GRANDMOTHER'S STORY----(_continued_).
"O while you live, tell truth."
HENRY IV., Part 1.
So in a few minutes they were all settled again, and grandmother went on.
"We were walking through a very narrow street, I was telling you--was I
not? when I caught sight of something that suddenly changed my ideas.
'What was this something?' you are all asking, I see. It was a china cup
in a shop window we were passing, a perfect match it seemed to me of the
unfortunate one still lamenting its fate by rattling its bits in my
pocket! It was a shabby little old shop, of which there were a good many
in the town, filled with all sorts of curiosities, and quite in the front
of the window, as conspicuous as if placed there on purpose, stood the
cup. I darted forward to beg my father to let me wait a moment, but just
then, curiously enough, he had met a friend and was standing talking to
him, and when I touched his arm, he turned rather hastily, for, as I
told you, he had not been pleased with my way of replying about my
grandmother. And he said to me I must not be so impatient, but wait till
he had finished speaking to Mr. Lennox. I asked him if I might look in at
the shop window, and he said 'Yes, of course I might,' so I flew back,
the bits rattle-rattling in my pocket, and stood gazing at the twin-cup.
I must tell you that I happened to have in my possession an unusual
amount of money just then--ten shillings, actually ten whole shillings,
which my father had given me on my birthday, and as I always brought my
purse with me when I came into the town, there it was all ready! I looked
and looked at the cup till I was satisfied it was a perfect match, then
glancing up the street and seeing my father still talking to his friend,
I crept timidly into the shop, and asked the price of the pink cup and
saucer in the window.
"The old man in the shop was a German; afterwards my grandmother told me
he was a Jew, and well accustomed to having his prices beaten down. He
looked at me curiously and said to me,
"'Ach! too moch for leetle young lady like you. Zwanzig--twenty
schelling, that cup. Old lady bought von, vill come again buy anoder.
Zwanzig--twenty schelling.'
"I grew more and more eager. The old lady he spoke of must be my
grandmother; I had often heard my father laugh at her for poking about
old shops; I felt perfectly certain the cups were exactly alike. I begged
the old man to let me have it, and opened my purse to show him all I
had--the ten shilling piece, two sixpences and a fourpenny, and a few
coppers. That was all, and the old man shook his head. It was too little,
'twenty schelling,' he repeated, or at the very least, to oblige the
'young lady,' fifteen. I said to him I had not got fifteen--eleven and
nine-pence was everything I possessed, and at last, in my eagerness, I
nearly burst into tears. I really do not know if the old man was sorry
for me, or if he only thought of getting my money; however that may have
been, he took my purse out of my hand and slowly counted out the money.
I meanwhile, nearly dancing with impatience, while he repeated
'nine-pence, von schelling, zehn schelling ach vell, most be, most be,'
and to my great delight he handed me the precious cup and saucer, first
wrapping them up in a dirty bit of newspaper.
[Illustration: ZWANZIG--TWENTY SCHELLING, THAT CUP.]
"Then he took the ten-shilling piece out of my purse, and handed it back
to me, leaving me in possession of my two sixpences, my fourpenny bit,
and my five coppers.
"I flew out of the shop, thanking the old man effusively, and rushed up
the street clutching my treasure, while rattle-rattle went the bones of
its companion in my pocket. My father was just shaking hands with Mr.
Lennox and turning round to look for me, when I ran up. Mr. Lennox, it
appeared, was the gentleman who was to have driven home with us, but
something had occurred to detain him in the town, and he was on his way
to explain this to my father when we met him.
"My father was rather silent and grave on the way home; he seemed to have
forgotten that I had said anything to vex him; some magistrates' business
had worried him, and it was that that he had been talking about to Mr.
Lennox. He said to me that he was half afraid he would have to drive into
the town again the next day, adding, 'It is a pity Lennox did not know in
time. By staying a little later, we might have got all done.'
"To his astonishment I replied by begging him to let me come with him
again the next day. He said to me, 'Why, Nelly, you were just now saying
you did not care for going to see your grandmother, that it was dull, and
tired you. What queer creatures children are.'
