What Mrs. Ochterlony had to do after this was to write to Aunt Agatha,
settling everything about little Hugh, which was by no means an easy
thing to do, especially since the matter had been complicated by that
most unnecessary suggestion about Islay, which Mrs. Hesketh had thought
proper to make; as if she, who had a grown-up daughter to be her
companion, and swarms of children, so many as almost to pass the bounds
of possible recollection, could know anything about how it felt to send
off one's entire family, leaving only a baby behind; but then that is so
often the way with those well-off people, who have never had anything
happen to them. Mary had to write that if all was well, and they could
find "an opportunity," probably Hugh would be sent by the next mail but
one; for she succeeded in persuading herself and the Major that sooner
than that it would be impossible to have his things ready. "You do not
say anything about Islay, my dear," said the Major, when he read the
letter, "and you must see that for the child's sake----"
"Oh, Hugh, what difference can it make?" said Mrs. Ochterlony, with
conscious sophistry. "If she can take one child, she can take two. It is
not like a man----" But whether it was Islay or Aunt Agatha who was not
like a man, Mary did not explain; and she went on with her preparations
with a desperate trust in circumstances, such as women are often driven
to. Something might happen to preserve to her yet for a little while
longer her three-year-old boy. Hugh was past hoping for, but it seemed
to her now that she would accept with gratitude, as a mitigated
calamity, the separation from one which had seemed so terrible to her at
first. As for the Major, he adhered to the idea with a tenacity unusual
to him. He even came, and superintended her at the work-table, and asked
continually, How about Islay? if all these things were for Hugh?--which
was a question that called forth all the power of sophistry and
equivocation which Mrs. Ochterlony possessed to answer. But still she
put a certain trust in circumstances that something might still happen
to save Islay--and indeed something did happen, though far, very far,
from being as Mary wished.
The Major in the meantime had done his best to shake himself free from
the alarm and dismay indirectly produced in his mind by his brother's
letter. He had gone to Mr. Churchill after all, but found it
impracticable to get the entry blotted out of the register,
notwithstanding his assurance that it was simply a matter of form. Mr.
Churchill had no doubt on that point, but he could not alter the record,
though he condoled with the sufferer. "I cannot think how you all could
let me do it," the Major said. "A man may be excused for taking the
alarm, if he is persuaded that his wife will get into trouble when he is
gone, for want of a formality; but how all of you, with cool heads and
no excitement to take away your judgment----"
"Who persuaded you?" said the clergyman, with a little dismay.
"Well, you know Kirkman said things looked very bad in Scotland when the
marriage lines were lost. How could I tell? he is Scotch, and he ought
to know. And then to think of Mary in trouble, and perhaps losing her
little provision if anything happened to me. It was enough to make a man
do anything foolish; but how all of you who know better should have let
me do it----"
"My dear Major," said Mr. Churchill mildly, "I don't think you are a man
to be kept from doing anything when your heart is set upon it;--and then
you were in such a hurry----"
"Ah, yes," said Major Ochterlony with a deep sigh; "and nobody, that I
can remember, ever suggested to me to wait a little. That's what it is,
Churchill; to have so many friends, and not one among them who would
take the trouble to tell a man he was wrong."
"Major Ochterlony," said the clergyman, a little stiffly, "you forget
that I said everything I could say to convince you. Of course I did not
know all the circumstances--but I hope I shall always have courage
enough, when I think so, to tell any man he is in the wrong."
