If we can only dish that Dust-pan Bill, (or even if we
have it) I will back him for First Lord of the Treasury. All he wants is
mellowing, and time will bring it."
Before the resumption of the great debate, a few little questions were
asked, concerning the very sad news of Saturday. The Leader of the
Government replied, that "there had scarcely been time as yet, to verify
the last official despatches. However, there appeared to be some grounds
to apprehend, that another unforeseen, and inevitable disaster, in some
measure, had befallen the British arms. A limited number of British
officers appeared, to some extent, to have lost their lives, in the
execution of their duty. This, however, was beyond prevision. They might
have incurred some risk, and indeed the result appeared to confirm that
view. But Her Majesty's Government had incurred no responsibility
whatever, having simply accepted parenthetical functions
under--certainly not the Man-in-the-Moon, as an honourable Member
suggested, with a levity incomprehensible, and most reprehensible--but
under the legitimate and legitimately constituted authorities of--well,
of the locality."
Being asked, if the dead men were our flesh and blood, he replied, that
"to such an interrogation, highly impolitic in the present condition of
difficult and delicate negotiations, seven different forms of reply,
very naturally, and conclusively presented themselves. But without
further advices, and instructions, and the necessary period for their
consideration, it became his duty to deprecate further expenditure of
public time."
Being asked, whether these men had not been sent, with the strongest
pledges any words could give, to back them up with a British force, and
under most solemn assurance, that every act of theirs would be the
direct act of the Government of England; he replied, that "no less than
fourteen, entirely distinct and apparently materially repugnant, yet
easily reconcilable constructions, might be placed upon their sealed
instructions. Each of these interpretations had its own undeniable
merits, and claim to unbiassed, and leisurely discussion. And, for that
purpose, each of them, as simply as possible, and yet essentially,
presented itself, with a convenient quadrifurcation. As soon as
negotiations were concluded--by which he did not mean, 'as soon as all
our men were killed;' though the honourable Member was welcome to his
croak--he would gladly undertake to appoint a day, for the discussion of
those fifty-six issues. Meanwhile, he refused to be
badgered."--Wherewith down he sat; as no other man can.
His candour, good temper, and unusual lucidity were rewarded with an
outburst of natural applause; while the Member for ----, whose brother
had been killed, arose as if to speak; but could not do it.
But not quite so easily did the great man get off. Without condescending
to consult mephitic oracles, Lord Grando Crushbill arose, and spoke well
upon the main question before us. He met the vile Bill, with no weak
amendment, no confession and avoidance, but the downright "damn," which
every foreigner knows well, to be the word whereby we live. No precedent
could be discovered, for this brief form of suggesting rejection, and
the Speaker pronounced that it was not in accordance with strict
Parliamentary usage, for the noble Member to move--"Damn the Bill;" or
at least for the motion to be entered.
That speech of Lord Grando--a genuine Philippic--is well known to every
true Briton; and as no other man will ever read this book, unless it be
a stout American, it is needless for me to cite it here. But while he
went on, there was gnashing of teeth, and signs of pale liver disease
among the folk, who have learned from Egypt nothing but Egyptian
courage, and from Africa in general, the Ostrich-trick. After that, it
sounded very mild to move, that the Bill be read this day six months!
To second this motion, Chumps arose; as had been arranged beforehand.
And Bill spoke uncommonly well, so far as I am a judge of such matters.
He went at it, as if he was splitting down a sheep, for a good customer
come for kidneys--his father was the first man in London, I believe, who
put kidneys up to twopence halfpenny, and fourpence is the price in that
same shop now, and my mother stopped her ears when they asked her such a
figure, and did the same thing when she told me of it--however, there
was no mistake about Bill's meaning. He had not left Oxford long enough
as yet, to forget all the very plain directions of Aristotle, Cicero,
and Horace; and whatever was in him, he showed us very honestly, with
meat-saw, and chopper, and no hems of flank tucked under. If any
objection could be made, it was this--that he followed his father in the
way of good weight, perhaps a little more substance than we wanted for
our money; as a marrow-bone swindles us, by being solid.
Things happen oddly in this odd world; and a few years ago, could
anybody have imagined that the brush of Joe Cowl, the chimney-sweep,
would ever come out at the top of the pot of the English Constitution?
And not only so, but that you would find it there, brandished against,
and quite covering with smuts the new bright steel cleaver from the shop
of Mr. Chumps! Time works wonders; and perhaps you will exclaim, that
the greatest wonder of all was the fact, that the son of "Bubbly Upmore"
the boiler--however, let that stop till we come to it.
Joe had a very large command of words, irregular perhaps, and
undisciplined, and more than once, we had to call out, "Order!" At
first, from professional habit, he stopped, and pulled out his book, as
if to enter "Kitchen-chimney, at five o'clock;" which made Bill, and me,
who understood this motion, look at one another, and laugh heartily.