"I felt my cheeks grow hot, but I replied that I was sorry I had said
that, and that I did want very much to go to see my grandmother again. Of
course you will understand, children, that I was thinking about the best
chance of putting back the cup, or rather its substitute, but my dear
father thought I was sorry for having vexed him, and that I wanted to
please him by asking to go again, so he readily granted my request. But
I felt far from happy that evening at home, when something was said about
my wanting to go again, and one of my brothers remarking that I must
surely have enjoyed myself very greatly at my grandmother's, my father
and mother looked at me kindly and said that their little Nelly liked to
please others as well as herself. Oh how guilty I felt! I hated having
anything to conceal, for I was by nature very frank. And oh, what a
torment the poor cup and saucer were! I got rid of the bits by throwing
them behind a hedge, but I could not tell where to hide my purchase, and
I was so terribly afraid of breaking it. It was a relief to my mind the
next morning when it suddenly struck me that I need not take the saucer
too, the cup was enough, as the original saucer was there intact, and
the cup was much easier to carry by itself.
"When we got to the town my father let me down at my grandmother's
without coming in himself at all, and went off at once to his business.
The door was open, and I saw no one about. I made my way up to the
drawing-room as quickly and quietly as possible; to my great satisfaction
there was no one there. I stole across the room to the china cupboard,
drew forward a chair and climbed upon it, and, in mortal fear and
trembling, placed the cup on the saucer waiting for it. They seemed to
match exactly, but I could not wait to see any more--the sound of some
one coming along the ante-room reached my ears--I had only just time to
close the door of the cupboard, jump down and try to look as if nothing
were the matter, when my grandmother entered the room. She came up to me
with both her hands out-stretched in welcome, and a look on her face that
I did not understand. She kissed me fondly, exclaiming,
"'My own dear little Nelly. I thought you would come. I knew you would
not be happy till you had----.' But she stopped suddenly. I had drawn a
little back from her, and again I felt my face get red. Why would people
praise me when I did not deserve it? My grandmother, I supposed, thought
I had come again because I had felt conscious of having been not
particularly gracious the day before--whereas I knew my motive to have
been nothing of the kind.
"'Papa was coming again, and he said I might come. I have nothing to do
at home just now. It's holidays,' I said abruptly, my very honesty _now_
leading me into misrepresentations, as is constantly the case once one
has quitted the quite straight path of candour.
"My grandmother looked pained and disappointed, but said nothing. But
_never_ had she been kinder. It was past dinner time, but she ordered tea
for me an hour earlier than her usual time, and sent down word that the
cook was to bake some girdle-cakes, as she knew I was fond of them. And
what a nice tea we might have had but for the uncomfortable little voice
that kept whispering to me that I did not deserve all this kindness, that
I was deceiving my grandmother, which was far worse than breaking twenty
cups. I felt quite provoked with myself for feeling so uneasy. I had
thought I should have felt quite comfortable and happy once the cup was
restored. I had spent all, or very nearly all, my money on it. I said to
myself, Who could have done more? And I determined not to be so silly and
to think no more about it--but it was no good. Every time my grandmother
looked at me, every time she spoke to me--worst of all when the time came
for me to go and she kissed me, somehow so much more tenderly than usual,
and murmured some words I could not catch, but which sounded like a
little prayer, as she stroked my head in farewell--it was dreadfully hard
not to burst into tears and tell her all, and beg her to forgive me. But
I went away without doing so.
"Half way home a strange thought came suddenly into my mind. It seemed to
express the unhappiness I was feeling. Supposing my grandmother were to
die, supposing I were never to see her again, would I _then_ feel
satisfied with my behaviour to her, and would I still say to myself that
I had done all for the best in spending my money on a new cup? Would
I not then rather feel that it would have been less grievous to my
grandmother to know of my breaking twenty cups, than to discover the
concealment and want of candour into which my cowardliness had led me?
"'If grandmother were _dead_, I suppose she would know all about it,' I
said to myself. 'I would not like to think of that. I would rather have
told her myself.'
"And I startled my father by turning to him suddenly and asking if
grandmother was very old. He replied, 'Not so very. Of course she is not
_young_, but we may hope to have her among us many a day yet if God wills
it, my little woman.'