"My dear fellow, I did not mean you," said the Major, with another sigh;
and perhaps it was with a similar statement that the conversation always
concluded when Major Ochterlony confided to any special individual of
his daily associates, this general condemnation of his friends, of which
he made as little a secret as he had made of his re-marriage. The
station knew as well after that, that Major Ochterlony was greatly
disturbed about the "unusual step" he had taken, and was afraid it might
be bad for little Hugh's future prospects, as it had been aware
beforehand of the wonderful event itself. And naturally there was a
great deal of discussion on the subject. There were some people who
contented themselves with thinking, like the doctor, that Ochterlony was
an ass with his fidgets; while there were others who thought he was
"deep," and was trying, as they said, to do away with the bad
impression. The former class were men, and the latter were women; but it
was by no means all the women who thought so. Not to speak of the
younger class, like poor little Mrs. Askell, there were at least two of
the most important voices at the station which did not declare
themselves. Mrs. Kirkman shook her head, and hoped that however it
turned out it might be for all their good, and above all might convince
Mary of the error of her ways; and Mrs. Hesketh thought everybody made a
great deal too much fuss about it, and begged the public in general to
let the Ochterlonys alone. But the fact was, that so far as the ordinary
members of society were concerned, the Major's new agitation revived the
gossip that had nearly died out, and set it all afloat again. It had
been dying away under the mingled influences of time, and the non-action
of the leading ladies, and Mrs. Ochterlony's serene demeanour, which
forbade the idea of evil. But when it was thus started again the second
time, it was less likely to be made an end of. Mary, however, was as
unconscious of the renewed commotion as if she had been a thousand miles
away. The bitterness had gone out of her heart, and she had half begun
to think as the Major did, that he was an injured man, and that it was
her fault and his friends' fault; and then she was occupied with
something still more important, and could not go back to the old pain,
from which she had suffered enough. Thus it was with her in those
troubled, but yet, as she afterwards thought, happy days; when she was
very miserable sometimes and very glad--when she had a great deal, as
people said, to put up with, a great deal to forgive, and many a thing
of which she did not herself approve, to excuse and justify to others.
This was her condition, and she had at the same time before her the
dreadful probability of separation from both of her children, the
certainty of a separation, and a long, dangerous voyage for one of them,
and sat and worked to this end day after day, with a sense of what at
the moment seemed exquisite wretchedness. But yet, thinking over it
afterwards, and looking back upon it, it seemed to Mary as if those were
happy days.
The time was coming very near when Hugh (as Mrs. Ochterlony said), or
the children (as the Major was accustomed to say) were going home; when
all at once, without any preparation, very startling news came to the
station. One of the little local rebellions that are always taking place
in India had broken out somewhere, and a strong detachment of the
regiment was to be sent immediately to quell it. Major Ochterlony came
home that day a little excited by the news, and still more by the
certainty that it was he who must take the command. He was excited
because he was a soldier at heart, and liked, kind man as he was, to see
something doing; and because active service was more hopeful, and
exhilarating, and profitable, than reposing at the station, where there
was no danger, and very little to do. "I don't venture to hope that the
rogues will show fight," he said cheerfully; "so there is no need to be
anxious, Mary; and you can keep the boys with you till I come back--that
is only fair," he said, in his exultation. As for Mary, the announcement
took all the colour out of her cheeks, and drove both Hugh and Islay out
of her mind. He had seen service enough, it is true, since they were
married, to habituate her to that sort of thing; and she had made, on
the whole, a very good soldier's wife, bearing her anxiety in silence,
and keeping a brave front to the world. But perhaps Mr. Sorbette was
right when he thought her nerves were upset. So many things all coming
together may have been too much for her. When she heard of this she
broke down altogether, and felt a cold thrill of terror go through her
from her head to her heart, or from her heart to her head, which perhaps
would be the most just expression; but she dared not say a word to her
husband to deter or discourage him. When he saw the two tears that
sprang into her eyes, and the sudden paleness that came over her face,
he kissed her, all flushed and smiling as he was, and said: "Now, don't
be silly, Mary. Don't forget you are a soldier's wife." There was not a
