THE MISTAKE ABOUT IT.

There is nothing that is more touching than the gallantry of men, total

strangers, to a lady who has met with an accident. Any man who has a heart

in him, who sees a lady whose apparel has become disarranged in such a

manner that she cannot see it, will, though she be a total stranger, tell

her of her misfortune, so she can fix up and not be stared at. But

sometimes these efforts to do a kindly action are not appreciated, and men

get fooled.

This was illustrated at Watertown last week. People have no doubt noticed

that one of the late fashions among women is to wear at the bottom of the

dress a strip of red, which goes clear around. To the initiated it looks

real nice, but a man who is not posted in the fashions would swear that

the woman's petticoat was dropping off, and if she was not notified, and

allowed to fix it, she would soon be in a terrible fix on the street.

It was a week ago Monday that a lady from Oshkosh was at Watertown on a

visit, and she wore a black silk dress with a red strip on the bottom. As

she walked across the bridge Mr. Calvin Cheeney, a gentleman whose heart

is in the right place, saw what he supposed would soon be a terrible

accident, which would tend to embarrass the lady, so he stepped up to her

in the politest manner possible, took off his hat and said:

"Excuse me, madame, but I think your wearing apparel is becoming

disarranged. You might step right into Clark's, here, and fix it," and he

pointed to the bottom of her dress.

She gave him a look which froze his blood, and shaking her dress out she

went on. He said it was the last time he would ever try to help a woman in

distress.

She sailed along down to a grocery store and stopped to look at some

grapes, when the practiced eye of Hon. Peter Brook saw that

something was wrong. To think is to act with Peter, and he at once said:

"Miss, your petticoat seems to be dropping off. You can go in the store

and get behind that box of codfish and fix it if you want to."

Now that was a kind thing for Peter to do, and an act that any gentleman

might be proud of, but he was amazed at her when she told him to mind his

own business, and she would attend to her own petticoat, and she marched

off just a trifle mad.

She went into the postoffice to mail a postal card, just as Mr. Moak, the

postmaster, came out of his private office with Hon. L.B. Caswell, the

congressman. Mr. Moak, without the aid of his glasses, saw that there was

liable to be trouble, so he asked Caswell to excuse him a moment, and

turning to the delivery window where she was asking the clerk what time

the mail came in, he said:

"I beg a thousand pardons, madame. It ill becomes a stranger to speak to

one so fair without an introduction, but I believe that I am not violating

the civil service rules laid down by Mr. Hayes for the guidance of

postmasters when I tell you, lady, that something has broke loose and that

the red garment that you fain would hide from the gaze of the world has

asserted itself and appears to the naked eye about two chains and three

links below your dress. I am going abroad, to visit Joe Lindon, the

independent candidate for sheriff, and you can step into the back office

and take a reef in it."

He did not see the look of fire in her eyes as he went out, because he was

not looking at her eye. She passed out, and Doc Spaulding, who has got a

heart in him as big as a box car, saw it, and touching his broad brimmed

felt hat he said, in a whisper:

"Madame, you better drop into a millinery store and fasten up your--"

But she passed him on a run, and was just going into a hardware

store, with her hand on her pistol pocket, when Jule Keyes happened along.

Now, Jule would consider himself a horse thief if he should allow a woman

to go along the street with anything the matter with her clothes, and he

not warn her of the consequences, so he stopped and told her that she must

excuse him, a perfect stranger, for mentioning her petticoat, but the fact

was that it was coming off.

[Illustration: MYSTERY OF A WOMAN'S CLOTHES!]

By this time the woman was mad. She bought a pistol and started for the

depot, firmly resolved to kill the first man that molested her. She did

not meet anybody until she arrived at the Junction, and she sat down in

the depot to rest before the train came.

Pierce, the hotel man, is one of the most noticin' persons anywhere, and

she hadn't been seated a York minute before his eye caught the discrepancy

in her apparel.

He tried to get the telegraph operator and the expressman to go

and tell her about it, but they wouldn't, so he went and took a seat near

her.

"It is a warm day, madame," said Pierce, looking at the red strip at the

bottom of her dress.

She drew her pistol, cocked it, and pointed it at Pierce, who was

trembling in every leg, and said:

"Look-a-here, you young cuss. I have had half a dozen grown persons down

town tell me my petticoat was coming off, and I have stood it because I

thought they were old enough to know what they were talking about, but

when it comes to boys of your age coming around thinking they know all

about women's clothes it is too much, and the shooting is going to

commence."

Mr. Pierce made one bound and reached the door, and then got behind a

white greyhound and waited for her to go away, which she soon did. As she

was stepping on the car the conductor, Jake Sazerowski, said to her:

"Your apparel, madame, seems to be demoralized," but she rushed into the

car, and was seen no more.

Since then these gentlemen have all learned that the fashion calls for a

red strip at the bottom of a dress, and they will make no more mistakes.

But they were all serious enough, and their interference was prompted by

pure kindness of heart, and not from any wicked thoughts.

Peck's Compendium of Fun Comprising the Choicest Gems of Wit, Humor, Sarcasm and Pathos of America's Favorite Humorist · 第 163 / 191 题