"I gave a sigh of relief. 'I know she is very strong,' I said. 'She is
very seldom ill, and she can take quite long walks still.'
"Thank God for it,' said my father, evidently pleased with my interest in
my grandmother. And although it was true that already I was beginning to
love her much more than formerly, still my father's manner gave me again
the miserable feeling that I was gaining credit which I did not deserve.
"More than a week passed after this without my seeing my grandmother. It
was not a happy week for me. I felt quite unlike my old light-hearted
self. And constantly--just as when one has a tender spot anywhere, a sore
finger for instance, everything seems to rub against it--constantly
little allusions were made which appeared to have some reference to my
concealment. Something would be said about my birthday present, and my
brothers would ask me if I had made up my mind what I should buy with it,
or they would tease me about my sudden fancy for spending two days
together with my grandmother, and ask me if I was not in a hurry to go
to see her again. I grew irritable and suspicious, and more and more
unhappy, and before long those about me began to notice the change. My
father and mother feared I was ill--'Nelly is so unlike herself,' I heard
them say. My brothers openly declared 'there was no fun in playing with
me now, I had grown so cross.' I felt that it was true--indeed both
opinions were true, for I really _was_ getting ill with the weight on my
mind, which never, night or day, seemed to leave it.
"At last one day my father told me that he was going to drive into the
little town where my grandmother lived, the next day, and that I was to
go with him to see her. I noticed that he did not ask me, as usual, if I
would like to go; he just said I must be ready by a certain hour, and
gave me no choice in the matter. I did not want to go, but I was afraid
of making any objection for fear of their asking my reasons, so I said
nothing, but silently, and to all appearance I fear, sulkily, got ready
as my father desired. We had a very quiet drive; my father made no
remarks about my dullness and silence, and I began to be afraid that
something had been found out, and that he was taking me to my
grandmother's to be 'scolded,' as I called it in my silly little mind.
I glanced up at his face as I sat beside him. No, he did not look severe,
only grave and rather anxious. Dear father! Afterwards I found that he
and my mother had been really _very_ anxious about me, and that he was
taking me to my grandmother, by her express wish, to see what she thought
of the state of matters, before consulting a doctor or trying change of
air, or anything of that kind. And my grandmother had particularly asked
him to say nothing more to myself about my own unsatisfactory condition,
and had promised him to do her utmost to put things right.
"Well--we got to my grandmother's--my father lifted me out of the
carriage, and I followed him upstairs--my grandmother was sitting in the
drawing-room, evidently expecting us. She came forward with a bright kind
smile on her face, and kissed me fondly. Then she said to my father she
was so glad he had brought me, and she hoped I would have a happy day.
And my father looked at me as he went away with a sort of wistful anxiety
that made me again have that horrible feeling of not deserving his care
and affection. And oh, how I wished the long day alone with my
grandmother were over! I could not bear being in the drawing-room, I
was afraid of seeming to glance in the direction of the china cupboard;
I felt miserable whenever my grandmother spoke kindly to me.
"And how kind she was that day! If ever a little girl _should_ have been
happy, that little girl was I. Grandmother let me look over the drawers
where she kept her beautiful scraps of silk and velvet, ever so many of
which she gave me--lovely pieces to make a costume such as I had fancied
for Lady Rosabelle, but which I had never had the heart to see about.
She let me 'tidy' her best work-box--a _wonderful_ box, full of every
conceivable treasure and curiosity--and then, when I was a little tired
with all my exertions, she made me sit down on a footstool at her feet
and talked to me so nicely--all about when _she_ was a little girl--fancy
that, Molly, your great-great-grandmother ever having been a little
girl!--and about the queer legends and fairy tales that in those days
were firmly believed in in the far-away Scotch country place where her
childhood was spent. For the first time for all these unhappy ten days,
I began to feel like myself again. Sitting there at my grandmother's feet
listening to her I actually forgot my troubles, though I was in the very
drawing-room I had learnt so to dread, within a few yards of the cupboard
I dared not even glance at.