touch of despondency or foreboding about him; and what could she say who
knew, had there been ever so much foreboding, that his duty was the
thing to be thought of, and not anybody's feelings? Her cheek did not
regain its colour all that day, but she kept it to herself, and forgot
even about little Hugh's reprieve. The children were dear, but their
father was dearer, or at least so it seemed at that moment. Perhaps if
the lives of the little ones had been threatened, the Major's expedition
might have bulked smaller--for the heart can hold only one overwhelming
emotion at a time. But the affair was urgent, and Mary did not have very
much time left to her to think of it. Almost before she had realized
what it was, the drums had beat, and the brisk music of the band--that
music that people called exhilarating--had roused all the station, and
the measured march of the men had sounded past, as if they were all
treading upon her heart. The Major kissed his little boys in their beds,
for it was, to be sure, unnaturally early, as everything is in India;
and he had made his wife promise to go and lie down, and take care of
herself, when he was gone. "Have the baby, and don't think any more of
me than you can help, and take care of my boys. We shall be back sooner
than you want us," the Major had said, as he took tender leave of his
"bonnie Mary." And for her part, she stood as long as she could see
them, with her two white lips pressed tight together, waving her hand to
her soldier till he was gone out of sight. And then she obeyed him, and
lay down and covered her head, and sobbed to herself in the growing
light, as the big blazing sun began to touch the horizon. She was sick
with pain and terror, and she could not tell why. She had watched him go
away before, and had hailed him coming back again, and had known him in
hotter conflict than this could be, and wounded, and yet he had taken no
great harm. But all that did her little good now; perhaps because her
nerves were weaker than usual, from the repeated shocks she had had to
bear.
And it was to be expected that Mrs. Kirkman would come to see her, to
console her that morning, and put the worst thoughts into her head, But
before even Mrs. Kirkman, little Emma Askell came rushing in, with her
baby and a bundle, and threw herself at Mary's feet. The Ensign had gone
to the wars, and it was the first experience of such a kind that had
fallen to the lot of his little baby-wife; and naturally her anxiety
told more distinctly upon her than it did upon Mary's ripe soul and
frame. The poor little thing was white and cold and shivering,
notwithstanding the blazing Indian day that began to lift itself over
their heads. She fell down at Mary's feet, forgetting all about the
beetles and scorpions which were the horror of her ordinary existence,
and clasped her knees, and held Mrs. Ochterlony fast, grasping the
bundle and the little waxen baby at the same time in the other arm.
"Do you think they will ever come back?" said poor little Emma. "Oh,
Mrs. Ochterlony, tell me. I can bear it if you will tell me the worst.
If anything were to happen to Charlie, and me not with him! I never,
never, never can live until the news comes. Oh, tell me, do you think
they will ever come back?"
"If I did not think they would come back, do you think I could take it
so quietly?" said Mary, and she smiled as best she could, and lifted up
the poor little girl, and took from her the baby and the bundle, which
seemed all one, so closely were they held. Mrs. Ochterlony had deep
eyes, which did not show when she had been crying; and she was not young
enough to cry in thunder showers, as Emma Askell at eighteen might still
be permitted to do; and the very sight of her soothed the young
creature's heart. "You know you are a soldier's wife," Mary said; "I
think I was as bad as you are the first time the Major left me--but we
all get used to it after a few years."
"And he came back?" said Emma, doing all she could to choke a sob.
"He must have come back, or I should not have parted with him this
morning," said Mrs. Ochterlony, who had need of all her own strength
just at that moment. "Let us see in the meantime what this bundle is,
and why you have brought poor baby out in her night-gown. And what a
jewel she is to sleep! When my little Willy gets disturbed," said Mary,
with a sigh, "he gives none of us any rest. I will make up a bed for her
here on the sofa; and now tell me what this bundle is for, and why you
have rushed out half dressed. We'll talk about _them_ presently. Tell me
first about yourself."
Upon which Emma hung down her pretty little head, and began to fold a
hem upon her damp handkerchief, and did not know how to explain herself.
"Don't be angry with me," she said. "Oh, my Madonna, let me come and
stay with you!--that was what I meant; I can't stay there by myself--and
I will nurse Willy, and do your hair and help sewing. I don't mind what
I do. Oh, Mrs. Ochterlony, don't send me away! I should die if I were
alone. And as for baby, she never troubles anybody. She is so good. I
will be your little servant, and wait upon you like a slave, if you will
only let me stay."