Moreover, he had a large command of voice; as behoved a man who had
beaten all the rest on his walk, with the shrill cry of, "Se-veep!" I
whispered to the honourable Member on our side, who had done the hen so
beautifully; and he (being gifted with ventriloquism) in the middle of
one of Joe's grandest passages, upset the whole effect, by producing the
loud call of the trade, in its longest melancholy--"Se-veep!" so that
Joe jumped round, and stared; as if a rival bag, and brush were after
him. This was not fair play perhaps; but Cowle deserved it; for the
whole of his eloquence was nothing but abuse. He blackened all the
people, on whose shillings he had lived, and besmutted everybody with a
slate above his head. In short, there was no man, or woman, in
existence, with any right to be so, except Joseph Cowle.
We wanted Sir Roland to deliver his speech next; but he said, perhaps
too loudly, "I never follow sweeps;" and presently the House was
listening to a gentleman, who is always heard with pleasure for his
brave manly sentiments, impartiality, and scorn of all pretences. He
demolished the Bill, in most admirable style, putting all the arguments
against it, better than our side had put them; and then to my surprise
declared, that in spite of all that, he had made up his mind to vote for
it.
This brought up Sir Roland, and his speech was very fine. Strong
indignation made strong words; as the wrath of the billow creates its
roar. "For finicking argument what care I? Can a man split straws with a
dagger at his throat? Eternal shame falls upon our land, that any man in
it should have dreamed of such an act. The man who proposed such an
outrage, must have done it, as a lesson towards the stabbing of his own
mother." For this he was loudly called to "order;" but disdained the
call, and went on reckless. "Where can I find words strong enough? The
difficulty is, not to fashion, but to find them. Language has never been
made for such cases; for what tongue could have told, that such a case
would ever be? Yet, perhaps, it was as well, that there should be this
defect; for what language could move lunatics?" Here there was a great
row; but Sir Roland's voice was strong. "The word I have used may not be
of high courtesy; but it is of deepest charity. I can look across this
House, with my hands hanging down, solely upon that supposition. Her
Majesty's Ministers love to leave us in the dark. They keep us so
still--whether common sense demands their consignment to
strait-waistcoat, or to the gallows."
Seldom perhaps has any "limited number of human beings" made a greater
row--except in some Liberal massacre--than was now to be had, in all
sizes and samples, among men whose names are watchwords. I saw--though
he tried to do it quite behind his hat--a Right Honourable Member, whose
name is fame, make a trumpet of his hand, and blow out the most hideous
screech that ever quelled a "railway-hooter;" and I could not have
believed my eyes, unless my ears had been at the back of them. In a
word, there was no word, neither any sense among us, head being gone
universally, and body left working about, like a worm cut in two.
In the thick of this turmoil, Lord Grando came up, and shook hands with
Roly; who was now as quiet, as the stump of the match, that has blown up
the castle.
"Something like a maiden speech that was," he said; "but the guillotine
maiden, I'm afraid my dear fellow. And we shall operate first upon our
own heads. However, better that than slow poisoning."
At first, I did not understand what he meant; but seeing that Roly did,
I asked him to explain. He seemed to find me wonderfully stupid--as I
am, especially when at all excited, and by this time I was all
excitement--but he managed to explain that he had done more harm, than
good by his strong short eloquence. He had moved many hearts, which had
been covered up (for reasons of Inland Revenue, like a vehicle unused),
but he had not done it in the way to bring them out, comfortably, and
with himself inside them. To do that properly, there must be no
appearance of call, or demand, or anything at all unpleasant--such as
rebukes of conscience are--but a gentle opening of a quiet door at
first; as if one came by accident, to find something that belonged to
one. But who can blame Roly, for not understanding that? He had stirred
up right feeling, all the wrong way of the grain; and it was not at all
thankful, for being stirred up.
After many more speeches, some right and some wrong, and--which seemed
to be first thought of--some good, and some bad; the Prime-Minister
rose, to wind up the debate, at about ten minutes past midnight. The
House was as silent as a hive of smoked bees, with just one fellow, here
and there, not quite dead. I prepared myself for the finest treat of
ears, and mind, and perhaps of heart also--though he seldom troubles
that--and I said to myself, "No prejudice, if you please!"
However, it was useless to say that. When a man, coming out of his front
door, sees another man hacking down his pet tree, is the sense of high
art supreme with him? Does he stop to admire the attitude, the muscles,
the skilful swing, the bright implement? Nay, rather, in a fine rage,
out he rushes, and shouts, "What do you mean by this, sir?"
But making allowance for all my "paltry wrath"--as his sycophants call
it--I found it impossible to catch the great man's meaning, as it should
be caught. That is to say, well over the heart, thrown straight at it,
as a good fielder throws up, and not over one's head, or between one's
legs, or twisting in and out, like a left-handed bowler's ball. But for
all that, I felt that his voice was grand, and his power enormous; if he
would have used it simply, and after the manner of his favourite author.