"There came a little pause in the conversation; I leaned my head against
my grandmother's knee.
"'I wish there were fairies now,' I said. 'Don't you, grandmother?'
"Grandmother said 'no, on the whole she preferred things being as they
were.' There were _some_ fairies certainly she would be sorry to lose,
Princess Sweet-temper, and Lady Make-the-best-of-it, and old Madame Tidy,
and, most of all perhaps, the beautiful fairy _Candour_. I laughed at her
funny way of saying things, but yet something in her last words made the
uneasy feeling come back again. Then my grandmother went on talking in a
different tone.
"'Do you know, Nelly,' she said, 'queer things happen sometimes that one
would be half inclined to put down to fairies if one did not know
better?'
"I pricked up my ears.
"'Do tell me what sort of things, grandmother,' I said eagerly.
"'Well'--she went on, speaking rather slowly and gravely, and very
distinctly--'the other day an extraordinary thing happened among my china
cups in that cupboard over there. I had one pink cup, on the side of
which was--or is--the picture of a shepherdess curtseying to a shepherd.
Now this shepherdess when I bought the cup, which was only a few days
ago, was dressed--I am _perfectly_ certain of it, for her dress was just
the same as one I have upstairs in my collection--in a pale pink or
salmon-coloured skirt, looped up over a pea-green slip--the picture of
the shepherdess is repeated again on the saucer, and there it still is as
I tell you. But the strangest metamorphosis has taken place in the cup. I
left it one morning as I describe, for you know I always dust my best
china myself. Two days after, when I looked at it again, the
shepherdess's attire was changed--she had on no longer the pea-green
dress over the salmon, but a _salmon_ dress over a _pea-green_ slip. Did
you ever hear anything so strange, Nelly?'
"I turned away my head, children; I dared not look at my grandmother.
What should I say? This was the end of my concealment. It had done _no_
good--grandmother must know it all now, I could hide it no longer, and
she would be far, far more angry than if at the first I had bravely
confessed my disobedience and its consequences. I tried to speak, but
I could not. I burst into tears and hid my face.
"Grandmother's arm was round me in a moment, and her kind voice saying,
'Why, what is the matter, my little Nelly?'
"I drew myself away from her, and threw myself on the floor, crying out
to grandmother not to speak kindly to me.
"'You won't love me when you know,' I said. 'You will never love me
again. It was _me_, oh grandmother! It was me that changed the cup.
I got another for you not to know. I spent all my money. I broke it,
grandmother. When you told me not to open the cupboard, I did open it,
and I took out the cup, and it fell and was broken, and then I saw
another in a shop window, and I thought it was just the same, and I
bought it. It cost ten shillings, but I never knew it wasn't quite the
same, only now it doesn't matter. You will never love me again, and
nobody will. Oh dear, oh dear, what _shall_ I do?'
"'Never love you again, my poor dear faithless little girl,' said
grandmother. 'Oh, Nelly, my child, how little you know me! But oh, I am
so glad you have told me all about it yourself. That was what I was
longing for. I did so want my little girl to be true to her own honest
heart.'
"And then she went on to explain that she had known it all from the
first. She had not been asleep the day that I disobediently opened the
cupboard, at least she had wakened up in time to see what had happened,
and she had earnestly hoped that I would make up my mind to tell it
frankly. That was what had so disappointed her the next day when she had
quite thought I had come on purpose to tell it all. Then when my father
had come to consult her about the queer state I seemed to be in, she had
not felt surprised. She had quite understood it all, though she had not
said so to him, and she had resolved to try to win my confidence. She
told me too that she had found out from the old German about my buying
the cup, whose reappearance she could not at first explain.
"'I went to his shop the very next morning,' she told me, 'to see if he
still had the fellow to the cup I had bought, as I knew he had two of
them, and he told me the other had been bought by a little girl. Ten
shillings was too much to give for it, Nelly, a great deal too much for
you to give, and more than the cup was really worth. It was not a very
valuable cup, though the colour was so pretty that I was tempted to buy
it to place among the others.'
"'I don't mind about the money, grandmother,' I replied. 'I would have
given ever so much more if I had had it. You will keep the cup now?' I
added. 'You won't make me take it back to the old man? And oh,
grandmother, will you really forgive me?'