It would be vain to say that Mrs. Ochterlony was pleased by this appeal,
for she was herself in a very critical state of mind, full of fears that
she could give no reason for, and a hundred fantastic pains which she
would fain have hidden from human sight. She had been taking a little
comfort in the thought of the solitude, the freedom from visitors and
disturbance, that she might safely reckon on, and in which she thought
her mind might perhaps recover a little; and this young creature's
society was not specially agreeable to her. But she was touched by the
looks of the forlorn girl, and could no more have sent her away than she
could repress the little movement of impatience and half disgust that
rose in her heart. She was not capable of giving her an effusive
welcome; but she kissed poor little Emma, and put the bundle beside the
baby on the sofa, and accepted her visitor without saying anything about
it. Perhaps it did her no harm: though she felt by moments as if her
impatient longing to be alone and silent, free to think her own
thoughts, would break out in spite of all her self-control. But little
Mrs. Askell never suspected the existence of any such emotions. She
thought, on the contrary, that it was because Mary was used to it that
she took it so quietly, and wondered whether _she_ would ever get used
to it. Perhaps, on the whole, Emma hoped not. She thought to herself
that Mrs. Ochterlony, who was so little disturbed by the parting, would
not feel the joy of the return half so much as she should; and on these
terms she preferred to take the despair along with the joy. But under
the shadow of Mary's matronly presence the little thing cheered up, and
got back her courage. After she had been comforted with tea, and had
fully realized her position as Mrs. Ochterlony's visitor, Emma's spirits
rose. She was half or quarter Irish, as has been already mentioned, and
behaved herself accordingly. She recollected her despair, it is true, in
the midst of a game with Hugh and Islay, and cried a little, but soon
comforted herself with the thought that at that moment her Charlie could
be in no danger. "They'll be stopping somewhere for breakfast by a well,
and camping all about, and they can't get any harm there," said Emma;
and thus she kept chattering all day. If she had chattered only, and
been content with chattering, it would have been comparatively easy
work; but then she was one of those people who require answers, and will
be spoken to. And Mary had to listen and reply, and give her opinion
where they would be now, and when, at the very earliest, they might be
expected back. With such a discipline to undergo, it may be thought a
supererogation to bring Mrs. Kirkman in upon her that same morning with
her handkerchief in her hand, prepared, if it were necessary, to weep
with Mary. But still it is the case that Mrs. Kirkman did come, as might
have been expected; and to pass over conversation so edifying as hers,
would, under such circumstances, be almost a crime.
"My dear Mary," Mrs. Kirkman said when she came in, "I am so glad to see
you up and making an effort; it is so much better than giving way. We
must accept these trials as something sent for our good. I am sure the
Major has all our prayers for his safe return. Oh, Mary, do you not
remember what I said to you--that God, I was sure, was not going to let
you alone?"
"I never thought He would leave me alone," said Mrs. Ochterlony; but
certainly, though it was a right enough sentiment, it was not uttered in
a right tone of voice.
"He will not rest till you see your duty more clearly," said her
visitor; "if it were not for that, why should He have sent you so many
things one after another? It is far better and more blessed than if He
had made you happy and comfortable as the carnal heart desires. But I
did not see you had any one with you," said Mrs. Kirkman, stopping short
at the sight of Emma, who had just come into the room.
"Poor child, she was frightened and unhappy, and came to me this
morning," said Mary. "She will stay with me--till--they come home."
"Let us say _if_ they come home," said Mrs. Kirkman, solemnly. "I never
like to be too certain. We know when they go forth, but who can tell
when they will come back. That is in God's hands."
At this speech Emma fell trembling and shivering again, and begged Mrs.