The fault perhaps lies in the multiplicity of his mind, which does not
consider the simplicity of ours.
Perhaps, he never had a worse cause to plead; and in the bottom of his
heart--which is sound, I do believe--he must have known that, far better
than our shallow natures knew it. When at last; he broke out of the
dense haze of argument into the pure sky of eloquence, almost he
persuaded me not be an Englishman, but for the thought that he himself
was one.
"All up now, Tommy!" Sir Roland said to me, as the last tones of that
silvery voice, like music for the dead, hung hovering; "after that, it
is all up with England."
But I answered--"Hold my belt, a minute. I will try it, whatever comes
of it."
For the last two hours, and indeed for the whole of the evening, I had
felt throughout my system, that it was in a very extraordinary state.
Thumping of the heart, and great expansion of the chest, tingling of
arms and legs, and great inhalings of hot light air, had confused me;
and whenever a draught from the ventilators (which are like a blow of
steam) came under me, I seemed to feel my dress (which I had chosen for
its lightness), fill, like the feathers of a bird at rising. Sometimes
indignation, sometimes pleasure, sometimes lofty ambition to be useful
to my Country, and to Laura's, had been hoisting at me, like a balanced
lever. "Don't be afraid," I said, "I can't stop down, any longer. But
try to get me a hearing."
To the sudden astonishment of the crowded House, (which could scarcely
believe its own eyes at first) I, Tommy Upmore, went up gently, and
steadily, as a ring of blue smoke rises, from a cigar, where no draught
is. Honourable Members were leaving their seats, for the critical
Division, which should split up England; but with one accord, they all
turned round and stared. Remembering what Professor Brachipod had told
me, I used my hands and feet so well, with my curls spread out to catch
the air, that I steered my course, as accurately as I ever steered a
boat to bump another. Beneath me, there seemed to be breathless
amazement; but I found myself perfectly calm, and smiled.
Avoiding all peril of fire, I hovered, with buoyant delight in every
fibre, and a tingle of disdain at the terror of the House--for the
greatest men looked quite small down there--till I came to a large beam
of the roof; heart of British oak it was; and against it I brought up,
with a perfectly erect, and perhaps dignified presentment.
In this position, I caught the Speaker's eye, and removing my hat, which
I placed upon the beam, made my bow to him, and sought permission to
address the House. The debate being closed, and the division-bell
ringing, I could hardly expect to be allowed to speak. But the case was
exceptional; and more than that, everybody longed to hear what I had got
to say. The Right Honourable, the Speaker, raised his wig, to be certain
that his head was right, under it; and with no further symptom of
surprise--for he had seen a great many stranger sights than this--said
slowly,
"I find no precedent, for a speech from the roof, by any Honourable
Member. But I am willing to be guided by the sense of the House, in a
case so unprecedented."
Then the silence, which was now becoming painful to me, by reason of my
loneliness up there, was broken with loud cries of, "Speak up,
Larkmount!" from Members who did not know my name,--"Speak up, Tommy!"
from the gentlemen who did; and "Speak down, Tommy!" from my private
friends, who were beginning to understand all about it.
"The Honourable Member for Larkmount has possession of the House," said
Mr. Speaker.
"Sir," I replied, in a very clear voice, at the same time unbuttoning my
coat, which was made like the one I had flown with at Happystowe; "I
will not presume upon your indulgence, nor trespass on the kindness of
the House below me, except with a very brief quotation, well known to
all British Members, whom I would ask to join me in reciting it."
I had now drawn forth a little Union Jack, made for me by my darling;
and flinging it open from its hollow silver staff, waved it in the
strong light, around my head, keeping time with the noble lines I sang,
in a voice that made the heart of oak resound, and the hearts and lungs
of men rebound--
"The flaunting flag of liberty,
Of Gallia's sons the boast,
Oh never may a Briton see,
Upon the British coast!
"The only flag that freedom rears,
Her emblem on the seas,
Is the flag that braves a thousand years,
The battle, and the breeze.
"But fast would flow the nation's tears,
If traitor hands should seize
The flag that braves a thousand years,
The battle, and the breeze.
"And shall we yield to dastard fears
Our empire of the seas--
The flag that braves a thousand years,
The battle, and the breeze?"
Every face was turned towards me, and every throat joined in with mine,
and every arm was waved (even of the Irish Members) to keep time with my
waving of the glorious flag. And perhaps there has never been a vaster
roar, even in the British House of Commons, than when I came down, with
my flag flying bravely, bowed deeply to the Speaker, for his good grace,
and took Sir Roland's arm, to go with him to the lobby; for my head was
giddy, with excitement, and timidity.
"Keep up your pluck, Tommy," whispered Sir Roland; "you have done it
this time, I believe, my boy. By Jove, how splendidly you sang! You have
saved the Country, and won Laura."