LETTICE, _discovered reading, by a small candle; two large ones by her
unlighted._
_Lett._ 'Tis a most sad thing, one dare not light a large candle except
company's coming in, and I scarce can see to read this piteous story.
Well, in all these distresses and misfortunes, the faithful Argalus was
renowned all over the plains of Arca--Arca--Arcadia--for his loyal and
true affection to his charming paramour, Parthenia.[70] Blessings on
his heart for it; there are no such suitors nowadays. [_Weeping._] But
I hope they'll come together again at the end of the book, and marry,
and have several children. Oh! Bless me! A man here! [_Turns over the
leaves._]--The gentleman's pretty man----[_Aside._
_Enter_ LATINE.
I wonder by what means, with that impudence, you could offer to come
upstairs at this time of the night, and my lady in the next room. I
protest I'll cry out. [_In a low voice all._
_Lat._ Dear Mrs. Lettice, my love to you. [_Aloud._
_Lett._ Hist, hist! I am, methinks, however, loth to discover you,
because servants must do as they're bid; for I know it was not to see
me, but some message from your master you came about.
_Lat._ I offered to bring a letter from him, in hopes to see you, my
dearest. I'll not give it at all; I don't care, my dearest. [_Kisses
her hand._
_Lett._ Pho! pho! now you are rude, because you know one dare not
discover you. You do what you will.--How he kisses one's hand: I
warrant he has kissed his betters. [_Aside._]--Pray, did you never live
in a lady's service?
_Lat._ No; nor do I value any of the sex but your dear self, Mrs.
Lettice.--I would be discovered. [_Aside._]--I'm in a rapture! in a
flame!
_Pen._ [_Within._] Who's there?
_Lett._ Hist, hist! could not you have forced a kiss quietly?--Madam!
madam!--Hold me fast. Show the letter, my lady's coming.--I tell you,
sir, she will receive no message at all. Get you downstairs, you
impudent!--Hold me faster yet; she loves your master. [_Softly aside
to_ LATINE.
_Enter_ PENELOPE _and_ VICTORIA.
_Pen._ What can this mean? What fellow's that has seized the wench?
_Lett._ Madam, madam, here's Mr. Bookwit's footman drunk, and has
directly stole upstairs with some ill design, I fear, on me--but has a
letter from his master to your ladyship.
_Pen._ Call up the servants: Simon, William, Kate, Alf! I'll have
the rascal well basted for his insolence--served just as his master
deserves.
_Lat._ [_Kneeling._] Let not those lips, more sweet than labour of
Hyblæan bees, utter a sentence, as if a Libyan lioness on a mountain
gave thee suck, and thou wert the obdurate offspring of a rock.
_Vict._ Hyblæan! Libyan! Obdurate! Ridiculous. The fellow has got his
master's cant! Ha! ha! ha!
_Pen._ I'll put him out of it, I'll warrant you. What, will no one come
up there?
_Enter_ Servants _with brooms, &c._
_Lat._ Oh! for the force of eloquence to allay and reconcile the
passion of this angry mansion!--I had like to have said plain house,
which had been against the laws of buskin, in which I would at present
talk. [_Aside._
_Pen._ Did you ever hear anything like this? Ha! ha!
_Maid._ Madam, shall I beat him?
_Lat._ Ah! culinary fair, compose thy rage; thou whose more skilful
hand is still employed in offices for the support of nature, descend
not from thyself, thou bright cookmaid----There! sunk again!
[_Aside._]--With heightened gusts and quickening tastes, by you what
would be labour else is made delight. Thou great robust, let not thy
hand all red assault a life it rather should preserve.
_Maid._ Good madam, excuse me, I can't touch him----I have bowels for
him. [_Weeping._
_Sim._ I wish I had his learning. I'll warrant he buys in everything
wherever he lives.
_Lat._ This, madam, this faithful paper tells you the passions of the
tenderest heart that ever bled for cruel maid. Oh, Victoria! did you
but hear his sighs, his restless hours!--how often he repeats Victoria!
_Lett._ Victoria! Then I find this is none on't meant to my lady--nor
to me neither; the master and man are both rogues. [_Aside._
_Pen._ Receive your seasonable epistle now at midnight!
_Vict._ He can't mean me----To you he all along addressed.--Would I
could read it without her. [_Aside._
_Pen._ To show you I value neither author nor bearer of it--kick the
fellow down!
_Lat._ Nay, madam, since matters must come to extremities, I'd rather
have the honour of your ladyship's command to be cudgelled by your good
family than have it from my master. A disappointed lover in his rage
will strike stone walls and things inanimate, much more a poor live
footman; therefore I must deliver my message. I'll read it to you,
ladies, for I see you are friends.
_Pen._ Away with him.
_Lat._ "If the sincerity of my intentions were not----"
_Lett._ Get out, false wretch.
_Lat._ "Demonstrable, in spite of----"
_Maid._ Take that----
_Lat._ "These accidents in which I have been involved, I should not
dare to tell you how alternately joys, raptures, ecstasies, miseries,
doubts, and anxieties do attack a breast devoted to you."
Whither shall injured virtue fly for shelter,
When love and honour suffer thus in me?
Oh! I could rage, call elements about me, spout cataracts--
Must I be drubbed with broom-staves? [_Exit._ LAT.
_Pen._ Come in, my dear, again. The night is cold. [_Exeunt._