_ITUR AD ASTRA._
The grandest result of education is the revival of the human system,
which ensues when it is over. If it be of all pangs the keenest to
remember joy in woe, and of all pleasures the sweetest to observe
another's travail, upon either principle, accommodated (as all
principles are) to suit the purpose, how vast the delight of manhood in
reflecting upon its boyhood!
Dr. Rumbelow, of the _Partheneion_, which is in Trotter's Lane, Ball's
Pond, combined high gifts of nature with rich ornaments of learning. In
virtue of all this, he strove against the tendency of the age towards
flippancy, and self-indulgence, the absence of every high principle, and
the presence of every low one. Having to fill both the heads and the
stomachs of thirty-five highly respectable boys, he bestirred himself
only in the mental part, and deputed to others the bodily--not from any
greed, or want of feeling, but a high-minded hatred of business, and a
lofty confidence in woman. So well grounded was this faith, that Mrs.
Rumbelow never failed to provide us with fine appetites.
Here, and hence, I first astonished the weak minds of the public, and my
own as much as anybody's. Although we had several boys of birth, the
boy of largest brains and body took the lead of all of us. And this was
Bill Chumps, now Sir William Chumps, the well-known M.P. for St.
Marylebone. His father was what was then called a "butcher," but now a
"purveyor of animal provisions." He supplied under contract the whole
_Partheneion_; and his meat was so good that we always wanted more.
Bill Chumps, being very quick at figures, had made bright hits about
holidays impending, by noting the contents of the paternal cart, and
blowing the Sibylline leaves of the meat-book, handed in by the foreman.
But even Chumps was not prepared for a thing that happened one fine
Friday.
We had been at work all the afternoon, or, at any rate, we had been in
school; and a longing for something more solid than learning began to
rise in our young breasts.
"Oh, shouldn't I like a good pig's fry?" the boy next to me was
whispering.
"Or a big help out of a rump-steak pie?" said the fellow beyond him,
with his slate-sponge to his mouth.
But Chumps said, "Bosh! What's the good of pigs and pastry? Kidneys, and
mushrooms, is my ticket, Tommy. Give us the benefit of your opinion."
Chumps was always very good to me, although I was under his lowest
waistcoat-button. For my father was a very good customer of that eminent
butcher his father; not only when he wanted a choice bit of meat, but
also as taking at a contract-price all bones that could not be sent out
at a shilling a pound, as well as all the refuse fat, which now makes
the best fresh butter.
In reply to that important question, I looked up at Chumps, with a
mixture of hesitation and gratitude. Being a sensitive boy, I found it
so hard to give an opinion without offence to elder minds, yet so
foolish to seem to have no opinion, and to spoil all the honour of being
consulted. A sense of responsibility made me pause, and ponder,
concerning the best of all the many good things there are to eat, and to
lay "mechanically," as novelists express it, both hands upon a certain
empty portion of my organization, when Dr. Rumbelow arose!
We did not expect him to get up yet for nearly three-quarters of an
hour, unless any boy wanted caning; and at first a cold tremor ran
through our inmost bones, because we respected him so deeply. But a
glance at his countenance reassured us. The doctor stood up, with his
college-cap on, a fine smile lifting his gabled eyebrows (as the evening
sun lights up gray thatch), his tall frame thrown back, and his terrible
right hand peacefully, under his waistcoat, loosening the button of
didactic cincture. He spread forth the other hand, with no cane in it;
and a yawn--such as we should have had a smack for--came to keep company
with his smile.
"Boys!" he shouted, sternly at first, from the force of habit when we
made a noise; "boys, Lacedæmonians, Partheneionidæ, hearken to the words
which I, with friendly meaning, speak among you. It has been ordained by
the powers above, holding Olympian mansions, that all things come in
circling turn to mortal men who live on corn. Times there are for the
diligent study of the mighty minds of old, such as we, who now see light
of sun, and walk the many-feeding earth, may never hope to equal. But
again there are seasons, when the _dies festi_ must be held, and the
_feriæ Latinæ_, which a former pupil of mine translated 'a holiday from
Latin.' Such a season now is with us. Once more it has pleased the good
Lucina to visit our humble _tugurium_; and we are strictly called upon
to observe the _meditrinalia_. Since which things are so, it behoves me
to proclaim to all of you _feriæ tridui imperativæ_."