"She told me she had already done so, fully and freely, from the bottom
of her heart. And she said she would indeed keep the cup, as long as she
lived, and that if ever again I was tempted to distrust her I must look
at it and take courage. And she explained to me that even if there had
been reason for my fears, 'even if I had been a very harsh and severe
grandmother, your concealment would have done no good in the end,' she
said. 'It would have been like the first little tiny seed of deceit,
which might have grown into a great tree of evil, poisoning all your
life. Oh, Nelly, never _never_ plant that seed, for once it has taken
root who can say how difficult it may be to tear it up?'
"I listened with all my attention; I could not help being deeply
impressed with her earnestness, and I was so grateful for her kindness
that her advice found good soil ready to receive it. And how many, many
times in my life have I not recalled it! For, Ralph and Sylvia and Molly,
my darlings, remember this--even to the naturally frank and honest there
come times of sore temptation in life, times when a little swerving from
the straight narrow path of uprightness would seem to promise to put all
straight when things have gone wrong, times when the cost seems so little
and the gain so great. Ah! yes, children, we need to have a firm anchor
to hold by at these times, and woe for us then if the little evil seed
has been planted and has taken root in our hearts."
Grandmother paused. The children too were silent for a moment or two.
Then Sylvia said gently,
"Did you tell your father and mother all about it, grandmother?"
"Yes," said grandmother, "I did--all about it. I told them everything. It
was my own choice. My grandmother left it to myself. She would not tell
them; she would leave it to me. And, of course, I did tell them. I could
not feel happy till I had done so. They were very kind about it, _very_
kind, but still it was to my grandmother I felt the most grateful and the
most drawn. From that time till her death, when I was nearly grown up,
she was my dearest counsellor and guide. I had no concealment from her--I
told her everything. For her heart was so wonderfully young; to the very
last she was able to sympathise in all my girlish joys, and sorrows, and
difficulties."
"Like you, grandmother dear," said Molly, softly stroking her
grandmother's hand, which she had taken in hers. "She must have been just
like you."
They all smiled.
"And when she died," pursued grandmother gently, almost as if speaking to
herself, "when she died and all her things were divided, I begged them to
give me the pink cup. I might have had a more valuable one instead, but I
preferred it. It is one of those two over there on the little cabinet."
Molly's eyes turned eagerly in the direction of the little cabinet.
"Grandmother dear," she said, solemnly, "when you die--I don't _want_ you
to die, you know of course, but when you _do_ die, I wish you would say
that _I_ may have that cup--will you? To remind me, you know, of what you
have been telling us. I quite understand how you mean: that day all my
brooches were broken, I did awfully want not to tell you about them all,
and I might forget, you see, about the little bad seed and all that, that
you have been telling us so nicely. Please, grandmother dear, _may_ I
have that cup when you die?"
"Molly," said Sylvia, her face growing very red, "it is perfectly
horrible of you to talk that way. I am quite ashamed of you. Don't mind
her, grandmother. She just talks as if she had no sense sometimes. How
_can_ you, Molly?" she went on, turning again to her sister, "how _can_
you talk about dear grandmother dying? _Dear_ grandmother, and you
pretend to love her."
Molly's big blue eyes opened wide with astonishment, then gradually they
grew misty, and great tears welled up to their surface.
"I don't _pretend_--I _do_ love her," she said. "And I don't _want_ you
to die, grandmother dear, do I? only we all must die some time. I didn't
mean to talk horribly. I think you are very unkind, Sylvia."
"Children, children," said grandmother's gentle voice, "I don't like
these words. I am sure Molly did not mean anything I would not like,
Sylvia dear, but yet I know how _you_ mean. Don't be in such a hurry to
judge each other. And about the cup, Molly, I'll consider, though I hope
and believe you will not need it to remind you of the lesson I want to
impress on you by the story of my long-ago troubles. Now kiss each other,
dears, and kiss me, for it is quite bed-time. Good-night, my little
girls. Ralph, my boy, open the door for your sisters, and pleasant dreams
to you all."