Kirkman to tell her the worst, and cried out that she could bear it. She
thought of nothing but her Charlie, as was natural, and that the
Colonel's wife had already heard some bad news. And Mrs. Kirkman thought
of nothing but improving the occasion; and both of them were equally
indifferent, and indeed unaware of the cold shudder which went through
Mary, and the awful foreboding that closed down upon her, putting out
the sunshine. It was a little safeguard to her to support the shivering
girl who already half believed herself a widow, and to take up the
challenge of the spiritual teacher who felt herself responsible for
their souls.
"Do not make Emma think something is wrong," she said. "It is so easy to
make a young creature wretched with a word. If the Colonel had been with
them, it might have been different. But it is easy just now for you to
frighten us. I am sure you do not mean it." And then Mary had to whisper
in the young wife's ear, "She knows nothing about them--it is only her
way," which was a thing very easily said to Emma, but very difficult to
establish herself upon in her own heart.
And then Mrs. Hesketh came in to join the party.
"So they are gone," the new-comer said. "What a way little Emma is in,
to be sure. Is it the first time he has ever left you, my dear? and I
daresay they have been saying something dreadful to frighten you. It is
a great shame to let girls marry so young. I have been reckoning," said
the easy-minded woman, whose husband was also of the party, "how long
they are likely to be. If they get to Amberabad, say to-morrow, and if
there is nothing very serious, and all goes well, you know, they might
be back here on Saturday--and we had an engagement for Saturday," Mrs.
Hesketh said. Her voice was quite easy and pleasant, as it always was;
but nevertheless, Mary knew that if she had not felt excited, she would
not have paid such an early morning visit, and that even her confident
calculation about the return proved she was in a little anxiety about
it. The fact was, that none of them were quite at their ease, except
Mrs. Kirkman, who, having no personal interest in the matter, was quite
equal to taking a very gloomy view of affairs.
"How can any one think of such vanities at such a moment?" Mrs. Kirkman
said. "Oh, if I could only convince you, my dear friends. None of us can
tell what sort of engagement they may have before next Saturday--perhaps
the most solemn engagement ever given to man. Don't let misfortune find
you in this unprepared state of mind. There is nothing on earth so
solemn as seeing soldiers go away. You may think of the band and all
that, but for me, I always seem to hear a voice saying, 'Prepare to meet
your God.'"
To be sure the Colonel was in command of the station and was safe at
home, and his wife could speculate calmly upon the probable fate of the
detachment. But as for the three women who were listening to her, it was
not so easy for them. There was a dreadful pause, for nobody could
contradict such a speech; and poor little Emma dropped down sobbing on
the floor; and the colour forsook even Mrs. Hesketh's comely cheek; and
as for Mary, though she could not well be paler, her heart seemed to
contract and shrink within her; and none of them had the courage to say
anything. Naturally Mrs. Hesketh, with whom it was a principle not to
fret, was the first to recover her voice.
"After all, though it's always an anxious time, I don't see any
particular reason we have to be uneasy," she said. "Hesketh told me he
felt sure they would give in at once. It may be very true all you say,
but at the same time we may be reasonable, you know, and not take fright
when there is no cause for it. Don't cry, Emma, you little goose; you'll
have him back again in two or three days, all right."
And after awhile the anxious little assembly broke up, and Mrs. Hesketh,
who though she was very liberal in her way, was not much given to
personal charities, went to see some of the soldiers' wives, who, poor
souls, would have been just as anxious if they had had the time for it,
and gave them the best advice about their children, and promised tea
and sugar if they would come to fetch it, and old frocks, in which she
was always rich; and these women were so ungrateful as to like her visit
better than that of the Colonel's wife, who carried them always on her
heart and did them a great deal of good, and never confined herself to
kindness of impulse. And little Emma Askell cried herself to sleep
sitting on the floor, notwithstanding the beetles, reposing her pretty
face flushed with weeping and her swollen eyes upon the sofa, where Mary
sat and watched over her. Mrs. Hesketh got a little ease out of her
visit to the soldiers' wives, and Emma forgot her troubles in sleep; but
no sort of relief came to Mary, who reasoned with herself all day long
without being able to deliver herself from the pressure of the deadly
cold hand that seemed to have been laid upon her heart.