The doctor's speech had been so learned, that few of us were able to
make out his meaning. But Chumps was a boy of vast understanding, and
extraordinary culture.
"Three days' holiday. Holloa, boys, holloa!" cried Chumps, with his cap
going up to the roof. "Three days' holiday! Rump-steak for breakfast,
and lie a-bed up to nine o'clock. Hurrah, boys! holloa louder, louder,
louder! Again, again, again! Why, you don't half holloa!"
To the ear of reason it would have been brought home, that the boys were
holloaing quite loud enough; and of that opinion was our master, who
laid his hands under his silvery locks, while the smile of good-will to
us, whom he loved and chastened, came down substantially to the margin
of his shave. But behold, to him thus beholding, a new and hitherto
unheard-of prodigy, wonderful to be told, arose! He sought for his
spectacles, and put them on; and then for his cane, and laid hold of
it--because he beheld going up into the air, and likely to get out of
his reach, a boy!
It is not for me to say how I did it. Nobody was more amazed than I
was; although after all that had happened ere now to me, I might have
been prepared for it. Much as I try to remember what my feelings were,
all I can say is that I really know not; and perhaps the confusion
produced by going round so (to which I was not yet accustomed), and of
looking downward at the place I used to stand on, helped to make it hard
for me to think what I was up to.
With no consideration, as to what I was about, and no sense of being out
of ordinary ways, I found myself leaving all the ground, and its places,
not with any jump, or other kind of rashness, but gently, equably, and
in good balance, rising to the shoulders of the other little chaps, and
then over the heads of the tallest ones. My sandals, because of the
weather being warm, were tied with light-blue ribbon, according to the
wishes of my mother; and these made a show which I looked down at, while
everybody else stared up at them.
Chumps was a very tall boy for his age, by reason of all the
marrow-bones he got; and the same thing had gifted him with high
courage. So that while all the other boys could only stare, or run away,
if their nerves were quick, he made a spring with both hands at my feet,
to fetch me back to the earth again. And at the same instant he said,
"Tommy!" in the very kindest tone of voice, entreating me to come down
to him.
I do not exaggerate in saying that I strove with all my power to do
this; and with his kind help I might have done it, if the string of my
shoe had been sewed in. But unhappily, like most things now, it was made
for ornament more than use; and so it slipped out and was left in his
hand; while, much against my will, I rose higher and higher. At the same
time I found myself going round and round, so that I could not continue
to observe the countenance of Dr. Rumbelow, gazing sternly, and with
some surprise, at me. But I saw him put on his spectacles, which was
always a bad sign for us.
"_Capnobatæ_ is the true reading in Strabo, as I have so long contended.
Fetch me a cane!--a long, long, cane!" the doctor shouted, as I still
went up. "This is the spirit of the rising age! I have long expected
something of this kind. I will quell it, if I have to tie three canes
together. Thomas Upmore, come down, that I may cane you. Not upon my
head, boy, or how can I do it?"
For no sooner had I heard what was likely to befall me, than my heart
seemed to turn into a lump of cold lead. At once my airy revolutions
ceased, my hands (which had been hovering like butterflies) stopped, and
dropped, like beetles that have struck against a post, and down I came
plump, with both feet upon the tassel of the trencher-cap upon the
doctor's head.
This must have been a very trying moment, both for his patience and my
courage, and it is not fair to expect me to remember everything that
happened. However, I feel that if I had been caned, there would have
been a mark upon my memory; even as boys bear the limits of the parish
in their minds, through their physical geography. Likely enough my head
was giddy, from so much revolving; and Chumps living near us marched me
home, with a big lexicon strapped on my back, to prevent me from trying
to fly again.